I got Bridget the other night. Do you guys know who Yaddle is?
Yeah, I do. Yeah.
Doesn't he have great hair?
I think it's a she.
Doesn't she have great hair?
No.
I was like, she's like, is there anybody else like Yoda around?
I'm like, yeah, there's another one on the council.
He has great hair.
We looked him up and he does have great hair.
I think she has disgusting hair.
Wow, that's racist or speciesist.
Or sexist.
Yeah, that's some great looking hair right there, you know.
I didn't know there was a girl, though.
I do feel bad about that.
I mean, yeah, I think it's better than Yoda's hair.
That's what I'm saying.
I mean, I didn't expect it to be like, you know.
Yeah, I didn't expect it to be like human hair.
Yeah, like, you know, almost like a wig.
I don't know.
I guess I expected all the Yoda species to have it to be bald.
I mean, look at Grogu.
He's a baby.
Yeah, he's a baby.
I know, I know.
But I'm just saying, you know.
What are you saying?
Out of the three Yodas I've seen.
Yeah, there he is.
She is.
Scattered legs crossed.
That looks so bad.
That's awesome.
That's some good shit, bro.
Why aren't they called something like the Weez?
The Weez?
No, they don't have a name.
Yeah, they never named it.
I don't think they did.
That was like double.
My God.
So did you pick your spell or what?
Yeah, I'm done.
I was waiting for you guys.
Started distracting us.
Well, we got to talking about Mandalorian.
Who's the one that did that?
Probably the Mandalorian.
That dick.
The big old dick.
They didn't bring back your droid, though.
I was kind of curious if they were actually going to come back.
Oh, I'm sure he's going to come back.
Yeah?
Do you think he's going to come back and save the day at the end of the season?
Who knows?
Do you think he's going to be a little gold?
Maybe.
Did I ever tell you how I got Bridget?
there in The Force Awakens.
I went and saw it with you guys.
I told her she wouldn't recognize.
You said you wouldn't recognize C-3PO?
Yeah.
Because of my new arm.
Or leg.
That's what he said.
You probably don't recognize me because of my new arm.
She really believed me.
That was great.
Great time.
She's probably really mad.
No.
She laughs.
She has to.
All right.
You guys ready to fight this dragon?
Is this music choppy for anyone else?
I don't even have music.
No.
It's fine for me.
There it goes.
I got it going.
Okay.
I had it really low.
Or mute maybe.
Spear of justice, huh?
Oh, I like it.
Oh, the green dragon rolled the lowest initiative.
Do I?
Is there anything going on?
Is the game starting?
No.
The dragon appeared.
Oh, okay.
I just didn't know.
I thought you said initiative.
Jerry upside down.
Because that sounds like something I would be doing right now.
He's not upside down.
Am I in the right game?
It says you're in here.
And then am I upside down?
There's a lot of people in here.
I'm in the lobby.
Yeah, don't go to the lobby.
Activate.
I'm in the lobby, too.
Activate the area.
There we go.
The green dragon.
Okay.
What do you guys do?
Has he attacked us yet?
Are we?
I'm going to try to hide.
Summer.
A dragon.
What?
He just appeared.
And then you see Rick in the hole.
Summer, I think we should leave your grandpa and abandon this.
Because this just got too real for me.
I am not fighting a dragon.
I was promised a lion.
There's no...
That's the thing.
Someone was lying to you about the lion.
Wait.
So what's...
So the dragon appeared.
Does he look mean?
Do you think he'll listen to reason?
Is he intelligent?
Is he like one of those intelligent dragons that we can ask questions and kind of maybe trick?
He's pretty smart.
Is it a slut dragon?
Dragon!
It's a slut dragon.
What do you want from us, dragon?
You all know this dragon's a slut.
The dragon just stares at you and opens his mouth.
So, yeah.
Just give us Grandpa and we won't hurt you.
I will give you a gold top hat.
What do you think of spiders?
You don't have a gold top hat.
I know, but he doesn't know that.
Unless you tell him, because you're the game master.
He does not want to listen to it.
Oh, Jesus.
Alright.
Summer, you got any bright ideas?
Do you want to throw your sword at him?
Well, I have a sword.
Yeah.
You got it back from Brimble?
Oh, no.
I don't think I did.
I guess.
He's dead.
I don't think.
Yeah.
I think you.
I was listening for it.
For you to go to say, pick up your sword, but you never did.
Oh, no.
Is there any rocks or poles I can hide behind?
Yeah.
There's like pillars in the room.
Alright.
I'm gonna hide behind one of those pillars.
Is he watching me?
It's Summer's turn.
I'm Summer.
Hi, Summer.
It's your turn.
Um.
Oh.
It's the initiative.
It's the start hiding.
Yeah.
We rolled initiative last week.
Yeah.
Apparently.
Then I will shoot it.
Alright.
Roll the d20 plus seven, is it?
Plus eight.
Can you try pausing the song and playing it again?
It's just, it's really choppy on my end.
Better or worse?
No, it's, it's not choppy for you, Boo?
No, it's fine for me.
Yeah, it just, it just keeps clicking in and out.
Still?
Yeah, still.
I don't know.
I'm not sure why.
Um.
I, I would just turn it down, except I kind of want to hear it.
And also.
Maybe if, let me, let me re- reload.
See if that helps.
Get the fuck out of here.
Oh, I think that helped.
Alright, you can go back to whatever you had before.
Nope.
I like this one.
Okay.
Summer, your turn.
Alright.
You just said you were going to shoot him, right?
Yeah, I'm going to shoot him.
Okay.
Aim for his eyes.
That way we can maybe survive this.
What?
Aim for his eyes.
That's a dragon's weak point.
Alright, I aim for his eyes.
Does he have eyes?
Aim for his eyes.
Yes.
It's going to be, uh, you're going to roll with disadvantage.
I don't want to do that.
I just want to hit it.
No, actually, I'll go for it.
Okay.
Um, I forgot to roll.
What is it?
D10?
D20.
Oh, D20 first.
Plus eight.
Oh, well, roll them separately so we know.
Okay.
So just roll a 1D20.
Yeah.
Okay, so that's a 26 and then roll another one.
Alright.
So that's a 21.
So that hits.
Yeah!
And I hit him in the eyes?
You do hit him in the eyes.
So roll 2D10.
Plus three.
So usually it's 1D10?
Yeah.
And because it's in his eyes, I get 2D10?
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
2D10.
So 15 damage?
Uh, did I, I didn't put the plus in there?
No.
Okay.
Yeah, I didn't put the plus in there.
Alright.
Okay, boo.
Or Jerry, your turn.
So does the dragon do anything when I shoot him in the eye?
Uh, I mean, he kind of coils back and screams a little bit.
So no.
Um.
I feel like that was pretty epic and there was no reaction here.
I activate a shield.
Is that a can trip?
Uh, no, that's a prepared.
It's a, uh, second level.
That's what he said.
Can do!
Alright.
Until the start of your next turn, you have a plus 5 to AC.
Okay.
Now it's the green dragon's turn.
I'm sure he's friendly.
Dragon!
What's your name?
And, uh, the young green dragon.
Oh, it's young?
Is that why it has a beard?
Is it a teenager?
Summer, you might have a chance with this one.
I had a chance with the last one.
Until you killed him.
I didn't kill him.
He died.
Through your inaction, probably.
Wow.
That's, that's called projecting, Summer.
You think I killed him?
No.
I think you projected that you killed him.
Alright.
So he goes to swipe at, um,
at Summer.
I'm Summer.
Yes.
With disadvantage because he's got an arrow in his eye.
Yeah!
Can't get much worse than that.
Oh, yeah!
Critical fail!
His legs fall off.
He goes to swipe at you.
And falls asleep.
And he just falls down, so now he's prone.
Alright.
I should, I smite him.
You what?
You smite him?
I said that, but I just got caught up in the moment.
It doesn't mean anything.
It does.
I was about to say, what does that mean?
Did you urinate on him?
Uh, I...
Try to...
Try to do a Duke Nukem 3D?
Uh, shit down his neck.
Dad!
Ugh!
I think we should take advantage of his being prone somehow.
What can you do?
Can you do magic?
Yeah, but it's your turn.
Right.
But how...
Can you, like, I don't know, do something cool to me?
I can make you climb a wall as a spider.
Um...
Okay, um...
I'm trying to think of how that can help.
Like, if I did that, then...
I can...
I can put you to sleep?
No.
No, I don't want to go to sleep.
Uh, invisibility?
And while you guys are arguing...
Rick wakes up.
Grandpa!
He is now conscious.
So we can see him?
Rick is getting control, bitches!
Oh, boy.
I feel like this is a double-edged sword, Dad.
Alright, there's his initiative roll.
Oh, shit.
Uh, I'm gonna shoot at the, uh, dragon again.
Okay.
Uh, how many arrows do I have left?
I haven't been keeping count.
I feel like maybe that was my job, but I didn't.
It's definitely part of your job.
I was hoping no one noticed.
So...
I didn't.
So...
You could have just told us, you know, if you hadn't brought it up, we probably wouldn't have
I think you brought this up before.
I did, and then you said, keep count this time, and then I didn't.
Yeah.
So I think we said you had ten this...
Ten.
So then I have five now?
No.
Well, you had ten.
Well, no.
You had ten before.
I had ten before when it...
Oh, here.
I used four in the battle against, uh, Frinky Frim.
Okay, so you only got six.
Well, five now?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Uh...
And no sword.
Let me...
Arrows.
So I had ten...
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I had six minus one.
All right.
Okay.
And now, yeah, I'm gonna shoot at it.
But I don't get anything from him being prone, right?
Not with that.
No.
Would...
Is he gonna be prone with, uh, with Boo on Boo's turn?
Yeah.
He's not gonna be able to stand up until he's his turn.
Okay.
All right.
So maybe we can take advantage of it then.
I'll just kick the can down the road.
The best...
The best strategy.
Okay.
So are you gonna fire?
Yeah, I'm gonna fire.
Okay, then.
Roll a d20.
Plus eight.
Seven.
Eight.
Sorry.
So 21.
20.
All right.
Then roll...
I thought you said plus seven.
Oh, plus eight.
No, it's plus eight.
When you level up, you got, uh...
Plus eight instead of plus seven.
Oh, yeah.
I made that...
I wrote that down.
I'm keeping track.
Okay.
So then roll, uh, d10.
Plus three.
So nine points of damage.
Yeah.
Socket, is he dead now?
No.
That sucks.
All right.
It's Rick's turn.
Rick stands up and he casts Fireball on the dragon.
Yeah, Rick!
Wait, you can do that?
I thought there was only ice in this world.
I thought there's only frosts and various rays of it.
It's...
Listen, Fireball is a very, very complex art.
And I'm working on it.
I've got burning hands and I've also got burning hands.
And that just burns my hands.
Oh!
But it's working.
It's a work in progress.
So you can turn invisible and you can burn your hands.
And I can put you to sleep.
Please don't do that.
Sleep!
Well, it's not your turn.
Oh my god.
And Rick's Fireball does 19 points of damage.
And it's dead now, right?
No, but his arms did fall off.
He's definitely not going to be able to shoot any fire out of his mouth.
Okay.
It is...
Who's turn?
Jerry's turn.
Magic Mountain, baby.
I'm throwing a magic missile at him.
Okay.
And that is...
You have to roll...
Four...
Or...
Oh, okay.
So roll three...
Deep...
Yeah, three deep fours for...
Plus one.
I think you have to roll four...
Four...
Oh, yeah.
Just...
God.
Okay.
Go ahead.
What happened?
All right.
So that's 13 points of damage.
You're real Chris Pratt.
All right.
It's the Green Dragon's turn.
He's no longer young.
He's...
No, he's still young.
But he stands up.
He's able to stand up and take a swipe at Rick.
No.
He's going to bite Rick.
I'm sorry.
I'm willing...
I'm willing to take that risk.
That he's going to bite?
What?
No.
I mean...
I have...
Grandpa.
I'm sure he'll be fine.
Oh, sure.
All right.
That hits.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Oh, 21 damage.
No.
That's...
Oh.
That's 18 points of damage, though.
That's...
Slightly better, I guess.
Summer?
That's me.
Yes.
Summertime!
In the city.
I...
Let's see.
So I don't have...
I have no...
So the only weapon I have is this bow?
Yep.
Oh, shit.
In your charm.
Yeah, in my butt.
Okay.
I'm going to shoot it.
This is all I can do.
All right.
So...
It's a d20, right?
Plus eight.
Oh, you got lucky.
Okay.
Is this...
Is this from Undertale?
Yeah.
Roll a d10 plus...
Three.
Oh, man.
I might have to play this game again.
This is the song that might play when you fight Sans.
That's awesome.
When you fight...
Oh.
Comic Sans?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's Rick's turn.
Rick this time is going to cast Lightning Bolt.
It is...
Oh, I got to make that.
Did you mean to do that private?
Oh, yeah.
I hit private.
That doesn't matter.
None of this really matters.
Wow.
Nihilism is so exhausting.
Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism.
At least it's an ethos.
Yeah.
Doing 15 points of damage.
To Rick?
No.
Oh.
I keep losing track of who's in...
Who's fighting.
Okay.
It is...
Jerry's turn.
Or no.
Summer?
Yeah, Jerry's turn.
No, it's Jerry's turn.
I jump on the wall with Spider Climb.
Are you?
Okay.
I have never got to use this one yet.
I'm going to do it.
I'm throwing everything I got.
Once attacked.
Okay.
Until the spells end, one willing creature you touch gains the ability to move up, down,
across vertical services, and upside down on ceilings.
Who are you touching?
If you want to get near me, you better touch it.
You better be...
Hopefully it's you.
Himself?
Wait.
You can still attack, right?
Yeah.
Or I'm attached to the wall, right?
No.
All right.
Just hear me out, Dad.
I don't say anything out loud, except right now.
I might be out of arrows soon, so I'm going to need a backup attack plan.
I will get on the ceiling and distract him.
You hit him from behind with your sword.
I have no sword.
You hit him behind with your bow.
It'll break.
I guess it doesn't matter if I have...
I mean, what are you...
I mean, you can stab it with your arrow.
I don't...
I mean...
Yeah, I don't...
Eventually she's going to be out of arrows.
I know, but, you know, I'm just trying to make do.
You know?
Wizards don't run out of powers.
We just keep coming up with new stuff all the time.
That's not true at all.
Right.
You've run out of spells.
I mean, yeah.
I think I might be better if it were me jumping on the dragon instead of you.
That's my thought, anyway.
All right.
So I give her...
I quickly give her spider climb.
And then that's my turn.
Okay.
Summer's your turn.
Spider climb.
I spider climb.
Okay.
To where?
Just the wall?
The pillar?
The ceiling?
The ceiling.
I'm going way up to the ceiling.
Okay.
Rick's turn.
He's going to do another lightning bolt.
That worked so well last time.
Wow.
He's really smart.
Get him, Grandpa.
Smart.
Okay.
Oops.
Doing 15 points of damage.
Nice.
Good.
Oh, wait.
No.
That's the green dragon.
No.
Oh.
You're just not moving the combat tracker, which is fine.
I just got...
I can't look at it to know whose turn it is.
Oh.
Okay.
I thought...
I went to click on him.
Okay.
So now it's...
If you...
If you double click it, I think, it pops out in a new window.
Oh, no.
You have to right-click it.
You right-click it, then what?
It pops out into its own window, so you can keep the chat open while you have the combat
tracker open.
Oh.
So then I can just...
Yeah, but I can't...
How can I move the...
Oh.
There we go.
Okay.
I can begin.
Oh, I can...
Oh, I can move after my turn.
Okay.
I skipped my turn on accident.
Oh, you killed me.
No, I blinded you or something.
Oh.
Sweet.
I made you invisible.
I'm invisible.
Oh, so it's...
Oh, it is Rick's turn, because I climbed to the ceiling.
Yeah.
So he just attacked.
So now it's Pooh's turn.
All right.
I am...
I'm going to go...
We'll skip Rick, then.
How do I...
There should be an arrow at the bottom of the window.
Okay.
There we go.
I'm going to hit it with a ray of frost real quick.
Oh, yeah.
Ray of frost.
I've never been so excited to see you.
Okay.
Do a range...
Do a...
Roll a d20.
Okay.
You miss.
Pass.
What?
It just goes by him?
Yeah.
Does it at least, like, freeze the wall?
Yeah.
It hits behind him and makes the wall really cold.
Oh, cool.
Oh, wow.
That's actually pretty cool.
Like, uh...
Nitrogen?
Like, liquid nitrogen?
Yeah.
I should aim it at the floor next time and slip him up.
Does he have wings?
Yes.
Fuck.
Does he really...
Does he really have a beard?
Like, in this picture?
No.
So, it's the green dragon's turn.
Oh, the game is paused.
I can't move my character.
There you go.
The young green dragon's turn.
And he's going to turn around and he's going to do a multi-attack on Rick.
A multi-attack?
Yes.
So, it's one bite and two swipes of its claw.
Can I do a multi-attack?
No.
Stupid.
Oh.
I forgot to add seven.
Doesn't matter.
His bite misses.
D20.
All right.
And his first claw attack wins.
Go.
Doing 11 points of damage.
To Rick.
How is he looking?
Rick?
Yeah.
He looks drunk.
Fresh is a newborn babe.
So, fresh is a newborn babe.
Okay.
That hits.
The second claw attack hits.
Oh, wait.
Oh, okay.
Doing 21 points of damage.
I mean, that would have killed me.
And after that, Rick is knocked unconscious.
Oh, now he's dead.
I asked you how he was looking.
You just said drunk.
Yeah.
You can't really tell when he's drunk.
How he's doing.
I'm sure we'll be okay.
Yeah.
I'm sure he's fine.
Grandpa, no!
You've passed out.
Rick, wake up.
We need you.
We can't do this ourselves.
We barely got this far.
Do you have an awake spell?
I mean, if I hit Rick with a sleeping spell, does that wake him up since he's already asleep?
Ah, like a toggle.
No, it puts him into a coma.
Oh.
But the good kind, right?
Like where they keep bringing your heart back to life?
The good kind of...
Where you come back with special powers and abilities?
Yeah.
Like Dead Zone?
Remember Dead Zone?
Never heard of her.
All right.
Is it my turn now?
Yes.
Has the dragon noticed me on this healing?
No, he was too busy with Rick.
All right.
I'm going to shoot him anyway.
All right.
Roll 1d20.
Plus 8.
20.
Okay.
So that hits.
Roll a d...
What is it?
D10.
Plus 3.
Yeah.
Zero.
Oh, that's 10.
That's the best I could do.
Yeah.
Wow.
Suck it.
He's dead now, right?
Nope.
He's not looking good, but...
All right.
Rick is still passed out.
Are you saying that he's looking drunk?
You never know.
Oh, shit.
Gary, your turn.
All right.
Uh...
I am going to...
What was it?
I am going to...
Uh...
What's it called?
Uh...
What about that fire shit?
Don't you got fire shit?
Yeah.
Burning hands.
Yeah.
Slap them with your burning hands.
Right on the nuts.
I don't like using it because it does...
It does burn my fingertips.
Oh, man.
Andy's deep in thought here.
Privately rolled some dice.
That's not good.
Oh, it tells you guys?
When you rolled, it's just not what you rolled.
Oh, okay.
All right.
So, that hits.
So, rolled through...
What did it say?
3d6.
Hold on.
I can't hear...
The doom thing was too loud.
What did you say?
Roll 3d6.
Sorry.
Oh, it changed songs.
That's why it went up louder.
Yeah, it spooked me.
11 points of damage.
Take that, Cracker Jack.
All right.
But since...
Since the fire does go out...
And all...
In the 15-foot cone...
It does hit right to...
What?
What happens to him?
Does he come back to life?
No, he takes 11 points of damage, but he's still...
Unconscious.
I thought he was unconscious.
He can't take points when he's damaged.
Or when he's unconscious.
You're right.
It should be double the amount of points, because he couldn't defend himself.
That's what I thought.
Wait, that's not good.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
You don't like Rick.
He does make fun of my hair.
And my everything else.
Yeah, well, you're a big dingus.
Your father is not a dingus, all right?
That is not how we talk in this household.
I do collect coins, though.
Yeah, like a dingus.
I do have a coin of President Dingus.
Oh, boy.
All right.
The dragon is pissed off right now.
So he decides to unleash his poison breath.
Oh, okay.
Towards you, too.
Yeah, but I'm on the ceiling.
It's breath, so it goes everywhere.
Not up.
It especially goes up.
No.
That's a different kind of breath.
He's a dragon.
It's hot breath.
No, it's sinking breath.
Nope.
Okay, so both of you give me a constitution saving throw.
Oh, my constitution is tight, tight, tight.
Okay, this is way too hot.
I might be getting old, because that music is far too loud.
All right, now it's too quiet.
I can't hear it at all.
Do I go deaf?
Do you guys hear me?
Yeah, I can hear you.
Yeah, we can hear you.
And you being deaf wouldn't change whether or not we could hear you.
What?
Got him.
Oh, boy.
Rick.
That does 27 points of damage.
To whom?
To Rick?
Rick.
No, just to Rick.
No, that is...
I don't think I have that many points.
No, you only had 13.
So you're out.
I was doing so well, too.
Wait a second.
I had more than 13, didn't I have, because I had my armor class up?
Your armor class doesn't affect your health.
I had 22 HP.
You had 20...
Well, you're still dead.
But also, I had 22 HP, but my armor class was 12 plus 5.
Okay.
So what does that make?
Well, that armor class is for something else.
Yeah.
Because this wasn't a physical attack.
Okay.
So you both passed the Constitution save and throw.
So you only took half damage.
Half of 27?
No.
Half of 54?
Yeah.
Yeah, but...
Oh, so you just rolled 6 instead of 12, guy?
I just rolled 6 instead of 12.
Oh.
I'm going to slap my salami.
That guy's a commie.
A little more fucked.
Well, I'm still alive.
All right.
So I had minus 27.
I'm going to change this.
Because it says taken 42 damage.
So half of that was 21.
Because it says taken 42 or 12d6.
So I'll just cut that in half.
So Jerry's got one health level.
All right.
So minus 21 to both of us, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
So...
What did I...
So I started with 30, right?
Summer had...
31.
31?
33.
Yeah, you're right.
So I have 12 left.
12.
All right.
My math still works.
Yes.
And it is Summer's turn.
All right.
I would like to ask a question.
Okay.
What if I jumped on the dragon?
You can try it.
But you'll have to give me a successful acrobatics and animal handling.
Okay.
I still have some arrows.
So I guess I could shoot it from up here.
Two by my count.
Not by my count.
I still have...
I didn't...
I haven't shot in the last couple turns.
I have...
I have four.
left. Four? Yeah, because
I only shot two in this fight.
You started with five.
I started with six.
Oh, okay. I thought you started with five. No, because I
lost four in the Frankie frames.
I pretty sure it was seven.
It was definitely seven.
He definitely had 25.
Eight.
Okay.
Go ahead and roll the D20.
Plus eight.
Fourteen, that does not hit.
You miss.
That's not good.
Jerry, your turn.
Jeez.
Rick.
Cast Ray
of Truth.
Do I have that?
No.
What about my shield?
Why would you cast Ray of Truth anyway?
I don't know.
I am doing the most
Jerry thing.
Oh, don't even say run away.
Please don't turn yourself invisible.
Don't turn invisible. I'm yelling.
Don't turn invisible. I see your face.
You always make that face when you're about to go invisible.
Don't do it.
I'm gone.
I'm a sitting duck out here.
Okay.
He is invisible.
The green dragon is...
He's got to rest after that last attack.
Yeah, it was tough killing me almost to death.
So, summer.
Oh, he's resting, huh?
This is the time to...
He's resting.
This is the time to strike.
I know it.
And I'm going to jump on the dragon.
Okay.
So, give me an acrobatics.
Save?
Does it matter?
No.
There's no acrobatics save.
Oh.
And you're not saving anything.
You nailed it.
Where did you want to land?
I want to land around his neck.
Right around his neck?
Okay, you do it perfectly.
Yeah!
I'm on his neck.
I'm not even going to make you do animal handling for that.
Well, you don't know what I'm going to do next.
No?
Do you want to use your action surge?
Action surge?
Well, I was bluffing.
I don't know what I'm going to do next.
In fact, I had no idea what I was going to do.
But I'm up here now.
Yeah.
My action surge.
So, I get...
This is once per fight, right?
Yes.
I would like to...
I imagine there's some kind of, like, melee, right?
There...
Yeah, there's...
Like...
Like, if you want to use, like, your arrow as, like, a...
Stabbing tool?
Yeah, I want to stab him in the eye again.
Well, if you're...
You're not that high up on his neck.
No, I'm not.
But I...
Can I stab him?
You're not on his head.
You're on his neck.
You're right.
Yep.
You got...
Yep.
When you're right, you're right.
You're right.
Um...
Yeah.
I don't know how much damage a dagger can is.
Well, we could look that up, right?
Yeah.
It's effectively the same as a dagger?
Yeah.
Um...
Items?
All right.
Dagger.
A short metal mounted to a short hilt and cross guard.
Sounds about right.
Uh...
Weight and price.
It doesn't say.
It says simple melee common.
Oh, details?
Is it under there?
Station.
Target.
Range.
Weapon attack.
Here.
I have one for a short sword.
Oh, 1d4 plus mod.
Okay.
What's your...
What would the mod be?
Uh...
I don't know.
Oh, it's plus 300 piercing.
Oh.
Okay.
Uh...
Roll a d20 with advantage, though.
All right.
To see if you can even, like, stab it.
All right.
Man, I get advantage because I'm badass.
I'm riding it.
Badass.
Yeah, you caught him off guard by falling on his face.
Falling?
I jumped.
With style.
Oh.
So you got the 11 and that is...
Not enough.
It's plus four.
So, no, that does not affect him.
You can't stab...
This time you couldn't stab it through his scales.
Okay.
Glance right off.
Yep.
Jerry, your turn.
All right.
I'm going to move and get out of where I'm...
I'm going to try to get, like, close to the wall.
And just try to get out of the way so I don't get hurt.
Okay.
That's it?
Yep, that's it.
Okay.
The green dragon with having this...
This person on his neck now starts flailing around.
And kind of, like, jumping.
Uh-huh.
Jumping around and he's, like, kind of freaking out.
So he decides to fly up in the air.
And he turns...
Flying upside down.
He's flying upside down?
Yeah.
My God.
Summer, are you okay?
You get the suspicion that his next attack...
Or his next turn, he's just going to slam into the ground.
Oh, sorry.
With me on him?
Yeah.
Summer, you got to get off that thing.
So, it's my turn again, right?
Yes.
We are going to fucking die.
All right.
So, Andy, I don't know if you remember.
I have in my list that we got a potion a couple weeks ago, a couple sessions ago.
I don't know if we ever used it.
Um, I think...
I think...
You took that stuff out of the treasure room, it went away.
So, I don't have a potion?
Let me...
Potions.
So, I got the potion.
This is, like, way back.
This is October.
When I got the new bow, and Jerry got a staff of withering.
Of withering.
Oh, okay.
Uh, is it healing potion, or what?
Is there any other kind?
There's a potion of flying, a potion of healing?
I...
I can't imagine giving you a potion of flying.
No, I don't really want...
I can...
I would like to give this potion to...
To, uh, Grandpa.
So, should I...
Do I have to jump down on...
By him?
I could throw it.
Right.
But I think maybe I should...
But he's unconscious, so...
Oh, right.
Yeah.
I could...
I guess I'd have to really throw it and hit him in the face, and it'd have to break
and it'd have to go into his mouth.
So...
Yeah.
And that could cause more problems.
That would be one hell of a throw.
All right.
So then...
I'm not gonna...
You stay invisible.
No, actually, don't stay invisible.
Do something.
Okay, can I jump...
What's another acrobatics?
Oh.
I'm on the dragon.
He's on the dragon.
Dragon ass.
On the wall.
Dragon.
Dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon.
Andy, are you still checking something?
I can't see you, so...
Oh, no.
Go ahead.
Oh, I was saying, can I jump towards Jerry?
Towards Jerry?
I'm sorry, not Jerry.
Yeah, towards Rick.
Okay, yeah.
Acrobatics check.
Okay.
Yeah, you jump towards him.
Okay.
And do I land close to him?
Yeah.
All right, but I...
You landed the pit, though, so it's a little bit farther of a drop than you thought.
Ouch.
So you're just gonna take one damage.
All right, so now I'm at 11.
11, yeah.
Uh...
Jerry?
Yeah.
I'm very hurt and trying to stay, you know, alive.
I'm doing okay.
I'm hurt, though, and invisible.
Just like real life.
So you're not gonna do anything?
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm gonna...
Well, uh, fuck.
Where's Summer at again?
She's in the pit with, uh, Rick.
Okay, uh...
I'm gonna...
Ah, shit.
I'm gonna...
Can I make her invisible?
Uh, I don't think you can do it to two people at the same time.
All right.
Well, if he casts magic, he...
Yeah, if you cast another spell, then...
Summer, what do you want me to do?
Invisibility.
Well, I don't...
I don't know if he noticed me jump off.
Who, me?
No, the dragon.
Oh.
Oh, so you're okay.
I don't think...
I don't think I need to be invisible.
I would...
Maybe...
All right, then I'm gonna hit him with Magic Mountain, then.
Magic Mountain, baby.
And it's...
I should get some advantage,
because he can't see where I'm at,
and I'm hiding.
But that's just me.
You do...
You do you.
Well, I mean,
you don't really get an advantage.
You just rolled...
Uh, 3d4 plus one.
Okay.
Plus...
Plus four.
Okay.
What?
You gotta...
You throw a lot at me real quick.
3d4 plus four.
3d4...
Plus four.
Oof.
That was a pretty bad one.
I know.
Eight points of damage.
Yeah!
Yeah, finally.
You're back in the damage game.
Back in the damage.
Damaging the dragon.
Okay.
The dragon didn't realize
that you had jumped off.
So he just slams his back
onto the ground.
Okay.
And it creates a shockwave
that knocks both of you prone.
Ouch.
Summer.
Okay.
Um...
So I can get up, right?
Yeah.
I don't need to get up.
I just...
I'd like to feed the potion to Grandpa.
Okay.
And that is...
Roll 2d4 plus two.
3d4?
2d4 plus two.
3d4 plus two.
Oh, that was another bad roll.
But it does wake him up.
Yeah!
Get up!
Get up, Grandpa!
And I bang on his chest.
That doesn't help him wake up.
But...
So he wakes up.
He stands up.
And he takes a swig of his flask
and burps.
Who else but Grandpa?
My turn again?
Yes.
You are no longer invisible.
Oh!
I warn you.
I, uh...
I start spider climbing.
On the wall to get away.
Is that a cantrip?
How many spells have you used?
I've used...
This is the fourth one, right?
Actually, I think I've already used three of the...
In a second.
You're right.
Um...
So you're out of spider climbs?
Three...
Yeah.
I'm not a second.
All spells.
All right.
Um...
I do...
So you've got, what?
Three more first-level spells?
Is the dragon looking at me?
Is he close to me at all?
Uh, he's not exactly close,
but he's not exactly far.
All right.
What's our game plan?
My game...
Well, I don't...
Can we talk from this far away?
But I guess out of character,
my game plan was to wake up Grandpa.
He's, he's, uh, you know,
very good at this shit.
He's, he was like,
he was like doing...
30 damage before.
All right.
Um...
I don't really have a plan besides that,
except to keep shooting with arrows.
What about if I use prostitutation,
like, and make like a...
uh, uh, like a loud noise,
like in the air,
like a, like a magician might make?
Would that wake up Grandpa?
He's...
Grandpa's already awake.
Oh.
Well, then I don't know
what I'm supposed to do then.
Run away.
Maybe I can lead the dragon away.
I'd make it pretty good prey.
Well, I mean,
all we needed to do
is not attack Grandpa dead again.
All right.
That would be helpful.
Well, then I'm going to hit it
with a magic mount
to the place.
Uh, so you're...
Okay, so then...
That's my third mount.
That's my third one, right?
Yeah.
So you only have one more left.
Yep.
Okay.
So roll 3d4 plus 4.
I did not do that right.
Oh.
4.75.
What did I do?
Oh, sorry.
Now that we've got that cleared up.
There we go.
Doing 11 points of damage.
Yeah!
Get him, child.
It is the green dragon's turn.
And he's going to roll over
and seeing that Rick is now awake,
he's going to...
to...
claw...
at Rick.
He didn't even like my attack?
I shot him with a magic missile.
That should have spooked him.
It didn't distract him at all?
Yeah.
That stupid dragon.
That dragon doesn't know
what he's missing.
Well, we're fucked
if it kills Rick again,
which it will.
We just have to hope
it doesn't hit.
No, it's not fine!
It's all fine.
It hits him.
Great.
Is he dead?
He dead, dog.
Doing 4 points of damage.
Summer.
That means you only got
one hit point left.
can I...
Rick,
can I do...
can I give him
health
by loving him
as a granddaughter?
No.
Where is he at
in the initiative order?
He's after me.
He was anyway.
He's after you.
Okay, he's...
can you unkill him then
or something?
Because he's not in the...
Oh, I made him invisible.
There we go.
Um...
Grandpa,
can I help you
in the next attack
somehow?
No, you don't
have any magic.
No, I don't.
Magic's for losers.
All right,
I guess I'll just
shoot the dragon.
It's really the only
thing I can do.
All right,
using one of your
two arrows left?
Three arrows left?
Sorry.
three, yeah.
Shoot the dragon!
Uh...
1d20 plus eight.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, that hits.
Rolled 1d10 plus three.
I almost rolled a d103.
6 points of damage.
And he's dead.
Hooray.
The villagers celebrate.
He does die.
Yeah!
I killed him!
Oh, I gotta find my...
All right.
I'm in control.
Hell yeah, dogs.
I'm back.
Gygack Ricks!
All of you look around
at the carnage and think,
wow, Rick was the true
hero all along.
long story short,
I love...
Wait, Rick wasn't
the true hero.
He didn't...
...get captured by a
real piece of shit,
multidimensional entity.
And not that you ask,
but my name is Chad.
It's been horny to
capture me and put my
brain in a jar for
like 20 years now.
Thanks to your
distraction, I sabotaged
its whole shit and
sent its spider back
through the last few
dozen dimensions it's
formed its way through.
So needless to say,
it won't be bothering
me anytime soon.
Rick looks extremely
satisfied with himself.
At least until rocks
start falling from the
ceiling.
Oh, right.
We do have about
30 seconds to get out
of here before
everything comes
crumbling down and
we end up trapped
here for eternity.
Eternity?
Rick removes an
ingenious looking piece
of technology from
his robes and points
it towards the wall.
A sickly green portal
appears.
As he runs towards it,
he calls out to the
party,
last one out is a
rotten egg.
Oh, that sounds
like Rick.
I run towards the
portal.
All right, you go
through the portal?
I think it's bullshit
that he took all the
credit for killing the
dragon.
He was sleeping for
most of it.
Does that not track?
I'm going to jump
through the portal too.
Jump.
Yeah.
All right, that's it.
The characters
going through the portal
find themselves sitting
around a table in the
Smith family dining room
including Meatface,
who is of course a
beloved family friend
and a character we've
all grown fond of over
the years.
Ah, Meatface.
Oh, I remember
Meatface.
Yep.
You beat it.
You beat the dragon.
That was a lot easier
than Frankie Frames.
Yeah.
It was.
Good job.
You guys figured out
my puzzle.
What was a puzzle?