welcome back to the vagina caves
this cave it's very feminine in nature
that makes me feel more at home I guess
is that canonical?
no it's not I've just been staring at it for like the last 15-20 minutes
you've been staring at a vagina for 20 minutes?
yeah and then the vagina looked back
I've never seen the inside
of a woman
hey tiger that thing you sent me
there's a noise suppression should I press that?
yeah probably
I'll try that
for the recording
alright
okay
y'all good?
I think so
alright
yeah I think we're good
let me pull up the
the old reading here
hold on
I love when you guys send the clips
that's like my favorite part of Wednesday at 5 o'clock
where are my memes?
I sent a text to Brandon
I was like
no clips?
so he's getting it from everywhere
I have to do work sometime
I know
there was
some insightful analysis
character analysis too
was it insightful?
I mean I didn't realize it
but it makes total sense
what?
juggles
that
he
he's incredibly impressionable
oh yeah
do you listen to that whole
you listen to the whole last thing
he just
went along
right away
at the
drop of casserole
that wasn't
it wasn't the casserole
it was that
she said
do you want to have a family
and so he said yes
oh
well
the captain only saw
that you went for casserole
and I did want casserole
I didn't let you
you're welcome
well I guess it worked out
in this case
yes
for old juggles
all right
this is the
Bon Voyage Bulletin
special edition
last issue
an unpleasant dinner party
after a tough battle
with the Leviathan
our crew woke up
to find themselves
on an island
inhabited by friendly
Midwesterners named Nelson
Nelson and his wife
Nelsa
welcomed the crew
to their home
with a warm fruit casserole
and invitation to dinner
Squish ate the entire thing
after being tipped off
by one of the Nelsons
to avoid the food
Squish regurgitated his meals
Chuckles joined the Nelsons
for a short pre-dinner play date
and while Captain
was keeping watch
he was captured
Squish stayed ashore
but the two rapscallions
turned on their friend
and led him towards
certain death
but wait
shy of surprise
Chuckles and the captain
performed an excellent
fusion dance
and lit Nelson
the Nelsons
and the entire
forest aflame
Sweet Dee Dee found them
and led them to
deeper in the forest
where Tawny waited
all bit bruised
and broken
the three found a cave
and seeing no way out
descended forward
however they go in alone
what awaits our crew
in the dark
what is the end
what is at the end
of the tunnel
and will this finally
be the last episode
of the adventures
of the junk for boys
please
end it
for my god's sake
this is taking so long
I did tell
it's episode 20 today
it is
it's a good
nice round number
if we actually finish
right
there's always a chance
that we go on
for 10 more episodes
as we stumble
through this cave
this vagina cave
apparently
is this a Shia LaBeouf
reference
Shia surprise
I don't remember
there's a gun
into his head
and death in his eyes
uh yeah
so you uh
just to kind of
remind you
of where you were
ah yes
we all went
in separate holes
yes you all
went in separate holes
uh
Squish you went
with Dee Dee
but uh
you lost
she kind of
she were holding hands
when you walked in
but uh
her hand kind of
slipped from yours
but yes
you were all
inside their cave
along the path
and uh
walking towards
inevitable
darkness
who wants to go
first
where did Tawny go
Tawny stayed
outside of the cave
oh
I imagine he's like
Yoda just sitting
out there
I know
he's pretty pissed
because you guys
wanted to leave him
and then kill him
and he broke his arm
and he just
doesn't
think he's done
with uh
with his internship
well
it was kill him
leave him
and then kill him
and then leave him
yes
some of those
with a broken arm
all right
let's make this fair
everyone just do
one
one roll
one dice
to see who goes
first
highest score wins
or loses
yeah I guess
does it matter
what roll type
right in the middle
nah just one
hell yeah
suck it
major success
you're gonna die
first
all right
chuckles
you can go first
getting in that
chuckle
as you start
to walk
into the forest
into the cave
uh you come
into an opening
um and the cave
is getting a little
bit wider
but what you notice
is that it's just
black
it's just
entirely black
on the inside
and uh
from a distance
you can hear
a familiar voice
calling to you
holy shit
it's black in here
chuckle
is that
is that you
it is me
it's the voice
of your uncle
skyluck
oh
chuckle
i i can't
see you
are you
i
where are you
i'm
in
a
moist
cave
it's dark
why did you have
to stay moist
i can't see you
but i can't
cause
and then you
you hear him
kind of like
slap the walls
and he's like
oh
it is pretty wet
in here
isn't it
wait
are you
in here
or are you
just in my head
no i'm in here
look
and he uh
you see a little
light appear
and across a very
large cavern
uh is your uncle
he's like standing
up against a ledge
cause there's a
pretty big pit
down between
the two of you
oh my god
am i so glad
to see you
i thought that
i was imagining you
you know
like a sensory
deprivation thing
but now that i see
you're real
i am so glad
you're here to
save me now
how ironic
i don't think so
i don't know
how i got here
but um
i don't think
i can i can
move
oh so i do
have to save
you again
well yeah
i mean you have
to figure out
something right
all right
i and uh
and as he takes
a little step
forward you kind
of hear this
like cracking
and like this
like sound
of like pebbles
hitting the ground
and he's like
oh oh this is
definitely gonna
collapse
um what do you
mean i don't
want you to
i don't want you
to panic
i don't want you
to worry
um but the
fastest you
can figure me
out of here
i i would
appreciate it
all right
what so
there's this
big chasm
in between us
all right
is there anything
around me
to tinker
uh roll
roll a survey
roll
see if you
can find
anything
survey
yikes
you have zero
in survey
i have zero
in everything
except tinker
you should have
tried to tinker
and
try to tinker
some way
to see
something to
tinker
so what
what are you
using over there
for light
is it
fire
is it
perhaps
a lightsaber
or something
else
technological
no it's
it's
it's just a
candle see
and he pulls
out like a
little candle
on one of
those old
fashioned like
holders
but he's
like uh
but as you
do look around
the cave
you do see
a handful
of things
um but
they're all
very old
and decrepit
so you see
like like the
remains of maybe
of like a
mining operation
there's like
some rusted
out buckets
and some
really frayed
rope and
maybe some
broken down
uh boards
but nothing
that's very
useful to you
how big is
this chasm
it's not
so big
that it's
like massive
but it's not
something you
could just
jump over
either
all right
so it's
at least
two
chuckles
at least
two people
it's two
chuckles
big
okay
oh boy
that's gonna
be tough
i don't
think i'm
gonna be
able to
jump over
there
um
hmm
this looks
like it
used to
be some
kind of
mine
possibly i
mean i
is that
is that like
a yeah that's
a card over
there uh
yeah i i
think so i
have a bigger
question of where
the hell i
came from
yeah i've
always wondered
that about
you
well you
know family
family well
i'm not sure
we're biologically
related i think
we've established
that so it
was less
weird uh i
wonder where
my friends
are do you
hear them
no no but
we went into
the cave
together kind
of but
very very
separately
wait my
walkie-talkie
you broke
it
hold on
sorry
it's still
broken
perhaps
the plot
moves forward
i did actually
glue it back
together so
perhaps you
can tinker
it back
together
perhaps i
can tinker
some sort
of flying
machine
if only
i had
access to
my lab
which
now is at
the bottom
of the ocean
uh can i
i would like
to try and
tinker my
life back
into my
walkie-talkie
sure
i imagine
you keep
like spare
parts just
kind of on
you at all
times you
know like a
little cog a
little like you
know wire here
and there
well that and
the foil in
the pack of
my cigarettes
and various
detritus
skylock sees you
taking out this
pack of cigarettes
and he goes
when did you
start smoking
what no these
are my friends
i'm holding
on to
them
these are
not mine
they are my
friends and
they are a
very very
compulsively
behaved monkey
well i think
that's a
resounding
success
now it
flies
it's a drone
a fly
walkie-talkie
yeah so your
walkie-talkie
works
hello
hello is this
thing on can
anyone hear me
anybody
when
now who has
the other
walkie-talkie
i do
squish
when you walk
into the cave
you're actually
greeted by just
kind of like
lights all around
you just kind
of like
like candle
flames just
flash on
and you are
back at the
golden plume
uh as you
walk in it's
kind of like
you're you as
you you walk
into this room
and the cave
behind you
disappears and
it's a busy
night at the
at the golden
plume uh you
see waiters
bustling back
and forth the
people of
dusk of all
are out there
uh it's the
busiest this
restaurant has
ever been
you've ever
seen it
um and in
your pocket you
kind of hear
like a muffled
like you know
squish squish
you can hear the
walkie-talkie
but it's not
super loud um
and uh
chef roselle
comes up to
you and she's
like what are
you doing
you need to
get in the
kitchen we're
so far behind
do you not
see the open
house that we
have i thought
you fired me
fired you you're
my best chef now
get in there go
and she kind of
pushes you into
the kitchen i'm
weary about it
looking around
going this can't
be right there's
no way this
happened uh once
you get into the
kitchen uh the
orders are just
starting to stack
up you can
see that there's
just like tickets
upon tickets
everywhere um
and like the
sous chefs and
everyone assistants
around you starts
getting you prepped
they start handing
you vegetables and
plates and things
like that i don't
know a kitchen
whatever happens
i start doing some
prep work to get
to get them prepared
for this busy night
still very confused
and looking around
and weary of
everything
all right now
captain
yeah you
you ran into the
cave uh but
instead of finding
anything you're just
kind of like it's
just a long tunnel
for you um and as
you're running uh you
kind of stop and uh
you see like a pool
of water and you see
this reflection and
it's your reflection
right but it's
kind of staring back
at you it's like one
of those that it's
like it's your
reflection but also
it's like staring
back at you like
what the fuck
stop mocking me
yeah
yeah and uh you
kind of hear neelix
you hear neelix's
voice from a distance
that's like is there
anything you require
sir neelix is that
you yes uh you you
hear neelix but you
cannot see him how'd
you get out of your
bottle
well it's uh it's a
long story sir uh
are you requiring
anything yeah uh a
way out of this cave
there's a fire
behind me and i
need to get to the
bottom of this cave
all right uh you
the the path ahead
of you kind of
diverts into three
sections there's left
right and forward
which direction are
you gonna go
as i said in the
last session in the
last session all
great sailors take
the middle way
although she did
say left right and
forward meaning right
is in the middle
it's it's like you
know one to either
side and one path
continuing in the
center i'm going in
the center all right
what do i have to
roll roll center you
haven't done anything
yet really i mean
besides run i mean do
you want to see how
well you run no no
no navigation it's it's
not well uh back to
you chuckles uh the
the area around um
skylock is starting to
crumble just a little
bit more and he goes
is there is there
anything you can do
do you anything you
can you can throw over
here or a rope or
anything uh i can
throw this cart uh and
i i'm attempting to
throw the cart
okay go ahead and
throw the cart
i feel like that
would be wrecked
wreck that cart
wreck my stomach
uh i throw the cart
i'd have wrecked that
cart
what does the cart do
you take the cart and
uh you toss it into the
pit and it collapses
uh in in front of you
uh revealing that there
is kind of this like
rope well intact rope
that was sitting behind
the cart
uh yes why didn't i
think of looking behind
the cart wait did
did uh what happened
with my radio did it
not work
so it did uh react to
squid or like it did
connect with squish but
it's uh it the cave kind
of interferes with sound
and also you know he's in
uh he's in chef roselle's
restaurant speaking of uh
squish uh how are you
preparing for tonight's
dinner
uh i'm just getting making
sure that all the stations
are set up and that they
have anything and i'm
asking chef roselle what's
what's necessary what do
we need right now on the
fly
she's like use your brain
what do you mean what do
we need right now can't you
see uh we've got three
specials that need to go
out the fish isn't a
fraud none of the
vegetables have been
blanched i mean is this
your first time squish ever
being in a restaurant what
are you doing and uh you
know plates are starting to
kind of stack up tickets are
stacking up the
assistants around you're
kind of getting miffed and
like looking at you you
kind of feel like this is
the you know one of those
bad dreams where you're
trying to take an exam that
you completely forgot about
and you're naked
sure and you're naked
you're naked in the kitchen
that's gonna be a
violation
it's never advised to go
naked in a kitchen lots of
burns
lots of health
chef rosell says you're
such a great chef that's
all you do is all you do is
cook that's all you're
focused on and and i have to
be the one to tell you what
to do come on get it
together i start making the
squishy boom boom sauce
okay
and that's all i focus on
um and then i remember after i
complete the squishy boom boom
sauce i remember oh yeah she
said the fish hasn't
thawed so i go into the
the cooler or the freezer to
pull it out and that's when i
hear
my
calm
and i go oh yeah so i pull it
out and go hello
oh
hello
who is this
who is this saying who is
this
who's this saying who is
this who's saying who is
this
it's juggles
oh juggles
it's squish
wait are you in a bad dream
too
i don't know if it's a dream
i think so but i'm getting
yelled at i'm back at the
plum
oh i thought you were fired
that's what i thought and then
she just yelled at me to get
back to work
ah classic classic red what's
her name i forgot
olga
roselle
yeah
i've been calling her
crandall
where are you
uh well i guess my dream is
hanging out with my uncle
uh and i just threw a cart
into a big hole which i thought
was really
it's not a moist dream is it
it
it's surprisingly
moist in here
uh
yeah
is it moist over there
it's a kitchen yeah
okay
um
are there any weapons
i mean it's a kitchen so
yeah
okay
good
plenty of knives
plenty of flammable things
i made squishy boom boom
sauce so i got that
right but we're not sure that
it's real yet
uh what
is the word on the
captain
i haven't heard
anything
we probably should have made
another one of these
we didn't
there was time was of the essence
we were being eaten by a fish
not when we made these
you're right
uh
okay
well
i'm not sure where you are in time
or space
but it's good to know you're still
alive
yeah have you seen dd
what the monkey
the ape
yes
no but i have a pack of his
cigarettes he's gonna be
fucking pissed
she will be very mad
she will go looking for those
i want a
what you want me to send a dd trap
yeah
light the cigarette
and see if the tobacco
brings dd
send her back and forth
with a
intricate system of
yeah it's like the mailbox
or the lake house
what is that movie
the one
the lake house i think
the one where the guy dies
oh it's one where
it's the one where they put uh
it's a
mailbox is a time machine
whoa
that sounds like a spoiler
i mean it's the premise
of the movie
i'm pretty sure it's revealed
relatively early
although
isn't every post
or you know
mailbox a time machine
if you really think about it
yeah
with time traveling
and a one-to-one ratio
right
yes
and always forwards
yes
i'm assuming you guys
are still in character
for this
like you guys are just having
this long chat in your dreams
like
it's like you guys ran into
each other in your dreams
that's weird
all right
gotta go
gotta save my uncle
but stay on this channel
your uncle's there
yeah
uncle's clock
you remember him
not in a very pleasant way
but yeah
make sure you get his money
that's not a very nice thing
to say about a handicapped man
you're not having moist dreams
about him
listen
my dreams aren't moist
the cave is moist
you're the one
that went to a conjugal visit
for him
it was platonic
we've been over this
that's just a visitation
you specifically requested conjugal
so i could touch him
and then i hang up
what the fuck
does that even mean
and i grab the fish to go thaw it
all right
uh
after your conversation
captain you are obviously oblivious
to all of this
you're just been scooby-doing it
through the cave
uh
you get
to uh
you run through
the
the path that you are
and you realize
when you stop
you're in the exact
exact position
as you were before
you ran forward
and you ran through
a cave hallway
and you landed back
in the same spot
and neelix
you hear neelix's voice
is there
and there's the reflection
still staring at you
in this pool of water
kind of mean mugging you
uh
and he goes
uh
back again so soon sir
uh
neelix
not the reflection
i kick my reflection
and say
stop judging me
and uh
and i'm like
the reflection
does this
like it's funny
in my mind
out of character guys
i
you guys realize
it's a dream
a captain is too drunk
to raise
it's not a dream
oh i don't think
mine is a dream
oh no
oh okay
i've only started
to catch on
because uh
squish was so
adamant that his
was a dream
and i'm starting
to question my existence
but yeah you're not
even at the
questioning stage yet
no i'm kicking
the reflections of
myself
when you kick
the reflection of
yourself
he does one of
these and then
he kind of like
you know
like it but
in the way
that you would
so he's kind
of drunk
and he's like
you know
you want to fight
you want to go
excellent impression
i throw a bottle
of whiskey
into the water
and start walking
away into the
back into the
tunnel
uh which direction
uh this time
left
all right
so you take
a left
uh when you
throw your bottle
of whiskey
into the reflection
uh into the
pool uh the
reflection like
catches it on
the other side
he opens it up
and starts drinking
that kind of
reflection
so you head
off to the
left uh
chuck uh
yeah chuckles
we'll go back
to chuckles
what are you
up to
uncle i've
found a rope
oh that's
excellent
uh charles
zander excellent
uh well i guess
toss it
well i mean i'm
gonna hold on to
one end i will
toss you the
other
all right i
see what i mean
then i'll pull
you over here
and
are you
i'm
i'm not a very
heavy gentleman
i'm quite frail
but are you sure
you can hold
me no i'm
not but i
guess otherwise
you're gonna be
crushed so you're
either gonna be
crushed you're
gonna fall in that
pit or i'll save
you and he like
looks around him
and like his
space is getting
smaller and
smaller and he's
like i i suppose
so is there is
there nothing you
could tie the
rope off to
oh wow you're
the idea man here
uh yes wait no i
threw it in the car
in the cavern
also maybe the
cart wouldn't
have been the
best thing to
tie it to
is there still
cart rails
perhaps a
track of
iron
yeah there's a
small track of
iron
all right i
will do oh
can i do a
flashback
yes my
flashback
includes more
uh bonding
with the
captain
who uh he
saw me you
know what was
i doing i don't
know fumbling
around with uh
ah my shoes i
never really learned
how to tie my
shoes so i was
fumbling around
with my shoes and
the captain he saw
me he's like you
don't know how to
tie your shoes
lad and i was
you don't know how
to tie your shoes
lad and i was
let me i know
but could you still
show me of
course of
course over
under and
through that's
how charles
zander ties his
shoe and i do a
little little
bow knot do you
do a rhyme for
everyone you teach
to tie their
shoes that's the
one that that my
captain taught me
when i was young
uh i he also
he also is he
then goes on a
long long rant
about all the
different knots he
knows how to tie
oh yeah sailor's
knots uh fincher's
knots uh you know
there's a the uh
what's the one that
sir nick denardo
told me uh the
uh polymer knot he
loves that knot
uh yeah there's so
many knots a lot of
them i probably just
made up
interesting and oh
yes so i use one of
these polymer knots to
tie the uh the rope
uh because he it's
sounded like the
strongest and i
assume he taught me
how to do the
polymer knot and he
didn't forget
no i didn't forget
so it's a strongest
knot i tied to the
rail uh to anchor
it and don't ever
forget the last thing
i told you is like
that's the polymer
knot don't ever
forget it lest you
not
and as i'm tying it
i'm repeating myself
lest you not lest you
not lest you not
and uh all right
then i i'd like to
toss the rope to my
dear friend and uncle
uncle
uncle skylock
uncle sky skylock
uh for for a moment
it did the rope
doesn't quite make it
you know you can tell
it's maybe like losing
some height but he
like reaches out and
with his abnormally
very long because he's
a very lanky dude he
catches it kind of
teeters for a second
and then leans back
and he um he holds on
to this rope and he's
like what now
do i just hold on to
it or do do i tie it
around myself or
hmm yes wait let me
teach you the knot and
the student shall become
the master
wow tie it around
yourself
and i impart on him the
wisdom of the polymer
knot lest you not
yes oh and you hear
skylock over under
through a loop and
that what was the
what was the rhyme
over under and
through that's how
that's how
that's how skylock
ties his shoes
yeah yes and i
personalize that song
every single time i
teach it
he uh he tightens it
and he's like well
you i remember as a
lad you were never
very good at tying your
shoes but uh all
right and
ties it
pretty tight
you're always
bringing up
embarrassing stories
you weren't good at
tying your shoes now
take my fortune to go
to college
and you never had to
making some rc
athlete
all right now
hmm i will pull you up
here
yes this should work
and not
crack you in half
probably
all right
here it goes
on three
uh squish
uh squish uh over in
the kitchen
i'm gonna do a
flashback as well
all right
i'm not teaching you
how to tie your shoe
to squish
no no this is
this is just squish
um on the island
flashback with
yourself
yeah
can't you include
any of us
no please
it's a very very
small flashback that
would have been over
by now if you shut
up
all right i shut
up
thanks
um back on the
the island uh
before juckles went
away with his new
family
he threw down his
top hat
oh no
you yes you did
i thought you
knocked it off of
my head
no you threw
it down
oh i don't
remember that
yeah continue
clearly you didn't
listen back
i did
i thought you
were gonna shut
up
oh yeah i shut
up
okay anyway the
hat fell on the
ground
and uh after
after captain got
taken and i ran
away when i ran
back to go to the
docks i saw it
and i picked it up
and i kept it with
me ever since
so that's the
end of the
flashback really
but when i'm about
to walk out of the
freezer with the
fish i take my
chef hat off
throw it on the
ground i put the
top hat on
and then i go to
the expo station
and i start leading
people on how to
get through the
rush
um as you're
leading people uh
chef rosewell kind
of barges back in
and and she looks
at
uh what you're
doing and she's
like i didn't tell
you to defrost the
fish the steak
needs to come out
the steak is what
we're serving
tonight what are
you doing and
you have all these
people just just
what are they're
not at their
stations come on
man we got to
get together we
got to work on
this no you get
back out there and
entertain the people
it's your restaurant
you have to be the
face of it let me
control back here
but this is your
food that's going
out what am i
gonna say oh
chef roselle made
by squish no you
take credit for
it why won't
you because it's
your restaurant it's
your name on it not
mine she kind of
rushes out again um
and the uh the
rest of the um
staff are still
listening to you but
they're also kind of
watching the door to
see if chef roselle
comes back through
and i yell at them
and don't worry about
her just listen to
me and we'll get
through this and
holy water on me
tonight yeah you
know the whole
staff staff cheers
and uh they're kind
of in better spirits
um captain uh you
run back into that
same area you've
been to before so
now you've gone
forward you've gone
left uh and it's
the same location
uh and this time in
the reflection there
are two of your
reflection and they
like look at you as
you walk in and they
start to laugh and
point like clearly
they've been making
fun of you and you
just walked in at the
right moment uh and
you hear hear neelix
say um is there
anything bothering
you sir yes this
pool of water is
mocking me and i
like keep i like i
take my frock coat
off and i throw it
that at the water
you know and whiskey
bottles just pop out
yeah and then i and
then i start running
towards the uh the
left the left
tunnel
the left yeah oh
which one did i go
last time what's the
last tunnel i'm going
down i mean you went
left and straight i'm
going right and you're
just gonna keep running
i'm just gonna keep
running i uh i don't
know this this uh
haunted pool is freaking
me out and uh i don't
like that they're mocking
me and uh yeah i'm uh
i'm a man damn it and i
will not be mocked by
uh by a puddle of
water are you telling
me that are you telling
the puddle that is that
in character out of
character that's like an
interior monologue okay
so you head to the right
uh chuckles as uh as
you watch kind of somewhat
in horror uh skylock makes
skylock sky skylock makes
this sort of like pathetic
leap into the air and he
just barely barely gets
about halfway into the pit
and he just drops uh and
you hear him kind of hit the
side uh and and scramble and
you look over the edge and
there's skylock just kind of
dangling off the side of the
cliff with this rope skylock
can you move your feet and you
see his legs kind of just
splay on either side of him
yes
can you move your fingers
all right great you are have
not been snapped in half now
let's pull your bony ass up
here
and uh and you see him he
grabs his arms but he's like
he has he's a skeleton
essentially he has no upper arm
strength
do i have upper arm strength
do you i'm trying i'm pulling
i'm pulling like hell
okay uh do you want to finesse
this pull
uh let's see there's no like
see
there's no like there's nothing
like a strong like strength so i
guess finesse maybe
although i'm probably better at
wreck
but i don't really want to
jerk him up
partial uh you're able to grab
the rope and you start pulling
uh skylock up but neither one of
you is particularly strong um and
uh so it's slow going and it's
very difficult um and you're
pulling and as you're pulling
you know skylock's face is
getting closer and closer to you
into this pit
um but then uh as you're noticing
this rope is is starting to fray
oh that's not good
and it's getting thinner
and thinner
uh squish
you have got the troops rallied around
you
yes
i do
imagine you just opening up your
eyes like
man there's a bunch of people
waiting for a speech
it's just like oh shit where am i
no um
far ahead
i never thought i'd get this far
but yeah so i start yelling at the
saute station you know fire this
fire that
and then i look at the grill station
go hey i need this steak for table
14
now it's it's medium rare with a
uh
bernese sauce and
and roasted potatoes
with uh steamed asparagus
and i start yelling at different stations
to get them under control to get these
tickets out in time
to make chef roselle
look good
uh are you kind of like
trying to command them to
to do this like
you're giving them orders
are you like
yeah
how
yeah
i would say it's more of a hunt
how well you do
it is more of a hunt
no uh
it is definitely
i don't have any command though
so this is not gonna go well
no it could go well
it didn't get any worse
it didn't
um you know they're really trying to do what you say
but you realize this is like a very nervous and very anxious crowd
so they're making mistakes
they're spilling the sauce
they're burning the meat
um you know they're trying their best to right this ship
but uh things are quickly going up in smoke
and roselle slams the door open again
and she comes in and she looks at this and she's like
you know you say it's my restaurant
and it's my responsibility here
and all yeah all i see around here is just failure
i don't see anything
i don't see any progress here
uh what are you doing
you're supposed to be my head chef
and and and and look at this
and she picks up some sauce
and she shows you it's all kind of brown and crispy
and stuck to the pan
she goes what do you what do you make of this
and she throws it back down
onto the onto the oven
okay well then i pick up
the chef hat i threw on the ground
shove it into her face
and say i quit
and then i walk out the back door
okay
uh when you walk out the back door
uh it kind of snaps
and you're back in the cave
okay
dd
uh
dd
uh captain
you run back
this is the third time you've looped around
there are three men in the pool
and they're just watching you
and they're just like
i reach down into the pool
and pull back out my frock coat
and go
i
i know who i am
i could
i want to be the man in the frock coat
i don't
maybe i don't have to be
adric fitzclyde
i could be just
i could just be like
i could just be the captain
and that you know
and i'm looking at my frock
and i'm looking at
what are the three guys doing
when i say this
because i'm kind of like losing
are they wearing frocks
they are wearing frock coats
what color
um but after you make
they are red
uh they're just
they look like him
they look exactly like
what he's wearing
um but uh
when you make your speech
and you look down
there's nothing
in the puddle of water
except your whiskey bottle
that you tossed in earlier
i grabbed that
yoink
i
am
i'm the captain
and i stand up
and i uh
i go walk towards
the middle way again
all right
uh chuckles
uh you're holding on
to this rope
that is slowly fraying
and you see skylock there
uh and he uh
he's like
you're not gonna let me fall
right
no absolutely not
i couldn't live without you
are you saying that
or are you just saying that
to make me feel better
i'm not sure that
such serious language
would make you feel better
i feel like it might
make you feel more scared
and i regret saying it
and now it's really awkward
it's okay
i mean
it's it's fine
just you know
pull
i'm pulling
i'm a pulling
and i'm
really
pulling
on my uncle
pulling his rope
phrasing
we're not doing
that anymore
um
the harder
you pull
on this rope
though
the more
it starts fraying
and fraying
and kind of getting
looser
and looser
and uh
skylak looks up at you
and he's like
you know
i really
enjoyed all the time
we had together
no you're not dying
we're not doing this
and
is he close enough
where i can
like lean over
and grab him
like his arm
yeah i think so
all right so
i'm gonna drop to my
you know like on my chest
and reach down
and try and
grab his arm
you know for the last
couple feet
and pull him up
uh
are you just kind of like
just pulling him
and jerking
no more
no more finesse
well
i mean i'm really just
trying to grab anything
because i'm
not sure how far down he is
and
he's starting
to give up
and i feel like maybe
he's losing strength
and i
just
need to pull him up
is he still holding
onto the candle
or is it just
pitch dark
in here
i think he left
the candle
on the other side
right
strategically
so he could still see
right
of course
retcon
yeah
flashback
he left
the candle
left the candle
smart
he should go to college
uh
you
you grab onto
your uncle
you're able to make
contact with him
and you pull
and you kind of
pull him up
kind of
it's very awkward
though
because you're just
basically just like
pulling him
and standing up
yeah
you know
it's
it's very
it is very awkward
and uh
once uh
once skylock
gets on the other
side
uh
he puts a hand
on your shoulder
and uh
he goes
i always knew
thought you were
a good nephew
despite what
everyone else said
what's that
supposed to mean
not sure
this definitely
wasn't a dream
though
and the candle
snuffs out
and you blink
and you're back
in the cave path
uncle
where
are you
answer me
no answer
there's
there's uh
no answer
in the cave
wow
it's a
just a
big waste
do i even
have an uncle
i
i pull up
uh
my walkie talkie
squish
hello
come in
squish
who is this
this is
juckles
it's squish
over
i squish
over
uh
please give me
you can't say
over then keep
talking
over
i'm i'm new
to this
over
you're not
how is it going
over there
um
i quit
the restaurant
after i thought
i got fired
you got fired
you were glad
you weren't fired
you worked
and then quit
yes
now i'm back
in this moist
cave
you loved
that place
yeah
you said you
wanted to buy
it someday
yeah
well i own
another one
fine
yeah a much
much shittier
one
that i will
make better
not the point
how's it going
with you
a much uglier
person
how is it going
with you
uh it turned out
my uncle was just
a dream even though
he did tell me he
wasn't a dream
but i think he was
a dream
but you loved
your uncle
yeah but i'm not
sure if my uncle
is going to be able
to tie his shoes
now because i may
have just taught
a ghost him how
to tie his shoes
and not the real
uncle
and so i'm worried
about him
that he could be
somewhere right now
on his shoelaces
the guy's like
500 years old
i'm sure he knows
how to tie his shoes
that's a good question
i don't know how old
he is
doesn't matter
he looks decrepit
i'm sure he can
tie his shoes
or he can pay
someone to tie his
shoes
that all of a sudden
got really
really mean
and judgmental
that's the least
of your worries
all right fine
a long story
made short
i'm in a cave
is it moist
still moist
okay
all right
what happens
if you walk
forward
i didn't
try that
as you say
that
as you guys
say that
both of you
walk forward
and you're still
kind of like
arguing on your
walkie-talkies
and you turn
as you exit
this particular
area and you
enter a new
cavern
you turn
and you're
two right
next to each
other
what
chuckles
swish
chuckles
swish
spill into
this
mic
swish
juggles
and then i turn
and i see you
and i say oh my god
you're right there
is that you
i give you a big hug
and i imagine i'm much
smaller than you
so i only come up like
halfway up your chest
and i hug you like
you know
a small person
i'm still kind of weary
but i go is that really
you
i don't know
i take off the hat
and i put it on his
head
it's my size
wait
it's my hat
it is your hat
is my lucky onion
still in there
i i left the lucky
onion in there
it's a spring onion
captain
captain uh
you uh
as you leave your
old
the old path
you also
walk into the same
cavern and you
see this embrace
who is that
who
what's going on here
oh no this is
definitely a dream
this hug's going on
a little long
before you get started
go hey juckles
yes
juckles
you want to fuck with him
he
oh we probably
no
he's really fragile
which is going to
make this hilarious
exactly
and gullible
yes
exactly
yes okay
all right
follow my lead
okay
all right
i turn to look at
captain and go
who
who are you
it's me
the captain
the
captain of what
of the kahuna wave
of
of course
and who
who are you
i'm pointing at
how did you know
my
that's not my name
what's going on
and
have you guys
and who
have you been
bewitched
am i drunk again
is that person red
is this cave haunted
no
i
i have
i have no idea
who you two are
i live in this case
both haunted
and very moist
and i
i point at the
the lion
on captain schiller
and go
he looks familiar
it's
it's our
old buddy
paul
squish
it's me
the captain
i don't know
who you're calling
squish
who are you
what's going on
who am i
i think i'm the
captain
no i'm the
captain
i'm the captain
are you sure
i'm a captain
i think i'm a
captain
neelix pops up
and he's like
i think they're
sir oh
sorry hold on
having slight
problems here
with the tree
neelix pops up
and he's
he's you know
a little flat
face and he's
like i think
they're messing
with you sir
are you lads
messing with me
yeah
yes
oh
jungles and
squish
and i want to
give them both
a big hug
and pull them
back together
lads lads
lads
i want to say
something
i may not
know what i'm
doing most of
the time
but i want you
to know
i'm trying to
be the best
damn captain
i can possibly
be
i will do my
best
and i'm
sorry
it's
things are a
bit new for
me
and you know
someone's gotten
into the gin
no i'm just
emotional
i had a fight
with a pool
you know
that old chestnut
but it made me
realize that
you know
i
i might be
living up to
this
this title
of mine
the ghost
pirate
the adrix
i might be
better just
just try to be
my own captain
instead of this
legend
as it were
you know
so i'm gonna
try to lead us
we're gonna get
to my ship
and i'm
we're gonna have
so many adventures
and squish
you can open up
a restaurant
we'll have a
franchise going on
and chuckles
we can build us
we'll build
whatever you want
you can have
the whole
bottom half
of the ship
for your
inventions
uh
all right
cool
i'm a bit
confused
because your
speech sounds
a lot like
you've never
been a captain
but you just
realized
you're the
captain was
in you all
along
yes
wait what
oh dear
well i mean
i'm the captain
and i start
walking away
wait hold
on
you keep
saying you're
the captain
are you
a captain
it sounds
like you're
trying to
convince yourself
you're a
captain
yes
the two of
you follow
captain as
he goes uh
down this
center path
and as you
do you see
a light uh
from the other
side kind of
glowing and as
you approach you
open a very
large cavern
you smell salt
water uh
you it's a it's
huge it's a
gigantic cavern
and uh inside
is a giant
ship just
sitting there
what the hell
is that
uh and uh
yeah that's the
kahuna wave
i found it
we found it
quick we gotta
get on it quick
we gotta get on
it quick before
before before
we gotta get on
it come on
let's go let's
go wait it's
real it's real
it's real
and we gotta
get going
and we gotta
get going
and i you know
i start running
towards the ship
as you get closer
though there uh
you see that there
is a crew
of pirate ghosts
uh working
around the ship
uh they're in
the boats
they're on the
sails
they're they're
tying knots
they're throwing
nets overboard
they're basically
functioning as if
this is a ship
at sea
but where's
it's in a
it's in a cave
with water in it
so it's it's
accessible to the
sea
okay um but
it's like a
shore it's been
it's like the
goonies
yeah have you
ever seen the
goonies this is a
total rip off
i was expecting a
picture of the
goonies
never seen it
i just know that
meme yeah it's
one of one-eyed
willy's tricks
oh do you guys
want to take a
quick break
yeah
no
but i i will
what the hell
was that
i'll see you next time
goonies this is a
Thank you.
What are you up to, one-eyed Willy?
Yeah, he's never seen it, so hit him with more references.
That does look like this ship.
I mean, if you told me that this entire campaign was based on the Goonies, I would have no idea, and I would be very mad.
I wouldn't either.
Be very mad.
No, it's not based on the Goonies.
It was an inside joke that I wasn't a part of, and I would be betrayed. I would feel betrayed and bewildered.
Yeah, bewildered.
Betrayed, bewildered.
Yes, so before the captain can get too far ahead, you catch up to him, and there is this giant ship just sitting on shore near the water.
There is a group of ghosts all circling around, and they are, you know, getting busy doing ship stuff.
I walk up, like I know what I'm doing, and I get ready.
I'm back to wearing the, it's a wet red frock coat right now, and I get ready to attune.
You know, because I'm going to try to command these ghosts that let me on my ship, or, well, you know, get on my way.
And work for us.
Exactly, exactly, exactly.
It's going to be very hard to win this now that, you know, we can't blow it up.
You've got a very good point.
We're going to have to blow up this cave.
Wait, wait, we can blow something up.
Can I search my pockets for the squishy boom boom sauce I made in the quote-unquote dream?
Yeah.
What do I roll?
I mean, I think you made it, right?
Like.
Yeah, but I wasn't sure if it went away, like, the boom and onions.
Yeah.
Yeah, why don't you just roll a tinker to see how well that sauce was, considering it was somewhat of a dream slash whatever vision.
Well, nope.
You pick up what you think was the boom boom sauce, and it's just, like, a bunch of rocks.
Can I search my pockets for my uncle?
Yeah, go ahead.
If he gets a success.
Sturbo says.
No.
Critical fail.
You search your pocket, and you see his skull.
Uncle or no uncle?
No uncle.
What are the ghosts doing?
They're doing pirate shit.
Like, you can, they're doing their chores around the ship.
Seamen.
Chores around the ship.
So some of them are, like, pulling up ropes.
Some of them are setting sails.
They haven't noticed that you're in the area yet.
All right.
But they do look like very rugged ghosts.
They look like very rugged seamen.
You know, pirates and sailors and whatnot, wearing, like, ragged clothes.
And they're tough-looking guys.
They have sorts and things like that on their waists.
All right.
I strut up, you know, and, like, you know, like, this whole beach, this whole cave is now mine.
And I am starting to climb aboard on the ship.
They see you, and they automatically turn, and they're just, they scowl.
And you can't hear them scream, but they clearly start, like, yelling at you and just, like, gesturing.
And someone gives you an obscene gesture, and a couple of the ghosts run and try to grab you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
My crew.
I know it's been a time since.
Oh, wait.
I was thrown off this ship.
Listen, and I start to attune.
Can I attune?
Okay.
What do I have?
And then do I, can I have my eye patch?
I throw my eye patch on real quick.
Okay, that gives you a plus one.
Plus one.
All right.
And then roll?
With your attune.
Yeah, so you should roll three die total.
So my modifier is three die, or should it already be written?
No, it's just, it's just, if you roll a tune, it should just be a plus one modifier.
Okay.
That didn't work.
That is, yeah.
No.
Is my tune not, like, set up right, or?
I mean, I don't know how it wouldn't be.
You have two, right?
Two.
Yeah.
And then you roll one.
Yeah.
Says on my sheet I do.
Yeah, okay.
You're picking, you're picking it from the actions?
Yeah.
Interesting.
Yeah, so my attune, it says I have two.
I see that there, and I should have three.
So I just rolled it for you.
Is that, that was me, I just rolled it for you.
Did I win?
Because I have to know.
You did, I win.
Oh, cheers.
I don't, I only accept half of this.
Half of the crew kind of, like, is less aggressive towards you, and they kind of stop, and they
kind of go, not quite under a trance, but you can tell that, like, they change, like, they're
like, oh, okay, this guy's not a threat.
The ones, and these are the ones closest to you, but the ones on the ship are still very
aggressive.
Squish, uh, chuckles, you wanna?
I like to yell, lads, I forgot to tell you, I was tossed off my ship.
We might need to get it back.
Wait, what?
Were you, were you the actual captain?
Were you the cabin boy?
I was tossed off my ship.
I was viciously mutinied upon.
That doesn't answer my question.
By ghosts?
A couple of the, uh, the ghosts kind of yell, and like, ah!
And they kind of charge towards you.
Okay.
I pull out my rifle, and I aim at one and shoot.
All right.
Let's see how, hunt that.
Oh, that's what I'm gonna find out.
Oh, wait.
I get plus one for the rifle.
Yes.
Critical.
Uh, you, surprisingly, uh, even though you, like, shoot this ghost, and like, the bullet
goes through his head.
You see it, like, come out the other side.
Uh, but the, uh, the ghost dramatically just, like, and falls to the ground.
Dead.
Oh, these ghosts are susceptible to bullets.
They're susceptible to bullets.
Or, and are susceptible to critical successes.
I haven't figured it out yet.
Could be zombie rules, where only headshots kill them?
I don't know.
Uh, Chuckles, what are you doing?
You're seeing these ghosts run through you.
You see Squish shoot one of them.
Dead.
Uh, we've never fought ghosts before.
Correct.
Okay.
I don't know how to fight ghosts, so I'm gonna, I guess, I'm gonna try, I'm gonna fall to the
floor and try to crawl under the hubbub.
There's hubbub, right?
Yeah, there's a lot of action going on.
There's a lot of people running and yelling.
Okay.
Uh, I guess it would be a crawl.
So I, what I, what I'm gonna try, what I'm attempting to do is like, you know, like when there's a big fight going on and there's, you know, there's, it's like big crowds.
I'm gonna try to crawl in between everyone's feet and get to the ship.
Oh, so you're gonna be like the hobbits during any fight that they've had.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, that's, I mean, I wouldn't have thought of it, about it that way because I've never seen that movie.
But, uh, yeah.
You've never seen any sticks of those movies?
Yeah.
Nerd.
What?
You're a nerd if you haven't seen Lord of the Rings, bud.
I've seen the first three, but I've only saw them in theaters.
I don't think I saw them again.
So, yeah, because I'm old.
I think we understand, though.
You're, uh, you're gonna go.
I'm doing the hobbit thing.
Try to.
This is not the first time I've tried this.
Why didn't you guys call me a hobbit before?
I could have looked this up.
I probably did.
All right.
Well, that's what I'm trying to do.
I'm trying to pull a hobbit underneath all of these people and crawl over closer to the ship, at least.
I don't know.
That makes me laugh.
Like a clown?
All right.
So, should I prowl?
Yeah, prowl.
All right.
And I should get six bonuses.
Let's see you prowl.
Partial success.
Uh, you start.
Yeah, you start prowling, uh, towards the ship.
Um, you, you make it quite a distance before, uh, one of the ghosts realize is that you're kind of far away from him.
Um, so as you continue to get closer and closer to the ship, one of them turns and starts kind of, uh, following you.
Uh, Captain Squish, you have four, or Captain, you have four, uh, of the pirates that are kind of attuned to you right now.
They're not doing anything.
Um, but they aren't fighting you.
Uh, you also have two that are trying to attack you and Captain.
Uh, I would like to command them to attack the ones that are trying to attack most.
Okay.
Do I roll, um, my command is two, so I'll roll across one on that one.
Because you're using your, uh, eyepatch?
Well, I have it on my...
Okay.
Yeah.
I have it on my sheet, so okay.
There it goes.
It's next to us.
Uh, yeah, so, so they, uh, one of them goes for the, uh, ghost that is, that's about to get chuckles, and then three of them go to engage, uh, the ghosts.
Can I command them?
That are fighting you.
I, like, I, like, I, like, like, summon all the strength I have and just, like, shout at them, like, as strong as I can go, and you can just feel the, uh, the, uh, the power of it.
And I go, save them!
Stop those things!
You know, and I command them, stop them!
Save my friend!
And I continue climbing up the ship.
As fast as possible.
As you're climbing up...
Uh, sure.
So the three, like I said, three of them go to engage the two ghosts that were about to attack you.
One of them is going to take care of the ghost, uh, following chuckles.
Squish, what would you like to do?
Uh, so they're pretty close?
Relatively close, yeah.
I mean, they, uh, the two were coming close to attack you, but now they are, they have turned around and been engaged with the three.
Uh, so, yeah, close, but not, like, on top of you.
Okay, so, uh, I'm just gonna shoot one of the ones that were going to attack me.
And what's the...
Oh, I can push...
Oh, it's a ranged attack.
Okay.
So, yeah, I'm just gonna...
Hunt the ones that...
Or one of the ones.
Okay.
Well, partial scissors.
Uh, you, uh, shoot one, and you're really able to kind of wound it and slow it down.
Um, the other one turns, and he's kind of heading towards you, but he's obviously, there's three other ghosts that are impeding his way.
Uh, Chuckles, what are...
You're no longer being followed by one of the ghosts.
What are you doing?
Um, I...
I want to get on the ship.
Um, I don't know.
This...
I'll just say what I'm thinking.
I...
I'd like to sneak in from the bottom, but I feel like that doesn't make any sense.
Like, there's not gonna be a trap door at the bottom of the ship, right?
That doesn't make any sense.
No, but you could climb onto, like, there's, like, portholes on the lower entrance.
Okay.
Kind of like a cruise ship.
So, I feel like that's...
Yeah, so I feel like...
Where the cannons poke out.
Right, like where the cannons poke out, so...
Oh, okay.
Yes, thank you for reminding me.
Like, yeah, you could definitely, like, climb up there and kind of, like, get into the interior
bottom level of the ship that way.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not gonna climb all the way to the top, because I'm still...
Not trying to be sneaky, just, uh, not...
Trying not to do the obvious thing.
And also, I'm small and wiry, and, uh, I'm gonna try and climb in those...
Those portholes where the cannons are.
Hopefully, no one's shooting cannons.
No, no one is, uh, shooting cannons.
Yeah, so you're able to, uh, to climb.
I think, uh, it's pretty well established.
You can climb very well.
And, uh, you're now in the interior of the ship, and it's very dark, and it's kind of musty-smelling.
You can still see, though, and this is basically the armory of the ship.
There are, um, you know, there's powder, there's cannonballs, there's guns.
This is a fully functional and equipped, uh, battle...
Well, pirate ship.
It's a well-equipped ship.
I...
I look around, and I get that look...
I get that look in my eyes, and I'm like...
He's gonna punch it!
This place is full...
Everybody run!
He's gonna punch his ship right in the dick!
He's got that look in his eyes!
I see all of the explodables, and I would like to make...
I'm gonna try to make a very big explodable item.
Okay.
Um, which I feel like would be a tinker.
I'm gonna build, basically, a gigantic bomb.
Okay.
Not many...
Uh, what do you plan on doing with this bomb?
I don't know, but...
Or you just don't know yet, you're just making it.
Yep, I'm just compelled.
It's really the only way I know how to...
Well, there's two ways to win a fight, and you can't really not punch six ghosts.
Uh, and I think there's more than six.
It's true.
But you can blow them up.
We're gonna try.
Everyone knows the thing you break to a ghost fight is a grenade.
They don't see it coming.
No, no, no, no.
Wait, no, that was the captain.
No, that's under captain, yeah.
All right.
Captain, you failed that tinker.
I was like, you have four tinker.
How can you?
Yeah, there's no way.
Oh, worse.
It turns out...
Turns out, apparently, all of the gunpowder is just damp.
This is so very moist.
This moist cave has come back to haunt us.
You stick your hands in it, and you're like, no!
And your hands are kind of covered with gunpowder at this point.
Big explodable item.
So you're kind of stuck in that regard.
Captain, what are you up to?
I'm crawling up the mast to the side of the ship as fast as I can.
How far am I up the ship?
Probably, like, halfway up.
I'm gonna keep going up.
I'm trying to, like, grab every rope.
I'm squirreling, but I am desperate.
I am, like, out of my mind trying to get to the top of the ship as fast as possible.
It's basically king of the mountain here.
I gotta get to the top of the ship, get to the ship, and then I'm home free.
Okay.
So what should I do?
Do you want me to roll a thawks check?
I mean, yeah, I guess a finesse.
See how well you scramble up the side of the ship.
That's a pretty good idea.
Oh, I do badly.
I am exhausted.
You do well.
I'm not doing well.
I am drunk.
I am exhausted.
It's been a long day.
I burned down an island, and I had to fight three reflections on myself in a pool of water.
I'm just a little mentally taxed right now.
So as you climb up the ship, you kind of slip on the rope, and you don't quite make it, and you're kind of just hanging off the side of the ship.
Yeah.
Like, ah!
All right.
Well, yeah.
Squish.
So one ghost is wounded.
The rest of them are engaged.
What are you doing?
I am going to...
It's been established that I am deathly afraid of ghosts.
Oh, yeah.
So somehow we forgot.
I am going to run away and hide.
So you're into the ship or somewhere outside the ship?
No, it's outside the ship.
I'm going to run out, find like a big rock to hide behind.
Okay.
Do you want to prowl and see how well you hide?
Yeah.
Because that determines my next choice.
You're able to find a pretty decent sized rock and hide behind it, but not before one of the ghosts that was fighting notices you.
Okay.
Well, I'd like to pull out my comm to Juckles.
Okay.
And Juckles.
Yes, Juckles.
Over.
Juckles.
Hey, I kind of have a theory here.
Okay.
It does not involve explosions or nut punches.
So you might be upset.
And unhelpful.
It's the only two things I can do.
No.
And this gunpowder is so moist.
I've never seen anything like it.
I didn't know there was gunpowder up there.
But what I'm thinking is these guys need a captain.
Well, I can't be a captain.
I'm.
No.
I know.
You're a cabin man.
I am a cabin man.
Yes.
You need to help the captain.
Get behind the wheel and take control of the ship.
I think.
You've been doing a lot of yelling.
I feel like that's mostly the job of a captain.
That's mostly.
Fitzglyde.
I think you need to get him behind the wheel.
Oh.
You don't think that there's like a big bad ghost captain on this ship.
Do you?
That would be bad.
I don't know.
But let's use him as a stool pigeon.
For that.
Oh.
You mean like bait.
And then he'll get eaten.
And then we just become subjects of the ghost pirate.
No.
Then we run.
If that were to happen.
Then we run.
Okay.
So you just need me to go up.
And fill him with the spirit of leadership.
No.
I need you to help him get up there.
Oh.
All right.
I lean.
I lean out.
And I look for the captain.
I'm hanging him by a thread.
Like literally by a rope.
But it's like a wrap around my arm.
And I'm like.
I'm like.
Like.
I'm like dangling a little bit.
Like.
God.
Damn.
Oh no.
He's going to get PTSD.
And I yell.
I was so close.
I yell at him.
Remember the polymer knot.
Lest the knot.
And I look at what I've got in my armor.
And I'm like.
So I start like.
The knot that's wrapped around my arm.
Is a polymer knot.
So like.
I start trying to undo the knot.
All right.
And now you're free.
And then I got.
And you fall off the ship.
Well.
No.
Well.
Do I have to roll?
The rope is so moist.
He just slips right off.
You untie it.
No.
You fall immediately to the ground.
No.
I untie it.
And I swing on the rope.
Classic pirate style.
Right lads?
Yes.
To where?
I don't know.
But I'm going to roll a finesse.
To see how well I do on this.
Right?
Is that a good thing to roll for?
Finesse?
Yeah.
That determines where he's going.
That determines how well this roll was.
Do you want.
I was going to say.
Do you.
Do you want.
I get plus one.
Because chuckles.
You know.
Helped you.
Filled you with determination.
And you might as well.
Push yourself.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
So take the extra stress.
And then yeah.
Chuckles.
Do you want to help him out.
Chuckles with this?
Yeah.
What do I got to stress myself?
If.
It goes poorly.
Yeah.
You'll stress yourself.
So.
Plus two.
Or plus one.
Plus two.
Okay.
Oh.
That's much better.
Much better.
How much swinging.
You swing.
Onto the deck of the ship.
You don't land very well though.
You just kind of like land on gracefully.
Just like.
You know.
You swing gracefully.
And then you just.
Won't kind of fall.
Onto the deck.
But you're on the deck of the ship.
And it is empty.
I'm there.
And I start making my way to the.
To where the.
The wheels at.
The helm.
I think it's called.
That's what I think it's called.
Actually.
I think it's called the poop.
That's good captaining skill.
Squish.
I'm a better captain than you are.
So captain.
You're at the helm.
Chuckles.
What are you.
You had.
You were on the lower level of the ship.
You'd stuck your head out.
Now.
What are you up to?
I'm beaming with pride.
Oh.
Wait.
And so now I have to go up.
And inspire him.
Is that what.
Because.
Because I was the one that inspired him.
To untangle himself.
By the polymer knot.
Yeah.
Then you saw him faceplant.
Into the deck of the ship.
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
Are you going to stay down there?
What's your next step?
Well.
I throw up a thumbs up.
Because I still think that.
That's cool.
And.
Yeah.
I'll call.
Squish.
He's on the deck.
The captain is on the deck.
Over.
Is that a euphemism?
Yes.
What?
Yes.
He's on the deck.
Okay.
The captain.
Fitzglide is on the deck.
Yes.
You know.
The guy in the red frock.
Yes.
Fitzglide.
Uh huh.
Fitzglide.
Yeah.
Esquire.
Is he.
Is he behind the wheel?
I don't know.
He looked like he took it.
Pretty hard.
The fall.
Okay.
Yell at him.
Because you're closer than I am.
To get behind the wheel.
This is all a guess.
Okay.
I'm going to get.
I'm getting behind the wheel.
Bridget.
Wait.
Are you going for the.
The wheel yet.
Or do I have to yell it to you?
Because you can't hear the conversation.
No.
I'm like scrambling.
But I'm like falling over.
Guys.
You're already going to the wheel.
I've been drinking.
He's drunk.
I'm drinking.
I've been drunk.
It's been a long day.
I've had a lot of.
Drinking.
Or you.
You're drunk.
Well.
That bottle I threw at the pool.
No.
It's.
The bottle I threw at the pool.
I'm like.
I throw at a ghost.
As I'm running up to the.
Up to the.
All right.
To the thing.
And it's.
The bottle is very empty.
By the way.
It was not empty.
It was half empty.
When I threw at the.
At the.
The ghost pool.
But now it's empty.
Yeah.
But now it's empty.
It's been a very taxing day.
I've learned a lot about myself.
Guys.
I'm really feeling very strong about myself.
But I'm also like having a lot going on.
So.
You know.
Yeah.
You know.
I'm really happy about that.
But I'm not sure you.
What you've learned about yourself.
Is that you're an alcoholic.
And I feel like you're going to need to learn that soon.
No.
That's next season.
That's next season's plot line.
This season is me getting back my fucking ship.
No matter if I have to come hell or high water.
Yeah.
So I'm running.
And I'm running.
And Bridget.
Is there anything in my way?
Am I getting up there right?
Yeah.
I mean.
You're on the top of the ship.
There's nothing stopping you from getting to the helm.
Well.
We don't know that there's not a hundred ghosts up there.
There could be very well be more ghosts up there.
She said that there was nothing up there.
I know.
But she's like.
Well.
There's nothing up there.
But there could be ghosts.
Do you want me to roll a study of my notes?
Can we take a quick.
I got to take a quick pause.
I got to pee like a racehorse.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Brandon.
So what was I doing during the break?
No.
Go.
Just go.
Just pee your pants.
You coward.
I just didn't need to know.
Just go in your 10 high bottle.
It can't get any worse.
I just didn't need to know that you needed to pee like all worse.
Have you ever seen a horse?
A racehorse?
Oh my God.
Yeah.
It's intense.
It's very intense.
Mm-hmm.
It's moist.
Have you ever seen an adolescent boy take a shit in a horse barn?
No.
I've got to say that's a new one for me.
For a Pokemon card?
I feel like I made out on top.
Yeah.
Because you still have them?
No.
But I did.
No.
And you emotionally scarred three other adolescent boys?
That's fine.
I'm not scarred.
I feel great.
Was the horse with you?
No.
I don't know where the horse is with.
Oh, shit.
So I imagine you guys.
Did you hear all of that?
So I imagine you guys are like really concerned about me getting up to the helm and you guys
are talking about this horse stuff.
And I'm taking the leak off the side of the ship, just taking a quick little power break.
It's been a very taxing day.
I have a lot of whiskey.
It's been a very taxing day.
I have to go.
So I'm starting to run back for the helm again.
To be continued is continuing.
Okay.
So Chuckles and Squish, you're on the walkie-talkie.
Squish.
I'm going to throw down a rope.
I don't know if I can get there.
There's a lot of ghosts in the way.
Just run around them or through them.
They're ghosts.
And through the power of the polymer knot, you will get up here.
I don't know what a polymix knot is.
That makes it a little bit harder.
However, you need to believe in yourself and just run through the ghosts.
I'm so scared of ghosts.
Yes, but they're more scared of you than you are of them.
I don't think that's true.
It doesn't matter if you believe it.
I don't believe it.
But you might today.
I don't.
I'm telling you, I don't.
But just believe that you believe it and you will conquer all.
Through the power of Christ, anything is possible.
Help me in some way, shape, or form.
Aside from this, these, these words.
A victory will bring you inspiration.
All right.
So Squish puts his head down and prays to the devil God.
And stands up.
Walks out from behind the rock.
Pulls out his knife.
And just starts like throwing his hand around with his eyes closed.
And walking towards.
No, running towards where he thinks the ship is.
Just slashing everything in his path.
All right.
I'm going to say this is kind of like a finesse.
Like you're just running as fast as you can.
Sounds like finesse to me.
Sounds like a finesse minus one to me.
Yeah.
But you know what?
Chuckle's riveting speech.
I'm going to give you a plus one for Chuckle's speech.
Okay.
So it's flat.
I would like to read the definition of finesse.
Intricate and refined delicacy.
That is not it.
In a subtle and delicate manner.
What would it be?
Oh, you want to do wreck?
No, I just.
Do you want to wreck?
Wait till these go?
Okay.
I'll wreck my way.
Yeah.
Even though that's probably.
Well, I mean, I'm not trying to talk you out of finesse.
Yeah.
No, that's worse.
Yeah.
It's not better.
No, no.
Wreck.
No, wreck.
It definitely makes sense.
So.
All right.
So it's negative one plus one.
So just roll one.
You'll take the best of one.
Best of one.
But wait.
Worse to one.
Because I don't have any.
Yeah.
I guess so.
Yeah.
No, but you get a plus one.
Doesn't matter.
Yeah.
But I had a minus one.
Because I was doing it with my eyes closed.
Doesn't matter.
I got two twos.
Yeah.
You start running to force a ghost.
Squishes devoured by ghosts.
But you're not able to.
You do kind of.
One kind of like stops you as you're running.
You can feel kind of this.
You hit this like cold, icy presence.
And you get this sensation of a man who used to be on this ship very briefly.
Because you literally just ran into this ghost.
It's the one that you've wounded.
And you open your eyes and there's this ghost standing in front of you.
And I immediately fall to the ground.
Squish.
Believe in yourself.
I'm yelling over the comm.
All right.
I jump.
In this picture, it looks like it's sand.
Is it sand on the other side of the boat?
Yeah.
It's very sandy.
All right.
I'm jumping into the sand.
Okay.
Then I'm going to run after squish.
Okay.
And.
Well, that's good.
That's what I'm doing.
Is it successful?
Do I win?
All right.
Are you doing it with finesse or are you wrecking your way through?
I'm running.
It's kind of panicked.
Yeah.
It's not really finesse, I'd say.
Okay.
Yeah.
Roll your wreck to see how well you land and run over to squish.
All right.
I thought you had.
No, you rolled under me.
God damn it.
This is what I get for being a trusted player.
Right.
I think I might have you in two.
That's a lot better.
In a very dramatic moment, you know, like when time slows down, we see chuckles land in the
sand and he starts hoofing it towards squish.
And he kind of like, I imagine you just like elbow your way through these ghosts.
As much as you can.
Yes.
It's in slow motion.
And it's very, very ugly looking as I'm weaving in and out of ghosts with elbows and just running
on pure adrenaline, heading over to squish who is in the fetal position, not crying, but he
does have sand in his eyes.
And I am running towards him.
And I finally come upon him.
He's laying like upside down as like from my perspective.
And so when I get on top of him and I look at his face, you know, we've got, we've got our faces
opposite.
And I said, squish.
What?
Believe in yourself or me.
I tried.
Look what happened.
No, get up your big galoot.
And there's sand everywhere.
I hate sand.
It is coarse and it gets everywhere.
It's everywhere.
Yeah.
We all hate it.
And I start pulling them on his shoulders.
And I say, close your eyes and put your hand on my shoulder and let's go.
I get up and I just blindly follow, like I have my hand on his shoulder and I'm blindly
followed.
I say put it on my shoulder, but you're big enough.
You just put it directly on top of my head.
Oh, I don't want to crush his hat.
But I do.
But you do.
Yes.
I do.
I'll just follow the scent of onion.
Yes.
Follow the fragrant, fragrance of sweet, sweet Vandilia onions.
Before we see if you guys make it to the ship unharmed, Captain, are you doing anything?
You're at the helm.
I'm at the helm.
I'm about to give a command and see if that helps.
I'm going to command the ghost to stop, to get under control.
Okay.
All right.
And then do I just do a regular?
Do I have to do plus one?
I mean, I got my patch.
Got my eye patch.
A signature eye patch.
Signature.
Oh, that didn't work again.
Why does that not work?
Here.
Action.
Yeah, you do it.
Captain.
Okay.
I'm not sure what.
I'm just rolling under the actions command and it's not working.
You see, that's a much different result.
Let's take that one.
The ghosts, all of them, because you commanded all of them, stop and they look at you, Captain.
Mm-hmm.
And the four ghosts that you, sorry, the four ghosts that you, you've already attuned.
They stop, they, they look at you and then they go back, they redouble their efforts.
So, Chuckles, I'm assuming you're going to carry squish or guide squish?
Yes.
Can I send, can I, sorry.
No, I'm just going to say, as you, like, the ghosts are completely engaged with themselves at this point.
They won't attack you.
They're still fighting and you still have to bob and weave and kind of, you know, avoid them.
But they won't attack you as, as you run through them.
Captain, I'm sorry, what were you going to say?
I was going to see if I could send Neelix to help these guys out.
Sure.
All right.
I send Neelix and I give Neelix the command of listening to whatever Juckles and Squish have to say.
Okay.
Chuckles, Squish, as, as you start kind of bobbing and waving your way through, you see this ghost butler kind of just appear ahead of you and say,
Oh, do you need a hand with anything, Mr. Master Chuckles, Master Charles Xander?
Not you again.
How about you dress up as a female ghost pirate and try to seduce these holly's pirates away from us?
You know, the bug's buddy defense.
Again.
All right.
You seem fond of that.
He, like, disappears and then appears a little bit distance away in Iraq.
And he's got just, like, a wig on.
Just his normal butler suit, but, like, a blonde wig.
And he does one of those, uh,
Oh, boys!
You know, and calls their attention.
Boys!
Oh, boys!
Boys!
Let's see.
Yeah.
So they, uh, they kind of all turn their attention away from, from you two as you run towards the ship and, and towards, uh, towards the, the ghost butler Neelix.
Uh, Captain.
Can, I'm yelling.
Yarr!
Can you hear me?
Yarr!
Can you see us?
Yarr!
No!
Throw-
Yarr!
Well, throw down in our general direction where my voice and onions are coming from.
Throw down a polymer knot so that you may pull us up once we are tied.
All right.
I run from the helm and I look for a rope.
Uh, do I find one, Bridget?
Can I survey for it?
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
What happened to my ship?
The boat is made of ropes.
That's not true.
I mean, it's a pretty, it's a pretty likely chance you're going to find one.
Uh, hold on.
Something, uh, my, sorry, my command thing just disappeared.
Must have X'd out of it or something.
How did I get that back?
You're not trying to command the rope?
No, I'm trying to, sir, I was going to do a survey, but I can't find that.
Oh, he's talking about the, uh, no.
Looks like.
War?
Warthak, that's it.
Bridget, you find a rope.
I found a rope.
I throw it, but I don't throw it very well.
I'm like, it's not very, you're going to have to run for it, guys.
Like, run up?
Well, like, you know, it's not near you.
It's like down the, it's like, it's not, I threw it thinking it would reach you, and it's
definitely not going to reach you.
Um, I did not throw it very well.
Yeah, it's like, uh, it's like, you know, I don't know, a few yards ahead of you.
Okay.
All right, Squish.
Uh, follow me over to this knot and tie it to your body.
You, I don't know how to tie knots.
You're right.
Now I must teach you.
You got to tie the polymer knot.
Down and around.
And wait.
Uh, over and under.
And then, wait, no.
Up.
I forgot.
You're not.
This is not very convincing.
I just got this, like, pile of.
Wait, wait, no, no.
I got it.
Wait, no, I don't.
Please, remind me.
What is the rhyme?
Is this out of character?
Yeah, I wish my card is in.
Yeah.
Over, under, and through.
Oh, over, under, and through.
That's how you tie your shoe.
That's how, uh, Squish ties his shoe.
And I tied it around his waist.
Stole that from Rock-a-Doo-Doo-Doo.
I wish I could remember what it is in SpongeBob.
It's like, it's like, something like that.
You do the loop-de-loop and pull.
And now you're looking good.
Cool.
All right.
So, I guess I managed to do that.
Yeah.
And since I'm bigger than Juckles, I hold on to him.
Oh, could you repel up?
I don't know.
I can't see.
Wait, open your eyes.
Wait, you don't need to see.
You just need to go up.
They're sad.
I have to hold on to the rope with one hand and you in the other.
Well, you go up first and then throw the rope down for me.
This is in character.
Sounds like a terrible idea.
Well, I don't...
How else are you going to get up?
I assume the...
The...
The gangway?
Wait.
There was a gangway this whole time?
We could just have taken the stairs?
Oh, it's in the back, though.
You guys got to run for it.
But we're already tied to the ship.
I'm tied to the ship.
Yes, there is a gangway.
That was a fortune rule.
Where is the gangway?
It's towards the front of the ship.
Also, what is a gangway?
The ramp.
Like the ramp that leads from the top of the ship to the ground.
I'm mad.
You guys just jumped on it and started climbing the ship.
I don't think any of you looked for a gangway.
Or any way to get on the ship.
I just start climbing then.
Hand over hand.
Climbing up the rope.
Leaving Juggles behind.
And I guess I take the ramp.
You kind of just walk.
It's just very simple.
Just a gentle incline up to the top.
And you meet Squish up there, who's covered in sand.
And just like...
Climbing.
And crying.
Eyes are closed.
But you all three get to the top of the ship.
The ghosts are distracted by your Neelix.
What next?
They're furiously romancing Neelix.
Yeah, they're all like, you know...
It's those...
Like...
Some of them's giving them chocolates.
Another one's trying flowers.
You know.
Can I try commanding the ghosts to set sail?
This ghost I have?
My name is Juggles.
Alright.
I'm still in it.
Set sails.
I don't know what happened to my commands.
My commands.
My action commands.
Oh, there.
I think that's...
Oh, there.
Okay.
I got it.
Never mind.
Command.
And then...
Do I roll anything extra?
Just plus one for my...
Just your standard command.
Plus one for my eye patch.
My fancy...
Yes.
Signature eye patch.
Yes.
I command the ghosts to set sail.
And I politely asked Juggles if he would help them.
No.
Why don't you marry all your ghosts if you love them so much?
They're going to set the sail so good.
You command them.
Alright, Juggles.
Alright.
Why don't you come up and take the helm with me?
Well, I did actually kind of want to set the sails.
I just wanted to feel special.
Alright.
Juggles.
So.
Whatever you want to do.
The ship's your...
Is your playground.
Go do it.
Have fun.
I build a hot...
I just gave you the hotman command.
I just gave you the hotman.
Knock yourself out.
Alright.
I start fires.
I set the ship on fire.
I got the hotman command.
You know how to do the fusion dance now, so...
Yeah.
Alright.
Yeah, I start climbing up and down the mast.
And I'm, you know...
Tweaking.
Tinkering.
You're kind of tinkering.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, I'm...
Yeah, you know...
Tinkering the sails.
Cutting the ballasts and the ties and the...
Yeah.
Other terms.
He's cutting the starboard.
I'm cutting star burns.
Oh.
You...
You, uh...
Yeah.
You just...
You're going around the ship.
You're...
You're making way.
Uh...
You gotta lift the anchor and all...
And all that.
Uh...
The four ghosts that, uh...
Are now...
No longer wooing Neelix...
Uh...
Appear on the ship next to you.
And they take their positions.
Uh...
Some of them are, you know...
Lifting up ropes.
And, uh...
Untying knots.
Um...
As you guys are...
You feel the ship kind of, like...
Swaying a little bit.
As the...
As the tide is, like, lapping into the shore.
And then eventually...
You can feel the ship kind of just...
Take off.
It kind of gets into the water.
Um...
And you start...
Slowly drifting out to sea.
Uh...
But not before...
You hear...
Uh...
You...
You hear a monkey crying in the distance.
And you see...
You see...
In the entrance of the cave...
You see Dee Dee standing there just...
Wait.
Throw her...
Throw her out a rope.
I'm just talking with her.
Dee!
Take that back to the rope.
Dee Dee!
It's like the scene from Castaway with Wilson.
You could...
Lasso her.
Dee Dee!
Dee Dee, no!
Uh...
It's too late, Squish.
You just gotta say goodbye to her?
Yeah.
Wait.
Yeah.
No.
Hold on.
I go to...
I go to Junkles.
Yeah, I'm Junkles.
And...
I know.
Okay.
And I...
I fish out the pack of...
I'm a pack of cigarettes.
Oh, I forgot about these.
And I throw it onto the beach.
Wait.
No.
We are not gonna leave Dee Dee in a cave.
In a moist cave with a pack of cigarettes.
That's not how this...
That's not how this ends.
As we're leaving...
You're fine with leaving Tawny, but not Dee Dee?
Who?
Break shit out.
All right.
As we're moving...
Uh...
Bridgetto...
As we're leaving, I realize...
I had to pull the anchor up again.
And, like, so the chains become taut.
And we're just dragging the anchor.
So can Dee Dee run along the taut anchor?
Yeah.
So, Dee Dee sees the anchor and she sees...
She sees this, uh, chain.
And you watch...
She kind of, like, knuckle runs, uh, through the sand.
Grabs her cigarettes with one hand and grabs on to the anchor chain with the other.
And as captain, as you realize you haven't, like, given the order to lift weigh anchor.
You see her and you, you know, give the order weigh anchor.
And the anchor starts coming up.
And, uh, Dee Dee rides the chain to the top of the ship.
Oh, my God.
This ape is so cool.
Yes, she's awesome.
Of course, Tawny.
Is Tawny anywhere nearby?
No.
Screw Tawny.
No, Tawny's not.
No, Tawny is.
Tawny's gone forever.
He's not good to us with a busted arm.
Tawny emerges from the shadows.
And he looks at us, which is the saddest face.
And we're just, like, we're just driving away, giving him the fingers.
He emerges from the shadows.
He's just a ghost.
Who's given so many of his limbs to us.
He's like, this is not the last time you've seen Nelson.
Nelson.
He becomes the new head Nelson.
Well, the ship takes off.
It catches the waters underneath the shore.
And it's slowly, you direct it out to open sea.
You leave the cavern behind.
And you open up.
And the sea is yours.
The sun is shining.
Oh, I am so excited.
I am so excited.
I'm about to take everyone.
I want to take everyone below deck.
So we can have a nice big drink from my private whiskey box.
Oh, no.
Where was this private whiskey box?
That's part of the reason why I've been so desperate to find this place, my lads.
We're finally gone.
We got away.
Just quick enough.
Just quick enough so that nothing happened.
Oh, my God.
You've got to create a 500-year-old Dagobah whiskey?
Dagobah.
Yes.
From the swamps of Dagobah.
As the ship descends into the sky and into space.
Descends.
Come on, lads.
Let's go below decks.
We'll have drinks.
Let me show you around.
We can split half the boat into a restaurant, half the boat into a tinker shop.
I figure, what the hell?
Let's just go at it.
All right, fine.
But I'm naming the restaurant The Windtrodden Toad.
I love it.
And what's your tinker shop going to be called, Chuckles?
The Windtrodden Toad.
It's the same title?
Yes, but I came up with it first.
He stole it from me.
All right, let's go down.
Let's go down.
And I start walking down the stairs, and I'm, like, looking around at things.
I'm like, wow, look at this.
This is so cool.
Wow.
And I'm, like, really proud of this ship.
As you go into the, you all follow down into the private captain quarters,
and they look very nice, very well lived in, very luxurious.
The captain, you go to a chest, and you open it, or a little, like, cabinet, and you open it up,
and there's whiskey bottles inside, and you pour everyone a drink.
I told you I was the captain.
I've been here before.
Look, how would I not know where that chest was if I wasn't the captain?
And I'm, like, shaking the whiskey bottle.
Because you can smell it.
I'm still not convinced you're the tea captain.
Yeah, I feel like you've gotten lucky this whole time.
Also, is there any exotic foods on this ship?
Let's survey.
Just cats.
Cats or cat food, I'd be happy.
Well, you all, the captain hands you all a drink, and you seem like, you know what, things are going to be okay.
I'm going to have a drink with you guys right now.
This is the end of the mission.
We got our ship.
We got my ship.
I'm happy.
I don't know how happy you guys are, but I'm happy.
Cheers.
And as you guys take the drink, you hear really heavy footsteps behind you.
Just a big, solid boot and a step.
And a boot and a step.
And as you turn, you see a man standing in the stairway.
A very tall, burly man with a big beard and a red frock coat.
I sent his picture into the Discord.
And he turns.
And he goes,
What are y'all doing on my ship?
And where's my cabin boy?
Oh, shit.
I love you.