we're fucked we're back here again no no we're not we're not
fucked i knew you were gonna say this i'm having an existential crisis i just died and it was
horrifying and i did everything i could and i was invisible and then i wasn't and then you i mean
everything you did hide that's a lot let's do a little bit less of that maybe i just don't i don't
see any other way out of this some some i think we're just gonna have to build a giant robot out of
bar parts do you know how to build a robot i i i think we can do it i think we can do it i think
i mean we've got a can-do attitude we've got ropes we've got uh hinges off the doors um we can make
this work you've picked a strange time to develop a can-do attitude a strange subject about which to
have a can-do attitude well if you have any other ideas i'd like to hear them um i have no robot making
experience and i know you don't either um although you are magical um i think maybe instead of building
new humanoid robots um maybe we use the people here and make them into a robot how does that work
yes no not that will you listen to yourself dad you're embarrassing me again in front of everyone
here you're right we have to get everyone united to build this robot people gather around get your
things we're gonna start taking things off no no we're gonna use the toilet for a head get it
i love how you you had you had literally an eternity to uh think about what we were going to do our next
steps and the best you could come up with building a robot out of toilets parts you know tubes and glass
that's tubes and glass don't make a bar tubes and glass make a motorcycle well what did you say fire
and glass fire well there's definitely fire there must be fire here we could just make a bar golem it's
like magic or something i think i can probably do you have a bar golem spell a golem spell i mean you
learn one soon what if we just built me an r like a robot that'd be for me to hide inside while it fought
against the robots i'm trying to think here i'm running out of steam all right fine fine you're right
you're right this is a this is a this is a greenhouse this is what we talked about in school it's a safe
space there's just no bad ideas let's just get it all out there except the toilet one that one was bad
but all the other ones they're probably good just let it flow let it flow i don't have any other ideas
um let's see let's see what else they got out well you're right here we have hinges
we have hinges and got hinges those hinges i don't know we have soccer bombs and hinges
glass fire and tubes that's all i know that we have
all right while you guys are arguing about this layla the lizard comes up and walks to your boot
and ask you know how y'all doing can i get you anything to drink or eat
i'd like some i'd like some yeast yeah how would yeah how are we doing the taste the yeast is fresh out
no you said that last time but i know there's yeast back there and i right there how about how
about this and i coyly slide a uh gold piece towards her she picks it up puts it in her pocket
says yep still no yeast minus one gold well that's coming out of your tip layla
i think that was my tip here's a tip i remember i remember you two from last time and uh that's the
most i ever got out of you wait so they they remember uh wait so layla you remember the last
time your memory persists yeah that fire was fun you remember when you killed us oh yeah that's not
nice this is the best time i've had in a long time all these other people i've killed so many times it
just gets boring oh well we're gonna go that way that's i'm glad we added some levity to your life
there's like no fight to any of them so i got a question if they were someone were to fight you um
what would they have to do to defeat you what are your various weaknesses
mine for one is is redheads i'm and you know that's my weakness for instance if i turned your bar
into a giant fighting robot would that be a threat no as a robot i think they would probably join
that side against but it's name on the ob rays
what actually that's a really good idea i might make one myself a robot bar robot yeah you are a
bar robot i'm gonna make another one you know what layla we need a little more time to think about
why don't you give us a minute okay and she walks away that did not go well but i don't know what
else to do i get paid i panic and i panic and just ask for help from the enemy i thought i was being
clever and i was i i i do you have zone of truth do i have what zone of truth what is that it's a spell
maybe made up but i heard about it in a book once it definitely exists i don't know what can you learn
it's not in my book it is not in the book
i don't have the zone of truth but i can give you um the finger of truth oh wow
thank you professional is always dead how all right okay robot let's just table that for now
maybe let's just call it a maybe i i don't know how to make a robot you have no robot spells
um i think maybe we ought to utilize these soccer moms as a sort of how do you say
cannon fodder maybe we'll gum up the works of the robots or something or maybe they can fight i don't
i don't really know
see you made me feel really bad about the robot idea but you want to use people as cannon fodder
gumming up the works who raised you where did you get this notion from for god's sakes they're people
are they i mean they've died thousands and millions of times are they really people i mean if we're going
to get philosophical about it they're probably closer are we really people are we really people
i don't know i asked myself i'm asking myself the same thing listen i found it best not to ask about
anything just to fill your life with meaningless things until we get to the end well we've got a we've got
11 hours until until you give up with a bad idea daddy's gonna be in the back pulling up the toilet to make a robot head
okay i am going to start
i still have my carpenters tools don't forget
uh we'll need those for the robot
i uh would like to start building a fort again
wait i thought that you stormed off to start working on a robot
i'm not far i'm on the other side of the park
all right fine i'm not building a fort um i'm going to go flirt with some soccer moms
okay
am i successful
did i do it you have to make it a little appealing
just say i flirt with them
all right
i will
am i gonna go first or is boo gonna do his toilet thing first
you go first i haven't really decided what i'm doing
you did decide you said you're gonna make a robot out of toilets
and now i'm in the bathroom sitting on the toilet crying you do your own thing i'll do mine
all right uh i'm gonna saddle up to um let's just say i don't know why i'm sideways but i'm gonna
saddle up to this this table over here okay and i'm gonna say so guys um maybe we got off on the wrong
foot
i'm summer
how are you
i'm doing terrible
you're doing terrible okay yeah me too
terrible
me too how did you die last time because i don't remember how i died but it was
i think it was smoke inhalation from some idiot
lighting a booth fort on fire
i know right that was a really dumb idea
do you know who did that
oh it was probably that middle-aged crying man i don't remember his name but i call him dad sometimes just because i don't know
do you call a random person you've never met before dad
oh yeah it's like a pet name i would call you dad if you were a man but you're clearly
a woman
all woman
all of you
you're all
you know what i never asked how did you die last time
oh smoke inhalation you know the the standard stuff or maybe arrows i don't you know honestly it was a blur
it was just but it was painful wasn't that your first time
uh dying yeah
uh don't recommend
no in this bar
for slaughter fest
yeah oh yes slaughter everybody remembers how they died the first time
uh yeah i don't sorry
i one of the robots took one of the pizza things off the off the wall you know the thing they use to get the pizza out of the oven
oh the shovel the pizza shovel that's what we call it
yeah and it
mm-hmm
they cut my head off with it
ouch that must have been bad
and another one goes yeah
and then another
how rude
the the owl
the owlbear flipped one of the stools upside down just threw me on top of it and impaled me
oh i can almost feel it when you tell me about it it's
and it's quite painful i'm so sorry that happened to you
and the third one goes i just had a heart attack
oh so were you really killed you were killed by yourself and your bad choices it sounds like
no they scared me so bad by my uh heart arrhythmia acted out
right but it's kind of your fault
uh that's not how arrhythmia works
well it's your body's fault
that's your
and then and then i i point at it
i have no control over that
this this one right
what a what a weakling
no that's my sister
oh your sisters i thought you were sisters
you all look so similar and beautiful
um okay and yes and um how about we stop dying have you thought about that
are you trying to use a tactic they use for improv
yes and let's not die this time
um you're gonna die this time
no we don't want to be with you
so please don't hear hear me out
leave us alone
i have a great plan
all right what's your plan
oh it's a great great plan
it's the best plan
what is it
it requires everyone pitching in
to do
fighting
how
well
against the
you know
and then i i point over by
um some of the animatronics
let's say the uh tommy two frog
what's his name
tommy two toad
thomas t toad
and i point like
yeah like uh
you know
against them
let's let's give them what for
how are we gonna fight though
can i make like a charisma check or something
yeah
i need help
i was gonna do that
i need help
do a charisma check
um
charisma
i don't really
i forgot how to do it
go check
hit charisma
public role
it says 1d 20 plus 0
oh so i have 0 charisma
yeah
that's surprising
oh yeah
two
that's good right
we're trying to roll
this is like
golf
this is not like golf
no
we're not
we're not buying into your fake bullshit
leave us alone
it's not fake
do you want to keep dying
alone
all right
uh
then i go over to
a different table
it's also
well hello
these are all women right
no
this is the family
okay
all right
mom dad
son i think there was an uncle
all right
uh
so who's the uh
head of the family here
uh
the one at the top
speaks out
and has
in her womanly voice
oh it's a woman
i am
yeah
does that surprise you
that a woman is the head of the family
oh
huh
let's not get into it
i already struck out
with the last family
no that was me asking
not
not the character
oh yeah
i mean it's
it's not
it happens from time to time
i i can't say i approve
but
what are you gonna do
uh
so
hello
i am summer
a
innocent
wonderful
young
woman
and i'm looking to
join your family
please
you want to join my family
because my brother over there
he's single
and
i look over to him
and
uh
i don't know
should it be
i want to
i want to know
whether or not i find him attractive
and i want to
okay
uh
skills
yeah there's a perception skill
all right
oh
he
he is the redhead
of my dreams
redhead of your dreams
so
and you look over at him
and his mouth is just
dropped to the floor
staring at you
oh
you must have noticed
my new butt
not yet
you're facing me
oh
well maybe
you could notice it later
well
can i see it now
whoa
um
wow that's quite forward
and i look over at his dad
i don't have much time
so
i'm gonna get right to it
don't be that
but
uh
that is
awfully forward
uh
and it's
i'd say it's
turning me off
of it
and i'm going to
i'm gonna walk away
uh
from their table
but i'm gonna
i'm gonna
really
i'm gonna
sassy it up
guys
this
this conversation
would be so bad
if we had a larger group
and we were playing
like a regular dnd
like this is like
stuff they talk about
on the reddit
like that
they don't want to talk
show me that butt
oh no i'm not gonna
i'm not
right
yes i hear you
but i'm not doing that
i'm just
i'm just gonna walk away
and i'm gonna sashay
and just
let
just let him see
what he
what he wants
wants
you know
he likes what he sees
since you rolled a 20
on that
i
he gets up
and he follows you
really
yeah
can we
can we go
can i get a break
yeah boo your turn
what are you doing
i'm sitting on the toilet
i'm not like
pooping
i'm like
i'm not using it
i'm just like
sitting like crying
because i don't know
how to build a robot
but i can't like
look like a
look the fool
um
can i have a perception check
or what
what are you looking for
i'm in the bathroom
i just want to know
what's in here
so i have some idea
what to do
if i can do it here
um
i mean it's just
a normal bathroom
there's not like
a
a warrior robot
hard drive
hidden anywhere
all right
can i look inside
the top of the toilet
and see if there's
anything in there
sure
give me a
perception
where's perception
again
i forgot
just regular like
yeah
five
you somehow
can't get the lid
of the
the toilet
or the tank
the tank lid
of the toilet
off
what
what is this toilet
made out of
it's not locked
down
you just
can't do it
what if
what if the
floater is broken
how are they
gonna fix that
summer i need
summer get in here
i need your bow
and eat your bow
to pry this lid
off this toilet
we can use the
parts to make
something i'm sure
what
i have an idea
but i don't know
how to bring it up
organically
okay
um
is
so
these are robots
i think we talked
about
they're electronic
in some way
maybe
yes
um
i would think
that they don't
like water
possibly
um
i wonder
if jerry
if you could
have
as you're
struggling
with the
the plumbing
basically to
check the
toilet
you could
have like
some kind
of
i don't
know
epiphany
about
robots
not liking
water
and maybe
something
around
i got
so
i ripped
the toilet
off the
wall
let me do
it
trying to
open it
trying to
open it
yeah
give me
a
athletics
check on
that one
all right
normal
cool
i ripped
the toilet
off the
wall
you
budget a
little bit
and then
you notice
the lid
gets a
little bit
loose
it's
11
you want
to rip
a toilet
off the
wall
yeah
it's not
going to be
an easy
thing to
do
have you
ever done
it
i am
ashamed
to admit
i have
not
then let
you know
let me
have this
one thing
man
i gave
you what
i can
give you
all right
um
i i
don't i
was gonna
rip the
toilet off
the wall
and see if
i can get
to the
water main
but i
guess i'm
just gonna
sit here
and cry
some more
well i
mean
it'll produce
in the
form of
water
yeah
so what
happened
he nudged
it and
like it
started leaking
no the
lid on
the top
became
loose
oh
became
loose
so
again
whatever you
want to do
i'm just
saying that
maybe if
the lid
came loose
now you
could open
it
i'm
opening it
i'm going
for the
floater
i don't
know what
to do
i'm a
little uh
you're
gonna have
to give
me some
direction
can you
give me
another
uh
what
was
what
did
you
my
initial
plan
out of
character
my
initial
plan
was i
was
going to
try to
rip it
off the
wall
water
was
going
to
spew
everywhere
and i
was
going to
get
the
idea
of
maybe
i
could
freeze
it
with
my
ray
of
frost
and
then
blast
them
when
they
came
in
or
something
i
don't
know
i'm
just
flying
by the
seat
of my
pants
here
you
still
can
you
can
you
i mean
you
can
find
a way
to
get
water
on
the
floor
with
my
hands
in
the
toilet
i
mean
i
mean
just
because
you
failed
the
first
check
you
can
keep
trying
to
do
what
you're
trying
to
do
just
maybe
with
other
checks
or
different
just
different
ways
well
okay
summer
get
in
here
we're
gonna
use
your
bowl
to
pry
this
toilet
off
the
wall
so
when you
yell
that
like
that
boy
is
following
me
and
all
of a
sudden
like
you
know
i was
in
the
zone
like
i was
actually
working
it
and
i hear
from the
bathroom
summer
your dad
needs
help
in here
i look
at the
boy
and
i'm
just
beat
red
in
embarrassment
dad
and
then
i
then
i
skid
her
off
back
into
the
bathroom
this
better
be
good
not a
good
idea
summer
we're
gonna
rip
the
toilet
off
the
wall
and
then
what
we're
gonna
spew
water
everywhere
i bet
you
them
robots
don't
like
water
i
you
know
especially
toilet
water
that
sounds
disgusting
do
you
have
any
better
ideas
you
want
to
fill
this
bar
with
toilet
water
doesn't
smell
bad
enough
already
my
thinking
is
i
we
break
it
off
i
freeze
it
and
then
when
they
come
in
i
you
know
we
unfreeze
it
with
the
fire
from
the
restaurant
you
don't
have
fire
the
restaurant
does
we've
established
this
many
times
it's
got
fire
and
glass
i
think
that
was
out
of
character
they
have
glass
here
and
fire
uh
okay
i don't
know what
else to do
summer
i this
is
this
is
i told
you
what to
do
why don't
you
ingratiate
yourself
into one
of these
stupid
soccer
moms
families
i
ingratiate
me
ingratiate
i've been
in the
bathroom
for 20
minutes
they've all
saw me
in here
what am
i supposed
to do
well
clean yourself
up and act
like a man
and i
am not
sociable
today
i am
very very
upset
all right
fine
if it's so
important if it's so
important to you that we rip this toilet off the wall
then we will rip the toilet off of the wall i don't know how it's
gonna help but
you know it did not be the worst thing to happen to us in the last session or so
and i go to walk over by the toilet like i'm like half of the toilet and put my hands on the toilet like
you know to like you know like when you lift something heavy up yeah
okay
yeah all right and then i grab your bow and i'm like using it like
no no stop you're gonna break it give me that back
all right quick quick no no no
do we both roll an athletics check or
wait what
you're really doing that
wait what are we doing
i'm ripping the bow
with the bow
please don't i already broke this once playing baseball with it
can we not break it again
it's so good the bow is so good
all right you can have it
just help me just give me a hand to rip this toilet off
give me a persuasion check
oh god damn it
besuade me
nine that's good enough right
no
what number what's the number is good enough because i got 11 and that wasn't good enough
which is not trying to
i'm not trying to say
i'm actually
it depends on the
the scenario
if it's some if it's something easy
then it would be a five
if it's if you're trying to
let's just say shoot a dime out of the air with a bow and arrow
you're gonna have to get like an 18 or 19
maybe you
i see
you know what i mean
so it depends on the situation
okay
i was i was genuinely like
because i thought it was like over like eight was good
under eight was bad or something like that
yeah
no it depends on how hard it is
i see
so apparently this was hard
oh we're fucked
all right well i didn't persuade you to stop
monkeying around with the bow
so so now what
so
boo give me a
strength check
regular or normal
yeah
it wasn't a one
you are not able to
the phone does not help pry it off
but it does not
i hate this
i hate this bar
that's both in character and out of character
it's just the pain of my existence
dad would you listen to me
just grab onto the toilet
and let's pull it off of the wall
with our
hands
all right
hands
we'll do it together
all right
folks you give me a strength check
oh god
fuck's sake
oh
all right
uh
do
do we do we do
here's
cure side of the toilet becomes a lot more loose than uh summers
all right
it's coming
keep pulling
a little bit of water starts trickling out
all right
we almost got it
let's
we're gonna rip this toilet off the wall
this is gonna be the best thing we've done this entire
this entire game
we're gonna work
we're finally
we're finally working together summer hold my hand
we're gonna do it again we're gonna give one more pull
we're finally gonna fill this place with sewage just raw sewage
it's gonna be great
we're gonna do it together
for a million years
all right
do i just do another strength check
yeah both of you do another strength check
very cool
we're gonna do it this time i have a good feeling
i don't
all right
oh yeah
it doesn't budge
whoa
all right i guess this plan doesn't work either
so
let's go out and come up with a new plan
all right i hate this toilet
i kick it
yeah i didn't like this toilet anyway
i kick it again
and i fall over
one strain
all right
so this is what men's bathrooms are like huh
oh it's awful
it is
there's
there's the dress down the stall
there's another man crying
really
yeah
let's talk to him
all right
do you want me to take the lead
oh i can't talk to him
he's heard me cry
i know but i
not supposed to be here
i'm a teenage woman
honey this is a murder bar
nobody cares anymore
we're all dead
all right
i softly knock on the stall door
you don't get a response
i pound on the stall door
no response
hey there
i reach my hand
on the door saying
hey buddy
are you okay
hey how's it going buddy
what is it
how are you
all right let's
kick this fucking door open
i kicked the door in
give me a performance check
oh what
performance check
performance
what is that
oh yeah
oh
yeah
suck it
you successfully
kicked the door open
uh-huh
and it was just a pair of shoes
it's just a pair of boots
with some leg bones
sticking out of it
why
why would that be
and why was it crying
are you asking me
yeah i know
i'm asking the air
like what
i mean if god hears it
so be it
but
fuck like why
what was it
just bones
just bones and boots
why
this place
fucking sucks
all right
i'm leaving this bathroom
that's fine
i hate this place too
we're leaving
so you go join the uh
yeah i give up
i'm going to lay down
i'm tired
i've cried
i've pulled on a toilet
i bonded with my daughter
for a hot second
and it didn't get me anywhere
just like in real life
i'm gonna go lay down
and just wait
all right
so you got about
nine hours
fantastic
uh
i'm
just
kind of standing there
not really sure
what to do at this point
kind of wandering around
um
is
layla
anywhere
hey
where is layla
okay so
she comes back
over to the table
uh
hey layla
what can i do
for you
well um
how are you doing
on that yeast
i told you
we're out
i know
that you're not
you're holding on
i'm
telling you
we are
what do you
even have
what
do you
want
potato skins
we don't
have those
i thought
this was a
shenanigans
no
this is frankie freems
frankie
notoriously famous
for running out of food
do you have a blooming onion
we're gonna die here
this place is awful
i hate it
we
we have onions
yeah
are they cooked
they can be
are they fun-ions
or are they just fun onions
well what onion is a fun
i can think of a few
not here at frankie freems
all right then bring
bring me your
finest
the finest onions
please
do you want them cooked
yes
how would you like them cooked
just
with respect
yes
please
okay
and she goes off
to
to the kitchen
what about
um
the
oh the beaver
is he
is he around
he was
yeah
oh yeah
billy beaver
yeah billy
billy beaver
i like to call him
but he's
he's on the
the uh
the stage playing
uh washboard
some spoons
oh
uh
can we
i don't know
what to do
um
although so
are there animatronics
here
yeah
layla's the server
and everyone
all the other ones
are playing
out of
in a band
if we were to
attack them
would they be
would that be
fruitless
it would
immediately
start the
slaughter fest
all right
let's start
the slaughter
fest
what
uh
how
how should we
start the
slaughter fest
i say
just throw a
bottle at
the one
all right
i'm throwing
a bottle
at the one
which one
i don't care
anymore
i'm doing it
too
i'm just
gonna throw
it at the
stage
i come
out from
the underneath
the table
and i whip
a chair
and i immediately
go back
underneath the
table
oh
okay
roll for
initiation
we're gonna
die
that's pretty
good
someone wrote
rolled a 20
i hope it
was boo
it was boo
oh
wonderful
so it is
billy beaver's
turn
never heard of
him
oh billy
beaver i like
to call him
i thought
boo
rolled the
20
we had
two 20s
yeah
unfunny
believable
let's see
yeah
um
that doesn't
make sense
at all
andy
oh
yes
i think
we're
getting
close
to
break
okay
right
yeah
we're
pretty
close
and
overrule
me
if
you
want
can
we
just
get
can you
just
describe
a scene
in which
everyone
gets
slaughtered
because
i don't
want to
really go
through all
the mechanics
of losing
yeah
there's
no way
we're
going to
win
without
the advantage
i was
going to
suggest
that too
okay
um
so yeah
let's just
call it a
walk or
call it over
yeah
but
can you
i would
like some
some color
about what
what happened
so after
the bottle
got
the bottle
smashed
on the
stage
is that okay
with you
boo
i'm out
of ideas
my best
idea
and creative
my best
idea was
the robot
idea and it
got downhill
from there
all right
so after
the bottle
smashes
on stage
the uh
and the
chair
and the
chair
sorry
the uh
buster the
bear lets
out a
giant roar
and layla
comes running
out from the
kitchen
with onions
with a
big
pitcher
of onions
of bubbling
yeast
fryer oil
hot
i said
bubbling
so yes
i could be
bubbling
with cold
and she
goes here's
your goddamn
onions and
throws it
on you
and then
her her
first her
on her
finger her
first uh
knuckle flaps
open and
lights you guys
on fire
and we burn
alive
you burn
alive
both of us
both of you
what about
everyone else
presumably they
died somehow
they die
yeah they
they get
slaughtered
my god
this place
is terrible
especially
because they
have no
appetizers
so you
want to
take the
break and
come back
yes i
might not
come back
i might
stay dead
this time
remember
that
oil
and you
alive
yeah and
is flammable
i feel like
uh we're
getting somewhere
all right
i feel like
that was an
improvement
it was a
fruit it was
a fruitful
death
it was a
fruitful death
uh
but a lot
faster than
the last one
well only
because we
skipped the
we did
skip
yeah
murder
all the
motor
all the
motor
oops
All right.
You got your gruel?
Cheerios.
Oh.
All right.
You guys want to discuss this go around?
You talking about us three or like in character?
Either or?
You wake up back at the booth?
All right.
Out of character.
I'm just going to say I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing.
I kind of have ideas.
All right.
So before you give us any hints, Andy, can I go?
Yeah.
Okay.
So I guess it's a little bit meta.
I'm going to try not to be too meta, but I don't think there's a trick to it.
There's not, I don't think that there's like a puzzle or like a, I don't know.
I don't think there's a trick to it.
It's not a puzzle, right, Andy?
It's not a puzzle.
Not exactly.
All right.
So.
It's, think of it more like an escape room.
Well, that's a, that's literally a puzzle.
I think that's a bad idea.
Okay.
But let me finish.
Okay.
There are things in a restaurant that can help you fight.
Well, we know toilets are not one of them.
So use them.
And I know it's probably easier for me to say this since I've worked in kitchens.
I currently work in a kitchen.
So I know what kind of things can be used as weapons.
Yeah.
But not necessarily weapons against.
Okay.
All right.
Can I go back to character?
Yeah.
All right.
So.
How do you think that went?
Um.
A little better than last time.
I was less boring than last time, I guess.
Yeah.
I mean, didn't die from its suffocating.
You know.
Just died.
Yeah.
Fire.
Yeah.
I didn't see that coming.
That was terrible.
Yeah.
But I think maybe there's some silver linings here.
Nope.
Okay.
Well.
I throw a bottle at the stage again.
I'm sitting at.
Jerry's sitting at the bar eating a bowl of cereal that he found underneath the bar.
I'm like, nope.
Door fog.
No.
All right, dad.
I know that's your natural position to just give up.
And eat Cheerios.
I know that's your happy-ish place.
Um.
But I think maybe there's some good things here.
One.
Well, we learned don't throw a bottle at the stage or a chair.
I'm not sure which one sent him over the edge.
But, um.
Yeah, maybe let's not.
It could have been either.
I'm not going to say it was the chair's fault or the glasses.
Maybe it was.
We don't know.
You want to try it again?
Um.
I heard something in school where they said something like the definition of craziness
is doing the same thing twice and hoping something different would happen.
That's public school for you.
Yeah.
It was on a poster, actually.
One of those motivational posters.
What was the picture of it?
It was a sailboat, which I thought was strange.
I didn't really see the connection.
Maybe they're not connected.
Okay.
Oh, it's stupid.
I wouldn't.
Drilling wouldn't work then.
I see.
It's literally what they do every day until they get somewhere.
I see you're in a mood.
Yep.
Give me a perception check.
Wait.
Hold on.
Can I would like to.
Can before.
I would like to.
I would like to say some things that I noticed.
Okay.
Um.
About what happened last time.
Okay.
And then.
Can I.
I mean, if you want me to do the perception now.
No.
Go ahead.
Okay.
So.
We learned.
Don't throw a glass or a chair at state.
On the stage.
That would really piss them off.
But what else did we learn?
Oh.
The toilet is really secure to the wall.
We learned that too.
Perhaps.
Oh.
Craig.
No.
They got Craig too.
No.
They turned on their own kind.
The robots.
Bro.
Bot.
Schedule maintenance.
Oh.
We won't be able to record the rest of it then?
No.
I have other ways to record it.
Oh.
Right.
Um.
Tiger's been recording us three different ways since we started this thing.
Because Craig is unreliant.
Yeah.
That's why.
Two of them audio.
One of them video.
I bet.
I know it's kind of bad but I'd rather take Brian over Craig.
Why would they have scheduled maintenance at nine o'clock on it?
Okay.
So.
All right.
We learned.
Don't throw a glass.
Hand or a chair.
Maybe both.
At the stage.
Bad idea.
But from every bad idea comes a good idea.
I think is also on a poster I saw.
Remember how we died.
Fire.
And how did they get that fire?
Did you see that she had the pitcher full of.
Fire.
Fire juice.
Kind of.
What was it again?
I thought it was.
I thought it was onions.
No.
I think it may have onions in it which would explain the smell.
But it was probably mostly.
Various types of saturated fats and trans oils.
All that good stuff.
So.
They must have oil in the back.
That.
If they could use it for fire.
Then we could use it for fire.
Although.
They did show a certain impervious to fire.
When I set the.
Fort on fire.
That I built.
But maybe.
They'll be weak to grease fires.
What was your fort called?
Fort.
Fort kick ass.
And.
You're a bad father for not remembering.
Oh.
I just remember it burning down.
It went really fast.
We died pretty fast.
Um.
Unrelated.
And.
All right.
So I learned this.
Um.
I talked to that family over there.
Um.
The soccer moms.
Um.
One.
They're sisters.
And.
Uh.
Two.
They hate me.
But three.
They died.
Via pizza shovel.
So there's a pizza shovel back there.
We could probably get that.
And do some havoc.
Right.
Um.
What else?
Oh.
That boy.
Liked my butt.
My new butt.
I feel like we really hit it off.
I'm not sure if.
We could use his.
Young.
Strapping body.
To help us.
And so.
My God.
Summer.
That muscular.
Muscular boy.
Uh.
I bet he could.
Uh.
And then I just trail off for a second.
Um.
I.
He could probably help us.
Um.
That is the extent of my observations from.
The last.
Slaughterfest.
The last.
Slaughterfest.
Now give me a perception check.
All right.
Great.
Five.
My favorite.
All right.
You notice out of the side of your eyes.
Out of the corner of your eye.
That uh.
That young strapping redhead.
Is coming up.
To your table.
Who?
Dead.
Be cool.
For the love.
Yeah.
No.
You've never been cool before.
Be cool.
Now.
I need it.
So bad.
Slaughter.
I'm a grown man.
Eating Cheerios at a bar.
I'm the epitome of cool.
I hate you.
So much.
Yeah.
And he walks up at that.
That.
I'm the epitome of cool line.
For eating cereal at a bar.
That is.
Let's be honest.
Probably soaked with tears.
The bar.
Or the cereal.
The cereal.
That's what we in the business call a misplaced modifier.
Thank you.
What business?
Uh.
English.
Ah.
The English business.
Yes.
It's lucrative.
Gotcha.
Okay.
So he comes up.
And he hears that and goes.
And starts to turn away.
Wait.
Come back.
Me?
Yeah.
Oh.
Okay.
Don't you want to talk to me?
And I flip my hair.
Um.
Not with this weird guy sitting around.
Dad.
Don't you have a bathroom to go?
Take your Cheerios into the bathroom and go eat them in there.
Gladly.
I storm off eating Cheerios into the bathroom.
And by the way.
They're frosted.
They're frosted Cheerios?
Yeah.
No one asked.
Did you not know in real life?
Did you not know there's frosted Cheerios?
Uh.
I guess I know Honey Nut Cheerios.
Oh.
Dude.
Yeah.
I didn't know about Frosted.
I'm about to blow your mind.
Try Frosted Cheerios.
I don't think so.
Yeah.
I know.
I'm not a big fan of fun.
Okay.
So.
Frosted Cheerios.
It's so goddamn fun.
I don't know.
You look like you're having a ball.
Okay.
While he's eating them in the bathroom?
Yeah.
Okay.
So the guy.
The strapping young man sits down next to you.
What's that?
That was the chair.
The bar stool squeaks.
But I'm at a booth.
Yeah.
That's weird, isn't it?
That bar stool over there squeaked.
Oh.
I really hope that didn't come up on the recording.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, he didn't.
I heard it over here.
Thank God.
So he goes, he starts talking to Summer and goes, so you guys died really quick that time.
Wait, he sat down on what side?
Opposite of you.
Okay.
I go, so you guys died really fast that last time.
I didn't get your name.
Pretty brutal.
My name is Brimble.
Brimble.
You don't look like a Brimble.
I get that a lot.
What do I look like that?
Tad.
No, I think I'll stick with Brimble.
I like Tad.
Tad.
Okay.
I mean.
It rhymes with dad.
I have no issues with my father or anyone else, even if the dad does rhyme with dad.
Don't know.
Last time you did go running into the bathroom to save him.
I don't know what that was about.
I don't think I want to know what that's about.
It was not Cheerios related.
That raises more questions.
That's what you're wondering.
I wasn't.
Raises more questions.
Hey.
All right, honey.
I'm sorry.
I derailed us.
What were you saying?
Brimble.
Sweet Brimble.
So you guys died really quick.
It was, uh, it killed me on the inside a little bit.
Oh, it killed me on the outside and the inside.
It was very painful.
Please don't make me relive watching you be burnt to a crisp with onions.
It smelled really good.
I'm just going to throw that out there.
I don't want to, I don't want to have any secrets between us.
It smelled fantastic.
Onions and burnt summer.
Oh, this is awkward.
Yeah.
It's, uh, it is.
But anyway, as I was saying, um, that fire you guys went through.
Yeah.
It hurt.
Yeah.
I, I, I'm sure it did.
But the robots end up walking through it to get to those triplets over there.
Great.
He points, he points behind them.
So they're impervious to fire.
Can I finish my story?
Okay.
Sorry.
They walked through the fire to the triplets.
Yes.
To the triplets.
But after getting to the fire, there was noticeably some damage to them.
Okay.
Like it really slowed them down and you can tell that they were not moving as quick as
they, they would before.
So weak to grease fires.
Impervious to fort fires.
I don't, I'm just talking out loud.
Sorry.
I was just, I was just talking to myself.
I don't, that was weird.
Did you hear that?
Did I say that out loud?
I don't really know the difference.
I'm just a lowly plumber.
So I, I know nothing.
I know exactly the opposite of fires.
A plumber.
Cause I got some pipe laid.
Um, it's a little soon for that.
Oh no, me too.
I was just, it was a test.
You passed.
I'm sorry.
I don't, uh, good job.
Uh, weird.
Is it hot in here?
You doing great, honey.
Hold on.
Oh, there's no, um, yeah.
Give me a deception check.
A deception.
Uh-huh.
There, 11.
That's pretty good.
All right.
I guess I'll just accept the, or I guess you were just joking that.
Yeah, no, it's awkward.
Teenage, teen, teenage years.
It's a tough time.
Wait, how old are you?
18 for sure.
At least 18 or 19.
Yep.
Uh, oh yeah.
Do you?
I, oh yeah.
Yep.
Boy, I guess.
How old are you?
You don't give me another deception check.
Wait, you, no, wait, hold on.
We don't know that I'm lying.
Yeah, we do.
You have stated previously that you were 17.
Wait, hold on.
But what state is this?
This is not, I think Boo's right.
This is the sort of thing that is probably what we should be avoiding.
Yeah.
I didn't say.
No, boy, no.
But you rightly said this is the sort of thing that they teach in GM classes that makes people feel uncomfortable.
Thank God we're brothers and best friends.
And that's right.
Yeah, you're right.
We should go deeper.
Show me your butt.
Yes.
He goes, because I'm only 17.
Oh, that's weird.
Me too.
I was, I know I messed up.
Yeah.
Screw up the math.
It's weird.
No, I was born on like a leap.
Month.
So like, yeah, sometimes it drops a year, but really, yeah, no, I'm 17 too.
And if you, if, if we ever fell in love, it'd be okay.
That's all I'm saying.
Late month.
Okay.
And I know what you're thinking.
17 year old and a plumber already, but I'm kind of like a prodigy.
It's not what I was thinking.
I was lost in your muzzles.
My muzzles?
Yeah.
Your muzzles?
Yeah.
That too.
Yeah.
Okay.
Cool.
I'm going to, I have to go to the bathroom.
No, you don't.
Are you going to the correct bathroom?
No, I'm going into the, I'm going to go.
Are you going to, are you going to go save your dad eating Cheerios?
Is that, is he saying that to me?
Yeah.
No, I totally, totally have to take a wicked, wicked piss.
See ya.
Okay.
And then he just gets up and walks back to the, uh, wicked piss.
The back to his table, but he turns around and goes, uh, just so you know, I'm going to
talk to them about maybe us joining forces.
Oh, great.
Um, all right.
I think I can convince them.
And I give you a very awkward, like thumbs up and get her away.
He, he gives one back and just turns around and walks away.
All right.
And then I walk towards the bathroom and I look like, I try to make it look like I'm walking
towards the women's bathroom, but I make like a hard right into the men's bathroom.
Okay.
And I, I go into a stall and I see bones and boots.
And I was like, Oh shit, this is the wrong one.
And then I go into, and I, I try to go into the other stall and it's locked.
Dead.
What?
Is this your stall?
Yes.
Let me in.
Honey, this is not a good time.
No, it's a fine.
What?
I, your father had to use it.
I can hear the bowl clinking.
Are you still have the bowl in there?
Yes.
The Cheerio bowl?
I, I, I, I had to use the toilet.
And eat?
I put, honey, where was I supposed to put this?
If I put it down, someone else would eat my Cheerios.
I guess.
Yeah.
But do you have to keep eating it?
No.
All right.
Well, uh, should I leave until it's a good time?
No.
I, I flush.
I open the door.
What, honey?
Welcome to my sanctum sanctorum.
Um, good news and better news.
Tad.
Yeah.
I think, I think he likes me.
God.
Yeah.
So, uh, totally hit it off.
Um, he's also a plumber.
So, could totally take care of me.
He's an upstanding citizen.
Um, I think he might be right for me.
Mariam.
What?
Mariam.
Uh.
He's a bonded plumber.
Mariam.
Well, I don't know that he's bonded.
Good enough for me.
That means, hey, bring him in here.
Let's see if we can get this toilet off the wall.
He would stand a better chance than we did, probably.
Yes, absolutely.
Now, I know, I know, I know what you're thinking to yourself.
He's only 17.
How can he be a plumber?
The answer is, I don't know.
But he probably has his reasons.
All right.
Cool.
All right.
Well.
Very good.
All right.
Well.
Oh.
And he said fire.
Fire.
Yes.
The robots hate fire.
Well, good.
So.
Good.
Very good.
We could use that.
Do you have any fire-related spells?
Or are they only ice spells?
I have one thing called burning hand.
Ah.
Yes.
Burning hand.
I don't remember what it does.
Oh, no.
It's a hand of fire, probably.
I think it's a ribbon of fire.
You should call it burning ribbon, then.
As you hold your hands and thumbs touching and fingers spread, a thin sheet of flame shoot out forth from your outstretched fingertips.
Like this?
Extend all the rest of your fingers.
Yes.
That's every magic.
Oh, no.
It's like this.
Wait.
No.
Like this.
That one.
Yeah.
But turn sideways.
Yeah.
Because it's a sheet of fire.
So it's like that.
Yeah.
Don't fuck it up.
Oh, my God.
We're going to die.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
We're going to die at least three or four more times.
We'll fucking die.
Okay.
But I think we can work with that.
Oh, Dad.
Dad, shut up.
We're going to do this.
No.
I can't live here forever.
There's a knock on the door.
Oh, what door?
And I jump into the stall.
The outside bathroom door.
Dad, Dad.
Be cool.
And I jump into the stall.
Close it.
And I jump onto the toilet so that my feet cannot be seen.
Hi, y'all.
This is just Layla just checking out.
I'm seeing.
Oh, way.
What's going on?
Violent.
We got to.
I know how you like your onions.
So I put a pitcher of oil and onion on your table.
For you.
To save you the hassle.
Because the last couple of times I asked you what you needed.
You asked me a bunch of questions.
It felt awkward.
And I just skipped all of that.
Still no yeast.
Why?
Why is she checking in on a men's bathroom?
Why is she asking about the yeast?
Because I ordered it.
Thank you.
Wait.
So is there yeast?
All right, honey.
Just take your time.
Don't let that oil get too cold.
Goodbye.
And she walks away.
All right.
Well, your plumber friend, can he save us?
Oh, he can save me from loneliness.
Oh, my God.
Because you know why?
I think you should go after him.
Because you know what?
You already said I should marry him.
I knew a plumber once, and he saved everybody.
You need to do it.
Are you referring to Mario?
Yes.
Summer would not have said that.
But...
All right.
Save Mario.
I'm going to...
So I jump off of the toilet.
I don't know what I was standing on.
I'm on the ground.
I said, Dad, I think we're going to do this.
All right.
Well...
Cool.
All right.
Give me an acrobatics check.
You...
As you're jumping off the toilet.
I mean, I'm not being that acrobatic.
No.
But as you're jumping down, you accidentally kick one of the leg bones and boots over.
Uh-huh.
And when do snakes come out?
No.
Okay.
What comes out?
It's...
A gun?
Actually...
A minigun?
Flameshawker.
A minigun?
No.
RPG.
It's this little...
A minigun?
It's this little canister...
Of?
Of propane.
That you use for, like, uh...
Camp grills.
Okay.
I can work with this.
All right.
Cool.
I feel like fire is the vector by which we will win the day.
Fire!
That's wrong!
You got it upside down!
No, that...
Fire!
You can't...
As you know, you can't, uh...
Have fire be upside down.
What?
No.
You can't hit fire be upside down.
Oh, sure.
In space.
Okay.
So, I grab this propane tank.
And, uh...
I walk out...
Of the bathroom.
Are the robots sitting...
Are they all together up at the front of the stage?
Four of them are on the stage.
Layla's walking around tending tables.
All right.
What if...
Okay.
Sidebar.
What if...
With whom?
You.
Am I still in the bathroom?
Or are we out of here?
Summer him or Tiger him?
Some...
Both.
At the same time.
No, it's got to be one or the other.
Because Summer already walked out.
Oh.
Well, I can come back.
If you yelled for me.
Or...
Or he can leave.
She...
No.
Or Boo...
Or Ari...
Or Kier can walk out of the bathroom.
I'm Ari.
Jerry walks out of the bathroom.
I know.
So, I change it to Kier.
Throw it at...
Throw the...
So, throw the propane at...
And I'll blast it with the fire.
Okay.
Wait.
Right now?
I mean...
It's as good as time as any.
All right.
Uh...
I would like to...
Roll the canister...
Underneath...
The jug playing band.
Okay.
Then give me...
Uh...
If you're gonna roll it...
It's kind of like bowling.
Give me an athletics check.
Uh...
One...
Thing...
That I'm thinking.
Okay.
It...
I'm trying to be sneaky.
Is there a sneaking thing?
Or...
That doesn't fit here.
Um...
I...
You don't necessarily...
Have to be sneaky.
Well, I'm trying to...
I'm trying to roll it...
They're really...
I'm trying to roll it...
In a way that they don't...
Notice.
I guess I'm not trying to game it that I'm...
Because I'm not more proficient in stealth than I am at...
I mean...
What's the other one?
Athletics?
Because...
I guess I'm more proficient in athletics.
If you want to...
You can...
Just set it on the stage.
I don't want to roll it.
It's that...
Okay, then...
I want to roll it under them.
Because, like...
I...
I see what you're saying.
But I want it to...
I want to roll it.
I'm going to...
Yeah.
All right.
It's...
It's going to be athletics.
All right.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
Oh, 13.
Okay.
What'd you get...
Oh, okay.
So you roll it right under...
Right between the...
Like, so you get the...
You have the two of them, like, in the back.
Yeah.
It rolls right in front of those two.
Wait, there's two in the back and two in the front?
Yeah.
Kind of like how...
Like, you...
Did you see it?
Oh, okay.
It's kind of like a U.
Yeah.
Like a...
Like a band.
I can see...
I can see it being laid out like that.
Okay.
I just wasn't sure if Layla was one of those.
But she's...
No.
Layla is the ghoul up here moving.
Oh, Layla is a ghoul?
I thought she was a lizard.
Ghoul.
Well, she is a lizard, but...
A ghoulish lizard?
I tried to change the picture.
It didn't take.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Sorry.
It's just that...
Her character sheet is a ghoul.
Ah.
So she's the one attending tables.
Dad.
Yes.
Did you see?
Look at...
I'm pointing over.
Did you see my roll?
Oh, there it is.
Are you...
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Fire.
Wow.
I thought you were going to say Ray of Rust.
Fire.
Can you do fire?
I'm going to try.
I got to get real close, though.
So I don't miss.
So I sashay over.
Hold on.
You don't have to get very close.
What if he wants to?
Because your burning hands,
it's a 15-foot cone of fire.
Can I do...
Can I sashay closer?
If I understood what sashay meant,
then maybe.
Oh, I'm sure there's...
I'm sure there's a gift for it.
And the gift master will deliver.
Don't worry.
It's...
I mean, I only know the culinary thing for sashay, so...
You're going to do that.
Yeah.
All the way over.
You guys never seen anybody sashay over?
No.
No, I know.
I...
Yeah, I'm familiar with sashay.
And I know you're going to give us a gift later of what sashay means.
All right.
Okay.
So you sashay over.
Now you're going to make you do a check on that.
And...
Wait.
On the stage?
What's the check?
Wait.
Where are you sashaying to?
I'm not going to make you do a check.
Oh, I'm just going closer to the stage.
Okay.
So I...
Not on the stage.
Yeah, not on the stage.
I just want to make sure I don't...
I know you said I wouldn't miss, but I want to make sure I don't miss.
Because that sounds like something that would happen.
Because we keep getting roll rolls on the stage.
He's not wrong.
No?
All right.
So I hit it with a...
Then I do a little dance.
And then I hit it with burning hands.
You got it upside down again.
No, you don't.
No, that's correct.
Summer, go grab that...
Go grab a chair to hit the lizard lady.
Grab the plumber.
Got it.
Yeah, grab the plumber.
So...
What is...
Ooh, roll a d20.
What was that number again?
Is it R slash?
Slash R space 1d20.
Okay.
So you successfully hit the container.
With fire?
Yes.
Because I don't know how you can miss.
It's a 15-foot cone.
Can I grab a pizza shovel?
It's too late.
Oh, shit.
Then roll 3d6s.
Me?
No.
That makes more sense.
Yes.
Yes, it does.
That was pretty good.
14.
3d6.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, the 14 is what I need.
Well, you said roll 3d6s.
You did roll 3d6s the first time.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you meant roll 3d6s.
No.
Maybe you should, though.
Hold on.
You didn't do anything wrong.
I just got to check.
I'm not sure if the hit points changed back.
Are you talking?
I mean, we started.
I'm speaking out loud.
Do you want a response?
Yeah.
Didn't we start every cycle through with full hit points?
Yes, but I don't know if I changed one of the characters back.
Because it seems awfully low.
Well, they should have full two, right?
Or no, they don't.
They should, yes.
But I don't know if I readjusted them.
Oh.
Okay.
We're good.
They're all dead.
And she was clear.
Okay.
And then the bomb exploded.
Oh.
Private.
Oh, you can see that?
No.
Privately rolled some dice.
So I can't see.
We can't see the.
The value.
Okay.
Why don't you just tell us the value?
All right.
So after the explosion, the smoke clears and everything.
The.
Who was that?
Piggy wiggle butt.
Animatronic is just laying on the floor.
Dead.
Right.
He's just laying there.
And then.
Roll for initiative.
Maybe it'll come to the negotiating table.
Great.
Okay.
So you guys both.
Okay.
So.
The.
Boo.
Since you.
Sauntered over.
Or whatever you say.
Sashayed.
You sashayed over.
I'm putting you closer to the stage.
Okay.
Makes sense.
Right?
Yeah.
Okay.
To me anyway.
Yeah.
So then the owl bear.
I'm sorry.
That's his name.
Billy Beaver.
Yeah.
Beaver.
Billy Beave.
We call him.
Yeah.
Billy the Beave.
No.
Not Billy the Beave.
Just Billy Beave.
Billy the Beave boy.
The Beave by Bo.
Yeah.
The Beave.
Billy the Beave boy.
The Beave by Bo.
Walks up.
And attacks.
Attacks.
Cure.
No he doesn't.
Oh.
But he does.
No he doesn't.
Oh no.
He didn't.
He better not.
I'll be pissed.
I don't need this.
I'm on my shit right now.
So he.
He.
Oh.
That.
That would.
Eleven.
Does that hit your.
Your attack.
Or your.
Yeah.
Your armor class.
Armor class is 15.
That seems really high.
But okay.
It just said.
If it.
Yeah.
It could.
Here's the funny you say that.
My notes for last time.
It says 15 AC.
Now.
Andy changed his mind.
Yeah.
Because.
I think.
What happened was.
I got yours.
And Tiger's.
Um.
Armor class mixed up.
So you got the plus three.
Because you got that special.
Cape.
I think.
Or robe.
Okay.
So he.
He misses.
It's not the buster.
That'd be the buster.
It's not.
Not the buster.
All right.
So it is Layla's turn.
And she is within.
Distance.
She is within distance.
Of.
Ari.
So then.
She moves.
And attacks.
Ari.
Wait.
That's me.
Yes.
That is.
Good job.
Oh.
Shit.
Hey.
Cure.
Yes.
That fire thing.
The fire ribbon.
Yes.
Cantrip.
No.
Uh oh.
Oh yeah.
You got to take one away for that.
I did.
Okay.
I marked it down.
Oh shit.
Cantrip.
No.
And swipes with her claws at you.
She has claws?
I thought she was a lizard.
I'm sorry.
Don't lizards have claws?
No.
I heard she was a goblin.
Um.
So 15.
I forgot to add the plus one.
15.
Or plus.
Plus number.
Sorry.
15 damage?
So do I.
No.
15.
Against your armor class.
Oh okay.
My armor is.
Uh.
I think it's 14.
Unless I had.
Anything that added to it.
Which I don't know.
But let's go with 14.
No.
You have 15.
I have 15?
Yeah.
And Ty goes to the runner.
Right?
Ty.
No.
We had this discussion all the time.
I think.
I know.
Ty goes to the attacker.
Except in this case.
No.
Alright.
So that means.
So then you have to roll for damage.
Yes.
Oh.
How do I get 15?
I better rate this down.
Keep it.
So doing four points of damage.
On me?
Yes.
Four?
Yeah.
I already took it out of your.
I just want to write it down too.
Alright.
And then.
Boo.
It's your turn.
Alright.
Um.
Uh.
Ray of Frost.
Oh.
Of course.
Ray of Frost.
If only we had a broken toilet.
First.
Uh.
Whoever's in front of me.
Billy Beav.
Yeah.
Sorry.
It says Owl Bear.
Yeah.
I know.
It caught on.
Owl Bear.
The.
The Beav.
No.
Billy Beav.
Just Billy Beav.
Billy the Beav Boy.
You'd read my soul.
You'd get stuck in your head for a while.
I want to get lost in your rock and roll.
Um.
Billy the Beav.
Alright.
Roll a d20.
Okay.
It told you right.
Good thing you're really close to the stage.
Right.
Uh.
You.
You miss.
I'm really close.
You miss.
You roll a six.
You miss.
Uh.
It is.
Summer's turn.
Alright.
Um.
I would like.
To go to my grease.
Picture.
That.
Layla gave to me.
Okay.
Can I?
You can.
Okay.
Um.
What.
Penalty do I get for doing that?
You can make it there.
Okay.
As.
Your one action.
Okay.
And then I get.
An attack too.
You.
Well.
You can attack.
But.
You just have the picture.
Well.
That's what I want to do.
Like.
Okay.
So.
What do you want to do?
Well.
What I would like to do.
Is use.
That.
Picture.
Like.
As a weapon.
So.
Ideally.
I would like to.
Dump it on something.
And then light it on fire.
And.
Burn them.
You're not.
You.
You're not going to be able to light it on fire.
So that would be too many actions.
Yeah.
It would be too many actions.
So you can go and pick up the picture.
Yeah.
And end your turn.
Okay.
If you want.
But you're not.
You're not going to be able to go.
Get the picture.
And then dump.
Or.
You're not going to be able to get the picture.
Dump it.
And light it on fire.
Going to get the picture and dump.
Yeah.
All right.
Well.
Then I'm going to do that.
On to.
Okay.
Layla.
On to Layla.
Okay.
Now it is.
It's the over.
Okay.
Oh.
Tommy Tito's turn.
Tito.
Tommy Tito.
Tito.
In drift away.
So he's going to use.
Webby hands.
Against.
Cure.
Why does he have to come after me?
What did I do to him?
You ate all his Cheerios.
Oh yeah.
Oh.
He misses.
Oh.
He misses.
After that.
It is.
Tommy Tito.
Toad.
It is.
Buster the Bear.
And he is also going to.
Attack here.
Oh.
Come on guys.
Let's just.
You know.
Come on.
I'm.
I'm all stringy.
Just leave me alone.
You're all stringy?
Stringy.
You know.
They're not going to eat you.
Oh.
Well.
I thought that would help.
They're robots.
Dancing robots.
All right.
Dancing robots.
All right.
So he connects with that.
Doing six points of damage.
Now it is.
Summer's turn.
No.
The Beav's turn.
Never heard of her.
And the Beav.
Is going to take a swipe.
Now.
I mean.
Jerry you're fucked.
You got three of them.
With the beak.
The Beav is going to.
Should never move so close to the stage.
Yeah.
Oh well.
I hate this guy.
We should have just played Racket League.
An 11 does not hit you.
Correct?
No.
Your armor class is too high.
Yeah.
It's a 15.
All right.
It is.
Layla's turn.
She.
Goes to.
Bite.
Summer.
That's me.
Yes.
Yes it is.
Okay.
Yes.
Two.
So 12 does not hit you.
So she misses.
She's also covered in grease.
I don't know if you mentioned.
She is covered in fryer oil.
And.
Here.
It is your turn.
All right.
How many people are around me?
All three of these guys?
Three of them.
Yeah.
I.
Go invisible.
I don't.
This light makes me look like super surprised when I look over.
All right.
All invisibility.
Right?
Yeah.
Invisibility.
I thought that's right.
Yeah.
Also when he goes invisible.
If.
He goes invisible.
It would.
It might make a spark.
Probably.
Maybe.
Maybe start a fire.
Are these guys still covering the grease?
Are they going to start on fire again?
They were not.
There's no grease on those.
Okay.
Well,
they were fucked.
Billy the beef boy.
The beef boy.
Bo.
Okay.
So.
Billy the beef boys.
Beave my beef.
So stupid.
Billy the beef boy.
The beef.
My beef.
You want to be.
Want to get stuck in your rock and roll.
And be the way.
Oh.
Okay.
So you turn invisible.
Oh.
Did you have to look that up?
I wanted to make sure you didn't have to roll for it.
Oh.
Super invisible.
Super fucking runaway.
Yeah.
But now you can't do anything.
Summer.
It's your turn.
That's me.
What is.
Brimble doing?
He's just standing there.
Watching.
Just watching.
I would like.
Yeah.
I would like to get him engaged.
Somehow.
Okay.
How are you going to do that?
I can only think of.
Immature things to say.
Little bean boy.
I.
Can I yell to him.
In an inspiring way.
Or show him my tits.
That was what I was going to say first.
That was immature.
You should probably not do that.
No.
Yeah.
I just want him to do anything.
Except watch.
I mean.
You can't just like.
Show him your tits.
And expect him to jump into.
Action.
You have to tell him.
He is a 17 year old boy.
He will do anything for tits.
That he will go to the bathroom.
Sorry.
Not getting into it.
All right.
Yeah.
Fine.
So.
But.
Okay.
So I would like to get him into the battle.
I don't know how to get him into the battle.
Can someone help me?
You.
You can scream to him.
Okay.
I could yell to him like a damsel in distress.
Yes.
You can do that.
Uh.
I.
Hope.
It.
Would.
Attract him into the battle.
Or you.
Can't tell him what to do.
I don't even know what to tell him what to do.
Like.
Uh.
All right.
What.
Would I tell him.
I mean.
All I would say was yell attack.
But.
I don't have like a specific thing to tell him to do.
My dad just went invisible.
Uh.
This woman is.
Full of grease.
I mean.
I'm going.
Like.
So.
I could tell him to.
Like.
Light the grease on fire.
Okay.
But.
I don't know how he's going to do that.
I would say.
Hey.
Brimble.
My boy.
I wouldn't say that.
I'd say.
Hey.
Brimble.
Light her up.
And hope she would do like a cool movie thing.
Or he would do a cool movie thing.
Okay.
He rolled very poorly.
Well.
Just for initiative.
But.
Yeah.
So.
He's going to have to wait his turn to do something.
All right.
That's my turn.
Okay.
So.
Tommy T.
It is Tommy T-Tone's turn.
Toad's turn.
And after his prey.
Disappears.
He just starts walking towards summer.
Oh.
Cool.
Same thing with the bug bear.
Just starts walking towards summer.
Now.
It is Brimble's turn.
Brimble.
Seven.
Actually.
That's not what I wanted.
Yeah.
You want him to roll higher.
No.
That's not what I meant.
That's what I meant.
Okay.
But that one.
Brimble picks up the candle.
That's sitting on the table.
How did I not know about this candle?
Because you never asked about it.
Throws it at.
Layla.
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
Yeah.
Wait.
I think it's Layla.
No.
Layla plays the guitar.
So it hits.
Oh.
All of mine are still.
Private.
It's for six points of damage.
It's enough to engulf her in flames for death.
It does engulf her in flames for now.
Or yes.
It does engulf her in flames.
For death.
All right.
So it is now.
The beef's turn.
And boo.
Before I do that.
Before I go with that.
Give me a stealth check.
Or a stealth roll.
All right.
Stealth.
Regular or advanced.
Do I have an advantage because I'm invisible?
No.
Okay.
So.
The beef does not see you.
And walks.
Somehow.
Right around you.
Towards.
Summer.
It is Layla's turn.
Who takes.
More damage.
Because she is on fire.
She's screaming.
No.
Oh.
She's just.
Just on fire.
For.
Some more damage.
And she will take a.
She will bite again.
At Summer.
Bite her.
I know she bit at me last time.
She must have missed.
No.
Meow.
Yeah.
And.
I.
That is not going to hit.
So she misses again.
It is.
Boo's turn.
Just so we are clear.
Because this happened to me last time.
If I do any magic spell.
I am going to not become.
I am going to lose my invisibility.
Right?
Correct.
Can I grab things.
And like.
Not become invisible.
Like.
Can I throw something.
And like.
Like.
Distract.
Somebody.
So that tiger might have an advantage.
No.
If you grab something.
That is fine.
Or.
You can use your mage hand.
Can't try.
Oh.
Okay.
Can I.
No.
I am sorry.
Don't use your mage hand cantrip.
Yeah.
I got that backwards.
If you use a spell.
You will lose your invisibility.
Okay.
So you can pick something up.
Right.
So.
So I pick something up.
And I throw it at the back of Shrek.
Okay.
Well.
Whatever his name is.
And then.
Hopefully he doesn't see me.
Billy the bed bug.
Is that.
Is that the beef?
No.
It says ogre.
So the one who got by me.
No.
He's.
No.
Oh.
Is Tommy Tito.
Oh.
That's right.
Okay.
So roll a d20.
With advantage please.
How do I do that?
It'll say with advantage.
Oh.
Shit.
No.
That's a check.
Just roll.
Just roll 2d20.
So.
Slash r space 2d20.
Okay.
Cool.
And we're going to take the six.
But that.
It does not hit.
Hmm.
Wonderful.
Yes.
It is.
Summer's turn.
That's me.
Yes.
Um.
So.
Layla's on fire.
Tell them.
I.
I mean.
So there's still three of them.
Four.
Who's the fourth one?
Oh.
Layla.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Um.
Can I hit any of them with an arrow?
You can hit any of them with an arrow.
I'm going to shoot at Layla.
Just because I know she's damaged.
Okay.
What do I roll?
A 20?
Just roll it.
Yeah.
One d20.
Plus seven.
So 15.
Yeah.
Layla.
It's.
Cool.
Okay.
That hits.
Roll.
One d10.
Plus three.
God damn it.
No.
Got to put the slash on.
Yeah.
So five points of damage.
She is still not down.
It is the ogre's turn.
Sorry.
Tommy T.
Toad.
Who continues making.
His way over to.
Summer.
And is.
Within strike and distance.
But just not.
Cannot attack.
Buster.
The bear.
Buster.
The bear.
Also does the same thing.
But cannot attack.
The commoner.
Or sorry.
Brimble.
Rose.
He.
He picks up his.
His.
I'm trying to remember.
If I said.
The matriarch.
Was his.
Aunt.
You didn't.
Say that.
But you said that.
I thought.
There was a matriarch.
Rather than a patriarch.
Yeah.
I thought it was.
That was.
Brimble was the nephew.
It's.
Not something you specified.
Okay.
No.
Sister-in-law.
I don't remember you saying that.
Whether or not it's true.
I don't know.
All right.
Critical failure.
He.
He picks up the glass.
And throws it.
And hits his little.
Hits the little kid.
At the table.
In the face.
Killing him.
Oh.
Yes.
It is.
Uh.
The.
The beef's turn.
Wait.
So.
We're back at the top.
Of the initiative order.
And we're.
Yes.
A little bit.
Past time.
All right.
I wasn't sure.
If you guys wanted to finish it.
Or.
I.
Continue.
Next time.
I.
I don't.
See a.
Path.
That.
We beat it.
On this turn.
I mean.
We're doing a lot better.
So.
Like.
We're getting there.
But.
Like.
Layla.
Is on fire.
Just had five damage.
And she's still not dead.
And we still have.
Three more.
Of them.
To beat.
And yes.
I guess we haven't taken.
Much.
Damage yet.
I just don't feel.
Momentum's on our side.
I like.
What.
What do you think boo?
Um.
I mean.
There's.
Are they still all up?
I mean.
They're still kind of all up.
Right.
If I.
If we had blown some of them up.
And it was only a couple of them.
But it's like all of them.
So.
Well.
We did.
Blow one up.
Before we started.
Yeah.
So.
I guess.
I wonder if.
Like.
We lost this turn.
Maybe.
There's more.
I mean.
I don't know that we learned.
Anything other than.
I will give you this.
Since Layla.
Is on fire.
She will.
Most likely die.
This.
Her next turn.
Which is nice.
Right.
If that helps you.
Keep going or not.
That is completely up to you.
Well.
I think maybe.
Maybe.
We're getting closer.
To convincing.
More.
Of the commoners.
To help.
I don't think there's any.
I just don't.
Think that me.
And.
Here.
Are going to be able.
To take on everyone here.
Even if we do kill Layla.
Because we still have.
Three more.
You know.
Biggish enemies that have.
I don't think they have any damage yet.
Do they?
There is.
They did take some damage.
From the explosion.
Oh.
That's right.
So.
And.
And the actual cone of fire.
I would imagine.
If we died this turn.
We might do it a little bit differently.
To maximize that initial.
You know.
That initial.
Explosion.
And then get into maybe.
A better position.
And maybe just better coordinate.
That's just my opinion.
That's up.
That's up to you guys.
I can't.
So.
I guess.
My proposition.
To end this.
Is to say.
We fought valiantly.
And better.
However.
We still died this turn.
And.
The next turn.
We'll do it just a little bit better.
But.
I don't know.
I'm.
Welcome to hear.
What you think.
Boo.
Because.
I guess.
An option.
Would be like.
Okay.
Next time.
We get together.
We start.
From this point.
Okay.
Yeah.
Whatever you want to do.
I'm.
I'm a little.
A little.
Courage.
Because.
I'm kind of.
We're having a hard time.
I think.
With this.
So.
I know.
But.
I think.
We're getting.
Closer.
To.
Getting there.
So.
Like.
The next time around.
I think.
We would have.
A little bit more going for us.
Like.
We would know that the explosion worked.
And.
I feel like.
We would have gotten some.
Some cred.
With.
At least.
Brimble.
And maybe.
Get Brimble's family.
So.
If we had.
Brimble's family.
That's.
That would help us a lot.
And if we had Brimble's family.
Maybe we would have.
The.
What was it?
Triplets?
Yeah.
Maybe.
I don't know.
That would just be.
That would just be my idea.
Anyway.
Yeah.
Whatever you want to do.
I mean.
Maybe.
Let's just stop it here.
And then.
Next time.
We can pick it up.
And see what happens.
We can pick it up.
Bye.
you
Thank you.