all right so you walk into the kitchen and you see it's a typical restaurant kitchen it's got
there's knives on the wall there's pans sheet trays uh cookie trays uh there's an oven two deep fryers
filled with oil and a and a big pizza oven a wood-fired pizza oven with pizza and on the on
the wall there's there's the pizza shovel is there anything to eat like any food laying around
any yeast yeah you see you see some uh yeast some bruschetta bruschetta yeah like it's about to be
taken out to a table the hell is i grab it need it you don't know what bruschetta is no is that a bread
isn't that what isn't that kind of like a fruit it's it's bread with tomatoes and balsamic vinegar
oh i hate that so i start spitting it up realizing what it is
oh you said bruschetta i thought you said barchetta
i thought i thought you're talking about that those that crunchy bread looking like chip
like what you get in uh tortilla chips oh those snacks you gordettos
like briskets yeah briskets yeah triskets triskets no that's not what i'm looking at no talking about
like the rye chips yeah kind of uh bruschetta it doesn't matter it either way i hate this i spat it all up
oh where where am i am i still did i still can't get through the door i'm just standing outside
no you were able to follow okay once once jerry pulled the door open for you you were able to go
in you get in there you really don't know what bruschetta is
i just was so hungry i had to eat the first thing i saw is there any more food do i see or receive
no you just see like uh there's like a bowl of onions oh onions again but i had onions for lunch
yeah and still yeah it was me i was the lunch invisible skills oh yeah i was an onion that was a fried onion
so i grabbed one of the banshee trays um just uh as i started like waving it around like
how would this be as a weapon you think summer it's a sheet tray not a banshee tray oh
it's a fancy tray it's a sheet tray i'm i'm glad you corrected us on that i mean he's gonna be a banshee
i didn't want him to call if he's like all right banshee tray get him and hope a ghost pops out of it
you should ask him why did you call it a banshee tray
i thought that's what you described it as he said a lot of things i don't know how that tray is it
better than your ray of frost probably not i guess i don't really know but it is better than the hand
what if i use it as like a shield of some sort that's better it's not as good as that fort that i
half-assedly built that so i'm taking this i'm taking this back i'm taking this this sheet tray
i'm gonna grab this um i'm gonna grab uh is there any uh how about any uh is there like any meat
pounders like you know hammers uh tenderizers yeah you have to give me an investigation check
oh i will give you an investigation check for that one i had one of meat pounder or uh tenderizer
both of those it's pretty good sounding a tenderizer pounder what was you what did you want again
uh investigation there's a tiny hammer
oh you there's so many drawers in here you don't even know where to look to find a meat tenderizer
well let's start with the first one god damn
ain't nobody got time for that all right it's locked
it's locked her own lock the only key is on layla uh how about uh is there any like uh
can i steal her key large
what about like a large like poker stick i don't know uh i'll grab i don't know i'm trying to figure
out what i can grab here i don't think knives would be very good with me i would probably cut myself
no but there are a good amount of knives in here
so don't hide in here is what you're saying
i'm not
uh
oh summer what are you gonna grab
i can't hear anybody are you guys like can you hear me
yeah we i can hear you tiger street uh spotty
i can't hear tiger
yeah well i haven't really been saying anything i having connection issues i don't know if i'm gonna
try to restart or something i don't know
wait a minute what
all right my connection is much better now so hopefully this this sticks yeah
let me make sure that ours was a little warning bad too after you know does it help now or yours seems
better um it seems like it's doing okay okay all right
okay so you guys are in the kitchen you see all these knives and different things laying around
and cooking equipment uh summer what are you gonna grab
i
uh
i mean
you said that layla might have a key for some of these drawers yeah
perhaps i should get this key from her
you can try that i'm going to try that okay
is there any pots yeah there's pots and pans like a big pot and we can throw them in like a stew
not that big i grab one pot animatronics i grab one pot and put it on my head like a helmet and
then i grab a frying pan and i'm ready for battle frying pan and uh pan sheet and that pot on the head
i really don't know what else i'm supposed to do here this is the this is like a little kid
this is this is jerry firing at all cylinders here
it's like summer i need you to act like macaulay culkin and home improvement and come up with a bunch of plans for these robots
you mean
in home improvement yeah what did i say you said
the home improvement yeah you'll or be like al borland from home improvement
al borland would be he al borland could get us out of the specs i know it
for sure you're going to say like al borland and in home alone
why are you doing scooby-doo
okay so tiger you or summer you want to try to steal the key
yeah let's see let's see if i can do that all right so you walk up to layla
who's waiting at another table or she's serving another table
and she turns around seeing you and goes oh oh honey what do you want
i'll get right over to your table don't worry about it yeah well i mean you do but you never ever bring
us anything um so you know don't worry about some onions one time yeah you threw onions i mean then
you set me on fire so i mean i hardly count that as uh you know good i mean i think you did attack us
first with a broken bottle and a chair
unclear now that's what happened
i think maybe we threw a chair at the band but not you i would never do that to you
i like you here at frankie cream's the employees are family
what about you you attack us all can i can i be part of your family no
please you are nothing but a meat bag i'm an orphan no i see your father i've killed your father
yeah now i'm an orphan no he's right there he's got a pot on his head for some reason i don't know
i'm ready for battle
i've got a ladle now
okay
i'm gonna go well at all
um
i don't know
so she turns around starts starts talking to the table that she was
summer
how's your china around
steal do it shut up shut up pothead
oh got him
gotcha there
all right i'm gonna i'm gonna make my move
all right you're gonna try to like pickpocket
yeah i say
give me a sleight of hand check
do i get a bonus
no
perhaps advantage
perhaps
i'll just skip the roll and just say i lost
holy
shit
so you managed to
to take your pants off
is that how you wanna
no no no no i uh
i get
i get it but also i i panster
that
please i don't think that's how sleight of hand works
okay fine then what did i get what do i get give me give me
you got the key
you got the key to
well you got two keys
right out of it instead of just the one for the bag you you got two keys
okay
all right
and are they labeled
yeah one says uh kitchen drawers and the other says um says a liquor cabinet
and did i win the key to her heart
no that is somewhere else
can i make a sleight of hand check for it
sure
no i'm not doing it i'm gonna i gotta push my luck
all right so uh
all right i'm gonna come over by by jerry
all right and back in the kitchen
yeah okay
i'm sitting on a little stool with my ladle just kind of like
i'm kind of really really spooked because i got killed twice and
in jerry's ladle is just cereal
he's got a spoon in the other hand he's eating
he's eating cereal out of the ladle
cheerios they come frosted now
hey dirt look what i got
what is it it's a key
for what
uh the drawers
what are you gonna find in the drawers
i don't know but i impossible for a perception check to go poorly if i already have the key to the drawers
so i would like to open the drawers now
okay so you're successfully able to open them
and i look inside and they're full of
gauze
there's uh there's a tube meat
a creme brulee torch
there's a couple of meat tenderizers
yes and potato peelers
nitrous tanks
how about a handgun
yeah handgun no is it
yes a shotgun under the bar
can we look for this yet
here in the kitchen
yes
did we look for this yet i don't think we look for a shotgun summer why did we
why have we died three times not thinking about there might be a shotgun underneath the bar
some of these losers have died more than that
oh my god
he's right
oh my god
what the hell am i gonna do with a potato peeler
and another drawer there's a knife sharpener
all right great
it it might be
depends on how you use it
oh i guess maybe we could sharpen the pizza the pizza shovels
yeah sharpen them with the pizza cutter
i still don't know how we're gonna cut a robot
well that's why i have my ladle and i grab a meat tenderizer
now i'm double they have no meat
i've just been accumulating pots and pans on my body like now i have it on like armored
kind of like you come home from work and the kid has figured out how to open the childproof doors and
he just like puts on all the pots and pans like he's a knight exactly and it's just been slowly
happening every time every every shot you see of me i just got accumulated another thing on me
you're just covered in spoons and pans and sheets and tin foil i got forks on my fist like i'm wolverine
but they're forks
yeah
all right
yeah
yeah it's going well uh but i did grab a meat tenderizer so that's gonna be great because
uh because you know you can't cut a robot i found out
right you can't smack them with a meat tenderizer
it's just a small hammer
do you ever do we have a regular hammer have you ever seen an industrial
no obviously i haven't
they're they're like this big
okay they're pretty big they're basically a hammer
it's like the size of a sledgehammer but like
a piece of the weight
and it's magic
no
yo-ho
okay uh i'm gonna can i try putting the pizza shovel in the knife sharpener and see if i can
sharpen the edge
still don't know how i'm gonna cut a robot but
what if you just smack it with the with the side of it like it's a shovel
what if i just slap my fanny
yeah i feel like that's not gonna help our situation summer
it might shut my dad up
uh
embarrassment
give me a survival check
for smacking his fanny
no
you know it means something different in england
honey
14
okay yes you are able to sharpen the edges of the pizza show
i would like to demonstrate a sharpness
by
is there cheese close by
nope all you got is bruschetta
and onions
this place is terrible
dad dad listen to me
they're very important
are you talking to me honey and i lift up my i lift up my two things
oh here you are honey i'm building a robot of pots and pans now that's my new thing this week
that's not a robot it's a robot it's an iron man suit i'm doing it like iron man you know who
iron man is right no yeah yes i know who iron man is that is so 15 years ago now grab that onion over there
i grab the onion toss it at me
i toss the onion all right uh
jerry give me an athletics check
i give the athletics check
i really shouldn't eat
jerry's on the radio he
jerry successfully throws the
the onion in your direction
yeah
summer
uh-huh
you don't even know what i'm gonna do
okay
you don't even know my real name
what are you gonna do
i'm gonna swing the pizza shovel at it and try to cut it in half
exactly what i thought you were gonna do
you didn't know that you probably thought i was
no you probably thought i was gonna try and eat it
discreetly
i ate it
give me an athletic check
all right
give it to him
four
all right
you clip it a little bit and it cuts through
uh-huh
just like the the root end gets cut off
uh-huh
and the rest flies over your head
does jerry start crying from having cut an onion
jerry didn't cut the onion
i know but it's closer to him probably
i don't cry over everything
no it's not
okay so i guess the answer is no
no
i do not cry
take that
all right cool so now i have this thing
cool how do you like that
it's pretty great
um
all right all of a sudden
while you're standing in the kitchen brimble walks in
after seeing you smash smack your face into the door
all right he came to check on you see how you're doing and sees you cut this onion
barely cut the onion right out of midair oh man that's so cool i wish i had one of those to help fight these things
well too bad because i got the only one
oh
oh all right um
no i'm just kidding
i hope your face is okay i'm just gonna
no no no i was just i'm just josh i'm just joshing you i could show you how to do this for a price
uh no that's hold no you didn't answer the prices
now that i know this is possible oh i guess i'm just gonna go
do it sit back at my table with my family no i'm sorry brimble i we got off on the wrong foot
why don't you come over here honey and i will make you a knife shovel of persuasion check
i don't know why i have to make a persuasion check he already wanted to do this
yeah until he saw you smash your face into the
okay
18
now suck it
what
i said there you go 18
suck it so he comes back in and and asks for
for the pizza shovel
right and then i take a pizza shovel and i say let me show you how to do it and then
there's only one
oh okay here's the pizza shovel i guess i'll just sit here with my thumb up my ass
i mean you do have a sword and a bow
yeah i didn't have anything
yeah great
i know earlier the last time i tried to throw a candle it hit my little brother in the face
yeah well i don't listen i don't care
that's wow that you're part of the module give me that back
here have this have this
potato peeler
no yeah take this potato peeler
all right okay so you switch back like i don't i don't know what i'm gonna do with this
yeah me neither
he just
i hold his head down and defeat and walks out of the kitchen
so i poke my head out of my uh pots and fans fort and like honey what do you do that for
i don't know why i do the things i do
why don't you come on in we'll set you up in my parlor we'll get this all worked out but you need to go
back out there and uh get ourselves to get ourselves an army there's a bunch of knives on the other side of that wall that i'm sure that they can use to help defend us
okay
can i make it can i are there any other sticks are there sticks in a in a kitchen like uh
i don't know like a broom all right i think there's there's brooms and bobs
i'm gonna take a broom and uh can i just attach a bunch of knives to it maybe two to to the end if
there's two brooms can i make two like what do you what do you call those things like that
you're like a stick that's got two knives on the end
oh okay um how
what do you mean how i just told you how how are you going to attach them to the stick
oh my god what is this fucking wood shop i don't know like tape they got duct tape back there of
course they got duct tape it's a kitchen no they don't
uh okay well i guess that idea is out uh then i was just break and give them sticks and break them in
half and just now they have sticks
is there string i don't know knives there why are you giving them broken sticks what are they going to
do with the knife if they get close enough
because they need range as soon as the robots get on them then it's game over
well you came over man last time was to just be let them be a meat grinder and clog up the gum
okay come up the work i just don't see how i my my sword did just did nothing last time i don't see how
a knife would be good what if they're fine your bow your bow did did some work yes my bow not my sword
though i mean it would still do damage okay so i guess i would just just gather up all the knives okay
and see a guy go pull them down one by one he's like i don't know why i'm doing this
all right but with stundly enough there are exactly the right amount of knives to people to patrons
i'm not sure they're going to listen to me they don't like me you haven't been too charming lately
i tried you chased the one guy who liked you out of here he was trying to take my weapon he was
trying he was trying to he was trying to get support i'm not sure he just kind of came in and made fun
of me for walking to the door and then demanded to take my stuff he he asked if you were okay
and i said no i'm not sure that's what he said no that's not what he said he wanted to he said i
just came in here to check to see how you're you're doing after running into the door and then he tried
to take my stuff he asked for no he came in and said oh my god that's so cool i wish i had one of those
all right you're right i was right i'm just a hormonal teenage girl i was gonna say that does
track that you would probably be like no this is my shit yeah but okay well besides that uh so i've
gathered all the knives okay and uh you're gonna try to give them to people well i was nice for
everybody all right listen up bitches i'm gonna walk out of the door who wants a knife
everyone turns and stares at you what what knives who wants a knife where where did you get the knives
from i stole them from where everybody knows what's in a kitchen and what's in a kitchen is knives so
here's the knife you want a knife come get a knife i guess so all right that's the spirit here's a knife
make sure you give them to the children honey how many children are there come on all right here's a knife
give them three no just i only have so many knives one more one more that he can carry to the to the child
there was a cleaver the child that's part of the knife cat is it though yeah would be cool if it was
attached to a stick yeah like an axe wait like an axe we should do oh a kitchen axe a kitchen axe
no a kitchen axe
all right so i hand i hand out knives to the the peoples so all the commoners okay so they they all
they all have uh they're not the knives now all right and i teach them proper knife
gratifying one of the the triplets comes up
that last slaughter fest so i i think we're gonna follow you guys this time
i don't know about that's a good idea i mean you killed one of them really
and that that really yeah you did that was the the best we've seen you one of them died in the explosion
yeah it was huh you bunch of wieners how many times have you guys died
too probably double digits yeah so maybe you should follow us yeah i i i think we will
all right good here's a knife i've got a knife here's a knife you already gave me one good because
good now you keep it and you put it to good use follow me and don't be scared
okay so they should stand up with the knife not their knives in the hand
they like me now they'll follow you
so they must like me that does not mean they like you they love me i don't like you either
no all right all right uh i guess that's all there is to be found in the kitchen uh can we make some kind of
um
oh baster plus fire equals and base fire yes exactly you get caught up in the base fire
exactly
that's rock and roll let's go get it i come out i'm like clanking around in my pot and pans armor you know
it's not i'm yeah it's not it's it's it's it's pretty fashionable
did we lose andy no i i i it's not a very flattering picture but i'm still here okay that is a great picture
i might make that my profile picture on all my date websites yeah
all right so what's next um now we play the waiting game
or we start building a fort another one i would like to build a trebuchet
you don't have time for that we have 12 hours it takes a lot longer to do that okay
uh then i guess we'll build nothing and we'll just wait
that's it uh well i'm not sure what we have time for i guess we don't have time for a trebuchet
uh there's no shotgun under the bar no
there's i mean you don't want to go get that propane tank i what i'd like to investigate the uh
liquor cabinet okay so you go you go behind the bar and there's there's a liquor cabinet back there you
open it up and there is a bunch of bacardi 151 in there and some other booze
and it also happens to be there where they keep the towels to wipe down at the end of the night
oh that's great we're making molotov cocktails baby
molotov cocktails actually give me all those knives back we're making molotov cock knife
explosions explosions explosions
we want explosions all right uh yeah i'm gonna set up just hella molotov cocktails okay
so doing that takes up like two hours
these better be some fucking awesome
we're gonna die we're gonna die again doesn't matter when are there any extension cords
give me a perception check
yeah you see one hooked up to like uh from the blender behind the bar to an outlet
all right i'd like to cut it open with my knives you're gonna cut the electrical cord
well i'm gonna unplug it first okay then i'd like to cut it open and defy some type of electrical trap
okay how are you gonna do that well i'm gonna take one of those sheets off of jerry
and i'm gonna put and the ends of the uh you know extension cord on either end of the uh the sheets
okay and um put that on the ground and cover it with leaves and hopefully they step on it
there are no leaves here all right well let me just like lay it on the paper okay
or yeah but no not toilet paper toilet paper toilet paper no yes all right uh uh where did you
stash your uh molotov cocktails in our booth in our fort that i built
okay okay all right and you put the metal sheet tray on the floor in front of it yeah okay
all right give me a
you know give me a history check
five five five uh you set it up but you're really really not sure if it's gonna work because you've
never done that before no why would i have done that before well you've never really messed around with electricity
okay well let's hope it works okay so you got
you got the fork with a bunch of molotovs in it yeah all the patrons have a knife right what about my
what about my boy brad brim brim brim i've been calling him brad uh he still has his potato peeler all right
can I inspire him with love?
Give me a charisma check.
A glove of love.
I don't have charisma.
Not even underneath your checks?
Definitely not under skills.
Okay, under checks I do.
All right.
Six.
No, it doesn't work.
He just kind of hangs his head.
And he just looks defeated.
Well, at least he's got the right attitude.
All right.
What's next?
Jerry, you haven't done anything in a while.
I think I'm just going to prepare for the battle, I guess.
I'm going to try to attack him.
Is there any place high I can hide?
Is there hanging lights that I can jump and hang on top of so I can jump down and attack
them when they come in?
No.
All right.
Well, you know what?
Actually, give me a perception check.
I will perceive everything.
And you'll never see it coming.
You do notice that there are a couple of low-hated lights with fans on them.
All right.
I climb up and try to...
I use one of these stools and I get up there.
I scurry up there in my little armored...
My little pots and pan armor.
And just...
I got my tenderizer and my ladle in.
I'm not sure.
I'm just going to try to...
Hopefully not get stabbed or killed with my armor on.
I'm just going to jump down and pound them.
Okay.
I don't have a...
So you're sitting on top of a fan.
Yeah.
Getting ready for it.
Summer is sitting in the fort.
Can I give Brad my sword?
You want to give...
You want to give Brimble your sword?
Yes.
Brimble?
Yeah.
Yeah, you can do that.
Hey, Brimble.
Yes?
I just was thinking about what happened earlier.
You know, it was really awkward.
You know, I don't really talk to a lot of boys.
So, sorry.
Really?
It doesn't seem like that.
It seems like you've talked to a lot of boys.
I know.
It's because I'm so hot.
But, you know, I don't.
Trust me.
Here's a sword.
And I blow a kiss at him.
Can I get a real kiss?
What, like on the lips?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Of course.
No.
Of course.
I know.
Yeah.
Duh.
People kiss on the lips.
Sure.
All right.
So, you give him a kiss and he's instantly filled with hope.
Can I roll a history to see if I've ever had a kiss before?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
It was my first kiss.
It was.
It was definitely your first kiss and you didn't know how to do it.
So, you accidentally kissed him right on the nose.
Oh, cute.
No, not in a good way.
Like, not like on the top, but like on the bottom, like on the nostrils.
Oh, cute.
So cute.
Yeah.
That was very, very weird.
This may be true love.
All right.
That was the weirdest kiss I've ever gotten.
Well, it's the first kiss I've ever gotten.
So, you know, we're all trying.
That was pretty obvious.
Thanks.
Well, good luck with my sword.
Thanks.
I think.
Hopefully, I don't fuck this up.
It doesn't matter.
We'll be back here anyway.
If you fuck it up, then we'll just have another chance.
Do it.
Okay.
So, you guys want to wait for the fight?
Or do you want to take the fight to them?
I'm pretty much ready.
I'm probably napping by now.
Can I sit on a fan?
A fan?
What kind of fan are you talking about?
Like a ceiling fan?
Ceiling fan.
I'm sitting on top of it?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm napping.
Like a gargoyle.
Yeah, like this.
Can I throw the propane tank just to get this party?
on the road?
Yeah.
Give me an athletics check.
Okay.
Again, you don't have to throw it.
I'm gonna.
You can just set it up there.
Nope.
I threw it.
Okay.
All right.
You threw it.
And it hit.
Blows everyone up.
Including Jerry.
No!
Hold on.
I forgot to adjust some hit points.
I don't know.
Okay, so you threw it, and it hit...
Where's this guy again?
It hit Thomas T. Toad.
Oh, I've been calling him Tommy.
Yeah, Tommy Toad.
I'm calling him Cranston.
And it explodes on contact.
Sending them all to hell.
Robot hell.
All right.
Got to do some math here.
Damn it.
It's going to be a while.
Don't you know...
That I'm dipping on a fan.
Just hanging out on a fan.
Do-do-do.
All right.
So after the smoke clears...
You can see that...
The animatronics look pretty...
Clearly peeved.
Pretty damaged.
On the brink of death.
Stiff breeze.
And Piggly Wiggly...
Piggly Wigglebutt...
Is just...
On the ground.
You can tell that there's no...
No electricity going...
Into his body.
Is that another way of saying dead?
Yeah.
Yes.
So now we will...
Roll for initiative.
Dead!
Hey.
Are you going to put...
Brad in there?
Oh yeah.
There they are.
Commoner.
Okay.
Holy crap.
Oh no.
I'm last.
Oh.
I'm last.
You are last.
Yes.
All right.
Well.
Wow.
They got really good rolls.
I'm going to take a nap.
Oh wow.
Yes.
All four of them right at the top there.
Yeah.
But one of them is dead.
So.
Yeah.
He's not dead.
There's four other ones?
Yeah.
Oh.
We are fucked.
Ray of Frost.
So Layla.
Layla.
Uh.
Sees where.
Where the bottle came from over at the booth and starts walking towards you.
Oh shit.
That's me.
Yeah.
Oh shit.
That's me.
But it's kind of far.
So that's.
That's the end.
So she's just walking.
Okay.
Uh.
Buster the bear.
Also starts walking towards you.
So does Billy Beaver.
I call him Billy Beave.
Yeah.
Billy the Beave.
Billy the Beave boy.
And so does Tommy Tito.
Billy the Beave Rodriguez.
All right.
So.
Billy the Beave boy.
The Beave Bob Bo.
Billy Beave boy.
Billy Beave Bo.
So it's one of the triplets turn.
She walks towards and sits by the.
Comes to the booth.
To the side of the booth.
So does her sister.
And now it is.
Matt.
I was called.
I was called him back.
Uh.
Jerry's turn.
I.
Go invisible.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
You know how long.
We have to wait for your turn.
To come up again.
All right.
You're.
You're invisible.
You're already in it.
And you're covered in pans.
You're just going to be.
Do the pans go invisible?
Yes.
The pans are invisible.
As well.
I'm glad you're enjoying this.
As they'll make you look.
You're like.
So now it is Brimble's turn.
And Brimble walks in.
Up.
And attacks Layla.
With the sword.
Okay.
Brimble.
Invisible.
Brimble.
Invisible.
12.
Death blow.
Yeah.
Do you need the stats on my sword?
I think I got him.
It's 100.
1.
2.
1.
2.
Yeah.
If he's using.
Wait.
Hold on.
Never mind.
Does 1d10 damage.
If he's two handed.
But.
Yeah.
He doesn't.
Really know how to.
No.
He's.
Filled with.
Teenage love.
10.
He does 10 damage.
To.
To Layla.
But she gets.
Disadvantaged.
Because she's not wearing pants.
She is still wearing pants.
The other triplet.
Comes up.
I don't know.
That made me laugh.
She's not wearing pants.
Because I took him off.
Earlier.
So the.
Third triplet.
Comes up.
And attacks.
Buster the bear.
I like.
Buster the bitch.
Good one.
16.
And.
Really good rolls.
Yep.
Billy the beat boy.
You beat my beer.
Billy the big boy.
You beat my beef.
That is time.
Yes.
Two.
And hits.
For.
Two damage.
I'll take that.
Damn beaver.
That is the beef boy.
Okay.
I added the.
The mom.
To.
From.
The table.
Burnley's.
Mom.
Oh.
I didn't even know he had a mom.
Yeah.
It's his.
It's his mom.
And his.
Uncle.
That tracks.
I don't get it.
Well.
You wouldn't know anything about.
That has anything else about his family.
Or anything real.
I didn't even know he had a family.
This is real.
And that's for three damage.
Summer.
It is your turn.
That's me.
Yes.
Uh.
I would like to wield my pizza shovel.
At.
Wait.
Did anyone get close enough to me yet?
No.
Uh.
Then I will use my longbow.
Okay.
And shoot.
At.
Who?
Um.
Layla.
The turtle.
The lizard.
Layla.
Layla the lizard.
Okay.
Roll a G20.
I didn't know you.
Uh.
Oh.
Shit.
Don't cut down.
Yeah.
Plus.
So that's an 11.
Because you got plus seven.
You miss.
All right.
And I'll just.
Continue.
To wait.
All right.
It is Layla's turn.
She turns and attacks the last person that.
That hit her.
That was me.
No.
You missed.
All right.
So the mom.
And she misses.
Great.
I mean.
I actually mean great this time.
Yes.
Great.
That's great.
Great.
So Buster the bear attacks the last triplet.
That attacked him.
Oh boy.
And.
Misses.
Not so scary now.
Are you?
We all got knives.
Billy the bee.
I beat my soul.
Love that.
Decides to walk up to the fort to try to attack it.
All right.
And.
Do.
Falls right into my trap.
He's going to do.
Insight check.
What?
He's going to do an insight check.
He does not see that pan right on the floor.
Good.
I'm going to try things.
But.
Summer.
Just roll a d20 for me.
Right now?
Yeah.
All right.
You.
You did successfully manage to set up the.
The shock pad.
The shock sheet tray.
Okay.
And he will take some damage.
Oh.
It just goes off right away.
Oh.
I'm smart.
Yeah.
I mean.
You just.
Put the electricity on there.
Oh.
It was a hot plate.
Hot plate.
I mean.
Not really a hot plate.
Hot plate.
Hot boys.
Doing 11 points of damage.
All right.
And he's so shocked that.
He can't do anything.
He did.
So now it is.
What is it?
Who's.
Oh.
Tommy to toad.
Dude.
Doesn't actually work as well.
Hot plate.
And starts to attack the.
Fort that you're in.
It's impenetrable.
Don't even try it bud.
The fort kick ass is impregnable.
So it's going to.
He's going to roll with disadvantage.
So we got a three.
So he does not do any damage.
It is the first triplet.
She's going to walk up and.
Hit.
I think I had their names.
Down by now.
Billy.
Billy the beef.
How could you forget that one?
The best one.
Hit it Jerry.
For five.
For the beef.
Oh.
She misses.
The second triplet.
Walks up to.
Hits him in the nuts.
To attack.
Buster the bear.
Hey triplet.
Aim for the nuts.
He hates being hit in them.
15.
She does connect.
To his nuts.
Sending him.
Falling to the ground.
In agony.
Doing three points.
Of damage.
Oh.
They have knives.
Yeah.
Okay.
No.
Hits.
So.
Jerry.
It is your turn.
Am I above any of them?
Or am I any kind of convenient way of jumping?
There's no way to tell.
Because no one can see you.
You're a goddamn invisible.
All right.
I'm going to jump on top of the nearest guy in front of me.
Okay.
Pick one.
The one in front of me.
You're above all of them.
And invisible.
I'm jumping the Billy the Beef.
Billy the Beef.
Jumping on the Beef.
So roll a d20 with advantage.
How do I do that?
Just do 2d20.
Just roll 2d20.
So we'll look at it.
Okay.
So you got 15.
So that is enough to hit.
If you do.
Roll your.
What is it?
Roll 1d6.
1 point of damage.
It's flying damage.
He's right.
That's your count.
10,000 points.
Maybe 20.
Square inch.
This commoner attacks Layla.
Oh no.
No that's.
No that's good.
Oh that's.
Yeah that's.
That's.
That's Brimbley.
I'm sorry.
You need to rename him or something.
Because I need to know about my.
Okay.
So that hits.
For 5 points of damage.
That is the third triplets.
Attack against Buster the bear.
More like Buster the bitch.
She misses.
More like triplet the bitch.
Summer is your turn.
I'd like to.
Launch.
My.
Molotov cocktails.
At who?
Everyone.
You can do.
What is it?
Action surge right?
So it gives you two actions.
You can throw two of them.
At one time?
You can throw one.
And then you have to throw another one.
Oh yeah.
That'll be your action surge.
Uh.
Alright.
The.
So.
Uh.
Who got zapped?
Was it Timmy Toad?
Or was it.
Uh.
Beef Boy?
It was.
Billy the Beef.
Alright.
Yeah.
I'm gonna.
I'm gonna target him.
Okay.
So.
Give me.
An.
Athletics check.
Okay.
12.
Oh.
Plus 12.
Okay.
So you do manage to hit.
Alright.
And that does.
Roll.
Uh.
2d6.
For 6 points of damage.
Uh huh.
And.
Uh.
Billy the Beef is looking.
Very.
Very bad.
Am I still hanging out?
Because I'm gonna hit him with another one.
Oh no.
Tiger.
You're.
Yeah.
Right.
You're gonna hit him with another one.
Yeah.
Am I still hanging on top of him?
No.
Oh.
Doesn't matter.
Your pots.
Your precious pans will save you.
You jumped on top of him.
But.
You like.
Bounced out of the way.
Like.
You bounced off of him.
Well.
That's not why I'm lying.
I do.
Okay.
Summer.
Give me another.
Athletics check please.
No.
You'd much.
Rather be on fire right now.
Surviving.
And.
2d6 please.
For.
11 points of damage.
So you see him.
After you hit him with the second Molotov cocktail.
He just kind of.
Stops functioning.
He bursts into flames.
Yeah.
He's on flame.
But he's like.
He just kind of like.
Droops.
Slowly droops over.
Ah.
Yeah.
But he like.
And you can see the glow in his eyes.
Just fade out.
Ah.
Yep.
Take that.
Beaver.
Boy.
Okay.
So now it is.
Uh.
Layla's turn.
And she is going to.
Attack.
She's going to.
Try to bite.
Brimbley.
No.
Oh.
Layla is.
Yeah.
She was a lizard.
Lizard's bite.
They don't got teeth.
They got.
It's a robot lizard.
Why would they give.
And.
Misses.
Oh.
So it is.
Summer's turn.
It is.
Buster the bear's turn.
To attack.
Buster.
To attack the first triplet.
Eight.
Misses.
Oh.
We are.
Getting lucky somehow today.
Yeah.
Uh.
It's uncharacteristic.
I am still.
Without damage.
Tommy T.
Toad's turn.
To attack.
Summer.
Tommy T.
Bitch.
And.
Since you are still in the fort.
Is with disadvantage.
Which is seven.
So he misses.
The first.
Triplet.
hits.
Oh.
Wow.
He is done.
This frog is bullied.
Or two damage.
That is not really a lot.
The second triplet.
Attacks.
Who is that?
Buster.
So what are you using for.
The knives.
Daggers.
Basically.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well.
That's fair.
Not that you asked.
And that one misses.
Not that you asked.
Uh.
Jerry.
Your turn.
Um.
So who is still alive?
Is he still.
Is he still invisible?
No.
He did his attack.
Oh.
If you attack.
Then you're not invisible.
I thought it was just magic.
If you do it.
Uh.
Attack.
Oh.
All right.
Um.
I'm going to hit one with a magic missile.
Okay.
You don't got a magic missile dog.
Magic mountain baby.
Magic mountain.
Okay.
I really have to go to the bathroom.
Yeah.
You look like it.
You actually look like you have to go to the bathroom.
Yes.
I'm back.
Oh.
He's back.
Oh.
Good.
Yes.
And now he's back.
From.
I'm back.
Oh.
No.
I had to get rid of that picture.
All right.
So.
You're going to attack with magic missile.
Yeah.
All right.
It's a very phallic spell.
Now you have.
Three.
Magic missiles.
Yeah.
That launch out.
You can send them all at one person.
Or you can send them at different parties.
I have.
Blow everything up.
Yeah.
I'll throw a spell.
Three different parties.
You're going to throw them at three different people?
Yeah.
Okay.
There's only three left.
I'm going hog wild.
I'm going magic mountain.
Okay.
Roll a one.
Roll a d20.
Oh no.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to.
Sorry.
I forgot that that automatically hits.
So roll one d4 plus one.
One.
Orange slash.
One d4.
And then plus one.
How do you do that?
You just hit plus one.
Where's the plus button?
Right by the back.
You're sitting on it.
Oh you hit all of them for four damage.
Four.
That's it?
Four damage.
With that.
They're dead.
The lizard is dead.
Oh I'm kind of sad.
Ding dong.
The lizard's dead.
Which old lizard?
That's how it goes.
Brimley.
Brimley after Lay the lizard dies.
Goes down.
To attack.
Brimley.
Yes.
My hero.
Okay.
I love you.
Brimley doesn't hear that.
I don't like the look of that creature that's on the backside of your paper.
Let me see it again.
Oh.
It doesn't look so scary when you do it boo.
Maybe he won't be so bad.
That's how it always is.
Oh.
And Brimley misses.
Brimley.
I never loved you at all.
You're a fucking poser.
Okay.
It is the second triplet's turn to attack.
Who's that?
Is that the beef?
Or is that Buster?
Beef is dead.
Beef is dead, man.
So.
Attacks.
Buster.
Beef's dead, baby.
So glad the beef is dead.
The beef is dead.
And best dead.
So glad the beef is all dead.
Summer.
What?
Your turn.
Uh.
So can I hit Tommy Titoed with my electro plate floor?
Floor?
No.
That is a stationary thing.
Okay.
Um.
And I'm guessing you're going to tell me that all my Molotov cocktails were wasted on Billy the Beef.
No.
You said you made a good amount of them.
Yeah, but I didn't really make a number.
And I used two on Billy the Beef.
Hmm.
I don't know what.
I mean, I didn't really know what the Molotov cocktails numbers were.
Should I use that?
Or should I try and longbow Tommy Titoed?
Because my longbow is pretty fucking sweet.
That is up to you.
Uh.
Well.
I know that maybe I shouldn't ask for your advice.
But what do you think?
You would get more damage out of your bow.
That's what it seems like to me.
Okay.
So I'll use my bow.
Okay.
So roll a 1d20 plus 7.
I don't think that's enough.
It is.
Oh, great.
So he's dead now?
No.
Uh.
You got to roll.
Uh.
1d10 plus 3.
Shut up.
Invisiboy.
So 9 points of damage.
Not dead yet.
You're about to be.
It will be soon.
I'm not dead yet.
All right.
Uh.
What is that?
The bug.
Buster.
Attacks the.
Oh, shit.
There's a whole nother.
Oh, god damn it.
There's two of them left.
I thought Tommy the Toadboy was the last one.
Attack the third.
The third triplet here.
Oh, no.
We're going to lose a triplet.
That's fine.
Triplet, triplet, triplet, triplet.
Triplet.
For 14 damage.
And the third triplet is dead.
Oh.
Dead.
That's rough.
Now, it is Tommy T. Toad's turn.
Unfortunately, we did all that bonding with them.
Emotional.
He attacks.
Brimbley.
Oh, Brimbley.
Brimbley.
I'm Wilford Brimbley.
And I have diabetes.
Six plus.
Yesterday, I stubbed my toe and took it out on the wife.
My wife died 10 years ago.
Who the hell did I hit?
Now that's a good bit.
That's a Family Guy bit.
Yeah.
It's not all bad.
No, that's early Family Guy one.
They were pretty funny.
And connects.
10 points of damage.
And Brimbley is dead.
Brimbley is dead.
Brimbley?
That's my boyfriend.
Not anymore.
Oh.
Can't I have anything?
The first triplet attacks.
Buster.
I hate this game.
Connected.
With the kitchen knife.
In the study.
With some mustard.
And Buster the Bear is dead.
Oh great.
But at what cost?
I know running is good for you.
But at what cost?
Jerry, your turn.
All right.
What's left?
Who cares?
My boyfriend's dead.
That's a good song.
My only shot of love.
It was my first kiss.
You've got Tommy Titoed.
Who cares?
My boyfriend's dead.
Da da da da da da da da da da da da.
Is that a song?
Yeah.
Who cares?
That sounds like something I would care about.
Like you're upset and I'm trying to think of this song.
I'm so mad.
Have we friends back?
Yeah, that's it.
All right.
I am going to go after Tommy Titoed with a ray of frost.
Classic and deadly.
Because toads are afraid of frost.
Yeah, I get it.
I get it.
Oh shit.
What do I put out?
You put r slash.
Like it's a reddit.
You miss.
I can't believe Brimpley's dead.
Life's not worth living.
The second triplet goes over to the third triplet and triplets body and starts crying.
Summer, you need to snap out of it.
Take your rage out on them who took from you your love.
Those are not words.
Release the fury.
What?
Release the summer heat.
That sounds better in my head.
That is good.
All right.
So what am I doing?
Is it my turn?
Release your natural Guatemala-ness.
I'm going to hit an arrow at the frogman.
Okay.
1d20 plus 7, I think.
Oh.
My weapon attack score a critical hit on a roll of 19 or 20.
I don't know why it said that to me.
I clicked on it.
All right.
So that's real, real cool.
Plus 7.
Really cool.
Beard.
There it is.
There's a critical.
Yep.
So I don't know what a critical does.
You're the GM.
Yeah.
I know.
That's pretty critical of you to know.
Roll your d10 plus 3.
Who?
Me?
No, not you.
You didn't hit.
You're invisible.
You're a towel.
No, you're a towel.
All right.
With that critical,
he falls back and his hand reaches out and touches that electrical plate.
And then what?
He gets shocked.
He commits suicide?
No.
He doesn't commit suicide.
He just got knocked back from the shot.
His arm fell.
Hit that sheet tray.
And it'll electrocute it.
He is dead.
Dead.
So you guys beat it.
Yeah.
I run for the door.
Not even checking on your daughter.
I run out the door.
So the lights come back on.
Uh-huh.
Or not back on,
but they stop like flashing and stuff during the slaughter fest.
But at what cost?
Two lives.
It looks like.
A triplet.
And a hunk.
And rindley.
Did you see any of the hunk?
Yeah.
The plumber hunk?
The plunk?
Honey.
He had diabetes.
You don't want to catch that.
You told me to marry him.
Well, that was before you told me his name was Brimley.
I thought you said his name was Brad.
I'd be okay with Brad the plumber, but not with a Brimley.
His name was not Brimley.
It was Brimley.
Oh.
That's even worse.
It was Brimble.
I only called him Brimley or Brad and sometimes Tad.
Well, that all sounds awful.
He had a terrible name.
Might I suggest you going after, say, a Jerry next time.
That is sick.
You are a sick, sick man.
That is not what I meant.
I just meant, you know, all Jerry's are pretty good.
Okay.
I'm pretty sad, though.
I'm broken up.
This is the biggest thing going on in my life.
You'll get over it, honey.
You'll find yourself a noob, probably.
A noob, probably, probably.
How about you and I go over and have a cup of Cheerios?
I hate Cheerios.
You know that.
You would know that if you ever listened to me.
I listen to you all the time.
You won't even have to, or else you yell at me.
Are we married?
Oh, no.
I wouldn't put up with your nonsense.
Your mother's very disappointed in you and me.
So the lights come on?
The lights were off?
No, no.
I fixed that.
They would flash during the Slaughter Fest.
Flash.
But now they just come back on as normal.
Like a strobe light?
Yes.
It was like a cosmic Slaughter Fest?
Yeah.
I wish you would have told us that before.
That would really set the scene.
I thought I did.
I wasn't listening.
Yeah.
That sounds about right.
Now it happens.
I mean, what do you want to do?
Do you want to mourn?
Or are you going to run straight out the door?
I run out the door.
I'm kind of walking around.
I run out the door.
Jerry clinks around.
Yeah, I'm losing.
I'm losing pots and pans like with my pants.
And you can't wait to get out.
Yeah.
I'll tell you your important question.
What are you doing?
I'm just sort of wandering around in a daze.
My boyfriend's dead.
Okay.
And not feeling great about that.
Your father just ran out of the door.
Listen, I could get more fathers, but this is a boy.
And can I give him like a serum?
Like a health serum?
Do you have one?
No.
Can I shock him back to life with my magic plate that killed everyone?
You can try.
I would like to try.
Okay.
Give me a performance check.
What will I have to roll to succeed?
Roll.
No, I'm not rolling until you tell me what I have to roll to succeed.
Then don't roll.
I don't care.
All right.
12.
Well, all right.
So you successfully drag him over and you put his hand on top of that sheet tray.
Yeah.
And you see his body jolt.
Uh-huh.
A little bit.
Comes back to life.
And then he bursts into flames.
Oh, that's not good.
No.
So you just burn the body of your only lover.
I'm just going to walk away casually.
So casual.
Oh, it's going to be tough for the family.
Yeah.
They, uh.
They really love that boy.
His little brother comes running up and is just crying his eyes out.
Wow.
You really know how to stick it into us.
Like, he was already dead.
Why did you do this?
Oh.
Why would you do that?
I'm going to slowly slay.
He was such a nice person.
He was putting me through school.
And you just burned him.
I thought you were his little brother.
I am.
He was 17.
How was he putting you through school?
Plumbers pay very.
Plumbing pays very well.
Go to public school.
No.
My mom doesn't want me to.
You've been stuck at a restaurant for her.
I'm not really going to try to figure this out.
I'm just going to casually slink out of the door where Jerry ran into.
Yep.
I ran out really quickly.
What did I see?
Oh, that looks like booty to me.
I think that's the right room.
Hold on.
It's booty.
The booty room.
You're in the booty room.
This room looks like a whole.
This room looks a whole lot like.
Booty.
Like the movie about that weirdo with the candy factory.
That scene with all the.
With all the kids where the one gets sucked up the pipe.
Remember that?
It's like that, but with gold pieces and treasure everywhere.
There's a massive treasure chest perched on a toadstool in one corner of the room.
The chest is made of wood.
The toadstool is made of sapphires.
A geyser of gold and platinum coins cascade from a fountain in the wall,
making a makeshift river of fortune that bisects the room.
A bridge across the river is made of diamonds,
and trees along its banks are glittering rubies.
Gorgeous emerald meadows cover the rest of the room.
Littered with flowers,
patches from a persiliscent,
pearlescent white material.
Probably pearl,
all things considered.
Summer,
does this help your morning process?
What am I going to do with this?
What am I going to spend this on?
I've had no opportunities to spend booty.
All right.
Well,
I try.
I'm going to go dive in the money like Scrooge McDuck.
Okay.
I'm probably going to end it there,
though.
But what happens?
Does he dive in the money?
Does he?
We'll find out.
In two weeks.
I just imagine the ending is just me
diving like Scooge McDuck
right in mid-dive.
Like a freeze frame?
Yeah.
you
Thank you.