All right, well, welcome back.
So I'll give a quick read of the newspaper.
It's called Calm Before the Storm.
Are drugs bad for you if you feel better?
Our crew spent their time relaxing before setting out on a new adventure.
The captain returned to an old friend and told her his plans of finding the Kahuna Wave
now that he found a treasure map.
Tawny and Chuckles bonded in a strange drug den, and it seemed to lift their spirits.
Squish entered into a partnership with Rigney and finished working on his new rifle.
The captain also finished working on the Gar Barge and has made her seat worthy after visiting
what may have been a sailing-themed restaurant.
But good sails and a long stick does not make for an easy voyage.
They first have to leave the city, and Baz controls the docks.
They don't have any supplies, and the Void Sea is a dangerous, mysterious place that few venture.
This mission may be the last our crew undertake.
I feel like there's a bias here.
What?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you see, there's a lot of reasons there why we shouldn't do it.
Perhaps we should think about it more?
One really good thing to one person of our group, if we do.
Tawny?
Two really good things for two people.
For what?
The ship?
Yeah.
Tell you what, you can open up your restaurant.
You mean that rafting stick?
You can open up your own restaurant on it.
We'll franchise the heck out.
On the boat?
Yeah.
Why not?
It sounds like it could be a good idea.
Who's going to eat there?
Me and Dee Dee?
Hey, hey, when me and Bridget went out of town, there was a steamboat.
They did a dinner up and down the river in the Mississippi.
It was weird, though, because this mouse was the one directing it, the steamboat, and he was just whistling the whole time.
Ah.
Steamboat Willie.
That's what they call him.
Not even close.
Steamboat Willie.
All right.
So.
I think the point of course is in here.
Drugs are bad.
Let me, I think I sent this earlier in the week, but you saw the wanted posters that have been hanging out.
Baz's crew has been handing these out.
You're armed and dangerous and wanted.
It feels nice to be wanted.
That's what I said.
Tiger was all mad about it.
Well, you were mad it wasn't a very high price.
Yeah, $1,000.
I didn't know they had dollars.
A thousand coin?
A thousand coin.
Oh, that's a lot, boys.
That's actually pretty decent.
Is that per person?
Andy literally just bought a restaurant for six coin and they're offering a thousand coins.
We could buy, I don't like a thousand restaurants.
He could start his own franchise.
On a boat.
I think we just screw this game, guys.
We're going to turn ourselves in for the award?
I'm not really sure I'm following you.
I'm turning you two in.
Wow.
After I just offered to help you open up a restaurant on the Kahuna wave.
We could have sold Kahuna burgers there.
With like three guests.
It's a startup business.
It's not going to go very, very well.
I mean, it only has to go upriver and out to the sea and then back again to the dock.
And cook food.
Yeah.
I'm just making an offer.
And serve food.
All right.
I'm trying to make it a little more enticing for a worth your while.
I don't really care.
I'm going after my ship.
You're right.
I would have expected nothing less.
And I'm taking chuckles with me.
What?
No.
And I just grab you by your scruff.
I'm like, no, you're coming with me.
Why do you always do that?
Come on, cabin boy.
I'm taking Tawny, too.
The intern.
That's fine.
He probably wouldn't want to stay with me anyway.
Come on, squish.
I don't know.
$2,000 sounds pretty good.
It is, again, $1,000 for all of you.
So it'd just be $333,000.
Which is still an ample sum.
How would they not take you in by you turning us in?
How does that work?
It seems like maybe you didn't think this through.
We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
We already broke out once.
Where are we sailing to?
Let's see.
The map.
The map says it right here.
Because there's a map.
This map is just a bunch of...
All right.
Well, Captain, you're the one who made the map.
Oh, Kahunaway.
You're probably right.
It's your...
Is it buried?
It's by the X.
So we have to cross the void sea.
I say we check out this island that says avoid at all costs, though.
I'm sure that sounds good.
What?
Yeah.
We should check this out.
I'm sure there's something good there.
So wait.
All right.
So it's...
You wrote the map?
I had a cartographer.
Last Surah seems like a pretty fun place.
No.
It all seems terrible.
Why don't we stay on that onion-shaped rock?
The one we are already at.
Duskful.
Look at it.
Looks like a beautiful little onion.
No.
We got to get out of here.
We got to lay low for a while while we build up our franchise and hopefully get away from the law.
And Baz.
We just need to get out of town for a little bit.
Until it all blows over.
Yeah.
Until it all blows over.
We'll go have a beer on the boat.
Come on.
I'll buy you a shoe.
There's a...
You can have all the onions you want.
I have a cargo hold.
We can put onions in there.
But we still need to get to the docks.
And they're swarming with unfriendlies, I'll say.
All right.
Yeah, but...
So we're taking the garbage to the Kahuna Way.
Yeah, that's the plan.
We're going to sail the Void Sea.
Yeah.
In a garbage.
That's got to be good.
We might need supplies.
I don't know what kind of supplies.
But...
And I say...
Like a ship?
No, no.
I'm pretty sure the garbage is going to work.
You think Captain Pam will help us out?
What was her name?
Didn't we blow her nuts up?
No.
Dawn?
Yeah, Dawn.
Yeah, she'll help us out, right?
I'm not sure we did anything for her other than blow up her ship.
And for some reason, she was grateful.
No.
Well, because of you guys, she took up a new career in scavenging and managed to find quite
her own treasure.
And then you guys blew up the Ministry of Preservation.
So, I mean...
So what do you guys want?
What do you guys think we should do?
Because I think the Garbarge is sea ready.
But if you guys are a little uncertain, want to get some more supplies for this?
So we have to sail the Garbarge through the docks to get to the void sea.
Yes, you cannot get to the sea from any other way but through the docks.
Because obviously there's...
I say we'll light something on fire and sail into the distance.
We are pretty good at blowing things up.
Do you think we can light the Dawn's Hammer 2 on fire?
I'm not really sure what that gets us.
Distraction?
A distraction.
Distraction?
I mean, I don't...
Maybe we should just pull up any other ship.
I mean, she's been pretty good.
I mean, pull up the ship.
Let's pull up the ship next to it.
It worked out for her one time.
Why wouldn't it work for the second?
That is really good logic.
Squish, sometimes you get a really good idea.
Thanks.
It's all the onions.
You hear that?
Onions!
That's not my name.
Quit calling me that.
Tinker Onion chuckles.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, what do you guys want to do?
Let's game plan.
Because I think we take the boat.
Get through...
You know, let's blow up a boat or two.
Drift out to sea.
And see where it takes us.
I mean, do you guys...
Unless you guys want to get something in town before we leave, but...
I would like to scout out the...
The...
The docks.
To see what I can see there.
Give us a better plan.
Can't hear you again, Bridget.
Can any...
One second.
Oh, now I can hear you.
Sorry.
Give me one second.
My headphones just died.
Oh.
Well, while the game master's away...
Let's blow her up.
Look at you.
Oh, God.
Everyone, roll.
The highest you can do it.
There's Tinker at it again.
Oh, that was...
That was funny.
Oh, man.
Partial.
Why am I the only one rolling?
We agreed.
We had a pact.
A roll pact.
I don't know how to roll.
There it is.
Oh.
Failure.
I'm not paroling for my imminent destruction.
Oh, God.
Critical success.
Wow.
Yeah, I kicked her out.
Oh, my God.
Oh, I didn't even know you could do this.
Roll types.
Indulge vice.
Yeah, let's do that.
Tendai.
What did you say?
I think you said something.
Oh, my God.
You still failed.
Holy shit.
You overindulged.
No.
Your character vanishes for a few weeks.
That sounds good, actually.
Yeah.
You guys take it from here.
You can play Didi.
No.
I just refuse.
Tony.
Final offer.
No.
I'm just going to watch.
Can you guys hear me?
Yeah.
Yes.
Okay.
I cannot see you, but we can hear you.
That's fine.
You don't need to see anything.
Does that mean she's naked?
No.
It just means I'm frustrated and I'm very angry.
I can hear it in your voice.
It's there.
If it makes you feel any better, Tiger, or Junkle's overindulged.
Yeah.
I saw.
I can see the dice.
And now he's lost.
Sorry.
It's all going through my tablet right now.
So I'm just trying to get everything back the way it was before everything went horribly, horribly wrong.
What happened?
Did your phone die?
My headphones died.
Yeah.
So I plugged them in, but now everything's going through the tablet.
Do you want to give me a handout here?
Don't worry about me.
I'll just keep rolling.
Like it's connected.
I just don't know how to connect it to Discord.
I'm trying to change it in Discord.
Is that the video you're talking about?
No, like the audio.
Go back here.
Go to settings, right?
Right.
Yeah.
So.
Yeah.
I feel so dull.
That was so nice.
Yeah.
I feel so dull.
Yeah.
It's all.
Yeah.
It's all.
All right.
Yeah.
Okay, that was good.
Yeah.
Let me just.
Sorry.
It looks different on the.
On our tablet.
I'm not sure what the problem is.
I can't.
Sorry, it looks different on the, um, on her tablet.
I'm not sure what the problem is.
I can't...
What are you trying to do?
Her video.
She can't get the video to work through Discord on her tablet.
And it looks different on my side than it does on, like, you know?
Like, when I look at it through the Discord on the Windows, it looks different on the Android for some reason.
It doesn't look the same, so I...
Well, shouldn't it look the same as your phone?
I don't use the phone Discord very often.
Oh.
I mean, I do it for, like, the text messaging and all that, but not for video or nothing like that.
I use it on my computer.
I guess I haven't in a while either.
Sorry about that.
Oh, shit.
She's back.
Yeah, I know.
First off, I can see the rolls, and...
What were you rolling?
Nothing.
Fortune.
All of a sudden, the ship just lands on our lap.
That would be bad.
I mean, you know, it just lands outside our front door is what I meant.
Oh, a figurative lap.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, metaphorically.
So, to...
Yeah, so you can go ahead and scout the docks.
Go ahead and roll for that.
Just to see how well you do.
Because you have scout, right?
Yeah.
He's a hunter.
Study.
Yeah.
Who, me or him?
Squish.
He's taking one long drag on that pipe.
Look at him go.
Wow, he's not stopping.
It's gonna be a world record.
And he's out.
This is going great.
We're having such a good time.
No technical difficulties.
Oh, there he is.
There he is.
What happened?
I'm back.
What did you do?
How did you fix it?
I sat here patiently.
Oh, you're good at that.
Except for the patient part.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Yeah, so I just said go ahead and...
You can scout however you'd like.
If you'd like to use study or survey.
I'm gonna use...
What am I better at?
Survey.
Because then I think...
I have scout.
So it's when you gather info to locate a target.
You get plus one effect.
When you hide in a prepared position or camouflage,
you get one D to rolls...
To avoid detection.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I would assume that you would roll...
You'd roll survey to kind of scope out the place
without being seen.
And then you'd get plus one on your roll.
You can roll an extra.
Okay.
That...
That was not good.
That was a four.
So you are able to...
You go to the docks
and...
Where do you hide out?
I would like to do it in like a building across the street,
like on the roof
to kind of like look around and...
Oh, no vision.
Yeah.
No vision.
Can I change it?
No.
No, you're not.
I got it open.
No, I'm assistant...
No, but I'm assistant GM now.
But...
Or no, I'm a trusted player.
Assistant to the GM.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
You can see from the docks
you're in these kind of buildings across the street.
You look over
and you can see that there's just a large amount of men
kind of patrolling the streets.
They're handing out these...
These pamphlets to everyone.
Baz is there as well,
walking around,
making himself seen.
He's not...
He's not like looking for you,
but he's making it very clear that he's the boss here.
You can kind of see him like walking and talking to people,
doing some political grandstanding
and all that.
Shaking hands.
But you really can't,
from that angle,
do anything to him.
You can't, like,
assassinate him or anything.
You're too far away.
I have a pretty good rifle now.
You do.
But to do so in broad daylight,
everyone would definitely see you
and know exactly who did it.
So, if you're trying to be stealthy,
it wouldn't work.
But I get plus one D to detection.
That is true.
Are you going to try and assassinate him?
Is that what you're hinting at?
I kind of want to.
Yeah.
Oh.
Well, you have a walkie-talkie,
so I don't know if you want to like...
Juggles.
What the hell is that?
Juggles.
Is that your pants, boy?
My pants are talking again.
This is your conscience.
Answer your pants.
Juggles.
Hello.
Hey.
Who is this?
It's Tarquish.
Who the hell is Tarquish?
Squish.
Oh, I know you.
Yeah.
Hey.
How can I help you?
Got a question.
Uh-huh.
Should I try to shoot Baz?
No.
Why?
No.
Well, I mean,
is that your only option?
I mean, you go to kill pretty quickly a lot.
Yeah, but he's like our main bad guy here.
I know,
but I'm not sure that would endear us to all of his men
to assassinate him.
And so...
What's he saying?
He's saying he wants to kill Baz.
Yeah, but no one might...
Maybe no one will know it was us.
He's saying there's no way it could possibly go wrong.
Exactly.
That doesn't sound like a good idea at all.
And I'm pretty drunk.
I think I'm going to do it.
Then why are you asking me?
Just so you know to get ready
if it all goes horribly, horribly wrong.
Where else am I going to go?
Oh, shit.
All right, then.
Ready the sails.
We're going to...
Ready...
Tony!
The sails.
I start getting ready to kick off.
If he's going to start bringing hell down on us,
we're taking off.
Get the stick ready.
But where are we going to go?
All roads lead to Baz.
We're going to sneak by him.
That's going to be...
Yeah, during the confusion.
The confusion!
Squish will have to catch up with us later.
Or run really fast.
Maybe jump on...
I don't know.
Let's go.
You're right.
Screw Squish.
Right.
That guy sucked.
Wait.
Don't listen to him, Squish.
He's just being sassy.
So I shouldn't do it?
I don't think it's a good idea.
I think it's a great idea.
Then why did you ask?
You're right.
Okay.
I'm going to shoot him.
Okay.
So you're going to be in a...
Let's see.
I don't want to say desperate, but a...
What's the best one?
Risky?
I don't know how they do that.
I mean...
I think risky is just basically the...
That's the standard, yeah.
So I think desperate.
Yeah.
So you're going to do a desperate roll.
Now you do have a rifle, so that'll give you a plus one.
And you do...
You'll remain undetected unless someone starts looking for you.
All right.
So...
And then I'm going to push myself too.
Okay.
So it's one stress, right?
For pushing?
Yeah.
One stress.
And then, yeah, you'll get an extra plus one.
All right.
So you hit...
You do manage to get a bullet into Baz.
He goes down onto one knee.
He is going to take...
I don't know if you guys can see his health bar over here.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, obviously, Baz isn't going to go down with a simple one shot to the knee.
But he is incredibly weakened.
The four guards that he have immediately kind of turn towards Baz as he screams out and goes
down on one knee.
And they start frantically looking for you, Squish, for wherever the shot rang out.
You're across the street.
You're across the street, so they can't see you.
But they are starting to call everybody to attention.
Shouts are going out.
People are starting to fan out from the warehouse that Baz has there.
And they're starting to flood the streets.
Okay.
I am going to climb down the roof and I'm going to prowl to go back to the garbarge.
I am taking off.
I mean, we can't leave the garbarge.
No, we're taking off.
We're leaving.
We got to get out of here before those people rain down hell on us.
He just took a shot at the...
At the...
At the Baz.
Did we hear it go off?
Now where you're at, I mean, unless he saw the walkie-talkie on, you guys are in the sewers.
But to get out to open sea, you do have to go through the docks.
Okay.
So now we're heading towards the docks.
Yes.
So Squish is running back towards you guys.
You guys are coming out towards the docks.
Presumably, you cross paths.
I'm going to jump out of the garbarge.
He goes, guys.
I think I fucked up.
Did you miss?
Well, at least you didn't shoot badge.
No, I definitely shot Baz.
You shot Baz?
Yeah.
I told you not to.
That's an incredible shot.
Is that who I was talking to?
Yes.
It was me.
Oh.
You asked me if it was a good idea, and I said, no, it's not a good idea.
And you said, I'm going to do it anyway.
Also, you smell.
My feelings were hers.
Oh.
We better get out of here.
I wasn't here, boys.
We better get out of here.
Yeah.
I mean, all these roads go right back towards him.
Well, we're going to light some things on fire.
What do you want to do?
Take a nap.
The sewer that you're in, you can start seeing the light on the other side of the open air.
And it's kind of like you guys are coming up and towards it.
And you know when you come out of this tunnel, you are going to be smack dab in the middle of the docks.
Everyone, get back and hide in the old fort.
We'll just try to blend in.
Real casual-like.
I don't think we're going to...
Can we throw the carpet on the outside?
Maybe it'll be a disguise?
Yeah.
They'll just think it's a piece of carpet floating down the sewers.
Yeah.
It's just a normal garbage marge.
It's a sail.
And a long stick in the middle.
Where is the...
What boat did we want to blow up?
Bondshammer 2.
Is that plan still in action?
Juckles, what do you think?
I'll blow up anything.
You want me to blow up this boat?
No.
Well, no.
Not yet.
Maybe one day.
Right now, we have the makings of a beginning.
Once we get my ship back, we'll have a fleet.
The makings of a fleet.
You mean a flotilla.
A what?
Flotilla.
It's Spanish.
Oh, you mean a flotilla?
Ah, yes.
Is that related to a tortilla?
I don't know.
They make those with quesadillas.
And tacos.
With chalapenos.
Don't know.
An encalada.
All right.
Well, what's the plan?
I don't know.
But, I mean, we're already in the middle of it.
Yeah, the light is slowly coming towards you.
Captain, where do you keep all your booze?
No, Captain.
Not cabin boy.
It's in his leg, sir.
Oh, he's got some...
He's got a bigger stash here.
I know he does.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Why don't you use your boom boom soft?
Did you make another batch of that?
I used it...
To make the gun?
No.
No, I think it was at the restaurant.
I used it all.
Oh.
All right.
Well...
We're screwed.
You can have this half of a bottle.
That's not going to make a very good Molotov cocktail.
That's all I've got.
I don't believe that.
Detectives.
Where's my Flamio Hartman?
I'll just give you him.
Why are we talking about...
Did you ever do the...
The ritual to get him back?
I can do the dance.
That's on command.
Yeah, that's a...
Not the other...
Not the other guy.
Hotman is on demand.
He's just a flamer.
You're thinking of Kaboom.
That we don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, we don't know the ritual for that.
No.
So it's the fusion dance to get me.
I can use the fusion dance.
It died.
It died when we threw that woman into the sewer.
That fancy lady.
I don't think she's going to help us, Carl.
All right.
I say we sneak up around the ships.
I summon the demon.
Start lighting some fires.
And then we make a quick clean goodaway.
I think it's pretty cut and dry.
I don't know what's going on here.
Just start lighting fires.
How close is Baz's warehouse?
So his warehouse is on the docks.
Here, let me...
That's different than the...
What was it?
The Oath Keepers?
Preservation society?
Yeah.
Preservation.
So there are multiple warehouses on the docks.
His is one of them.
Do we know which one it is?
Yes.
You've been there several times.
Oh, is that where his office is?
Yeah.
Oh.
Running random errands for him.
Getting his bread.
His bread.
Does he, boys?
I want you to go down to the warehouse.
There's going to be...
There's going to be a loaf there.
Grab the loaf.
Bring it to old Baz.
That's exactly how I remember it.
What if we set fire to his warehouse?
He's the Jimmy Hall of characters.
I don't care.
Okay.
I don't care anymore.
I just want to light some fires at this point.
All right?
Well, yeah.
Light fire to his warehouse.
Yar.
We're lighting this place.
We're going to turn this place on fire.
I think we should just...
Let's just burn just a little bit.
The Dawn's hand.
No, no.
I want to...
I'm burning...
No, no.
That's it.
I'm burning the old docks.
All right?
I don't care.
All right?
We're just going to burn the old docks.
I mean, that's why...
It's the perfect crime.
You know?
No one will ever know it was us.
Because we burned away all the evidence.
I think everyone's going to know it was us.
Not if...
Not if we get the fuck out of here while everyone's looking at the fire.
All right.
Let's just set some shit on fire, then.
All right, Captain.
What are you going to do?
I start doing...
You guys are...
They are starting to appear out of the tunnel.
And while the crew hasn't seen you yet, you do hear them shouting, looking for you.
All right.
As we float up to, like, the first set of docks or whatever we're seeing, I start doing my fusion dance.
You know?
And, yeah.
It's very, very epic.
And I do it.
And with my fingers, go, ha!
And, uh...
Everything was good.
And then I called it good.
Okay.
So you, uh...
You pull out, uh...
Your, uh...
Your fire demon.
Uh...
He appears above...
Before you, just a flame.
Just a...
Just a human being made out of just flame.
And, uh...
He's looking around, and flame is kind of just starting to, like, fall off of him.
And he's like...
What'd you bring me on the water for?
Light those docks on fire.
Are you commanding him?
Yes.
You gotta command him.
In a very stern voice.
You're appealing to his sense of fire.
Do I do any, uh...
Modifiers?
Just regular?
Yeah.
I mean, he's your...
He's your guy, so I guess it would be control...
Uh...
A controlled situation, since you've tamed this demon.
All right, so...
Seems desperate to me.
And then that's it?
Uh...
Yeah.
Partial success.
Did you point him in a particular direction of which one you wanted him to burn?
Yeah, like...
Just that whole area.
So...
No.
So, uh...
He kind of goes over and he starts, like...
He's, like, just...
Kind of, like, walks a little bit and then he turns around and he's like...
So, anything?
Yeah, go ahead.
Have fun.
Go wild.
Here, do you want this bottle...
Have a bottle of whiskey?
Will that help you make it go?
Uh...
He starts, uh...
Kind of, like, shooting fireballs at some of the nearby, uh... objects.
And it seems to just be completely random, so...
I just remember...
He's...
He's walking doing the finger guns?
Bah.
Uh...
He starts setting, um...
You know, just buildings on fire.
Barrels.
People start screaming as smoke starts rising.
Um...
And it's working.
Everyone's attention is being drawn to this.
Uh...
Fire demon literally walking the streets, setting things on fire.
But, unfortunately, Baz's crew has also noticed you guys standing there also watching this demon set things ablaze.
Go, Captain.
Raise anchor!
Go!
Why was the anchor down?
How have we been dragging that?
The entire time.
We would have been out of here by now.
All right.
Let me...
Also, let me turn off the emergency brake.
I'm beginning...
I'm beginning to think you're not actually a captain.
I am a captain.
I am just out of practice.
Of boats.
I am...
I am out of...
I got...
I...
This is a barge.
It's a little different.
And, uh...
We gotta get out to my ship.
And then everything will be good.
Let's go.
We're gonna...
I think we're gonna get to the Kaluna wave.
It's just gonna be one of those artificial wave makers that people surf on.
And then we're gonna crash it repeatedly until we die.
Right next to a bar.
Why are we having this conversation?
They're after us!
Run!
Yeah, and as you guys are rushing around...
Run!
Rushing around the deck, pulling up the acre, putting down the emergency brake, uh, four of
Baz's men and Baz himself have gotten into two sets of canoes and, uh, are starting to chase
after you.
Not canoes.
Rowboats.
Bigger rowboats.
But, yeah, they are, uh...
They are on pursuit.
You are not going quickly.
You are a barge.
All right.
Also, they have oars.
That's not good, boys.
They can use our oars as well.
Wait.
Please, please, Captain, tell me, when you were at Long John Silver's, did you buy some oars?
Or did you buy only a stick and a round piece of wood?
Wait.
Are we going downriver?
Um, we're in the sewers.
It's not really a river.
Can I find a stick?
Is there, like, a long stick in the garbage?
You just bought one.
You bought a long stick.
It was the only thing you bought.
That long stick is what I need.
That's attached to the steering mechanism.
Don't we have sails now?
What?
Don't we have sails?
Yeah.
Raise the sails!
Thank you, Squish!
Oh, no!
I feel like I'm running around like, ho, ho!
He also bought sails.
Oh.
They were on sale.
I thought the stick was on sale.
It was all on sale.
It was a double bargain Tuesday.
It was a, everything must go.
We're going out of business.
And also, we were never in business.
Also, we only sell food?
Okay.
Have you guys raised the sails yet?
I don't know how.
And I don't work here?
I start pulling on ropes just trying to raise these goddamn sails.
And they're just like my blinds.
They don't work that well at all.
And like, they're kind of going up, they're going up wrong with the ones like on the clock.
Yeah, exactly.
Also, we're, are we in the sewers?
No, you're out in the docks now.
Oh, okay.
All right.
So, yeah, I'll help you put up the sails.
I've.
I'm pretty sure they're curtains.
Well, everything of ours is actually something else.
That is very wise, Chuckles.
You're, you're going to make a very fine captain one day yourself, my boy.
I don't want that for me.
But you're so excited.
I can't turn away.
I'm a metaphorical captain, of course.
Yar.
All right.
I help you do the.
Fix the sails as you're putting them up, because I can just tell that they are all cattywampus.
Wait, Squish, you have a gun.
Start shooting.
The sails?
No.
The canoes.
No.
I guess I could.
All right.
I'm going to take a.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to take a shot at one from the rowers.
You forgot you had a gun, didn't you?
No.
Before you, uh, you take a shot.
Uh, I want to do a quick fortune roll to see if, uh, there's a win today, if your sails are going to catch anything.
That's, that's fair.
Uh, somehow I've lost my die.
So I don't know if anyone else can like.
There's, there's what, the button?
Yeah.
Like this players tab.
It's really dumb, but it's like covering up like half the screen.
Uh, on the left side?
Yeah.
Oh.
Um, yeah.
I can, I can roll it, but I, don't I have my own fortune?
Yeah.
If you guys have a fortune roll, either one of you, it's just going to be a, a fortune roll.
Um, yeah.
Wait, where am I?
I'm not even in this.
Oh, there I am.
I just had to add you.
It was me this whole time.
All right.
Fortune roll types.
Uh, number of dice.
Uh, since two of you are working on it, you can do two.
Two dice.
Working on wind?
Working on getting the sails up.
Hooray.
You've got good wind.
Uh, so, uh, the wind picks as you guys, uh, pull open the sails, you feel a breeze kind
of catch and you start going a little bit faster.
Uh, but Baz's men are still ganging up, are still following you.
So go ahead and start, start shooting.
I'm going to shoot one of the rowers in Baz's boat.
Okay, go ahead.
Thank you for not shooting us.
Also, we can't row because we don't have any oars.
Start paddling with your hands.
I only got two in hunt.
Thought I had more in hunt.
Well, boys, that went badly.
Uh, you miss and, uh, you completely, like, miss entirely.
Uh, and you kind of, like, stumble backwards on the boat.
And that causes the boat to kind of, because it is a barge.
You can't make very fast movements.
It kind of, like, bloop, bloop.
I forgot to use my plus one for the rifle.
And you dropped your gun into the river.
On your first cast.
Oh, rough.
Can I roll one more for the rifle?
Can I just roll one dice for the rifle?
Yeah, go ahead.
Plus one, since you forgot your plus one for your good rifle.
Oh, not for sure.
Also, don't you have a sharpshooter skill?
Oh, I did.
Yeah, what is the sharpshooter skill?
You push yourself to do one of the following.
Make a extreme.
Yeah, well, I'll keep that in mind next time.
So, we still, uh, results.
Yeah, and, yeah, so the boat's become a little bit more unsteady now.
And I am going to say you're going to take level one harm.
Um, you're going to get a little bit of recoil from the gun.
Kind of give you a little bit of a bruised elbow.
Oh, I am tough as nails, though.
That is true, so, uh.
What does that mean?
I don't get a level.
That's true.
You get a level two harm?
If I get a level two, it goes down to level one.
Yeah.
Uh, all right, Captain Chuckles, you just saw him fail, uh, terribly.
What would you like to do?
Yell at him.
Okay.
I'm, like, still grabbing the, uh, the steering wheel, like, inside the, inside the, uh, the fort.
Did he get him?
No.
No, he missed.
Oh, no!
He's also made the barge.
The target was the water, right?
No.
Start throwing garbage at him.
That's it.
Perfect.
Start throwing the garbage into the, that'll block them.
This is brilliant.
Just start shoveling it into the, let's start polluting.
If we throw the garbage at him, we'll just be a barge.
What?
Yes.
You can throw our garbage later.
We, yes.
What are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, are you a four again?
Well, I'm just saying, the garbage will be just a barge if we throw all the garbage.
The garbage was always metaphorical.
The ship was always garbage, my lad.
That's what you have to realize.
Chuck it all off!
Can we start telling Tawny to get like, yeah.
Yeah.
I'd rather just start throwing garbage off the boat to lighten the load.
That's what he's been doing.
He's been just running around like trying to help out, but not, we've been arguing the entire
time.
Why don't we just throw Tawny at him?
Can you swim?
Can Tawny swim?
No, I definitely cannot.
No, he's an intern.
Well, no better, no better day to learn than today.
Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.
I kick him into the water.
No!
Tawny!
I like it.
What a true problem.
You better make him roll for that.
Yeah, if you're going to kick him in the water, I need to see some power here.
No, no, it was a playful kick, and he didn't move.
Yeah, because he's built like a brick house.
So, as you guys argue about whether or not you're going to start throwing garbage over
the board, one of the ships, or one of the boats, the one with not Baz in it, gets close
enough that they can start trying to board.
Like, they're side by side with you at this point.
All right, I do grab Dee Dee, and I say, throw him into the boat, as if he were a feral cat.
She.
You are just taking what I did to you and flicking it on that poor ape.
Yeah, sometimes the worst abusers are the abused.
Oh my God.
So, Tawny picks up Dee Dee, is this what I'm understanding you want him to do, and throws him into the
boat, throws her into the boat?
Yeah, yeah.
Go get him.
Okay.
They have cigarettes, I'm assuming.
Dee, I choose you.
Go.
Yeah, exactly.
Go, go.
Dee Dee.
Sorry, I'm trying to get rid of this player's tab so I can actually roll dice.
It's so frustrating.
There should be, like, a little arrow.
Are you talking about the tabs, like, where the chat is?
Yeah.
Yeah, it only goes up.
The last icon is a little arrow.
It collapses it.
Yeah, it's not.
Oh, it doesn't help.
I know which one you're talking about.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on.
It's okay.
Here, roll.
Don't you have to just type in the chat?
What is it, Dee?
Slash R.
And then, like, 1D or 2D or 10D.
So, slash R.
Yeah, and then...
And then how many?
Since this is you, Chuckles, telling him to throw Dee Dee in there, I'm going to use...
Let's see.
I'm going to use your rec for this.
Okay.
You have three rec?
Okay.
Yeah, I guess.
Slash.
I have three rec.
Right.
So, it's slash...
Is it just slash R3?
So, you would do slash R space 3D.
Six.
3D six.
I don't know what...
Yeah.
That's excellent work.
I did.
Yeah.
That is a critical success.
The man is decapitated by Munger.
Chuckles, you just scream at Dee Dee, get him!
And Dee Dee immediately just starts attacking the thugs on the ship.
She starts just, like, wailing on him with her giant...
Wailing on his nuts.
Wailing on him with her giant ape arms.
And you don't hear everything.
You just hear them screaming.
And then at one point, you hear the screaming stop.
And Dee Dee eventually kind of just hops back onto the ship.
No issue.
And you just see the...
Grab the oars.
The rowboat with the two bodies slowly drifting away from you.
Is she smoking a cigarette?
Tell him to bring back the oars.
Yeah.
She pulls out a cigarette from her sleeve and sticks it in there.
God damn it.
Wow, that monkey is so cool.
So cool.
Good job, Dee Dee.
Great job.
See, intern, that's what you could be one day.
She's an ape!
And what are you?
Look what she did.
I'm not pretty naturally strong.
Not with that attitude.
I don't know.
I feel like you're built like a brick shithouse, as they keep telling me.
Grab those oars.
Now get those oars, intern.
And a coffee.
Tawny grabs the oars as the boat with the bodies kind of flails away.
Now, Baz and his two men on this ship have absolutely seen this.
And they are shocked and astounded.
But they are continuing their pursuit of you.
How little do they know that monkeys require no ammunition.
All right.
So now we have the oars.
So maybe...
Start stroking.
I'll start stroking.
Tawny, start paddling too.
Tawny starts paddling on one side.
Chuckles, you start paddling on the other.
However, since he is quite a bit bigger than you, you guys are kind of going in a strange circle.
Oh, I see.
Freaking out their whole family.
All right.
Well, I'm not going to get started on this.
Okay.
He takes the oar from you.
Okay.
So you're just going to do both oaring.
You only need the oar on one side.
Is that true?
No.
You see him like paddling in the water.
And then he runs to the other side and paddles.
Then he runs to the other side and paddles as he's trying to keep this straight.
Tawny has no seafaring experience whatsoever.
Yeah, it's clear.
But also neither do I.
And also neither does the captain.
Nobody here does.
Yeah, we're kind of making this up as we go.
Behind you, the city has now gone into a light.
From what you can see, you're just seeing...
Your fire demon has continued to set things ablaze.
As you commanded him.
And he is just continuing to set the docks on fire.
The whole city is becoming inflamed.
I mean, we blew up the docks on our way out.
I mean, that's pretty appropriate for the...
The garbarge gang.
Right.
And the rest of the city.
The fire brigade.
You are hearing sirens in the distance.
Yeah, but there's no cops on the water.
This is international waters.
Yeah, he's right.
I meant more for the fire brigade.
Oh, right.
Yeah, well, where we're going, we won't care anymore.
There are no fires.
Once you guys...
Go ahead.
No, I think we're just...
So, we're leaving the docks at this point.
Yes.
So, the docks are behind you.
You are slowly drifting away from them and entering open sea.
Oh, dear.
Definitely want to shoot at Baz again.
All right.
Give it a go.
All right.
Maybe we should use our words.
Does anybody want to help?
Plus one for your rifle.
How am I going to help you shoot?
You can push yourself for a sharpshooter.
All right.
I'm going to do that.
Shoot better, I yell.
Oh, boy.
Your next shot hits Baz right between the eyes.
He falls back into the boat.
One of the other men just, like, looks at him in shock, just like, what the fuck?
The other guard is, like, or the other bodyguard there is, like, paddling to keep up with you.
But at this point, they're just both like, what the fuck?
You killed him.
I got him, boys.
We can go back now.
I think we're, I think by rules, we're in charge of his empire now.
Now we're Baz?
Now we're Baz.
I'm going to the ship.
We'll come back and rule this town.
Maybe.
With the ship?
You hear that?
This is my town now.
Did it work?
The town?
Yeah.
Me yelling that?
No, it's still very much on fire.
Many people saw you do that.
And that breeze that you guys picked up earlier is doing a great job.
And you are slowly going to open sea.
And I can't imagine that wind is doing very good on the fire.
No, it's really been bad for that.
Oh.
All right.
And as you slowly, slowly pull away, Duskfall slowly just becomes a image of red and flame and ash.
This is, I've never been this far offshore.
It is terrifying.
Oh, this is the open sea.
Right there.
To the east.
I mean, east.
Weast.
I thought you were saying weast.
Do you want to take a quick break before you guys continue?
Yes.
Okay.
Thank you.
I'm back.
And now he's back.
From outer space.
And now he's back.
From outer space.
Thank you.
So, uh, after you, uh, all celebrate and you feel so good about yourself having left
Baz in a bloody ship and the docks alight, you slowly realize as you make your way into
open sea that, uh, you're not maybe the most prepared for this.
No, we have zero food and water, guys.
We have zero food and water.
We have a stick for navigation.
Our sails are made of stitched up shades, um, or curtains.
Uh, and I have no sea experience.
Squish has no sea experience and the captain has forgotten all his sea experience.
Oh, I'm sure I remember a lot of it.
It's all like riding a bicycle.
It comes back to you.
Besides, onward.
Back to my ship.
Where?
Uh, well, I'll look at the map.
That-a-way.
This is not gonna go well.
Captain, which way is north?
Up.
Okay.
Nailed it.
On the map.
Oh, right there.
I can read a map, guys.
I'm not-I'm not dense.
Well, I can't.
All right, then.
Because you're dense.
Oh.
It's all right.
It makes you very sturdy and heavy to throw at my enemies.
So, this is how your survival on the open shore is gonna go.
Um, where's your-where's your first, uh, destination, guys?
On this map that you have?
We should go to the last hurrah.
Is that just because there's a dotted line towards it?
Yeah, we should probably follow the dotted line.
Yeah, follow the dotted line.
Follow the dotted line.
Then go to, you know, go to the last hurrah.
Okay.
So, uh, I'm gonna quickly show you guys a world map just so you have a little bit of an idea of, uh, where you are.
I just put that in the, uh, the chat.
So, you guys are in Doscovel, which is, uh, in that top right-well, yeah, top right corner of the map.
Y'all see it?
Gotcha.
And you see these little flecks that go off to the side there?
Yeah.
The archipelago?
Yes, the archipelago.
Uh, you-you know from your, uh, map-making experience and using your maps, uh, that these are the islands just outside of Doscovel.
Uh, last hurrah is the last island in the archipelago.
Archipelago?
Looking at pelicans fly.
Uh, from there, uh, across the Foyd Sea is unknown.
Um, so that's where you're gonna head to first, uh, that is the last hurrah?
Uh, yes.
Okay.
That is correct.
Wait, Teacheros?
Wait, that's where Andy's from.
Yes, that is where Squish is from.
Yes.
Further north is Teacheros.
Teacheros.
I don't see Teacheros on this, on the, the big map.
Uh, on the big map, it doesn't show it on here, but if you look at other maps, Teacheros is just to the north of, uh, it's not really on the map.
We don't, so, uh.
We don't talk about Teacheros.
It just has an arrow pointing up to it.
On the one in the book.
Um, okay.
So, yeah, your journey across the ocean, uh, to the last hurrah is gonna take you a couple days.
And since you didn't pack any, um, provisions, um, what this is basically going to be is the survivor game.
Uh, so, uh, as you guys go about your day, you're gonna roll, make decisions.
Uh, you have this, uh, six bar here.
Uh, once it fills up, you guys will, uh, be across, uh, the sea.
And, uh, you will make it to the last hurrah.
For every bad roll you make, uh, you're not gonna progress anymore and you're just gonna have harm given to you.
Uh, and every good roll and every good decision you make, you fill up that little bar with one, one pie wedge.
So you'll each have a shot to fill it up.
Does it make sense?
It's almost as if you expected we were gonna make no preparation despite the multiple warnings.
Yep.
Uh, one thing maybe is to expect the, uh, not very well thought out.
So that's us.
So, so who wants to go first?
The, the, the night has gone, the sun has gone down.
You guys had a good strange sleep on this, uh, boat that's constantly rocking.
And when you wake up the next morning, there is no land to be seen, uh, and you have to go about and plan your day.
So what do you do on your first day at sea?
Uh, hey, tinkerer.
That's me.
Uh, but I also.
I thought you didn't like to be called that.
Yeah, I also don't like to be called that.
Can you, can you tinker us a, uh, a fishing rod?
Uh, well, I, I'd have to make it out of something, of course.
We have two oars.
Okay.
You only need one.
And Tawny goes back to running across the boat.
Good job, Tawny.
Uh, yeah, I guess I'm just trying to think.
Yeah, I guess we do have a rope.
Yeah, all we need is a hook.
Okay.
Uh, yeah, I can, I can try to, I can try to do that.
Okay, so you want to tinker, uh, create a, uh, a fishing hook?
Yeah.
Well, a fishing rod.
Fishing rod.
Okay.
So, so, so, uh, is it, I rolled tinker for making a fishing rod?
Yes, you're going to tinker one together.
So, should we both roll tinker?
Uh, I mean, are you going to assist him?
I'll assist him, yeah.
I don't really eat fish.
If it goes poorly, then, uh, you'll take the damage, squish.
Okay.
Fish is disgusting.
Hey, do you know that thing that you like to eat?
Yeah.
Cat food.
Chicken of the sea?
Well, yes.
That's chicken.
That's, that's fish.
Hmm.
Debatable.
So, uh, you successfully made, uh, made the, uh, fishing rod.
No issue.
You managed to scrounge up enough garbage on the, on the deck to kind of create a very crude,
but effective fishing rod.
Good thing we didn't draw this overboard.
Good.
Yes.
Good thing.
I've made this very crude, but effective fishing pole.
Now, who's going to fish?
Nobody.
Well, I guess I'll just throw this out then.
No, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll fish.
It's perfect timing too.
Okay.
Uh, yeah.
So I think, uh, you know, fishing would be a finesse role, uh, cause it's kind of, uh, requires
some skill.
Isn't there a hunt?
There is a hunt.
Do you count fishing as hunting?
Yeah.
It's a kind of hunting.
It's a type of hunting.
I'll allow it.
Woo.
You are able to catch quite a bounty.
Uh, you start fishing on the edge of the, of the barge and are able to catch a few fish
enough to keep you guys all fed for at least a day.
Evie and Tawny, including captain, what would you like to do?
Um, I'm just trying to make sure the ship's all ship shape, walking around, kind of patrolling.
I'm kind of keeping Tawny on his toes.
Um, I'm patching holes.
I'm finding holes where there's water getting through and I'm just kind of like, kind of
You mean like that giant one at the bottom of the boat?
No.
That's like those, those are like those holes in the submarines, you know, where
Oh, the glass bottom?
No.
Pressurizing?
They're like, it's like open and like submarines coming in and out.
Yeah.
I get that.
I get it.
That's exactly what it is.
Yeah.
So you're surveying, you're surveying the boat, checking for repairs.
Surveying, surveying.
Yeah.
Let's, let's go survey.
Is that okay?
Survey?
Yeah.
Survey.
I'm successful surveying.
You guys are doing surprisingly well.
This isn't fun.
Look at all I'm surveying.
She's got this huge list of bad things that happened.
God damn it.
What am I supposed to do here?
No, I'm kidding.
Okay.
Uh, yeah.
So for a good day and night, you know, you guys are having a good time.
Uh, it seems like maybe this whole, uh, fishing or this whole, uh, sailing, is it too hard?
Uh, the next day you wake up and it's kind of the same.
Uh, it's a little warmer though.
Now you notice.
It's not as cold as it was in Dusk of All.
Um, the sun's out.
Kind of, kind of warm out.
Uh, Tawny has, uh, has ripped his pants into cutoffs.
Uh, cause he thought it'd look cool.
Uh, DD just kind of.
Yeah.
DD's just kind of laying out on the sun, sunbathing.
How are you gonna spend the second day?
That monkey lives the good life.
Uh, I'm playing solitaire.
Except I don't really have cards.
They're just like pieces of napkins where I've drawn inscrutable symbols on.
Are you playing by yourself?
Uh, yes.
People are watching me trying to, uh, play, but, um, it's impossible to understand what I'm doing.
But it's very clear to me.
Okay.
You're the most difficult person with this game sometimes.
I'm playing solitaire.
I just don't, what else am I gonna do?
Oh, no.
Actually, I'm going around surveying the boat now.
You just throw your cards down and start walking around.
Yeah, fine.
I'll survey the boat.
Yeah, okay.
It's my turn to survey the boat.
All right.
Well, you play solitaire then, and I'll survey the boat.
Do you, do you want to roll for a survey?
Yeah.
Or, uh, okay.
I read silently in the corner.
I don't tell you what I'm reading.
Uh, well, you, you don't notice anything wrong.
Uh, but you don't notice, uh, you know, if anything would be wrong.
It all looks different to you.
I don't know anything about this.
We're on a piece of driftwood.
Uh, so you're not going to take any harm or anything.
Uh, but you are a little irritable, definitely, from, uh, having your card game interrupted.
I was minding my own business.
This boat did need to be surveyed again.
I don't like this Navy life.
Next day, Squish has to survey.
Captain, what are you up to?
That is the rules of the sea.
I'm, uh, looking over the map, making sure we're, like, going the right way, you know?
And I'm kind of just keeping up at the helm.
You know?
Okay.
So you're going to study?
Yeah, I'm in the study.
Yeah, let's just call it study.
I don't ever get to use study.
That's awesome.
Terrible.
Yeah!
Boy loves to study.
I only had one type.
That's so good.
Uh, you're studying the, uh, the, the map and looking up at the chart.
And surprisingly, a lot of this is coming back to you.
Like, it, you, everyone else on the ship is kind of shocked how, like, slightly capable
you are at this.
Slightly.
Only slightly.
You're, you're saying things, you're saying things like, oh, two degrees off the porch bow,
and you'll make little adjustments here and there.
And, uh, seems to be smooth sailing so far.
But also you keep saying things like poop deck.
And no one, no one knows enough to know whether you're bullshitting us or yourself.
It's completely out of context.
He's just standing there going, poop deck.
Poop deck.
I always assumed the poop deck was on the stern.
That's a butt joke.
All right.
Sure.
Let's go.
All right.
Continue.
Keep drifting.
See, I do know my naval jokes.
That's all you need to know for the sea is bad jokes.
Great.
Squish, uh, Squish, what are you up to, Tarquish, on this second day of voyage?
I'm going to try to get us fresh water.
Oh, that's a great idea.
Right?
Yeah.
I've been drinking whiskey.
You got whiskey?
I've been playing solitaire.
I mean, no.
I mean.
So, I want to get, like, I want to find a piece of, like, metal, like, uh, the trash can lid
that we have.
And I want to put, like.
Oh, and drink the water out of it.
No, I'm going to put, like, um, um, some wood that we have that I can scrounge up to,
like, start on fire.
Not start on fire, but, like, light of fire underneath.
And I'm going to put, I'm going to fill up an empty, apparently, whiskey bottle full of
ocean water and put it in the middle.
And then try to, like, hold a bowl, but angled.
So, the condensation comes up and runs into the, like, to the side where I can collect
it.
That's very intelligent.
It's really smart.
Uh, yeah.
Let's, uh, see.
Maybe you can tinker that and get it, get it working.
All right.
Would anybody like to help?
No, I did my, I did my help today.
All right.
If this goes badly, the phone starts on fire.
I've just been sucking, I've just been sucking on old oranges.
I'll help him.
Just don't need it.
All right.
Holy shit.
Uh, it works.
Surprisingly, you don't set the boat on fire.
Uh, nothing blows up.
And you guys actually get fresh water, which is really important because it's been two days
without that.
Uh, and you are starting to get a little bit of a dry mouth.
I wasn't even really paying attention.
Not the captain.
Uh, yeah.
So then the sun sets on your second day and you spend the evening telling, well, maybe
telling stories around the, around the open shore or your little fire now, or maybe you're
just making fun of Tawny.
I just keep telling stories about, about fish.
And how you actually, we're actually fishing out of the poop hole.
Yeah.
It's like, it's, oh my God.
It's like that.
It's like ice fishing.
Yeah.
Like ice fishing.
Yeah.
But also don't we shit in there?
I mean, not, not, not on the ocean.
It goes away.
What do you think?
What do you think you're using for bait?
Ooh.
Is it shit?
No.
All right.
Let's change.
No.
So finally on the third day, uh, when you guys wake up, you do see land.
You see these like string of islands, uh, kind of just dotted out into the distance.
Archipedical in the, uh, in the distance.
Uh, you're coming up to, uh, to last hurrah.
Um, but you still have one more, one half day left at sea.
Does anybody want to do anything to complete your, uh, to complete your mission or your complete
your trip?
Um, you still got it.
You're not there yet.
Can I, I would like to bird watch.
Okay.
I do have an ulterior motive for bullet bird washing.
Do you need to know now?
I'd like to see where it plays out.
Okay.
Uh, I would roll perception.
Is that, I guess it would be their study or survey.
Probably doesn't matter.
I would say survey.
Cause you're like looking for the birds, you know, like you're like, like waiting for them
to appear.
Okay.
Well, you see a bird, but it's pretty far away.
Okay.
You're not too satisfied with that.
Just one bird?
Yeah.
Just, just a couple of birds.
We'll say two birds.
What are you doing with these birds?
Uh, I was just looking at them.
Just, just, well, you know how they say birds come from land and we want to go to land.
So I thought maybe the birds would, we can see the land.
I know, but I thought they would have, they would be the secret to the mystery of where
the land is and how to get there.
Hey, just look at me.
It's right there.
Yeah.
You guys can't, you can't read my mind.
You're not here right now.
You don't know what's in my heart.
I was just looking at birds as far as you could tell.
That was the staring blankly into the sky.
Tawny, uh, comes up behind, uh, he looks at him and kind of nudges you captain and he
goes, is he looking into the sun?
I think he's staring right at it.
Coincidence that that's also where the birds were.
He's not looking away.
I haven't seen his eyes blink in 20 minutes.
That's so far away.
I just.
My God.
It's going to burn his retinas out.
You're not my supervisor.
All right.
I'm just writing.
Carry on.
Continue.
The bird watching, not as successful as I hoped.
I only saw two and they were apparently, uh, in front of the sun.
Okay.
Uh, captain squish.
You have anything extra you need to do to get this ship safely into port?
Um, just know I'm going to call it stupid because you guys.
I just start, I just start spinning, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the helm,
trying to make sure I'm aiming it pretty good, you know?
And, uh, yeah, just trying to get, just trying to make sure we get it in there.
All right.
Okay.
So like finesse.
Finesse.
Yes.
Finesse.
That is perfect.
Failure.
We are coming in hot.
Uh, as you, as you come in, start navigating your way into the, uh, into the, the port,
you notice these signs kind of quite a distance from shore.
And they're saying, uh, danger, you know, rough waves or, you know, uh, low bottom or something.
But what you notice is as you're getting like closer and closer to shore, the ship is starting
to like catch on rocks that are in the bottom.
You have shallow, it's very shallow here.
Uh, so the ship is like, well, yeah, but it's still getting scuffed on the sides.
Uh, things are rocking, things are rolling.
Uh, at one point, Tawny kind of like takes a tumble.
Uh, DD takes a little bit of a tumble too.
And captain, I'm going to say too, uh, free, oh man, you're going to take a, you're going
to take two stress as well, because this is very nerve wracking for you and you really want
to make sure you get this right.
This is your first time parking the car.
That's not my first time.
And you were scratching it.
It's my, well, this is a, it's me first time parking a barge in front of my friends.
And strangers and birds.
Yes.
And the sun, apparently.
There was no accounting for the sun.
Uh, uh, uh, squish anything as you're finally rocking into shore.
I'd like to grab the fish and pull or, and look at Tawny and be like, all right, let's try
to paddle our way off of these rocks to get us closer in.
Okay.
Uh, so you, yeah.
So you and, uh, Tawny take up either side of the, uh, of the oars on either side of the
barge and you start kind of pushing off the rocks, uh, to get yourself in there.
Um, yeah, I would say probably the same thing, a finesse roll.
To see how well you handle it.
Does anyone?
Yep.
Jesus.
Another six.
Is it, is the odds better if it's like one or something?
How does that work out?
Uh, you, you, uh, you and Tawny are able to keep the ship aloft, uh, and you pull into,
uh, port.
And a couple of strange things you notice right away with the last hurrah.
First off.
Yeah.
So it's this kind of a typical beachfront, you know, you see lots of warm yellow sand, lots
of these little stalls everywhere, uh, lots of coconuts, lots of palm trees, but literally
everywhere walking around are just demons, half clad demons in bikinis and swimsuits.
Uh, there is, uh, music kind of coming from these restaurants and it's all like, uh, steel
drum music, you know, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, that kind of stuff.
That's my third least favorite instrument.
Really?
Oh.
Oops.
Hold on.
Oh.
My.
God.
I'm never leaving.
Yeah.
What is that?
Welcome.
Welcome to last hurrah.
It's basically a beach resort.
Wouldn't it be first hurrah if it was from Leecheros?
Well, it's last hurrah from Doscaval.
Okay.
Nobody wants to go to the first hurrah, Tiger.
They want to go to the last hurrah.
Why not?
You guys land, you, uh, safely dock the boat and, uh, walk out onto the kind of main island,
uh, main street of the island.
Wow.
This is strange.
This is paradise.
I throw the, I throw the anchor.
It's just a cinder block.
Make sure we're, remember where we parked.
I don't think we're going to lose it.
God willing.
And if the, if we do, who cares?
I still haven't gotten my ship yet.
I know.
You keep yelling.
This place is heavy.
It's fine.
I mean, what's so great about it?
Yeah.
There's a lot of, uh, a lot of weirdos around here.
A lot of sexy women around here.
Oh, I see.
You're horny.
And, uh, yeah.
Yeah.
There's a lot of like beach goers here.
So there's just a lot of, it's basically, uh, where, you know, I guess that teacher has their spring break.
So lots of strangely like they're demons.
So they are strange colors.
Some have horns, some have wings, some have hooves, uh, but they're all humanoid and they're all in their swimwear.
Are there any lions?
Lions?
Well, you said they're a humanoid.
They are humanoid.
They're lying on the beach.
Hey.
So they're humanoid lions.
Lion.
Yeah.
On the beach.
Lion on the beach.
Do-do-do-do.
Lion on the beach.
Do-do-do-do.
All right.
So, what do you guys want to do?
Get a drink?
No, let's, uh, okay, fine.
I'll have a pina colada.
Out of a shoe?
I.
Or a sandal.
I don't think that's how sandals work.
I just order it.
They know what to do.
They're professionals.
You go to one bar, uh, and it's kind of an open-fronted bar so you guys can see out into the water.
Uh, but you take a seat there and, uh, there's a bartender.
Looks like a human.
Looks like anyone else you would have found in Duskful.
And, uh, he kind of gives you a nod when you come in.
Uh, a demon waitress comes in, uh, wearing a t-shirt that says the last hurrah.
And she comes in as, as you guys said, she hands you this huge menu that's like four or
five pages thick, like super, super thick menu and just hands it all to you.
And she goes, is there anything I can help you with today or start you off with?
I'll have, um, pina colada, please.
All right.
Pina colada.
And then, uh, anyone else?
Whiskey.
Oh.
Extra sour.
I slapped the table.
I'll have your finest holy water.
What vintage?
We have, uh, one that's 15 years old.
That's pretty good.
We have a 20 year old.
That's pretty good.
If you want something from this year, are you looking for a light or a dark?
Uh, I'll have a dark 15 year old.
Wouldn't we all?
Oh boy.
Wow.
That's going on the soundboard.
All right.
And she, uh, she goes and she goes to the bar and, uh, starts making your drinks.
All right.
Wow.
This is great.
They didn't even ask us to pay.
Usually comes later.
Not always.
Hey, do you think they'll want to open up a downtrodden toad here?
Oh, I'm sure.
That dump.
That's a pretty, it's becoming a pretty big franchise.
I mean, you saw how big that, uh, that long John Silver's place was.
They're big on franchises lately.
It's, it's the new thing.
I mean, look at this place.
This place definitely looks like some sort of franchise.
Some sort of Margaritaville.
Oh, that's what I should have got.
I should have ordered a Margaritaville.
It would have helped your scurvy too.
I have scurvy?
You are bleeding from the mouth a lot.
I have scurvy?
Yeah.
And you're extra ornery too.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
I got gas.
From what?
You need all that garbage.
From all that solitary you've been playing?
Yes.
And the garbage that I've been eating.
The waitress comes back with your drinks and she sets them in front of you.
You get this pina colada, the whiskey sour, and then like this very small, but like clearly
very nice glass of what is holy water.
It's a little bit darker than usual.
Pretty good.
It's not bad.
Ooh, sour.
Have you had a chance to look over the menu?
No.
What is this place?
Where are we?
This is the last hurrah bar and grill.
I feel like there's some kind of trick here.
Is this like a...
Is this an oasis?
Is this one of those delusions?
No, it's definitely a real place.
I mean, I get paid and I live here.
Prove you're real.
I poker.
And she slaps you across the face.
Holy shit.
Now give me a taste.
Give old daddy captain a slap.
She says it's just, it's the last hurrah, you know, before people go on to Titurus or anywhere
else.
They just, you know, rest here for a little bit, put their feet up, enjoy their stay, however
long that might be.
Could be one day.
Could be two.
Could be forever.
Feels a lot like an episode of Twilight Zone.
I like the forever part.
Forever.
Oh, no.
Did you, you know, take a look at those menus, you know, let me know what you think.
And I'll come back in a bit.
I think we need to get out of here.
I think we should load up on supplies.
I agree with the supplies.
I'm no longer drinking garbage water anymore.
What's wrong with the garbage water?
You said you liked it.
I was drinking it because my whiskey was a little dry.
So you lied to me.
I mean, we've got the ore.
We've taught ourselves to fish.
We don't need any supplies.
Let's get back on the open ocean.
This place is creeping me out.
All right.
Then order a Bloomin' Onion.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Bloomin' Onion is on the menu.
You open it up and under appetizers, there's a Bloomin' Onion.
Under B.
Under B for Bloomin'.
B for Bloomin'.
All right.
Oh, my God.
Okay, fine.
We'll order one for now.
We'll order two to go.
And then we'll get out of here.
Are we going to be eating Bloomin' Onions for two days now?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
This is the best idea I've ever had.
Yep.
It's going to be great for our digestion.
It's a superfood.
The onion.
That's why you got to Bloomin' Onions.
We fully, we've gone to your favorite place on Earth where they have your onion completely.
Do you think they'll give us a discount if we provide our own onion?
It doesn't hurt to ask.
Do you think you can learn how to make Bloomin' Onions?
I mean, this sounds like a combination you two could put together.
I'm not big on teamwork.
I know.
All right.
I'm going to slam my holy water and then go try to find, like, a place to restock this.
Ooh, floozy sounds good.
A place to restock our supply.
Oh, he went out.
Our supply.
What was he going to say?
Our supply.
Our supply of what?
That was really funny.
He just went, like, forever.
Forever.
We're going to be stuck here forever.
The last hurrah forever.
We don't get the fuck out of here.
So, did you find a place to get more Bloomin' Onions?
Not getting Bloomin' Onions.
Why not?
The waitress stopped by and she said, did I hear Bloomin' Onions?
Yeah.
Round of Bloomin' Onions?
Yeah, for the birthday, boy.
One for all of us.
Happy birthday.
Whose birthday is it?
Thank you.
It's my birthday.
It's squishes.
No, it's his birthday.
Well, make sure I bet you there's a free slice of cake in your future.
Nice.
What's it made of?
Uh, cake.
Oh.
Well, I'll eat it anyway.
I'll be right back with those Bloomin' Onions.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
And, uh, she disappears into the kitchen.
Guys, it's not my birthday.
I lied.
Well, you're getting a Bloomin' Onions.
When is your birthday?
It's really, really hard to determine.
I have no idea.
So, it could be.
It could be.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
So, plausible deniability.
Yes.
A few, uh, are you, a few minutes later, she just comes back with, uh, three plates
of the largest Bloomin' Onions you've ever seen.
They're the size of your head.
Oh, my dude.
And, uh, she sticks down one in front of all of you and says, did you, uh, did you want
to order anything else?
Any food or, you know, main meals?
We've got a really good burger today.
A good, a good fish sandwich.
Gotta, gotta love the fish here, right?
Uh, we have a chicken, chicken wrap, chicken parm.
What about supplies?
Supplies?
Yeah, supplies.
I think there's a, a, for, for what?
Can you be more specific?
For us.
Could you just imagine if you just asked your waitress this?
What do you, what do you look like?
Supplies.
We're trying to resupply our boat.
Oh, your boat!
Oh, I guess that makes more sense.
It's a ship, really.
I mean, yeah, there's like, a yacht.
There's, there's little shops all the way up and down here.
Um, there's a really cute one that's a souvenir shop.
Make sure you get your last hurrah shirt.
Yeah, I don't want that.
And she kind of like pulls out her, her shirt.
Ah, well, you know, you never know when you're going to get back.
You never know when you're going to leave either.
So, I mean, it might be worth getting.
Oh, my God.
It's just like the Hotel California.
It seemed ominous.
Are we getting more bloomin' onions?
No!
You want another bloomin' onion?
Yeah!
All right, another bloomin' onion.
Anyone else?
Anyone else want anything else to eat?
All right, fine.
If he's getting another one, I'll get another one.
Two bloomin' onions.
And what about you?
You look like, uh, you look like a bloomin' guy.
No, I'm, I'm good on the, the onions.
All right, two bloomin' onions and one sour fish.
I'll have his.
Three bloomin' onions.
All right.
Guys, we made, this is the best decision we've ever had.
I hope the check never comes.
We're going to definitely dash.
I think we should just stay here forever.
No, we're going to dash.
Okay.
Can I eat first?
May I dine?
All right.
May I dine, please?
Please.
Can I go shopping now for supplies?
Yes.
Yeah, I'll be busy here for a while.
Yeah, I know.
I'll meet you back at the barge.
We're going to get bloomin'.
So while you guys devour your, your bloomin' onions, uh, squish you go back out to the main,
uh, thoroughfare.
And like the waitress said, there are other shops there and they seem like they have, you
know, pretty run-of-the-mill, uh, fish, you know, supplies.
There's like, uh, you know, fishing, you know, supplies.
There's rope.
Uh, there's food.
There's all sorts of different little shops up and down.
There's a little souvenir shop selling trinkets.
Uh, you can.
I would like to get bait, fresh water, holy, preferably, and dried meat.
I don't care what kind.
Preferably cat.
Limes.
Rum.
No, you're not here.
You're not here.
Are you just whispering these things in the, in the walkie-talkie?
Come on.
Rum.
Cash food.
I'd shut it off.
Ooh.
All right.
I'll just keep playing solitary and eating my, my blooming onion.
Oh, I'm pocketing at least one of these blooming onions.
What?
You're not going to finish it?
I mean, I'm eating mine.
I'm also going to, we ordered like three, didn't we?
You ordered six.
Right.
All right.
I'm pocketing three and eating three.
That's six each.
No.
Yeah.
You, come on.
You got to share.
All right.
You take one.
I take one.
And then I pocket the rest.
I just don't want to fight about it.
What, no good?
It's fine.
It doesn't matter.
None of this matters.
You go to the first stall that you see that has just large casks sitting out.
He is selling water for, for trips.
The guy at the counter, he's just a normal looking demon.
He has darker skin, you know, kind of glowing red eyes and a mustache.
And he's just kind of a, you know, normal, normal merchant.
And he goes, ah, teacheros, I see ya.
Yeah, that's me.
Half.
Half?
Well, it doesn't matter.
I mean, good enough, right?
What can I help you with?
I need a barrel of holy water.
All right.
Barrel holy water.
Is this going to your boat or something?
Yeah, it's going to the barge.
All right.
One holy water for barge.
Is that all you need?
What else you got?
Well, I mean, if it's just you, you only need one barrel.
If you got other people, you probably need more.
No, just one.
Great.
All right.
Well.
One.
You know, I've got some rope here.
I've got a couple of fruits and veg.
I mean, it's just, it's mostly the water.
You know, we have holy and regular water for humans.
Do you have any cigarettes?
No.
I don't.
I wouldn't say that I do.
Cigars?
Again, that.
No.
I think there's a show.
Did you say a shoe and tobacco?
Yes.
Shoe tobacco.
I got shoes, but not tobacco.
Can you put tobacco in the shoe?
But you can put it anywhere.
Okay.
All right.
I guess I'll just do the one barrel of holy water.
Just, just the one.
You know, these aren't very big barrels and he kind of like picks them up and like, you know,
they're.
You could easily take two or three of these for anyone else who may or may not be on your
boat that you will need for your battle.
Don't I turn this thing off?
You didn't.
I turned it back on with my tinkering skills.
High level four tinkering skills.
Yeah.
How much are the, the barrels?
Coin and coin each.
One coin?
No.
One.
For holy water?
No.
Yeah.
So can I get two, two barrels of regular water for one coin?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, okay.
Very good.
Four just in case.
Then just one barrel of holy water and two regular water.
All right.
That's, that's a two coin.
Now, you know, you can't store the holy water with the regular water.
It will in fact implode.
Of course I know that.
How far apart do they have to be though?
Well, a good distance, I would say.
I would definitely keep them on opposite ends, ends of the ship.
Oh, okay.
You know, but I mean, it's just you, right?
It's just, there's no.
Yeah.
The regular water is just in case if I run into someone adrift in the ocean.
Oh, isn't that such a pain?
Do you know how many humans we get just like running up on these shores constantly?
I assume a lot.
They're pretty stupid.
Yeah.
And I mean, they taste good and everything, but it's like, to what end?
I mean, how long can you live off a human?
Yeah, not too long.
They're pretty scrawny.
Right?
Especially the ones.
In my experience, they always taste like onions, which is really off-putting.
Have you eaten me before?
Is that what you're trying to say?
You're not here right now.
Fine.
Like the captain just stepping into that daydream.
You're not here.
Neither are you.
Well, I mean, that's good.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
If you see any humans, definitely give them your water.
But I mean, it's just, it's constant influx of people here.
And we're, we're up to our, we're up to our necks in human meat.
So, I mean.
Oh, where can I buy some of that?
Oh, down there.
Granny Gretel.
She's got a, she's got all your human meat needs.
Oh, perfect.
All right.
Well, two coin it is then.
Thank you, sir.
And you'll deliver it to the barge?
Yeah.
You're the only barge here.
Awesome.
Right.
He takes your coin.
He makes recommendations to deliver your, or, you know, gets the directions to deliver your barrels.
In the meantime, Captain and Chuckles, you've been at this bar and you're noticing that the humans, the other people in this bar, most of them are people, humans like yourselves.
There's no actual demons working there.
No one from Teacher Rose.
And nobody seems to leave.
Food is just constantly coming out from the, from the kitchens to your plates.
Like things you guys aren't even ordering are just showing up, like breadsticks and mot sticks and all this stuff.
Well, I'm not going to complain.
You have a very good waitress.
Does this feel familiar?
Yeah, we've been here for hours.
No, I mean, isn't this what happened in the last game?
Don't remind me of that.
They were animatronic and we never, ever escaped.
All right.
Let's keep eating bloomers.
Yep.
Eat some bloomers.
Another round of bloomers.
Squish walks out of the shop and like very casually, but then as soon as he's out of, out of range, I start running towards the, the restaurant again.
And I'm on my, I'm on my, my walkie going, Chuckles, Chuckles, Captain, Captain, Chuckles.
Can't talk.
You're eating onions.
No.
I can't hear you over the blooming onion we're eating.
It blooms so loudly.
They're going to eat you.
What?
No.
Yes.
We're not made out of onions.
Did they discuss the price with you?
What?
No.
They're fattening you up on blooming onions.
No.
I asked the waitress that earlier and she said no.
She said there's no way she would ever do that.
Did she giggle afterwards?
She said there was no drawbacks and it's not like the Twilight Zone.
No.
So eat up.
Wasn't.
Uh, get your food to go.
I start just shoving it in my coat.
All right.
Uh, we're out of here, ma'am.
Thank you.
Uh, tip's underneath.
Tip is underneath the table.
Yep.
And as she like comes out of the kitchen, she has a plate of like chocolate cake and it's
got a little like candle in it, but it's one of those firework candles.
Right.
Yeah.
We did.
We did this already.
I ate the damn cake already.
No, no, we haven't.
You know, this is, this is your birthday cake.
And then as she does that, like a whole group of the rest of the, the, the restaurant staff
kind of gather around and they start singing like a happy birthday song for you.
No, we've gone too far.
Happy birthday for all your friends to you.
I have a confession.
It was our birthday.
So we get started too.
I lied about my birthday.
No birthday.
We're leaving.
I'm slowly just backing up.
It's the last hurrah.
Nobody leaves, but that's not to leave the last hurrah me.
I'm bloated with onion and I need to go somewhere.
The captain told me to go.
I don't quite remember, but we're going to go there.
Yes.
We've loved being here.
This was a great time.
This is great.
Please enjoy a blooming onion on me.
Uh, your cash is in the garbage can on the other side of the room.
And please enjoy.
Yes.
Uh, their faces all kind of fall on your waitress kind of puts her, her plate down and the gather,
the grout of, of waiters and waitresses that she had gathered to sing your birthday song are all kind of like slowly encroaching towards you.
Oh boy.
Oh my God.
Wait, is this, is it threatening?
Uh, it's uncomfortable.
And they're women, aren't they?
Very attractive women.
Oh boy.
Almost exclusively.
But it's even worse because there's even more attractive men.
They're impervious to my only attack.
Onion?
Yes.
No.
Not punching.
Oh my God.
You're right.
They thought of everything.
We gotta go.
Uh, yeah.
What do we, so we, are we surrounded?
No, you can definitely still run out if you like.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
But first I'm going to take a, no, not a carafe, not a carabiner.
What are those little things called?
The chocolate?
No, the cups that they put sauces in.
Ramekins?
Yeah, ramekins.
I take a ramekin and it's full of honey mustard and I like toss it at them as a distraction.
The ramekin of honey mustard just kind of falls at their feet as you guys start running out the door.
And, uh, you don't really hear them chase after you.
Right.
But at this point you're running, right?
You've taken out, taken off.
Yeah.
Uh, nobody runs.
Go ahead.
Oh, it may be a bit of an overreaction, but, uh, we are completely freaked out.
Yeah, I am.
This is not cool, man.
Uh, as you guys run out the door, you run into Squish who is coming back from his, uh, his barrel from the other direction.
Squish!
Oh my God!
Squish!
It's like they come out, but I'm still running down the pier.
We just, like, meet up and run towards the bar.
They wanted, they're crazy in there.
They just kept bringing us onions.
It was wonderful.
They wanted to eat you.
I feel like we're running and I'm, like, just dropping onions behind me.
Yeah.
Uh, you run to the barge.
Um, when you look behind you, no one is chasing you.
But there's nobody, nobody else is on the street either.
All of the beachgoers that you saw earlier, all of the partiers, all of the shopkeepers, it's completely deserted.
It's an oasis.
I knew it.
Uh, nobody's there.
Um, you hop onto the barge and Tawny's like, did you, did you get us something to eat?
Oh.
No, but I got water.
I forgot all about it.
Yeah, I, I, I saw the guy deliver the water.
There's three barrels of water here.
Uh, and, uh, but food?
Keep them separate.
Don't put the holy water next to the regular water.
Yeah, here, here's a, here's a blooming onion.
Tawny just.
Here's a blooming onion.
When you open your coat to pull out the blooming onion, it just kind of crumbles, uh, into fried goodness, fried little crumbs and just.
Oh, well.
All of the food that you had stolen with you is now gone.
What?
There was the blooming onion.
So.
Oh, no.
This was an hallucination.
It's probably all that seawater he made is drink.
We gotta get out of here.
Oh, no.
Let's go.
I start pushing the boat.
Oh, he's broke.
Take up the, take up the anchor first.
The cinder block.
Yeah, I'm like struggling.
Why is it not going?
Did you leave the parking brake on again?
Oh, I think I did.
Well, I'll go get it.
The, uh, a small wind kind of puffs in your sails and you start pulling away.
And as you pull away this now deserted island, you just faintly hear, uh, some stainless or some stain, some steel drums, uh, just faintly in the background.
And you hear some little ukulele noises as you sail away into the ocean.
Wait, does the water dissolve?
No, the water's, the water will stay.
Am I hungry?
Uh, no.
I don't know.
Not yet.
You, you guys did eat.
You ate, you ate a lot.
So it was real at that point.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
So you can eat there, but you can never take away.
Hampton, you didn't sense that there were ghosts?
There was no ghost there.
Was there?
They all disappeared.
Quick, quick attune before we get too far.
Listen, the thing is, I don't just, that sensing thing, it's not like a, like a spidey sense.
I have to actively do it for me to sense.
I mean.
Well, do it now.
I want to know if there were ghosts there.
I'm a little tired.
I've been eating a lot of onions.
Oh, many blooming onions.
I mean, I'll try, but I can't guarantee I won't fart.
Actually, I'm not going to try, and I guarantee that I will fart.
Oh, wow.
Oh, he surprises with you.
Oh.
Continue.
Captain.
All right.
Now what?
Well, that's the end of the game for now.
Well, not now, but I mean for today, but you know.
Forever.
We're just sailing off into the sunset?
Yeah.
Good.
Thank you.