you you yeah wasn't at the end like you were in the air we don't know if you're gonna hit it
yeah yeah that's where we left off and i we don't know if it's gonna be like scrooge mcduck where he
dives into the into it or like peter griffin and family guy where he like lands into it because
money doesn't work because money doesn't work like water
well uh andy are we leveling up we should yeah yes now i can use my because i ran out of i ran out
of pages on my level three and ran out of room on my level three page now i have level four
yeah we'll level up after you guys defeated all those automatons i feel like we really grew
as people you did you learned a lot uh we
uh well i guess we did oh it tastes better on the toilet i forgot my boyfriend died but you didn't
die i did you loved him i loved him and he loved me you burned him did i burn him if you electrified
his body until he lit on fire bramble i've been calling him brad i thought it was brimble
no brimble's my character on hogwarts oh wolfard brimley the guy with diabetes no he's dead
is he though is he dead yeah still diabetes got him yeah finally caught up with him
all right all right what are we doing all right so you leveled up after that all right so summer
your dexterity modifier becomes a plus four all right on level up
uh to level four level four yes and you said dex is is plus four plus four
so you should be at 17 for dexterity well right now it just says plus three so i'm gonna change
that to plus four yeah which would be seven should be 17 all right can i i'm just looking at your sheet
i'm i'm going over right now i'm in it you're you're gonna fix it yeah okay uh your attack bonus and
your damage for dexterity based attacks such as your lawn bone increased by one
my my my attack bonus is plus eight now for your lawn bow it'll be plus eight
i gotta go grab a pen to write that down all right bitch got him right in the pussy
got him what's that thing that people do in like like it's like out right in the pussy
no i don't know that there's like some kind of guy like dude that every now and then they'll like
that's like a like a it's like it's like when they used to do like
baba booey baba booey you're not supposed to say oh really yeah you're not supposed to say what
uh i got him in the pussy there's something like that your modifier to dexterity saving throws
increases by one yep which you really haven't done i don't even know what that means your
modifier to dexterity based skills increases by one don't know what that means either
uh while you wear light or no armor your armor classes increases by one nice so you should be at 16 yep
i already did the decks on mine and my sheet so
okay
nope
i updated your armor class and your initiative increases by one
diggity diggity diggity what does that mean
i don't know i don't see anything on here for it for initiative yeah
uh
i don't know i don't know how to do initiative just because the machine does it for us
oh it says right here i have it on the back here yeah your initiative increases by one
so what is it i don't know what that means
yeah i don't see uh there's not like a
oh oh it says initiative modifier there it is what is where
where do you see it any it's on your uh it's all the way to the right so if you click on your
oh i just see an initiative modifier under proficiency yeah so anytime you roll initiative you'll get plus
four instead of plus three but why was i getting that before what is it even based on
oh i see it there there's a spot for it on the on the on the sheet yeah
no on uh the paper sheet too i don't know yeah i saw okay
all right here tiger you'll also really enjoy this pen i bought
oh it's a hot dog it might be a hot dog if you can ride you got a
yeah cute yeah everyone loved it at the casino
it's a big hit you made a hit huh it was it was a big hit
does everyone want to talk about your little wiener
yeah they started calling it a little wiener and i got really offended horny
no i got really demotivated so i didn't find a new job so you quit
that that was doing for me too
all right so jerry oh his name is brimble
oh
all right all right you learned one more wizard cantrip of your choice oh goodness um
what are their cantrips save fireball i don't know if they're where do i find cantrips like
are they on that guy i gotta go online
i don't know it says your spell book contains these first levels oh
can't so i'm at i'm at 27 100 xp right sure i'm just looking at my shit i know let's just go with that
well we're not really counting points are we yeah we're not really counting it like that
yeah fair enough copying a spell into the book when you find a wizard spell you can add it to your
spell book if it is a level for which you have spell slots oh it doesn't help
so you've been carrying around a book this whole time yeah it's in my pocket it's in my pocket
it's a magical book
all right i don't know what cantrips uh yeah go ahead look up cantrips
i mean they they probably have them in i was just looking at the book and under cantrips it just says
tells me that it's something that you can pass without
no and i they probably haven't foundry oh is this can does a cantrip count as a spell
i think so it's a type of spell there's like two types cantrips are what i can do repeatedly
yeah without without using a spell slot yeah so it's important
i will be invisible
one of the best spells i mean i miss fireball but god damn invisibility
all right anson light lights is one of them mac would love that one
hey kid i'm a computer
stop all the downloading
oh fireball is a spell yeah
so i've got dancing lights
dancing robot you create up to four torch sides lights within range making them appear as torches
lanterns are going orbs that hover in the air for the duration you can also combine the four
four lights into one gone vaguely humanoid form of medium size whichever form you choose each light
sheds dim light on a 10 foot radius
and you can move them
guidance
what is the one that you have ice wall of ice no ray of frost frost but he also has mage hand
pressed his press digitation
pressed the digitation and ray of frost yeah
press digitation is the dumbest thing i've ever fucking seen you could probably
uh you have guidance which is you touch one willing creature once before the spell ends the target
can roll a d4 and add the number rolled to one ability check of its choice
oh fire bolt is a cantrip i might get fire bolt
just because i could use some fire bolt and you know
fireball is a third level spell
where are you getting these from it's they're in foundry i just typed in fire
like where'd you type it in at uh if you go you know like where the chat is
yeah yeah yeah and compendium there's a there's a spells one
oh it's under let's see where where is that item and then just keep scrolling it's towards the bottom
spells and then srd which is standard rules dictionary or something
what the hell oh he's pissed
did you find it no oh uh no it says like resistance which is an
a
abjuration cantrip it just says you touch one willing creature once before the spell ends the
target can roll a d4 and add the number rolled to one save and throw of its choice okay it can roll
roll the dive of four after it makes a save and throw let me see what you touch
oh here sacred flame
sacred flame flame like radiance descends on a creature within range that you can see the target
must succeed on a dexterity saving throw or take 1d8 raging damage the target gains no benefit from
cover for the saving throw that's pretty cool
figure you might like that i don't remember like the other ones you suggested because i don't
they weren't that good
and the d that the spell thing i will get it's not working for me it's like not searching
fire enter
no nothing's coming up or which are you sure it's it's not the one that says ddb spells right it is
okay not that one don't don't pick that one pick keep scrolling down there's one that spells it
it starts with s there's nothing before it oh srd yeah i don't know what the ddb i think ddb that's
dnd beyond you like import them
is there any any of them that gives your daughter bigger boobs
uh astral projection yeah bark skin project me a bigger boob three just one yes no three i want a
third one oh you just want one additional boob that's bigger than the other two oh man i wish i
that's freakishly that's i mean they're not all they're not all cantrips they'll say cantrip
underneath or you could have the
the maturgy
ball maturgy
where does it say cantrip at so if you open it up there's like three columns right underneath the like
the name yeah and so if it says like eighth level or some other level that's not a cantrip that's the
same column that it'll say cantrip is the cantrip the first one
because i'm not seeing if it's saying so far none of the ones i've picked to say cantrip it's kind of
like it's kind of hard for me to tell which ones are cantrips and which ones aren't yeah
but you want that the srd skills right that's where i'm at yeah
magic am i right guys yeah so open up like what was it dancing lights yeah
yeah dancing lights is a cantrip you you'll see it there okay cool
those are the ones that i read off are the ones that you could get
oh you can't get any of them you can't take any of them
whatever's in in this book oh so then you shouldn't even be looking in here
he's gonna get well no because i can look them up and uh oh okay
can you give me the and read it can you give me the names again
so there was dancing lights dancing dancing robots
yeah dancing robots
dancing lights
okay uh guide guidance guidance guidance
uh light
well you already have mage hand so i don't need that
uh press uh you're ahead press identification
red cross you have resistance
rise of
yes sacred flame
oh sacred flame
that's that's the one i figured you would want to take
it sounded pretty cool actually
i didn't see this one shocking grasp
is that where i grab you
it's it is
oh it's like it's like the emperor palpatine but he has to touch you
what
is that all of them uh no there's one more where it was
uh
thaumaturgy
oh
all right
see tiger spell that one
no
thaumaturgy
that doesn't help that's exactly what i wrote
no thou
oh
that was a b
thaumaturgy
what is this transmutation you carry one of the magical effects
you cause flames to flicker
you cause harmless tremors in the ground for one minute
you cause an unlocked door or window to fly open or slam shut
what is this that's what mage hand would do
you alter the appearance of your eyes for one minute
eyes are off
tiger t-h-a-u
oh
m-a-t-u-r-g-y
oh man i i like i missed every single vowel
t-h-a-u
yeah okay
matt
urgy
sacred flame
i figured you'd probably want the sacred flame but
um
yeah probably i mean that does
i mean this
thought energy could
seems like it could be
useful
so
it was just
dancing robots
what's that the shocking grass
shocking
shocking is it shocking grasp or shock and grasp
got him by the grass
got him by the pussy
that one's
i don't think you can say that
oh thanks trump
i don't think you ever should have said it
fine i won't ever say it jesus
yes you will you'll say we're never gonna we're never gonna get to the end
told you
thanks obama
remember when that was a thing
yeah
i miss i missed that man
he's still alive
i so
i'm gonna do shocking grass shocking grasp for this one
because that sounds pretty cool and i like lightning fingertips
shocking
grass
these are all level four spells right
yeah
i don't think
wait hold on do they have levels if they're cantrips
yeah because that uh
when you reach fifth level it's 2d8 instead of one
oh
okay
and i i just get the one cantrip right
yeah
lightning springs from your hand
you have other stuff
what
you have other stuff coming too
ooh
no i mean it's not nothing like that
is it more spiders
more spiders is that what you said
yeah
all right your intelligence increases to 18
your intelligence modifier becomes plus four which is exactly what just happened
your spell slaven throw dc increases by one
your bonus for for your spell attacks increases by one
so do i mean i have to add a bonus and a modifier to my attacks from here on out
uh instead of saying plus two you just you just add plus three
bad
your modifier to intelligence saving throws increases by one
and your modifier to intelligence based skills increases by one
so we really haven't done much of that
yeah that's a that's a little
i don't know what's going on i just want my lightning fingertips
yeah but now you can
you have four first level spells
and three second level spells you can cast
and tiger roll me
tender
no
uh what is it for one d10 plus two
four first level spells and what was the other second three second level spells
and can i i can i have those loaded up at all at once so i have like that means i have like what seven
uh yeah okay yeah but yeah so you can only cast
four of them at what at the first level three yet
second level
okay tiger your hp goes up by six points yeah
yeah
so you're now at 31
i was wondering if my hp was gonna go up
yeah i just thought about that uh boo roll me one d6 plus two
twenty seven hundred
nice
so your
your max hit points go up by eight
okay so my max hit points were i don't remember
14 14 14 so up by eight yep so you're at 22
ooh blackjack
nailed it
i'll never go to the casino
oh so close
well there i think there's like a spanish blackjack where
oh no it's for the dealer if the dealer gets 22 then everybody pushes
they push them down
they fight them
they just attack them
just attack them automatically
oh
shit
okay you guys ready for
the treasure treasure room
that you're diving into
diving into
i'm still kind of shocked i
you know what i'm taking it a little bit harder
brimble's death than you might expect
his name wasn't brimble
it's always been brimble
i don't think
he's just been calling him brad
i've been calling him brad that was my pet name for him
i mean you don't listen to me and respect me as a woman
i try to but then you do things like this
where you fall in love with
this all happening while you're midair
jerry
oh no
you are like
this is just backwards talk
we've had this discussion before
he saw how sad you are so he cast mage hand on himself to hold himself up
make sure you're fine
is that can i do that because that is that made that
no
main champion can only hold like
i think it's like 15 pounds
well so you're nuts
all right
uh jerry give me a
athletics check
yeah baby
all right you dive right into it
yeah baby
you slid right in
baby
like a glove
yeah i already read off the description you guys right
no
well maybe i don't remember
you were pissed about like you get what we're supposed to
because my boyfriend died
oh yeah
he wasn't your boyfriend he didn't even know your name
yeah what am i supposed to spend this on we haven't even come to a store yet
this room looks a whole lot like the movie about that weirdo with the candy factor
the scene with the with all the kids where the one gets sucked up into the pipe remember that
it's like that
and treasure everywhere there's a massive treasure chest perched on a toadstool
in one of the corners of the room the chest is made of wood the toadstool is
made of sapphires a geyser of gold and platinum coins cascades from a fountain
in the wall
forming a makeshift river of fortune that bisects the room
a bridge across the river is made of diamonds and trees along its banks are glitter and rubies
gorgeous emerald meadows cover the rest of the room glittered with flowers crafted
from a percolescent white material probably pearl all things considered
donuts
uh wow gold
and rubies and gems come on in summer it's great the temperature is perfect i'm not sure i want to roll
for anything it never turns out my way but i'm gonna take this and i grab some earrings
from a tree an earring tree of gold
gold earrings you know what the pearl the diamond the pearl diamond gold earrings
okay
i'm just back stroking through the uh through all the money and uh you know really i'm really trying to
pretend like i'm scrooge mcduck right now and not jerry as cure terrified of his mind
that's all you want to do yeah i'm oh i'm pocketing a bunch you're okay yeah you're probably breathing
some of it in yeah yeah but you spit it out no for later you know for pooping
thanks gold pooping i have my fiber with my cheerios
all right you just gonna chill out here for the rest of your life
i mean um i don't have a really good reason to continue but i don't really have a good reason to
stay so i'll continue pocket as much money as possible i want you out of my house
and nobody wants to explore this giant chest in the i'm going to explore the giant chest i run up to it
all right roll a d4
all right
so we roll wait there was a giant chest i said it i wasn't listening there's a massive
treasure chest perched on a toadstool in one corner of the room i didn't know what a toadstool was
it's a mushroom oh it's a stool dude so my dad has a he go when he goes to the doctor he brings with
him he asked the doctor sample sample and he pulls out a little glass jar with a tiny stool in it
oh and he's been doing that for years yeah i know he had a he had like five of them on his desk when
he had an office and then i found out he did it to my dentist once
charming man anyway continue what if he said go on smell it
all right you rolled a three yeah is that good so you open the lid and inside is a top hat made of
gold worth no no no no no you can't give that to him he's gonna abuse it this head where grants it
swear a plus five bonus to all saving throws
top hat we're never gonna hear the end of this gold what does it have in it sapphires
no no it's just made no he said spiders plus five to all saving throws yeah cool i'll take that
and it's full of spiders it's cursed it's full of spiders yes no and you have to eat them spiders no one said that
listen to this god not the old one oh you said sapphire
no one said sapphire i thought you said spiders oh oh we're never gonna finish now what do i get all
from what this the tree that i pulled these earrings from you get the earrings all right sweet
can i look in the chest too yeah roll a d4
oh
oh two you see nothing because jerry already opened it
no but did he find anything for me maybe he should roll
no he already rolled
roll a d4
you know what all right give me roll a d20 for me
go top i feel like this is not going to turn out well for me
this is some kind of ruse
oh you almost got a 20 uh no you definitely don't see anything
but i get to keep the earrings yes and the spiders on you
does there what spiders
the spiders from jerry's hat there are no spiders in jerry's hat but you do have a ring
uh no it was a fabergé spider yeah
i thought it was a ring
the spider spider what the fuck is that now i gotta i'm gonna google that
you were already googling gold top hat
we all know you were doing that yeah i found a few good pictures i haven't thrown up yet
okay so are you staying in this room leaving what
uh
no i mean i feel like we have to we have to go on that's what he would have wanted oh my god they're
real real yeah there was one on pawn stars that's what's showing
anyway yeah it was worth like 65 000 or something oh how does it translate to gold pieces
uh it's about
125 gold pieces
bitching
yeah all right we should we should go on that's that's what he what he would have wanted
who brad
slash brimble
that guy again honey yes you gotta move on
i'm trying to move on he would have wanted me to move on
yeah i know let's go let's just move on there's more fish lots of fish
let's go get some salmon all right
all right so you leave the room yeah we're looking for salmon now i'm looking for trout
good one all right trouser trout oh no as you try to leave the room
three four foot tall orange people
burst through the door do all the characters now just look like that blonde lady with the scarf
all the comments
they burst through the door and slam the door behind them and then they attack
are we are we still with the why can't we just like not fight for a little while
i just got ahead i just got a hat on my head i just got ahead
they listen roll for initiative
i'm not gonna happy about it no i'm not happy either i don't even know how to do it
14 all right
commoners summer is first i'm gonna light them on fire
is before we start am i uh just so i know uh is all my spells recapped off from last time or am
i still okay i'm just gonna redo all the spells i had for that you had a revigorating swim
that's exactly it a revigorating swim
i don't think that's a word isn't it reinvigorating
magic
all right uh
i am going to longbow them
you can't you can't umbow all of them i can try
if
i
maybe if you're standing in a line
okay go ahead try
i get no i'm not gonna try i'll just shoot the
bitchiest one
all right all right i'll assume that is this one right here
here they all look the same to me they are exactly the same
roll a d20 please plus seven plus eight sorry oh that's just damage
yeah 24 all right what is your
so roll a d10 plus three blows her tits off jesus christ
so doing nine damage and that one is dead yeah wow we're so powerful
this other commenter seeing that goes up and attacks
summer i'm summer
you are correct
have a cookie
i'm assuming that is not going to hit no we're too powerful
okay jerry it's your turn
uh i'm oh lightning fingers these guys
oh lightning
yes
can trip city
shocking grass leave it
shocking gramp
all right all right roll one d8
okay
i don't know id8
not an id8
seven
doing seven damn it wait which one did you attack
the one that's nearest uh summer
okay oh thanks dad
and that one is dead
yeah
oh my god
so this one's
that's make sure make sure you guys recognize i did it with my hands like
yeah
it's it's called shocking grass dude count dooku when he does it and like is he like if you watch
it he makes his hands like super straight like
yeah yeah he is a small spread out all right so the other one comes up and attacks
zap
jerry
no
oh
uh i'm gonna long bow him too
it's not your turn
okay that is not gonna hit either now it's my turn
now it is your turn
uh
i assume you're going to long bow
yeah
okay i have unlimited arrow
hey critical
yeah
he got a critical all right so roll
two d10s plus three
dope
again yeah it's my first day
all right
one is dead as well
you guys defeated that
it sucks that uh
to be a commoner i guess
yeah
commoner more like gone on her
all right as they fall
they all drop 1 000 gold pieces out of their pockets that they got from killing other adventurers
wow
so this guy's must have really sucked
3 000 gold pieces
whoa not all to you though
i have enough i have what you don't want money
i don't want money yeah but i don't want you to have it
what does that mean you become so greedy i'm not
greedy
you're greedy
i'm gonna take care of this money
you're irresponsible
and
and boy hungry
so hungry
so
okay so now you guys are walking through the door
yeah why not
yeah okay
how much money did i take out of there
like
3 000 right
well well 3 000 from the losers and
don't give me a number
five
five gold
five gold that's what you got
in my pockets
that you took yeah
oh
five big pieces
i mean the gold coins are gold coins
one gold piece is worth one gold piece
we've literally we've literally never bought anything
we've
we have i have no idea what this is worth
17 dollars
and change
so you get 17 gold pieces
oh
so you have
3 000 and 17 gold pieces
i'll take it
all right
you're over
i'm not gonna argue
i had five the last time i talked
all right so as you walk through the door you hear a sinister laugh
and both give me a perception check
okay
percepts
both of you feel like
everything
every piece of treasure you took
from this entire dungeon is gone
wow
huh
every
wow
single
piece
even my bottle
this whole place sucks
even your earrings
and your fabergé spider
they disappeared
gone
what about my top hat
gone
the top hat
gone
every piece of treasure
and boo
or jerry you look down and you notice
this weird tattoo on your arm
kind of makes you look like a douche from the 90s
it's a tribal tattoo on your bicep
oh
wow
tribal
it really fills out your
is it like what your
is it like what your dad
does your dad have a tribal tattoo
i'm not like making fun
doesn't he
no
what does he got
that new
he's got a
he's got a cobra
he's got a cobra on one arm
roses on the other
and some god
and some god awful
off the wall
peace sign tattoo
that's vicious
it's it's
i mean it's
well done but it's a stupid tattoo
oh my god
what you don't agree
i would never say it so forcefully
oh he doesn't listen to this does he
he he might now
oh boy
well if he does listen to it
it's a fine tattoo
so what are you stupid you can't take
you can't just take this stuff
you're like that shitty grandpa who made his family do all the work
is this metaphor effective at all
i just wanted to give you stuff and take it away to make you rich
guy gags ricks
well that's not very nice
gary guy gags
so then you go
guy gags ricks
rick
keep saying ricks i don't know why
all right now what is this
oh we're outside
where do you dweebs think you're going there's no room there i should know don't you think
i invented this dungeon don't no hey hey quit walking over there
we're walking over okay what okay what the fuck i didn't put this room here
so which one of you clouds did now listen you think it's funny to mess with the bricky gold
grandpa rick but i have way more good years left than any of you do so hey hey who the hell are
you what is this you can't just get your hands off me where are you taking me
are we do we apprehend him
uh sorry about sorry about how mean this dungeon has been so far
this is a nice room shafts of golden light filter in from some unknown source hundred of
butterflies flip gently across the room sometimes laying on beautiful flowers growing out of the walls
and floor somewhere in the ceiling speakers place soothing new agey music
oh
as soon as you enter a butterfly lands on jerry
was that a scared ooh
no i was just you know charmed
baby baby
as as as soon as it lands on you you feel a little bit restored you gained a health point
sweet i didn't even know i lost a health point
and so you were down one from the last fight
just one
yeah so now you're fully healed fully healed by butterfly yeah i have some weird notes on this my last
my last my last date says covered in pots and pans armor
that was you're doing that really was you're doing yeah
mine says sharp pizza
it was also you're doing
oh yeah i guess it was all right what are you guys doing
uh i say nice butterfly dude
thank you it healed me i feel great like a butterfly
cool
i don't i was a little bit unclear all that talking
where was that coming from it's kind of like a fourth wall breaking kind of thing
but is it like over like a pa system type thing no it's just there oh he keeps popping in and out
i feel like it's i feel like it's supposed to be rick is the game master so he's playing the game
master and then we're supposed to be both jerry and kira and summer and you know
yeah
so it's kind of like a fourth wall kind of thing i see well it's
it's meta it's meta so it's smart
it's smart
don't attack me
don't attack me all right what do you guys do
i'm gonna just uh i don't know do this room do it really good i start walking forward and looking for more more more beautiful butterflies
there's a bunch of butterflies flitting all around you all right can i grab another one can i put my finger up and i try to catch one
give me an animal control check
or an animal handling
we've never had to use that one before guys
not in this game i thought we did but i can't remember for what
and i did it you did
butterflies butterfly boy
you butter boy
oh three
butter boy
three monarch butterflies land on your finger
and bite you heal for three points but you're already fully healed so
so it's just you know for fun
it is just for fun
do you guys ever go butterfly catching apparently that was a popular hobby back in the day with nets and everything
back in back in the day like the 1890s
yeah
back when they still had butterflies
right
and bees
yeah yeah the monarch butterflies population has decreased by like 95 percent
i'm terribly allergic to bees
you're what i'm terribly allergic to bees
that is not
i'm sensitive at all
oh sensitive i mean
i'm especially sensitive to bees
i i'm gonna kind of walk around this uh little atrium of trees and look around
sorry give me a perception check
and i'd like to touch some of the flowers with my fingers
okay
you
you somehow don't even see the flowers
this is stupid
i i hate
i really i really hate perception checks
it's stupid it adds nothing
it could have
it does nothing but but take
well
i want to do
i want to do can i do a perception check
for what
just looking around
yeah
21
again
a net
a net 20
blackjack
roll two
that is blackjack yeah go to the casino now
spanish
you see you see you see these this certain section of flowers is really beckoning
beckoning you towards it
almost like it wants you to take one with you
take a whiff
yeah pick one pick one flower like it wants you to pick one flower and take it with you
oh take it with me okay i thought you said take a whiff you know like
with you sorry
oh
all right yeah cool i uh i i grabbed the prettiest one and put it in my lapel
all right
with that
you become paralyzed
you have advantage on charisma checks and charisma saving throws for the next 24 hours
wow
all right advantage
he's really getting shit
uh
i
am jealous and i'm starting to look for something of my own to stick in my lapel
uh
there are
butterflies and flowers are there
other types of
trees
there are some trees give me a nature
give them a nature which is again another thing i don't think we've ever used
get a tent yeah you you
can i climb the tree
no they're not that big it's like a nursery
can i hug it
you can go up and touch it
i'd like to
really wrap my hands around it
okay
and shake it
did you say and
shit no
and shake it
oh shake it okay
all right you shake it and
an avocado falls off
nice
i eat it
it's
very unripe
i keep eating it
you can't
or like what
what i mean like
am i just gonna carry it around until it ripens
yeah
whatever you millennials are into
no i throw it away
i don't want this avocado anymore
this place sucks
how come how come jerry gets all the cool stuff
can i pocket the avocado
sure
no your pockets are full of five gold
no he got stolen
yeah i lost my hat so this avocado we might need this later
yeah why don't you turn that into a hat
avocado hat
yeah
because i can't
oh
excellently done
what
excellently done
all right well
i pocketed the avocado and i'm kind of making my way
just uh embracing the air
all right
um
i'm making my way to the center of the atrium
my charisma is really high right now
it is really high
i'm so charismatic right now
no charismatic
anything else
is there is there like a body of water
no
like a little pond maybe
no
a puddle
no
a bubbler
no
fountain
no water
no water at all then how do the plants live
don't worry about it
what's the dirt like
moist
i'd like to stick my fingers into it
and give me a nature check
yep it's dirt
does it feel good on my skin
yes
is there any succulents
no
is there are there any aloe trees
no you already
uh
you already
looked at all the trees
and there's no there's no windows
aren't there skylights or something
i mean yeah
there there's artificial sunlight coming in
oh
okay
so no skylights
all right
i guess uh
i've already seen everything there is to see here
do you want your avocado back
no i don't want that
never
you keep it you turn into a hat
it's your new top
turn into a hat
very top hat
okay
yeah i'm done with this room
i'm over
all right
so you're leaving
yeah
all right
as soon as
summer walks out the door
all the rest of the butterflies turn into gold and fall to the ground
gold pieces
my butterflies with gold pieces
are they real gold or are they actually just gold foil with chocolate inside
no it's gold
i pocket a bunch of them
okay so i'm just gonna say you pocket all of them because you're a cheap bastard
you got to pay rent this month
so you get 282 gold pieces
butterflies
this is the year of jerry
280
280 because a couple of butterflies landed on you
they use up their magic
well i came out of this all right you know i went in and came out with the three three three
three thousand and seventeen and then all those went now and back to you know
it's a small investment you know a little nest egg
it's not really an investment
what
huh
you know
all right
sometimes you got to invest in yourself summer
take that as a lesson
i did invest in myself
you invested yourself in a boy
yes and that's where i got all my self-worth
your boy hungry honey
you've got to stop the feast
i'm so hungry
stop the feast
never
you're not the boss of me down here
as you draw near to this room you hear the sounds of rattling bones
not in a spooky way in a fun way
like a xylophone
once you enter the room a group of skeletons appears to be examined something set up
on a stand between them but you can't quite see what it is
bone crafted sculptures adorn the room or wait is that one sculpture actually a drum set
so once they spotted you one of the skeletons gestures wildly beckoning you to come over
the other skeletons look over and also start gesturing
it's just fun skeletons
they can't be that bad they gotta be good
uh
all right hello skeletons
hey they can't really talk because they don't have a voice box
oh man they're so the realistic skeletons that's the worst time
so once you come over once you move closer
it's clear the skeletons are crowning around a xylophone made of bones
i knew it
skeletons can't play it though because each of them already has an instrument
all right i played the xylophone do i have xylophone skills
as soon as you pick up the xylophone mallets the skeletons run to other nearby bone instruments
two guitars a drum set an upright bass and a sax of bone
all right
x the bone
uh
so the then the skeletons start playing and encourage you to start playing i start playing smoke on the water
all right roll me uh give me a performance check
who what what instrument do you pick up
what are the instruments again
there's really no you just get to pick an instrument
all right i uh i pick a bongo
okay a bone bongo a bongo a bongo yeah all right so both of you give me a performance
check with advantage
double advantage no
no
all right
i successfully play the easiest
summer they're all like they're all jamming along with you
uh jerry which is true to form they they come over take away your bongo
oh and they give hand you a tambourine
the boobie the boobie instrument
they give you uh maracas
maracas all right yeah something you really can't fuck up
yeah but he's he's gonna rock it
i am impressed i have all these things that read a little bit of a
uh
so after this after the song uh smoke on the water is done playing the skeletons
so
and just joyous
uh and since summer did so good
yeah
really quickly yeah
roll a decent roll a decent
oh just
five
they give you an upright base that's well it's made out of bone
oh
does it have strings
the base is made out of bones
yes
strings are made of ligaments
nice
yes
should i attack them with it
you
why would you do that you just had a good time
if you want to
no
it's just like our band practice like all those years ago when you hit me with the guitar
stand
i was a different person back then i was angry
i was going through puberty
what's your excuse today i've really calmed down i'm boy hungry
his character is still going through puberty
you just threatened to hit the band you're in right now
i didn't i i asked for an opinion and you said no and i took your opinion into consideration
so now what
i say hey skeletons i'd like to give them a high five
a high bone
a big old bone
big old bone
the main bone
clone bone
give me a
performance check
how about a dexterity check
i didn't like it
how about performance
doesn't make any sense
one
you miss their hand and smack them straight in the forehead
oh great i'm sure i
i'm sure i insulted their family
so
the skeleton that you smacked just looks around
at the other at the other
other skeletons and they all just start laughing and pointing at you
all right we're friends still
and then the the drummer comes over and just kind of ushers you out of the room
whoa
see ya
are we still gonna mate up later for after drinks
after after show drinks
after party
they are unable to talk
well that was
pretty cool
a distinctly
earthy
earthy smell
wafts towards you as you approach the door ahead
you hear snuffling and snorting an occasional vexed grumbling sound
oh boy i can smell this room
this odiferous room is overflowing with piles of hay lawn branches and dozens of bones picked clean of meat
feathers have formed downy beds where they drifted into the dim rooms of dim corners of the room
a particularly large pile of hay amidst the stufflin sound heard before
oh it looks like there's an owl bear down there
an owl bird
yeah
owl bear
what do you want with us monster
so
the owl bear that you
notice just looks at you turns its head
and it extracts itself from its pile of hay reveal and the rest of its snowy white urside body
a rough of iridescent feathers marks it as a particularly majestic female
she snuffles the air in the character's direction gives a warm grunt
i think he just wants
did he say iridescent
uh
no
serpine
ursine
iridescent
i rub its belly
once you start to get close to it to rub its belly
and looks at the shelves that are broken in the nest
and like pushes them towards them and gives a low growl
not growl like a like a sigh
uh oh i see you want me to fix these shelves
i will fix them to you because i am but a carpenter
it's funny you're not a carpenter
i have carpenter's tools
you made a fort once and a bar
yeah but i have carpenter's tools which means i'm a carpenter they don't just hand those out
well i can't argue with that
all right give me a uh
carpenter check
uh survival check
are you sure
all of us
is that for both of us no just uh summer okay
uh survival okay
yeah 10 so you start to work towards the shelves
and putting them back together but the
the
the owlbear
isn't really happy with that and like breaks them up
oh you hate these shelves then is any of them unbroken
no there's two uh there's two broken shelves sitting in the nest and she just looks very very sad
uh can i look inside them are they are there dead owlbears in there
no
i'm a bear there are not dead owlbears
oh
uh
let's see can i
is it make sense to make them even more broken
i don't know i just
she clearly hates them
is she missing her babies
maybe we could pretend to be their bait her babies
what
where do you get these ideas from i don't want to fight it i want it to be my friend
it's the only thing i can think of
well honey if this will help you get over real from burly
i'll go pretend to be that owlbears babies
uh
jerry picks up some of the some of the feathers and fluff that's laying around and attaches it to himself and goes over and pretends to be a baby
does summer do the same thing
uh
yeah
okay
so you lay in the nest with her and the bow
the owlbear looks very
thankful
looks very
satisfied decides to lay down and she closes her eyes
nice
i don't like that look of satisfaction she had in her eyes honey
i don't know it's kind of nice
i don't know i don't
i've seen the look of satisfaction before i never wanted to see it again
and as she she starts walking around to like circle you guys you see that the door is right behind her
all right
uh
do i have any food
i
assume
you have some type of food
yeah you have 10 days of rations
all right i would like to
put a ration on the floor
okay
and head towards the door but walking backwards
okay
cherry
um
where'd you go
you repeat that towards the door
i'm following behind you
okay i'm walking backwards
why
because i want to keep my eyes on the owlbear
owlbear
okay so
you walk out the door successfully without waking the bear
the owlbear
the bar
sometimes you eat the bar
sometimes you cuddle the bar and leave
good old cuddle bar
cuddle bar
even from a distance it's easy to see that this room wasn't intended to be easily accessed
chunks of stone and wood lie strewn outside the door which is riddled with broken locks
magic wands
oh magic words sizzle ineffectively their power reduced to nothing at the same time warm rays of
white beckon you inside you feel pushed towards the room which might be due to the floor
be beginning to gently tilt toward the battered doorway
uh
rat row rat row rat row
the enter the room
the enter the room a simple wooden table bearing a small squarish cloth covered object sits in the middle of the room
patterns of scintillate
scintillating green stones cover the walls and floors
what do you do
i don't know i'm relatively terrified i don't think this is as good as it could be
we were just coming with a nice cuddly owl and now we're
we should go back
no honey you have to go forward i'll go back
as you turn around the door locks
summer open this door right now
with what my magic
uh well a little maybe with your attitude
i'm trying as hard as i can it's not opening is it
no
uh
can i
i start
i start exploring around looking around uh trying to
at least pretend like i know what i'm doing but i don't and i'm terrified
all right all right give me a perception check
oh god i knew you were gonna say that
oh no
you perceive nothing
oh classic line classic line
back from the past
back from the dead past
i mean it never stopped
magic mountain baby
um
um i would like to shoot an arrow
at
straight ahead
i'm mad
okay
but i don't
i want to
but i do not
okay
um
i'm gonna get a pop
you're gonna get a pop
yes
is this is this you saying you want to take a break
no we don't need to take a break i just would like to get a pop
from where
the kitchen
oh okay so take like a quick break
i mean you guys could go with you guys can go on without me
or we could take a break i guess
short break
yeah let's just take a quick break
are you drunk
no
you're drunk
no
Thank you.
All right, let's continue without him.
Ah.
What do you want to do?
I don't know.
Oh, he's back. He's going to get pissed.
That's fine.
Hide your tits.
I heard what you guys said.
No, you didn't.
Yeah, that was so cool.
All right.
That was so cool.
Where's your pop?
Turn it a pop.
Is that your seltzer water you always drink?
It's black.
No.
But is that like your soda stream you make?
Oh, no.
No, it's Dr. Pepper.
It's like strawberry cream.
It's really weird, but good.
Oh, fantastic.
Yeah, I know.
I was really excited to have another one.
And then you guys gave me a bunch of shit for it.
So technically, Dr. Pepper, you know, that's 24 bold flavors in that drink now?
25.
No, 25.
Holy shit.
Yeah, I know.
That's 24 more than the body's supposed to take at one point in time.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no.
He's going to explode.
Flavors.
The doctor's the one that gave it to you.
Oh, that's right.
At least that's what he told me.
Maybe some kind of flim-flam, man.
Flim-flam.
I love that term.
I don't get to use it at all.
All right.
Can I walk down the center of this hallway?
I mean, this picture is pretty accurate of what we're looking at.
Okay.
I'm going to slowly walk down the corridor.
Okay.
You walk down the middle of the room, dazzled by these green stones around you, up to the
simple wooden table with a square-ish cloth-covered object sitting in the middle of it.
Um...
Is this...
I mean, I'm not trying to get more information than I'm supposed to have, but is it...
Is this, like, the game for, like, the dungeon master?
Does it look like a menacing...
Does, like...
So, but there's a...
It's a guy in the...
Up there.
Does he look like...
There's no guy.
Does he look like he's a master of a dungeon?
Yes.
Does he...
Does he look like he's mastering this dungeon right now?
Does he have a protractor?
Oh, yes.
It's a delicious mystery, isn't it?
Oh, I'm delicious.
You feel that only good things hide beneath this cloth.
It's going to feel so nice to pull off that cloth.
You take a moment to feel grateful for your opposable thumbs, which allow you to pull off the cloth things on tables.
How lucky you are.
All right.
I'll bite.
I'm going to pull the cloth.
All right.
Give me an investigation check.
All right.
Removing the cloth reveals a framed portrait of Rick, Beth, Summer, and Morty smiling widely.
A jerry-shaped hole has been cut out of the portrait.
Uh-oh.
This is what he had locked up so tight in here.
Rick's weakness is his family.
Absolutely impossible.
He doesn't even like them.
Wait.
They look an awful lot like you two.
They do.
Except one of us.
That makes this easy.
The green stones around the characters begin to shake, ripping themselves out of the floor and walls.
Uh-oh.
Give me a dexterity saving throw.
Oh, one of us gets bonuses on saving throws, don't they?
Or was that just from the hat?
I think that was just from the hat.
All his power was in the hat.
But Tiger.
Yeah.
Summer has a dexterity saving throw increase by one.
Oh, that's what I was remembering.
So it wasn't the hat.
Do I have to do anything?
I just do normal, right?
Yeah, you're just normal.
15, 17.
I don't know if this plus...
No, it's supposed to be plus four, right?
Or is it supposed to be plus...
It doesn't matter.
You passed.
I kind of want to know, though.
Okay.
It is plus four total, yeah.
I thought I fixed that.
I thought so, too.
It says 17.
It was 16.
Oh, maybe I need to change it to plus...
Can you change the plus?
Oh, it says plus five now.
There we go.
All right.
I think I got it.
But it doesn't matter.
Okay.
The stones regroup themselves into the form of a snarling young green dragon.
Oh, no.
He's friendly, though, right?
Huh?
He's friendly, though, right?
Can I rub his belly?
You cannot.
He is very...
Oh, wait.
I got this.
There's francing around this fucking thing.
As the stones fly up from the floor, they reveal a 20-foot deep pit with a humanoid lion at the bottom.
Oh, my God.
What does that even mean?
A humanoid lion.
Like cats?
Like the cowardly lion?
Oh, I'll cancel them all that.
Roll for initiative.
Oh, we're fighting.
No, we're going to fucking die.
Yeah.
If I were the king of the forest...
Oh, we're going to fucking die.
Yeah, but...
All right.
Both of you give me a perception check.
All right.
Who was that?
Jerry sees that it is Rick Sanchez himself, dressed in wizardly garb and clearly unconscious.
Where is he?
It also looks like a lion?
He's in a 20-foot hole.
Next to the lion.
What lion?
There's a humanoid lion.
Lion.
Like...
No, not lion.
Like, he's laying on the ground.
What did you think we were talking about, Andy?
Well, we were making all those lion references.
I have no fucking idea.
Okay, that's a lot.
That makes a lot more sense.
I thought we were facing a dragon and a lion.
That's a man dressed up like a lion.
Oh, fuck.
That's good.
All right.
So, Rick's fucked.
We're fucked.
We're gonna fucking die.
Yeah.
Hold on.
I forgot to make a token for Rick.
Well, he's not gonna roll for initiative.
Rick, don't roll.
He don't roll that way.
He don't roll no way.
He's a humanoid lion right now.
Just imagining Rick dressed up as a lion, dressed up as a wizard.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Oh, wow.
That's great stuff.
Oh, holy thought.
Seriously, I totally thought that Rick was down in the bottom of that pit with a humanoid lion.
I did too.
I wasn't kidding.
I wasn't being cute.
I thought you said there was a humanoid lion.
No, I have a...
But that's not what we...
That's totally different than what we heard.
It was definitely a humanoid lion there.
He wasn't lying.
Yes, you have a terrible enunciation problem, Andy, and you need to work on that.
Or is that an ING?
I do.
Yes.
And it's not something I need to work on.
It's just...
I can't...
Otherwise, you'll never be hired.
You're unhirable.
At this point in his life...
At this point in his life, it's not a character...
It's a character trait, not a flaw.
Yeah, at this point in life, it's too late.
It's a character trait.
It's too late.
Thank you.