Get this and get it straight. Crime is a sucker's road and those who travel it wind up in the
gutter of the grave. This time it was a fishy horse play from a red-headed beauty past a
black-bearded sailor to a neck-and-neck finish over a wandering seahorse worth 50,000 bucks.
I was the jockey. It happened like this. From the pen of Raymond Chandler,
outstanding author of crime fiction, comes his most famous character in The Adventures of Philip
Marlowe. Now with Gerald Moore starred as Philip Marlowe, we bring you tonight's exciting story,
the seahorse jockey. You know Mr Marlowe, when you came in today I said to myself, I said,
it's a funny thing. You've been getting your haircuts here now for six, seven years,
but I never found out how you vote, Republican or Democrat. Well, I like to think that's my business.
And another thing, never did you tell me if you're for the Marshall Plan or against the
Marshall Plan. Well, the Marshall Plan. And for the California's governor next fall?
Well, there's no doubt in my mind. And the income tax, sit back please. Now the income tax is fair
or it's not fair? Well, eminently. How come all this stuff, I don't know, what is your opinion?
I can't imagine. Of course, my opinion, I tell people. I say political party is a matter of
getting the... Oh, excuse me. Saved by the bell. Hello, Alvin's Barbershop, Alvin speaking.
Oh, Mr Marlowe, yes he's right here. Hold on please, it's for you Mr Marlowe, always
interruption. Ain't it? You're so right, for six of you, never mind. Thank, hello. Mr Marlowe,
this is Mrs Lola Demers speaking. Oh. Thank goodness I've finally located you. Now,
you're to come out to my place at once, Pacific Palisades, 13120 Tower Road and your plane leaves
in two hours. Now wait a minute, what plane Mrs Demers? Why? What's this all about? The seahorse,
I'm going to sell it Mr Marlowe, my mind's made up. The sea which? Seahorse, Mr Marlowe,
it's a brooch six inches high and set with precious stones which a San Francisco dealer
is anxious to pay five thousand dollars for. Well look Mrs Demers, I... The dealer's flying to New
York tomorrow Mr Marlowe and also my doctors say I'm living by sheer willpower alone. I can hear it.
The decision must be made quickly. Now, the terms of the deal are cash so please be sure that you're
armed and the money will be returned here to my stepdaughter Gillian Demers, unfortunately.
Oh you don't approve, huh? No, no, however I'll abide by my late husband's wishes,
Gillian is to be provided for now. No more questions sir, just hurry. You'll be paid
handsomely and when you get here Mr Marlowe, use the back porch, I'll be in my bedroom,
the other doors are locked. You're alone Mrs Demers, no servant? I'm merely sick Mr Marlowe,
you're not dead. And since I've just fired Elmer Paris who was called a lawyer but it was actually
more of a baboon, we'll be able to talk. Now, hurry Mr Marlowe, please be punctual, my new lawyer is due
here at 4 30. I'll finish up and be ready for you at exactly five, is that clear? I've got one question,
were you ever a barber? Goodbye sir. Well Alvin, it looks like we'll have to skip that shave.
Oh that's too bad Mr Marlowe, like I said I'm anxious to get your opinions. Opinions are important,
huh? Important you know. Oh sure Al, sure they are. I mean the way I look at it Mr Marlowe. Alvin!
Yes Mr Marlowe? Wipe the lather off, your chin not mine.
Pacific Palisades, my new client's home at 1312 Old Town Road was 40 minutes from L.A.
A house was Victorian style solid made of wood two stories high and squatted close to the edge
of a sun-baked cliff 200 feet above the ocean. I parked behind what must have been the first
piercero ever made and started slowly along a gravel path that led to the rear until I heard it.
Inside I found an old woman whom I figured to be my client leaning against a half open kitchen door
sobbing and clenching at the gingham apron she wore like it would keep her from screaming again.
Mrs Demarest get hold of yourself what happened? I'm not Mrs Demarest, I'm the poor darling,
her heart, she's dead. She's dead? In there, the bedroom. No. But who are you? My name's Philip Marlowe,
Mrs Demarest hired me an hour ago, an hour ago. She was a handsome woman. A beautiful woman and a good
woman. You, you're the detective aren't you about the brute? Yeah. How'd this happen Mrs? Lockfield,
Miss Bertie Lockfield. Miss Lockfield, were you with her? No, I came over a bit ago. I'm Lola's best
friend you know, her only friend. I came over in my car to cook her some dinner like I do all the
time. I live right by the little cottage at the foot of Old Tower Road, the one with the tall
dinners. Miss Lockfield you were saying? Oh yes, well Mr Marlowe can we go back to the living room?
Oh sure sure. Now Miss Lockfield you came over to cook dinner then what? Well I looked in on her
first like I do all the time and since she was asleep I went to the kitchen and set things going.
And then? Oh here you better sit down. Thank you. Then I went back to my place,
fast around for 10 maybe 20 minutes. Then I came here again and found what we just saw. That pillow
clenched in one hand like she'd wanted the whole something. All right all right take it easy Miss Lockfield, try to hold on huh?
Now tell me you didn't happen to see anything of the new lawyer around did you? New lawyer?
Why Lola didn't mention a new lawyer? He was due here today? Yeah half hour ago,
might help if we knew his name. Why Mr Marlowe? Mr Marlowe, surely you don't think there was
well foul play? I don't know Miss Lockfield, for one thing the position of the pillow seems kind of
cock-eyed to me. Yes but who on earth would want to, oh no not Gillian it couldn't be. Mrs Demeris was
quite clear about Gillian. Gillian hated Lola Mr Marlowe but Gillian isn't a killer. Yeah well
maybe nobody's been killed but tell me Miss Lockfield did this stepdaughter, this Gillian know
that she was getting the money from the brooch? Oh no I doubt it very much although she did know
that Lola had it of course. And what? And that Lola's money was dwindling Mr Marlowe and that she
was selling her possessions one by one. Uh-huh, therefore Gillian might think that the seahorse
brooch was hers by right of inheritance. Yes. Tell me Miss Lockfield do you know where Mrs Demeris
kept the brooch? Oh yes in the bedroom I'll show you exactly where. Come. All right.
It's behind the portrait of Mr Demeris. Oh the poor, poor darling. Oh come on take it easy honey huh,
did you say behind the portrait that one? Yes there's a panel in the wall that slides.
Uh-huh. Move the picture to your right Mr Marlowe then pull out on the panel edging.
You'd better use the chair. Yeah to the right and out on the panel edging huh? That's it, that's it.
This velvet case? No, no those are earrings the brooch is much bigger. It's in a silk bag Mr Marlowe.
Mr Marlowe don't you see it? No and I don't think I will. Miss Lockfield the velvet case is all there is.
The seahorse is gone.
I called the law and reported both the theft of the brooch and the death of Mrs Demeris while
Bertie Lockfield prompted over my shoulder. After that I started through the place looking for
anything that could possibly give me a lead on the wandering seahorse. 15 minutes later all like a
show for my effort was a telephone number Surfside 10229. It meant nothing to me except
it was written on a sheet of brown roll your own cigarette paper. When I dialed the number and got
no answer I dropped the paper into my pocket. I told Miss Lockfield to wait for the police and
headed for town on the first public phone booth. I started through the local classified directory
looking for a lawyer named Elmer Parris. I didn't find him I figured he could be somebody's junior
partner so I began at the top. I scored on my seventh nickel Calder Kramer and McDuff.
It was the anchor man who answered. Elmer Parris? Yes we employ a lawyer by that name. One who was
fired by Mrs Lola Demeris early today Mr McDuff? One who ceased working for Mrs Lola Demeris early
today. All right objections sustained. Tell me where can I get in touch with Mr Parris? At his
desk here in the office where he's been all day. Your reason for asking sir? The answer you just
gave me. Now one last item Mr McDuff did your firm supply a new lawyer for Mrs Demeris late today?
We did not and sir we never will. Each lawyer in this office is first a gentleman second a competent
barrister. Literally Mrs Demeris has use for neither. Good day sir.
With that I checked Elmer Parris off my list and went back to the phone book.
Jillian Demeris my late client's stepdaughter was listed at number one on the list.
My client's stepdaughter was listed at number 111 Los Amigos Terrace which a map on the back of
the book showed to be just off Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. Come in. The girl herself replete with
old fashion. The only thing that was was redheaded maybe 30 and meat and potato curves in either
direction. From a waistline it was strictly rye crisp over lettuce leaves.
Sit down. What's your problem? Well I got some bad news Mr Demeris. Don't tell me. It's my income
tax. I've been caught lying. It's your stepmother she's dead Jill. Oh that's too bad. Well try not
to go to pieces kid. Look I didn't particularly like Lola Demeris. She didn't particularly like me.
So why make a thing of it? Because the seahorse brooch has been stolen. Don't try breaking it.
The seahorse brooch has been stolen. Don't try brushing that off because it was supposed to be
sold today with the proceeds to go to you. Proceeds to? You're a liar. Uh-uh private detective. Hired
Jill to fly the brooch to a San Francisco dealer and I found out it's really worth fifty thousand
dollars. A lot of dough you didn't expect. Okay Mr private detective. That last crack. It means
exactly what? That you could have taken the brooch yourself. Surfside 10229. Stop pushing and start
listening. If Lola intended to sell the brooch and give me the money it was for one reason only.
My father wanted it that way. So? So. So do I. And now that you're without a client
maybe you'll work for me. I doubt it. I write and get paid well. Five thousand words a month for a
pulp magazine. Torrid story. It figures. He's off nicely. Be worth your while. Do you want to help
me? Suppose you're lying and actually stole the brooch yourself. What then? Then you handcuff me
to the nearest cop and run for mayor on the let's clean up local crime ticket. Now is it a deal for
say um one percent of the fifty thousand? If I get it. Zero if I don't. Five hundred a fund huh?
Yeah okay Jill it's a deal. Good. And for a starter do you happen to know who Mrs Demarest's new
lawyer was? New lawyer? I didn't know the old one had been fired. I didn't say he had. Could have
quit you know. Nobody ever quit working for Lola Demarest. It wasn't her nature. No? No. Will you
please stop barking at me and go out and bite the guy with the brooch? You looked like you could do
a good job of it for five hundred bucks. Yeah but just think of the opposition Jill. It's snapping at
fifty grand. I drove back to the foot of Old Tower Road in the smothered knive cottage labeled Miss
Bertie Lockfield. I started for the front door but only got halfway. That'll do nicely. Right where
you are. Oh fine. You're a friend of Bertie Lockfield's or a relative which. A nephew why?
Because nephew Aunt Bertie's not home and I want someone responsible to leave a message with.
So you go looking for him with a gun huh? Now listen baby. Shut up and try to remember this.
Tell your aunt that the new lawyer Mrs Demarest hired will be in touch with her.
Does that make any sense to you? No. But maybe if I knew his name it would. I doubt it. And now nephew
without any fuss let me have your car. Hey now wait a minute. Come on. You'll find your car a block
away from here where I left mine. Give. No. Happy motoring. Thank you nephew. And don't forget the
message. She backed away again into my car and started it without once taking a dead fish cold
gray eyes off me. When she jerked away from the curb it was too late for me to do anything but
swear and start walking to my car. It was where she said it would be so I got in and sulked as far as
the first public telephone. It was time to try Surfside 10229 again. Hello. Hello. I'd like to
I'd like to talk to. To who? Wait a minute is that you Lieutenant Matthews? Yeah. Marlow? Yeah that's
right. Oh that Demarest case huh? Well Phil the coroner thinks it was murder all right. Suffocated
her with a pillow but they won't be sure till the autopsy report is in. Wait a minute Matthew
is hey wait a minute. You're at Surfside 10229 right? Yeah. You got this number from homicide
didn't you? No I didn't. I got it from a brown cigarette paper I found at Mrs. Demarest. Now
look tell me Matthews what have you got and where are you? 51 South Monroe Place. 51 South. It's a
dead one Phil. A guy who sported a beard. The name was Paul Crater. Oh occupation lawyer right? No
Phil wrong. The occupation was able-bodied seaman. In just a moment the second act of Philip Marlow
but first Dr. Christian's latest patient comes up with a new problem for the kindly small town
physician this Wednesday and it's the case of a man who's about to be evicted from the place to
which he's come home to die. Add to this the patient is an exceedingly lively rip roaring centarian
and you have the makings of a highly dramatic amusing yarn. Dr. Christian starring Gene Herscholt
is heard every Wednesday on most of the same CBS station. Now with our star Gerald Moore
the second act of Philip Marlow in tonight's story the seahorse jockey. I was 30 minutes getting out
to the address Matthews had given me. The neighborhood around Surfside looked like it had been pushed
together from scraps and washed in from the sea. At number 51 Monroe Place was no improvement.
There was a corroded little frame house surrounded by a picket fence with most of its front teeth
missing. I parked in the red glare from the squad cars spotlight and as I walked past the sagging
gate I could hear Matthews inside. Oh hello Marlow come on in but don't fall over the late Mr. Paul
Crater there. Oh that's him huh? Doesn't look much like a sailor to me Matthews in spite of his
whiskers. What do you expect bell bottom trousers? All right all right. Those guys wear suits when
they're short like anyone else. He was shot twice Phil once in the stomach once in the chest. Drop
right here in front of the door huh? Yeah the way it looks somebody came up and knocked and when
Crater opened the door they let him have it. Got a line on him? Well he was a nice quiet guy apparently
lived there with his sister Helen as far as we know they got along fine. We're still trying to locate
her. He worked around here someplace but we don't know where yet. But what about that Demerice
business? Oh that well I... Oh wait a minute. Oh okay. Matthews? Yeah Mooney. I see. Jug Nolan
as in J.U.G.? Yeah. Uh huh. He is? No uh you come on back I'll check him later personally.
Well Phil that answers one question anyway Crater here worked out of a boatyard on Front Street.
What was that Nolan J.U.G. about? Jug Nolan he's the bird who runs the shipyard.
Oh Mooney says he's a genuine old sea dog from Roll Your Owns to... Wait a minute did you say
Roll Your Owns? Yeah. Matthews how about letting me talk to this Nolan before you and the boys move
in? Why? I'd like to check the color of his cigarette papers and I'll let you know. Well okay
Milo only keep your chin in. Maybe Nolan doesn't know anything about what happened to Crater here.
Unless he pulled the trigger huh?
I drove through the thick smell of seaweed and dead fish that was Front Street for 10 blocks.
Before I found a battered sign that read Nolan's dangled over the door to a shanty of an office
behind which a tangle of crooked mass stuck up like jack straws out of a jam of crusty hoax.
I pulled into the curb across the street from the place and started to get out when the office door
opened and a man who looked something left over from Moby-Dumbo was walking in the back door.
Something left over from Moby Dick stepped out headed across in my direction. As he passed in
front of my car I got a good look at the butt of the homemade cigarette drooping over a jaw as heavy
as the end of an anchor. It was rolled with brown paper. Odds on it had to be Jug Nolan.
When he swung on down the street and finally went into a bar I followed.
Ah hey Sleet do it again huh? Be right with you Jug. Snap to it I gotta get.
Well what do you make of it mate? Something biting you? Not exactly Jug. I was just
wondering how well you're acquainted with Lola Demarest. Demarest? Yeah. Well enough to know
she's got vinegar in her veins instead of blood. Why? The old crackpot something to you? No not now.
Oh she was my client early at night. I'm a private detective named Marlow. Now keep it. You were up
to see her today I'd like to know why. Go ask her. That's a little tough now she's dead.
Yeah well better late than never mate. Miss her do you? I can stand the strain. How was your
business with her? Boats. Sure it wasn't seahorses? Don't talk bills to me mate I said boats.
Two rusty rotten scows covered with barnacles enough to sink him another week. But to hear that
old gal talk you think each one was the Queen Mary. Hey Swede. Yeah? Pour me that drink.
Okay okay Jug here. Hey uh what's yours mister? Scotch, Johnny Walker take them both out of this.
No you don't. I'll buy my own and I'm tired of your questions mates who haul out. Here Swede. Suit
yourself. Maybe you can bear up on one more question Nolan. For you maybe it's easy.
Who killed Paul Crater? What was that? Somebody put two bullets in Paul Crater in front door of
his house. I just came from there. Paul dead? If you're lying to me mate I'll tear you into. Get
your hands off Jug. Why would I lie? The cops know who did it? Not yet but they will. I'll find out
about this in a hurry. Slow down Nolan there's no rush. Crater's gonna be dead a long time. I want to
ask you. Get out of my way. Look Nolan I said I wanted to. Never mind. Okay Commodore help yourself.
Nolan's ponderous right fist was cocked when I changed my mind but that wasn't what did it.
Over his shoulder I'd spotted a familiar face. Detective Lieutenant Matthews leaning the end of
the bar and studying his thumbnail intently. As Jug stamped past him and out the door Matthews
jerked the intriguing thumb at a thin sandy man working a pinball machine. Who suddenly lost all
interest in the game and left abruptly. Then Matthews sidled down the bar toward me. Sorry to
step on your heels there Bill but we found out that Nolan has two judgments against him for assault.
Got a very dangerous temper it seems. You saved me a split lip. Did you hear all of it? Enough to
convince me that Jug Nolan didn't do it but we'll tag him just to play safe. Chances are he's heading
for Crater's house now which should just give me a good chance to go to his place and look around.
I'll see you Marlon. Yeah so long Matthew. Something else for you mister? Oh thanks Swede.
Unless you can tell me why so many surfside sailors grow Van Dykes. I wondered myself maybe it's to
hide those dirty collars I don't know. Hey that's sweet couldn't stand the shitty guy. Hey here's
one with a beaver now mister why don't you ask him. Oh it's not better. Come on let's go
sweet slip me up some rye whisky. Okay all right. Say Dusik this fella here wants to know why you
sailors grow those chin whiskers. Yeah that's good what I'll tell you. A sailor's got to have
something to do while he's away a spare time and see that don't take up too much space.
Yeah well I guess it beats bike racing. I'll see you Dusik. Wait I want to tell you.
I went to town today looking for nothing but a change of scene in a chubby blond shirt with
sea and what happened. Yeah well that's fine. Some girl takes a look at my bed and thinks I'm a
college professor doing research. I couldn't fill her out with a blowtorch. Yes well I. The next one
runs for life because she takes me for a judge and after that I'm just getting around. Hey wait a
minute hold it hold it Dusik. You say judge. What's up Skipper you losing your rudder. Just the
opposite you've given me an idea that'll work. Yeah and what. Two murders a beautiful sneer and a
missing seahorse. Wild but it's beginning to make some sense. So long sailor.
I checked Nolan's boatyard first but his office shack was dark so I drove hard back to 51 Monroe
place in the hope that Matthews had been right about Jug's destination. My ground was tough I
once again gave thanks for smart cops. Jug Nolan was there all the fight gone out of him as he
stared without seeing it at the blood spot on the floor where Paul Crater had died.
I asked him one simple question the answer he grunted in three words without so much as looking
up but it made everything fit. As I got to the phone I knew that whatever else he was
the old sea dog was no liar.
Hello. Is Marlow Jill. Oh I've been waiting for this.
What is it money or. All depends now listen close I've got to have some help right away.
What's wrong. Where are you. It doesn't matter but this does get hold of that friend of your
stepmother's what's her name. Bertie Lockfield and both of you meet me at your stepmother's house as
soon as you can make it it's important baby don't fail me. Yes I understand you wanted our help in
a big hurry we rushed madly over. I'm sorry it took longer to get here than I figured.
What do you want us to do. Catch a thief and a killer. You see.
I'm positive now that whoever got away with that jeweled seahorse also held that pillar over Mrs.
Demers face until she died and went on to kill Paul crater and surfside. Two murders.
Have that advantage baby for one murder or a dozen the price is the same.
I don't understand Marlow does the second murder have something to do with my stepmother's death.
They follow like links in a chain you. Lola Demers called me at four she was expecting a new
lawyer at 430 when I got here at five she was dead and the jewel seahorse was gone. However
the circumstances indicated that somebody who knew her had done the work. Then you don't think the
new lawyer was the one. No but I do think the new lawyer came in just as I did later through the
open back door stood right over there and overheard the entire business. Can you prove all this Marlow.
Not yet but if you found that new lawyer you could. Right that new lawyer is going to turn up soon
and when she does we'll have something more. Yeah she she birdie Lola Demers new lawyer is a woman.
The distinguished man in suit Van Dyke that you shot and killed and surfside was the lady
lawyer's brother a seaman. You mean birdie. Yeah Jill the new lawyer who witnessed the whole thing
decided to move in on it right birdie. But it was blackmail I got a note in my mailbox from a lawyer
named crater accusing me and demanding money. Since you were already in so deep you figured
another murder wouldn't matter you got the lawyer's surfside address somewhere else.
And went there that's why you stumbled birdie over a suit of clothes and a beard.
Birdie you were Lola's best friend. You'll never understand you fool.
Don't try. Birdie. You try either Marlow. Make a move for your gun and I'll put a bullet in her back.
Lola Demers best friend. I despised and hated her. The years I worked enslaved for that woman
pampering her putting up with her sickness and her temper in her high-handed ways.
She owed me plenty for those years. I'm sorry.
She owed me plenty for those years. When it came time to pay the money went to you.
Your cheap little snip you done nothing for her. You were getting everything.
Stand still Marlow I came prepared remember. So did I Mrs. Zolfier. Helen Crater. Better drop it
birdie. You're in the middle. Listen we can still do business like you said in the note. Not now
sister you forget three things. First you tried to kill me. Second you did kill my brother. Helen you
don't know what you're doing. And third the female of the species is always deadlier than the male.
Well Matthews that's about it. Yeah. What do you think will happen to Helen Crater.
That's one I don't have to figure out. Well she's a lawyer you know. Maybe by the way Phil.
How did you find out she was the lawyer. Oh that. Well you see the fact that the new lawyer was
nowhere around bothered me. And when I was in that bar in Surfside one sailor with a beard told me
he'd been mistaken for a judge. So I figured maybe another sailor also with a beard could have been
mistaken for a lawyer. And you worked back from that. Yeah Paul Crater's sister Helen. I finally
asked Nolan what Helen Crater did for a living. He told me. You see he was the guy who had recommended
Helen in the first place. He'd come to see Lola about the boats and found out that she needed a
lawyer right. That's right. So he tossed some business to Paul Crater's sister. That's how
the phone number came on brown cigarette paper. You know I found it on the sun porch. Well that's it.
Yeah. Well you didn't get some coffee. No no thanks Matthews. I'm quite tired. I think I'll go home.
It was almost three in the morning. A silent sterile hour at the short end of a long long night.
Everything that happened had been because of a jeweled seahorse. An ugly little replica of an
ugly little fish. But then as I thought about it I realized that the trouble wasn't because of the
seahorse. It was because of the people. Bertie Lockfield, Helen Crater, Lola Demarest.
That's always the trouble. People. Yeah to coin a cliche. It takes all kinds of people to louse up
the world. The Adventures of Philip Marlowe bringing you Raymond Chandler's most famous
character star Gerald Moore are produced and written by Norman MacDonald and written for radio
by Robert Mitchell and Gene Levitt. Featured in the cast were Stan Waxman, Anne Morrison, Ruth
Parrott, Eileen Prince, Ed Begley, John Stevenson and Bob Sweeney. The special music is composed
and conducted by Richard Aron. Be sure and be with us again next week when Philip Marlowe says.
This time all I had to go on was a postmark but that was plenty. It led me to a knife between a
pair of shoulders. A woman with a secondhand face and a corpse by a water wheel.
There'll be some grand singing on CBS this Wednesday night. Bing Crosby will play host to
Al Jolson and Ella Fitzgerald and Burns and Allen will entertain lovely Dinah Shore.
Also Groucho Marx will be around with more of his wonderful wit on his quiz You Bet Your Life
and of course Dr. Christian will be on hand with another famous story. They'll all be heard on most
of these same CBS stations so be listening. This is Roy Rowan speaking. Now stay tuned for Pursuit
which follows immediately over many of these same CBS stations. This is CBS where Wednesday
night is Bing Crosby night. The Columbia Broadcasting System.