I'm not. Roll the d10, Tiger.
Oh.
He did tell you that a couple times.
Yeah, you.
No, you told me once.
Yeah, he pointed at you in the audience.
Thank you for doing that.
Idiot.
Got him.
Get him again.
I'm not sure why.
All right.
So you go up eight hit points.
So you are now at 25.
All right.
So plus I'm going up eight.
Yeah.
It's whatever you roll.
Plus two.
All right.
Plus eight equals 25.
And you changed it in my statute already on.
Yeah.
Yes, I did.
Cool.
Where do we end last game?
I don't really remember.
I'll show you in a second.
So but I remember we played that game.
And then the game.
See here.
I got a ton of stuff.
Oh, right.
I didn't get anything.
I think you guys mostly just played that game.
Was that a game?
Yeah, that's all you did was play the game.
No, it's not anything.
I didn't get a chance to sell anything.
No, you don't.
But what?
What?
You just want to say I'm dumb.
I didn't even get to.
No.
All right.
Boo.
Roll one D six.
Oh, I got a bow.
You didn't.
Well, someone got a bow.
Whether or not they gave it to you.
I don't remember.
Slash is on the wrong side.
Boo.
Sorry.
Slash hour.
Yeah, it's not a Reddit.
Yeah, mama.
All right.
So.
Google's up six.
Six hit points.
Yeah.
So now you are at 20.
And I also gave you guys full health.
For leveling up.
Okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
Oh, plus eight.
Do I get it?
Oh, I guess I don't get anything else.
I'm going to three.
Improved critical.
Call your weapon attack.
Score a critical hit on a roll of 19 or 20.
Yes.
That's you.
Get that.
Boo.
You cannot prepare and cast second level spells.
I don't know what that means, but.
Well, I would.
Sounds like there's level one and level two spells.
Yeah.
I think there's up to level three.
Well, there's.
Yeah, there's three levels of the spell.
Okay.
So it just basically means my spells will be more powerful, right?
Well, you get four first level spells.
Well, you get four first level spells and two second spells.
I don't have a list on my sheet of exactly.
Like, all I have is the spells that are kind of like at the bottom of the spell book on my page.
Yeah.
Is that like that's just those are the first level spells.
I don't see anything about my second level spells on this.
That's what I was just about to look up.
What was this?
I see.
Ivaco.
Okay.
I don't understand this.
Sorry.
Give me a second.
Okay.
Thank you.
What is it, Andy, what is it called? Is it improved critical or like accent church? Is that like a skill or a...
Yours when it says improved critical?
Yeah.
No, I think it's just, I think that's like a passive skill.
Well, what, because I'm trying to find it in Foundry and I don't really know what to call it. It's obviously not a spell.
I don't think it's an item.
Skill?
No, there's no skill on here.
Because I thought I put action surge in there, but maybe I didn't.
Oh, feature abilities.
Abilities would be another one too.
So did you figure out your spell thing, Boo?
No, not really.
No, I didn't either.
Are we waiting on that?
I was going to see if he had something in the book that would more talk about what the second level spells are.
I'm only set up to do for like this page that I got only has like the first level spells on it, I think.
Yeah, there's a whole list here of spell books.
Is there like a, maybe a web page or is it in D&D Beyond or something?
It should be in D&D Beyond.
Let me.
Magical.
Oh, yeah.
yeah for some reasons ability's not
is not on here it's weird maybe I just don't have I don't have access to them
all right well I better write it down
all right
Thank you.
I don't really know.
I don't know the site.
I'm trying to look around.
I don't know if my spells are the same as, say, as in D&D.
But even then, I don't know what first level spell.
Okay, I'll send you a text.
Or in Discord.
I don't know who's on his computer.
It might be easier on Discord.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I'll take a picture of it.
And I'll post it in the Discord.
Thank you.
Features.
Class table.
Oh, I see.
Okay, cool.
So, I think the ones with...
Yeah, you can pick two of those.
And use them once?
You can use...
How is that?
You can only use two.
So, you can only prepare...
What is it?
Six spells.
The second level?
No.
Total.
Total?
Yeah.
So, and then you can only use two of them at a second level.
Okay.
So, the other four have to be first level.
Do I have to prepare them now?
Yeah, you have to tell me which ones that you're going to use.
If you want to know more about them, I can find them to tell you.
Yeah.
Can you tell me about the Lesser Restoration and the Prayer of Healing?
One of those two?
I mean, it looks like all these are like...
Besides the Spiritual Weapon...
Clear.
They're all...
Lesser Restoration or the Prayer of Healing.
I just want to get a healing spell.
I don't think I have one.
Where do you see...
Second level spells?
Yeah.
Lesser Restoration.
In that picture I sent you?
Yeah.
Oh, those are Cleric spells.
Oh.
All right, because there's Cleric and there's Wizard spells.
Okay.
Oh, I wonder which one you are.
Yeah, I sent you the wrong list.
I apologize.
No, it's okay.
I want to get some out of the kitchen.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Take your time.
We apparently have lots of it.
Sorry about that.
No, no.
I was trying to...
It said there's some healing spells on there, so I was going to try to go for that.
Yeah, that makes sense, but yeah, you're not a Cleric.
You're a Wizard.
You're a Wizard, Harry.
You're a Harry Wizard.
Or maybe...
Because I don't know.
It does say Jerry spells on there, so...
What is...
Can you tell me what Flaming Sphere is and suggestions?
All right.
I don't know.
Suggestion of Flaming...
Flaming Sphere.
A five-foot diameter sphere of fire appears in an unoccupied space of your choice within range
and lasts for the duration, which is...
It doesn't say.
How much damage does it say?
Any creature that ends its turn within five feet of the sphere must make a dexterity save and throw.
The creature takes two D6 fire damage on a failed save or half as much on a successful one.
Okay.
All right.
And what was the other one?
Suggestion.
Here's a suggestion.
Get a haircut.
I did.
You suggest a course of activity limited to a sentence or two and magically influence a creature you choose within range that can hear and understand you.
Creatures that can't be charmed are immune to this effect.
The suggestion must be worded in such a manner as to make the course of action sound reasonable.
Asking the creature to stab itself, throw itself onto a sphere, and emulate itself for a due.
Some other obviously harmful act automatically negates the spell.
Okay.
I'm going to do...
I'm going to put on prepare invisibility.
I'm going to do...
I don't know what I think.
I think I want to do flaming sphere.
Is spider climb what it's supposed to, what it says?
Does that mean I can climb a wall?
Do...
Until the spell ends, one willing creature you touch gains the ability to move up, down, and across vertical surfaces, and upside down along ceilings while leaving its hands free.
Oh, I'm going to try that.
The target also gains a climbing speed equal to its walking speed.
All right.
I'm putting on invisibility and spider climb.
That's for my level two.
And for my level ones.
Um...
I'm going to...
All right.
I'm going to go grab a...
Boy.
what is burning what's burning hands again do we i know we looked at i think we looked at
it we looked up probably
as you hold your hands with thumbs touching and fingers spread a thin sheet of flame shoots forth
from your outstretched fingertips each creature in a 15 foot cone must make a dexterity saving throw
all right so then i'm going to do that and okay so you're doing in okay so i'm doing invisibility
spider climb that's for my level those are for my level twos visibility and spider climb
all right
and all right first level um i was gonna do um shield magic missile uh burning hands
and let's just say
uh let's do sleep sleep okay yeah that seems handy all right so those are the six that you have
prepared yep remember if you use two invisibilities you're done on second level okay you're done now
yeah and then four on the first level
good okay uh
tiger do you have anything else for leveling up no i mine was really short just uh improved critical
yeah yeah i don't yeah i'm not sure last week i'm sure we don't have to worry about that no um
i don't i it says the number of experience points but
that doesn't really matter in the way we're playing right no okay
um
all right
you left off um so you walked into this room after talking to that cultist remember
um
i did you are you trying to show us the other room no i'm just asking no i don't really remember
leaving that place well the hallway right you were in the hallway talking to that one cultist
yeah and then didn't we like have to like fight them or something
you didn't do that yet i thought we
oh that's right i remember this room you didn't actually start doing it
you just walked in and we called it
it called it there i thought we talked to him though but i don't remember what we talked about
you were talking to one cultist
outside he's the one that puked and the puke went underneath the door disappeared
okay
and then you entered the door
but we stopped there i believe
all right cool
all right let's go investigate some cultists i'm gonna do so five cultists bending over the railing
of a balcony that rings the room seriously vomiting they vomit with true conviction
and it's pulling in the middle of the floor as the foul pool begins to move you are stricken with the thought that maybe the cultist in the corridor was right
maybe all existence everything that is was and will be has just been a tremendous waste
wow so they're they're like they're like worshiping like the same type of blob that went under the door he threw up
or we don't know there yeah the blob is in the middle of the room the blob worshipers no that's the worst
yes it's not great no not great not great at all i mean how do you worship a blob i mean
i mean they're not really worshiping the blob they're creating the blob oh oh so it's getting bigger
they're vomiting and then it's pulling oh that's right oh it's a vama blob
sure oh my god it's disgusting yeah it's disgusting what are we what are we even doing in this place
i mean let's go and check this out all right cool i mean okay so what are you guys gonna do
uh i'm just gonna stand around the back and like get closer and see if i see anything okay uh i'm gonna i'm
gonna kind of move around the corner and kind of get a better view of the blob um to do that you have
to lean over the railing okay so i lean over the railing all right as soon as you lean over the railing
the cultists notice you they all turn and stare at you oh hey this is not where i parked my car
and roll for roll for roll for initiative oh piss on my tits
and i'm i'm in the middle of this too yeah they they as soon as they started looking at jerry they noticed
you all right um
right in the middle right in the middle okay so the first cultist which is closest to
tiger right unless if you guys want to move to where you were
i'm i'm not that far where i would would have been
we're looking as you said there's a railing are we looking down yeah so the the fire pit
like a middle is like yeah it's a pit and also the people around it are are lower than us
no they're just it's like they're standing on a balcony leaning over ah okay i kind of used the
same image i did before where they were there was like a circle right around you know it's a circular
room mm-hmm so it's just kind of like a pathway that they're standing on with the the green line on
the inside being the the raven over to the pit overlooking it yes all right well
so so we got to fight these guys over a blob yeah or what why are they mad at us what do we do we
just walked in what i didn't do it i didn't do anything i was going to worship the blob i was here for
blob worship i mean we every sunday it's blob worship you know blob mass we have to take blob communion
so this first one
takes a swing with it's scimitar oh fudge a scimitar oh come on come on guy at summer oh okay
not so bad though sounds bad to me
well duck
so 10 10 damage
does that hit no oh oh no no no no i have 14. okay okay
this cultist i can't see your dice i don't know if you've done that yeah okay i'm doing it up
uh this cultist moves over closer
and that's it
okay
are these three
are these three so you're are you rolling for a fourth one
i am rolling for the third one okay
and they're gonna move
and now it's tiger's turn
but you uh
yeah i'll i'll roll against the uh
the one right here then
okay
okay the one that's closest uh using my
uh sword
um
one-handed two-handed
is there a disadvantage for doing a two-handed
i don't think so
no
all right
um then two-handed i guess
okay
so d20
okay
all right that's not gonna be enough
oh and it's because it's
plus
four
so
four is
where does that that comes from the sword right yeah so plus
four yeah
yeah so 11
all right you do miss okay
so it is now this cultist turn
and it is incapacitated so it will not move
this one who is what was his name
bjorky bach
who we were talking to outside
that bastard
well
shouldn't mess with this cult man
i didn't mess with this cult i was interested i was looking for a pamphlet
he was trying to vomit
i'm gonna
do anything either so boot is your turn
fudge
i am uh
i'm gonna put on a uh oh shoot
what should i do
i'm gonna do ray ray of frost i'm the nearest one
i don't know
let's call that bjorkavak
yeah
what about this one what about this one right here
is that too far or is this one should i go this one
it's about the same
i'll do that i'll do that one over the railing
he's gonna get frost he's gonna get frosted
okay
let me find that one again sorry
no take your time we're gonna we're gonna gonna die
okay so what is it
okay do your range spell attack
the hell is your range spell attack
oh i mean he has some range spells
yeah where is that i thought that was on here like just
guess not
this just has the attack bonus of like if you're using the staff as a
like a bludgeoning weapon
well that's not good for nobody
the marriage
son of a
bitch
i mean wasn't it uh
wasn't it like eight
well i've done it i've done this one before
that's some tools
i think it's one d8
does that sound right
no because you would have to roll a 20 and then you would add something to it
you would if you hit
you would if you hit make a range spell attack
because like for tiger's
lawn bow it has an attack bonus of seven
yeah mine uh my staff all it does is uh
uh
if you choose to use those
yeah
but i think there's now
when i do that does that mean i have to hit them with that to initiate that or is that like a thing
no you have to say you have to tell me you're going to use it
oh okay
okay
um so i think i'm just going to say that you're
it's just plus two
okay
so you roll a d20 and then add two
okay so you got it so you got a 21 total
yeah
21 baby
that hits so now you do
uh roll one d8
okay
yeah
five okay
so you did five damage to that that cultist
five damage
now it is
this cultist turn
all right he's gonna move
and he's going to swing a scimitar
at
boo
oh
that's gonna hit
i assume that's gonna hit
for three points of damage
three points damage
hold on you should be at
oh you should be at 20
yeah
not
14
no
well
now you're at 17
that long bow i got andy
that's yeah
it's a little bit nicer right is it a bow plus one
it
is
it's one d10 plus three piercing damage
yeah it's uh it's uh it does more damage so on your original one you had to do 1d8 this one's the one
d10
okay
all right so you took your damage
okay now it is the one that was affected by the
the ray of frost
oh
was that public
uh yeah i did see that
it should be
okay that's fine uh it doesn't do anything
so this cult is
okay it's gonna move closer to
who
no
that will end its turn
okay so this one succeeds and will also move closer
and its turn now it is tiger's turn
okay um
i'm still trying to figure it's trying to find
my items or weapons up here but i still don't see them so
okay
so it's uh
two-handed i'm going to move it in
closer to this one here not that that really matters it's probably just gonna get me in trouble
but all right uh roll with advantage how come because he was affected by the ray of frost
okay he's not going to be able to move that as fast all right so do two d20s
oh i did sorry i did d8
okay well you want to just stop there
because it's advantage i mean and then it's crit it's critical i don't know what that that doesn't mean anything right
or uh with your weapon attack score a critical hit on a roll of 19 or 20.
yeah so you definitely got a critical
what's this
oh
when you score a critical hit you get to roll extra dice for the attacks damage against the target
oh so you get like a twofer roll all of the attacks damage dice twice and add them together
okay
okay so you have
two d8s
all right
um
it so mine says here one d8 plus two slashing
does is two slashing just something else that's not part of the damage
no well it'll be you add two more damage to your total so you're going to add four total
all right so this is plus two if i should have added 14 14
okay uh he is dead
holy crap
what i just sliced him in half that's pretty cool
straight up murdered him
well i didn't want to i just really just wanted to worship the blob
all right so this one moves closer
uh this one bjorkabak
moves and attacks you know summer
yeah he can move and attack he
well yeah within 30 feet
okay
and it was only 15 feet
sounds good to me
oh i rolled that
oh it was a 17
oh that's a
oh
oh six points of damage
okay
so you're at 19
you took me down
yes
all right
boo
boo it is your turn
what are we gonna do what are we gonna do what are we gonna do
all right
probably attack
yeah i know that but what
just use your sword
i think i might use
magic missile
every time
every time i hear i don't know why when i hear magic missile i just think dick
is that weird i don't know it just sounds like something someone would call it someone would call their dick
you don't watch a lot of rocket launches do you
no
oh man that's fun all right so is the same thing as before 1d20
no
so you're gonna pick
three targets
they could be the same target they could be all different there could be two for one and one another
i'm gonna do the two around summer the one nearest me okay so one at each yeah
okay
magic mountain baby
so roll roll uh d4 three times please don't roll them together
d4
so you got two at let's just say this one
uh-huh okay okay i throw another one yeah
the r
oh that was a good roll that was a good one
okay and then
what was the third one you wanted to hit
uh the one next to me okay this is the one closest to me gotcha one more d4
tree
okay and that would and your turn
and start my turn
no
don't
all right
i'm assuming that four is not going to hit your ac
right no no i sorry i lost well it was it was for boo
uh okay
also not
poo
okay tiger it is your turn
i told you it was my turn
the two other cultists were were not able to move they're so sick from
growing up that yeah they're not able to to move this don't care gonna start guys start stab
okay
guess which one
the one next to me doesn't matter i missed you you've missed i was so excited because i was doing well for one turn literally
all right
is it so he
this cultists to the right of tiger
takes a swing
and misses
and
misses
i assume
yes
this one on the other side of tiger
also misses
well hold on
you better
11.
i assume misses
yes
okay so boo it is your turn
all right
okay
i am going to use
um
so you used one of your magic missiles
i did
so now you got three level three left
okay i'm going to use
burning
i'm going to use burning hand on the one next to next to me
next to you okay
yeah
can you play some battle music andy
uh no
we get
we can
because i don't know how
that's probably better because i would put on like the battle music and it would just loop
like a one minute thing forever
yeah
did you put the pokemon theme on though that was always fun
yeah that's what i was thinking i was kind of hoping that wishing that the pokemon music was on right now
or the final fantasy or anything
battle music
uh oh what's this
uh so he rolled an eight
so he fell
and
so he did not do it so
and because since you have that cone ability
this cultist will also have to make a dexterity save and throw
hooray take that cone ability
he passes
oh so roll three d6s
one that's bad
four
it's better
eight
it's not bad
all right
so we win
he's dead
this one's dead
this one
takes some damage
oh
okay
now is this one that comes up to
boo
no no no
before that
oh he moved away
well because i got i forgot to do something
all right now he's out
wait was there not a rick and morty on sunday
they're on break right now
so that 15 hits your armor class
who
what what's your armor class
12 okay yeah it hits you
no all right
four
no all right
all right
for four damage
so you're on damage
13
no
all
all right
so i'm at 14
yeah
all right cool
that's fine
oh
this is fine
all
house is on fire but it's fine
this is fine
that's what
it's okay
he this cultist is able to move and take a swing at you as well
this cultist
this cultist over here
this cultist thought it was just right
and
and okay so he misses and since he's one and he is burnt
i'm gonna make him roll another oh sorry i forgot to make that public uh he got a four
so he missed he missed me at you
that's because i've gotten credible skills right
okay he's gonna take two more damage from being burnt
i don't know i'm imagining like a burnt marshmallow
gross all right
all right some some your turn
oh i'm gonna swing wildly
yeah
everything
pick one
other one to my left
okay
all right uh roll your
d8
can it it's a it's a d10 if i was using left uh two-handed
oh yeah yeah you're right one do a d10
zero oh my gosh
i was like why would they even have a zero on there
i thought the same thing
they have a zero on there
why is there a zero
why eggs
guys
good
man oh okay so this
this this cultist
decides
to take a sweet a you
little
bitch
and he misses
yeah he does
he's a cult
he doesn't believe in anything
i taught him
boo your turn
say what you will about the tenets of no
national socialism at least it was an ethos
and worse of a
fucking blob
all right
fuck uh
fuck i don't want to use any more of my
my good spells
uh
i'm gonna hit him with another ray of frost
and just frost these
fuckers
um nearest one so this guy right here i guess
you mean the one nearest me
yeah one nearest to him
uh yeah that one
yeah that one
okay
well that was easy
summer is in the way though
that's fine
can she dock
let it rip
for a skill check
let it rip
what is it one d20
roll one d20 plus
i think you have two
plus two
you miss
um
but also misses summer so that's good
summer
summer give me a
dexterity check
how about
i just lay low
how about you be dexterous
yeah buddy
you
he misses you both
very wildly
it wasn't
i
i my
it turns out i didn't have the right eye closed
all right
um
the
cultist to the south
uh
or to the bottom of
of jerry is too busy puking
he's
yeah he is not looking good
he is really
and so is the one to the right of jerry
tiger your turn
nice i'm gonna swing wildly
okay
the one next
i assume it's the one next to you okay
i swing wildly
oh that's a critical so do
2d10
oh yeah it is
i can i roam at the same time
yeah
oh my gosh i am
dying
i've only heard that once before and that was when you're incredibly hung over
i'm dying
and he dies
oh yeah
man i'm slicing everyone in half this today
all right
boom
you're just like that except
the sword
uh let's keep up the good times with my rays of frost
all right
which one
um
you know either one
sir please stop chopping
and play the game
you gotta you gotta pick
uh the one by the rails i'm hoping he falls over it
the one to your right
yeah
okay
maybe he could follow freeze and fall over the rail and shatter maybe
why not zoid
roll a d20
he can die maybe
oh yeah that's a 71
it's it's an l1 actually
oh
so
do one d8
three
all right
well
you successfully put him out
he's not burnt anymore
so
oh no
good job of doing that
you've
you've soothed his
you've
his
you've salved his burns
uh
the one to the bottom of you takes a swing at you with his scimitar
and misses
yeah he misses
so now it is the one who is
burnt and frozen somehow
he definitely
he can't do anything he's too cold
and burnt and
vomiting everywhere
so i'm so
time to lick tits
i'm going
if i if i move up can i uh
you know what i'm gonna can i shoot at my arrow
sure
all right i'd like to shoot my arrow at uh
i would like to make a look over at uh jerry
at in sort of a nod to which one i should shoot
no i'm gonna shoot you
and he's pointing at the one to his left
so
from your point of view
from his point of view he's looking at
oh right yeah from my from my point of view
to his life
so the one that's burnt and frozen
yeah
oh he's gonna be arrowed
and puking
he's having a really shitty day
i don't know i think he likes the puking
i don't think so
okay so the longboard the longboard
the lawn board yeah
you're gonna shoot with the lawn board
yeah what how do i do it the same thing one d20
one d one d20 yeah okay
okay that hits plus four
no it's actually plus seven plus no
oh wow because your longbow yeah
why didn't i do this more often
no no so you can hit so roll
uh one d10
it doesn't matter you're gonna kill him so if you don't want to roll it
what what huh so he's only got three damage
i didn't say that
oh because he's almost dead because he was
frozen frozen and puking and bleeding very heavily
uh boo your turn
oh all right all right all right uh
how how much damage is the how's the does the one guy have i cannot tell you that you can't tell me that i'm gonna bludgeon
no
okay so was that one d6 no one d20
you have to actually hit him
i think that speaks for itself you hit him so now roll your
is it one d6 one d6 yeah
attack bonus of plus two
well yeah that was the you rolled a 15 so it's a 17 it hits
do you do six points he's dead now right
he's at least if he's not he's got one hell of a
what they call it a bump on his head
oh he's all right they call that a bump on his head
what they call it uh so now with all the with all the cult is dead
he's dead
hold on all right so the last cult is with this last
remain in breath
now he's remain in breath he's not dead
but what he does is he he calls for the creature that they were
making into this pit by vomiting into it oh yeah you're right this was too easy
and in order for for him to be summoned he has to
make a blood sacrifice so he
slits his throat no
stop him now he's dead though he's dead
we're out or out of the thick of it but this
ochre jelly comes out of the pit
and it's sitting on the rail i bet he just wants to talk
he does not want to talk he is very mad at you
for what for god's sakes for killing all of his followers
you just murdered them they attacked us for god's sakes i came in here to make a donation
what to puke i mean what kind is that i mean yeah
then puke i puke
you puke yeah give me a roll
um
it didn't see that one coming did you
you know give me a medicine roll all right
well how do i do that
that is go under your skills and then just normal oh yeah yeah
all right all right you puke and this puke climbs up and joins the
the uh
the okra jelly and now he has more health
now he is part of my team
can i puke
he says he just guess
roll
i think it's working
i think it's working roll a medicine check
uh it doesn't say so it'd be skills then
go let's go sorry
yeah
wait you're
why did booze only have a
oh it was a d10 or d20
all right um
um
the oh
oh
the puke that you just did
yeah so do i get my own
do i get my own little lob
towards the okra jelly
uh-huh
and the okra july gets stronger
oh so it backfired
yeah
no
how could i have known
he's half us at this point
he's more us than ochre
it even is an ochre
all right
ochre
barely newer
you guys just please did your turns
that was a turn
yo
that wasn't a turn that was just a little bit of fun
and we're trying to get this guy to join up with us
yeah and he's mostly us at this point
yeah come on man
come on man
let's have
let's have a
let's have a blob to the
to the
he goes up to
to cherry
let logic prevail
what's he doing
he rolls a
two what is it
a 13
so he's going to roll
two d6s
my god
he does four points of damage
oh that means he's a
bitch
yeah
right now it's
some some's turn
uh
do
i don't know
is it weak to arrows
i've never fought a jelly before
all right then you have no idea
but i'm smart
give me a nature check
give us an intelligence check
skills
nature
all right
six
you got no
fucking clue
all right
well i'm just gonna shoot an arrow at it anyway
oh minus one arrow
yeah
um
so it's plus seven
well yeah
that does not hit it
oh yes it does actually i'm sorry
suck it
so roll a d10
how many 13
one
oh nine points of damage
you almost took back what you added to it
jerry your turn
you puked and added 11 to his health points
11
that's what you rolled
that's unfair
you wanted to puke
i am going to use invisibility
what is that gonna do
getting out of here
what is that gonna do
maybe he's weak to being frozen
like a real jelly
all right well then i'm gonna use ray of frost
or is it too late
oh you could use red frost
yeah everyone likes ray of frost
it's a it's a staple of the game you know it's a classic
classic
but are but are they
weak to
just to
ray of frost jellies that is
he can't tell us
are you yeah you're you asking me
well i'm not asking bo
who roll a d20
all right you got it so then do
one d8
i bet he's gonna crack into a million pieces
do two damage
do damage to the jelly
the jelly and now he's dead
no
uh he takes uh what is it called
freezing damage
uh
no
he's gonna slow him down so he's gonna
he's gonna roll with disadvantage
so he is weak to
freezing damage
so i got oh yeah i forgot it does that
uh an 11
so it's
does not
turn it up to 11
tiger your turn
i will shoot wildly
okay
that's the jelly
okay
oh wait on plus seven
it's so it's 10
all right so roll one d10
another nine
nine
and he vaporizes into a goo
nope
don't
boo
that's you
i know
oh god
um
i'm gonna put on some
i'm gonna put on shield
i'm gonna put on some music
that's not gonna help either
me i mean
okay
so that's your second
first level
okay
what's that do
how much does that
it just adds five to your ac
okay cool
so now the
the ochre jelly takes us to main that boot because he's still closest
i'm beginning to think maybe i should learn some magic
16 but he's gonna do it with disadvantage because he's still frozen
also he's got
he's got uh he's got that shield so you can't beat him
because shield puts him at 17
yeah
doesn't matter he rolled in a lot
so it's because it was at disadvantage
all right i'm gonna go make another drink
what
what should i do
think about your next turn very carefully
very carefully
i will add though you shot him with those arrows
they're dissolved now you cannot pick them out of the body
all right you mean we can't pocket pick at this thing
no
it's mostly acid
it is vomit it's acid it's mostly ass
it
oh
it's not a little bit of a towel
it's not
the foundry thing just shut off
yeah i was trying to update one of the packages but it's not doing it so
because you broke the rules this is how you pay
okay
Thank you.
I need administrator access to Foundry.
Why?
I don't know.
It just popped up.
It can boog it in?
No, you don't.
I just don't remember.
I told you.
It was like off and you said you were trying to do something.
But it should be back up now.
What if you do Foundry slash or like just refresh it?
I just refreshed it.
It's working.
Sorry about that.
I was trying to update a module, but no dice.
Oh, okay.
Because I still don't see.
I don't see the inventory.
And so for like the rolls and stuff.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Tiger, it is your turn.
I'm going to shoot an arrow at it.
Okay.
One D20.
Oh, that's a critical, baby.
The critical, so do 2D10s.
I can roll them all at once?
Yeah.
We'll just add six.
2D10s plus six?
Yeah.
Well, no, we'll do three.
3D10s?
No.
2D6 plus three.
Because it's still only one arrow.
You're not shooting two arrows, so you're not going to get double the amount of piercing damage.
Okay.
So 2D8.
2D10.
It should be.
Why would it be 10?
Because of your new bow.
Oh, shit.
That has a plus three on it.
Yeah.
Alright.
So it's dead now.
Ooh, your turn.
Well, Ray of Frost is dead.
Again?
Yeah, dude.
Alright.
One.
He loves it.
That's the 1D20.
I learned to love it.
What is that?
Carl Winslow?
Alright, you hit it.
And then you do...
It dissolves.
1D8.
You know what, dude.
Do another D8 for me.
Just because it's been hit so many times, it's cold.
Alright, it's the ochre jellies turn.
It takes a swinging at blue.
No!
It's cold!
It's so cold.
Alright.
A six so it does not hit.
Tiger, your turn.
Cool.
I'm going to hit it.
Oh, hold on.
Let me mark the other arrow.
One more arrow.
Alright.
I say that like I'm going to stop hitting it with arrows after this turn, but I'm just going
to keep pummeling it with arrows.
Okay.
No.
Oh, you got a critical failure.
Plus seven.
No, it's still a critical failure.
Um.
You know what?
Boo.
No.
Give me a dexterity check.
All right.
You pass.
Uh.
You dodge out of the way as, as summer's arrow comes flying right towards your head.
Yeah.
What are you thinking?
Summer?
Uh.
The arrow hits, hits a wall and shatters into pieces.
Why?
Because you got a critical failure.
You fucking deserve it.
The critical failure was almost hitting, uh, Jerry.
I don't know.
I take that as a pretty successful win for both of us.
Because I'm fighting a vomit monster right now.
This is as low as I can get.
Maybe you should throw up again.
Do you think so?
That's over.
It's got disadvantage.
Oh.
So it does not hit.
Tiger, your turn.
Okay.
No, it's, uh, D20.
Oh, now that's a critical.
That is a critical.
Swing.
Home runner strikeout.
Do D, two D10s.
Plus three.
D10.
That has a plus three in there.
So 19.
Okay.
Oh, he's gonna get, he's gonna get roasted.
It's roasted.
So, as the ochre jelly is dying, it's dissolving into the floor.
But it's some, it, it gathers together big enough.
You just reach up and it holds out a middle finger looking hand at you guys.
Hey.
I love it.
Uh, you know that sermon, that, that scene at the end of the Terminator?
Yeah.
He's holding his thumb up before, yeah, it's like that.
It's like that.
The middle, the middle finger goes into the, the puddle.
I flug off the puddle.
I don't know why he's so mad at us.
We didn't even do anything.
You killed his followers.
Yeah, but they, they attacked us.
All right, so you defeated that.
Now what?
Uh, I'm pretty stoked.
I feel like that went, I feel like that went pretty well.
I think it went better than snot.
That was bad.
That was a bad pun.
I knows.
That was better, but, uh, it's also not snot.
It was vomit.
So still a bad pun.
Oh, okay.
Wow.
Minus strain.
All right.
So what can, is there anything to be seen about this room?
If I, I'm going to walk around this like path and like kind of look at the, uh,
Okay.
Give me a perception check.
At the, the, the, the fire pit in the bottom.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, it's not really a fire pit.
It's a pit.
Oh, it's just a pit.
Okay.
Yeah.
There's no fire.
It's just.
This must be an optical illusion.
It is.
Yeah.
Five.
All right.
You perceive nothing.
Nothing.
All right.
Then I guess I'll just keep going forward.
I'll just leave out that door.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Oh, it's a boat.
All very astute.
Was that Chicago?
No, it's Gary.
Indiana.
My home sweet home.
Chicago.
No.
Gary, Indiana.
Oh, Gary, Indiana.
Gary, Indiana.
My home sweet home.
I don't know that song.
We've had a lot of fun so far, folks.
But this next room is truly horrifying.
Dear near darkness fills this room and the sound of gently sloshing water echoes off the
walls.
A robo bobs in a slow moving stream tied by a rope to a small concrete pier.
The horde oily water flowing in the stream looks suspiciously like pancreatic juice.
Oh, no.
We're going to Pirates of the Pancreas.
They're very rapey.
They don't hold back.
They're very rapey.
They don't hold back.
That sounds like season one stuff.
Just because it is.
All right.
What do you guys do?
I'm getting on the boat.
Yeah, I guess.
So you get in the boat?
Yeah.
I don't know.
This reminds me of...
Remember the boat scene from Willy Wonka?
Oh, yeah.
It terrified me as a child and as an adult.
And also as a child again.
Okay, so I assume you guys undo the rope and you start heading down the water that looks
like pancreatic juice?
I don't know where this boat's going.
I'm just in it.
Well, it's still tied up.
Oh.
I mean, yeah.
We're going to have to cast off.
Cast off.
I slice it with sword.
With sword?
Okay.
I'm not even going to make you check for that.
I should because the way you've been rolling.
You might end up chopping your foot off.
I killed 14 cultists and a slime, so...
You might accidentally chop off your...
Melissa, your butt cheek.
You might be a hot dog.
Got you there.
As the boat...
Okay, so the boat starts moving.
The walls flash with bright images.
A parrot, doubloon, and a treasure map.
The dread is palpable.
You can feel it in the air.
You have no idea what's going to come next.
Mm-hmm.
But it definitely feels like pirates.
And pancreas.
So...
So you're moving up.
The characters see a...
You guys...
Where are the characters?
The adventurers party, yeah.
You see a glowing exit sign hanging over a dimly visible door.
Do you stay on the boat or do you get out?
Wait, is there more we can keep going?
You can keep going or you can leave the exit.
There's a big sign above the door that says emergency exits.
Oh, I'm staying on the boat.
Yeah, I'm not...
It's not an emergency.
You're not too scared of the pirates?
Nah.
No.
Summer.
I know, they're rapey.
Yeah, I know.
They're awfully rapey.
Yeah, I know they're rapey, but I've got a sword.
And I've got 15 arrows.
Maybe 14.
15 arrows.
All right.
So you find the boat floating into a well-lit cavern.
You find yourself gazing into a cavern of nightmares.
Magically animated pirate mannequins act out their twisted follies.
Some clank mugs together.
Others sit atop barrels and belt out demonic shanties.
And still others play keep away with a stolen peg leg.
It's mayhem of the worst kind.
Peradical.
Which I also did not know was a word.
It's not.
Oh.
At the prowl of a horrible wooden ship stands a mannequin wearing a large, terrifying pirate hat.
A pirate hat?
Just the hat?
He's wearing a pirate hat.
Oh.
He's wearing a pirate hat.
Does he look friendly?
All right.
The mannequin turns with an unnatural speed and stares at you.
No.
I.
Grimes to a halt.
Boy me hearties.
Answer me rental or I'll scuttle you.
Peradical is a word.
You Googled it.
That's what you were worried about.
You're floating down this river of pancreatic juice with parrots on the wall and dead bodies.
Well, not dead bodies.
What was it?
It was a mechanic, magically animated pirate mannequins.
Yeah.
And you're Googling paratical?
Paratical?
Parabola.
I needed to know.
All right.
So the pirate captain is a nightmarishly well programmed magical animatronic.
Oh, I see.
And what?
Do you have some kind of riddle for us?
Yes.
All right.
What's your damn, what's your damn, what's your damn riddle?
Arr.
A landlubber has a barrel full of gold coins that is, that weighs 500 pounds.
Then he puts something in the barrel and ho, now it weighs less than 500 pounds.
What did he put in the barrel?
It's helium.
That's your final answer.
Now let us through.
We put helium in there.
I gotta admit, helium is pretty compelling.
That was so quick with the answer too.
He was like, that's easy.
Helium.
It's helium.
He's doing calculations right now.
You know, he's pondering the, meditating the situation.
Pondering.
You know.
Does, uh, does this ghost kind of look like, uh, the Flying Dutchman from SpongeBob?
No.
All right.
Really putting me in the spot.
You didn't think I would get it right so fast, did you?
Did you?
The captain goes, arr.
I didn't know anyone could be that stupid.
Ah!
Yeah.
And I got it right on the first try.
And he fires his cannon at you.
No, no.
Not the cannon.
And you take.
Oh, I get it.
Let me do one.
You will take three points of bludgeoning damage.
You got hit with the cannon.
That's bullshit.
It's not bullshit.
That was a stupid answer.
No, it wasn't.
I think he should redo his calculations because if he filled it with helium, it would be less heavy.
The barrel is open.
That's just physics.
The barrel's open.
And full of helium.
The helium goes up out the top of the barrel.
Not if it's solid helium.
Are you going to keep arguing?
It's frozen helium.
You're going to keep arguing?
No.
You sure?
Yes.
I already got hit with a goddamn cannon.
All right.
So what was it?
I wasn't listening.
What was the riddle?
As your boat starts sinking into this pancreatic juice.
Tell me the riddle.
No.
Figure it out and come back later.
But I don't know what it is.
Figure it out and come back later.
Figure out what it is?
You're not very good at this, troll.
Pretty sure it had something to do with, you know, a bag of steel cut oats.
All right.
So now you guys only have one way to go.
Yeah.
So you have to keep swimming forward.
What about the riddle?
I assume.
No.
You got it wrong.
He's right to be pissed.
I want another crack at it.
I yell at the pirate.
You rolled for me by accident.
Oh, you're right.
It doesn't matter.
Oh, there's the pirate.
I didn't see him before.
It's Hondo.
Yeah.
It's Hondo Onaka.
He loves money.
That's an animatronic Hondo.
It is the animatronic Hondo because it's an animatronic pirate captain.
Now you listen to me pirate.
You tell me that riddle one more time.
Or I'll pump you full.
A landlubber.
A landlubber has a barrel full of gold coins that weighs 500 pounds.
An open barrel.
Then he puts something in the barrel and ho.
Now it weighs less than 500 pounds.
What did he put in the barrel, you dogs?
Hmm.
Jerry, do you have any ideas?
Can we try helium again?
It's not going to work.
No, we're not trying that again.
He's going to blast this full of cannon.
Again.
Is it nothing?
No, that doesn't make any sense.
That's not going to go less.
I think my ex-wife.
She loves fucking money.
What?
So it's...
Um...
So it has 500 gold.
500 pounds.
Of gold.
And you're just wading through like this pancreatic juice while you're trying to answer this riddle that...
What about, you know, um...
What if we added space?
Yo, what?
Is that your final answer?
That's not even an answer.
What if we added space?
Adding more space?
You know, like, you know, I don't know.
I'm trying to think of this.
Is this like a pun?
Is this like a wordplay?
Oh, I'm sure it's a pun.
I mean, all rules are puns, which I thought you'd make you good at it.
But, uh...
Unfortunately not.
Maybe we should just swim.
This is...
Who's Googling it?
I heard some keys clacking.
No, I'm not Googling it.
I'm fidgeting with my pen.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I mean, this is...
I mean, Boo's looking directly at his phone.
Where...
Where you go...
I don't know.
Let's try Y.
And you guys got it fucking right.
Well, we tried helium already.
Y again?
I'd say Y.
We add more Y to this.
It's better not to answer than to answer something bad.
Because he's gonna shoot us with his cannon again.
Just like he made that goddamn jelly stronger from us vomiting.
Trying to bond with the jelly.
I don't know.
Um...
All right.
You got any suggestions of a riddle?
No, I don't know what the pun is.
Can you give us a hint?
No, and he lights the fuse.
Oh, come on, man.
You're being a jerk.
Fuse of what?
For the cannon.
Oh, we better get swimming.
We better get swimming.
I'm swimming.
All right.
So you come up to the door.
I assume you're gonna go through the door.
Do I have another option?
Is it...
Is it riddle protected?
You can try to...
No, you can try to answer the...
The riddle.
So we can't keep swimming past it?
No.
All right.
Then I guess we'll go through the door.
All right.
Oh, God.
This also reminds me of Willy Wonka.
In the chocolate factory?
Yeah.
Remember when you go see that little door?
Oh, yeah.
Sometimes I wonder the Google searches that led you to the pictures that you've chosen.
Did you just Google search door?
No, I put Houndstooth floor.
You put what?
Houndstooth floor.
That's not really what I put.
I don't remember what I put.
I was gonna say, I wonder how this plays into it.
Why would he search Houndstooth floor?
This room is totally, completely empty.
Oh, you guys smell like pancreatic juice, by the way.
What?
Is that gonna be like a minus on our charisma checks?
Yeah, charisma is gonna be a disadvantage.
Yeah.
My charisma was already pretty bad.
And also, we've rolled, like, no charisma checks.
We all know.
Shut up.
This room is totally, completely, and suspiciously empty.
The only visible feature is the exit door on the other side.
I go through it.
You know, you just walk through the door that you, you came in?
I thought you said that all you could see was the door on the other side.
Oh, yeah.
It's locked.
Oh.
I'll knock on it.
Nothing happens.
Knock on it again.
Okay.
The door opens, and an identical party of adventurers enter.
I am you suspiciously.
It's not a curse for me or whatever.
I'm not a damn hack.
These are identical versions of you.
In the interest of efficiency, I sent another dimensions versions of you into the dungeon right
when you started.
Admittedly, this meeting is pretty awkward.
But I'm sure we can sort it out.
Wait, so we just needed to knock twice?
No.
I'm thinking maybe we could solve this riddle now.
Have I tried the word, have I tried space?
Can we add more space to the box yet?
A cannonball flies through the side of the room.
What?
What about helium in space?
No.
All right.
I'm probably going to end it there before this.
Wait.
This battle.
Battle?
With what?
Maybe.
Ourselves?
I was going to talk and maybe romance.
Is it sex or masturbation?
It doesn't matter.
We'll be right back.
Bye.
you
Thank you.