Get this and get it straight. Crime is a sucker's road and those who travel it wind up in the
gutter of the prison of the grave. There's no other end, but they never learn.
From the pen of Raymond Chandler, outstanding author of crime fiction,
comes his most famous character in The Adventures of Philip Marlowe.
Now with Gerald Moore starred as Philip Marlowe, we bring you tonight's exciting story, The Bedside
Manners. Get your hat and hit the street. Hi Tommy. Okay kid. Here you are. Thanks. Take it easy now.
Sure. Mr. Marlowe, you changed. Mr. Marlowe, watch it. The car went out.
Hey you. Hey, the driver ran out of that light. Hey, catch, call an ambulance. Somebody hang on, Mr. Marlowe. Don't try to move. You're gonna be okay. Just take it easy.
Now that's the way it happened. Two weeks ago, when they scraped me up off the pavement, I felt like everything must have been broken.
But finally the doctor boiled it all down to a fractured tibia and assorted bruises. Headed me ten days in the hospital,
tangled up with enough pulleys, weights, and trapeze bars to rig a circus tent. After which I managed to get sprung to the peace and quiet of my own apartment.
There on a special bed in my living room, I spent four days scratching my broken leg through an inch of plastic cast while I worried about the business I was missing.
Until finally, Audine Patterson, a girl with a multi-million dollar estate I'd worked for once, insisted on seeing me immediately about a job.
Once she was sure I could handle even flat on my back.
Phil, it's about my brother Maynard.
Oh, another jam, huh?
Yes.
Wait a minute, I gotta get comfortable. I guess your father knew his son pretty well when he left.
Yeah, he left all that dough in your hands, Audine.
Yes, only this time. I sincerely believe Maynard's learned his lesson, Phil. He's worried sick. And frankly, so am I.
So am I if I can straighten this leg out. Well, if you think I can help in this condition, it can't be too serious.
Hey, before you sit down, reach me a cigarette, will you?
Yeah, sure. Sure, Phil. Here it is.
Oh, thanks.
Phil, last Saturday night, Maynard went out on a binge. He got home at four o'clock in the morning, awfully intoxicated.
Well, it's not unusual for Maynard, is it?
No, except this time he was frightened, Phil. Scared stiff.
Oh, what about?
Well, that's just the point. We don't know. He was so drunk he couldn't remember anything. Didn't know where he'd been or with whom.
Phil, it was terrible.
Well, if this was last Saturday, why are you so worried? Anything had happened, surely by now you'd have heard.
But something did happen, Phil.
Oh?
This morning I got a phone call from a man who meant business, believe me. I made notes on a memo pad while he talked, so I wouldn't forget any of it.
Here, Ag, here, read it.
No, this is Fish.
Fish?
Yes, Fish.
Tell Maynard 50 G's, important. Money by tomorrow or trouble.
Then he hung up on me, Phil.
Fish? Did you and Maynard ever hear from him before?
Well, I certainly didn't, and when I asked Maynard, he didn't know him either. He had a, oh, a cold, heavy voice and spoke with a thick lisp.
You want me to peg this fish for you?
Yes, so I'll know why Maynard owes that much money.
Now look, baby, I'm bedridden, I'm stuck, I can't even move this fish.
I know that, I know that, Phil, but you have the phone here, a lot of contacts, and plenty of diplomacy.
If this is something I can get Maynard out of by paying that money, then I'll pay.
Okay, baby, I'll try, but look, if it's outside the law, you know.
You'll turn Maynard in, yes, yes, I'm aware of that.
All right, where do I start? Where did he start Saturday?
At the colony club with a female named Faye Altman.
Well, whatever happened must have begun there, that's why I thought of you, Phil. You know the colony club.
Well, I know there's Scotch's Johnny Walker, Sid Rayfield's the owner, that's all.
Well, that may be enough. Well, you want to talk to Maynard?
Yeah, yeah, send him over in about an hour, will you?
Yes, he'll be here. And that Altman girl's number is Sunset, 0144.
0144?
Yes.
Okay, Audina, I'll get it. At least my dial finger isn't...
No, just a minute. Hello?
It's a fish, Marlow.
What?
Fish. I know my pigeon's with you now. I followed her.
Don't clip her wings, pal. Back out now while you still can. I'm warning you.
Phil, Phil, who was that? You look upset.
Yeah, well, my horse just ran forth.
Look, you better run along now, Audina.
Well, okay, Phil.
And stay out of dark corners, huh?
In spite of my sitting duck position, I told myself that a private detective who listens
to warnings today is out of business tomorrow. So I put in a call for Sid Rayfield at the
colony club. Sid was out, so I left a message for him to get in touch with me. Next, I tried
Faye Altman, but the Sunset number went unanswered. After that, I started checking for the next
best thing to legs I could think of. A guy named Hunger Malloy, by profession, a roving
bookie, by appearance a slouch and threadbare hound's tooth propped against any convenient
lamp post. Hunger, by some peculiar instinct, I either knew or could find out about anything,
especially slightly illegal. And because I'd once prod him out of a tight spot, he loved
me like a brother. I finally located him in a pool hall on Melrose and told him what I
needed to know. He promised it was as good as done and was off to the colony club and
I would hear from him. Well, that left me with nothing to do but scratch my cast again,
worry about my gun being in the desk drawer in my office, think about fish and wait. Things
went like that for 45 minutes and then... Come in. Who is it? Who's there?
Why, it's me, Hunger. What's the matter, Phillip? You're jumpy.
Yeah, I'm real glad to see you, fella. Likewise. How you feeling under the weather,
huh? How's the pen?
No, it's bothering me a little. Look, I've brought you some flowers.
Oh, Hunger, you shouldn't have. I know. I tried to get long stems but them plants
in the park ain't doing so good this year. Hey, listen, are you sure you gave me the right
dope on the phone, Phillip? Sure, sure, I'm sure. Why? What'd you find
out? That's just it, nothing. I went to the colony club and got talking around but not
one thing worth noticing went on there Saturday night.
Well, maybe it started there and moved out, huh?
I tried that. Some of the customers went out to the valley after to shoot a little dice.
Another bunch moved down to that big John and Adams for some poker. That's all.
Gambling, huh? Could be a gambling setup. Were they big games?
No, just the usual. Nothing extra at all. And especially, I couldn't bend down a thing
and I need 50 Gs changing hands. Are you positive, Hunger?
Well, you don't ask too many questions in that league, Phillip, but I'm pretty sure
nobody got rich right ahead, you know? I got a hint at least.
Yeah, well, look, what about this guy named Fish?
Blank. Some new faces in town but no high rollers answering to Fish.
And the background on Fay Altman? Yeah, some. Picking shovel queen in a nice
way. Been digging nuggets here and there for a year or so. The latest is the Gilledge
Punk you wanted to know about, Maynard Patterson.
Uh-huh. Can I have one of these?
Yeah, go ahead. Feed your face. Incidentally, they was among those present
in the colony Saturday night, if that means something to you. And that's about it, Phillip.
Okay, Hunger. Thanks a million. I'm sorry I couldn't be more help, but I think
you're getting a bum pitch. Oh, well, you're...
Visitors. Hey, I got to back way out of here. It won't look so good.
Newer shirt, bedroom, Hunger. You can go out the window and down the fire escape.
Hey, wait a minute, is that a new shirt? No, I come into a bit of clink so I had it washed.
I hope you're feeling better, Phillip. I'll see you.
Yeah, thanks. Come in.
Ordean, my sincere
Did you want to see me, Mr. Marlow? Sorry about your leg.
I'm sorry about it too. I can't get comfortable. Hey, I hear you really tied one on the other
night, huh, kid? Yeah, but I'm through, Mr. Marlow, I swear.
Yeah, sure. Sit down. Thanks.
What about the gambling? Lose your head over that too?
Yeah, I guess I do. As far as my allowance goes, anyway.
Now, look, I want you to tell me all you remember about Saturday night.
Well, I went to the colony club with Faye. That's my girl, Faye Altman.
By the way, how do you rate stuff like Faye on your allowance?
Huh? Just a minute. Skip it, skip it, skip it. Go ahead.
Well, I was drinking quite a bit and by one o'clock I guess I was pretty fuzzy.
I lost Faye someplace. Then I went outside for some air and from there on it's just a blank.
Now, look, if you didn't pass out cold, you're bound to have some flashes you can remember. I want it all.
Well, I do remember a couple of things, Mr. Marlow. Oh?
They're more like a dream than anything else. I seem to remember a big old-fashioned house.
It was dark and gloomy with high ceilings and old ornate brass chandeliers.
I don't know how I got there or what I was doing. Were you alone?
Well, I don't think so. I've got a man's face in my mind, a flabby guy in a silk shirt.
He had big hands, freckles on the backs of them. It was kind of a reddish hair on him.
I remember him against something green. Did he lisp?
I can't seem to remember. Just thinking about him gives me the willies, but I don't know why. I can't figure out why.
I talked to Faye. She waited for me until the colony closed and then she went home. She was pretty mad about it.
You sure that's all you can remember?
Yep. That's everything.
Does it make any sense at all?
Not much. Sounds like you could have been mixed up at a poker game at a green top table in an old dump on Adams.
Lost your shirt to a fat guy named Fish.
You think that's all there is to it, huh?
Well, not quite all. There's the little matter of 50,000 bucks you owe him.
50,000? Look, Mr. Marlow, if you and Ordean get me out of this mess, I swear I'll straighten up.
I'll never get into trouble again, honest.
Sonny boy, what you do later is your sister's headache strictly. I got trouble enough lining things up so you can get off the hook.
Now go on home and stay there till I call you.
Okay, okay.
Mr. Marlow, I...
I know you don't like me, but...
Well, thanks anyhow.
50,000 bucks.
Sunset 01...
04... 04...
I have to put Cass on so tight.
Hello?
Faye, my name is Phil Marlow. I've been trying to reach you for two hours.
Maybe you need longer arms, Mr. Marlow.
No, just some conversation about Maynard Patterson. I'm in my apartment, number 210, Granada Arms on Franklin. Can you come over?
Why would I want to talk about Maynard to you in the first place, and why don't you come over here in the second?
Well, in the first place, I'm a private detective. In the second, I got a busted leg.
How about it? It's important.
Well, I've never dated a private detective with a broken leg before. It sounds entrancing.
I'm around the corner on Bronson. I'll be right there.
Good. I'll...
Goodbye, Faye.
Come on in.
Well, well, well, well.
Sid Rayfield in person yet?
Yeah. The boys at the club told me about your urgent call peepers, so I came right out.
Well, if I'd known you were coming, I'd have baked a snake, Sid.
Skip the cracks. I know what you want.
Well, then you're clairvoyant, because I'm not sure myself yet.
Try this. You're working for Audine Patterson like you did once before because that punk brother of hers is in a bad jam with one Mr. Fish.
Well...
Yeah, it's quite neat, quite neat. You happen to know the guy?
Yeah, Marlow, I happen to know the guy. That's why I'm here, to tip you, because you're a friend of mine, more or less.
So I say leave it alone, Marlow. Get out of it. Stay out. It's none of your business.
You know, you talk like a man with a personal angle.
What? Why, I ought to split your lip for that. I come here to do your turn and you...
Take it easy. Mind your bedside manners, Sid. I'm an invalid.
You'll be worse than that if you don't back out of this. I'm telling you, this guy Fish is too hot to handle, Marlow, and you better...
Who's that?
How should I know? For a sick room, this joint's becoming more like Hollywood and Vine by the minute.
I took a long chance coming here. I gotta get out without being seen.
Well, try the bedroom window and fire escape. Everybody else does.
Don't let them in till I'm gone. You hear, it ain't healthy.
Marlow!
Sid! Sid, what is it?
Marlow, I'm hit!
Sid!
Lousy!
Silent, sir!
Oh! Oh, this stinking leg.
Nice going, Mr. Fish. I suppose that makes me...
Mr. Marlow! Mr. Marlow! It's Mitzi from the restaurant.
Are you all right, Mr. Marlow?
Yeah, yeah, Mitzi, I'm okay. I'm fine.
Well, I thought you was talking to somebody.
No, no, I was reading. I didn't hear the buzzer.
Oh, yeah. I know what you mean. Sometimes I get real carried away myself.
That's fine.
Look, I fixed up your dinner. Everything just like you ordered. Here, I'll drag the table...
No, Mitzi, I don't think I'll eat right now. Just put the tray down and beat it, huh? Like a good girl?
Yeah, but what about the dishes?
Oh, get them in the morning. Will you get out of here? Will you go on?
Oh, gee, he was okay. Good night, Mr. Marlow.
Okay, Fish, the girl's gone.
Well, come on in.
Did you hear me? I said come on in.
I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
In just a moment, the second act of Philip Marlow. But first, this Wednesday night, CBS brings you the premiere of a bright new musical show,
the ABCs of Music, starring Robert Q. Lewis and Ralph Flanagan's orchestra.
It promises a half hour of top hits and top entertainment every Wednesday on CBS,
when also you hear the hilarious Groucho Marx quiz show, You Bet Your Life, and the drama of Dr. Christian.
The ABCs of Music, Groucho Marx, and Dr. Christian come every Wednesday on most of these same CBS stations.
Now with our star, Gerald Moore, the second act of Philip Marlow, and tonight's story, The Bedside Manners.
A man is never ready to die, really. Sometimes saying you are helps.
Sometimes like when you're flat on your back waiting for a killer with a silencer, might step into view through your bedroom door.
I kept on waiting for 60 seconds, each as long as a fall down an empty well.
Once I thought I heard the window close. At least another five minutes went by.
Then I actually began to believe that for some reason Fish had gone away.
And that made the scoreboard real easy to read.
Sid Rayfield, a guy who knew his way around, had been killed.
And I hadn't been able to do a thing about it. It was time for a call to homicide.
But even as I reached for the phone, it went off. Hello? I said hello!
This is your last warning Marlow.
Oh, you got through our phone fast Buster. What's on your slippery mind Fish?
Something you'd be smart to pay attention to. You see Marlow, you're only still alive because it's convenient to me.
I'm glad you didn't feel that way about Sid Rayfield.
Rayfield got what he deserved. And so will you.
Like I said, you're only still alive because it's convenient to me.
You happen to be working for the lady who holds the purse strings.
Go on.
Therefore there's very little more Marlow, except this.
Maynard Patterson's a lousy poker player. On Saturday night he dropped 50,000 to me.
50,000 in two markets Marlow. One for 2,000 and the other for 48.
I want both paid promptly, you understand?
Not quite. Maynard Patterson doesn't remember what happened Saturday night.
So? So maybe you know all about it and you're making this up as you go along.
No Marlow, that's not the case.
If you drag yourself to the window sill in your bedroom you'll find all the proof you need.
What do you mean?
That I left one of the markers there. In a white envelope. The one for 2,000.
And it's in the poor little rich boy's own handwriting.
I left it there so you'd know I'm not kidding about the 48 grand.
I'll be in touch. So long Marlow.
My lousy double crook.
Come in.
Sure, why not?
How could a girl ever resist the welcome in your voice?
I'm Fay Altman, private detective.
That figures.
What happened to you? Fall out of a trance or trip over a clue? Which?
Neither. It was a wise crack, honey. I laughed so hard I fell down and broke my leg.
Let's get down to business, huh?
Yeah. First thought, a Fay, what's your connection with Maynard Patterson? How tight is the knot?
Huh? What was that again?
I said you and Maynard. Just how chummy are you two?
I thought I heard you right. You know, private detective, I don't like being pushed around.
Fay, there's a dead man in the bedroom.
A dead man? Did you say a dead man?
Sid Rayfield. He was murdered, Fay.
Oh no. Oh, not Sid. He was a nice guy, Marlow. Sharp, but nice.
Fay, I want you to go in there and look for an envelope on the window sill.
An envelope? No, I don't think I want to...
It's important, Fay. I can't get out of this bed.
Now go on. It may help us tag Sid's killer.
But... All right. I'll get it.
You say it near the window...
Keep going, Kay. At the window sill. Do you see it?
Yeah. I've got it. Here.
Hey, the window's broken in there. Do you know it?
Yeah, yeah. Now, Fay, my question about you and Maynard, somehow or other,
is May County in love with him?
No. I mean, I like him all right. He's a good time. Nice places, nice people.
Nice little presence, but... But no yachts.
No, that's right. No yachts. And I like yachts, private detective.
They beat rowing around in MacArthur Park. I know. I've tried them both.
Anything else? Yeah, turn it around. How does he feel about you?
Overboard, I guess. Look, you said that this might help catch Sid's killer.
I like Sid, so I'd like to see that happen.
But make this question a good one, because it's your last.
Fair enough. Maynard loves you, you love money. Maynard didn't have any.
Now the question. Did he have any plan to change all that?
Just one. He was saving up every cent he could squeeze out of that stingy sister of his
for a stake in a big card game. He was going to run it into Big Doe.
Any help, private detective?
Yeah, if you call checking other people's stories out, I help.
Which translates into what? Maynard did just that.
Only he lost it all Saturday night. Lost his stake and 50,000 bucks more.
He owes that much, Doe. Yeah, yeah.
Now tell me, have you heard from Maynard since?
You had your last question, private detective, remember?
Good night, Marlow. It's been a big fat pleasure.
I'll bet. Anyhow, pay my best to the fish.
Your very best to the fish? Yeah.
I don't get it. What fish? Never mind.
All right, baby, and don't slam the door.
When the lady was gone, it was time to call the police.
But I was dying hard, and even as I dialed the number, I turned the envelope
that had been left on the windowsill over in one hand.
The envelope was the cheap kind you'd find in any dime store with nothing written on it.
And the note itself, which read, I owe the bearer 2,000 bucks payable within 24 hours,
was signed Maynard Patterson and dated Saturday.
It was on a square piece of metal paper, and it made me think about a little item
which for quite a while would be sitting last for a last seat in the back of my mind,
but trying real hard to be star pupil.
Now, Marlow, the fishing may be great.
Oh, this leg. Come on, baby, be home.
Hello? This is Marlow, Ordean.
Oh, Phil, what have you found out?
I'm not sure, but among other things, they may have caught a killer.
Now, listen, do you still have that note?
You know the one you brought over here, the memo you made after fish call? Have you got it?
Yes, it's in my handbag.
Never mind the question, just get it, will you?
All right, I'll only be a moment.
I'll hang on.
You'd better just hang up, Marlow.
I wasn't expecting you just yet, Maynard.
No, nor this gun, I'm sure. Hang up, Marlow.
They'll only make a call back, you know.
Yeah, and won't my dear sister be exasperated when she keeps getting a busy signal?
No matter how long she dials, only a busy signal.
The pronunciation is shtignal, Maynard.
Or do I call you fish, and don't look so surprised your act's stank.
People who can't pronounce the letter S avoid it instead of going out of their way to use it as in perth ring.
My mistake, Marlow.
Yeah, among a lot of others, you never should have been careless about the kind of paper you wrote the IOU on.
Your sister, who you're trying to swindle, came in here earlier with the same juttings on a piece of paper that's got the same top edge.
Irregular. Because no doubt...
Yeah, I know, I know.
Because it was ripped off the same telephone pad.
And I wouldn't have used that paper since IOUs are customarily written during or immediately after a card game.
And I couldn't have been at home at the time of the game.
All right, stop it, Marlow. There's no need for any more hypotheses.
No, you can fill in all the blanks, can't you?
Step by step, a rotten tailor-made scheme to get your sister to save you by paying 50,000 bucks to a gambler named Fish who doesn't exist.
I said stop it.
A slimy setup that began with a fake one-night stand of bottle and bond amnesia.
Moved on to an also fake telephone call to ordain from a heavy named Fish.
A man with a lift.
Shut up, Marlow.
And the payoff, the confession call to me.
Shut up!
Yes, Mr. Marlow, everything you say is so.
But I'm still not beaten and I won't be.
You're the only one who knows all this.
And even as Fish kills Sid Rayfield, Fish is going to kill you.
Fish, Marlow, not me.
Fish, the ruthless gambler who never will be caught, but who my sister will pay nevertheless.
Is that clear, Marlow?
Not quite.
Why did you kill Rayfield? He had me convinced that Fish actually existed.
Which is the reason he died.
He was playing my game, Marlow, but not for me.
Somehow or other he found out what I was doing, maybe because he always checked carefully when anybody got too interested in Fay Altman.
And he decided to help things along, then cut himself in.
You know the answer to that.
Now, if you don't mind, turn on the radio, Marlow.
Why? Silence it as an-
Turn it on.
Louder.
I wouldn't want anything to go wrong now, Marlow.
I've been so lucky.
Lucky that I got away from my sister and was free to watch this building, this apartment.
Lucky so that I could see who came and who went and act accordingly.
Yeah, I've been lucky, all right.
You do grant me that, don't you, Marlow?
Yeah, sure. You've been lucky.
Yeah, you've been real lucky, Patterson. Up to now.
But you know how it is with luck, kid. One minute you have it, the next minute it runs out.
Look, do you mind if I turn this off? It's putting me to sleep.
You are brave, aren't you, Marlow?
No, no, no. Just lucky. Lucky that someone's standing behind you.
Who? The mounted police?
No, no, no. Just a guy. A guy named Hunger Malloy.
It's a funny kind of a guy, Maynard.
He was here earlier tonight and he ducked out by way of the bedroom, at least.
I thought he ducked out.
Oh, quit it, Marlow. Now, don't punch an inch.
I'm not going to turn around and give you the chance to go for that gun, which is probably under your pillow. Oh, no.
Oh, but Maynard, you should do something. You're about to be hitting a noggin honest, Maynard, with a vod.
That's Marlow, I'll believe when it happens.
He just wouldn't take your word, would he, Philip?
Well, that's the way it goes. I'll see you...
Now, wait a minute, Hunger. Come back here.
I can't, pal. You got a corpse in there. That means cops.
Them and me don't mix.
Don't worry about it. Just tell me before I bust. You started for the window 20 minutes ago. What happened?
Well, Philip, I...
What happened, Hunger?
I got delayed. After that, stuff was popping.
This louse was in there, then the corpse delecti, and then the louse again at the window, leaving an envelope, et cetera, et cetera.
Yeah, but delay, Hunger, before company started coming, what was it?
Well?
The truth, Philip?
Yeah, try it, try it. It may not hurt at all.
Okay.
They was on your dresser. The jazziest pair of pearl cufflinks, Philip, I've seen since I used to deal in Vegas.
I was attracted.
Hunger, it's a last favor to a guy you've already done a big favor for. Take the cufflinks. Go ahead, kid.
All right, Philip. As long as you put it to nice, I will.
Now, like I was saying...
Good night, Philip.
Wait a minute, Hunger. The cufflinks. Take them with you now.
Of course. That's exactly what I'm doing, Philip.
See you around.
Funny little guy. Funny name. Hunger Malloy.
You know, it's a strange thing, but a broken leg makes the old wheels go round.
Well, that figures. Makes you think about breaks. That brings me back to Hunger Malloy again.
The only break he ever got was in his skull.
Somebody once said we make our own breaks. I don't know about that. I didn't break my leg.
Maybe I did. Did I really look where I was going?
And Maynard Patterson. Look at all the breaks he had. Loads of dough.
Still, he didn't know where he was going either.
And Sid Rayfield.
I wonder if when the slug hit him, he thought, what a lousy break.
The Adventures of Philip Marlowe bringing you Raymond Chandler's most famous character, star Gerald Moore, are produced and directed by Norman MacDonald and are written for radio by Robert Mitchell and Gene Levitt.
Featured in our cast were Anne Stone, David Ellis, Vivi Janis, Wilms Herbert, Paul Dubov, and Frank Gerstel.
The special music is composed and conducted by Richard O'Rant.
Be sure to be with us again next week when Philip Marlowe says.
This time it was strictly out of whack.
From a perfect hostess who was rude to her guests, passed a big red fence that ran all the way from L.A. to Palm Springs.
To a second story man stabbed to death in a basement apartment.
Don't let a rainy day find you unprepared. Start saving for that rainy day right now by buying United States savings bonds.
There's nothing quite like these savings bonds. They're like a cash reserve always available when you need them, and yet they're always earning interest.
If you hold on to your savings bonds until they mature, you'll get back three or four dollars for every three dollars you invest.
Start providing for the future right now. Buy United States savings bonds regularly.
This is Roy Rowan speaking.
This is CBS the Columbia Broadcasting System.