okay you guys want to start by going over your characters at all
um yeah i i could i could okay you want me to you want me to go you want to all right i'm playing
some some otherwise known as ari strongbow okay that's great i don't care you're an adventure or
maybe even a group of adventures whatever why are you here no one cares tell me tell me don't tell me
your backstory we're here to kick ass and find treasure that's the motivation now get ready to roll
in front of you is a dark staircase some mysterious shadows begging you to enter and by backing i
mean you need to go down the stairs or there's not a hell of a lot of purpose of us being here today
all right
but we're together yes why aren't your tokens in here uh you have to drag them into this scene
every time oh really yeah okay bitch
pass
okay there you guys are all right making my way down the stairs all right you guys go down the stairs
right right yeah all right this room is dark and smells like a pet store it's all wood chips and warm
poop down here a bunch of bats flap around the room they look harmless smells like poop in here
and warm sawdust i told you i didn't i it was what i ate earlier
are those are those bats get your they might be why don't you get your bow and arrow and just
just let me i might get start crawling i'm i'm not gonna shoot a bat you know how hard it is to hit a bat
well good thing these aren't bats they're sturges and they start to attack oh no
so we shall have to roll for initiative okay what do i roll uh there should be in the
the encounter tab oh nice are they in there oh i see the sturges oh boo already rolled so i just roll
that big yeah just click the dice is all my info in there yes i put it in wow
did i roll no no uh it won't let me roll you can roll for me i click on it it won't it doesn't roll
i'll do roll i wonder if the permissions are slightly different i don't know maybe i'm just that kind of
lucky guy and maybe that's this kind of game i'm gonna be the lucky one
yeah and they come on top i can't wait until you try and lie thinking you're max skyblade
this is oh i am always a skyblade
all right hey nice i'm first are you strong bow is first all right uh i'd like to
i don't know the rules so you might have to stop me i'd like to take my sword out and uh
swing at one of these things okay triumphantly any one um
the one that's closest to me is the layout that you have here basically right yeah it's
they're on stairs it's in the picture oh okay i want it's in the picture i want to jump off the stairs
and swing at one of the uh the sturgeys all right give me an acrobatics roll okay how do i do that
yep here we go i don't know all right
okay so i can't do it i'm not going to do it from foundry i don't think because i don't have the tool belt
or athletics not not uh acrobatics no it's acrobatics okay oh there it is okay so which
which one would it be uh acrobatics so i roll a d20 yeah okay and i have to roll so i got acrobatics plus
three i got you it's plus two my sheet says plus three though but mine says plus two
okay then i will fix mine
all right all right i rolled a four is that good enough no it is not you fail and you fall down into
the straw oh the straw yes it's itchy all right watch this i'm gonna forget i'm i'm gonna forget i'm
this character i'm gonna think of my skyblade i go to hide well you have to wait for your turn
oh uh oh you're a lot more sassy than i thought it comes from a long line of sassy
all right tiger did you use a um an online roller i used a dice i have dice here
all right um that's the first service is going to attack you know you can if i think you can
click on so on the uh the chat tab there's there's a dice there that's what i've been trying to do oh
it's not doing it no oh it's not opening up a dice roller huh no strange oh you deleted all the chats
there's probably a d20 you can actually do it in discord oh really yeah oh let me start a new
i don't know why oh yeah in
okay i think
maybe i don't oh yeah here's the bot dice
oh but this is only for
i don't know might be better to find a website for today i can look for a discord bot later
okay um
so the first sturgis in order swings and attacks
okay it's gonna use its blood drain
blood drain blood drain you didn't say these were blood draining sturges is
no i did not
they're just sturges again
against kerr
okay that's that's boo yeah okay
all right i assume seven is not going to beat your armor class blue
my armor class is 12. okay so nothing happens then it's here actually it's it's cure actually it's
here okay so the second one does the same exact thing
with an eight so that doesn't that misses two attacking kerr kerr here here here sorry okay so
now here it's your turn maybe jerry all right what what what can i do because like i don't really know
do i have cantrips do i have uh like spell slots i didn't really do a lot of research other than look
at the sheet it should be on there shouldn't it it's on the sheet yeah
yeah you know mage hand
press the digitation and ray of frost yeah but i don't know what those things are
i mean i guess ray of frost is kind of explanatory enough
but is mage hand like a wave
mage hand is like uh an ethereal hand will come out and like move something or
my god really something like that yeah that's like cool as hell all right how is that gonna help
i don't know you know every sometimes you need a high five you know pick me up out of the out of
this straw i can only use it once yeah it's itchy no it's a cantrip you can use it whenever
all right so i use press meditation to get him out of the or no mage hand to get him out of this
get uh some some out of the uh out of the hay okay but i'm doing it like crouching like
okay that's your action for the turn then that's fine i don't give a fuck
that's gonna
fucking matter
the third surge is going to attack here
here
that's what i said and that one that one won't hit either it's a two
nice all three of them are misses
really low armor class okay now it's some some it's 12 yeah it's really not that high what's
what's a high armor class isn't yeah oh
like a 14 or higher is pretty good all right it's already strong bows all right um
i still think it's probably best to swing at the uh sword so i'm gonna do i'm gonna swing at the one
that just tried to like most recently tried to hit um cure okay um
all right do is can i get i don't know how this works is is there can i get an advantage for
uh cure helping me up
no because then you're just up okay you're just where you were so so it would have been it would
have been like a disadvantage if i was still down or i'd have to yeah yeah yeah you'd have to
make the maneuver to stand up okay and since i don't need to do a maneuver do i i don't have an extra
attack i would just have another maneuver okay yeah you can use it to get closer all right
so i get i get close and uh i sort of push cure aside using him like for a boost to go right at one
of the sturgeses and i roll in 18 okay that saved you no it was it was like a teamwork push
although i did why am i on my face then
all right roll one d8 one d8
uh which one is the eight this one right no that's seven ten this gotta be eight wait is there
a zero on a d8 no this is ten i don't know which one is eight andy
which i mean because i'm i got i'm at roll the die dot dot net and you can put like you know one dice
eight sides yeah i see i just don't do that all right i'll just roll the d8 on here roll
rolled one d8 four four damage i think okay plus two set slashing damage because of from the weapon
yeah oh yeah one d8 plus two slashing okay i see all right that's search no not all of them yeah
yeah what a swing baby grand slam no i just want this one dead
oh because i was because i was doing it to all of them do you have them all highlighted no you might
have them all oh did you select them to be linked not that i know of well check
link actor data yeah yeah turn that off okay you have to change it on each one of them okay
some some some in the house because if i do kill all of them i'm gonna twerk so hard you're gonna
twerk yeah
all right that was the closest one that just attacked cure all right all right so now it's the first
surges chance nice and that one is going to use blood drain on some some i can't see on in the
encounter which one is dead yeah uh i can oh it's the last one okay yo how convenient
check um that will not hit nice so the next surge my blood is for me
will attempt the same thing oh it just disappeared you read you just removed it yeah okay and that's a 14
to whom to me uh my armor class is 14 exactly so i can't i can't remember who that goes to ty goes to the runner
who's the runner in this case uh i don't know
uh
attackers win all ties in 5e oh okay
that means i lose yes you lose oh boy okay so it's 1d4 plus three
you're not gonna want to roll that just let's say you roll to zero
okay it was four plus three so seven damage
all right so where should i mark that
here i put it in there for you oh no not plus seven
would i open my thing up oh see i can't i can't change anything in my sheet
oh okay
okay so it should be counting down when it's not
because your hit points are seven out of 12 but that's not right
because it should be five i don't know what my total hit points is is that on my sheet
should be
it is right underneath you see the green box in the middle yeah it says on the top line oh hit
point max hit points maximum all right and i lost four no you lost seven are you sure yes you got
minus seven okay but the thing with this blood drain is that it doesn't because it attaches to you while
it's doing this ah
it doesn't attack next turn oh okay so it's
it's the target loses 1d4 plus three due to blood loss
oh so i can't it all right so i can't continue to attack oh
oh shit so it's stuck to me and it's gonna keep it stuck to you yes oh this sucks
mac
so now it is matt did he hear me
not back
here here it's pronounced cure
what is prestiditation
uh well i think it's from the latin for digit which is digit that's all i got
it's a tickling spell
press did
i wish i
magic tricks performed as entertainment
is that really what it is
that's what the definition is on there
on in dnd or just in websters that was just websters oh
all right this spell is a minor magical trick that novice spell casters use for practice
you create one of the following magical effects within range
you create an instantaneous harmless sensory effects such as a shower of sparks a puff of wind faint musical notes
or an odd odor you instantaneously light or snuff out a candle you instantaneously clean or soil an object no longer than one cubic foot
you chill warm or flavor up one cubic foot of non-living material what you think a color a small mark or a symbol appear on the object or a surface for an hour or you create a non-magical trinket or an illusionary image that can fit in your hand and last until the end of your next turn
so are we assuming that cure knows this like yeah it's a cantrip okay so it's he's not reading like from a book
no no what is this thing that i know how to do already
no i am however trying to like oh what the fuck is persistation again
is it useful is this is this useful all right make me taste bad
oh ray of frost and i blast him with a ray of frost uh how do i no how do i do that
i assume roll a d20 i have a d8 here set up
oh i guess i have no idea how
i speak goblin goblins me too that's gonna be really helpful
i speak goblins is that a spoiler it's a goblins you're a spoiler yeah that's right i call
that's right you can go on the trunk of a car
all right make a ranged attack spell attack on the target
will do and with gush we'll go ahead and roll a d20 uh do you have any pluses for your
i have a plus uh attack bonus of plus two
on my core yeah but that yeah you're
you're only gonna that's only if you hit someone with it okay what were you asking
all right so all right so all right so you have plus three and intel in uh in your intelligence
oh no uh hacker's pissed he left oh no he's pissed off no i'm right here he's real pissed
yeah so you can do your ray of frost roll uh a d20 okay and then it's just and then it's add three
for your intelligence all right d20 roll i got an 18 so was that 20 that that is
all right and then roll what did it say uh 1d8 1d8
all right i got a seven is that still okay no it's not close anything okay all right and which one did
you hit uh the nearest one anyone that will look like he might have been close to attacking me well
there's one that's on some some and there's one that's just flying around is it near me which one's
the closest which one's closest to me the one on some some i don't matter i don't know tell me
well i'm probably i'm probably in between you and one of them at least
all right um i blast the one that's attacking her yeah
make me taste bad with your predestination
it's predestination and that's also not what he used
oh no he used ray of light all right that's ray of frost that surge is dead
so i'm not being sucked on no more no it falls it gets hit by this ray of frost
and you know what tiger that's me yes me me me why don't you give me
a survival roll okay survival i have i have plus three is that right yeah okay and i roll d20 yeah okay
10 plus three is 13 13 okay uh you get a little bit of a shiver when this uh ray of frost hits
oh it's you to kill the surge but other than that you're fine okay so now it is your turn
oh that was cold all right i'm gonna it's called ray of ice
ray of ice it's called ray of frost well they don't know that i i know that i know and i'm arguing with
you well don't stop it you look stop making me look bad in front of the girl that's your own fault
i did not she didn't need to know that
well all right i don't know who you're arguing with but uh i'm gonna swing at this remaining bat
okay roll a d20 10 10 plus plus wait
what you're plus four why would it be plus four because you're using your long sword i assume
okay so it's 10 plus four yes all right so that's not plus that's not plus to the d8 it's plus to the d8
no it's plus the attack number so you have 14 yes all right
you're using it one-handed or two-handed uh just one-handed that's right okay i don't know what
so does it do more dance it doesn't have it doesn't show on here oh does one d10 versatile
oh i see and if you use the two hands all right roll a d roll the d8 a d8 all right
uh four plus two slashing
please tell me they're weak to slashing
what you got uh four plus two four plus two six okay that sturge is also dead
oh so you you you managed to kill all the sturges in the room
well that was
yeah are they gone all right but some some since you managed to fall into the
straw the straw and the the poo oh no poo yeah you now smell like it you smell really bad
you smell like sturge poo and every single charisma check and a charisma saving throw
you get disadvantage on oh no all right i gotta make an out of this um until it's washed off
all right what is it affecting it charisma charisma uh sturges
poo minus how much charisma too uh it's just advantage oh disadvantage that would that would be bad
oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah should have stayed out of that poo
i tried to well i didn't really try to i was i thought i was gonna hit it right off of the stairs
you were scared i i was not scared i was saving you
i mean by jumping into a pile of poo i did swing it would have been really cool if i hit it
you swung right into poo
who
i can't all right that both of you rolled a d20 for me okay but only because you asked so nicely
all right all right eight oh 12 so cure rolled a nine total care yes
some some it's i just roll so just the d20 it's not a plus for anything well you'll get one uh plus one
for your wisdom okay so it's it's wisdom yeah it's a wisdom check okay yeah so third so 13 total
13 okay as you two are entering the next room some some can hear
two dot two goblins talking in goblin about how how their friend jerry is a useless jerk
uh i hear two goblins i think they're talking about jerry being a jerk
well do you speak yes you speak goblin i do you sure is that uh so in the bottom left square it says
proficiencies in languages oh okay all right common
common elvis and goblin
oh did you say elvis
well it's oh no it's elvish oh
just a little just just a little elvis all right oh uh no vision you're gonna have to turn off our token
the token vision or the yeah i i think token vision would be the easiest token vision
oh weird we're we are
all right this room features a small wooden table and a couple of stools two goblins hang out here
looking pretty bored maybe they'd be less bored if they got into a life or death struggle with a few
adventures just a thought
andy andy i i still don't have vision
me neither did you not maybe you didn't save it
there we go
all right now i know what i gotta do
oh nice you drew a table yeah and there's the two goblins down there
and this is this is a door yes those little greens those little green slots will always be a door
um
can i
casually walk up to them
and sort of
like
very cool like
saddle up to them
no don't do that
give me a
uh
i'm not trying to i'm not trying to sneak i'm just trying to play it cool
i know it's gonna be a charisma check then
yeah i guess so
all right so disadvantage so i rolled twice
you rolled twice the lower the number
okay
ten
i can't even oh there's the okay you have minus one charisma anyway
all right so ten
so ten was my lower one so you had nine uh you said it was minus one for charisma yeah oh no let's
that's saving throws
oh it's you get zero nevermind so it's a ten oh i see yeah right there yeah as you as you try to
casually walk up to them you manage to kick something that was on the floor you don't even know what it is
but it makes a loud enough noise for them both to turn and look at you
oh hello
goblins
i first start talking in what's the regular oh common and then i quickly switch to goblin
hello fellow goblins who are you
um
are you strongbow and and do they can i tell if they can see um cure yeah it's a pretty well
okay i'm hiding though and and i turn and i say and this is cure
and this is my name and then i turn and you're you're hiding
my name's jerry not cure all right here give me a performance check all right how do i do that
roll a de-plank
i got a 14. okay minus one okay you're successfully in they can't see you
hooray but i was shouting
yeah but they can't see you okay good that's always important yeah
why are you here stranger i'm just saw the stairway and it looked really bitching so i
i came down so yeah you smell worse than our friend jerry and he's a jerk
oh well um i'm not useless
i have many uses in fact like what i i've killed the no less than three sturgises just just now
no less than three sturgis you say yes i mean it might be exactly three sturgis but let's not go
counting
also i don't think that's correct you wouldn't know that
i heard their shrieks yeah they definitely three of them died all right let us test your mental
oh roll for initiative initiative wait i say you don't want to fight us i'm i am accompanied my
friend cure he is a big scary wizard yeah he you heard don't you hear the screams the girlish cries
i don't he's powerful no no no i listen i thought i i thought we were in here this is not where i parked my
car car let's get out of here no no all right fine let's tango the summer i'll see you later bye
you're just gonna run run away
you're gonna have to roll for me again andy okay
that one is uh
did boo are you running away uh i guess i ran around the corner at least
so i guess i roll initiative and i'll come back no too late you're out i ran away i ran away
all right some some your turn i i turn these things it's just just just run away
statistically i've read statistics you don't it doesn't help to fight them just run
i i turn and i see just nothing it's just a bunch of dust thinking that kira would be there
and i say what the fuck and i start i start walking towards the goblins
okay then what um and i say you two wait a goblin what is a goblin how big is a goblin am i
bigger than a goblin they're small they're small so they're like a little bit shorter than me
they are i think it said it was
oh
do
small is five by five feet so yeah five feet tall okay all right so so i stepped to him and i would
like to say i am not a person that you want to fuck with and can i intimidate them or are we past that
more past that you already tried to intimidate them by lying about your uh sturges kills okay
uh i'm still just you said no less than three but you only killed two
right but they didn't lie i did i did lie all right and i walk up to him but i i do not make the first
strike um so i get closer and i have a menacing stance and i just uh give them a mean look
okay so the first goblin whose name is leg and she's missing an eye
draws her short bow
to attack you
but does she 16 oh no my armor class is 14
okay so i gotta roll 1d6
does five seven points of damage you are down
oh no i am down
i'd come back and help but i was told not to
no you can still re-enter oh you ran away though so you're not going to be part of it
so what does that mean you just told me two different things you can come back and join but
you're not going to be you have to re-roll to be part of it oh all right well yeah i come back
and re-roll not 10 i want what is going on with this
oh you're doing my my damage yeah i can't see it anyway i i rolled i have 14
or i wrote it down i mean what as i wrote it down i have minus 14
my maximum is 12 12 so you're you're down
that was quick yes it was
now the other goblin whose name is i who is missing a leg
maneuvers towards the door to go look for
your counter your your partner well he didn't he didn't see the partner leave so he's he's walking
around checking it out okay
and i can't do anything right you have to i think you have to roll
if you roll above a 10 then you get a say then you don't die and you have to get three
okay so since it's my turn should i go yeah well unless if cure wants to try to join
yeah i'll try to join how do i do that what do i do walk back in all right i'm back in i'm in here now
okay roll here i'll roll your all right so it's it's your turn here okay i'm gonna hit him with a
hit who uh what was the goblin that attacks some some
but it's all the way over here oh yeah no no i'm right i'm sorry uh i got you
you want to take a little right in front of me yeah okay i'm gonna i want to hit him with i
don't know what it does but i'm just gonna go with it a magic missile
all right that sounds good i know
that sounds good
where do you see that at it's under uh prepared spells under my spell book my spell book contains
these first level spells burning hands detect magic mage armor magic missile shield and sleep
so i'm assuming these are the ones the i can only use once per game um per session i'm assuming
yeah it's in attacks and spell casting there's prepared spells you prepare for first level spells
make them available for you to cast and then the next one is spell book your spell book contains these
first level spells burning hands detect magic mage armor magic missiles shield and sleep
i don't see the spell book anywhere
you don't see it it's in the same box as cantrips and spell slots
oh okay all right i can be a missile baby
do
magic missile oh yeah magic missile baby magic missile okay this guy's gonna be blown away
why there's a reference reference to a random aerosmith live album yeah magic magic magic
mountain
you know a lot of people would get that one good idea i yeah i don't know how to feel about it
all right roll three d4s three of them don't do it it's a trap that's fine
all right so first d4 roll is four okay
my second one is also four okay my third one is one
all right so that's 15 points of damage because you get three you get three of them now
through what you get three magic missiles so you can pick to to to shoot them at
shoot two at the one that's by you and one at the other one if you want i like that idea very much
let's do it okay so the first two are going towards the one that's in front of me mr
third one is going to hit the the one that's far away magic years yeah he's going to get it okay
all right the one that's right in front of you dies and you said the last roll was one right yes
why would this
why would this change
i don't know why it won't let me change
uh maybe because the combat hasn't started yet oh okay does that change it
no i wouldn't think so i don't know
i can't see it anyway
because i'm trying to do permission configuration
and i don't i'm not in there yeah because you have permission everything you're the game master
well apparently i don't i don't i are you sure what you're changing is the damage
yeah yeah i don't know
because it says hit points
and then i hit i hit delete it turns to 10. all right let's see so i can't do like
unresolved oh i wouldn't see it in mine anyway
we might just have to keep keep track on paper
i guess so okay let's go uh some some it's your turn so i just have to roll above a 10.
above a 10 yeah but yeah what if i don't then i'm dead
well then you you have to fail three times oh okay or if you roll a one then you're dead
18. okay so you have one success so you're still alive okay but i still can't do anything no okay
the goblin that shot down some some is going to take a shot at here
with what
let me try something
okay i feel like an idiot now
well you don't have to tell us okay
you just pretend like you did it all on purpose it was all on
purpose
all right that does not hit your armor class so here it's your turn all right um
what else we got here
what does mage hand oh i already tossed that one um
anything like
what uh what does burning hands do is that just
the scripting
in the description
i can google it like i've been doing
descriptions are in the rule book
in the rule book that's what it says descriptions are in the rule book i'm sure there's a page for
spells i i'll just hit him with another ray of frost
yeah because i don't know how far my distance is on that i was gonna try now if i use
press visitation can that be like it uses a
distraction to help out or like it could be yeah okay just curious um i'm gonna use a ray of frost
okay okay so if you were to use uh burning hands each creature would have to make a dexterity saving
what does that mean well some some would have to make a dexterity saving roll as well oh i see
yeah so you're just gonna use bray of frost yeah that sounds fun
just blast them with an icy icy icy high an icy glass if i told you so glug glug glug glug
good thing you watched all the episodes oh yeah
all right what do i roll i forgot i forgot what was
you roll your d20 d20 roll at a 14
that will hit so roll a d8
the d8
two all right
uh some some your turn uh so just uh i gotta roll above a 10 again yeah
17 okay so it's two successes i need one more you need one more to to stand back up
okay okay so it is the goblin's turn and she will launch another arrow i have i have a thing here i
don't know if i can do it it says you can you you can use a bonus action to trigger one of these
features you have a limited well of stamina you can draw on to protect yourself from harm
you can use a bonus action to regain hit points equal to one d10 plus your fighter level
can i yeah can i do that or is it only okay because i didn't know if i could do actions if i'm out
um
i don't see why not okay i'm rolling
okay and i have to get above zero right because i'm at four or like because i'm at negative two
right now well it's just zero i think okay so just zero yeah all right so if i get to zero i can stand
back up all right uh i rolled a nine so it says hit points equal to one d10 plus your fighter level so
it would be 10 yeah okay and then i'm at so plus 10 so i'm at four hit points i think you're at four
or minus four i should say or okay so it'd be six
well no because i started with 12
yeah then you were down yeah so you would gain 10 more or 10 back i'm gaining 10 back yeah
okay
so i have minus seven minus seven plus 10 so four yeah
it'll be minus four so it'll be eight total i have eight hit points okay
i think if i'm counting that right
okay um but that will use up your turn so it's the next goblin
i hope he doesn't hit me all right well he sees you
he sees you stand back up she does huh triumphantly she sees you stand back up and she runs out of the
room
through where she flees she flees so we don't see where she goes oh i mean there's only one door in
here so she runs out that door oh
all right
and that's the end of the combat
my god well no that was um not fun do you have to pick a fight with every person we come across
i did not make the first i was giving them an opportunity to talk
you should have been more polite
every everything we come across we came across bats and two goblins they were dead dead set on a fight
usually people are in ten that's a race that's racist
all right so now i i started knocking on the doors trying to find or the walls looking for a door
well you can only find the one door okay that's pretty obvious yeah
yeah because you just saw you just saw a leg run out of that door oh
okay okay
oh i guess this is where we're supposed to go
i do not own any token with vision in this scene
okay
all right
all right you guys can see yourselves jerry i know i know who can
i can all right this room is it's a square room with doors to the northeast and northwest
and one to the southeast it's also got statues kind of scattered around mostly statues with of rick
with inscriptions like wow and damn one of the statues depicts a woman in armor really fine
crafting really interesting seems like a great artist worked really hard on this one
how many
uh four statues of rick and then one of this this woman in armor
can i oh go ahead i go up and look at the woman in armor all right so you start looking at it and at
at the base of the statue of black reeds don't worry i'm not a real person turned to stone i'm just a
cool looking statue put here to intrigue you it's probably nothing you should just pick a door let's
let's get a move on
can i roll a perception to see if i can see where the goblin went
yeah all right so was that it would be a d20 again yeah
10 and then plus plus perception so it'd be 13 all right i think you you see no sign of the
of the goblin that ran away lame
i yell out you perceive nothing you perceive nothing okay
um
of course and then i groan too is that of course you're looking at the one with the big boobs
boobs i'm just remarking on our very delicate features i mean it's very pretty it's pretty
good i mean someone put a lot of this one yeah it's a pervert here since you're staring at it
roll a perception for me okay what is that d8 no it's a d20 i'm not gonna remember you don't tell me
everything most of it's a d20 nine nine you have plus three what except when it's d8
so you have plus three so that's 12 okay so on on this statue as you're looking at it you see a hidden
compartment and you go over to it and you pull out a small little piece of paper
and it's written in common so you well you can read goblin too but so it says quit wasting your
time pick a door and go flip a coin if you have to just pick a fucking direction it's not rocket
science what are you going to do spend the whole night here standing in here with some statue
need to pick a door and go this is like the third fucking room we ain't got all night
i think this note is trying to tell me something or is it i'm pretty sure i'm right to be a little
suspicious of this note all right well maybe we maybe we should just pick a door well which one would
which one which one would you pick um well uh i would like to look at the statue and try and figure out
which is the door it doesn't want me to take i don't know how to do that like maybe it's looking
is it looking at like one of the doors is it obvious is it telling any of the statues telling us anything
give me another perception okay
16 16 plus plus three so 19 you can get it you can look up at it and its eyes and the sword it's holding
are raised right up to the ceiling so it doesn't give you any information okay um
then i say we go to the one furthest from this the door furthest from the statue
okay so let's just say that the statue was down here then
okay okay in the southeast corner all right so then in the northwest door i'm suggesting we go in the
northwest door
all right oh i i i i want to go with the one furthest from this statue
all right let's uh northwest door it all right you guys go to the door on the northwest
oh this one's right oh gross
was that the door no oh this is a large mouth the door is the green one to the right that's the one
we walked in or that's another door yeah that or no no that's another door sorry okay i was gonna say it
wasn't a yes or no question
all right this rectangular room conveniently conforms to a grid for easy map making
on the north wall is a big orange mouth about eight feet high yeah it's gross and a little weird there's
nothing else you can really see in this room and you're not really looking anywhere else because i mean
what the what the
it's a giant mouth in the wall
uh is it it's a real mouth
oh it is a real mouth
um
okay what does it smell like
roll the percent why would you want to know
probably halitosis
what is that
it's not good
seven so four plus three seven okay you can't smell anything besides your own breath
and your sturges poo covered body oh i forgot
uh maybe should we feed it something
like what i'm not sure what to do i've never have you ever come across a
large mouth before
it's been a while
yeah
what did you do the last time you came across a large mouth in the wall like this
uh
it was
i think i just left it alone
maybe if i blast it with a ray of frost what do you think surprise show me what you've got
no
riddle you have to do it i hide behind summer
s
um
d w
what is next in line
wait
solve the riddle and something cool happens if you fail it's bad what's your answer
s
m a
what h
smh
d w m
you have one shot
oh boy
wizard boy
you know you know you know books and stuff
i don't i don't remember what he said
he said what's the next letter
uh
z
s
m
h
d
w
m
i think maybe it stands for show me how do women masturbate
you have one guess
no no i that wasn't a real guess
then speak quieter
well i don't know
i think you know another m maybe there's another there's an m there there's a w that's upside
out now um maybe it's a third maybe the third oh that doesn't make any sense
oh boy um
it's not jumping out at me
i am only plus one wise
what what
what
i only have i don't know i don't have very much wisdom
um um um um um not what's what's a letter uh z no um
a letter that
y well let's go with y y sounds good why is it good like maybe you know
why not really all right fine we're going with why
mouth
we're going with why
you've got
show me
what
you've got
the mouth starts coughing and spits out 50 gold pieces
what
i don't know how but you've got it right
i'll tell you why
hdwm stands for seconds minutes hours days weeks months and year
oh man i just randomly i just couldn't have been see
the mouth then disappears
and you are left with one option
what is our option
what option going to the mouth the door the mouth disappeared
and now it's a door
what
and now it's a door
you can go out the door
so back to back to the room we came from
no
oh wait uh wait hold on the 50 gold pieces
wait we splitting this
i mean i answered the question yeah but i let you answer it i could have overruled you
i i personally think you know maybe no
60 40 my way
mm fine
all right
good one jerry
when it won the game
i'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife
you have a wife
no jerry says that in the show
oh right
was that the apples episode
yeah
so really
hungry for
hungry for apples
all right so then i get
so we split 50
60 40
uh
so what is that 30 20
that's what i said
no you didn't you only said it after i said it
you didn't say it
i did though
don't mess with god
no no
why
the big mouth comes back
no
all right
all right i was saying the letter y
where do i even put gold
oh is this is that gp
oh yeah this is this is all right
so plus 20
all right
all right so we go back into so i assume we're going back into the statue room
no there's another door
oh we're going in the other door for sure
okay
well some some is i don't know about i don't know about here
following behind and very quickly trying to avoid being seen
by anything you guys are gonna miss max guy blade by this game
you thought mike sky blade
hid
room five
you guys see the room numbers up there yeah i don't see anything in the room
like i can hold out i can see everything i can only see two uh two green things
hold on
okay
my token's not in here yet though
working on it
oh there i am
mac you should be able to see everything i only see my characters and the uh green squares
you don't see the map yet or like the the picture
no
oh i see it
yeah you should be able to see it
i'm not sure why that would be
yeah i don't know why
i could describe it to him
i'm pretty sure that's my job
but i can see it though
the big old this big old circular room features six bedrolls on the floor a bunch of dice and some
parchment scattered around oh yeah i forgot about that
goblins
there are four goblins
goblins
where are they coming from
these goblins are named jerry jerry jerry and jerry
oh my god
oh and then
there's five
i i i i don't know the one that the one that ran away
you think one of these is the jerk
i'll whisper that to uh cure
and
since
since i was able to run away there already
they've already got their their scimitars
wheeled in waiting for you to enter
i'm gonna start slowly walking backwards
what is
summer back through the door we came in
oh
can we do that can we just walk away
oh i didn't see this one
they set up an ambush but they set it on the opposite door
that you guys came in so they set it up on the door on the right
so they're facing the wrong way
yeah they're all facing the wrong way
so do they hear us so it's not obvious they heard us come in
they did not
okay
so what do you guys want to do
so they don't know we're here
they do not they're waiting at the other door
um
i can hit them with prostitization
and what give them gas
yeah give them gas
can i do that is that does that work
no that is not what
percent
prestidates chasing does
i forgot what it does let me out
you know it does
simple magic tricks
yeah
why don't you set up
yeah you set up like sparks or you make a gust of air
if you use gas
it will
immediately alert them to your presence behind them
fuck
um
i could shoot them with an arrow
i have arrows
can i hide first
is there a place to hide
no because all the bed
there's just bedrolls there's no furniture
except for the table that that they were
all around
so what are we supposed to be doing when we're in here
are we uh
it's up to you
okay um
i mean either we could leave
but they're they're already staked against that other door
so i don't think we're gonna drop better than this
oh we're dropping them huh
well i don't know i
i was just thinking about sneaking by them but i don't know if there's anywhere to sneak through
or two
but that's why i'm asking where there's another way to get through this
or just if we just gotta attack them
i i'm assuming i'm assuming we could see everything right or
yeah you can see everything it's a pretty well-lit area
okay so we can see that they're they're basically huddled around the other door waiting for someone to come in
yeah okay and there's nowhere else to go i guess we could the only other thing would be that if there was something in this room
so
do you want to look around the room
um
i don't know i would guess that uh
i'm not about to fight these goblins again
i'm outnumbered i almost died from them last time
i figure
i don't know do you have like a blown blow everything up uh spell
yeah it's called my magic missile baby
i used it on the last batch of goblins
well do another one
i only can do it once
okay well that's not helpful so let's uh
i can oh i got i got one
okay i have sleep
what is that gonna do
put them to sleep
oh i thought you i thought put you to sleep
can that work out of multiples or just one
don't know
oh my god
let's just remember not to come in this room later
from the other door
all right so if you want to do sleep you got to roll
five d8s
okay
which i mean you should be able to hit five
all right roll one is one for one
roll two is eight
well yeah you've i mean you've already got it
oh okay all five of them
well yeah because you roll five d8s
okay
the total is how many hit points of creatures this spell can affect
oh okay all right keep rolling because you got you got nine so far right yeah they got three more rolls all right uh six
15
seven
22
and another seven
29
so it's only going to affect four of these goblins
if you decide to do it
should i do it so i think i can put five of them i can put four of them to sleep can you take care of the last one
um okay all right so
sleep
that's all you have to do is just yell sleep don't they teach you in wizard school
it's it's in the it's in the inflection you know the the fingers i mean
okay all right
now it only lasts a minute what what
what if you're really quiet
it lasts one minute oh my god we're
fucked
why didn't you know that already
how do i what why didn't you know that already
i uh you know forgot until god reminded me
huh
uh
so at this point i can get a free shot of my arrow
yes
all right
i will grant you that
all right
go ahead and roll a d20
okay
10
plus
plus seven
whoa plus seven
for the longbow that's what it says if you want to take another another look at that
all right
which is probably what i should have been using all along now i think about it
yeah okay so it hits
all right and it okay in a d8 roll uh one d8 all right
six plus three uh so nine okay that goblin is dead nice so now we have now we have four
sleeping baby the other four are asleep okay first for a minute i do want to get it i do want to get a drink though
yeah
time for a break
yeah good good time for a break
hey care
i smoked him
what
i smoked him
you gotta be back in a minute
you
Thank you.
What's up?
I messed up my back the other day somehow.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Have you left it?
No.
I don't know what it was.
What?
I just woke up and was sore.
No, don't tell people that.
Tell me it was some squats.
No.
Everyone that I would tell knows I'm a lazy sack shit.
But it's funny when you say it.
That's what makes it funny.
All right.
You got me there.
But yeah.
So I went to urgent care and they gave me some painkillers and some muscle relaxers.
Make sure you try.
This is going to sound stupid, but try yoga.
Try a basic exercise, like a five-minute one that you can find on YouTube.
Just stretching out your back might help out.
Unless it's a broken.
It's not broken or anything, but I will once it hurts.
Once it stops hurting.
Because right now I can't even put on socks.
Oh, that sucks.
Yeah.
Every now and then I go through something where I get a back pain.
The first thing I have to end up doing is just slowly stretching it out, kind of.
Yeah.
But I had back pain for like three months.
And you know what ended up happening with it?
I had it for like three months.
And then one day I hadn't had it for like a week and a half and I didn't even realize it.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I was just wondering, I was like, didn't I have back pain recently?
It just went away?
Yeah, it just went away.
And I didn't even notice it either.
That's what I'm hoping happens now.
Yeah.
It's always the worst.
It sucks.
Especially, Tiger, did you hear me hurt his back lifting?
He was doing squats.
No, he wasn't.
He was doing some quick squats.
Yeah.
Some Canadian squats.
Squats.
Yeah, squats over the toilet.
Yeah.
No, he wasn't.
Told you no one would believe it.
Yeah.
And I'm laughing.
So I told you it'd be funny.
Okay.
You guys ready?
Yeah.
I have a crazy idea.
Okay.
Well, I'm talking to, what's his name?
Kier.
Yeah.
What?
All right.
Now, stay.
And I walk over.
See, they're still sleeping, right?
We have a minute.
I'm going to pick up the dead goblin and hold it up like this, like off the ground.
And I tell Kier, like, I think we need information from these guys.
Okay.
So do you want me to, are you going to, are you going to pretend he's a puppet?
No, that's not the plan.
I mean, I think I can generate some smoke.
I mean, we might be able to put, maybe he can be a ghost.
No, I just want to scare the shit out of him.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, then do you want me to wake him up with some flashbangs?
No.
No, I mean, we could just wait here or go through the door, I suppose.
Well, this one's dead.
What are we doing?
Are you just picking one up?
This is my idea.
Do you think we can intimidate him?
The dead one?
No, the ones as soon as they wake up.
No, the dead one, I'm just going to hold up and say, this is what I did to one of you.
Just think what I could do to four of you.
I don't know.
You smell really bad right now.
Yes.
Yeah.
I, you know, to be honest, I'm getting used to it.
I don't want to say nothing because the goblin said something.
I didn't want to make you feel bad, but I don't know, hon.
You did.
This is a lot of that's pretty.
That's pretty.
It's pretty bad.
I'm starting to think starting to get used to it.
I think you will, too.
This is who I am now.
It's not.
It doesn't have to be.
Well, it is.
Who you are right now really stinks.
Wow.
I don't know.
Do you want to intimidate them?
What are we trying to get out of them?
Gold?
I don't know.
Any information about this stupid dungeon?
All right.
Yeah.
Is that what we're looking for?
Is gold?
Treasures?
Whatever you want to look for.
All right.
I'm just going to hold up this goblin until they wake up.
I'm going to give a flashback.
And scare them awake.
Do you have one?
It's called persinitation.
It says I can do sparks.
Why did we put it?
Why did we put him to sleep if we were just going to wake him up?
So you can kill one and use them as a hostage.
All right.
Make sure you think.
Jerk him around a little bit.
Make sure they think he's alive.
Jerk.
Do what to him?
Jerk him around a little bit.
I'm not jerking nothing.
You know what I said.
Okay.
So do they wake up?
Yeah.
They started to wake up.
Okay.
While we were arguing.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
If you guys went on for like two more seconds, I would have cut you off.
Yeah.
They start waking up.
And their hands are still on their swords.
All right.
And I, I grab, I have one in, I have one in one hand.
And can I grab another one like by the neck?
No.
No?
No.
Okay.
So, uh, I just mean bug him.
And I say, you want this to happen to you?
Tell me what you know.
They all kind of like look around at each other.
And then they just attack you.
All right.
I thought that would work.
Um.
All right.
Roll initiative.
Oh, I suppose I got to roll them all.
Uh, I know at least for me you will.
Who can you roll yours?
Only because you ask so nicely.
Oh, see.
Who can do it?
I don't know why you can't, Tiger.
That's weird.
He's stubborn.
He can't.
He just won't.
Uh, okay.
It is Sum Sum's first turn.
Or turn first.
So let me describe to you what I would like to do.
And maybe we could figure out how to do it.
I would like to just throw this goblin at the other goblins.
And run back towards the door that we came in.
Okay.
You can, you can do one of those two things.
Okay.
So either throw it or drop it.
Or run.
Or you can run with it.
Run with it.
Okay.
Um, but, but when you, when you do that, your speed is going to be slowed down because you're
carrying, you're carrying something that's, you know, two thirds your, your weight.
Um, but I can throw it and, you can throw it and stay there.
Okay.
But, but would they, would that, would that affect like just one goblin or maybe two or something?
Or.
I say it would affect two.
Okay.
But then.
All right.
So I'm going to throw.
And then on my next turn, I'll start running back.
Okay.
Give me an athletics throw or an athletics roll.
Nice.
Good at athletics.
You are good at athletics.
Uh, 10 plus four is 14.
14.
Okay.
So you manage to throw it at them and it, it hits their legs, but it doesn't knock them
over.
Okay.
I just want them to be disadvantaged.
Yeah.
They're just kind of like, what the fuck just happened?
They got hit with the dead goblins.
What happened?
Well, yes, but.
And they're a goblin, which makes it even creepier.
Yes.
So.
The first one.
The first goblin up.
Is going to do a.
Do you know which one is dead?
Cause you have.
Oh, nevermind.
There's four in there.
I thought there were five.
Yeah.
There's only four in there.
Cause the one's dead.
All right.
So.
So it's going to.
Run at you.
And take a swing.
Okay.
And it misses.
Nice.
The next goblin.
Is one of the ones that you threw it at.
You threw the dead goblin at.
Okay.
So it's going to have disadvantage.
Nice.
I'll allow it.
Okay.
And it got a critical failure.
Nice.
So as, as, as it runs towards you, it actually trips over the dead body and falls on the ground.
The third goblin will fire another, or an arrow.
So I only hit one goblin then.
No, you hit both of them.
Okay.
But this is not one of the ones I hit.
No, this is not one of the ones you hit.
All right.
And it rolls an 18.
Oh boy.
So that hits, right?
Uh, yeah.
Okay.
Oh no.
I'm, I'm sorry.
It ran up with the, um, it ran up with the scimitar.
It didn't have its bow drawn.
Okay.
So I'm going to roll again for disadvantage.
At 17.
Oh boy.
So it takes a swing at you with its, with its scimitar, which is a 17.
Okay.
So now it, plus four to hit.
Okay.
So that hits.
So 1d6.
So it hits you for three points of damage.
Okay.
It is now Kier's turn.
Um, all right.
Can you remind me of the situation?
Who's down now?
The, you said it about goblin, one goblin tripped, right?
One goblin tripped and he is down.
Um, the other one missed with its shot.
Or no, one tripped.
Right.
Yeah.
One trip.
One tripped, one missed and one hit.
Right.
Can I mage, can I mage hand punch them?
Is that possible?
Or is it just, is the mage hand more for lifting things?
I, I don't think you can attack with mage hand.
But I think you can, you can move them, right?
You can pick them up and move them.
Can I throw them?
Let me.
Not maybe.
Well, just as a compromise, maybe not for damage.
I don't know.
Just let me look it up.
No, take your time.
Well, don't take that long though.
I wish this, I wish this book had the same thing that we had in our books.
Okay.
So, so the hand can't attack, activate magic items or carry more than 10 pounds.
So the mage hand cannot do anything to these gobbles.
I can't throw it though.
I can't throw it.
No, because it weighs more than 10 pounds.
What?
Do we know that?
It's five feet tall.
It's going to weigh more than 10 pounds.
Hmm.
Yeah, but it's mostly bones.
Like I imagine five feet of chicken.
Still weighs more than 10 pounds.
I'm just going to hit him with another ray of frost.
I'll hit the one that fell over though.
You want to hit the one that fell over.
Okay.
Make a, roll a d20.
Rolling.
17.
Okay.
That hits.
And roll a 1d8.
1d8.
A 4.
Okay.
So you do damage to that.
And it can't move as quickly now.
So this next goblin who's up is going to swing with his scimitar towards
Ahri Strom.
Sum Sum.
If you will.
That's me.
Yes, that is you.
And it rolls.
Hold on.
So it's a 14.
That.
So a tie goes to the attacker, right?
We already figured that out.
Yeah.
All right.
So it does hit.
So on that.
1d6 plus 2.
So it hits for 6 points of damage.
Oh, son of a bitch.
Which puts you down again.
Yeah.
Now it is Tiger's turn.
Well, I can't do nothing.
Yeah.
I guess I roll.
Make sure I get above 10.
Yeah.
8.
Okay.
That's a fail.
So it is this goblin's turn.
Who.
Is the one that fell.
No.
That's the one that fell over.
This goblin has to run up to.
To cure.
So since it moved so far.
That is its turn.
This goblin that fell over.
Will also run up.
And use its turn.
And.
This goblin.
Runs up.
Next to.
Cure.
And uses its turn.
So now it is.
Cure's turn.
So they.
They most.
They all just moved.
Yeah.
And now we're.
Completely surrounded.
Thanks.
Okay.
I'm going to put on.
Okay.
What's the difference.
Between shield and mage armor.
Is mage armor.
Simply just against magic attacks.
And shield against physical.
That sounds about right.
Okay.
I'm going to put up a shield.
It's a very tiny shield.
But it should be apple.
Okay.
It should be apple.
Apple.
Am I going to be in the shield?
What?
Am I going to be in the shield?
I'll.
Uh.
That's not how it works.
Oh.
Well.
I guess I'll see you on the other side.
I can't believe I'm dead again.
I'm going to be in the shield.
Oh, fuck my tits and call me Frank.
All right.
So here you casted shield.
Yes.
Yeah.
A hearty shield.
And I guess I'm not in it because that's not how it works.
No.
It's only on the caster.
So an invisible barrier of magical force appears and protects you until the start of your next
turn.
Right.
You have a plus five bonus to AC included against the trigger and attack.
What's AC?
Arbor class.
Oh, okay.
That makes sense.
And you take no damage from magic missiles.
Good thing these guys ain't packing missiles, right?
I'm dead.
I'd laugh if I weren't dead.
You're unconscious.
Well, I probably still wouldn't laugh.
No, because there's no strain in this game.
Right.
Also, it wasn't funny.
Yeah.
Got him.
All right.
And I hope you know here that those are your two spell slots.
What does that mean?
You only have two spell slots because you're a first level.
So you can use up your one because you used one earlier on sleep.
That's fair.
I didn't remember.
Yeah.
And now you're using shield.
I also, you know, I used it sleep and magic missile.
Oh, yeah, you did.
And, and, uh, sleep.
I thought I had access to all of them, but I can only use them once.
I didn't know I only had two to pick from.
No, yeah.
You can only pick two.
So what's the difference between a spell slot and prepared spells?
You prepare four spells first.
It says here you can, you prepare four first level spells to make them available to cast.
So, yeah, Tiger said, what is the difference between 12 spells slots?
So, so with the prepared spells, you prepare four.
So you can prepare to tech magic, mage armor, magic missiles, and sleep.
Okay.
But you can only pick two of them to use.
So we didn't cover that.
No.
Which ones you, which four you prepared to go into, uh, the fight with?
Oh, okay.
So I can only go into the game with four of them, but I can only use two of them?
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's like you read up on shield and magic missile and burning hands.
No, no, I got it.
I just thought I, for some reason I thought I only had these.
I can only use these ones, like once per game.
So, all right.
Well, then I came, did I might, did I use shield or?
No, I'll let you, uh,
do something else because it wasn't sag clear.
Uh, hook.
Um, I don't know what I can do here.
I'm surrounded.
Uh, I use mage hand and get, no, I can't lift her, can I?
I can't lift somebody else.
No.
Not with mage hand.
You can tickle me.
You can tickle him.
Uh, I'm going to ray of frost, uh, the first one in front of me, I guess.
Okay.
Ray of frost.
So, D20.
Now, I will tell you the one to the right is, uh, a little bit more hurt.
Yeah, I'll do that.
Whatever, whatever one's the more damaged.
The weakest.
Okay.
Then roll, uh, roll a D20.
Okay.
I got a 19.
Okay.
That hits.
Roll.
D8.
So, yeah, it's a D8.
Uh, I got a six.
Okay.
That one is dead.
Oh, I froze him.
He froze solid.
Oh, he is, I see, he is a gobsicle.
Oh, good.
We only have three left.
Also, I'm still dead.
Okay.
The fourth one, the one that's up top, starts to rummage around the dead one's pockets.
Oh, not my pockets.
What if I'm wearing yoga pants?
Not your pockets.
The dead, the dead goblin's pockets.
Oh.
Oh, boy.
And that's how it spends its turn.
Does that bring it to me again?
Yes.
All right.
Six.
God.
You know, I was going to try to work with you on this, but.
Uh, no, that's two fails.
Sorry, I only have to fail one more time.
Yeah, then you're dead.
For only temporary, though, right?
No, you're dead.
But I can come back.
Stronger.
As a different character.
And bigger tits.
As.
And maybe Meathead, maybe.
All right.
This goblin.
Will.
Take his scimitar and slice at.
Here.
Wonderful.
And it got a ten.
Do you have any damage yet?
No.
So it misses.
It's not physical.
And what?
It misses you.
Oh, wow.
So this goblin is going to do the same thing.
It's going to attack at you.
No.
It got a 17.
No.
It does, though.
No.
It really, really does.
No.
Oh, boy.
So it does eight points of damage.
Unacceptable.
Well.
You only have eight.
Oh, I'm dead.
Oh, boy.
You're down, too.
That means we're dead.
Well, it was a good game, guys.
I don't know what to do now.
Maybe we just start over.
Maybe we could start over next week.
I mean.
I think that sounds fine.
At least I'll know a little bit more about my magic.
I guess I should have known that.
Because I think D&D was the same way where I could only pick like a couple.
Like a.
Like.
I think it's like.
Well.
This is.
This is D&D.
So it's going to be the exact same rules.
Well, not the exact same.
I think it is, though.
Well.
Because all.
All these are in D&D.
Because these are all D&D words.
Well.
I'm a wizard.
And you're a girl.
So.
Yeah.
And I'm dead.
All right.
So, Kira, you fall, too.
Well.
No.
Because you guys still can succeed on your.
Your saving throws.
Oh.
If you want to go through that.
I mean.
Are they going to attack us while we're dead?
No.
Okay.
So.
I'll roll.
Okay.
Five.
What?
Five.
Now I am dead.
Five.
Yeah.
You should legitimately be dead.
Yeah.
Oh.
Let's just.
Write some sum off there.
I refuse.
Cure.
Go ahead.
Roll.
A D20.
Yeah.
Okay.
I got a six.
Oh, boy.
Roll it again.
14.
Okay.
Roll it again.
And a 13.
Okay.
Roll it again.
And a seven.
Okay.
Roll it again.
20.
Okay.
Oh.
20, huh?
Yeah.
All right.
You rolled a 20.
First roll, too.
You rolled a 20.
This is what happens.
Mr. Poopy Butthole comes down from the ceiling and says, you hit the magic number.
Both of you are restored.
Woo-wee!
Back to full health.
That's me.
You are part of both, yes.
Yeah.
Some sums back, bitch.
Does he kill the rest of the bad goblins for us?
No.
Mr. Poopy Butthole does not fight.
Is he just a summons?
He just...
He was an angel.
Sentai.
Oh.
Whose idea was it to attack these things anyway?
Someone had a genius idea of throwing a dead body at him.
It was just to buy us time.
I just wanted to throw it and then run away.
You had time and you wasted it by throwing the dead body.
Yeah.
I thought it would give us space.
We'll start at the top of the order with some sum.
All right.
You just deleted one.
That one was dead?
That one was...
He was searched...
Oh, yeah.
Right.
He was only searched in the pockets.
And wasn't one of them...
One of them is I, right?
So that one's already partly damaged.
Yeah.
I think it was for three damage.
So both this one is I.
Okay.
The top one is I.
Okay.
I have to throw another one in here.
Because I took him out.
Okay.
That works.
Whatever.
I thought I said he ran away.
But no, you're right.
He was only checking the dead body.
So, sum sum.
Okay.
I'm going to use an arrow on the one on I.
The one that's missing an I.
Or whichever one ran away in the first room.
Or second room.
Whatever.
Okay.
So, I.
Okay.
Yeah.
Roll a D20.
All right.
Five.
Plus seven.
Twelve.
All right.
That hits.
All right.
And a D8.
Oh, wait.
No.
Hold on.
Oh, no.
It does not hit.
I was looking at someone else's.
It does not hit.
So, as you lose this arrow at I.
Somehow.
She doesn't have depth perception.
So.
It must have been a really bad shot.
That she's able to dodge out of the way.
Oh, boy.
So.
I is up next.
She will attack sum sum.
For.
Attacking her.
Fifteen.
Yeah.
That's enough.
All right.
So, that is.
Six.
It is three points of damage.
All right.
It is the one that's standing next to Cure.
We'll attack with the Scimitar as well.
Because it's an 11.
It's an 11.
So, it does not hit.
Right here.
Because your armor class is 12.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, it swings wildly and misses.
Now, it is up to Cure.
You have a staff.
What?
You have a staff.
I use my.
You can swing your staff as a weapon.
I use my staff and swing it as a weapon.
Against?
I whop him on the head.
Who?
Any of them.
Who's the nearest?
The last one.
The last one?
Okay.
The one that just attacked you.
Yeah.
I whop him on the head.
Roll a d20.
Bam!
Mr. Goblin.
Rolling a d20.
And I got a nine.
Plus two.
Plus three, right?
Or plus two?
Attack.
My sheet says plus two.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, you miss.
What?
How did I miss?
It was point blank range.
Well, you're a mage.
And you're good at far distance.
Not up close.
Bludgeoning.
Far distance.
Did you say far distance?
Yeah.
So, it's now the goblin that was going through.
Through the pockets of the dead one.
Yeah.
Did he find anything?
You don't know.
Oh.
Walks back and notches an arrow and points it at some some.
Oh, that's not good.
So, now it is some some's turn.
How?
Is there any way we can run away?
I feel like we have nothing to gain from killing these goblins.
No.
You have to kill them.
This is how it works.
I mean, what direction are you going to run in?
I don't know.
I.
We could run through.
I mean, just looking at these squares, it looks like it would be easier to run out of the new door, not the old door.
Is that right?
Well, there are two doors.
I don't.
I didn't put in the door that you guys came in from.
I apologize.
Oh, so these are.
Oh, these are two.
Those are two new doors.
So.
Oh, that.
Oh.
The door that you guys came in from is over here.
So we could have snuck through this door the entire time.
The one on the bottom.
We could have.
I apologize.
I thought that's the door we came in on.
I mean, if it makes you feel any better, you're going to have to go through this room no matter what.
Lord.
Well, all right.
So.
So can it.
Where's the run button?
Yeah.
Can I.
Can I run.
So what would I need to do to run through.
The closest door.
Or the easiest door, I guess.
I'm assuming the easiest door would be this one on the right.
But that's only based on these tokens.
And I don't know if that's.
Yeah.
Based on the tokens.
If you try to run the one that has an arrow notched.
Will fire on you.
Okay.
But can I go to the other one.
Further away.
You can.
But it will be a disadvantage because of the.
The body that's right there.
Plus cure is standing in the way.
So you're saying it's either.
Risk being hit.
Or.
Or have a disadvantage.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, I'll take the disadvantage.
And what is it?
Would it be athletics?
Yeah.
All right.
Rolling, rolling, rolling.
Critical failure.
Okay.
So as you're running.
At that door.
You trip over the dead body of the goblin.
And you are on the ground.
Oh, no.
Did I skin my knees?
Only time will tell.
Oh, boy.
And also, I'm wearing yoga pants.
You're wearing cowboy pants?
Yoga pants.
Oh, yoga pants.
Okay.
Yeah.
Cowboy yoga pants.
Yeah.
You know what?
You fall down.
You look at your knees and notice that you ripped your yoga pants.
No.
Your knees are unskinned.
But you ripped the pants.
Your knees are unskinned.
Thank the maker for yoga pants.
So this goblin reaches back and attacks some sum on the floor.
Oh, no.
And it will hit.
Okay.
For three points of damage.
Now, there's this one.
This goblin that will swing its sword at.
Here.
13 hits.
I assume, right?
13.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it hits for three points of damage.
Now it is Kier's turn.
Oh, geez.
The weeds.
All right.
Who's the weakest of the three that are left?
The one right in front of you is the weakest.
Right here?
Yeah, this one.
All right.
I'm going to blast him with an ice beam.
Ray of frost?
Yeah.
Right in the face.
Ice beam.
Okay.
Get ahead.
Roll your d20.
I got a 17.
Okay.
That hits.
All right.
D8.
One d8.
Six.
That is enough to kill this one.
I killed a goblin, but I did not kill the deputy.
So this next one launches the notched arrow that it has.
Mm-hmm.
At Cure.
Can I?
No, I don't have any dodge or anything.
And it misses.
Well, I was lucky.
It was very late.
It was an 11.
It was like right underneath that.
No, I have 14.
It didn't fire at you.
Oh.
So I said it fired at Cure.
Oh.
Then I don't really care.
All right.
So now it's Sum Sum's turn.
All right.
Sum Sum is going to shoot at the shooting goblin.
Okay.
Roll your d20.
You have to stand up first.
But I don't need to.
Is that a roll or is that just a maneuver?
No.
You stand up and I'm going to give you a disadvantage for having to kind of fire.
All right.
Relatively from the hip.
All right.
So this is a disadvantage.
Yes.
I got another critical failure.
All right.
The shot goes super wide and hits the one that you killed.
It hits Jerry.
The one that's on the floor.
But you hit him right in his gold pouch.
Uh-huh.
That he had that the other.
Goblin didn't see.
Uh-huh.
And all the coins explode.
What?
Like with fire?
Yeah.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Jerry likes to keep firecrackers in his pocket.
That didn't exist.
So it blew up all of those.
Some bullshit.
All right.
This next goblin takes a swing at here.
No.
And leave me alone.
He misses.
Okay.
So now it is Kira's turn.
I hit him.
I swing back with my stack.
All right.
My stack.
Go ahead and roll a d20.
d20.
Uh-huh.
d20.
17.
All right.
That hits.
Uh, roll a d6.
d6 or d8?
d6.
Because it's...
You're attacking with the staff itself, not a magical attack.
Hmm.
d20.
All right.
So that goblin is still alive.
But...
He's got a wallop of a bird's egg on his head.
And it's going to hurt tomorrow, right?
That's going to hurt tomorrow.
All right.
This last goblin...
Oh, boy.
...aims with the short bow at Sum Sum.
That's me.
And gets a 14.
Oh, no.
That hits.
It does.
And...
It's 1d6.
Yeah.
Hits for five points of damage.
Sum Sum is back down to one.
Great.
Now it is Sum Sum's turn.
All right.
Uh, she's going to shoot at...
...the shooting goblin.
All right.
Uh...
Three plus seven is ten.
I don't think that's enough.
It is not enough.
All right.
It's not enough.
The goblin, though, gets so scared that...
...it starts to run away.
No, we can't let him get away.
Where's it go?
No, now...
Now we...
Now we need to kill him.
No, it starts to run away.
It doesn't.
It starts to, like, do a panic little shuffle kind of thing.
Like, oh, that was way too close for comfort.
Uh-huh.
Was it their turn, though?
No, it was not.
You failed so badly that it was a free action.
Oh, no.
So the one next to Kier...
...rolls...
...or, uh...
...holds his weapon back to go in for another strike.
And rolls a 17.
That's probably enough.
That...
I assume that's enough, yes.
Oof.
For six points.
Kier is down.
No!
So now it is Kier's point.
For a turn.
For a saving throw?
Yep.
Time to do a saving throw.
Or not...
Is it saving throw?
I don't know what it's called.
It's not a saving throw.
It's a death roll.
Death roll.
D20?
D20, yes.
Eight.
All right.
That is one failure.
It's Sumsum's turn.
All right.
I'm going to shoot at the Shooting Goblin.
Okay.
Are you kidding me?
Four plus seven is 11.
That will not hit it.
Even though he was really scared?
I think he might have pooped himself.
I smell poop.
That's just your smell right now.
Oh!
Insult to injury.
Oh, that's what you get for falling in the...
Or just poop.
Just trying to do something cool.
I don't even know why I have these arrows.
Why you have what?
I don't even know why I have these arrows.
Zeros?
Harrows.
Arrows.
Oh.
Arrows.
Yeah, you only have 20 of them, so...
I'm keeping track.
I have 15 left.
Yeah, but it's the only thing I have...
Oh, have you ever been keeping track?
Yeah.
All right.
So...
This goblin, noticing that...
Here is down, starts going through his pockets.
And we'll roll a...
Let me see.
Rowland, it's going to be a hard investigation check.
It does not do it, so it doesn't find anything, but it is distracted for another turn.
Okay.
So, here it is your turn.
Am I doing another saving throw?
Yes.
19.
Okay.
You got one success, one failure.
Sum sum.
All right.
I guess I'll shoot at the shooting goblin.
Okay.
Go ahead.
14 plus 7.
So, that should...
21.
That hits.
Nice.
Finally.
So, roll your...
D8.
4 plus 3 piercing, so 7.
All right.
That one is dead.
Finally.
There is one left.
He's distracted.
So, I get another attack.
No.
He's eating Jerry's butthole.
I mean...
He's not eating Jerry's butthole.
Have you checked his butthole?
Skidapadap butthole.
Wow.
But...
But what he does is he runs in front of you and...
Great.
And...
Is...
Looking like he's ready for a fight.
Okay.
So, now some...
Oh, no.
It's a...
Here's turn.
Go ahead and go another D20.
D20.
Three.
That's not good.
No.
That's three failures, right?
Uh...
Two...
Two failures and one...
Okay.
All right.
I think that's...
Yeah.
Sum-sum.
Your turn.
All right.
I'm gonna swing...
Since he's close, I'm gonna swing longsword.
I have to...
Would I...
Would...
Can I suggest something, though?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Do it two-handed.
Isn't there...
There's no...
There's no drawback for two-handed?
No.
It's...
If it strikes, you roll a D10 instead of a D8.
Okay.
And it's okay.
So I suggest that.
All right.
I'll do that, I suppose.
And she's really pissed.
Yeah.
11.
Her favorite leggings have been torn.
They're...
They're yoga pants.
11 plus four is 15.
That hits.
Roll damage.
Roll one D10.
It's a D10.
Five plus two slashing.
Seven.
That one crumples to the floor.
All right.
And dies.
From death?
Mostly from death, yeah, but...
Just somewhat of embarrassment.
Okay.
He's dead.
All right.
I go through his pockets.
You can't do that.
The goblins don't have pockets.
All right.
Roll the investigation check.
Roll pockets check.
Um...
So 20.
Roll...
Yeah, roll a D20.
18.
All right.
And my investigation is plus zero.
So 18 plus zero is still 18.
All right.
You find one health potion.
Yeah.
All right.
Give that...
I'm going to take that.
And now that the encounter is over,
here is raised back up to one health.
Okay.
We're both at one health.
So he's back...
You're both at one health, yeah.
He's back on his feet?
He's back on his feet.
Any chance we could split the health potion?
No.
So we have to decide?
Yes.
Can I challenge Kier to a...
Uh...
You probably shouldn't.
Shouldn't challenge him?
I should just take it?
I was going to say to a rock, paper, scissors.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's fine.
To a what?
Rock, paper, scissors.
Oh.
For the health potion.
All right.
What now?
I don't know.
What, like in real life?
Yeah.
Uh, uh, uh.
Ah, you cheated.
Yeah, but I lost.
Oh.
You're not a good cheater.
All right.
So I don't...
I don't know what the...
The health potion is in 5e.
Uh...
How much are yours?
I don't have anything here.
All I have are these character sheets.
Sturges.
All right.
So...
So Kier got it, right?
Yeah.
Does Kier take...
Take the health potion?
I mean, he won...
He won the, uh...
Yeah.
But does he...
Does he actually take it?
Does he?
Oh, yeah.
I took it.
You took it?
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
At like...
At first, I was going to...
But I was like...
All right.
Roll...
Roll 2d4s.
2d4s.
5 front doors.
5s not possible on a d4.
I...
I wasn't saying 5.
Oh.
4 and...
3.
So you heal for 9.
It brings you back up to 8.
How much do I heal?
How much do you heal?
Yeah.
Negative 5 points for giving up your health potion.
You're dead.
Oh, no.
No, I'm just messing with you.
But...
All right.
Let's call it quits there.
We'll be right back.
Bye.
you
Thank you.