Let me read the latest
edition of the Shipwreck Sentinel.
How does a paper get delivered to a deserted island?
Disaster on the high seas.
The legend will live on from Duskable down
of the great ship they called the Garbarge.
Her trash-filled, hobcobbled remains
lie in the bottom of the Boise
in the deadly embrace of the Leviathan.
The day started out chipper,
but the crew in good spirits.
Chuckles and captains sorted out their differences
and came to a new understanding.
The day quickly turned when a Leviathan
appeared on the horizon.
The ghost butler Neatliks tried seducing the great beast,
and they tried using Hotman to attack him.
Their plans failed,
and they tried a mad dash towards the shore.
Eventually, Chuckles tried the old nut-punching technique,
but Alas could not find the genitals.
Squish bravely and foolishly jumped into the beast's gullet,
and while harming the fiend, did not kill it.
He cut his way out to freedom.
The captain, deciding on a last-ditch effort,
crashed the Garbarge into the beast,
sacrificing their home and headquarters to save their lives.
The crew washed upon the shores,
the crew washed upon the shores,
and were greeted by friendly locals.
Dee Dee and Tawny are missing.
What fresh horrors await our crew
on the avoid-at-all-costs island?
And also, fuck this boat in particular!
So, all right, I guess I did listen to it.
Still have some questions, or re-listened to the last session.
The captain, deciding on last-ditch effort,
so you gave up the Garbarge.
To save everybody.
And also, we were pretty much going to die anyway.
Also, I don't think that was intentional.
You just rolled.
Exactly.
I did.
Thank you.
I swear I thought that was going to work.
Of course, when it doesn't involve nut punching
or something trivial, then I would roll low.
And then, okay, but for sure,
you are going to claim like you did it on purpose.
Oh, I'm not happy I did it.
I mean, it's one of those, you know,
I did it as a last-ditch effort, you know?
I'm very upset.
You know, it was a fine ship, a fine vessel.
All that money we put into it.
Don't worry, we can get the Kahuna Wave now,
and then we'll be able to put,
we'll make a new Garbarge, a better one,
out of an actual ship.
We just got to bring garbage onto it.
It's all red.
It's the reddest ship you've ever seen.
It's the color, have you ever seen the color of Kahuna?
It's so pretty.
Wait, hold on, I want to search this now.
What?
Don't search nothing.
Kahuna?
What color is Kahuna?
I'm not sure we know what Kahuna is.
It's an important person.
Dollery, dollery do's.
There's no answer.
This is...
Got her again.
We're getting a pile of nuts.
Kahuna color.
Well, it's red, let me tell you.
It's a very fine red.
I'm sleeping.
With red primings.
Yes.
And red sails.
Yes, as you guys fell asleep,
well, finally collapsed after your horror of an evening,
when you wake up, you are pleasantly surprised.
What?
You're surprised.
What?
To find yourself on a beautiful island paradise.
So, there are palm trees.
There are small huts made out of straw and plant fibers.
There are people walking around.
It is honestly a fairly nice place.
It is, you know, dressed in kind of tattered rags, but nobody seems to be malnourished.
Nobody is particularly, you know, bleeding or jaundiced.
And you guys are just kind of sitting in one of the shacks.
You were sleeping on some woven mats made for you.
And the three of you wake up.
Are the women topless?
March and roll.
Where's the march?
Yeah, here we go.
We're going to see if the women are topless.
First roll of the night.
Come on, boobies.
Partially.
Yeah, yeah.
Most of them are topless.
Some of them are topless.
And some of the boobies aren't that great.
But, you know, they're still boobies.
Some of them are on men.
Who wakes up first?
Where am I?
What's going on?
Juggles!
Squish!
Just let me sleep just a little bit longer.
I start shaking you like a kid.
Juggles!
Let me sleep!
What?
Are you okay?
Are you awake?
Yes.
I'm alive.
Where are we?
Where is the ship?
What?
I don't know.
Tell me that was a nightmare.
Tell me we didn't just lose our only transportation out of here.
Is Squish Dad?
We're so close to getting the wave back.
I don't remember much.
I remember swimming and being underwater for a long time.
And I think, I don't know if this is a dream.
I was looking for balls.
And I couldn't find them.
That sounds like one of your dreams.
Ouch.
I'm just kidding.
Where's Squish?
Squish!
I start running around looking for Squish.
Like, like Madman.
I pop up from the bed right next to Juggles and go, what?
What?
Are you awake?
I hope not.
Have you been there the whole time?
Yes.
Was it you cuddling me?
Was that you?
That was not me.
I just woke up for the first time.
All right.
That fish destroyed my boat.
Our boat.
I think it's a mammal.
I don't think it's a fish.
I think it's a mammal.
Well, did you see any genitals?
Or gills?
Uh, what?
No.
To both.
Where are we?
I don't get that.
Do you want to?
Yeah, you can survey.
Survey.
You don't know.
Where am I?
I'm like, just really frantic.
Like, what the hell?
Nope.
You're back.
Okay.
What was it rolled for?
If he knew where he was.
A survey.
And I don't know where I'm at.
Turns out.
I am very frantic.
Oh, that's a great frozen piece.
Frozen picture he's got there.
Yeah.
I'm sure he'll come back.
You screenshot it?
I should.
I screenshot everyone when they freeze.
No, just the good ones.
Again.
That was pretty good.
What's funny is when he freezes on me, he just his like video drops and it's just a picture of his avatar.
That's so much better.
Wait a second.
Are we?
Please tell me we are not on a void at all cost island.
What?
Are we?
You're the one with the map.
I look at the map.
It definitely looks like it.
Fellas, we might be in trouble.
As you continue screaming, a few people kind of poke their heads in.
The two that do, that immediately poke their head in, there's a very just normal looking guy.
And his very normal looking wife or woman next to him.
And they poke their head in and they're like, well, howdy neighbor.
How you doing?
Where are we?
Oh, that's not right.
I like, I like have my running with my karate chop action.
That's not going correctly.
Here, I'm going to post a picture of them in the discord.
And he's like, whoa.
Hold on there, sailor.
We kind of fished you out of the bay there.
I mean, you crawled on shore, but we saw what happened to your ship.
Mighty bad business.
That's not so much fun.
How did you know he was a sailor?
He ran a boat.
She got you there.
And I'm wearing an eye patch.
All sailors, good sailors, wear eye patches.
He definitely looks like he might be a pirate.
And it looks like I wear an eye patch.
The guy kind of smiles and he just like, you know, is nonplussed.
And he goes, yeah, we pulled you out and tried to, you know, give you guys some time to rest.
You looked pretty beat.
What happened?
What brought you here?
Was it the Leviathan?
It was the fish.
It's a mammal.
He took our boat.
Yeah, he's a real unfriendly sort.
Well, let me introduce myself.
My name is Nelson.
I almost killed him.
Nelson?
Hey.
Yeah.
My name is Nelson.
This is my wife.
And he gestures to the woman beside him, who's also just very smiling.
And you notice that she's holding like a coconut in her hand, but it's got a lid on top.
And she goes, and he goes, this is my wife, Nelson.
And she's like, hi, happy to see you.
And she's like, we made you a little something just to invite you in.
And she hands you the coconut.
And when you open it, it's got what seems to be some sort of fruit slash marshmallow-y sort of mixture.
Is she one of the topless ones?
No.
Nelson definitely has a top on.
I thought for sure you were going to say it was a casserole.
I was really hoping that it was a casserole under the coconut.
Well, it is the implication, yes.
It is some sort of fruit casserole that she has made.
It's a mixture of fruits and marshmallow.
Wow.
Hope you guys like it.
We just wanted to invite you.
You know, it's not every day we get new people washing up on our shores.
And, well, it's just been so long since anyone new has come to the island.
So we just wanted to say welcome and see if we can do anything to get you all situated or if you need anything or have any questions.
When was the last time someone new showed up?
Oh, I think.
And then, you know, Nelson.
Hold on.
Sorry.
Squish.
I think this is Minnesota.
Hey, dear.
He, like, pats his wife, Nelson, on the shoulder.
He's like, when was the last time somebody came here, babe?
And she goes, oh, I don't know.
I'd probably say maybe, oh, six months ago or more or so at this point.
Where are they now?
Oh, they're still here.
They're the ones down the street there.
And you, like, look out the window.
And in a very similar hut, two other people pop their head out.
And they're like, what's this here?
Hello.
Listen.
We are trying to find our way.
And I'm pulling out the map.
And I'm like, to Yar, where the X marks the Yar spot.
I need to get there.
We need to get there.
Very quickly.
And more importantly, we're trying to avoid this here.
And I point to avoid at all costs, Island.
Well, I got some good news.
And I got some bad news for you.
And he takes a look at the map.
He goes, there's nothing there.
Where that X is?
That's just water.
There's nothing there.
Okay, what's the bad news?
Well, I mean, most people would consider that the bad news.
But I'm really liking your style.
Stay positive.
The bad, I guess the good news is you guys are here at avoid all costs.
Now, I don't know why it's labeled that.
We certainly wouldn't appreciate that label.
We call this Nelson land, particularly.
So, but you're here.
Are you the president?
Well, I wouldn't say president.
I would like to say town leader, possibly.
You know, I was one of the first.
Me and me and Nelson here and the two kids, little Nelson and Nelson Jr.
We're the first two to arrive onto the island.
Oh, gosh.
What was it now, honey?
And she was like, oh, about five years ago, we landed here.
And we made this our home.
And I don't know why it says avoid at all costs, quite frankly.
That seems a little unfair.
But, hey, to each their own, right?
Right.
Okay.
So, let's suppose that there is something at that X.
How do you have any kind of boat I can maybe, you know, that we can maybe borrow for a day or two, you know?
Or maybe a rocket or a helicopter, maybe a plane.
More bad news.
No, we don't have a rocket.
We got these little rowboats here.
But I'll be honest.
The thing about this island and that Leviathan is, well, he kind of keeps us here.
Oh, I knew I should have killed him.
I told you you should have killed him.
I was so close.
I think this is like his breeding grounds or something.
Anyway, anytime anyone tries to get off the island in one of those robots, just like, thinks automatically.
We've just kind of come to terms with that and, you know, have made him part of our community.
We like to think of him as kind of like the neighborhood watch.
What did you name him?
We didn't name him anything.
He's a great giant sea beast.
We call him Leviathan.
I'm going to call him Levi.
Nelson Senior.
Well, that would imply that it was his dad.
Right, right.
And that's not true.
What are the dating prospects on this island for a young adventurer?
Well, I mean, there's a fair amount of young single women here and some young single men, too.
If that's if that's how you go.
We don't judge, do we, Nelson?
He claps his wife on the shoulder and she just kind of nods there again.
I'll take all your Nelsons, female and male Nelsons.
Our Nelsons and Nelsas.
Excellent.
Obviously, you know, we can't commit to anything like that.
You know, everyone's got a free choice here.
Well, that's good to know.
Anyway, I won't keep you guys waiting.
I'm just going to say we're going to have dinner later tonight.
You guys are all welcome to join us.
We're going to meet down, down inside the island.
Well, you'll find it.
It's pretty well clearly marked around 8 p.m.
So if you're interested, come on in.
More the merrier.
If you have a dish to pass, great.
If not, hey, you know, we get it.
You guys just got settled.
But yeah.
Is there anything else you guys need or anything?
Yeah.
We can help you out right now.
I got a question.
Yeah.
Have you seen a really, really big man and an ape by chance?
Probably with a cigarette in its mouth.
The ape, not the man.
The man's built like a brick shick house, but he's also a bad arm.
He's got a broke arm.
We only saw you three in that.
I mean, we've got a lot of tall, handsome men here, don't we?
And where were those pedal boats again just on the way?
Oh, maybe they're just down there or over there.
And he points kind of up and down the shore.
And you see, you know, like two canoes kind of just, you know, tied off to the shore.
He goes, they're just down there.
But again, I got to warn you, the Leviathan, it's kind of his spot.
The waters here are not very, you know, I would caution any sort of expedition, especially on the open water without any sort of shelter or provisions.
Yeah, I bet you would, dear leader.
Also, we've done this before without shelter or provisions.
We can do it again, lads.
I suppose you could.
Hey, if it works out, write us a postcard.
We'll see you there.
And so him and his Nelson and Nelson kind of give you one final wave and they start walking away.
And you see that like kind of in their midst.
There's also two young children, both little, you know, younger boys who don't really talk, but they just seem to smile quite a bit.
And they wave at you as they leave and follow their parents back into the courtyard.
I don't like this boys.
I don't know.
They seem nice.
I say we take those canoes.
I say we just set up shop here and, you know, live here forever.
I'm going to eat whatever she gave us.
We've got to get to the Kahuna wave.
We've got to get there.
I don't know, man.
You heard it.
All the Nelson I can eat.
You don't need any more, any more full Nelsons.
No, figuratively eating.
Oh.
Gross.
Like in bed.
I didn't eat crumbs everywhere.
Yeah, Nelson crumbs.
That's so fucking gross.
The sexiest crumbs there is.
So, wait, you're going to eat that?
Yes.
I didn't get any Bloomin' Onion.
No, you didn't.
You just kind of ran off and did your own thing.
Yeah.
I bought us water.
Yeah.
That'll help that did us.
You just threw it at the monster and it made him stronger, probably.
Probably thirsty.
I think the holy water hurt it.
It did.
Yeah.
Especially once you set it ablaze.
Right.
Hmm.
I'm not sure that.
I forgot you can say holy water.
I'm fired.
I'm not sure that that's true either.
Good to know, though.
Well.
All right.
Well, you eat that then.
And, uh.
I eat it all.
You're not going to share any of it?
You didn't want it?
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
But seeing you eat all of it is disgusting and weirdly making me hungry.
So.
Sorry.
You just said something about getting Nelson crumbs all over your bed?
Yeah.
What the hell are you two going on about?
We're so close to the ship.
Yeah.
You're talking about crumbs?
We're not ship people anymore.
I've developed fear of the ocean.
And I really don't want to be inside that thing again.
Yeah.
An account of the big monster.
That too.
The big monster.
If we got the ship, we wouldn't have to worry about the big monster.
I'm pretty sure we would.
He would never touch the co-huna wave.
I thought that about the garbage.
Yeah.
Like, we didn't think it would eat garbage either.
And then it did.
It didn't eat garbage.
It just crushed it.
I don't know.
Squish it.
It was inside.
What?
Did you just call me garbage?
I mean, you're not.
Not garbage.
After I get done with the whole thing that they gave us,
I throw the coconut at Chuckles.
Ouch.
Why'd you throw the coconut at me?
You're garbage.
Oh, good one.
Lads, we cannot let this, this get, this, our darkest hour stop us from.
We're so close.
We've never been this close before.
We got to get provisions, get water, maybe steal a Nelson or two,
and get onto the ship.
I don't know.
The last person we stole wasn't very much help.
He broke like crazy.
Yeah.
He broke his arm for us.
I don't know if he.
And continued to row.
I don't know if he broke it for us.
And he paid his dues.
He definitely broke it because of us, though.
He did not pay his dues.
That was my biggest complaint.
He broke his arm.
That's kind of like paying a due.
But he didn't bring any onions.
Right.
Yeah.
And the, or blooming onions.
I don't know.
Uh, I think maybe we should just settle down here.
Get a new garbarge.
And by garbarge, I mean junk fort.
Let's go back to the junk fort days.
You know, good old land.
What about Lockport?
What about it?
Oh, Lockport.
I did want to go there.
Uh, but.
I heard it's a dump.
I also heard there's a big monster in the way.
We can't be afraid of a monster.
We can defeat that thing.
We came so close.
He's got a big hole in his chest.
Thanks to just one of us.
Imagine if all three of us gave it what for?
And he's missing an eye.
It sounds like squish should just marry the monster.
And they can be happy ever after.
Have you ever heard of Moby Dick?
It has a great ending where the fish gets it in the end.
And we should do that.
Again, I think it's a mammal.
What?
Fish gets what in the end exactly?
Death.
In which end?
Oh, no.
Oh, I was only 400 pages in.
Just remember, Tiger, you learn about literature vicariously through me.
And at the end of Moby Dick, the fish gets it.
But he's a mammal.
Again, it's a mammal.
And I think a leviathan is a mammal, too.
No, it definitely lays eggs.
Potato, potato, but a mammal.
Yeah, so do birds.
And they're mammals.
Also, not mammals.
Who are you?
I'm not right here.
What about the echidna and the platypus?
Name the two most obscure, strangest mammals.
That lay eggs.
I've never seen a platypus.
Or an echidna.
And you won't.
I would like to survey.
I would like to see what's around here.
Sure.
I just want to look around, you know, like when you get to a new hotel and you're just kind of looking around the resort.
Sure.
All right.
Which one?
I already forgot what I said.
Oh, survey.
Three.
I think in this case, you can just use your eyes to look around.
Okay.
You, so you guys are in kind of like a courtyard setting.
There are these little huts that are all around you.
There are people kind of walking to and from the huts.
They're all relatively normal looking people.
Some are topless.
Some are not.
And they're doing some busy work and picking things up and, you know, gathering firewood and talking and laughing and hauling water.
But one thing maybe you notice and they're all looking at, they kind of are avoiding you.
You know, they're doing that kind of like, you know, but aren't really making any sort of eye contact with any of you.
You're also just, I'm assuming, standing there arguing.
So that could be a little off-putting as well.
I can't imagine we smell very good either.
You, sir, or ma'am?
Me particularly.
What's your name?
The woman, like, looks around and she's like.
Yeah, you.
Yeah.
Nelson.
Nelson, huh?
And you, what's your name?
And I looked at someone else.
Nelson.
Oh, okay.
Well, hi, Nelson.
Nice, nice to meet you.
I'm, I'm Nelson.
And you over there.
What's, who are you?
What's your name?
An old man looks up and he goes, I am Nelson.
Okay.
Nice to meet you.
I'm also Nelson.
Well, the woman that you just initially talked to is like, well, hi, hi, Nelson.
What are you, what are you doing?
Juggles.
What?
No, I'm Nelson.
Yeah.
Hey, Nelson, do you mind if I, um, do you mind if I talk to you kind of over there?
Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of this big fella.
And I slap squish on the back.
Did you, uh, did you eat the casserole?
Shit.
What?
Yes.
No, I tried.
Um, no, I helped Nelson make it.
I was just curious.
Do you, do you, do you want some more?
And she turns around and she has her own coconut baking dish.
Is this for the potluck later?
Yeah.
I mean, but if you want it now, I mean, it's my, you know, might not keep till, till tonight.
She kind of hands it out and she's like, would either of you like a taste?
Yes.
I eat it.
Did you eat it just because I said I wanted it?
Yes.
Oh, you are such a great.
My name's Junkles.
I'm a big fat jerk.
Wow.
You're such a great brother.
And I slap you on the back through gritted teeth.
Uh, then, um, I spit all of this casserole all back over her, Nelson.
Cause I got slapped in the back.
You kind of like hook out trying.
So she does, she does one of these and she's like, uh, um, okay.
Um, and she like wipes her mouth and it's just awkward.
Awkward.
Awfully.
And then, uh, you kind of hear her voice is like, Hey, uh, could, could I, can I get a hand
over here?
Uh, with one of these?
Uh, and it's one of the people, uh, at the well, they have a little well pulling buckets
of water.
And she's like, could, could one of you give me a hand here?
Captain, you're up.
It's water.
What?
What's going on?
I've been kind of distracted.
I'm like gulping out these canoes real kind of intensely.
What you need?
Uh, yeah.
Do you, do you want to just, uh, come here?
Help me, uh, help.
Yes.
Okay.
Uh, help me, uh, pull up, uh, water for some of this.
What do you need?
Sorry.
I'm a little, I'm a little drunk.
How are you drunk?
You guys turned over.
You guys turned away for a little bit of the talk.
I was busy.
Do you do that every time?
Like you just, you lose sight of us or anyone?
You start drinking?
No.
I think you might have a problem.
Captain.
I'll drink to that.
I pull out a glass.
I'm glad he's our driver.
All right.
What do you need?
You need something lifted?
Something hauled?
Yeah.
Water over here.
Uh, and she kind of leads you over to the, uh, to the well.
And as she, you bend over to, to grab the bucket.
She's like, don't eat the casserole.
Thing they just offered my friends.
Yeah.
Don't eat it.
Is this the same one?
I just spit everything up all over.
Thank God.
I hate casserole.
This was such a good.
Oh man.
What about blooming onions?
You guys got any of that here?
Look, I don't know how you guys got here, uh, in one piece.
Uh, I don't know what they told you earlier.
Um, we all are, uh, we're, we're all kind of, well, we're all Nelsons, you know?
Yes.
I've realized that.
I figured that was just a quirky little small town thing you guys pulled up, you know?
No.
Like, we're all Nelsons.
What?
We, if you want to be here, you have to be a Nelson too.
You know what I mean?
Like, snip snip?
I'm not sure what that means.
I'm not sure what you mean.
What the hell are you saying?
I'm not.
What?
Look, you didn't eat the casserole, right?
No, I don't eat casserole.
Right.
So you're a Nelson.
What?
My name is Captain Adrick Fitzglyde.
The ghost pirate.
You may have heard of me.
I'm looking for my boat.
And as she's talking to you, she like waves to someone who's walking by and you see Nelson
and Nelson, the original OG Nelson and Nelson kind of walk past and, uh, everybody kind of
like straight stands up a little bit straighter and they're kind of like pretending to work
a little bit busier.
And the woman talking to you, Captain, is like, look, these people are absolutely crazy.
Okay.
Don't eat the casserole.
And whatever you do, you're a Nelson.
Okay.
I'm going to go tell my friends not to eat the casserole.
Also, my name's Captain Adrick Fitzglyde.
And I turn around and run.
Boys!
Lads!
Juggles!
Squish!
Where are you?
Hey!
You don't always have to yell.
Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen.
We are not as drunk as you are.
Listen.
Don't eat the casserole.
What?
Don't eat the casserole.
I got my hand inside the coconut going back for another bite.
I smack it out of your hands.
Hey!
Well, that was rude.
Don't eat the casserole!
No, I meant that he wouldn't give me any of the casserole.
I wanted some of the casserole.
Did you eat any?
No, it's on the ground.
Did you eat any?
Did you eat any, Squish?
Yes!
I start trying to stick my finger down your throat.
Get out of the throat!
Purge yourself!
You have to purge!
Get out of there!
You have to purge!
Juggles, something's wrong with the casserole.
Use your tinkering and figure out what.
I think he's really drunk this time.
Yeah, I think he's gone off the deep end.
Yeah.
Pun intended.
No!
Hey, where's the lion?
Ask him.
That lion don't know shit.
We keep asking at stuff.
It doesn't know anything.
Hey, hey, lion.
Yeah?
What is he talking about?
The casserole?
I didn't have any.
No, but should I not eat it?
Tell him, Paul.
Hi.
Hey, tell them that they shouldn't eat the casserole.
Can I see the casserole?
No.
Can I just hold up my hand?
It still has some.
Look at it.
Can I smell it?
No, you don't have a nose.
Just because I'm stoned does not mean I have a nose.
I have a stone nose.
Okay.
I put it up to his stone nose.
You're a racist.
I can't smell anything.
Do you need some.
Did you overhear anything?
Did you tell them what you told me?
What that person told me?
Oh, she seemed very upset.
She said, and I quote, don't eat the casserole.
And if anyone asks, you're a Nelson.
Oh, my God.
I cannot change my name right now.
I just got used to this one.
Yeah.
Me too.
Too many names.
Too many Nelsons.
We need to get out of here.
Wait.
That means he's telling the truth.
Juggles.
Yeah.
The lion doesn't lie.
Punch me in the stomach.
Go ahead, Juggles.
Not you, Captain.
Okay.
You're.
Oh, you know what?
Captain, you do it.
Juggles is just going to hit me in the nuts.
I.
Which actually might help.
All right, Juggles.
I switch back.
I'm not.
Punch me.
I'm not.
No.
Not punch him, Juggles.
This is too violent for me.
I slap him in the face.
Ouch.
How dare you?
Punch me in the stomach.
Punch yourself in the stomach.
Oh, yeah.
I guess that is an option.
I do a running jump and I kick you in the stomach.
All right.
Yeah, you wreck him.
It's going to be a wreck.
You fail and you hit him.
You kick him right in the nuts.
As you.
As you try to start running.
And you try to do this really cool, like, jump.
Or you go and you kick him in the stomach.
But that doesn't work in real life.
And you just kind of, like, stumble.
And just kind of, like.
Thank God what I'm saying.
Huh.
Juggles, please.
What?
Wreck my stomach.
No.
Wait.
No.
That's.
Don't.
Punch me in the stomach.
Okay.
You have to, Juggles.
It's your moment.
This is your moment, Juggles.
I will not.
I wanted some.
I wanted some of that.
I wanted some of that casserole.
He won't give me any.
And this is just the good Lord coming back to you and laying eggs.
I slap him in the face again.
Ow.
Stop doing that.
Then punch me in the stomach.
I'm not doing that.
Punch your own stomach.
I try.
Okay.
I guess I'll punch myself in the stomach.
Yeah.
You ate all the casserole.
You got yourself in this predicament.
Now, you could get yourself out.
Now, maybe if you had shared some of the casserole, we could punch each other's stomachs.
But you know what?
You didn't share any of it.
So now, this is all on you, buddy.
I knock his hat off.
My hat!
Can I try to wreck him again?
My hat?
No.
Chuck, squish his stomach.
All right.
I'm doing it again.
What?
I just imagine I'm jumping and I just keep missing.
Like, I'm just aiming really, really poorly and just missing.
Keep falling.
Yeah.
You try to do a roundhouse kick, but you just miss?
Yeah.
Like, I'm completely with it.
Like, I'm just completely with it.
All right.
I'm just going to punch myself in the stomach.
Give yourself the Heimlich maneuver.
You know what?
I'm just going to shove my fingers down my throat.
That's what I tried doing.
I didn't trust you then.
I still don't.
Do it!
What do I got to roll for this?
I guess a finesse.
Skirmish.
Oh, yeah.
I'm obsessed.
What am I obsessed?
Oh, yeah.
I'm obsessed with a Leviathan.
Finesse.
Wait.
You're obsessed with Leviathan?
With Leviathan, yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
I remember being obsessed with something.
I'm pretty sure it's like, I'm going to become a Leviathan hunter now.
Oh.
You need a boat for that.
Well, we got a rowboat.
I'm going to push myself.
If you want to be a Leviathan hunter, why aren't we hunting this Leviathan right now?
We got to worry about this.
Yes!
Casserola.
Purge.
So I stuffed my fingers down my throat to make myself puke this casserole up.
All right, Juggles.
Your turn.
What?
Why do I have to do it?
I started trying to grab you.
You ate the casserole, right?
No, I didn't eat it.
I wanted to.
He wouldn't let me.
No, get out of here.
I started trying to put my fingers down your throat.
Stop it.
In between the heaves, I go, yeah, he definitely had some.
No.
He definitely had some.
No.
You got to get it out.
Stop fooling me.
Ouch.
So you didn't eat it?
No.
All right.
I dropped it.
I wanted to.
Let the record show.
All right.
Well, let the record show that I've saved Squish's life from casserole poisoning.
I'm not even sure if that's what it does, but we got to get it out of our systems.
You've saved me by trying to kick me in the stomach.
Twice.
I'm tripping over your feet.
You're a frog.
I mean, I was trying to do what Juggles didn't have the stomach to do.
I was a conscientious objector.
The one time I need you.
You're arguing and vomiting has attracted a small, the attention of others.
And people are starting to surround you and they're like, squish, one of them comes up to you and they're like trying to like rub your back like you do when somebody's sick.
And they're like, it's okay.
You know, we've got more casserole if you want it.
Don't worry.
No, no.
I'm allergic to marshmallows.
We really, really did love the casserole, though.
It's not that you did bad.
We really, really loved it.
So much so, we wanted to taste it twice.
Well, if you want more.
I mean, did you have enough?
You know what?
I am really full of salt water.
So I can't eat right now.
But I am definitely going to eat some later.
Well, you definitely should.
I mean, the dinner is not going to be for a few more hours.
And, you know, we need to have time to prepare.
So, I mean, if you're hungry now, it would be a good time.
No, no, no.
We're fine.
And I kind of pushed through.
Thank you.
By the way, I'm Captain Edric Fitzglyde.
Nice to meet you.
No, we're not.
No, thank you.
Casserole?
More like Cassano.
Got him.
I'm on a casserole right now.
The group is kind of crowding you a little bit.
You guys are kind of getting pushed back into your hut.
We have a hut?
Well, that's where you started from.
Oh, yeah.
It now has vomit.
It's outside.
It's our new junk hut.
Junk hut.
We're the junk hut boys now.
I'm just going to take some fronds I see laying on the ground and cover up the vomit.
What are fronds?
The, like, banana leaves.
You two are my best fronds.
Take five, stress.
Eventually.
That makes Squish puke even more.
Eventually, Nelson and Nelson come out and they kind of disperse the crowd.
And Nelson kind of notices the vomit, but she doesn't say anything.
And she's like, is everything okay here?
I mean, we left you guys for five minutes and there's a crowd and vomit.
And you guys okay?
You need anything?
No, we're fine.
We just got a bit of the sea crazies.
You know, we're still getting acclimated to land.
I think I saw some bile from the Leviathan earlier.
We're fine.
Everything's fine.
Just fine.
How are you?
I'm good.
Thanks.
I'm.
All right.
Well, I'm Nelson.
And they smile and they, they both kind of clap you on either side.
And they said, we thought, we thought you might, you might come around to that.
Well, come on, Nelson.
We're going to go get ready for dinner.
You, Captain.
Is that what you said?
Captain Nelson.
Captain Adrick Fitzglyde.
Okay.
And Squish, you know, he really likes the casserole.
Wait, no, no, no.
My name is Juckles.
Your name is Juckles.
Yes.
So Captain, Juckles, and Nelson.
Huh.
Well, Nelson, why don't you come with us and kind of get ready for dinner.
And if you two want to wash up and get ready, we'll see you like, what, 20 minutes or so.
We'll go down and meet you there.
Sure.
You guys will be good, right?
Yeah.
You really don't mind if I just go with Nelson.
I don't think it's a good idea, but I mean, you go ahead if you want to.
I mean, but you won't be mad at me?
Like, no, I mean, just, just, just, just, just be ready to do whatever needs to be done, lad.
What, like, kill them?
No, just, just, just, just, just watch out for things.
This doesn't look right.
I don't know.
They seem nice to me.
We're nice to you.
Do we have all of our gear?
You have whatever gear you had on you when you jumped off ship.
Okay.
So I've still got my gun and my knife.
Yes.
Okay.
Are you preparing for something?
You never know.
I don't know.
They seem nice to me.
You guys, you guys, you guys are so, I don't know why you guys are being so jealous.
Nelson.
And yeah, see, you guys are so nice to me.
See, see.
Junkles.
Listen, we're so close to the end.
We just need to get to the boat and then we'll be on the open waters.
But we need to get off this fucking place.
We need it.
We need you to go in there.
Talk to the Nelsons.
Get us some provisions, some things, and then we can get on the canoes and our friend Junkles over here, I guess.
He can take out the Leviathan.
It's got a big hole in it already.
It's already half dead.
We're really putting it out of its misery.
It's kind of cruel we didn't kill that thing when we did.
We all got holes in it in ourselves.
And, you know, I don't know why this can't be our happily ever after.
I'm just saying, go investigate.
Sure, they seem very nice.
That's great.
Also, a little weird with the names.
Is she listening to us?
I mean, she's kind of just standing there while you guys are talking.
I mean.
Oh.
All right.
Well, I'm not really going to go.
I'm like, got my arm around, like, looking.
Well, I'm going to go and see if, you know, maybe these people will be new friends.
And maybe this is a place where we can settle down and have a new junk.
A junk hide.
Okay.
Well, use the frond joke I told earlier.
That's a pretty good one.
And I think they'll like it.
And they'll write.
They know what a frond is.
And then, like I said, just feel things out.
Feel things out.
Just remember.
This is pretty weird.
Okay.
All right.
Have fun.
Well, smell you later.
And I tussle your hair as you go.
It's like the Andy Griffith song.
It's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
All right.
So, Nelson and Nelsa kind of walk on either side of you.
And Nelson's got his hand kind of arm.
He kind of wraps it around you, chuckles.
And he starts walking you into the, along this path.
Now, along this path, it's like, you know, a sandy path with trees on either side.
And he goes, he goes, Nelson, my son, here's the thing about living on this island.
You know, we all got to live together in harmony.
You know, we all have to follow the same rules.
We all have to agree on terms.
And, you know, it's just easier if we all just, just get along.
Right.
Wow.
You really, really got a strong grip.
Don't you, Nelson?
Absolutely.
And he kind of gives you a good shake.
And he goes, and I'm glad to see that you, you've really adapted to, to our society.
And you've really blended in here.
I was a little concerned about your friends.
Got to be honest.
The captain's running around screaming, drunk, falling all over the place.
And that other one.
I wouldn't say he's drunk yet.
Well, look, alcohol is not allowed here on the island.
That's kind of, you know, a major rule.
And also, we don't have any, you know, so.
Oh, it's going to be real tough for him once he runs out of leg.
You know, we aim, and then Nelson says, we aim to have a pleasant, peaceful, cohesive society.
And I think you can really be a part of that.
I think you really can, Nelson.
I think you can.
Really?
Dinner's a big thing for us.
We all like to eat together, you know, as a family, as to kind of uphold traditions.
And we'd really like it if you, if you kind of did the, started the feast tonight.
If you would kind of be our, our feast of honor, as it was.
Really?
Yeah, of course.
You know, you really, really, really, really, really, really, really?
Yes.
Wow.
And, and it chuckles.
They kind of lead you into a dark, a hut kind of off to the side.
And Captain Squish, you see them walk down the, down the path and into the hut and the door shuts.
I want to sneak into a different hut.
Hey, Captain, he's going to be murdered, right?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I mean, the boy, the lad's a good lad, but I don't think he's.
He's definitely dead to us.
No, no, what?
No, he's not dead to me.
He's a good lad.
Oh, he's just dead in general.
Oh, no.
Well, no, he's.
But you live on in our memories.
No, I, I'm not going to accept that.
So you're going to forget him?
No, I am going to go sneak over into a hut and spot, and a hut window over there and try to spy.
I'm not very good at stealth, but maybe if I drink a little bit more.
What?
At the hut they went into?
Yeah, yeah.
We, we definitely need to watch out for Juggles.
I don't trust this, this awesome crew.
All right, why don't you leave it to me to sneak up to the hut?
All right, what do you want me to do?
Don't get more drunk.
All right, how about this?
How about this?
You spy.
I feel like I should say no.
No, no, you go spy on Juggles.
Juggles.
I'll spy on you and make sure nothing happens to you.
Yeah, be the lookout.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm, I'm fine with that.
I'm fine with that.
Let's have a drink.
No, don't get more drunk.
It's fine.
It helps my, it helps me keep my mind limber.
Where did you find that?
I brought it with me.
The boat had a lot of stashes and I had to do a lot of grabbing before I left.
I have a feeling the only reason that boat was like buoyant is because it was filled with
empty liquor bottles.
That is a very, very rough, but probably correct assumption.
Let's go.
I would like to sneak up and try to find a window in the hut that they went into.
Uh, was that a, like a prowl?
You're going to prowl up there?
Yeah.
All right.
Go ahead and prowl.
Okay.
Uh, you managed to sneak up to the hut and you look through the window and inside you see
like, uh, chuckles, uh, standing, like kind of standing, uh, Nelson and Nelson are sitting
on a bed and they're all just kind of like talking, but also chuckles seems to be having
a good time.
He's kind of like, like laughing and they're, you know, laughing at his jokes.
Uh, but they're handing chuckles like a robe and everything.
And they're like kind of putting it on him and like straightening it.
And, you know, like, you know, they seem very, uh, very impressed by, by chuckles, whatever
he's saying.
Chuckles, what are you, what are you saying in there?
What are you impressing them with?
I'm just doing pantomimes.
I'm just so excited that, uh, I'm wearing the same thing as everyone else.
And I, you know, they're really, really just, um, giving me a lot of attention and a lot of
touching.
And, uh, usually it doesn't work for me, but it's working for me now.
So having the time of my life, they're getting their own robes on and you guys are doing
one of those, like, Oh, we're over to the same things.
Like, ah, yeah.
Captain, what about you?
I'm hiding behind some fronds that I picked up, like kind of like just hiding them behind
them.
Like, like trying to pretend I'm a bush and I'm watching and I'm watching and I'm watching,
uh, squish.
Okay.
Are you like trying to hide?
Are you trying to watch him?
Like, which one is the one you're more concerned about right now?
Ooh, probably hide.
All right.
Let's see how well you're hiding.
All right.
What do I do with that?
Prowl?
Prowl.
I'm a night prowler.
I'm super prowly.
I am not.
Well, I'm only having, I only have two fronds.
So you're not doing a great job and other people kind of, kind of come by you and, uh,
they start standing next to you as you're sitting there with your fronds and, uh, you feel one
of them kind of put his, uh, hand on you.
No.
Get off.
What?
Oh.
I smack him with my frond.
What are you doing?
Well, time to get ready for dinner.
Do you, are you ready?
I've eaten already.
Thank you very much.
Then I go back to watching behind my frond.
What?
I'm in the middle of something, lad.
What can I do for you?
Uh, he goes, uh, dinner's mandatory and he kind of like starts to lead you away.
No, no, no.
I'm all right.
I'm trying to whack him with the frond as we're walking.
Let me go.
Um, while you're whacking him with the frond, however, you have, uh,
not been watching squish.
Oh God.
And, uh, several men from, uh, behind the, uh, the, the tree line kind of like peer forward
and squish.
Although you did rid yourself of the vast majority of the, the casserole, you aren't completely
knocked out, but you realize you're starting to get kind of like woozy and you're not feeling
very well.
Um, and you're just kind of like your, your senses are a little, you can just tell you
something's going on.
It's like, you've been hit with kind of like a sudden nausea.
Can I do, uh, like a resistance role?
Yeah.
Resolve?
Yeah.
Go ahead and do resolve.
Uh, you overcome the nausea.
And as you do so, you realize, uh, that the, uh, the people behind you, you, you hear them
starting to approach you.
There's two men and they start to approach you.
I turn around and I draw my knife.
Okay.
Uh, they kind of stop and they're just like, Hey, Hey, it's, uh, it's dinner time.
We just wanted to let you know.
Would you, by sneaking up on me?
I mean, you're, you're kind of snooping in Nelson and Nelson's hut.
I mean, you're the creeper here.
Not us.
No, you are.
And then I run into the woods.
Well, as you run into the woods, captain, what are you doing?
Oh, I'm still being dragged by that guy and I'm whacking him and it's not working.
Let me go.
Uh, you guys are dragged at, you're dragged into the woods, captain.
And you're kind of the lights, the sun kind of starting to go down.
It's starting to get dark.
The woods start to get a little bit more and more dense.
And you notice captain that everybody, uh, in the area is all wearing these long, dark
robes.
Oh, and, uh, they're very friendly.
And very, very, you know, nice and kind of talking when they first leave the village.
Um, but as they walk closer, further and further into the forest, um, the laughter stops, the
talking stops, they put their hoods on, uh, and eventually you're brought into a small
clearing.
Um, and from the opposite end of the forest, uh, chuckles, you are led by Nelson and
Nelson, uh, to the beginning of, to the same area.
Oops.
Sorry.
Wrong one.
So you guys are led into an open area.
Uh, there is a slight altar, uh, type thing, a stone kind of placed in the middle.
Um, and everyone gathers around it.
Captain, you're kind of being pushed forward to the beginning, uh, to the front of, of the
crowd.
And Nelson and Nelson, uh, are on the other side of the altar with you, uh, capped or chuckles
in between them.
And they say, uh, good afternoon.
Good morning, everyone.
So happy you guys could join us for dinner again today.
It's always been one of our favorite things when we can have friends over for dinner.
I want to introduce our newest guest tonight.
This is going to be, this is Nelson, and they kind of shake your shoulder, chuckles.
Nelson, you want to introduce yourself?
I'm really nervous and shy.
Hi, I'm Nelson.
And everyone in the crowd goes, hi, Nelson.
And Nelson, the older, the male kind of clasps your arm and he says, Nelson, Nelson's son,
here's kind of the final thing to be part of our family and really to be a part of our community.
As we said, it's really important that we keep a sense of cohesion.
A sense of love, a sense of peace.
And unfortunately, there's a lot of mouths to feed.
No, we were hoping to get your devil friend squish here.
Chuckles, I'm sorry.
Your devil friend chuckles here.
But he's gone run off somewhere.
So it's time for you to make a decision.
Okay.
Um, do you join us?
Yes.
Forever?
Yes.
And have the family that you're always looking for?
Yes.
You do?
Yes.
Oh, there's no decision to be made then.
Uh, here.
And they hand you a knife and they say, go ahead and kill the captain.
What?
Captain Nelson?
I'm like, I still have my frond and I just, what?
I mean, I was going to do this with a little bit more ceremony and a little bit more pomp,
but you seem like a really eager beaver.
Yeah.
Carve him up.
Kill him.
Let's, let's, let's eat.
You know, you have the honor.
Carve the bird.
Nelson, don't do this to me.
What?
Nelson.
Now you call him Nelson.
Wait.
Oh, you.
All right.
I'm sorry.
I lost track of where everybody was.
They have the captain and they.
Yeah.
Yep.
And.
Well, I knew that.
He's being pushed.
Yeah.
Okay.
He's being pushed next to me.
Basically.
Right.
In front of, in front of the altar where you were also standing.
Oh.
And you want me to kill him with this knife.
And I'm freaking it closer.
And then I will be a full Nelson.
Juggles.
I whisper.
Juggles.
Yeah.
Come on.
Lad.
Well.
And I.
Not the cabin boy anymore.
Yeah.
I'm freaking.
I'm freaking the knife closer.
You're cabin man now.
You're cabin man.
You're more than that to me.
You're.
You're the best.
You're the best friend I have in this fucking world.
And.
Come on.
It's the old.
The old buddy, the captain.
I don't know.
If I could do this.
Lord Nelson.
Lord.
Lord Nelson.
Can I have one final request?
No.
Oh.
Come on.
Just one.
From one Nelson to another.
You're a Nelson as well.
I'm captain Nelson.
St.
Nelson.
Wow.
And you promise to uphold the peace.
To join our society and maintain our ways.
Only if you let me do this ritual that I have.
That might.
That it's just.
The one last thing and then I'll join you completely.
Yes.
We'll kill squish.
No.
Can we do.
Can we do that?
Can we kill squish instead?
No.
Just let me do my.
Can we do the dance?
Let me do the dance.
And I'm trying to wink at you.
But I only have an eye patch.
Just let me do the dance.
What?
The.
The squish dance?
No.
Hot men.
I don't know if you should do a hot man dance here.
It's not.
I don't think it's that kind of party.
I know we're all dressed fabulously.
But I'm not really sure it's the right crowd.
I think we just need to get the dance.
And then.
We can get.
Out of here.
And get to the ship.
I vouch for Nelson St. Nelson.
Captain Esquire.
And he.
We should let him into the group as well.
And we've both decided that we will.
Both.
Here's a compromise.
Both dance.
And.
Kill squish.
And that red thing.
What was he calling?
On himself?
Jinkles.
Yeah.
Jinkles.
Yeah.
Let's.
We'll stab him.
Bring him here.
Well.
Unfortunately.
All right.
I'll make a deal with you.
You two.
Find squish.
Or chuckles.
Bring him here.
And then we'll let you do your dance.
And you'll just let us go.
Agreed.
Oh no.
No.
We'll send people with you.
Okay.
Some Nelson.
I mean.
Yeah.
All right.
That's what it got to take to let me do my special dance.
And then join you guys.
You guys are going to love this dance.
It's a really good dance.
I promise you.
You're going to really appreciate it.
It's got a lot of finesse.
And.
And you know.
What else.
There's a lot going on.
You know.
A lot of.
A tune.
A lot of.
A lot of consorting.
And commanding.
A lot of commanding.
So are you two.
Trying to convince them.
To.
To let you do your dance.
No.
We're just trying to go find.
No.
We're just going to go hunt down this.
Squish.
Jinkles guy.
And we'll bring him here.
To justice.
And to eat.
Because he's really.
Really.
Really tender.
I imagine.
Okay.
And sensitive.
And Nelson.
He.
He points to four.
Very tall.
Strong men.
Wearing robes.
In the audience.
In the group.
And he says.
Go with them.
Help them find squish.
And we'll.
We'll finish tonight out.
With a.
A dinner and a show.
Yeah.
The reddest meat.
All right.
So the four of you.
Well.
Six of you.
Captain.
Chuckles.
And your four.
Compatriots.
Take off.
Into the jungle.
Where are you guys.
Taking them.
What have you been doing?
As soon as they.
I see that they all left.
To go to this.
Meat.
I go around.
To.
The.
Other huts.
And try to find.
You know.
Like.
Water.
Jugs.
Or whatever.
Some provisions.
Okay.
To bring.
To the rowboat.
Yeah.
Do you want to roll.
And.
Survey.
And see what you find.
Sure.
Don't.
You find.
Quite a bit.
Of provisions.
You find.
Some.
Water skins.
You find.
Some.
You know.
Dried meat.
You find.
Some dried fruit.
You find.
Quite a bit.
In the different huts.
Okay.
I load them all up.
Into a rowboat.
Okay.
As you're loading it up.
In the rowboat.
You kind of.
Hear this commotion.
Coming through.
The trees.
As you're loading up.
The last water skin.
Into the rowboat.
And you see.
You see.
Squish.
Sorry.
Chuckles.
And the captain.
Being.
Like.
Walking.
And arguing.
Amongst themselves.
Like.
Always.
Being followed.
By four.
Four guards.
Definitely.
This way.
If I know.
Chuckles.
And I think.
I do.
Dare I say.
He is.
Definitely.
Over here.
I don't think so.
He goes west.
Always goes west.
That's all he talks about.
Going west.
Yeah.
I.
Yeah.
Why would you say that?
He never says.
His favorite direction is west.
Just because it's his favorite.
Doesn't mean that he's going to do it.
All the time.
My favorite color is turquoise.
And I.
You don't never see me wearing turquoise.
I save it for special occasions.
That's because turquoise is rare.
West isn't rare.
It's one of four.
It's.
He's going that way.
But.
You have to agree.
Of the four cardinal directions.
West is.
The most rare.
And so is turquoise.
All right.
Fine.
All right.
We'll go that way.
All right.
I start going west.
I start going east.
Wait.
What?
Oh.
Okay.
You have.
A.
Famously.
Great.
Sense of direction.
Captain Nelson.
St.
Nelson.
Famously great.
By the way.
Adric St.
Nelson.
I thought it said.
Weast.
I did not fight this hard to be getting my name for this.
You see them coming.
Squish.
What do you do?
I.
I hide in one.
I hide in the rowboat.
But I get my rifle out.
And kind of like.
I'm laying down.
But I got the rifle sitting on like the back of it.
Pointed towards them.
All right.
And I'm just waiting to see what happens.
Captain Chuckles.
What about you?
Oh.
We keep going.
Weast.
Yeah.
Weast.
Are you actively looking for Squish?
Or are you just trying to kill some time?
Why not both?
We're not really.
I don't think we have a plan.
Can I do a survey and see if I can find Squish?
Sure.
How about this?
You do a survey.
Squish.
You do a roll.
And whoever gets the best roll.
Determines if they're hidden or not.
All right.
I'll do my.
So survey.
My prowl.
Yeah.
Your prowl.
So I hit survey.
He hits prowl.
Yeah.
It's going to be hard to beat that.
I definitely do not.
What?
And I'm like.
I see him.
But I don't know what to do.
And I'm like.
Trying not to look.
And make it look obvious.
I'm like.
I'm picking.
The juggles.
Juggles.
Play it cool.
Knuckles.
Yeah.
Play it cool.
Okay.
So we slowly start like trying to walk by him.
You know.
Just kind of kicking around close.
Yeah.
Juggles.
Go to the bathroom and get him on the walkie talkie.
Go to the bathroom.
There's no bathrooms here.
But.
Just go into the bushes man.
They weren't going to follow you there.
These Nelsons are prudes.
Okay.
Do we want to find.
We never really figured out.
Are we trying to.
All right.
Okay.
Fine.
I'll just call him.
But.
I want the record to show.
We do not have a plan.
Oh.
I'm.
I've got a plan.
The plan is get to the ship.
That's not a plan.
That's a goal.
That's not the plan.
I don't know what.
Okay.
I got to admit.
I don't know what the goal.
The difference between a goal and a plan was.
It seemed like the same.
You know what.
Now I have to go to the bathroom.
And so.
I'll distract these two guys.
I'll distract them.
Let them.
Hey.
I got to.
You know.
Go.
Spray some rocks over there.
I just say.
I ate a lot of casserole.
You know what I'm saying.
Did you eat the casserole?
Oh.
I ate so much casserole.
And it's sitting heavy.
You know.
Like.
You don't want to be next to this man.
After he has the casserole.
It is bad.
It.
It's going to be smelly.
And.
Awkward.
And he's not.
He looks at you in the eye when he does it.
Because he doesn't know how to not do that.
Right.
I do a lot of yelling.
Too.
Just.
Well.
We.
We were roommates.
For a long time.
The bathroom didn't have a door.
Nor.
Toilet.
So.
Or a wall.
It was really awkward.
Yeah.
And.
Every time I had casserole Mondays.
He just made it.
It was just.
It was just a horrible evening.
It was just.
You may.
You may ask yourself.
Why.
Why continue with casserole Mondays.
And I tell you.
He doesn't know how to cook anything else.
I love it.
Let me.
Let me tell you guys.
A fascinating story about.
A fish.
And a casserole.
Okay.
That's my cue.
To exit.
I've heard this story a million times.
Have a good time.
Juggles.
Now anyway.
The fish.
Oh.
He's going to.
He's going to tell the story.
No.
You go ahead.
Continue.
I thought.
I thought we were.
I thought we were changing scenes right away.
because we didn't actually have a story about a fish in a casserole.
But it turned out.
We do.
They.
They're a little off put by that.
I think everybody is.
So they kind of stay.
While.
Chuckles.
You.
You go into the bushes.
But they do kind of crowd around you.
Captain.
And not to hear your story.
Come.
Come in.
Nelson.
Come in.
Nelson.
This is Nelson.
Is Nelson there?
Oh.
Nelson.
Yeah.
I'll go get Nelson.
Wait.
No.
Nelson here.
Oh.
Hey.
Nelson.
Yeah.
What's up.
Nelson.
Yeah.
This is Nelson.
What are you doing?
I think we.
Listen.
I.
I need to talk to you.
About.
I don't know.
We're.
We're flying by the seat of our pants here.
I don't really know what we're going to do.
We did see you.
Um.
I feel like.
You know I'm in a boat.
No.
You're not in a boat.
You're in a bush.
No.
I'm in a boat.
That bush.
You're in a bush.
That bush looking awful lot like you.
Okay.
All right.
Well.
All right.
So you have a plan.
Because.
Can you see us?
Yes.
All right.
What are we going to do here?
Uh.
Why don't we kill those four people.
And then row.
Row to where?
Anywhere.
I don't think that's going to work.
It might.
I mean.
We had a barge.
Which is way bigger than that canoe.
And.
You know.
You guys didn't do a lot of rowing.
Oh yeah.
We got to find Tawny.
Yeah.
So we don't have a Tawny.
Um.
So we're going to have to do that rowing.
And.
You remember last time.
When we were about to get.
I want to do a flashback.
We're in the middle of this wave.
Right before the Leviathan.
Uh.
Goes.
And gets us.
And.
I'm just yelling.
And we're all yelling to each other.
I wish we were more prepared.
And then we're just yelling.
Why didn't we prepare?
Oh my God.
Why didn't we prepare?
And then I say.
Remember how much we.
Wished that we would have prepared.
I've got food and water.
That's not all the.
Oh no.
I broke my walkie talkie.
You didn't do that.
Oh no.
It's canon now.
It's canon.
Oh no.
You didn't hold up your side.
Oh.
Well.
I walked back.
I walked back to the.
To the captain.
And he's.
He's.
He's telling a whale of a tale.
And I'm.
Sort of holding my head.
Uh.
Looking dejected.
And that's how I knew.
That I was actually on.
A casserole.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
And I punched one on the shoulder.
A little.
A little too hard.
I see that punch.
And I took that as a sign that.
It's about to go down.
So you start attacking.
No I pull.
I pull.
No I pull the trigger.
All right.
So you shoot one of them.
Yeah.
Okay.
Uh.
Let's see how you do.
Kill that mother.
Not.
Well.
Uh.
They see the blast go off.
But you miss wildly.
Because you're trying to like.
From a canoe.
Try to hit them.
And it doesn't turn out so well.
Uh.
The four.
Turn.
And they see you squish.
Uh.
And they say.
There.
There he is.
There's Chuckles.
Uh.
Get him.
And they all rush to him.
Captain Chuckles.
Chuckles is right here.
I try to wreck one in the head.
As they turn around.
How are you wrecking it?
I.
Bonk him on the head.
Okay.
Let's see what your wreck is.
Probably really good.
You.
You bonk him on the head.
And he just turns.
And uh.
Now.
One of them is going.
Uh.
Towards you.
Captain.
The other three are rushing squish.
Chuckles.
What are you doing?
Uh.
I'm.
Just.
Sort of.
Gonna.
Let this play out.
Okay.
Are you sitting down and watching?
I mean.
I'm just.
Yeah.
I'm just kind of like.
I'm going to take another shot then.
Alright.
At the one that's closest to me.
Okay.
Add the plus one for the rifle.
Oh yeah.
Oh my god.
Uh.
You.
You hit one of the guys.
You don't really take him down.
But he does kind of stumble.
Um.
And uh.
You hit him.
You know.
Kind of like in the shoulder or something.
So he is wounded.
But not dead.
Uh.
The other two catch up with you.
And they're kind of trying to pull you squish out of the boat.
Captain.
Chuckles.
Um.
I'm like.
Standing like.
Okay.
Let's calm down.
And.
I run towards Juckles.
Like.
The actual Juckles.
I guess like.
Dip out.
Like.
Lad.
We need to get out of here.
Look.
I found him.
I found the red man.
He's right there.
And we're going to take him back.
Let's get him.
That's what we were out here for.
I don't think he's going to come willingly.
No.
I don't think so either.
But I'm not going to talk any sense to him.
He won't listen to me.
But we should.
Captain.
There are.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Oh no.
He's not going to listen to me.
But.
I found him guys.
Let's bring him in to the Nelson.
The Nelson.
A palooza.
Nelson Knight.
Two of the men come towards you.
Squish.
They grab you.
And try to.
To lift you up.
Out of the canoe.
I would like to.
Fight against that.
Okay.
Yeah.
He's a fighter.
You got to be.
You got to be ready for that.
Skirmish.
Maybe.
Or if you want to hunt.
If you want to try killing.
Like shooting them.
Or tossing a knife.
Or whatever.
Yeah.
I think they're kind of close.
Yeah.
So I guess it'd be more of a skirmish.
More of a skirmish.
Uh.
Captain.
Chuckles.
You're going to help him.
With this.
Or you're just.
Going to stand and watch.
I'm standing and watching.
I thought the plan.
Was to get captured.
I.
I guess.
Why would that be the plan?
I've got to admit.
I've been flying by the seat of my pants.
We all have been.
But nobody assumed our plan.
Was to get.
Can't.
Nobody should have assumed our plan.
Was to get captured.
I'm not sure.
I didn't.
I don't know.
I feel like I'm sitting pretty here.
Um.
What's around me?
Uh.
So there's one guard.
That's keeping an eye.
On you two.
There's one guard down.
And then.
Squish is currently.
Tussling with two other guards.
Um.
All right.
I guess the best plan is to.
Uh.
Squish.
Give it up.
Why don't you do your dance?
I'm gonna do it when we have the right chance.
All right.
Well.
I'm just gonna fight then.
I failed.
Uh.
Squish.
They.
They manage to.
Uh.
Kind of.
Take you captured.
Uh.
They grab your arms.
And kind of pin you back.
Uh.
They're able to.
To kind of manacle you.
Your arms behind you.
Um.
Yeah.
And.
Uh.
They turn.
And they say.
Two of them turn to you.
And they're like.
I.
To Chuckles and Captain.
They say.
I can't believe you actually led us to him.
Yeah.
Well.
You know.
I can't believe it either.
Well.
You know.
Um.
I just.
You know.
I've had a.
Change of heart.
I.
Feel like.
You're really gonna like these Nelson people.
Right.
When you get.
Like.
When you get to know them.
You're dead.
Will they let me be a captain?
Will they let you be a captain?
Probably.
I need to be a captain.
It's.
Very important to my character.
Yeah.
Well.
They.
Uh.
They lead you all back.
Uh.
They're leading.
Uh.
Squish.
Under capture.
Captain.
Chuckles.
You guys are coming up behind.
And then the one injured guard.
And the regular guard.
Are.
Are following you.
And.
Uh.
Everybody turns.
As.
As Squish is led towards the center altar.
And.
Uh.
The.
The main Nelson is like.
Huh.
You actually kept your word.
I.
I didn't believe you at first.
But.
You two really.
Really proved what family's all about.
Well.
You guys.
Yeah.
Nelson's always.
Pay their debts.
Uh.
So they.
They kind of get squished.
Kind of centered.
And.
Nelson puts one arm.
On captain.
And.
And one arm on chuckles.
And.
And says.
See.
You're really part of a community.
You guys have really decided to join us.
And.
I know you're going to keep our best interest.
In heart.
And.
I know you're always.
You're always going to be there for us.
And so.
I'm going to be here for you.
And.
Throughout everything that.
That.
Contails.
And.
While you guys ready to eat.
I.
Distinctly remember.
You promised me.
Let us do our little dance number.
I.
I have.
An idea.
That I would like to put by you.
Uh.
I guess it works better.
In character.
Out of character.
It's kind of.
No.
This is out of character.
Um.
Can I take my headphones off?
No.
This.
Andy would just get this reference.
More.
But.
Uh.
You know.
Like.
Because we're sitting.
We're standing on either side of Squish.
Right.
And.
Um.
Nelson is in the middle.
And he's got his.
Both hands on our shoulders.
Is that how it's set up?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
I think.
I would like to look over.
Because you have to like.
Put your head over this way.
So you can see.
Each other.
Oh.
And reach over to Boo.
Or not Boo.
To the.
Captain.
And I look at him.
And I go.
Two.
Three.
A countdown.
And like.
Throw my hand up like this.
Oh.
For.
To meet.
The.
Fusion.
Dance.
The dance.
Isn't that how the dance ends?
Because yeah.
They go like that.
Yeah.
But that's not the whole dance.
Can it start that way?
Yeah.
Okay.
So we're going to start dancing.
So you do.
You two are going to do the.
Fusion dance together.
We're just going to start.
We're just going to sneakily.
Let's stand up and start dancing away.
Well.
I'm just going to.
Because I know.
Well.
I know how the dance ends.
So I go like this.
Like in front of Squish.
And I look at the captain.
And I guess he's not doing anything.
And I'm like.
Captain.
Don't leave me hanging here.
Oh.
Come on.
Let me.
Hold on.
Let me try.
And I get up real quick.
And I start doing the dance.
You know.
Huh.
You got to do my stretches.
And I'm still.
Stretches.
And Nelson.
And Nelson's like.
Nelson's staring at you.
And he's like.
I guess I did promise you a dance.
Stretches.
And.
Finger touch.
Duh.
Wow.
And I assume that I'm being filled with.
Electric.
I mean.
So.
As the two of you do your fusion dance.
There's this big clap.
And just.
Whoosh.
Nelson.
Who is in between you.
Because I'm assuming you're doing this over his head.
Right?
Yeah.
Or behind him.
Yeah.
So.
He is caught immediately.
In a burst of flame.
As Hotman.
Whoosh.
Just appears.
Between the center of you two.
And he goes.
Yowza.
That's the first time you both have done it.
Yeah.
I didn't know what that was going to be like.
Hey.
It's like.
It's like you two are my dads.
Wow.
I've never been a dad before.
Progressive.
Hotman.
What?
Go crazy.
Have fun.
Wait.
Let this place on fire.
But not squish.
Not squish.
Squish.
Help.
Or maybe squish.
Squish.
If you can.
If you get around to it.
I don't.
It doesn't.
You know.
Hotman.
Attack.
Captain.
Are you commanding him?
Oh.
I'm totally commanding him.
All right.
Go ahead.
Roll command.
And then.
Get a plus one.
Since you did this with chuckles.
All right.
Juckles.
Plus one.
Woo.
Hooray.
Friendship.
We're lighting this place on fire.
Fire.
So.
Yeah.
Hotman just goes crazy.
He starts blasting this forest.
Into smoke.
Trees start catching fire.
Robes start catching fire.
You just hear Hotman cackling.
Just laughing.
Having a blast.
Squish.
The two guards around you.
Completely like.
They're distracted at this point.
Easily.
You're no longer being contained.
Very well.
Yeah.
And the whole group just starts to scatter.
Into general chaos.
Is there any chance.
That there were going to be fireworks.
At this party.
You know what.
Let's see.
No.
All right.
Um.
I'm trying to think of anything else.
That I could tinker into a bomb.
And that was the only thing.
That I could think of.
So.
I have to use the bathroom real quick.
Can we take a quick break?
Sure.
No.
We will continue without you.
We're going to continue without you too.
Good.
Go on by yourself.
No.
Go on by yourself.
Thank you.
The Nelsonites are just kind of scattering.
It is chaos.
All right.
Should we run back to the boat?
Yeah.
Canoes.
To the canoes.
We're probably going to skip this part.
I guess we could have just went to the canoe at first.
I told you, but you wanted to go and become a part of a family.
This is your doing.
Well...
I didn't know that's what the dance was going to do.
What?
You've seen it several times.
Okay.
I guess I did know what the dance is going to do.
I'm torn.
Well, as you guys try to make towards the canoes, a few of the Nelsonites do start to follow you.
Wait, Tiger.
Or not Tiger.
Juckles, you're torn as whether to come with us or not.
No, I feel like I have to now because I think perhaps this bridge has been burned.
Somebody I'm torn about.
They wanted to kill us.
Not me.
They wanted to make me their king.
I don't think they did.
I don't think they have a king here.
Everything's a Nelson here.
Yeah.
They make you their Nelson.
Yeah.
King Nelson.
There was a...
King full Nelson.
Yeah.
That would have been pretty cool.
No.
I wouldn't be a cabin boy here.
You're not a cabin boy anymore.
We moved past that.
Oh, that's right.
You're my pal.
My good time friend.
You're a cabin man.
All right.
I guess let's go to the boat.
Can I be captain of the boat?
Only if I can be king of the boat.
Agreed.
We're Scooby-Doo running our way over there.
As you do.
Where does that leave for Squish?
I thought you got out.
What are you doing?
I thought you already left us.
I thought you were gone already.
I thought you were in the boat.
I was until you ratted me out and dragged me back here.
We had a whole plan that revolved around, you know, a fire demon.
I heard you say you're flying by the seat of your pants.
The seat of my fire demon pants.
And look how much fun he's having.
He's having a lot of fun.
I feel like it's better to get on his good side.
I feel like Hotman's had more fun in this game than we have.
Yeah.
This game's been a real drag.
No, no.
It's not been a real drag.
It's just Hotman really likes burning things.
And we just let him do whatever the fuck he wants.
We let the chaos monster just do whatever the fuck he wants.
I don't think we've given him a direct order other than just go have fun.
Just knock yourself out.
Even when we brought him up against the Leviathan, I'm like, you know, just shoot him.
Shoot this water beast.
Yeah, you know, you'll be fine.
Yeah, so you guys all start running towards the canoe where you have placed everything.
But as you're running, you hear a familiar cry out in the distance.
What is that noise?
And you start hearing a little monkey hooting.
DeeDee!
Leave him.
And as the fire...
We gotta go.
...forest quickly burns, you see DeeDee hustling it out of the forest.
A little bit of flames on her fur as they're being...
They're like poofing out.
Oh.
She's like...
The monkey was in the trees.
Why didn't we look there?
You were too busy hunting me.
Tawny in the trees?
DeeDee, where's Tawny?
She points back towards the forest and she kind of like...
Oh, that sucks.
He's gone.
He's in the fire.
He must be burnt to a crisp.
Oh, too bad.
Well, at least we have closure.
I follow DeeDee.
I follow Squish.
Squish, get back here!
Why is Squish always doing the opposite of us?
I was ready to move on from Tawny.
I thought his name was Tawny.
I was also ready to become a Nelson.
In fact, I was a Nelson for one glorious moment.
I was loved.
I was scared.
Do you not want to come?
I mean...
All right, I'll come.
All right.
Fine.
DeeDee grabs your arm, Squish, and she kind of starts leading you through the forest.
And you realize this island is much bigger than you realize because you're starting to get further and further and further away from the flames.
And you kind of go into a small clearing.
And there is Tawny.
He's laying there.
His arm has been, like, quickly wrapped up with, like, his shirt.
He looks not great, but he doesn't look terrible.
Like, he's clearly alive, but they've been living rough for a while.
So he's ready for his last rites.
I send thee off, Tawny.
It was good to know you.
Tawny, Tawny, start the plane.
Start the plane.
Plane?
We don't even have a boat.
You don't have a boat?
No.
Wait, where have you guys been?
Long story.
It's not that long.
It's only been, like, a day, I think.
This story will take just as long to tell.
Yeah.
Something about a casserole.
I don't know.
We saw smoke, and Dee Dee took off running.
We thought, well, we kind of assumed where there's smoke, there's you guys.
Smart tape.
All right.
What's the plan?
Where are we going?
They're probably following us.
We got to get to the canoes.
And then to the boat.
The ship.
The Kahuna wave.
It's the only chance we've got.
Tawny's, well, uh, Tawny's like, well, I don't know where there's any canoes, but did you see the, did you see the cave down there?
There's a cave?
I'm not going to know the cave.
Is it fireproof?
Yeah, spelunkin'.
What?
Spelunkin'.
It's like, oh, you know, spelunkin' is cave diving.
Oh, spelunkin'.
I thought I didn't hear.
I thought you were calling it plunkin'.
No, spelunkin'.
Sorry, spelunkin'.
Do you like spelunkin', Squish?
Let's find out.
I'm just learning something new about you, Fad.
That's fascinating.
Not a good time to stop and, uh, find out what's happening about me.
No, Tawny can walk.
He's got legs.
Yeah, and my arm's broken, not my legs.
I'm just assuming you're doing that, like, you're just constantly needing someone to carry you because you're, you know, a shithouse.
I have had a pretty rough time.
You know, I, I just, I just want you guys to remember exactly what's happened.
Okay?
We were almost eaten by cannibals on that one place.
And now, then we had a leviathan.
And you, and he points to you, Squish, you thought it'd be a good idea to just jump in its mouth because that makes sense.
And then you were gonna hit it?
You were gonna nut punch it?
Shuckles?
Well, when you say it all in a row like that.
Have you ever, have you ever seen the genitals of a snake?
I still haven't.
When you, but yeah, I don't know what they look like either.
Yeah.
And then, Captain, all you had to do was get the boat to shore and you crashed it.
I rammed it.
The snake had us in a death grip.
I had to do what I had to.
Your eyes were closed.
You rammed, you rammed a poorly constructed vessel into a multi, let's say hundreds, if not thousands of pounds creature.
All right.
We're leaving, Tawny.
All right, Tawny, you're going into the cave first.
Squish, drop him.
I'm not carrying him.
I'm just saying, we have had a very long streak of poor decision makings.
And then you tell me I'm the bad guy here?
You're making us sound real dumb here.
But have you paid your dues?
No, just reckless.
And he, like, looks at his broken arm and the forest that's in quickly become, you know, smoke is rising and, you know, screams in the background.
He's like, yeah, I think I have.
I haven't seen a check.
He's got you there, Captain.
I'm not seeing any monetary value from this.
Yeah, he didn't ram the garbage into the Leviathan.
When Didi and I, Ari, got landed here, you know, we walked for a while and we found this cave.
And then we went looking for you.
Let's just go to the cave.
That sound like a plan?
All right.
We're cave people now.
What's in the cave?
I don't know.
We didn't go in it.
Oh, okay.
To the cave!
Well, it's either that.
It's either go in the cave, be burned alive, or become Leviathan food.
I say cave.
Real Mexican standoff here.
The fire is very hot.
Man.
So, Tawny leaves you down a path towards the sand, and indeed there is a cave.
It's a cave with three openings.
And, yeah, you guys are looking at it, right?
Yeah.
Not another decision.
Oh, my God.
You really got to scroll in there.
Oh, it's a really big picture.
It's huge.
Oh.
Wait, I have the caves?
Well.
Wait.
What is Trimus Follow doing here?
No, that was a mistake.
Oh.
I really, really wanted to beat up on that herd.
At least he wouldn't talk back to Tawny.
All right.
Which cave are we going in, boys?
I always like the metal things.
Metal one.
The middle things?
Are you saying you picked me in the middle of two other short, angry, smelly men?
Don't stretch the metaphor that far.
I'm just saying if I had to choose between three things, I'm going to pick the one in the middle.
All right.
Fair.
It's a classic.
It's a classic captain's trick.
I say we go to the one on the right.
Yeah, I think.
I say.
The one on the left.
What do you want?
Oh.
If I had to pick, I guess.
Well, I think the middle one.
It looks like Tawny's going to break the tie.
And I start walking towards the middle one.
Split the party.
I'm going to follow Dee Dee wherever Dee Dee goes.
Dee Dee refuses to enter the cave.
Oh.
That's not a good sign.
Yeah.
As you try dragging her towards the entrance, she starts kind of screaming.
And I'm like, no.
No.
And I pulls her arm back and puts her little chimpanzee brakes on and refuses to enter the cave.
And Tawny's like, yeah.
Yeah.
I tried to enter the cave earlier.
Thought.
Nice idea.
Get out of the sun.
Won't go in it.
I don't think we should go in this cave anymore.
Well, it's either that, be burned alive, or become Leviathan food.
I want to fight the Leviathan.
Of course you do.
I'm obsessed.
There's three choices.
You pick the fourth one.
Obsessed with killing the Leviathan.
I bet you he's in that cave.
He might be in the middle cave.
I'm already in the middle cave.
I'm just stalking my way through.
Captain, once you enter the middle cave, you kind of walk in as you know, you're like, I'm
going to do the middle cave.
I don't care what you guys say.
You walk in there.
You walk in there, and then your voice just kind of cuts off.
I'm going to the middle cave.
I think it looks the best.
Huh.
Oh, my God.
It's never been so quiet.
It's kind of nice.
It's really enjoyable.
Also, maybe let's not go in the middle cave.
Yeah.
Tawny, go check out the right cave.
No.
This seems like something I'm not doing on my own.
All right.
My arm is broken.
I'm going to go in the left cave and see what's going on over there.
Will Didi go into any of the caves?
She's kind of refusing, but she will eventually, if you kind of persist, yeah, she will go in
the cave with you.
Well, then I walk into the right.
Okay.
So, Chuckles, you said you're going to do the left one?
Yeah.
Yep.
We all went in separate caves.
Separate caves.
Yeah.
So, Chuckles, as you go into the left cave, again, you start walking.
And from the outside, it sounds like you just completely disappear.
Squish, Tawny, and Didi can no longer hear you.
Squish, when you start entering your cave, whatever side you picked, you know, you take
Didi by the hand.
She kind of slips her hand into yours and kind of walks with you through the cave.
And as you enter the mouth of the cave, all three of you have seen the same thing.
You have just seen a dark cave that gets more and more narrow as you enter.
It starts to get pitch black.
And then at some point, as you enter the cave, Squish, you no longer feel Didi's hand on your own.
No!
I start walking back.
Didi!
The cave, when you turn, the cave kind of just seems to almost, like, reorient itself.
So, it almost stretches behind you.
So, the large opening filled with sunshine that you saw before is now gone.
And on either side of you is just long, dark cave.
Sorry, you froze.
Did I?
Yeah.
Well, I mean...
Yeah, I heard it.
And I'm terrified.
Can you repeat it?
No.
Uh, when...
So, when you turn to talk to...
To call Didi back, instead of seeing the opening, the mouth of the cave, the cave just seems to extend.
And you're in the middle of a long, dark tunnel.
Oh.
Can I light a fire?
Sure.
I will light a fire, a torch.
Uh, you light your fire, and, uh, all that illuminates is just cave wall.
Dark cave wall, with one path forward and one path behind you.
*music plays*