Hail the Junkport Boys, in the night they roam,
Sons and wolves with fire and cruel.
With a clash and a crash and a twist of fate,
Explosions mark the hours never late.
Last scene, Night of Dockfire, which was, you know, tricky to spell.
A strange group known only as the Junkport Gang is wanted in connection to a series of crimes,
including the burglary of an Arurvian school of art,
the sinking of the ship's Dawn Hammer,
a prison break and subsequent prison fire.
The assault of Lord Wa and the subsequent house fire.
The theft of the Magu Fin and the subsequent warehouse fire.
And the murder of the suspected crime boss Baz-O-Baz and subsequent Dockfire.
When you say it all at once, it sounds almost bad.
So many fires.
Also, I didn't know it was Arurvian school of art.
Why did you think that child was there?
Yeah, well, there were other children that, you know, weren't really NPC'd out.
So, you know.
No, it's just, it was a cool thing to say, Arurvian school of art.
Like, the last name was school of.
Yeah.
The group is considered armed and very dangerous.
They are believed to have left the city in Garbarge.
Reports from the outer Dagger Isles suggest that the crew sailed to Last Hurrah,
a famous demon holiday spot, before fleeing towards the Void Sea towards uncharted waters.
In completely unrelated news, we bring you a list of unsubstantiated reports and rumors from the literal backwaters of the Void Sea.
Whalers reported of a Leviathan attack.
These giant creatures are known for their caviar, which some compare to cat food.
Remains of a dingy barge found, but no survivors.
Fire on Nelson Island, reportedly home to a cult of cannibals.
Witnesses report smelling smoke and the sounds of screams.
The return of Captain Fitzclyde?
Rumors are bound that the famous pirate has been seen sailing again the open seas,
now with a strange, nut-punching, fire-starting crew.
Just a little, you know, background.
The captain, an alcoholic pirate with a ghost butler, also may not be a captain.
Push, deadly with a gun, killer in the kitchen.
DeChuckles Tinkerer, with a penchant for net-punching.
The deasylent.
Well, not when you read it.
Okay.
I stand corrected.
Did we really set the set on fire Nelson Island?
Yeah, the whole island.
It was our finest work.
That doesn't sound like me.
I mean, it's going to be, it's going to take a lot to, I thought we were, I thought we topped
it with the dock fire, but we set a whole island on fire.
It's going to be pretty hard to top that.
There's still time.
There's continents yet to burn.
We got a boat, didn't we?
We got a boat.
You did.
We got, we got captain's boat.
And is it made of garbage?
No, it's actually a pretty nice boat.
Yeah.
So you guys, as a reminder, fought off a group of demons or ghosts.
Sorry, not demons.
Sorry, Swish.
Yeah.
Alleged ghosts.
You know, it was a little rough for you guys.
You eventually managed to clamber.
And I do use that word liberally, clamber on board.
The three of you got the ship unmoored and with Dee Dee's help.
Of course, Dee Dee's there.
You have abandoned Tawney at this point, who you may not remember is your intern.
We did?
Yeah.
What they say about interns.
He was almost, he was almost dead though, wasn't he?
Yeah.
He was pretty banged up after the cannibalism.
Oh, well, after the Leviathan attack and the cannibalism.
Cannibalism.
And then the fire.
Did we eat him?
No, no, but it was a type of...
I feel like I would have remembered that.
He had several broken bones and was very badly bruised.
You left him, you know, to explore the rest of the island by yourselves.
You guys came to a cave.
You had some personal struggles.
And then on the other side of the cave, you had some ghost struggles where you fought off a bunch of ghosts.
Because you found a beautiful ship.
Let me just drop that picture.
Hold on.
In the chat.
And then, yeah, you climbed aboard.
You set the ship out to sea.
And then while you were celebrating and relaxing, a very large and scary man came down the gangplank.
Hold on.
I thought you said we left Tawny.
Well, maybe it's not Tawny.
Hold on.
Is it Tawny's ghost?
Sorry, my computer's a little slow.
So there's your ship.
It's a beautiful two-mast schooner.
Wow.
I remember scaling the side of that.
Yep.
You scaled the side of it.
Some of you climbed up some rope.
I think you threw someone on there as well, maybe.
I believe you promised we could get a jacuzzi.
Who promised?
But while you were all relaxing, a very large man, a scary man came down the stairs.
In a very red frock.
In a very red frock coat.
And he looked at the three of you, and he had told you, he had asked, where's me cabin boy?
Oh, no.
And that's where you are.
I think I see what's going on here.
And that's what's happening now.
So this very large, scary man.
Hold on.
Let me pull up my notes.
Yes.
Very large, scary man has pulled out his gun, and he's pointing it at you, Captain.
Hey, Captain.
That's all you have to say to me?
Just hey, Captain?
Wait a second.
You're a cabin boy?
Listen, Captain, I understand what you're thinking.
What's going on here?
It's not what you think.
Oh, why don't you tell me what I think?
You're so good at taking charge.
Why don't you tell me what I think?
I got your ship back for you, okay?
I got here.
I wanted to make sure it was nice and cleaned up before you got back.
You know, I started sweeping up as soon as I got here.
It's just a big misunderstanding.
This does not seem to at all calm the big, large man in front of you.
And while he still has his gun pointed at you, Captain, he does take a look over to Squish
and Dee Dee and Chuckles.
Oh, shit.
That's me.
And the three of you, huh?
I suppose this is what you call a crew.
A bunch of rag.
Yes, this is a very fine crew.
We've started over here.
We got a good...
Yeah, they're great.
The green one cooks really good.
And the other one, he cooks...
Still red.
He was mean.
I am colorblind.
He is most certainly red.
But Captain's been colorblind this whole time.
You know what?
I'm making this canon.
His jacket's actually a green plaid.
No, I...
What do you think is it's red?
I forgot.
I confused you with Sarn for a second.
Oh, no.
How could you possibly have done that?
Yeah, exactly.
The red one cooks.
And the one with the white hat?
Very good at nut punching.
And also a fine...
I do other stuff.
No, I do other stuff.
He does computers.
Or he does machines.
What?
No.
Well, yeah, I do that.
Yeah.
Very fine.
I can...
Cabin boy.
This seems to really irate the man.
Made you my cabin boy.
I trusted you.
I said he has a keen eye and a nice smile.
And I made you my cabin boy.
And you go and you double-cross me.
You deceive me.
Now, Captain Clyde, I understand.
You're upset.
What did you call him?
That's Captain Clyde?
It's Captain Fitz Clyde.
Pirate of the Seven Seas.
Ghost pirate of the Void Sea.
That was one name?
I thought it was first name Fitz and last name Clyde.
No, it's Captain Fitz Clyde.
In that case, Captain would be my first name.
Fitz would be my middle name.
And, of course, Clyde's my surname.
But that's not how it goes.
It's Captain, but title.
Fitz Clyde.
Wait, title is your middle name, then?
Oh, you got me there.
Now, Captain, I have, you know, I have become a captain, too, since we've parted ways.
Really?
Where's your ship?
Scars, I remember this is my ship, and it's always been my ship.
Right before you went and you mutinied me.
I mean, it was...
Mutinied?
Yeah.
Wait!
Fellas, it's not what you think.
I think it's exactly what I think.
I think you mutinied him and stole his name.
I was also mutinied.
Shortly after.
They told me all about that.
Why don't you start from the beginning, huh?
I am Captain Fitz Clyde.
Ghost pirate.
Terror of the void seas.
Prince of the dagger isles.
I had a crew and a ship, and it was taken away from me by him.
I pick up this sorry-looking young man with no money, no name.
I don't even remember what they called you back then.
You call yourself Fitz Clyde now.
I mean, I'm wearing the red frock.
I mean, that's pretty close.
Is that even yours?
Did you steal his coat, too?
No, I'd never be caught in something so trashy and black.
Because it's actually green.
I mean, it's a pretty nice coat.
I mean...
It doesn't smell very good.
No.
It smells like onions.
Well...
Um, listen, fellas...
Wonderful fragrance.
I've got a confession to make.
My...
I'm not...
I'm not Captain Clyde.
Well, look at my shoes on the other cabin boy.
No, no, I'm not.
I am a captain.
He made me a captain.
Tell him.
Tell him you made me a captain.
Who did?
Yeah.
Yeah, oh.
Oh, get this.
Yeah, so I need a cabin boy, right?
Do you know what a cabin boy does?
He swabs the poop deck.
He cleans your room.
He brings you food.
And he cleans out your unmentionables.
And I said, well, the boar boy, he just looks so sorrowful.
I said, oh, I'll make you the captain of Scraps Patrol.
How about that?
Scraps Disposal.
And I thought it would pick him up a little bit.
Nobody else wanted the job.
You didn't make me captain of Scraps Patrol.
I would have loved to be captain of Scraps Patrol.
It said you made me Captain Man or Cabin Man.
Listen, uh...
That is condescending in retrospect.
So you're the cabin man of the captain of Scraps Patrol.
Of my cabin boy!
Oh, my God.
Oh.
Now, fellas, it's not what you think.
I think it might be.
Let's see him try to talk his way out of this one.
I took over the ship.
I was running things pretty well.
Yeah.
Running things pretty well.
I find this little twerp in the middle of my things,
rifling through my belongings,
stealing from me.
You know what I do?
I do what any decent person would do.
I grabbed him by his ears,
and I dragged him to the poop deck,
and I was going to toss him overboard.
And do you know what he had conspired?
Mutiny?
A mutiny!
Yes!
A mutiny!
All right, I get a start.
The red one gets it!
Now, here's the thing.
It only lasted like a week.
It turns out...
I thought making the whole crew my cabin boys would...
Turns out they did not like that.
So that's why I have the rule of one cabin boy.
And one cabin man.
And a cabin man.
Now, I've promoted that.
I've gotten rid of the cabin,
but I've tried to perfect the system.
It's an in-progress situation.
Mr. Captain Fitzclyde, I have a question.
Yes.
Are you hiring?
Well, that's a very good question.
Now, hold on, hold on.
I'm still captain of this ship.
I mean, I was.
I mean...
Well, you're not captain anymore.
A ship can only have one captain.
And it's my ship.
I didn't go around killing every one of those mutinous mutineers for nothing.
Oh.
Wait, you did?
I hunted every single one of them down.
And I killed them.
Slipped their throats.
Drowned them where they slept.
Not one person escaped my wrath.
Except for a pathetic little cabin boy.
Just up and disappears.
Now...
So you're in need of a pathetic little cabin boy.
Come on.
Mine seems to have crawling back.
Juggles.
Don't...
You don't know what you're doing.
Okay.
I don't know what I know anymore.
Now, captain, what I'm hearing is...
You need your own cabin boy back.
I just so happened...
And you don't really have much of a crew.
And I am wearing the red frock.
So...
Yeah, I mean, why don't we just come up with something?
Maybe we could figure things out?
Like a power sharing agreement?
Yeah, like, you know, joint sharing.
You can have the front half of the ship.
I'll have the back half.
Captain Fitzcliffe.
The wheel?
Yes.
Oh, wait, no.
No, the real one.
You're a ghost?
No, ghost pirate.
Oh.
I would like to approach him and touch his flesh.
Be careful.
He's very menacing.
You go up to the captain and you attempt to touch his flesh.
And you find that it is just very human flesh.
But he does smell pretty bad.
And his flesh is the same texture as worn leather.
Wow.
This is a weathered man.
Yeah.
I think he might be a real captain.
What do you mean a real captain?
He's like wood.
Wood wrapped in leather.
It's just my skin.
I'm old and wrinkly.
I was muting me.
I was left on a deserted aisle for months.
Now, that wasn't my...
That was not necessarily my fault.
Wait, how did you get back here?
That's none of your business, boy.
Okay, fair enough.
How long have you been in the cave?
Uh, what day is it today?
Wednesday.
Walktober.
Walktober the 3rd.
It's been about a week.
Oh, that's not too bad.
We can get this thing back on the seas for you.
Y'all already have it.
And then, once we get out to sea,
you can throw this liar into the sea.
You can make him walk the plank.
But you can't have him walk the plank in here.
We were...
Guys, we're a crew.
We're a team.
Y'all are...
I'm still saying...
Even so.
Look at...
I can still...
I can still hang out.
I'm still cool.
I think we can all agree
we need to get this thing on the sea.
Yeah, we should probably get away
from these ghosts, right?
Oh.
Or did we already do that?
Well, you killed...
I mean, you can't really kill a ghost.
You just kill it again, I suppose.
That was the rest of the crew.
I told you.
I killed all of them.
I substituted them into my service.
Yeah.
Yeah, you killed all my...
You re-killed all my mutineers.
I guess I should be thankful.
They're double dead.
But that was my crew you just destroyed.
So I feel like we both have need.
You need a boat.
It's something to do.
And you...
You need a crew.
Also, Captain...
Is that how you all feel?
Captain.
Yes.
No.
Stop it.
I don't even know what to call you now.
Yeah.
Yeah, tell him your real name.
Yeah, what's his real name?
What's your real name?
What is your real name?
Patches.
Patches?
Are you a hobo?
Oh.
No.
Cabin Boy Patches?
Patches.
Yes.
Patches.
Take.
Off.
The coat.
You are not a captain.
Captain.
Not anymore.
The red frock is for men who have earned it.
You've never earned anything.
Except a swift kick in the bottom.
I just turned it inside out anyway.
I can put my old coat back on.
The one before it was bloodstained?
This is my gray frock coat.
The one with all the patches?
Yeah.
And my people on the nose.
So when Patches does that, does the captain take notice of the little lion on his shoulder?
Sewn into the glob?
Hey.
Well, I'm still wearing the same coat.
I just turned it inside out.
Yeah, but you had to take it off.
I don't have a look like a bone.
What the hell is that?
What's in your coat?
Any Cox's gun?
This is Paul.
He's my cat friend.
He knows a lot of things.
Our cat friend.
I've never seen him know anything, to be perfectly honest.
I said he knows a lot of things.
I didn't specify what they were.
Yar.
He will tell you everything that he knows.
He happens to have been in a pyramid for 100,000 or 1,000 years or so.
All he knows is bricks.
My general and pop culture is quite outdated.
So is that patch even real?
That eye patch?
No.
It keeps changing eyes.
It's so confusing.
I don't even know why I wear these patches.
Or this patch.
I don't know why I have these goggles.
Wait, so your birth name is Patches?
I'm just real depressed.
It's a nickname.
Let's leave it at that.
Were you born in a boxcar?
Boxbar?
No.
Boxcar.
No.
Not necessarily.
Wait.
Is your peg, like, even real?
Yes, that is real.
I mean, yeah.
Kind of.
Oh, my God!
What do you mean, kind of?
You know, it's just the wood you guys always saw was actually just a wooden flask I had down there.
What have you done to your leg?
Oh, it's sewed into the leg pockets.
Like, it's sewn into the leg lining.
Oh.
All right.
I couldn't even tell.
I was actually pretty good.
You should probably be a seamstress.
No.
I'm a captain.
Well, I will be.
When my grades are good enough.
You're the captain of scrap piles.
Yeah, I know.
I'm working my way up.
Now it actually makes sense as to why we were on the garbarge and why you never really...
Seemed to mind.
Yeah.
You actually preferred it.
I mean, to be fair, I was trying to get us an upgrade.
Just turns out my old boss got here just at the nick of time.
You got us a real long stick.
Yes, but look at the ship we're on now.
You don't steer the ship with a stick, sir.
You steer it with sails.
Do you know how a boat works?
Yes, I have learned since last time I've seen you.
I wasn't asking you.
I know you know how a boat works.
Or at least you think you know how a boat works.
And that's all you need.
I'm asking the wee one that smells like onions and cat food.
Do you know how a boat works?
First of all, thank you.
Second of all, yes, mostly floating.
And also, you know, I'm pretty handy.
I can climb up masts and fit in most overhead storage compartments.
So I feel like I could be great use to you.
I'm also apparently very gullible.
Is that you telling me that?
Or is this out of character?
It turns out I'm quite gullible.
Yes, I'm telling you.
Perhaps worsening my negotiation position, but...
Oh, there it is.
Well, I don't take strangers onto my ship.
I know who this betrayer Patches is.
What about you?
You have a name?
I'm Jockles.
The D is silent.
It also starts with D.
That's nice of you to explain, because audio-wise, I can't really tell what are silent letters.
I just assume they are not.
I told you, smart.
If I ever need to write it down, I'll know it starts with a D.
That doesn't belong there.
I stick out my hand for a handshake.
All right.
The captain warily, but eventually firmly, takes your hand.
He gives it a good shake.
When you move your hand away, you do notice that it smells.
The captain, in general, smells poorly.
And you!
Wow.
And you!
Not green-skinned, but red-skinned demon, in case some of us are indeed colorblind aboard this ship.
You cook?
Yes, I do.
You have a name?
I do.
Oh, that's clever.
Bridget, this is what I was trying to explain when Andy gets difficult sometimes.
No, I feel like this is very much in Squish character.
In Squish.
You ask him his name, and he just says, yes.
Yeah, I got a name.
I asked, do you have a name?
Yeah.
People call me things?
I'm sorry.
What was your name?
I didn't catch it.
Oh, my name is Tarquish Sunder.
Tarquish Sunder.
Any strange letters I should know about that one?
I think there's a Q somewhere in there.
I don't know.
I don't really know.
Oh, yeah.
Also, we're illiterate.
Both of you?
All three of you?
Oh.
Yeah, it's been a contentious relationship.
Are you sure?
It's not just you who's illiterate?
Because I'm pretty sure.
I'm not sure, actually.
Oh, wait.
The Q is the fourth letter.
Very good.
Okay.
Maybe it is just me.
You can call me Squish, though.
Also is a Q.
Also a Q.
Wow.
We're really learning our ABCs today.
No.
Patches.
We're learning a lot today.
We're learning a lot about each other.
Patches.
Now, Captain, I know you're angry, but I'm still very, very useful to this crew.
I...
Yes, I do, in fact, need a cabin boy.
Oh.
I...
You said...
You said that the cabin boy was the most important man on the boat, and now you don't
even want to be a cabin boy?
Listen, I...
I am so gullible.
I was promoted.
Through a mutiny?
I...
I gave myself the promotion.
That's the best kind of promotion of all.
That's fair.
That's a good point, actually.
I can't say anything about that.
That's like giving...
That's like finding out you had a Christmas bonus and that you gave yourself that bonus.
Yes.
And how well did that mutiny work out for you?
Because as I slaughtered your compatriots one by one, uh, they told me an interesting story.
They told me you were only a captain for a week, was it?
Yes.
But that...
That was, like I said earlier...
And what happened after that week?
I was experimenting and...
With the cabin boy philosophy, and it went above...
I kind of went above...
Kind of went above and beyond.
Okay?
I made everyone a cabin boy, and they didn't like it.
So...
I know.
And then what happened?
Tell me.
Say the words.
I was mutinied.
That's right!
You were!
How did it feel?
Uh, very wet.
Uh, because that's the first thing they did is they threw me off the boat.
Um, and...
Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?
And fellas, I did honestly lose my memory, but...
I got it back when I was talking to my lady friends somewhere halfway through the last season.
Um...
Did they keelhaul you?
Uh, I mean...
What does that mean?
You don't...
You...
You're a pirate?
You don't even know what keelhauling is?
Uh, they did throw me off the ship.
That's pretty cool.
No, that's when they drag you underneath the boat, so you get cut up by all the barnacles.
Oh, heavens no.
No.
So you got all lucky.
No, they just throw me...
Yeah, they just throw me into shark-infested waters that came with the storm.
And, uh, I thought I drowned.
And next thing I know, I'm waking up on a beach in Duskval, and everything's hazy, and I thought I could be the captain.
I thought I was the captain.
And it turns out I was wrong.
And at any point in time, after you recovered your memories, you never once thought telling us?
Well, at the time...
What did you want to tell us?
Now, at the time, I did think he was dead.
And we got a map to the ship, which I thought was very convenient.
And I thought, if I could just get to that ship, we'd be smooth sailing.
Yeah, but that does not answer the question.
I mean, to be fair, I was better as Captain Clyde than he was.
Are you sure you want to be saying that when you're asking for mercy on my ship?
No, I was very bad at being the captain, but I thought I could be better.
I have dreams of being a great captain.
I'm just working towards them.
I have been captain of now two ships.
Well, one ship.
And it did go down to a Leviathan.
And it was a barge.
It was a good ship.
Don't ship.
It lasted maybe two sessions.
The Garbarge.
I mean, we did take a barge onto the open sea.
The odds weren't good.
I tried to stop you, for the record.
Well, you didn't.
And we, you know, got it out there.
Look at this ship.
You know, we're tucking the ground.
This was the goal, fellas.
You were going to have a bistro.
And you were going to have a lab.
I thought I was going to have a hot tub.
And a hot tub.
Can I get a hot tub, fellas?
I was going to get that.
He's the one.
Don't ask us.
Ask the actual captain.
He's the one who's telling you you can't have those things.
I'm the better captain.
Can I have a hot tub?
I don't know exactly how that would work in a ship.
But we can think about it.
It's a big tub with hot water in it.
Okay.
We don't have, like, regular heating.
You know, you got to kind of, you know, use wood or coal.
And we have to carry it, you see.
And I'm not saying no.
But I'm not saying let's demolish things yet.
Let's make some plans.
That sounds realistic.
Well, if I am nothing, if I have learned anything in the last, oh, year or so of trying to get my ship back, it's that you got to be a little realistic.
You can't kill the entire crew in one day.
It takes day by day.
First, you got to get off the island.
Then you got to find the crew.
I mean, isn't that what you did?
I personally think, fellas, it's better if you just burn the whole thing down.
Burn the crew down.
Oh, that's your solution to everything.
So we're going to burn the ship now?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm just saying metaphorically.
Listen.
I agree.
Don't burn the ship down.
I need a crew.
You need a ship.
I think we can agree to make this work.
But there are some rules.
We are going to kill the captain, right?
The great captain?
We're going to kill him?
No.
Don't kill Patches.
Your new level friend, Patches.
He's a dirty no-good liar.
He's liable to mutiny on us.
He's liable on us.
We were best friends.
You should not trust this man.
I'm still the same old guy.
I'm just not the captain.
I still say yarn.
It sounds like you're a liar and a manipulator.
I'm still the same guy.
Listen, we were going to get a pretty cool ship.
I'm still the same guy.
I just have a gray frock instead of a red frock.
And I am from the streets.
Yeah.
Look.
I have a few rules on my ship.
All right?
First off, you got to keep it clean.
I don't like a dirty ship.
Pick up after yourselves.
I know I'm saying this,
and it sounds silly to a bunch of relatively grown men,
but you have been talking about garbage quite a bit.
He was the captain of the garbage.
The garbage.
We should lock him up in the galley.
Chuckles.
He's not wrong.
The brig.
Yeah.
What's a galley?
Galley is...
That's my territory.
That's right.
Okay, so we'll lock Squish up in the galley,
and we'll lock Gray Captain in the bar.
I don't think you should lock me up there.
To be fair, I do like that you're calling me Gray Captain.
I still do think of myself as the captain.
Patch is the Gray Captain.
Are you the Gray Captain?
Because that's all you can see.
Again, I'm circling back to the color blindness.
I am not colorblind.
I choose not to see color.
If you took off the patch, maybe you can see colors.
Maybe that's the only eye that sees color.
Nope.
I ain't doing it.
You had your eye closed the whole time.
That's why you can't see the color.
That's how colors work.
Half of them work in one eye,
the other half work in the other eye.
Wow.
Okay.
I'm also now thinking I should be a doctor,
as well as a captain.
Can I pull Juckles aside?
Sure.
Yes.
Yes, you may.
Hey, Juckles.
Approach the Juckles.
Don't act like you're high and mighty on this.
You may approach the Juckles.
Do you want to kill the real captain?
The real captain?
You mean the red captain?
Yeah.
Not the gray one.
The gray one's like, fine.
I'm digging his vibe.
I know, but he seems like he's kind of a dick.
And he's not really going to let me do what I...
He's not going to let us do what we want to do?
He's a dick because rule one was keep the area clean.
You're not even here.
You didn't even get to rule two.
I didn't take you aside.
This guy's unreasonable.
He's asking us to clean up after ourselves.
Why?
I don't know.
You'd meet against him for a reason.
Red captain.
Point of clarification.
Where is your waste hole?
You know, where everyone poops into.
My waste hole.
You know, the open pit that you poop into.
Okay.
Well, we don't have an open pit.
Partially because we are on a ship, holes are not considered very good.
So we like to keep things full list.
Now, what I can offer you is a very luxurious privy.
It's a small room.
You go and relieve yourself.
And then someone, usually the cabin boy, takes out the pot and they, you know, dump it over the side.
That's what a captain.
Are you going to make me do that, great captain?
I never made you do that.
Ah, but I made you do that, didn't I?
Yeah, that's because I thought, that's because you refused my idea of a poop shoot.
I told you that was a good idea.
He likes it.
And what happens when the poop shoot gets flooded?
The poop gets into the junk fort.
It turns out the poop shoot made a pretty good escape hatch.
I escaped through it.
It was a little dirty.
Well, you know, it was either that or death.
It was either that or death, you know.
All right, I'm going back to my aside.
Okay.
So, what do you want to do?
I still like him.
I know.
After that conversation, yeah, I'm kind of on his side now.
I feel like he could take us places.
Yeah, I feel like he's like an actual captain.
Yeah, he could get us out of this goddamn Duskval and probably take us to, like, Tahiti or something.
I don't know what a Tahiti is.
I've always wanted to go to Tahiti.
I don't know what a Tahiti is, but...
Get this.
The women don't wear tops.
I've seen it in National Geographic.
Were you not just on that same island I was?
Not...
No, no, no.
Not the crazy island.
The demon island.
To be honest, I don't remember.
No, you were shoving your fast pool of Bloomin' Onion.
And that...
And that was awesome.
I forgot about the Bloomin' Onion.
Do you want to go back there?
I forgot about the Bloomin' Onion.
We set that on fire.
I don't think that's the one we set on fire.
No.
But...
I don't know.
I kind of liked it just the three of us.
Well, four of us if you include Dee Dee.
What the hell is that?
And as you mentioned Dee Dee's name, she comes swinging out of the rigging where she's been hiding.
Dee Dee!
That is the other member of our crew, Captain.
Yeah.
You have a monkey?
I have assembled a fantastic crew.
We have an ape.
What's the difference?
The tail, mostly.
Now, Captain.
Captain.
I promised the little one a lab.
Any way we can make that work?
And a hot tub, apparently.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt your aside.
Continue.
Captain, I promised Junkles here a lab.
He might not hate me so much if I fulfilled that promise.
Well, I mean, with a monkey, do you think we really have room for a dog as well?
What?
Oh.
A lab.
Ah!
That's a razor sharp wit of the puns.
Listen, um, Yar.
What was this?
Oh.
It was supposed to be a picture, but it didn't work.
It's a bloomin' onion.
I gave up.
Well.
Oh, you mean a laboratory.
I promised him half of the undercarriage of the ship.
Well, that's the hold, you mean.
The hold.
Where we hold our goods.
Yes, that's it.
See, I will get this captaining thing down eventually.
I promise.
I'm working on it.
What do you know?
I'm glad we're talking like this, like we used to.
I'm a very, I'm a go-getter.
Was that to me you're telling me you're a go-getter?
No, I'm telling that to Juggles.
Okay.
Well, I can't promise half the hold, which is very necessary for our general survival on this ship.
What I can promise you is a room to make a laboratory.
Got it.
Juggles, I got your lab.
Did you or did you give me a lab?
You just seem like a middleman.
I, well, I procured it.
I was very much in the middle of the situation.
So now you can't be mad at me.
For lying.
And manipulating.
No, I don't.
You don't know what gaslighting means.
Do you even know how to spell it?
I don't think you have either.
I looked at the pictures.
Fair enough.
All right, Captain, Captain.
Your crew.
Ta-da!
Now, there's no need to put me in a brig or anything like that.
I'll just take, you know, the second-in-command's bedroom.
You know, like, and, you know, we'll just kind of settle in.
You guys want to settle in?
Let's go settle in.
I could go for a settling.
Wait.
You didn't give...
You didn't promise me anything.
I gave you the galley.
Shut up, Squish.
This is a precarious situation we're in.
No time to attend to your needs.
No, you're getting the galley.
We need a cook.
Don't we, Captain?
Aye, we do need a cook.
Yeah, see?
So...
But...
All right.
But do you really need...
Do you really need a lab?
Laboratory?
Well...
I...
What is with you in the pot and the stirring right here?
Look.
I don't know if I need a laboratory.
But this crew...
This ship really needs more than just, like, one person to run it.
I can't actually get it off out of...
Into open sea.
I mean, we've just...
If you're not to notice this entire conversation,
We've really just been spinning in one large circle.
Oh, I didn't even know we were moving.
That's excellent.
That's how smooth...
You zoom out and the ship is just kind of, like,
slowly going in a large circle around itself,
right outside the bay.
That's the smooth sailing of the Kahuda wave, gentlemen.
Crossover.
I do need more than four men on my ship.
And I have three men...
Well, I have a man, a demon, and a small man, and a lady on my ship.
Oh.
Didi's pretty good.
She'll do whatever I tell her to.
How about a handicapped Jughead?
What?
Could you use one of those?
I'm not going to turn away any help at this point.
I have two rules.
Number one, again, clean up after yourself.
Please.
We all have to work here.
Please do not microwave fish.
Please make sure you wash your dishes.
Number two...
You can clean up yourself.
No mutiny.
I swear to God, if I have to come hunt you down and kill you all,
I'm not going to be happy about it.
Well, why can't we just kill you now?
Oh.
You don't want to...
I mean, I suppose we could have, like, a duel here on the front deck.
No, no, no, Chuckle.
Not, sorry.
No, no, no, Patches.
Yes, let's have a duel, you and I, on top of my ship.
I think that's an excellent idea.
You don't want to do that.
Listen, listen, listen.
And as he...
You know how I kept trying to...
It solves a lot of problems for us.
He is...
Remember how I pretended to be a ghost pirate?
Wait, he is that ghost pirate.
Wait, you're not a ghost pirate?
I am a ghost pirate.
I'm working on it.
I'm in training.
I'm an intern.
You've been an intern this entire time?
The captain stops very loudly.
Just one large bootstomp.
And as he does that, from the floorboards and from the sides of the ship, just this bright green sludge slime just kind of comes out of the ship and forms human forms.
Essentially ghosts are within the very belly of the ship.
And they take you, Squish, and they wrap one arm on either side of you.
They kind of are holding you.
They take patches, as you're now called.
We're going to have to change your name in here.
They take patches.
They bind him.
Chuckles one large man just kind of puts his shoulders on you.
These are all ghosts, by the way.
Hey.
Yeah.
Let me know.
So the thing is, I am a ghost pirate.
I've killed every single person that's ever wronged me.
And they serve in my ship.
I'm more than happy to take the four of you along.
And we can live happily together.
Travel the seven seas.
Be pirates.
Go sightseeing.
But if you ever try to double cross me, I'll fucking kill you.
So.
Are you guys dueling or what?
Are we good?
Is this going to be like an actual duel?
Or are you going to use your magic like, uh.
Oh, no.
This was a threat.
This was just a little threat.
I haven't had a chance to throw off.
I'm thoroughly scared.
I have urinated my pants.
Are we all thoroughly impressed?
We're not going to try to murder me in my sleep.
Or burn my ship alive.
Or do something silly like that.
I see it didn't occur to me until just now.
Can we all agree to get some love?
I mean, I've got a hold full of root vegetables.
I'm sure rootabaga is among them.
Okay.
All right.
Well, then.
All right.
I'll take control of the galley.
All right.
Huckles will find something for you useful to do.
I don't know.
Tinker in your lab a little bit.
Maybe you'll have fun.
Patches.
Wow.
Talk down to me.
Why don't you?
Well, I don't know what you're capable of.
Neither do you.
Try your hardest and we'll see what happens.
Wow.
It's inspirational.
I just imagine I'm like held down still.
Kind of like on the floor.
Kind of dejected.
Patches.
Yar.
Patches.
He kind of stands above you.
He goes, Patches.
I always had faith that you'd somehow turn yourself around.
And I've been disappointed so far.
I was a captain until you came back.
If you would just not have come back to your ship, I'd still be a captain.
The logic was sound.
Well, I don't really care about your logic.
But so far, you're the only one who has actually any sort of sea-faring experience.
So I begrudgingly will allow you onto my ship.
Yeah.
Hooray.
And you're a rutabaga's poison.
And a DD.
Well, it's always good to have someone who's good at the rigging.
So I formally invite you to be members aboard my ship.
To be my crew.
Can I get a hearty R-Arg?
It's a hoi-ar.
Good enough.
And with that, he walks away.
The ghosts release their grip upon all of you.
They kind of slowly die and slither back into the ship.
And when they're gone, it looks just normal.
There's no, like, feeling of haunting or of horror there.
It's not like it's a scary ship.
It's just a very normal ship.
But there are ghosts everywhere.
Boy.
Yeah.
We can't even talk in private anymore.
They're going to watch me while I use the bathroom, probably.
Yeah, you get off on that, though.
It's fine.
Speaking of that, do we want to take a quick break?
All right.
So, welcome.
Welcome back.
I feel like we wrapped it all up.
Well, that really, that was the end of that chapter.
All right.
So, we have some housekeeping things to attend to.
Okay.
If you all want to open up your character sheet.
So, you're going to see that you've been gaining some, like, ability points and whatnot.
You're going to go ahead and reset that and just give yourself three XP points.
These are things you can use.
You can get, upgrade your abilities, add a new ability.
You can add it to your skill points.
But you get three.
I don't know where that is.
So, if I use it on those little things in the bottom right corner.
Go to the character sheet, go to abilities, plus, it's at the end.
It's those, it looks like those tabs.
Right, Bridget?
Right.
So, you can add an ability, which is, like, a special maneuver.
And then you have to pick within your class.
So, Tiger, you're a tinkerer.
So, anything with a T before it, you can do that.
Or you can add it to your skill level.
So, if you have, like, you know, if you're, like, Brandon.
I'm just looking at yours really quickly.
You wanted to give yourself a tinkerer point or a prowl point or skirmish or add two, whatever.
You have three.
So, you can do three abilities, three skill points, whatever you'd like.
How do I get mastery?
Mastery?
Yeah, it won't let me upgrade my tinker, because I already have three.
And the tip says, the scoundrel lacks mastery.
Sounds like it's an ability or something.
Here, let me look into it.
I might have to look at these for next week.
Yeah, I don't expect you to have, like, an answer at the moment.
We're just going to do some downtime stuff the rest of the evening.
Okay.
But let me look at it really quick.
See what you have to do to get mastery.
Because it doesn't say there's mastery in any of mine.
Yeah.
Scoundrel lacks mastery.
Oh!
Oh, that's a crew upgrade.
Hold on, let me do it.
I think I can fix that.
Let me see.
My name is Itzy B.
Okay.
What are we doing?
Manage.
Okay.
Let me look into that and figure out how I can activate it.
Because you should be able to.
Let me make that an action point.
Is this a new one?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, just take a look at those and let me know tomorrow.
Not tomorrow.
Next time we play, which ones you've picked.
You're also going to upgrade our crew.
Oh, we don't have the crew in here yet.
Well, I mean, you are.
Are we still the ball blasters?
Yeah.
All right.
I got mine picked out.
Oh, you got your picked out?
What did you pick?
I took another in Sway.
Okay.
And then I added Ghost Hunter.
Ghost Hunter.
Your hunting pet is imbued with spirit and energy.
It gains potency when tracking or fighting the supernatural and gains an arcane ability.
Ghost form, mind link, or arrow swift.
Take this ability again to choose an additional arcane ability for your pet.
So, obviously, DD is my pet.
Yeah.
That's what I, yeah.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Cool.
And then did you do one more?
Well, because I think Ghost Hunter takes two.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Oh, I see that on here.
Plus two.
Yeah.
Okay.
Cool.
Uh, Patches, you need some time to think about it?
Yar.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, Patches is going to think about it.
And then, uh, Chuckles will think about it.
Now, I do need to know, because I got to pick an arcane ability, Ghost form, mind link, or arrow swift.
And I don't know how to see those.
Let's see.
What do you have extra?
I have not extra, but for my pet, I can choose ghost form, mind link, or arrow swift.
Oh, okay.
And I don't know what those are.
Oh, let me find out.
Okay.
Did you know my initials are DD?
What's your last name?
Charles Xander Doubleday.
Oh, you got triple D.
Charles Xander Doubleday?
Oh, yeah, I guess so.
Yeah.
But Doubleday is one word.
And the D's are silent.
Charles Xander has a D in it, too.
Yeah, the D is silent.
Famously.
I'll start with the D.
D, D, D.
Okay.
So, uh, you can upgrade your crew, too.
Uh, we don't have to pick anything right now.
I can send you guys a list of things we can do.
But you guys are, uh...
Oh, I'm looking at the sheet on...
In here.
Mm-hmm.
And I don't know what it means.
What?
Oh, I'm looking at the sheet in Foundry.
Yes.
Is there a way to get rid of trauma?
Uh, yes.
We're gonna be healing.
Years and years of therapy.
Sure.
Might have to get one of those on the ship.
Uh, so...
I had one.
To get rid of trauma?
Yeah.
Remember that nice lady that was blind?
And used to pat me on the head and tussle my hair?
And I paid her?
And onions?
We weren't there.
Yeah.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
All right.
That's right.
Yeah, so, uh, there's upgrades and abilities you guys can get.
You said you couldn't see that, Tiger?
In the, uh, Foundry?
What can I see in there?
What?
What can I see in there, you said?
Uh, I was asking if you could not see it.
Uh...
I could...
Yeah.
I could see it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, so, uh...
Wait, what animals are rutabagas toxic to?
Uh...
It doesn't say.
Okay.
All it says is it's not toxic to humans.
I hope it's not apes.
Let's see, I'm gonna type in apes.
Uh, two apes.
I will send those to you.
Inclusive.
Inconclusive.
The computer says inconclusive.
Well, you have a lab.
All right.
Cool.
All right.
Uh, you guys, your crew has upgraded to tier two, so you can now have up to a dozen people in your gang, which means you can hire others if you want.
Hooray.
Probably hire a therapist.
Yeah.
Slash prosecutor.
Uh, we cut to, uh, squish laying on a chaise lounge, uh, talking to Dee Dee, who is now wearing glasses and holding a pen of paper.
With a cigarette in her mouth?
Yeah.
Ook.
Ook, ook.
Uh, yeah, so I'll send you guys the list, uh, the crew upgrades, uh, I'll figure out the hound abilities, and then what we need to do to open mastery.
And then, yeah, just take a look at your abilities and let me know, uh, you two, which you'd like.
Okay.
Uh, so, uh, we'll do a quick, so you guys can get a little view of the ship.
Oh, okay.
You guys see that?
Yeah.
Yes.
So, the, there is technically four, well, three levels of your ship.
Four, I think.
There we go.
So, there's the main deck.
That's where you guys are standing.
Uh, you have a three-mast ship.
Uh, you know, pretty normal.
Uh, at the very back, or as some of them say, aft of the ship.
The aft of the ship, yeah.
There is the quarter deck.
So, this is, like, where the captain, if you walk in here, uh, this is kind of like that area.
You know, you have the main deck.
You have, like, two platforms up here.
This is the area underneath the platforms that are covered, but are still on the main deck.
This is the quarter deck.
Uh, on the aft portion, this is the captain's quarters.
Uh, there is a dining room back here.
The captain's, uh, private rooms.
Um, this is not where you are allowed to go.
Uh, this is not your...
It's got a lot of beds in there, though.
Uh, in the aft section, or not the aft section, the fore section, so the front of the ship, uh,
those are some sleeping quarters.
They're just small rooms with beds in them.
They're nothing fancy.
I like that.
I don't know about ships.
Yes, that is where you live.
So, where's my kit?
Where's my...
Where's the galley?
So, now you go, uh, down...
So, if you went back...
If you left the quarter deck, you'd be on the front deck.
You'd be on the top deck.
You go down the stairs, and you get to the lower deck.
Uh, so, there are cannons in the central part of the lower deck.
There is more ship...
A crew housing in the, uh, fore...
Or no.
Is it aft?
It doesn't matter.
The front of the ship.
There's more crew housing.
Uh, and in the very back, there is your, um...
Oh, okay.
There's your galley.
Okay.
So, it's got a dining area, but it's a pretty well-stocked galley.
Um, it has pretty much everything you would need for long-haul journeys.
It's not as fancy as your restaurant in the Golden Plume, and you won't get as, you know...
I wouldn't say exotic ingredients, because you can forage if you'd like, but, uh, you know,
it's a pretty down-to-earth...
Sorry, hold on.
Some dirt bikers behind their house.
Brandon, go get them.
No, I do see, like, uh, a hammock in the corner here.
Yes.
Yes, there is a, there is a hammock in the corner.
That's mine.
Okay.
You're gonna sleep in the galley?
I'm gonna sleep in the galley.
No, I do see a latrine over here.
That's mine.
No, latrine belongs to everyone.
No, not this one.
With the ship pipes.
Leave them out.
Where's the latrine?
The latrine is one of these small rooms,
right between the kitchen and where you see these cannons.
It's on either side.
There's two.
Oh, God.
It's also general storage.
Oh, it's got two.
Two latrine.
This ship is meant to have a crew of, like, 30 people.
Oh.
And you have to shit side by side?
No, no, no.
It's, it's on either side, like, across the hall.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Across the hall.
I think I liked it better when we all just use the same, we just use a hole in the middle
of the room.
Well, that's what the greats are for, right?
No, those lead to the hold, which is the very bottom of the ship.
This is where they store their supplies.
This is where you store your, you know, regular repair supplies, extra ammunition, food, general
treasury, booty, that sort of thing.
It is not where you stomp your number twos.
I repeat, it is not where you stomp your number twos.
Where's the brig?
Uh, the brig is also in, uh, the hold.
Just somewhere around there?
Yeah.
It's just a little sectioned off area where it's, like, a little bit beneath, beneath the
hold, so it's, like, its own separate room, but it's, uh, it's not visible on this particular
map.
Okay.
It's a hole.
It's a hole in the hold.
Right below our, our poop mashing grate.
I, I repeat.
You will not mash your number twos in the grate.
Not even if it's above the brig?
What?
Not even if the grates are above the brig?
Bridget's trying to figure out what exactly we're talking about here, and it's not good.
No, I know what you're talking about.
You're talking about some waffle stomping, okay?
And, uh, I would rather...
Waffle stomping, that's what it's called.
Yeah, I would rather you not waffle stomp on the boat, but, I mean, I can't say that.
It would stop you either.
No, but if it leads into the brig, whatever.
Yeah, fair is fair.
Yeah.
Fair is fair.
There's a reason they're in there.
All right.
Well, you guys have, uh, time.
You can all do two activities each, uh, in your downtime.
So, if you want to relieve stress, or you want to heal yourself, or intake, indulge in your vices, we can do that.
Well, I don't think gambling's gonna be big here.
But I do want to relieve stress by, like...
On a pirate ship?
Of course it's gonna be...
Oh, I guess there's nobody here.
There's only four of us.
So, the ship is...
It is very...
It's a nice ship.
It's not, like, super fancy or anything, but it's a very clean, um, organized, tidy ship.
Um, and despite the fact that there's only been the captain on it for a while, and before that was a bunch of mutineering pirates, um, it is relatively well-kept.
But it is strange that there's nobody here.
Again, this is a ship that is supposed to have a crew of, like, 30 people, and there's nobody here.
Uh, it's just the four of you.
And cleaning up after yourself is rule number one.
And rule number one is cleaning up after yourself.
Right.
And rule number two is no waffle stomping.
I repeat.
No waffle stomping.
Well, it was no mutineering, but you're right.
I'm gonna make...
You know what?
In fact, let's just move that up to rule number one.
Rule number one, no waffle stomping.
Okay.
All right.
Fine.
Um, but yeah, no, I'd like to go in the kitchen or view the stocks and see what...
What are available.
And cook some food.
I was supposed to say rule one.
Uh, yeah.
So, you go to the galley.
This is your galley.
Holy crap.
It is...
Yeah, it's a decent-sized galley.
I mean, it's definitely enough for you, Squish.
Um, especially since you're not, like, having to compete with the other chefs at the Royal Plume.
It's the most kind of space you've ever had to cook.
Um, but it is healthy.
It's not a huge kitchen.
Like, it is enough just for you, uh, to go out and perform a feast.
Uh, so, take it, take it, Squish.
Your picture popped up and your character looks so happy to be here.
He does.
But yeah, so, no, I'd just like to see what kind of food is available to make and just spices and whatnot.
To figure out, you know, what I can make.
And then I'll let the other, well, I guess three now, uh, like, taste the food.
Uh, let me see here.
Wait, what have we got?
So, does that resolve some stress?
Yes.
Um, we're going to end tonight.
You guys are going to be clean of your stress and your trauma.
So, you don't need to really roll.
Okay.
Just, like, actually lower your stress.
We're going to start with off of the clean state.
But I am going to have you, uh, just roll your, your, uh, either, I would say study, um, just to, or survey.
You can pick which one.
Uh, just to see kind of what the supplies are like on this ship.
Okay.
Actions.
Survey.
No, modifiers.
That is six.
I succeeded.
Yes.
Uh, so, uh, as you look around the ship, it has pretty much anything that you can imagine that you want for a long journey.
You have plenty of, like, root vegetables.
You have lots of preserved fruits and vegetables.
Um, you have lots of smoked meats.
Uh, there is still.
No, I know where to go to get onions.
There's some, there's a lot of smoked meats.
Uh, there's even some canned meats, which is kind of a new technology at this point.
Um, but there are, you can tell too, there's clearly, like, fresh fish aboard.
Um, there's a, like, a large marlin.
Uh, on the, on the deck.
And you can tell, like, there's crabbing material.
And there's just tons of stocked spices and sauces.
And, um, there's not a lot of, like, in terms of, like, dairy.
There's nothing like that.
Um, that's something you're going to have to pick up at port if you want.
Um, but other than that, it is a very well-stocked kitchen.
Um, you can make pretty much whatever you want.
Perfect.
Does that include boom-boom sauce?
Uh, yes.
You still have the recipe remembered for, uh, the famous boom-boom sauce.
Squishy's boom-boom?
Or boom-boomy squish-boom?
What was it?
I thought it was just boom-boom sauce.
I don't know about anything about that.
I thought there, I thought we came up with another one.
It was, like, squishy boom-boom sauce or something.
Yeah, it was something like that.
No, but it is a, it is a fiery sriracha sauce.
It's not lame.
You're lame.
Spoken like a true non-lame-o.
Hmm.
Rude.
Reed.
Rude.
Okay, yeah, I guess that's my, my two.
Okay, uh, you're gonna stay in the kitchen and you're gonna cook up a meal.
Sorry, I gotta go grab a charger.
Be right back.
Um, all right, who's next?
Uh, Chuckles, uh, or, uh, Patches.
Patches.
Patches, what would you like to do?
Why don't you go first, Chuckles?
I did, I'm exhausted.
Ugh.
Uh, do you have something in mind or you just pick something nearby?
Can I tinker with my gun again?
No.
Um, I was thinking maybe, maybe the sails?
Sorry, I'm gonna clear something out of here.
Get out of here.
Great captain.
The great captain.
I kinda like that.
That might be what I, my new moniker.
Hey, uh, Chuckles.
Uh, yeah.
So you're, uh, tell me about taking apart these sails.
Yeah, I'm just gonna start.
Everybody's just kinda scattered.
And I'm just, uh, sort of bored.
And I wanna get, I wanna get used to the ship,
cause I've never really been on a ship before.
I mean, I was on a barge, but, um,
it was mostly just a plank and a stick.
So, yeah, I wanna climb up the, uh, the mast
and start taking stuff down.
And just sorta studying it and figuring it out.
Right.
Uh, roll a, roll a tinker to see how well you're doing with this.
Let's just say it was very well.
But there's a consequence.
I get yelled at by the captain.
Yeah, so you're, uh, as you're kind of, like, undoing
and doing the knots, um, you kind of get into this rhythm
of just messing with your hands.
Um, you're not really paying attention
to what's going around you.
So you completely miss the fact that, yes, uh,
Captain Fitzglyde, uh, is kind of stocked up behind you.
And he's watching you, what you're doing.
And he sees you messing with the sails.
Wave him off.
Later, later.
Excuse me.
I take it.
I stand up.
I take it you, I take it you don't know much about sailing.
Is that correct?
I don't know much about sailing.
That is correct.
Yes.
Uh, you know how I know that.
I have a very good keen eye.
And also, um, we need these sails to catch that.
You feel that breeze on the back of your neck.
Uh, yes.
I do.
Yes.
You can also smell, because you're downwind, you can slightly smell the captain.
And it doesn't smell good.
Uh, it's just like, kind of like, it's, it's not so bad that it's like gross, but it's like,
well, he needs a shower.
Um, yeah, he's, he goes, you know how I, you feel that breeze.
Now those sails, believe it or not, can actually catch the breeze.
Uh huh.
And when you have them on the ground here like that, they don't really catch the breeze.
So how about you scurry back up on those ropes and, uh, put the sails back together?
Excuse me if I may, Red Captain.
But.
Red Captain.
All condescension aside.
Have you considered using a constrictor knot instead of a clove hitch on these, uh, these ropes?
Um, yeah, you get the job done.
But, uh, you are better served by using the constrictor knot.
All right, he, uh, he's going to pick up the, the knots that you're referencing and he's going to look at them and go,
Huh.
And kind of tugs on them a little bit.
He gives it a good test run.
He goes, huh.
Well, I suppose you're right.
Yeah, that did seem like an overall better knot.
Let me ask you something, uh, Chuckles.
If you don't mind my pry and, uh, how did you get in with this gang in the first place?
That is a good question.
I don't know.
Is that like a metaphorical, I don't know how my life, how I've made so many bad choices to get here?
Or is that more of a, I've been kidnapped?
Or is it even a, I have amnesia, don't know?
Because in this world, it could be any of them.
Well, it's less, it's less a kidnapping and more of a, what do you call it, Stockholm syndrome?
Um, I was very lonely and they gave me a sense of belonging.
So, you know, I just kept going.
And they gave me a newfound confidence.
Also, I never graduated from school.
And it'll never take me back.
Oh, you're just really bonding with this father figure right away.
Oh, yeah.
You just, you just, you just, you just, drama dumped on him.
Pretty quickly.
Oh, it's been a long, couple days.
If he tells you're here, I think you'll die.
Well, the best thing about being on a ship and serving with a captain and a crew is that
you always know your place and where you belong.
And he puts his, his, his hand on you and says, I don't know where yet you, you fit in here.
Uh, you seem like a very strange shaped key and you don't fit in a normal lock, but you know
what they say about strange shaped keys.
You always forget them.
Okay.
Well, it sounds like a backhanded compliment if I've ever heard one.
The point is, is that we'll find the strange shaped lock that you fit in your strange shaped
key.
Hey boy.
Uh huh.
E boy.
Yes.
You seem like you're pretty good with knots.
Yeah.
Can I be not captain?
Uh, no, but we do need a chief rigger.
Chief.
Can I be best boy?
Best man.
Out of character, but isn't that a title in like a movie set?
Someone's the best boy.
Yeah.
If you'd like to be the best boy, but you perform the actions of a chief rigger, then
by all means you can be a chief rigger.
Wow.
You're tough, but you are fair.
Well, I, I do.
I admire a strong eye and a strong eye and a key hand.
Uh, but what I am going to tell you too, is this.
Don't trust patches.
I'm starting to believe that he sounds like a manipulator.
Although to be honest, you also sound like an abusive husband.
Well, what's fair is fair.
That's for fair.
But, uh, I get it.
We're still feeling each other out.
You get a one.
I'm just saying, I think, uh, I think you're a very smart and intelligent young man, and
I think you can accomplish great things.
And yes, I just worry about the sort of company you keep.
That's all.
Well, do you want me to lock him in the brig?
Is that part of my duties as master rigger?
No, don't.
It's no.
Because quite frankly, as good as you are at tying knots, I, I fear that if I put you
behind the wheel of the ship, you might actually crash us.
Yeah.
This guy sounds like he's like a big intimidating pirate, but now he's just like a really nice
supervisor you guys just got.
Well, you, you keep on these knots and you remember that you can always come and let me
know about your issues.
My door is always open unless it's closed, in which case I'm either not there or I want
some privacy.
So if my door is closed, make sure you knock first.
But other than that, doors open.
Come on in.
That's how doors work.
Well, thank you.
I might take you up on that.
I feel like this is the budding of a great relationship.
Oh, I have the same feeling.
And he like puts his hand on your shoulder and gives it a good squeeze.
I already forgotten the other guy and what color he was.
All right.
Wow.
Catches.
What are you up to?
I'm halfway down the ship, like hanging around the corner, looking at like the captain and
and chuckles.
Oh, he's so bad.
And I'm just glaring, like super jealous and angry.
And so then I, as soon as the conversation starts ending, I start, I make my way down the ship.
And I'm looking for like my old, my old room that I used to have here.
It's a little, it's a, it's the janitor's closet that's over here.
Well, we call it the cabin boys closet.
Well, we call it the water, the, the water closet.
But, uh, I go in there and, uh, really, what's the difference really?
Well, a water closet has access to the outside that you can use if you need to go to the bathroom.
Anyway, um, that's where my bedroom's at.
So when I said the latrine is mine, I meant it.
Um, which one bathroom?
I did not now.
I was a captain for a whole, like, I don't know how long we were on the drunk fort for, but anyway,
uh, we were on, we were, I mean, like in real world time or no, I don't, I don't care.
Um, so I go into my, I go into my old room and I, uh, pick up and, uh, pick up a floorboard
and I pull out an old book.
It says pirating for dummies.
And I start rifling through it, looking at all my, all my, uh, my bookmarked levels and
kind of just sitting there and, uh, cause reading is my vice, right?
Yes, that is your vice.
I take, and then I take off my wooden leg, my wooden leg attachment and I drink cause drinking
is my vice, right?
Yes.
And then I close the door to the latrine.
Um, while the door is closed.
You hear me crying in there.
All my shattered dreams.
While you're crying, you, you hear Neelix, uh, who's, uh, still in your pocket.
Uh, sir, sir, is everything all right, sir?
I let him out.
Oh.
Neelix.
It's awful.
I never thought we'd be back here, sir.
Can you believe it?
No.
I didn't care.
I didn't.
I mean a yes, but I didn't think he'd be here.
I thought he died in the drink years ago.
Now my friends hate me.
And I'm back in this bathroom.
Hate's a strong word.
There are, there are bedrooms.
You're not here right now.
I'm in the bathroom.
There are bedrooms in the corner, Dexter.
You don't, you don't.
Hate's a strong word, but at.
There's bedrooms in the, in the corner, Dexter.
You don't need to sleep in the latrine anymore.
I guess you're right.
This all happened when I stole you.
Yeah, well, I should have told you that it wouldn't end well for you.
I wanted a ghost butler.
And I got it.
It turns out he wasn't happy that he took you.
If it's any consolation, sure, I'm not very happy to be back either.
He doesn't know I have you.
So you just got to keep quiet and stay in the bottle when he's around.
All right.
We can't let him know that you still, I still have you.
Okay.
All right, sir.
But before Neelix can finish, there's like a strong knock on the other side of the door.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
Occupied.
Boy, I know you've been using that as your bedroom.
You can get out now.
I opened the door and I, I had my pants down.
What?
Look, and it's the, uh, the captain, uh, the actual captain, Captain, uh, Fitzclay.
And he's like standing in front of you.
The actual captain.
He goes, look, I'm not going to say that I'm particularly happy to have you on my ship.
Well, I think justifiably, we all know what happened.
I remember it differently.
You remember it differently.
Look, I'm not trying to argue about the past or what happened or what didn't happen.
I'm just here to let you know.
I want to start things off on the right foot.
Well, you better because if I, if I, if you toss me overboard, those two, they're going to come after you.
They're, they're loyal.
They're good friends of mine.
Are you sure about that?
I, listen, you've only been here for an hour.
I've known these guys for months.
We're thick as, we're thick as thieves.
I don't want to argue with you.
I'm just trying to tell you.
You better watch yourself and make sure you don't step out of line and do try to clean up after yourself.
I'm very serious about that first rule.
I know.
I'll get back to sweeping.
Okay.
Just don't toss me off the ship.
He, he leaves you in his latrine and he walks away.
And let that be a lesson to you.
And I slammed the door to the bathroom.
All right.
So that's downtime round one.
Does anyone want to go for round two?
I don't think so.
You, you said that we have, you know, we'll get our, our trauma.
Yes, you're, you're going to get your healing.
Hold on one second, guys.
Sorry.
I took care of mine.
I'm going to go, I'm going to go visit Squish.
Oh, no.
All right.
You're going to, you go to the galley where Squish is and you kind of sit on this little stool.
Hold on.
Let me pull it up.
But when he walks in, though, I'm going to be in my, my hammock.
Kind of like wrapped up.
He doesn't know I'm there.
I'm going to sit down.
All right.
I'm going to stick a napkin in my collar.
I'm going to start pounding on the table.
I, I re, or I look up from that hand and go, what the fuck do you want?
No, I was just trying to get your attention.
I feel like maybe we should talk.
Yeah.
What do you want to talk about?
Let me get, let me struggle to get out of this.
God forsaken net.
Yeah.
Now I know how these fish feel.
And then Squish just like, stroll, stroll, and then just plops right onto the deck.
That's really funny.
And then I laugh.
And I look up and go, all right, I'm out.
What do you want?
How do you like this galley?
The galley's great.
It's got everything I need.
Mostly.
I think it's a little too, too great.
Hmm.
No.
I mean, it's not as good as the, the gilded plum, but.
So not suspicious.
I'm very suspicious of everything.
I don't know how to feel about this old captain guy.
Nor the old captain guy.
Well, we.
Shit has come to light, dude.
Old.
A lot of shit has come to light.
Old cabin boy, I guess.
Like, I don't really want to call him captain anymore.
Yeah.
Patch just seems like calling him a dog, which I don't really like either.
The dog's name.
No.
So, do you want to get rid of the new captain?
I know that you were just itching to kill something.
Yeah.
What if we kill the old captain?
I feel like that would be way, way easier.
No, that's something I never thought about.
It would be way easier.
You just got to put some boobooom sauce.
Kill both captains.
Apparently a toilet.
You want to kill both of them?
Yeah.
So then we inherit the boat.
Okay.
So we kill the old cabin person.
Person.
Yes.
Yeah.
Probably so far.
Yeah.
Explosive toilet.
Yeah.
But then we get rid of the new one.
Yeah.
It's just me, you, and DeeDee here.
Yes.
I like it.
How do you want to go about it?
I'm in.
Wait.
Are you wearing wires?
What?
No.
I don't even think that's a thing.
Okay.
Well, one before the other.
One of those two before the other.
Yes.
Yeah.
We can't kill them both at the same time.
They will not shit at the same time.
No, they can.
They can.
It may take a little while.
But I can do that.
I can make it.
I can make it happen.
But you know what they say about a bunch of men in a confined area.
Once they start living together, their cycles will sync up.
Yes.
Exactly.
We just have to eat at different times then.
Mm-hmm.
But.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I feel like maybe we should let the captain get in.
Who are you more apt to get rid of?
Well, the new captain seems like he actually knows stuff.
The old captain seemed to be getting us into a lot of trouble over basically verbal blunders.
Yeah.
The new captain.
I'm not big on rule number one.
Yeah.
Maybe we need an intervention.
No, you really should be with rule number one.
Rule number two seems kind of like.
Yeah.
Rule number two seems kind of loosey-goosey.
Yeah.
So.
But the new captain seems like it's too good to be true.
He might.
He's not a ghost.
We did check for that.
We did the touch.
He is not a ghost.
But he has control of ghosts.
Yeah.
But so was the old captain.
He was supposed to have control of ghosts too.
And, you know.
That was mostly a lie.
He did fuck it up on several occasions.
Yeah.
But maybe he's improving himself.
Like right now.
Yeah.
While he's sleeping in the bathroom.
Talking to himself.
Have you walked by the bathroom lately?
There's a lot of mumbling and grumbling in there.
Right on too.
Not the normal kind of pooping mumbling.
The weird, different kind of angry mumbling.
It's like Walter White at the end.
When he's like.
He's in the basement waiting to get picked up.
And he's all pissed off.
Because his life is over.
And he's just.
Yeah.
No.
Kill is definitely not off the table.
Yeah.
I say we give him.
We give him both a chance.
And then we'll see.
Oh.
You want to.
You want to make him.
Like.
Fight against each other.
I mean.
I was up for the dueling.
I tried that.
Then they pull out the ghost.
And as you know.
I am.
Very scared of ghosts.
Very afraid of ghosts.
Yeah.
So.
I caved.
Immediately.
Out of character.
I don't think.
I don't think Patches could beat.
That guy in a duel.
You think we don't know that?
No.
What is a plausible deniability?
Well we didn't kill him.
Got some monsters.
No.
But then.
Like.
I assume there's going to be some kind of damage.
To Redcoat.
Redcoat.
So.
After they duel.
Wait.
What am I talking about?
Captain is like.
He's part of us.
Like.
He got us here.
Yeah.
But is here a good place?
It's better than where we were.
Arguable.
But yes.
Right.
I like how that's just like.
Every existential crisis.
Like.
Boiled down.
It's arguable.
He got us here.
It's questionable.
Okay.
I mean he did destroy.
The only.
Mature relationship I had.
With my uncle.
It was very mature.
Yes.
Very mature.
A little too mature.
If you know what I'm saying.
A little.
A little rated R.
Yeah.
I think.
I think that.
I think that relationship.
Should have probably ended.
Sooner.
Rather than later.
He was going to give me a lot of money.
Squish.
Yeah.
He did get us here.
But under false pretenses.
But he got us here.
And he's really the only one of us.
That has.
He's not going to keep us here.
Experience.
The red captain has experience.
He does.
And he's going to teach us a lot of stuff.
He tussled my hair earlier.
He tussled it?
He did.
Okay.
So now I got to think about this.
Yeah.
I didn't think he was going to.
But at the very end.
He tussled my hair.
You are.
You are a sucker for people tussling your hair.
And giving me life advice.
Which is borderline manipulative.
I love that.
But I think he's got something hidden up his sleeve.
Oh.
For sure.
All captains do.
Well.
Yeah.
I have a sample size of one.
Right.
So.
I don't know.
Do you want to keep them both around for now until.
No.
Let's try and figure out what his deal is.
Surreptitiously.
Which one?
What?
Which.
Which one?
We got to look at that.
Well.
We also have to find out.
What the old guy's deal was too.
All right.
So you want to split this up?
Do you want to go after the old captain?
I'll go after the new captain?
Well.
He did tussle your hair.
So.
You should probably go after the new captain.
I feel like.
There's a lot of tension there.
But he's good.
I think he's good.
I think he's good for captain.
Captain Man.
Let me get this.
He tussled.
Junkle's hair.
And that's enough.
So.
He gave you.
Your own massive kitchen.
Too easy.
The hair tussling is way more.
Way more.
Is this.
Is this out of character?
Yeah.
Out of character.
Obviously I'm not here right now.
There was no hair tussling.
He just grabbed your shoulder.
Gave it a squeeze.
But now in character.
Oh.
Yeah.
But in character.
I don't know that he didn't do that.
Exactly.
No.
In character.
It's probably conflated to like.
A full on hug from the captain.
I think like.
In.
Chuckles.
This has become a much bigger deal.
Right.
I think he likes me.
It's like he touches.
He's got a crush on me.
He's like touching.
Oh.
Right.
So I gotta.
He's so tall.
I had to take his word for it.
I guess.
Because he's never blinded me.
He might as well have been a tussling.
Oh.
Oh no.
I definitely believe that he tussled his hair.
Yeah.
So.
Yeah.
I definitely believe.
He believes he tussled his hair.
So Junkles.
You try to.
It's not about the tussling.
About the message.
Wait.
No.
Hold on.
I'm.
Hold on.
You're getting way too ahead of this.
You're looking too far into.
Whatever.
The hair tussling thing.
You're getting way too ahead of it.
You take.
You take patches.
Gray captain.
Uh huh.
I'll take red captain.
Okay.
Alright.
Do you think he's allergic to rutabagas?
Is he a humanoid?
Yes.
Then it's highly.
We eliminated that.
Highly unlikely.
Okay.
What does it say?
Oh.
They're not toxic.
To humans.
And he's human as far as we know.
Oh.
Good point.
I'll make him a rutabagadish.
Oh.
And then we'll know if he's a demon.
Right.
So.
I want to prepare.
A rutabaga dish.
And I'll take it to his quarters.
Okay.
Just don't feed me the rutabagas.
I hate rutabagas.
They're disgusting.
Well then you're not human.
It's like.
No.
I'm human.
I can't eat them.
I just don't want to.
Oh.
Okay.
Fair enough.
Oh.
Wait.
Hold on.
Sorry.
Have you.
Okay.
Have you two finished your conversation?
We were finished ten minutes ago.
But we do have a plan.
We got.
All right.
Who's.
Who's doing what?
You've got your plan.
Who goes first?
Well I don't.
I don't want to go first.
You don't want to go first?
Okay.
No.
Then.
Then I'll.
Even though.
Boo's been sitting quiet for a while.
I do not want to.
All right.
I'll.
I'll go first.
Okay.
You go up to the.
Captain's quarters.
Now.
The door is.
Kind of.
Shut.
When you knock.
He does.
You know.
Come on in.
Enter.
And you enter into.
A set of pretty nice rooms.
So he's got multiple rooms.
In his quarters.
But you come into like.
His very.
His front hall.
Yes.
Which is very.
Nicely clean.
There's a bunch of books on the table.
There's candles.
He has a table there.
And he's sitting at the table.
And he goes.
Ah.
Squish.
Come on in.
I walk in.
I got a dish.
I've got a nice.
Beautiful.
Seared.
Marlin.
On top of some.
Rutabaga mash.
With some.
Roasted garlic.
And.
And seasonings.
A little bit of tobacco.
Not yet.
That's my secret ingredient.
Oh.
Sorry.
That smells amazing.
And when you said you were a chef.
I just assumed.
You meant it colloquially.
But no.
You meant it real.
No.
You really?
Real and biblically.
Yeah.
Wow.
Good luck.
I'm sure it's.
It looks delicious.
I'll dive into it.
In just.
Just a moment.
Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Yeah.
No.
I want to sit.
And I want to talk to you.
While you.
You have your meal.
Do you sit backwards on a chair?
You just gotta watch me eat?
Stop it.
Yeah.
No.
I already.
I already tried this.
And ate it.
It's delicious.
I didn't ask you if you had some.
I asked if you're watching me eat.
Well yeah.
You can eat while we talk.
There's a pirate ship.
All right.
You have food.
Shove it in your gullet.
Well I like the cut of your jib.
Toughly forward.
And he.
He sits down at the.
At the table.
And.
And starts eating.
So.
So what is it that you wanted to talk about?
Why were you so easy to cave to.
Mine and Junkle's.
Demands.
Oh.
A galley.
Well first off.
I mean.
This meal is delicious.
Who really won out on this one?
Huh?
Do you know what normally pirates eat?
Gruul.
Meal.
It's disgusting.
So much gruel.
What the fuck is that?
What's going on in the background?
You just put the thumbs up and it.
It goes.
It's pretty sweet.
Oh man.
He's had too much time off.
I mean.
I really don't.
I have enough to do.
To keep this ship up and running.
And headed in the right direction.
I don't really have time to cook.
I think I really won.
You really are underestimating.
How many people are required.
To run this ship.
We have a lot of work ahead of us.
In the morning.
No.
I've seen how big this ship is.
But like.
Right.
So you can see why having someone.
Who is a cook.
And as good cook.
As you.
Would be wonderful.
To have on board.
Well that's also why.
I.
I brought the food up.
Was to prove that.
I should be on.
On board.
Well.
You've proven it.
Well done.
Good job.
Perfect.
Um.
But like.
It.
What's your goal for.
Uh.
The other.
Your cabin boy.
What's your game man.
Yeah.
What are you.
What are you going to do with him.
You've gotten to know Patches.
Over some time.
Right.
Unfortunately.
Yeah.
He's an eager.
An eager boy.
An eager lad.
And sometimes.
He lets that eagerness.
Get ahead of him.
But.
Despite his.
Mutating of me.
Which I still need to repay him for.
Uh.
I think he.
Deep down.
Is not such a bad guy.
Told the other guy.
To watch out.
You're not there.
I mean.
Don't.
He.
He just.
He's a little rough around the edges.
And you know.
Sometimes.
He takes a little too much of the drink.
And he gets a little too much in his head.
But.
I think ultimately.
He could be a fine sailor.
Maybe not a fine captain.
But.
Maybe one of the finest cabin boys.
That ever lived.
A little too much of the drink.
He's got a fake wooden leg.
That is his flag.
That's not fake.
It's not.
I mean.
We're all pirates here.
I mean.
What's a little bit of drink.
Of leg liquor.
Than.
You know.
That we all haven't tried.
Once or twice.
Fair enough.
You ever have.
You ever have a drink.
Out of a shoe.
Yeah.
Actually.
That was kind of our thing.
Right.
It's weird.
That you mentioned that.
It's a pirate.
It's a pirate thing.
He's got his little leg liquor.
You've drinking.
Boot out of.
You know.
Booze out of a shoe.
Food.
But he's not the one that brought that up to us.
It's a common thing.
Oh.
Huh.
I did not know that.
I.
Worked in.
The finest.
Restaurant in Duskfall.
So.
That was not brought up to me.
And it was really frequented by a lot of pirates.
Right.
A lot of people who drink out of shoes.
That's the kind of locale.
You know.
Place.
No.
That's why I'm having this conversation with you.
You had the best.
The best of the best.
You had a very fine clientele.
Us.
Us pirates were a little rough around the edges.
Sometimes we drink.
Sometimes we stab.
Sometimes we drink out of a shoe.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes.
Did you say sometimes we stab?
Of course.
You don't tell me you've never stabbed anyone.
You've never shot anyone.
Have you killed anyone?
Oh.
I murder.
Don't get me wrong.
I murder.
I.
I bet you do.
And that's great.
That's the sort of gumption we need on this ship.
We need a real go-getter.
And if you keep cooking like this.
I know you can.
You can be up there someday too.
All right.
Then.
What.
What about Juckles?
Juckles?
A Juckles?
He seems like a little lost lamb.
Doesn't he?
Just a sweet little lost lamb.
Yeah.
He is.
Um.
Well.
Yeah.
You took him under your wing.
I can tell.
I can tell you really were the brains behind whatever operation you were running.
Let's not go that far.
Well.
All right.
I call it like I say it.
I'm usually not wrong.
That's fine.
You.
Hey.
If you want to think that.
That's fine.
But like.
You.
You really gonna.
You want to keep him on board?
Chuckles?
Well.
Yeah.
Juckles.
Look.
You don't know anything about being a pirate.
You've never heard of drinking out of a shoe.
I think we need patches here to actually help run the ship.
I actually do need a.
One competent cruise man.
And.
Juckles.
He.
He did a fine cloven knot the other day.
I.
The other.
You know.
Just a minute ago.
I saw it.
It was very.
Very good.
I think he has potential.
Okay.
And you have potential too.
I would like to see myself.
I'm the sort of person.
Stop it.
Tiger.
Potential in others.
And we.
I foster that potential.
Until they grow up and they.
Well.
They probably will mute me at some point.
But.
You know.
That's why you have the ghost backup crew.
Right.
One.
Scared a ghost.
Let's just roll over that.
Two.
What is your plan.
For us.
That is a very good question.
And.
I am excited to.
To share with you my plan.
Not tonight though.
We've had.
We've had a little bit too much.
Excitement.
But we do have a plan.
Yeah.
Okay.
Have you ever been to Ticharos?
I ask.
Not because you're a demon.
But because you seem like a well-traveled man.
Have you been to Ticharos?
Have I?
It's up to you.
Have you been to Ticharos?
You are a poor demon.
That's where the demons come from.
Right?
Yes.
That is.
Now that doesn't mean.
That's like saying though.
Like.
You know.
That's the homeland.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
That's like asking.
I'm not going to say anything.
No.
I've never been.
But I've always wanted to.
Oh.
Well.
You might be in luck.
I might have a plan to stop there for a minute or two.
But we've got grand things ahead of us.
Lots of things to do on the open seas.
All right.
Well.
What about you?
Where do you want to go?
Me?
I want to go to Ticharos.
Yeah.
All right.
Well.
I want to go there.
I want to.
I want to connect with them.
And I want to figure out the.
God damn it.
Tiger.
The captain's finished his.
His meal now.
And he hands you back the dirty plate.
And he goes.
Make sure you get that cleaned.
But I think.
Oh.
I thought roll number was clean up after yourself.
Oh.
Yeah.
Got me.
Yeah.
Got me.
Oh.
He takes the dish back.
And he claps you on the shoulder.
And he's like.
I think.
You're good.
Burn.
You're going to make a good meal.
You have an inquisitive mind.
And you're going to enjoy Ticharos.
I guarantee it.
All right.
I take the plate.
And I walk out.
Oh.
I didn't even have to clean my own plate.
Broke rule number one.
What a nasty.
What a nasty boy is he.
I got you this time.
But next time.
Mm.
Captain.
Yeah.
Shuts the door.
I didn't learn anything.
Hail the Junkport Boys.
In the night they roam.
Souls and wolves with fire and cruel.
With a clash and a crash and a twist of fate.
Explosions mark the hours never late.
The Junkport Boys.