I took notes.
Here's my note.
It's got a frowny face.
The lion was mad.
Oh, that's right at the end.
That's from re-listening or from the originally?
Re-listening.
I was like, oh man, I'm glad I remembered that.
And the only one that heard was Dee Dee.
I don't remember that.
I didn't listen to the last hour of the show.
Oh, so you did listen to some of it?
Yeah.
You're changing.
You're growing as a person.
Oh, yeah.
Just a little bit.
See, we're all growing.
Like a foot taller.
Third foot.
I just have a third foot.
I just have a third leg.
Get it?
It's a wiener joke.
One string.
I'm a tripod over here.
Like the camera?
Codec?
I have stood on roof shouting at Butler because I'm drunk and have amnesia.
You have amnesia?
I think so.
I don't remember.
Eels, chili powder, tobacco, and lemon.
Yeah.
That was the meal you tried to make.
Didn't work out.
Did not work out.
Why did you take those notes, Tiger?
I just, I write, because I want to do, because right after the episode, I added it and I want
to have an episode title ready to go.
So that was a potential.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
And instead you went with a fit of vomit?
Fits of vomit?
Which I didn't, I didn't hear on when I was listening back.
But I did write it down.
Fits of vomit.
Some what?
I don't remember that either.
You were vomiting.
Oh, I think at the very end, you were vomiting and then you blamed it on Dee Dee.
Nope, don't remember that.
There's that amnesia.
It's not a damn amnesia.
Goddamn amnesia.
It's probably definitely not caused by my excessive drinking.
Some say excess.
You say not enough.
You know what?
That calls for a drink.
I agree.
Three's a crowd.
Ah.
What'd y'all got?
I think Tiger's drinking Miss Dr. McKillicully.
Yep.
No.
No, I actually.
Oh, shit.
This is perfume.
What is it?
Perfume.
Served in a hat.
Toilet water.
Oh, what is it?
It's a bullet.
A bullet.
And Andy, what are you?
I just have regular bullet.
Oh, Jesus.
I can't really read it.
Couple of bullet brothers.
Bullet brothers.
No one fucks with the bullet brothers.
Couple of B-boys over here.
Couple of B-boys.
B-boys.
And rock my soul.
Baby, now lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
That's great stuff.
Good stuff.
All right.
Who's going to read this newspaper article?
I'll get it.
Junkport Journal.
Dinner time edition.
Downtime to life.
Newspaper.
Who's writing it?
I kind of feel like I was going to write and I didn't get around to this, but I kind of
feel like this is like the first thing that Juckles did is he made like a little newspaper
thing in his lab.
Like Dean Venture or like the Rotten Todd Flanders.
It's like when you get a label maker and then you just start putting labels everywhere.
Yeah.
I made a printer.
Yeah.
So I kind of feel like this is what he really did.
The first thing he did is described our downtime.
Downtime delights the importance of hobbies.
After a long day of blowing up, blowing shit up, it's always great to relax with friends
and blow off some stress.
And the latest downtime, you added on to the fort.
You now have a lab.
Captain got punched in the snozz and did some soul searching atop a rooftop.
Chuckles ate some takeout and did some soul searching in a whorehouse.
Squish made a disgusting meal and made walkie talkies.
You also fostered community relationships.
Rigby is scared you'll blow up the toad, so free healing.
And while Baz was not happy with your performance on the last job, he hasn't killed you yet.
And now you have a lion whose knowledge, while limited, is sometimes useful.
Truly, you are on top of your game and things can only improve from here.
Well, they can't get worse.
Can't get worse.
And there's a picture of Milhouse that says when everyone makes fun of you because you have no hobbies.
But my mom says I'm cool.
Our moms are dead, maybe.
That's Canada now.
I thought I did talk about my parents.
Maybe to the whore.
Sorry, the whore.
She's a woman.
You haven't seen her penis?
No, she's definitely a woman.
Schrodinger's penis.
It both is and is not until you see it.
Ah.
Classic.
Oh, we didn't get an illustration of our workbench in here yet with the bead door.
Oh, yeah.
That says keep on.
We gotta add bead door workbench.
Do you, do you, is it just a sign on the beads or do the beads actually spell it out?
No, it's a sign.
It's written in really thick marker on a newspaper.
Uh-oh.
I thought you were gonna say a scrap of carpet.
That'd be good, too.
All right.
There you guys go.
Well, you guys have been, uh, you had a good, you had a good, you know, couple nights.
A little bit of soul searching, a little bit of relaxing.
Uh, you know, you've, uh, you're feeling good because you blew something up a second time.
And so far, everything's been good.
Uh, you're chilling over at the, uh, at the downtrodden toad.
When all of a sudden, a group of police officers kind of come through the door.
It's a group of four of them.
Uh, one of them looks vaguely familiar.
Uh-oh.
I don't know if you guys remember this guy.
Yeah, he gave us a ticket for, uh, stealing a carpet.
You're right, Lachlan.
Who the fuck stole a carpet?
Wait.
You need to quit drinking.
Captain, you still owe me for that, don't you?
No, heavens no.
I paid you back in, you know, several times over.
With money?
Yeah, probably.
I don't think so.
Not, not human money.
I think you tried to give him ghost money.
Well, it's his fault if he took it.
Well, well, he says, uh, isn't it the Junkyard Boys?
Or, was it the Drapists now?
Or, or wait, it was the Carpet Bangers?
Or, uh, or, right, what is it now?
Uh, the Ball Boys?
We're the Ball Blasters.
Har, har, har.
We're the Ball Blasters, all right?
And that's our latest name.
And there's, there's plenty of that where that came from.
Yeah, and what are you, a Ball Buster jerk?
Oh.
Very, very friendly, you know.
Uh, you guys have a pretty big price on your head.
Do you wear that?
What?
Which, which head?
Is that a joke?
Oh, you're just real funny.
Real.
No, that's not a dick joke.
You mean it's just one of us?
Yeah, which, which head of ours is there a heavy price on?
Yeah, yeah.
Be clear.
Please.
One for each, an extra large one for all three of you.
Under one, one price.
For what?
Oh, let's see.
Uh, for, uh, blowing up a ship.
Allegedly.
For blowing up a house.
Allegedly.
Pretty sure you've sewn some stuff.
Uh, people are claiming that you're stealing carpets.
And we made our ticket.
We made our ticket for that.
Probably.
I think we bribed you for that one.
Bribed?
I don't take bribes.
I'm an upstanding citizen of, uh, of this city.
I'm an upstanding, well, blue coat.
Uh, you know, listen, we all know who you are.
And we're watching you.
All right?
And we know you work for Baz.
Okay?
Not a secret.
Never heard of her.
Yeah, like, looks around.
Gives you a little nodding smile.
Like, sure.
Uh, your time's coming up, boys.
It's, you, you gotta realize, this ain't gonna last forever.
Yeah?
Well.
We'll see.
And, uh, you.
Uh, frock coat guy.
Captain.
I think he's talking to you.
Yar?
Public drunkenness?
Public indecency?
Uh, allegedly.
I'm gonna keep saying.
An onion boy in the hat.
Uh, going to brothels?
Do you have a permit?
How'd you know about my onion boy?
Do you, do you have a permit for what you're doing up there?
You don't think we can all hear and smell everything that's going on?
Wait, and, uh, demon kid.
Wait, do you, I think, uh, the, uh, hygiene department, department of hygiene would be really interested about what's going on in, uh, in that restaurant of yours.
Well, then, uh, the civil worker goes in there to do the health inspections.
Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, and do any of you have a permit for that animal you're keeping up there?
What animal?
Right, right.
That's just your, uh, that's just your other roommate that, uh, that screams and swings around the buildings like he's, uh, like he's a-
That's our, that's our butler!
Everything's a butler with you.
How dare you discriminate?
They are a hooking class family.
A couple of the guards kind of get a little up front with you, uh, as your voices start getting a little bit louder.
Uh, they kind of take a step forward and they put a hand on their cudgels.
Uh, oh shit, where's my card?
You can't, you can't say anything else?
Nope, you can't do it.
What is a cudgel?
It's a big stick with them.
It's kind of like, it's kind of like what a baseball bat was before a baseball bat was a thing.
Oh, okay.
A billy club?
Yeah, a billy club, or like, you know, sometimes they have a little, like a, like a knot at the end, so, you know, like a stick.
A bludgeon, if you will.
Like a tire knocker.
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, no, I got it.
I was just testing it.
Typically made out of wood.
Alright, okay, carry on.
And, uh,
Lachlan kind of gets in your face and he's like,
you're all on thin ice.
We know who you are.
We got our eyes on you.
And honestly, you don't seem like very good people, but I'll tell you this.
It's best if you just maybe stop hanging out with Baz, because
his, his number, his days are numbered here.
Are Baz?
Wait, wait, who?
I've never heard of Baz before.
Never heard of her.
Baz daddy?
Yeah, I'll kind of.
The three of them all kind of like roll their eyes at you and they, uh, they, they start
walking away.
And, uh, as they leave, uh, Lachlan looks over his shoulder and he goes, sorry to hear about
your friend too, by the way.
I'm sure, uh, I'm sure prison will treat him just fine.
What friend?
We have friends?
And, uh, as he, as he leaves, he kind of slams the door to the golden toad, golden toad, the,
uh, don't, trot and toad behind him.
Do you think it's that, uh, do you think it's that specialist we hired for the, you know,
the, uh, the drunk one?
Oh, the wiener?
Yeah.
The wiener dog.
No.
Well, no, that is just a, I didn't mean literally a wiener.
I just meant he was kind of a pud.
Quite.
Yes.
That one.
Is that you?
Do you think he got, you think he's been imprisoned on us?
What?
Do you think he's going to talk?
About what?
What do we do?
I don't know.
Everyone seems to know we blew up the house.
That was the worst thing we did.
He just, nothing really could say.
You got photographed in front of it.
Yeah.
Should we look at the picture again?
Yeah.
That was a bitching photo and I lift up my sleeve and it's tattooed on my bicep.
A picture of a photo of yourself.
Yes.
Oh, man.
Uh, I forgot his name.
That's how, that's how much of a friend he was to me.
I thought it was, uh, oh God.
Waddle?
No, what's the name of the guy you punched in the dick?
No, no, no.
What's the name of that specialist that got drunk?
I can't remember his name off the top of my head.
Both in character and out of character.
Oh.
Turd Swallow.
I said, I said Twaddle.
That rhymes.
What an unfortunate name.
Turd Swallow.
I'm not going to forget this name.
Swallow.
Definitely is in prison.
That's definitely the one he's in prison.
Well, I shouldn't have gotten drunk.
And you guys have a lot in common.
I don't talk.
Chuckles.
You're talking a lot last night in your sleep.
He just gets punched in the nose.
I just get punched in the nose.
And then I, you know, Captain Fitzclyde.
All right.
I'm Captain.
The ghost captain.
I don't talk.
I talk.
But I don't get caught.
I don't know.
You did a lot of blubbering.
When?
Last night.
After I had one or two few more.
Bottles.
Drinks.
Bottles.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I was patrolling in the streets.
And then I came home and went right to bed.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh.
Can I have a quick flashback?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
All right.
So before we left the junk fort, I took the lion and I kind of like stitched it a little
bit into my shoulder like a parrot.
Wait.
So people can see it?
Yeah.
Why not?
I don't think that's a good idea at all.
Why not?
It's valuable.
Yeah.
One, it's valuable.
Two, they're going to find out eventually that the one that was in the house.
You think so?
Wait.
No.
We want them to think it's fake.
Yeah.
But then they're going to come after it.
Well, he's on my shoulder.
How about you woke up in like a drunk kid stupor and you stitched it in the coat and you
forgot you did it.
Yeah.
Because you thought it would be a funny prank.
Yeah.
That sounds right.
I agree with everything that it says.
Yeah.
And now he's just, I got like a little like, it's like you can kind of see his head like
poking through my shoulder.
You know?
Yeah.
I know.
Like a little piece of fabrics over his head like a hood.
Yeah.
He's like poking out.
Yeah.
Like poking like, okay, we can adjust this.
We can make this work.
Yeah.
He's underneath the, he's underneath the front coat.
I'm sneaking him French fries, even though he doesn't eat.
I don't think French fries exist here.
Did you just, did you just sneak a French fry into your shoulder?
I mean, Paul needs to eat.
Paul?
Who's Paul?
The lion.
The, the what?
The lion.
The lion?
The, are you talking about the damn statue?
Yes.
You guys just left him on the windowsill.
I figured he could come with when we went out.
Why did you bring him?
Uh, you know, he looked like he was bored and, uh, you know, needed a friend.
And, you know, I've been, as you said, soul searching lately and, uh, I could use a friend
too, uh, you know, and I figured why not have a, he's a talkative fellow, aren't you, Paul?
Did, did he tell you his name was Paul?
No.
The lion just speaks up.
No.
My name isn't Paul.
Your name's Paul now, lion.
All right.
I don't think he has a mouth.
Why are you giving him French fries?
I certainly don't have a mouth.
I don't.
French fries are just falling down my frock coat onto the floor.
It's a habit.
I think I used to have a parrot that used to eat crackers up there.
As most pirates do.
And a deep fryer?
Yes.
Flashback.
He stitches a deep fryer on his other shoulder.
Flashback.
You never know when you're going to need some pocket grease.
Pocket grease.
Well, either way, this is happening.
I enjoy being outdoors.
Little lion says.
Paul says.
So, Rigby.
Yeah.
What's up?
Uh, yeah.
What's the deal with that guy?
That, uh, that police guy.
Oh, Lachlan.
He just likes to.
Lachlan.
He just likes to throw his weight around.
You know, he's.
Considers himself mayor of Crow's foot.
You know, even though he's a police officer.
Corrupt as could be.
I wouldn't pay him.
I wouldn't pay him any mind.
Was he a doctor?
Although.
No, no.
It's a.
Nom de plume.
As they would say.
Juckles.
Hello.
You're the mayor of Buzzville.
No, I'm not the mayor of Buzzville, sirs.
I'm just.
Hello.
Juckles is.
I'm just the proprietor.
Oh.
No, I'm not the mayor.
Not tonight.
It's Tuesday.
I think.
Tuesday.
I.
I will be honest, guys.
Boys.
Having your picture in the paper.
In general.
Is not a very good idea.
For keeping a low profile, though.
We're not one of us.
We're trying to keep a high profile.
I don't know.
I think it'd be pretty cool.
What?
The high profile?
Yeah.
You know.
You keep it in your head.
Don't you?
That one where you're in the.
We were in the front page.
And tattooed upon your person.
Oh, yeah.
Tattooed upon your person.
Oh, God.
So, should we be afraid of that guy?
Or what?
You know.
He's just a small.
Screw.
In the big cog.
That is.
Politics.
And.
So, we should.
We should.
We should fight him.
We should blow him up.
Listen.
I'm not on your blow up list.
I can't tell you what to do.
You just wouldn't miss him if we did.
Right.
You know.
Now, I hear you loud and clear.
We gotta blow him up.
He blusters to everybody.
He.
He blusters.
And he blows his lid.
And.
You know.
He's.
He's too afraid to actually do anything.
I mean.
Look at him.
He's a scrawny little guy.
He'll get his.
He'll get his ass well.
Yeah.
Well.
Those sticks are.
Not very bright.
Oh.
You mean the cudgels.
Yeah.
The cudgels.
While you're talking to Rigby.
All of a sudden.
There's a.
A small little.
Like nudge.
On your pant leg.
And you look down.
And there's Deedee.
Sitting in the bar.
Standing in the bar.
Deedee.
Is he drinking?
He slides on.
Up to the.
The bar stool next to you.
And just like.
Uses his big monkey hand.
And just like.
Keeps slapping.
The bartender.
The bar.
And Rigby goes.
I know.
And he goes.
And he.
Turns around the table.
And comes back.
With just a little flight.
Of small drinks.
And he puts it right.
From front of.
Down in front of Deedee.
And he goes.
Do you know this guy?
He's in here all the time.
What?
The hairy one?
Not for me to judge.
I'm a little rotund myself.
Boys.
It's not for me to judge.
How God's made him.
May a thousand.
Blossoms bloom.
Hey.
Well.
If.
That.
That other guy comes in.
You tell him.
That's our butler.
He's just a really hairy butler.
And he's middle class.
And don't discriminate.
Uh.
Rig.
Rigby.
D.D.
Starts.
Kind of just taking the shots.
One right after the other.
Just.
Boom.
Down the line.
And then he stops.
And he.
Kind of fishes in his little pocket.
And he pulls out.
A little crumpled letter.
And he just hands it to you.
Chuckles.
Oh.
I can't read.
Oh.
Hello.
T.D.
Why are you giving it to him?
So then he hands it to you.
Uh.
To squish.
Um.
I pass it to Rigby.
To read to us.
Uh.
Rigby opens it.
And he kind of like.
You know.
Does one of these.
He's like.
Don't got my glasses.
So well now.
And uh.
Says.
Dear.
Charles Xander.
Uh.
I hope your little delightful monkey.
Finds your.
Finds you.
Wait.
That's me.
I.
Oh.
You're Charles Xander.
Yeah.
I know.
Juckles is short for Charles Xander.
I would never have guessed.
What an.
What an exotic name.
The world we live in.
Uh.
He says.
I have.
Uh.
I have a.
Uh.
Potion down here.
Uh.
That.
I think you'll be very interested in.
Uh.
Step by whenever you can.
Uh.
Sincerely.
Shylock.
Oh.
This is good.
This is good boys.
This is good.
Isn't that your uncle Funkle?
Yes.
It's my uncle Funkle.
Your finger banging uncle?
Fat fingers.
That we call him.
Uncle fat fingers.
Uh.
Oh.
This is going to be good.
We should go down.
And see him.
Thanks.
Rigney.
For reading that.
To us.
Not that we needed you to.
But it was very polite of you.
To not.
Point out.
That we needed you to read it.
I didn't need him to read it.
I don't know why you guys didn't give me.
A letter.
I read all the time.
Well.
That's true.
I'm also drunk.
So there.
All right.
Do the young goals.
All right.
Come on.
DD.
Let's go.
Come on.
Paul.
DD finishes the last of his drink.
Kind of reluctantly.
And slowly follows you.
Into the.
Into the street.
Now.
When you get.
To his house.
The.
Shop.
De mystique.
The place is absolutely trashed.
The door has been kicked in.
Windows are broken.
Things are been.
Pulled off the shelves.
There's.
Footprints and dust everywhere.
The whole place looks like it's been ransacked.
And there is no sign of Shylock.
What the fuck?
Where's our potion?
Where's your uncle?
My uncle.
No.
What about my cousin?
What's her name?
Oh.
The girl that works with him?
Yeah.
I don't remember her name.
Not there.
Yeah.
But what's.
Can you remind me what her name is?
No.
I have to go back and look.
Hold on.
Here.
It's useless.
This is.
This is very old.
Oh.
Hergolette.
Oh.
Hergolette.
That's what it was.
You're right.
Hergolette.
She's not there.
Hergolette's not here, guys.
Oh, this is bad.
This is very, very bad.
Very bad.
I would like.
I'd like to rush into, like, behind the counter and, like, look around.
I'm just investigating.
Like, kind of, like, just looking around, like.
I'm frantic.
I'm keenly investigating.
Do you want to, like, study or survey or are you just taking a general look?
I'll take a study.
Okay.
Just normal?
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Failure.
It's bad.
I've got nothing.
You are too drunk to see anything.
Your eyes are all kind of blurry and everything.
Everything just looks like a big muddled mess to you.
Doesn't help I'm wearing an eyepatch I don't need.
And it's inside.
And it's night.
I'm frantically looking around for anything.
Let's see.
Do you want to study?
No.
Well, maybe.
Is there something?
I guess survey would be a little bit closer than study.
Because I'm not taking my time.
I am just.
You're kind of doing, like, a quick look.
Yeah.
I'm panicked.
Okay.
Go ahead.
I'll give you plus one for that since you know his shop fairly well.
And you're going to know what's not normal and what is.
So, I think it would be.
Well, it would be.
You take the less of two plus one.
So, just be one, technically.
One die.
Okay.
I'm just going to roll survey plus one.
Yeah.
Hopefully it knows.
That.
It's terrible.
In your panic state, your mind isn't looking correctly.
And you're not able to see anything.
Can I look around for, like, a hidden doorway?
Wait.
What is Squish doing?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
I'm looking around for a hidden doorway.
Why are you looking for a hidden doorway?
This man is missing.
Because this is a very creepy shop.
He's either going to look for a hidden doorway or garlic powder.
Yeah.
Or some other recipe.
That's it.
Fine.
There is no hidden doorway.
But one thing you do notice, there's no sign of blood anywhere.
You can see some heavy boot prints in the dirt.
And the money till is open and empty.
But other than that, nothing looks like it's been stolen.
Like, all of the valuable ingredients and the valuable things that he sells are still either on the shelf or on the floor, right?
Is there a note?
There is no note.
This is unusual, guys.
Uncle always leaves a note.
And usually his shop's not in complete disarray.
He also keeps a very tight shop.
Huh.
Hmm.
Does he have any enemies?
Oh, I'm sure he's made some enemies.
He's, you know, a shopkeeper.
Make lots of enemies.
I'd like to follow the boot prints.
You follow the boot prints and they go into the room in the back where it looks like he was in the middle of something because there's, like, on the table, there's still, like, ingredients in little pots and little empty glass vials everywhere.
But there's no sign of him.
Again, no sign of violence.
Or, well, no sign of bloodshed anyway.
There's no blood anywhere.
But you do see, kind of, complete on the table, there is, like, a little note.
And when you look at it, it just looks like it's a list of ingredients and kind of, like, general directions.
Hey, Jockles.
That's me.
Come back here.
All right.
I walk back here.
Holy crap.
Yeah, I found this note that your uncle left.
Yeah.
So weird.
It's written to Dee Dee.
Dee Dee.
Dee Dee?
Yeah.
The monkey?
No, the ape.
Oh.
The hairy one.
The hairy butler.
All right.
And what does it say?
I hand it to you.
You tell me.
All right.
Wait, is this the recipe?
It is.
Do you want the captain to read it?
And I'll just transcribe it.
Yes.
Just give me that.
Captain takes a look at it.
And he goes, he takes him a second to decipher Shylock's very cursive handwriting.
And he says, it's a recipe for boom boom sauce.
Boom boom sauce, boys.
Is that poop?
That's our new name.
For the boom boom sauce, boys.
You start listing off the ingredients and there's things like sriracha, capsaicin.
There is like oil.
There is sulfur.
There is graphite.
Basically.
And then in the note in the bottom, he goes, a mixture explosive and digestive ingredient.
Useful on stone walls.
Difficult to reach places.
And anything with fish.
So, I understand graphite.
And I understand sulfur.
I've made a lot of concoctions with those.
I do not know what this garlic is.
It's a relative of onions.
Surprised you haven't heard of it.
Oh, so it's like an onion.
Sure.
Okay.
Um, this is weird.
I don't know who he thinks they are.
None of us cooking.
Hey, what was that bit about a fish again?
Very good on fish.
Oh.
Like Merlins?
Or Marlins?
That's a wizard.
Did I say Merlins?
I meant to say Marlins.
Like, Marlins?
Oh, I feel like we should make this.
Do you think that will make my uncle come back to me?
Yes, we should make as much of it as we can.
For what?
It's clearly what it is.
It's an explosive recipe.
Literally.
It's meant to blow shit up.
What are we blowing up?
It goes good on fish.
I didn't even think about the explosive capacity.
We could blow stuff up with this.
The boom boom boys are back in action.
We love to blow shit up.
I'd sell the sauce out of this name.
All right.
Juckles.
Make it.
Chop, chop.
Yeah, but I can't handle this, you know, the food stuff.
That's outside my expertise.
It's not food.
It goes on food.
No, it's partly made of food.
One ingredient?
Okay.
I'm inviting you to help me do it.
If you want to be a jerk, you can be a jerk.
Okay.
I will help you make it.
I'm not trying to pull your arm.
This is supposed to be our chance to bond.
Do you want to bond or do you want to be a jerk?
Yes.
All right.
Well, why don't you go get fucked?
I'm going to sit here in the corner and pout.
All right.
So I start making it then.
It's only the characters just merged again.
Are you going to, what are you going to do, Chuck?
Is he going to make it or are you going to pout?
You're pouting?
I'm pouting.
All right.
I'll try to make it then.
All right.
Oh, Squish, while you tinker in the back, Captain, what are you doing?
I'm still investigating.
Okay.
It's not going, I'm not saying it's going well, but I'm trying to be, you know, I'm trying
to sober up a little bit.
Do you want to roll another survey?
See what you see?
Survey this time?
Let's do a survey this time.
Maybe that'll be good better than the last roll.
Are they different in your, oh.
Partial success.
Detective Captain Ghost.
While you don't find anything of particular value, you do start recognizing some of the
ingredients on the wall.
So you're able to find like the sulfur and the graphite and then the oil.
You're still missing the sriracha and the garlic.
But you also do find a stack of loody magazines.
Loody magazines?
Whoa, look at these.
You see what I found, lads?
They are comprised mostly of sketches of women showing off their ankles and collarbones.
That breaks me out of my pouting spell and I turn around and say, did you find loody magazines?
Have I found some loody magazines, my friend?
Are there ankles?
Do tell me.
All right.
Pass those over here.
Give me, give him, give him the juggles.
Give me one of those.
Why does your uncle have so many loody magazines hanging around these, hanging around the store?
I, maybe they're her glitz.
That's not good.
They're uncle frunkles.
Fair enough.
Well, them are a pair of gams.
Wow.
Look at them.
Look at them ankles.
They are.
Bridget, why don't you describe those ankles for us?
Please?
They're very slender ankles.
You know, there are no cankles here.
Not interested.
Cankles need not apply.
Wow.
All right.
You brought me back.
Now, what are we doing?
That's a good question.
What am I supposed to be looking for?
Sriracha oil.
And garlic.
Did I find that in my survey?
You found the sulfur and graphite in oil.
So you're just looking for sriracha and garlic now.
That's not sriracha and garlic.
That's sulfur and graphite oil.
So, sriracha, garlic, sulfur, oil, graphite.
You have found sulfur, oil, and graphite.
Oh, okay.
Are you sure, Squish, you don't just happen to have that on your person through like...
In your utility belt of cooking?
I check my pockets, my bag, no garlic.
But then I reach under my hat and find a piece of garlic.
This entire time, you've been bitching at him about garlic onions, and you had this under your hat the entire time?
I'm trying to bond with him.
I'm too busy pouting.
I thought those ankles got you out of it.
All right.
Wait.
So you've had an onion in your hat this whole time?
No, I've had garlic.
Which is the sibling of the mighty onion.
That's like a distant cousin.
Okay.
Twice removed.
Uh-huh.
A smelly cousin.
Keeps vampires away.
Okay.
Well, that would explain why vampires haven't been bothering us.
You're welcome.
Hmm.
Now, where are we going to find the sriracha sauce?
Um.
I would like to look in my bag again.
All right.
You can, uh, just roll one dice.
We'll do just a fortune roll, see if you have any sriracha in your bag.
You do.
It's like one of those to-go ketchup packets full.
It's not like a bottle.
I-
Yeah, so you find a little packet of sriracha.
But, uh, unfortunately, squish the, uh, the, uh, although you've found most of the ingredients
and you have assembled, uh, you don't really have the finesse to put them all together or
the, the skills.
Uh, it is a little bit outside.
I do imagine in the bottom of your bag, there were just, just dozens of little packets that
you were just sifting through until you found the one that said sriracha on it.
Yeah, it's like the fucking, it's like the fucking, uh, taco bell packets.
All right.
You got hot, medium.
No, I'm just sitting there throwing out, like, fire.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, here it is.
Oh, there it is.
All right.
Uh, Junkles, I did my part.
What?
I got the ingredients, so why don't you make this?
Oh.
Oh, yeah, we had the oil.
All right.
Uh, yeah.
Just, yeah, throw that in here.
And, uh, let me, let me do some science on it.
Okay.
Ah.
Ah, Junkles, do your stuff.
And then, uh, what, I roll?
Yeah.
Can you get an extra die, because I helped him?
Sure.
Although his tinker is four, so I think, uh.
Oh, tinker, it doesn't get any better than that.
Unless he fails miserably.
Huzzah!
Uh, you succeed without too much problem.
Uh, you kind of get one little plume of dust in your face, or a little bit of smoke in your
face as you're trembling these things.
That's good shit.
Oh, yeah, watch out for the sriracha.
It's spicy.
Oh, that's what that means?
Yeah.
Uh, I think not.
Okay.
As you, uh, you kind of mix them up in your little mortar and pestle, and you mix everything
together, and you're able to create one slightly neon-looking orange liquid that you pour into
a spare bottle.
Where, oh, where can we find an empty bottle?
In the bottle shop.
We are, we are in a box shop.
There's that too.
All right.
Um, all right.
Uh, this doesn't bring us any closer to solving the mystery of the missing uncle.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
I got sidetracked.
Who told you who had an uncle?
I've always had an uncle.
Did you know this about me?
Yes.
Bet you better not have an uncle.
You said that last time I told you about my uncle.
You better not have a cousin.
Uh, yes.
Hergoletto.
It's, this is, we've gone over this.
That is my most hated name for anyone.
Wow.
Especially cousins.
Wow.
That is quite unfortunate.
Um, I, we followed the boot tracks to the back.
Are there any more boot tracks?
Uh, there is not.
Um, and honestly, at this point, I think you guys are, you know, clued out.
Uh, you're not the Scooby-Doo gang here.
But luckily for you, uh, before you guys can even, uh, leave, uh, a man walks through the door.
He is big.
He is tall.
He is bald.
And he's a messy looking guy.
Okay, but we're in the back, right?
Uh, he is.
I guess you are in the back.
Okay.
But you definitely hear him come in.
His, like, feet, his boots clash on the, crunch on the glass.
What the hell was that?
Didi.
Go see what that was.
Didi.
We are sacrificing you to the scary man.
Yes.
Didi, uh, Didi walks, uh, into the front lobby and you hear this voice go,
Is that a fucking monkey?
No, goddammit, it's a mape.
I scream.
Squish.
Hey!
You the junkyard, boys.
Uh, that yard.
Just boys.
No, we're the boom boom boys.
We're the boom boom ball busters.
We are.
I did not agree to any of those.
Uh, we're just, we're just boys.
Uh, what?
Yeah.
It's not the cops.
You guys can come out.
It's fine.
Uh, there is a loud commotion as the man definitely fights off the monkey or attempts to.
Monkeys are incredibly strong.
Apes are even stronger.
And he is an ape.
And, uh, he kind of, there's just a general struggle.
And he's like, I am, of course, of course I have a knife on me.
What do you think this is?
Oh, this is, he's got a point.
Right.
All right.
He's got a point.
Um, can I say that we are like poking our heads out from the back room, like three stooges?
All three of our heads.
Just checking it out.
Like I said, the guy in front of you, he's very tall, very burly, mean mug, scarred guy.
Um, but you do recognize him oddly enough.
He is one of Baz's men.
Uh, you've seen him a few times when you've been to Baz's office.
Um, and he's pushing off, uh, DD and he goes, listen, I'm trying to help you here.
Call off your monkey.
I recognize you from Baz's parking lot.
That's where I saw you from.
It is an ape.
Come here, DD.
Let's get a cigarette.
And you just throw a cigarette into the other room and he chases after it.
Like getting rid of a dog.
I'm on the floor.
It's like a dog.
I'm sorry about that.
He is very drunk.
Listen, aren't we all?
What time is it?
4 p.m.
On a Tuesday?
Look, I'm just trying to help you guys.
Uh, I take it you've seen this.
Um, yeah, my uncle's gone missing.
Do you know anything about that?
Where's the man's uncle?
The police have him.
What?
Who's never heard a fly?
On purpose.
That's the friend.
That's the friend?
Didn't want to...
We're all very upset to hear this.
Um, Skylar was a, was a very good friend to all of us.
Skyluck.
Quite an up...
Skyluck was an upstanding citizen.
Baz is incredibly disheartened to hear what's happened.
And, uh, he wants to give you guys the opportunity to make it right with him.
So, uh, if you guys will follow me, we can go to Baz's office if you're done here.
Otherwise, I'll meet you there later.
Let's go.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna...
I had no...
Chat food here.
I had no plans for the evening.
All right, Dini.
Meet you back at the fort.
Erwin?
It sounds like Scooby-Doo.
I thought it was Tim Allen.
Well, either one.
He just used a bunch of sound bites from fucking Scooby-Doo.
All right.
Well, you get to, you get to Baz's office, and he's looking very serious, uh, when you
walk in, and he goes, uh, he's angry.
You can tell he's pacing the room.
Uh, boys, I'm so sorry to hear it.
I heard about your, uh, your uncle, Shylock.
Is he all of your uncles, or just you?
He's really my, my frunkle.
He's my uncle.
Just not biologically.
More of a...
general relationship.
It's that goddamn Lachlan.
He gets too big for his britches.
He took your uncle.
He took a couple of my men, too.
Uh, why?
Yeah, why?
Why?
Been doing some big things.
I know you guys have been busy with your own stuff.
You know, your own personal relationships and whatnot.
But, uh, I've got my own business here behind the scenes.
Uh, Tawny can tell you over here.
Tawny's the guy.
Uh, he points to, and it's the guy from earlier.
Uh, big, scary guy.
And he goes, uh, you know, I don't...
I got businesses I'm running, legitimate and otherwise.
And, uh, Lachlan came down like a hammer.
Just, just scooped...
Scooped up a good half dozen of my men and just stuck them in prison.
What the hell's that got to do with my uncle?
Well, conveniently, they're in the same prison.
Right.
But why did he...
Oh, I see.
You're gonna set up a score.
Prison Breakout.
That's the plan.
Yep.
Okay, these...
These illegitimate businesses you just mentioned.
Legitimate and otherwise.
Okay, these otherwise legitimate businesses.
Are any of them brothels?
I got my hand on a little bit of everything, sir.
Including a little bit of them, if you know what I mean.
Is there a way to get someone unbanned from future brothel visits?
I have enough incentive.
Do you think that's my concern right now?
Well...
Do you think that's my concern right now?
No.
We're on...
I mean, we're gonna make this part of the payment.
Payment?
I thought getting your uncle out of prison would have been payment enough.
Eh, for uncle.
All right.
Yeah, but it's my uncle.
Not right.
Logically.
I want to save him.
What about your cousin?
My cousin?
I don't...
She's not a prostitute.
Didn't say...
Wait, she's not?
I don't think so.
I think she works at the shop.
Let's forget about this whole illegitimate business thing, then.
I say we save the lad's uncle.
He's my cabin boy, and I'm concerned about his mental health.
And his uncle sounds like a good influence on his life.
That makes him your cabin brother.
My cabin brother!
What's wrong with you, Swiss?
If I'm your cabin boy, my uncle's your cabin brother.
Baz, we'll do this pro bono.
What?
No, no, no!
Captain does not speak for us all.
Yes, I do.
No, you do not.
I'm the captain, goddammit.
Paul, shut him up.
No.
He is the captain.
No, he's a captain, I think, maybe, possibly.
It's more of a name than a title.
It's more of a, you know, a position more than a title.
I think it might even be like an honorary title at this point.
Well, honorarily, let's go save this man.
I don't know why I'm complaining.
I would do this pro bono.
I love this man.
I would not.
Not the captain.
Wow.
After all, I've supported you.
I mean, I like you just fine.
But I love my uncle.
In a weird way.
What did you have to say in those last three words?
You were thinking it.
And it's four words.
So I'm adding to the list of potential titles now that I'm doing this.
It's Boom Boom Boys and Love Your Uncle in a Weird Way.
Yeah, let's go save your weird uncle.
No, he's not weird.
The way I love him is weird.
Look, my men are in that prison.
And I am on the precipice of getting everything I've wanted.
After we've been this close to taking all of Crow's Nest for ourselves.
The Red Sash has never been worse.
The whole thing with Watts Manor.
So much heat on us.
Everyone's looking at us.
We're this close to success.
And half of my crew gets taken by prison guards.
Prisoners.
Or gets taken prisoner.
And I can't even think straight.
Name your price.
I have one question.
What is a precipice?
We're on the edge of doing something great.
I'm so close to success.
I can smell it.
And do you know what it doesn't smell like?
Onions.
Onions and garlic.
Garlic and monkeys.
Apes.
And apes.
And all of your shenanigans.
Name your price.
And I will get you what you need to get my men out of prison.
And save your uncle while you're at it.
All right.
Let's huddle about this, boys.
Guys, I'm going to be honest.
I don't know how we're going to blow up a prison.
Hey, don't we just get a recipe for that?
Maze of rocks.
We just got a recipe.
We just got boom boom juice.
I have a suspicion this is what we're meant to do.
So we should make a cake and cover it in boom boom juice.
And give it.
And files.
And vials.
And give it.
Files.
Like nail files.
And nail files.
And a cake.
And give it.
To my uncle.
In a conjugal visit.
All right.
We need to rethink this one.
What?
I'm not a fan of the nail files anymore.
Okay.
We should change that part up.
Hold on.
What?
Have you boys ever been.
Have you ever been booked in the hawk's nest?
That's the prison.
We're huddling over here, Baz.
I just.
I might have some advice that might.
Determine your plan of action.
We have to figure out a price first.
Is that what we're doing?
Is that what you're figuring out?
I heard you talking about cakes.
Yeah.
We did.
We were.
Oh, I thought we were getting paid with cakes.
With files in them.
Sorry.
Continue talking about your price.
Meanwhile, your uncle is rotting in prison.
Well, he was always rotting.
Fair enough.
Have you seen him?
His face was rotting.
No.
Literally.
Sorry.
That was out of character.
That was just me.
Uh.
Yeah.
Did you say conjugal?
I mean, it's the only way to get close to him.
Wait.
I hold my head up.
I turn at Baz and go, Baz, what does conjugal mean?
It's.
Well, when a man loves a woman or perhaps a nephew loves an uncle.
And they decide to do more.
To do more than just.
Than hold hands.
You ever been to a brothel, son?
No.
You won't let me in yours anymore.
Anyway.
Beside the point.
All right.
Let's go with three coins each, boys.
And a cake.
You'll do it for a cake.
And three coins.
And three coins each.
Three coins each.
And a cake.
Yes.
Done.
I don't even care.
Like.
You don't understand how close I am to failing here.
Did I say three?
I meant five.
No.
You got three.
You got three each and a cake.
A cake.
Now, is that a cake each or just one cake?
A cake each.
One cake.
Well, cake each.
What are you fucking doing?
Shut up.
Three, like, smaller cakes.
Who wants three cakes?
It's going to be stupid.
We have to share the cake.
You don't have any food to begin with.
You have onions.
Let me have cake.
Onions is food.
For you.
Yeah.
I keep whiskey.
Eating a cake.
Having an entire cake to yourself is sad.
Having one cake amongst three people is happy.
A celebration.
We live in a junk fort with a poop chute.
We sleep next to.
I'm not concerned about how I look when I eat cake.
We love that about ourselves.
Actually, I'm with the captain on this.
Three cakes each.
We can make a night of it.
All right.
We'll just merge the cakes into one mega cake.
Or one cake each.
One cake each.
I don't even know what I'm arguing with you.
I don't want a cake.
All right.
I will eat some of the other cakes.
Three coins.
Three coins each.
One cake each.
Nine coins.
Three cakes.
However you guys want to split it up, that's fine.
I don't care.
I need you to get my men out of this prison.
All right.
What's your secret intel on this?
Per risen.
It's not the secret, boys.
It's a fucking fortress.
Yeah.
You can get in there.
It's going to be top of the block.
You have like secret.
It's not.
What was the name of this?
I think he's saying, I think he's hinting that we ought to get arrested.
All I'm telling you is that you've never been there.
It's the hawk's nest.
It's a two.
It's a fortress.
There is one entrance that is in the front.
It is where all of the guards and crow's nest, all the policemen.
It's their base of headquarters.
They sleep there.
They train there.
They live there.
It is crawling with blue coats.
So how do we get in?
Let's get arrested, boys.
Yeah, I'm asking you your advice, Baz.
What would you do to get in this prison?
You could get yourselves arrested, but then you got to have a plan for once you get arrested
to breaking out of the cell that you're in.
You could go in there as guards.
There is one other entrance.
It is over the tower that you would have to scale, but it is the outside entrance of the
training grounds.
You could get in that way.
I'll give you Tawny if you want.
You can take him with you, too.
No, thanks.
Wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let's not pass up Tawny here.
What?
I don't like the way he looks.
Why not?
He was mean.
I think he looks right.
What was he though?
He didn't do anything to you.
I don't know.
I don't want to mess up our chemistry.
We have good chemistry going on.
He beat up my ape.
Yeah, that wasn't good.
We like our ape.
We do like our ape.
We got a good thing going here, guys.
I don't think we should add a fourth.
Yeah, but.
I don't know.
We're like the three amigos.
You ever hear of the four amigos?
Version.
There's no such thing of four amigos.
Have you ever heard of the four musketeers?
Never.
Not even once.
There was a fourth one.
Yeah, and he got cut.
They fired his ass.
No, he didn't.
Yeah.
And there actually was four musketeers.
Yes, that's why I made that joke, Captain.
No, there's only ever three musketeers.
No, there's a fourth.
Yeah, but they didn't like the fourth.
Don't take Tawny.
Tony, it's up to you.
Doesn't really matter.
But I'll make it the deal sweeter.
For every one of my men that you get out, you can get an extra coin.
This is quite a score.
I'd include if we get Tony arrested and escape with him.
Tony's a tough man.
He knows how to get out of prison.
Yeah, it's not an extra coin to get him arrested and then break him out.
Listen, he's really desperate here.
I feel like this is really dangerous.
That's why we need the fourth.
I'm not a big fan of the fourth.
I'm saying three is a magical number.
Captain, what do you think about this?
I say bring the fourth, but have him be as our backup plan.
No.
Wait.
He'll get arrested on his own thing.
And if things go sour with us, we'll have a backup guy in prison with us.
I'm just trying to get creative.
I don't know why you asked me this question.
I was just trying to involve you.
Oh, I'm scared.
I had some wise words.
It's not a bad idea.
All right.
More allies on the inside will be better.
Yeah, I guess he does look more like a prison guard than we do.
He probably has way less heat than us.
No offense.
All taken.
Here's what we'll do.
Juggles, he'll come up to you at some time in the prison and he'll pretend to be your prison daddy.
And that's how we get him in there.
Prison daddy?
Why are you always trying to give me a daddy?
Yeah.
I'm a cabin boy.
You're your con, con, con, con, con, good general visitor.
You know I have an uncle already.
Yeah, but if you're in prison, that's one way to get him in.
Oh, fuck.
And hopefully just the one way.
That was a sex pun.
Yeah.
I feel, I felt bad as soon as I said it.
I apologize.
All right.
So, uh, as far as planning to get in there, I, I don't remember there's like three or four
options that you can do to break into a place.
I mean, unless you guys can think of, uh, some more, you can either go in as prison guards,
pretend you're blue coats and, and that you belong there.
You could get yourself arrested and thrown in, but then again, you don't have run of the place.
You'll be locked in a cage.
Uh, you could try to scale the wall.
Uh, that's a little risky, but you know, I don't know.
Uh, that's, I, I suppose, you know, if you do anything before you start rescuing people,
uh, it is, it is a headquarters of police.
It's heavily armed.
It's heavily guarded.
So I'd recommend not causing any of your patented chaos until after you got your friend.
Oh, we're blowing up that prison.
Well, what if, can, can squish maybe get hired as a chef there?
That's a possibility.
And we can get Tawny hired as a guard maybe.
So we have two inside people.
I like that idea.
And me and the captain can have a brawl in one of the local pubs and get arrested.
They've been wanting my ass for years.
I'm the legendary Captain Fitzglyde.
All right.
You can get, you can get arrested.
What, what, what can I do?
I'll beat you up.
You're the cabin boy.
I'm, you're my assistant.
I'm guilty.
You're guilty by, you're guilty by, you're accessory to the fact of being a cabin boy.
I'm accessory to the fact of being a cabin boy.
So, uh, Tawny's going to go in as a guard.
Squish, you're going to go in as a chef.
Clyde and Chuckles, you're going to get arrested.
Captain and Chuckles arrested, right?
I have one last idea.
What if the captain says they've been wanting his, wanting him for years?
What if he finally turns himself in and I'll get on the inside by visiting my uncle?
So then we'll all be in there for a different reason.
Conjure.
Are you sure you don't want me to beat you up?
I prefer not to be beat up.
Hey, here's, here's an idea.
What if we get Tawny to turn Captain in for the bounty?
We were told there's a pretty hefty price on our heads.
From the cops?
Yeah.
Why didn't he just arrest us there in the bar then?
Well, that's kind of what I was thinking, but I was too afraid to ask him.
Well, he's probably worried we're going to fall in love.
Because I did not, I did not want to get arrested.
And Dee Dee can scale the side of the building into that.
Yes.
Yeah.
Over the tower.
I don't know how we're going to signal to him because he doesn't speak English nor sign.
He mostly just smokes cigarettes.
He's going to have to carry Paul.
That's enough for a distraction.
He's going to have to take Paul with him because I can't, I don't, I don't want to lose my buddy Paul.
Shut up about Paul.
We really should not.
We should not be carrying around our most valuable asset in the stitching of our coat.
I don't see why not.
I think it's very, keep your enemies close and your talking lines closer.
Do say that.
I think we need a break.
Sounds like a good, good plan.
Let's take a break.
Thank you.
You will be recognized.
Yeah, but I got a right to visit my uncle.
I would be recognized if I would be recognized if I tried to sneak in.
Yeah, but you, I would be there.
You have to, I assume, you have to look at you, I would be arrested.
You know, I would be there, but you know, I would be there, but you know, I'm not wanted.
I'm not wanted.
There's a bounty on our heads.
That means you want to.
Yeah, but not by the cops.
The cop is the one that told us.
Yeah, but I don't think he was saying that because he didn't try to arrest us in the pub.
Well, that's because the pub would have our backs.
He knew he was outnumbered.
That is crooked.
Can I ask the GM to clear up this disagreement?
If you wanted to do a conjugal visit when you do your action rule, I would just give you like it'd be standard risky.
And that would depend whether or not they recognize you.
Honestly, I would say that they probably like there is a bounty on your head on all three of your heads.
But I also don't think you're that like if you were to dress up slightly different, I don't think anyone would notice.
They wouldn't recognize you right away.
You're not that identifiable.
I would have to disguise myself a little bit.
Except for the giant tattoo he's got.
Of myself.
Who doesn't have a tattoo of themselves?
I mean, as long as you're not wearing what you took, you know, your fancy clothes, your denim tuxedo that you wore in the picture.
I think you you might be fine if you look like a normal person or however you want to do it.
But like I would say probably you need to disguise yourself somewhat.
I for one will never take off my frock coat.
But we are wanted by the cops for what we've done during this campaign.
They definitely would like to talk to you.
And not in a polite way.
Well, I heard price on on your head and I wasn't sure if that meant like for the gangs in town or if it's.
Exactly.
Who's got a price on your head?
It sounds like a little bit of everyone.
Yeah, everyone's a little pissed at you.
We're blowing up a rich person's house and punching that guy in the nuts prior to blowing up his house.
There's some things you just don't do.
Punching people in the nuts isn't a crime.
It is exactly a crime.
No, it's not a crime.
I think it's assault and battery.
First Amendment.
Punch someone in the nuts.
I don't know.
Do we know Dust Bowl's?
Constitution?
No, Andy, we can't read.
I was just I was just trying to come up with an idea.
I never said I couldn't read.
You didn't admit to it, but we all know it's true.
I was just saying that we were I was just trying to get come up with a reason we could all get into the prison separately.
And I thought that would be an advantage.
But I'm not.
I know you're getting that.
But yeah, I just wanted to bring that point up.
So it would be slightly.
It wouldn't be trivial, but.
It would be a slight disadvantage.
I'm fine.
That's an infiltration.
Yeah.
And I feel like if if we got Tawny as an employee, you know, he would know some weaknesses.
And myself.
And you, too.
Yeah.
Because you'll be you'll be a chef.
You'll get to do your favorite thing in the world, which is to cook.
Yeah.
I got this really awesome dish for them.
Yeah.
That'll that'll make anyone confess.
Apparently.
And we'll have the donkey sauce.
No, the boom boom sauce.
I don't I don't think it is.
I just want to say boom boom sauce is a is is a real thing.
It is a real thing.
Is a guy fear.
Even though I did make it up.
I did not make it up.
It's a it's a sweet sweet and spicy mayonnaise based sauce.
I thought that was Bane Bane sauce.
It's it possibly is the same thing.
It seems like it's kind of the child's name.
The moops.
The card says moops.
Okay, let's go with that plan.
I mean, I don't know what we do after that, but we'll be in the prison all at once.
I OK.
So let's get Tawny to turn in cap captain.
Sure.
In exchange for a bounty, giving him a job.
Yeah.
And then squish, you're going to get hired on as a chef.
Ideally.
Yeah.
I don't know.
You're going to get checked in for a conjugal visit.
And I'm going to get hired on as a nephew.
Yep.
And then are we having as DD still going to scale the walls?
So DD will be our ace in the hole.
Again.
Yeah.
Deus Ex Monkey.
Monkey.
Oh, there's the title for the next.
Deus Ex Monkey.
Yeah.
All right.
OK.
Let's go, boys.
So who wants to.
So because you're all doing something slightly different, I'm going to have you each roll your
own action roll.
So who wants to go first?
I'll do it.
All right.
Hold on.
Everybody see that prison?
I can see.
Oh, there are so many guards.
Yes.
So just so I, I'll, I'll kind of.
Let me put.
Oh, my God.
So big.
No comment, guys.
Honey.
And then let me look at Clyde.
Can you see their little buttons on there?
Clyde, you can see yourself.
Yeah.
So down in the left hand corner, just to give you, since I feel like this is only fair, since
you guys are going to be hired in here to give you kind of an idea.
So you walk in.
That is like the front entrance.
There's two options from there.
You can go to the well, you can go up and that's to like the interior rooms, the private
rooms.
If you go straight, that'll take you down.
I'm going to take you Clyde.
You guys can see him.
He's going to go down this hallway.
Boop, boop, boop.
Okay.
Of course.
There is like a records room down there.
But if you cross down this doorway, there are some holding cells there.
And then the actual like to the rest of the prison is down these steps.
So it's an underground prison.
Yeah.
There's a basement.
What if he gets arrested?
I don't do good with basements, guys.
What if he becomes the prison librarian and he loves it?
Where are the conjugal trailer?
There are no conjugal visits.
There are regular visits.
Well, there goes half of our plan.
Yeah.
The good half.
Those are in the basement.
And there are guards everywhere.
The people in here, I don't know if you zoom in, you can see them.
It says thug.
They're just like prisoners.
Those are the other prisoners in there.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
They all look the same.
Yeah.
They're just the copy of the same.
I know.
It's just like, what is it?
From Rick and Morty.
The D&D.
All the soccer moms.
Yeah.
All the soccer moms.
I did the same thing for my campaign.
I was like, I'm not uploading 20 different unique individuals.
Right.
All right.
Okay.
So, Chuckles.
Not Chuckles.
Captain.
Go ahead and roll your action roll.
So, you're going to pick one of your ratings.
Probably two.
That's what you have.
My what?
When you roll an action roll, you pick one of your ratings for like your insight, your progress, or your resolve.
Okay.
You have two on each.
It doesn't matter.
So.
All right.
So, just roll your dice roll then, and then add two dice?
I'm just going through this, make sure there's nothing.
Position, it's definitely risky.
And, uh.
You push yourself.
Yeah.
Just go ahead and roll two.
To see how well you do to start with.
Two dice?
Yeah.
On a simple roll, because I don't see, like, right?
You don't see, like, an extra.
Yeah.
Then, just on a simple roll.
Success.
You do it.
So, Tawny, uh, you find that Tawny is, uh, somehow has gotten his hand on a police uniform.
Um, he's wearing, like, the typical blue jacket, white, uh, white shirt underneath.
Uh, and he takes you by the scruff, and he busts open the police guard, or the hawk's nest, uh, door.
Inside, there's one guard standing there, and he kind of looks up, and he goes,
Which one's that one?
One.
Tawny?
You.
I'm the Captain Fitz Clyde.
That's who I am.
Tawny kind of shakes you really quick, and he goes, uh, he says he's the captain.
He's, uh, he's wanted for public indecency, public drunkenness, potentially arson.
Uh, I'm here to, to put him away.
Got any complaints?
I didn't do it.
Uh, he, uh, the guard kind of looks him over and hands Tawny some paperwork, uh, to start filling out, to start getting you arrested.
Oh, fun.
Paperwork.
As Tawny, uh, fills, fills out the paperwork, uh, the guard kind of comes over to you, and he, uh, attempts to start kind of, like, feeling you, you know, making sure you're not holding anything.
You took the lion off.
You took Paul off, right?
Was I supposed to?
Yes.
I mean, I really stitched him in there good.
He's pretty hidden.
You can't see him.
You changed your shirt then.
You're getting frisked.
You're going to prison.
But I'm...
Uh...
Yeah.
I stitched him in really good.
I don't think they're gonna find him.
Uh, as he's frisking you, do you have any knives or weapons or anything on your person?
Oh, heavens no.
Just a few bottles, uh, you know, uh...
Some broken.
Some broken, you know, uh, you know, uh, yeah, just, uh, the Neelix bottle, that's about it.
I don't have anything really too big.
He takes all of your objects and he puts them in a little box.
Um, and then, uh, as...
Even all of the bottles, any of the bottles he can find.
So he pulls out the Neelix bottle, an empty ghost bottle, uh, cause that's all you have, right, is the two?
Yeah, I think so.
Uh, he pulls out your whiskey bottle.
He pulls out another whiskey bottle.
And then an empty whiskey bottle.
And he puts them in a box.
And, uh, he puts the box on the counter and then kind of shoves it through this little, like, hole in the wall.
And, uh, as he, you know, he...
It goes into the room next.
Tawny hands over the paperwork.
And he walks you down to the first room, which is, like, an interview room.
Oh, lovely.
All right, who's next?
I pull out another bottle.
Who's next?
I'll go next.
All right, and you're getting, uh, you're just gonna apply there for, uh, for a job as a cook?
I want to apply as a, as a cook, yeah.
Make him do a stage.
Don't make me do a stage.
Make him do a stage.
I don't know what a stage is.
It's like a trial period for chefs.
So, like, they'll go in for a day to work the restaurant.
It's a cook audition.
Yeah, it's a cook audition.
Oh, okay.
Uh, go ahead and do your action roll, too.
Or, yeah, to start with.
Am I in here anywhere?
Um, we'll see how you do.
Well, I don't, I can't make the action roll, I don't think, because I'm not in here.
Oh, oh, you mean like that.
Okay.
Yeah.
No, sorry.
Sorry, I meant, like, you meant in the room, and I was like, no, you're not in there yet.
Oh, I was in there.
No, I just dragged you in.
All right, but, uh, what action?
Oh, it's one of the ones on the side.
So you have, like, insight is three.
You might want to use that.
Um, and roll three.
I should have four on insight.
Uh, it's just the first column that they count.
Oh, right.
You did tell me that last time.
Okay.
I do.
Your, your insight is four?
No, my insight is four, technically.
Yeah.
All totaled, yeah.
But I have three, three in the first column.
Of what?
Yeah, that's how they measure insight.
Two to hunt, one to survey, one to tinker.
Just trying to think in the future, maybe.
Yeah.
So I should just roll three, D.
Yeah.
Well, that's...
Should have pushed myself.
Uh, so you, you show up...
Did you...
I applied for the, I applied for the sous chef job.
The sous chef job?
Did you apply through the newspaper, or was, are you coming in in person to apply?
Oh, I'm in person.
Okay.
Uh, so, uh, you get to the front door, and the same guard looks at you and kind of does a...
What are you here for?
The sous chef job, sir?
Oh, yeah.
They said someone like you is coming.
Hold on.
Uh, let me go, uh...
Let me go grab the other, the other chef, and he...
Kind of walks away.
Comes back with this...
In the same uniform.
All of these guys are wearing the same uniform.
But you can tell he's, uh, definitely a little bit larger, a little bit sloppier.
Definitely looks like he's been drinking a little bit, and he kind of, like, looks you over, and he's like, oh.
Do you have any, uh, do you have any experience, uh...
Yeah.
Demon boy?
I worked at the Golden Plum.
I work at the Golden Plum, actually, so...
You work at the Golden Plum.
I gotta be honest.
Don't.
I've eaten there.
The food's not that good.
You haven't had mine.
I'd like to see it.
Well, you're lucky, because, uh, my normal sous chef is, uh, is a little, you know...
Let's just say he's not so good around knives anymore, you know?
You kind of lose your hand, and things go south.
No, I don't know.
Lots of things can happen in a, in a prison.
You're gonna be cooking for, for the, for the policemen, for the bluecoats.
You're gonna be cooking something for the, uh, for the inmates.
And that's, you know, two very different things.
Now, me?
I'm an inmate chef.
I, I get those men fed.
I keep them alive, and that's all that matters.
Do I get to cook for the warden?
You'll be cooking for everybody else.
So why not the warden, right?
Why not the warden?
All right.
Let's go.
He doesn't like you, um, but he is gonna lead you, this guy, he is gonna lead you down into the kitchen.
Um, as you walk past the kitchen, you're gonna see, uh, you're gonna see the captain is getting tossed into one of these interview rooms.
I giggle.
With Tawny behind him.
I laugh even harder.
Into the kitchen.
And while he's there, uh, this guard is gonna kind of keep an eye on you.
This, this chef that's in there now.
He's gonna be watching you the entire time.
So the guard is a, is the chef?
Yes, the guard is the chef.
He, he also works there, but yeah, he's the chef.
Uh, but he is gonna be watching you the entire time.
And he starts barking orders at you, telling you, you know, make me this, make me that, let's see how well you can do.
All right, well then, I will make those for him.
Uh,
Chuckles, you're up.
So we're all in place, right?
Chuckles.
So, uh, the captain is currently getting, uh, kind of getting interrogated.
Chuckle, uh, Squish is in the kitchen.
Um, yeah.
And you can either come in now or do you want to wait?
It's up to you.
Well,
I mean, I'm assuming this is not all happening on the same,
day.
I thought they would be like installed a little bit.
So you like Squish would have a couple of days under his belt.
Okay.
Right.
And also Tawny would have a couple of days on it.
So yeah, like a little bit of time has passed and that, that was my idea anyway.
And, uh, so Squish has been, you know, working there as a cook for a little while.
Tawny is working there as a guard for a little while.
And the captain has been a prisoner for longer than he expected to be because he wasn't listening to the plan.
Are you guys all good with that?
Yeah.
Okay.
Uh, so I'm just going to kind of go through really quickly.
Uh, captain, you get interrogated.
Uh, they ask you dozens of questions, who you are, what are you doing?
You know, can you explain where you were on this day?
Can you explain where you want on that day?
And between your drinking and your, um, general amnesia, you don't really remember anything.
You can't really give them any coherent answers.
So they've stuck you in the drunk tank.
I'm screaming that I'm a diplomat.
Who taught you that word?
So I'm the drunk tank?
Oh, hold on.
Yeah, hold on.
I'm just trying to move this other guard.
There we go.
Just move him over.
There.
You're in the drunk tank, uh, over on the first floor.
Uh, there's a large holding pen with, uh, five men in it, but you're in a solo cell, uh, in between two other people.
Do you know who I am?
I'm captain address Fitzcline, the ghost pirate and diplomat.
And, uh, a quiet voice on, like, the first or second day that you're doing this.
There, there's a voice on the other side and he goes,
Captain Clyde?
Yes?
It's Captain Clyde.
For, for real?
Yes, yes.
I've finally been captured.
Well, I gave myself up.
These fools don't know who they have, though.
In between the walls of the prison cell, there are, um, you know, they're not, they go pretty high up, but there is, like, a little space between that and the wall.
And he goes, prove it.
Um, I jump up on the thing and I, like, try to show them.
I'm, show them.
Look at my red frack coat.
Only the best captains could wear that.
This guy on the other side, he's a very old, very sunbaked, wrinkly, long beard, very, very thin man, very, very old man.
And he goes, Captain, it is you.
Who are you?
I can't see you from over here.
Plus, I've got an eye patch.
It's this old cabin boy.
I served on your ship all those years ago.
It's been so long, Captain.
I can still see the beauty of your red frack coat.
And he kind of reaches out, you know, in a way.
He's like grabbing at it a little bit.
Yes, it's a very lovely, very fine frack.
Captain, you look.
You look like you haven't aged a day.
No, I keep fit.
It's all those whiskey sours.
And about 100 push-ups a week.
Impressive.
But who are you, lad?
I can't remember.
I can't see you.
I've had some memory issues lately.
I think I got conked in the head.
Oh, you remember poor old Bugsby, don't you?
I was your bosun.
Your right-hand man.
Someone even called me a cabin boy.
My bosun bugs me.
Oh, I remember it just as it was yesterday.
What was that name of the ship that...
Oh, she floated like an angel through the waters.
She had such an exotic name.
I don't remember.
Do you?
I told you I have amnesia.
The Kahuna wave.
No.
This is all a better setup.
She was so beautiful.
Sailing the seven seas.
Or eight.
Or however many we could find.
Such beautiful lizards.
Wow.
The captain.
What's happened to your ship?
What's happened to the rest of the crew?
I don't remember, Bugsby.
I woke up...
I woke up on a beach here one day.
And I don't remember how I got here.
I remember bits and pieces of being on the ship.
I remember bits and pieces of being...
Of being a pirate.
I don't remember anything else.
I don't remember what happened to the...
Kahuna wave.
I don't remember anything.
Do you?
What were...
Where were you?
What happened?
How did you end up here?
You left me.
What?
Ten years ago.
You left me.
We went on a shore leave.
And Doscavel.
I come back to port.
Not...
On time.
And I look.
And there you are.
Just waving at me as you pulled away.
That doesn't sound like me.
You were laughing.
That does sound like me.
I said...
I was almost ten years ago.
And I've...
I've been...
Well, things haven't been good for me.
And a couple months ago, they threw me in here.
Bugsby.
My lad.
I will not leave you in here.
You'll be cabin boy-ing again before I have anything to say.
You'll be a bosun again.
I'll get you out of here, boy.
I've got a plan.
What is it?
Tell me, Captain.
Let me just put it this way.
I did not...
I totally planned on being in this prison.
Totally.
100%.
All right.
No doubt.
Well, if you...
You say so, sir.
Don't worry.
Well, things will...
You just...
When I...
You just...
Keep an eye out.
And I try winking, but I've got an iPad, so that doesn't work.
And also, he can't see my face, anyway.
I always still like your sense of humor, sir.
Oh, yes.
I guess I did have one of those back in the day.
All right.
So, he's securely in prison.
Wish, you've been learning the ropes.
You've been cooking.
Your cooking seems to make a...
Let's do an action fortune roll.
Just roll one dice.
We'll see how your...
While your cooking has been taking over the guards.
Can I push myself?
Yeah.
You know what?
Give yourself plus one.
Because you are a trained chef.
Or...
Well, you do...
You are good.
Relatively.
Can I push myself even harder?
You know, you've done well.
People like your food.
But people don't trust you.
Because one, you're a demon.
And two, like...
What's this new guy doing here?
Who's just making stuff?
You know?
Who's complaining about this?
The inmates?
Oh, no.
The inmates are too good.
I'll whip them until they like my food.
What's the deal with this shit on a shingle from this new guy?
Right.
Like...
That's so funny.
Like, what?
He thinks he can come in here and just make things better?
Like, what?
We weren't doing a good enough job beforehand?
Oh, he's uppity.
He's so uppity.
I went the opposite way.
He's so uppity.
I know.
I follow.
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
Trax.
Squish is a real piece of shit.
Yeah.
So, they don't trust you.
You're the new guy.
And, you know, you're, you know, a demon.
And that's just generally disliked.
But also, like, you are good at what you do.
Which is even more infuriating.
Right.
All right, Cap.
Squish.
I'm just kidding.
All right, Chuckles.
It's your turn.
All right.
Now, I am the catalyst.
I'm going to put this in motion.
And I'm going to walk in and go up to the front desk.
And I imagine a person behind the front desk.
A receptionist, if you will.
And he goes, he says, name?
I am here to visit my dear uncle.
Uncle.
You're going to have to give me more than that.
A lot of people have uncles in this city.
Skluck.
I am Skluck Jr.
And I am here to visit Skluck Sr.
Is that your uncle or your father?
My, no, he's my uncle.
But he practically raised me.
So I took his first name.
My guard count lets you up and down.
Let's do an action roll to see how well you convince this guy.
So your highest action is three with your prowess.
Can I use prowess?
So it's just, it's the number.
Hold on.
Yeah.
You just click on it and it'll, it should roll.
Oh, I see prowess.
So you, you pick like the one on the side, either insight prowess or resolve.
And you have no resolve.
Don't pick that one.
All right.
We normally don't, uh, don't do family visits, but, uh, if you follow me, I'll, uh, I'll have
you go see Skluck.
To the conjugal visit trailer, right?
Uh, it's not a trailer, son.
It's just, just a desk and there's no conjugal visits.
We'd appreciate it if everyone keeps their clothes on at this time.
But I can touch him.
No, sir.
Please don't touch behind, between the glass.
Emotionally?
Yes.
Our relationship is fraught.
Yes, you can touch, you can touch him emotionally.
Emotionally.
Uh, so he starts to, uh, to lead you into, hold on.
Lost my spot.
Uh, he's gonna lead you into this first room where there are, uh, multiple guards in here.
There's like three of them.
Um, and one of the, he talks to one of the guards, that guard leaves.
Takes, you know, quite a long time because he's got to go down the hallway, down the stairs,
grab Shylock, bring him up, bring him to the stairs, back up the stairs.
Um, and as he's coming up the stairs, uh, Captain, you can see him walk past.
Do you say anything?
You just ignore him.
I ignore him.
Okay.
Um, and as he's walking, he passes the, uh, the kitchen.
There's no door there.
Uh, so you don't see him squish, but they bring Shylock in on the other side of the, uh, of the, of the wall here.
So it's like a glass partition.
So you can see him and he can see you, but there's, there's no touching there or anything.
And he looks really beat up.
No touching.
He looks really beat up and he's, uh, his eyes kind of swollen and he's dirty and he's just like, just very deranged.
And he, but he goes, uh, chuckles.
Chuckles is, is that you?
Uncle, you look like shit.
Oh, you, you won't believe what happened.
I was, I was in my shop and, and then all of a sudden there's this commotion and, and I was dragged, dragged over here.
Were you doing illegal stuff?
I would never, I, I, I, everything I do, I have permits for them.
I don't, they, I, I have of all the required listings, I wasn't doing anything illegal.
They won't even tell me why I'm here.
I haven't even been, been able to talk to anyone.
You're the first one.
Do you have a lawyer?
I don't have a lawyer.
Well, you do now.
I thought that's why you were here.
Did you get a lawyer?
No, I'm, I'm.
Are you my lawyer?
I'm a lawyer.
And then I want to get up really close to the glass.
And I motioned to him to get also really close to the glass.
And he, uh, he kind of leans in.
Uncle.
I'll bust you out.
Looks at you, he's like, bust, bust me out of prison?
How?
Don't know yet, but I feel like it's gonna come together.
Now hold on.
And then I take out my walkie-talkie.
Squish.
Squish, come in.
I love that.
Squish.
Over.
Squish.
I'm in position.
For what?
Exfiltration.
Of who?
The target.
We have multiple targets.
The most important target.
The
uncle target.
My uncle.
The frunkle target?
Yes.
America's uncle.
But do we
get
anything
for that?
We get
love
for me.
No,
we gotta
get
love and acceptance.
I love and
accept you.
Are we having a moment?
Not yet.
Okay.
Don't.
You've ruined it.
All right.
So then I,
I,
uh,
over.
and I pull out of my
breast pocket
a list
and I hold it up
against the glass
and I say,
uncle,
do you know these people?
He,
he reads the names
and he's like,
I,
I don't,
I don't recognize these.
I don't think so.
Read it again.
You don't know them?
They're fellow prisoners,
I believe.
Are,
are these all
Baz's men?
Who wrote the list?
I assume that it's
from Baz.
I didn't write it.
So you think
Baz gave you a list
of everyone he wanted
you to break out?
That's the,
that was the assumption.
Okay.
Uh,
he,
he leans in
and he reads the name
and he goes,
do,
do these men
all work for Baz?
Flashback.
All right.
Set the scene.
Go.
All right.
So we're in,
we're in Baz's office
and I ask him,
I ask Baz,
like,
hey Baz,
like,
I know you want to get these,
some of your crew out.
Do you have names
of these guys?
And pictures.
Oh,
well,
there's names
and preferably pictures,
but it's not all for,
for one of the two.
Descriptions.
Some sort of physical attributes.
Yeah.
One of the three.
He's like,
well,
and he starts writing down
a list of a dozen
or so names
and he hands it to you.
He's like,
Tony will know
who these men are.
He can point them out to you.
Juckles.
Oh,
Tawny.
Tawny can,
Tawny will know
who these men are.
I thought you said Tony.
Oh,
sorry.
No,
Tawny.
Okay.
All right.
Tawny will know
who these men are.
He'll point them out to you.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Flashback done,
I guess then.
Yeah.
So,
Skyluck asked,
Truckles,
do these men work for Baz?
Uh,
yes.
And part of the deal
to help you get out,
I got to get these guys out too.
Truckles,
do you work for Baz?
Oh,
no.
I didn't know
this was going to be a reveal.
Yes.
Baz is the one
who threw me in here.
Baz,
are we talking about
the same Baz?
head of,
uh,
the crow's feet,
head of his own little gang?
Yeah.
He runs the place?
Uh.
Who do you think
I've been playing protection
to all these years?
And,
hold on.
Baz threw you in here?
Yeah.
He's the men
coming into my shop.
This real tall,
scary looking,
bald,
scar-faced guy?
No neck?
No neck!
Oh,
no.
I know that guy.
He is not a good job.
Oh,
no.
I feel like both Tiger
and Charles Anders
have been flummoxed
right now.
and as this realization
dawns on you,
you hear alarm bells
going off in the prison.
and I know that guy.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Oh, oh, oh.
Thank you.