Hail the Jump Fork boys, in the night they roam, solving wolves with fire and cruel.
With a clash and a crash and a twist of fate, explosions mark the hours never late.
Alright. Oceanside Weekly. There's a printing press down here. Fish, out of water.
In preparation for their voyage to Titaros, the gang reunited, returned to Laftara.
Chuckles found some materials for some speakers, a task assigned to him on request from the Red Captain.
Squish met a reluctant cartographer who agreed to sell the map at a bargain in exchange for some monkfish.
Luckily, Squish had caught such a fish earlier that day and sent Chuckles and Patches back to the ship to retrieve it.
While Chuckles met up with Squish, Patches took the opportunity to spy on the Red Captain.
All he was doing was practicing the ukulele and failing, badly.
Meanwhile, after this successful negotiation, Squish and Chuckles headed back to the boat.
Squish became distracted and then bewitched by a band of demon floutes.
Chuckles used his mighty fist to knock some sense into Squish, and the pair retreated to the ship, but not before receiving a free CD from the demon band.
The crew now waits for their next instructions.
They've been warned about the dangers to Titaros, but like most warnings and foreshadowings, this will probably be ignored.
I feel like there's a little bit of editorializing in there, and I don't appreciate it.
Listen, I'm not making the newspaper. Somebody is.
There's a prank press on there?
Right.
Where?
Paper and ink.
Press paper?
So that CD, I re-listened to last week, which is always a good idea.
And that CD, is it a learn how to ukulele CD?
No.
A learn how to ukulele from the demon floutes.
Well, they did, I thought they did offer some kind of learning.
They taught, they were all gonna offer you a flute, and then when you didn't take it, they slipped the CD in your back pocket, I think.
They were really insistent.
Like it, kind of like it was necessary to the plot that you take that fucking flute.
Yeah, I mean, I didn't upload like a special image for it, anything.
I don't play the fucking flute, no!
How was I supposed to know what the hell a flute is?
I thought it was a stupid flute.
I thought it was a Mexican sandwich.
A faluta.
The captain did have a book on his shelf, though, called How to Play Ukulele for Dummies.
Interesting.
Apparently he has not been reading it.
No, he's not very good at it.
He sucks.
We don't know, we're not spying on him.
He might not be able to read it.
No, I'm spying on him, and he sucks.
Don't say that too loud!
Why?
Because he'll hear you.
Yeah, he's a, he's a...
He has ears everywhere on this ship.
He's an ugly...
He has ghosts everywhere on this ship.
Ghosts, ghost ears.
He's an ugly David Spade-looking motherfucker.
It's, it's got me wondering why he needs this at all.
Wow.
It's like you're asking the important questions.
Yeah.
I mean, all we do is put holes in this ship.
Well, is it really putting more holes if you're just widening one?
Yeah.
Well, I widened in one.
But the great captain, he made three holes.
And then they all got repaired while we were, you know, farting around in town.
By ghost.
Back to my original point.
What are we doing here?
If he can have ghosts do everything.
Hanging out.
I mean, why would you, if you have ghosts that do everything, you don't have to do anything.
Wait, are we hanging out?
Are we...
I lost track.
Where are we at?
We were supposed to get a map.
We made it back to the ship.
We have the map.
It is a map to Ticharos.
It is a...
It is a long journey there.
It's not fast.
And a long map.
And a big map.
Some, you know, housekeeping things.
You guys all earned 4 XP.
From what?
Hold on.
Just being cool.
Well, that doesn't apply to all of us.
So you got some from your fight with Donald Carnage.
Let's see.
Chuckles, you got one, I think, for managing to blow up...
No, that was Patches.
Patches was able to throw a hole, or throw a cannonball into the ship.
Patches also got one for successfully navigating the ship.
Squish, you got one for shooting a guy from the crow's nest.
Let's see.
Yeah.
You guys just...
You got a few...
What did Chuckles do?
Chuckles, I think you tinkered something.
I honestly don't remember if this was from the last phone.
But it just was for Chuckles.
Oh, you were...
Because I did that.
Remember?
Chuckles, you...
You got the ingredients to make your speakers.
That's true.
The knot on wires.
Yeah, the knot on wires.
The knot on wires.
That I smacked somebody in the nose with.
Twice.
Actually, it was...
I like...
The brother of good sir.
Upon re-listing, I had to think for a second.
Am I asking you if you didn't just do that in character, or as your DM?
Yeah, I know.
I could tell.
Did you really just do that?
Was that out of character?
Was that wrong?
How you guys negotiated?
Was I wrong?
Horribly well.
Was that not correct?
Is there any wiggle room with the colonies?
What?
Nothing.
Go on.
Just give it...
So yeah, give yourself four XP.
All right.
I don't think that's enough to level up, but you, you know, give yourself a little something-something for your efforts.
It does make you feel good.
I feel...
I only threw away.
I feel 50% stronger.
Gassing?
Is it gas?
Always.
Some other housekeeping things.
So you guys are currently docked in Last Hurrah.
You have not left yet.
Oh, that's right.
One thing, though, is that your food supply has gotten a little bit lower, so you did catch a monkfish to replenish that, but then you gave your monkfish away.
Although...
I did get away.
Wow.
I did get a bite of it.
That sounds like Squish's department.
Squish, what are you doing with our fucking inventory?
Yeah.
We're all pulling our weight up here, and you are doing nothing.
You're giving away all this...
You're net zero.
You did get a bite of it, though.
No, I didn't.
And you were fucking...
Oh, right, right, right.
You were entranced by it.
Allegedly.
Yeah, well, Squish doesn't know that, but there was a bite taken out of it, and you were entranced by it.
Oh, no.
I found it.
I found it like that.
Squish definitely knows that.
No, he doesn't.
Squish doesn't have any proof.
He's also not very clever.
Wow.
Well, no, you're...
Look who's talking.
You're probably clever, but Squish is not.
He's real stupid.
He's dumb as hell.
Hold on.
Let me check the stats here.
Intelligence zero.
Intelligence negative degree.
Intelligence zero.
He's a big part, too.
A couple other things, though.
You are out of a...
For your speakers, you are...
You're halfway there.
So you have the knowledge.
You have the parts.
The food supply already talked about.
The armory.
We are still out of a six o'clock.
We only have one.
Again, that is because we have three cannonballs and one cannon.
Nothing new there.
That is your domain.
And then navigating to Ticharos.
So you got two Lesterov.
You got yourself a map.
And then you got like four other little sections here.
Still to fill out.
All right.
Yeah.
So the captain's reviewed the map.
And he, the next day, has gathered you...
Well, later that evening after reviewing it, he's gathered you all in the deck.
And he's got the map out in front of you.
And you're all around it looking at it.
But pretty quickly, he can tell that some of you are incapable of reading maps.
And some of you are disinterested in reading maps.
Rude.
I think I told him I can't read a map.
I told him I could.
And I feel like it's assuming a lot about me.
No, you actually...
Because I'm sure.
You confessed that you couldn't.
I know.
I said I couldn't read.
I said one of you couldn't read.
And one of you are disinterested.
And you've already decided which is which.
I think that's telling on yourselves here.
Disagree.
I own up to it.
All right.
And he's kind of showing you the map.
And again, to that end.
So you can all see it again.
Show me.
One second.
Oh, he's got to go poop.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
We can hear you.
I'm pooping.
Oh, boy.
This is embarrassing.
I bet he's talking to his mom.
Yes.
Namas, boy.
Yeah.
Where's the map?
Did you send it?
I'll tell you.
But I got to play.
It's my weekly game tonight.
That game.
Yeah.
So.
All right.
Hello.
I feel like we were grossly misrepresented.
Also.
Almost as if he's ashamed of us.
He assumed I was playing a video game.
We heard everything.
So that I could talk.
Yeah.
We heard everything.
And we were misrepresented.
We heard one side of that conversation.
We.
Yes.
But we can infer the other side.
You're embarrassed of us, aren't you?
More than you will ever know.
Rude.
One more than the other two.
Ten strain.
You're strained out.
All right.
So.
Teacheros.
You guys are where that fancy little X is.
Teacheros is that skull.
All the way up in the corner.
And there's lots of shit.
In between.
Wait.
Skull to the left or to the right?
Left.
Oh.
Okay.
Now.
Captain.
If I wanted to get to, say, Lockport.
Where's that on this map?
Lockport?
Why the hell do you want to go there?
Why does anyone want to go there?
The place smells.
For.
Euros?
I hear they have good cuisine.
What?
Hot dogs.
I mean.
Hot dogs?
Seven different flavors of hot dog.
Do they make them out of actual dogs?
Yeah.
It's a real rough place if you're an animal lover.
He pulls down another map.
And he's showing you the entire.
This is the known world.
So.
You guys are.
Well.
Not entirely known world.
Because you guys are actually in the north right hand corner of this map.
Far off of it.
But yeah.
You'd have to go south.
And.
South.
Oh.
Southeast.
Southeast it looks like.
Oh good.
I don't know why.
Yes.
South.
I'm very familiar with south.
Don't know why.
One of my favorite directions.
I'm not sure why I didn't look at a map before today.
But you know.
That's.
Guys.
We should go to Lockport sometime.
I hear it's got.
You know.
Great cuisine.
I love maps.
Yeah.
Maps.
And they got maps there.
It's the exact opposite direction of where we're going.
I know.
I can take a further place off the map.
Just.
You know.
He's just.
He's just dropping egg.
Egg crumbs.
We're going to come up later.
I mean.
Yeah.
If we could go there on the way back home.
If we're.
Just building in trees.
Are you.
Are you wasting our food?
Who me?
Yeah.
You're dropping these egg crumbs.
No.
Figurative egg crumbs.
Wow.
No metaphor goes over your head.
You'd catch it.
Yeah.
Oh.
I see.
I've never heard it said egg crumb before.
I find it points.
You people are from a strange planet.
Strange world.
Dust balls.
Very.
Strange chickens.
In dust ball.
Egg crumb.
Well.
Anyway.
Complete opposite direction.
And another very bad news for you.
We got a few problems.
Just so you're aware.
I can tell that all of you are very.
Skilled.
Seafarers.
To be honest.
How the fact.
Nice.
That's very big of you to admit finally.
To be honest.
I'm not quite sure how you survive this long.
Especially when.
We have.
One.
A few things.
Very little food.
On the sea.
There.
We're going to have to stop.
A couple times.
To make some pit stops.
For sure.
We have no weapons.
Again.
And I will repeat.
We have one.
Old rusty cannon.
That you stole from.
Donald.
Carnage.
And three cannonballs.
Okay.
This all sounds like good things.
Other things.
Just to slightly.
You know.
Prepare you for.
Leviathan attacks.
Pretty common out here.
No.
We killed that.
Yeah.
I'm sure.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure we killed that earlier.
You think there's just one.
Leviathan.
You're not aware that that's a.
That's an animal.
Right.
It's like a breed of animal.
What's the plural.
Leviathan.
Leviathans.
I like Leviathans.
I'm pretty sure.
Yes.
We.
We killed.
I think once the big one.
Dies.
Then they all die.
Which is the one we killed.
I'm sure of it.
Yeah.
I did jump inside of.
And.
Yep.
Are you.
And I.
I punched.
It's.
Reproductive.
I looked up.
It is Leviathans.
Yeah.
You just put an S at the end.
I just.
Complicated.
And one of us.
One of us tried to.
You're the reader.
You're the literate one.
I thought it'd be Leviathai.
Why?
It's funny.
Because if you had a group of Nathans.
Then they'd be Nathanite.
Nathanite.
No.
We killed them too.
Oh yeah.
We did a lot of killing.
A lot of burning.
A lot of bloating.
A lot of what?
Bloating.
Nice.
You know.
General storms.
Other pirates attacks.
Lots of other.
Unknown things.
Along the way.
So.
Where do you want to start.
First.
All right.
Yeah.
I want to.
I'll craft some.
Explodables.
I suppose.
If I have to.
Which I really want to.
All right.
I think it's called.
Plotables.
I'm sorry.
Plotables.
Thank you.
He's our plotable.
He's our plotable expert.
Call him in.
Yes.
I am.
Chief of plotables.
All right.
So.
You.
You picked up some supplies.
For yourself.
For that.
For.
For the plosion.
Oh.
No.
Should I.
All right.
I've got some.
Nod wires.
I'm sure we have coconuts.
On the.
On the boat.
Coconuts.
Have you.
Have you seen a coconut tree?
I can make some.
Coconut bombs.
All right.
Fine.
I'll go back on the island.
God damn it.
When you get a.
No.
You got nothing.
Services.
Oh my.
I mean.
If you find anything.
I mean.
You don't.
I'm not trying to tell you.
What.
Or what not to do.
But.
Just something to keep in mind.
I think.
Maybe we need to sleep on this.
Come up with a plan.
In the morning.
And.
Set sails.
Or.
Decide what we need to do.
At first light.
All right.
Yes.
It's all calm down.
Yes.
Take a breather.
You've all had a very long day.
How many.
How many enemies did we make on this.
Island today guys.
None.
But.
I think we're all square.
We haven't burned it down yet.
I think last time they burned it down.
Trying to get us.
No.
I listen.
Back to.
Us at.
The.
Last hurrah.
It was.
Pretty easy.
We got out of there.
We just left.
They just let us go.
You guys.
We're causing.
Well.
Sorry.
GM.
You guys are causing the scene.
Yeah.
Well.
We just caused a scene.
And we left.
And surprisingly.
They didn't chase after us.
We didn't kill anybody.
We discovered that they were feeding us blooming onions.
To fatten us up for the eating.
And.
Somehow.
Squish learned of this.
And said let's go.
And then we go.
And then we kill the leviathan.
Probably.
I'm sure of it.
I did jump down its throat.
I remember that.
Yeah.
I'm sure that's the only leviathan.
We'll ever possibly face.
You know.
Going forward.
They're going to be scared of us.
It's getting.
It's getting dark.
They tell their families.
As members of this crew.
You are invited to vote.
We could either leave now.
Or wait till tomorrow.
No we're not leaving now.
All right.
I've got unfinished business on this island.
All right.
All of a sudden.
Patches.
Chief navigator.
I.
I am.
Going to go hang out in my room.
You mean the bathroom.
All right.
Just deposit.
All right.
Squish.
Not that you need to vote.
But if you'd like to.
You voting for here to go.
Uh.
I guess we can stay.
Unanimous.
All right.
Yes.
Unanimous.
We're a crew again.
You guys voted for staying too?
Yeah.
Oh.
Was it a.
Was it an anonymous vote?
No.
It was very much an open vote.
Okay.
Squish.
Were you just standing there.
With your like.
Glazed eyes.
Glazed over.
I was just.
Thinking about something.
That monkfish.
I put so much time and effort.
into that.
We slept in the head.
Some lucky bastard.
Got to take a bite.
And I just glare over it.
Juckles.
Unnamed bastard.
Maybe he was a gentleman.
We'll never know.
He was a dirty little man.
Oh.
I resent that remark.
Uh.
So before you guys leave.
You do have the opportunity.
For some downtime.
If there are a couple of activities.
You'd like to do on the ship.
Or on the island.
Before you guys.
Set sail.
Properly.
Anybody want to go first.
Yes.
Can I go first?
Okay.
Yes.
I want to do something to the cannon.
I feel like the captain keeps telling us.
It's rusty and old.
Can I.
Unrusty it.
And unold it.
Sure.
Those are the technical terms.
Yes.
As you wouldn't understand.
I've explained it to you.
But.
Your tinkering skills are so small.
As compared to mine.
Like very very large.
Tinkering skills.
Yeah.
If you want to mess around with the cannon.
And see how well you can spruce that thing up.
Yeah.
Alright.
Go for it.
So.
Tinkering.
I presume.
Yes.
I presume.
I tinker.
It's not a great roll.
You're definitely going to be able to fix it up a little bit.
But.
It's more of like cosmetic.
Repairs.
Although it looks really nice.
Tell me about how you fix up this cannon.
Well.
For one.
I get rid of the rust.
Because I'm tired of hearing him say.
That rusty old cannon.
It's driving me insane.
So.
Yes.
I got rid of the rust.
I did attempt to add functionality to it.
But instead.
I just painted some.
Sick ass flames on the side.
Wow.
I am just really impressed with your hard work and ingenuity here.
Like.
This is me out of character.
Being on the ship has really turned you around.
What?
I just want to stick it to that new captain.
I just.
I took a.
By doing a really good job.
And making him proud of me.
Yeah.
Stick it to him.
Yeah.
He's going to be so upset.
He can't put my cannon down anymore.
Because it's.
No longer rusty.
And it's got sick flames on it.
While you're working on this cannon.
And I imagine it's taking you a while.
And you've got like.
A bunch of like.
Paint.
And.
Rags.
And paintbrushes all around you.
You notice that you're being watched.
You get a feeling that you're being watched anyway.
And when you turn around.
You see a very.
You just see the glimpse.
Of a person.
Like.
Ducking back.
Behind a pillow.
Did you say.
A pillow?
A pillow.
Like a pillar.
Or a beam.
Or something.
You know.
Like a piece of wood.
Like you don't see them.
And then you just see them move.
What was that?
You.
Behind the pillow.
Show yourself.
Are you commanding this person to come out?
Or are you just.
You're just yelling at them.
I guess I am commanding.
Roll your command.
Have you ever done that before?
Have you ever.
No.
I didn't even know I could.
Wow.
You.
You scrape rust.
And all of a sudden.
I'm good at it.
You honestly did pretty good.
You scrape.
Yeah.
You scrape rust.
And now you can command.
As you.
After you yell.
Show yourself.
From just around the corner.
From behind this pillar.
Sorry.
This.
You see.
You see this little.
Like.
It looks like a small child.
Just kind of like.
Ducks part of their body.
Out.
Just their head.
Really.
But it is.
It is a.
A child.
It's a small creature.
Small person.
Human.
Dark hair.
Sickly looking.
Um.
But it is.
It is a person.
I cast vicious mockery.
Okay.
Mock this child.
No.
It was a reference.
Child.
Yeah.
Come here.
No.
I won't hurt you.
Probably.
You know.
It's just me.
Juckles.
I'm almost a child myself.
Yes.
The D is silent.
Also.
It starts with D.
It's the extent of my spelling knowledge.
Uh.
The.
The child is.
Oh.
Here.
Uh.
Yeah.
Oh.
And he's pissed.
You should not have mocked that child.
Tiny little body.
Is he back?
I don't know.
He was being suspiciously quiet.
Oh.
He did write in there.
Discord is acting up again.
Okay.
Take.
A small moment.
Small moment.
Compose yourself.
Ho.
Oh.
Fuck.
It's a hot one.
Oh.
Crap.
It's too hot today.
I certainly shouldn't have told him.
That it was an illegal account.
Oh.
Oh dear.
Oh.
Crap.
Oh.
I don't know the reference.
Oh.
It's Simpsons.
Oh.
I heard him.
I heard Andy.
Nope.
Andy's gone.
Who's that been suspiciously quiet?
Your mama.
Squish.
Hello.
Are you here?
Conspirate.
Should we continue?
Yes.
What did I miss?
You should not have mocked that child.
So you don't know what happened at all?
No.
Oh.
There was a tiny little figure.
He was running around me creeping everyone out.
And I yelled out.
Child.
Are you behind that pillow?
Show yourself.
It turned out that was a command.
And then the figure obeyed my command.
And it was a small child.
And I cast vicious mockery.
And I destroyed his psyche.
I don't think that.
It's amazing.
Because all that happened.
Did you lose that kid's body?
Did you lose that body?
Yeah.
So this small child kind of peers more of her head out underneath it.
And you can see that she's got kind of like a long.
It looks like a blanket kind of over their head.
You can't really tell if it's male or female.
It's not very easy to say.
But she doesn't really say anything to you.
She's just kind of staring at her.
Again, you did say, I probably won't hurt you.
Maybe.
Probably.
So she's a little nervous.
Oh, yeah.
She should be a little nervous.
Because if she attacks, then I will attack back.
I'm not afraid to attack something smaller than me.
But I will cautiously approach the child.
And, hey.
Hey.
No.
It's just me.
Juckles.
Nice to meet you.
And how do you feel about onions?
And I pull an onion out from behind my ear.
She gasps.
Like it's a magic trick.
Like, oh.
Yeah.
No, I just keep them right there.
Yeah.
Do you know onions?
No.
No?
It's very delicious.
It's like an apple.
You can just take a bite out of it.
See?
Watch.
Now your turn.
Don't tell anyone we have this onion.
Because apparently we're low on food.
I've been saving this.
When you hand the child, when you hand the onion to the child, it's just kind of like she doesn't take it.
Doesn't reach out for it.
Isn't trying to interact with it in any way.
Huh.
But she's not like running away from you.
She's not as scared as she was.
Um.
Weird.
Kids usually love the onion trick.
Um.
So how long have you been here?
Are you related to the red captain?
The red captain?
Captain Fitzclad?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I've been on the ship for a while.
For a while?
I saw you guys get on.
Yeah.
We did get on.
I saw you guys fight all those monsters in the cave.
Those ghosts.
Wasn't I brave?
You're very brave.
You're all very brave.
Thank you.
Especially the red demon one.
He's really good at fighting.
You're not so much.
Well don't.
Yeah.
Don't pick favorites right away.
Okay.
Um.
So.
Do you live.
Live on this.
Do you work for the captain?
That seems awfully cruel.
To.
For.
A young child.
Such as yourself.
To.
I mean.
You know.
Lots of things that kid needs to do.
Little fingers.
You get into little places.
You know.
Oh.
I get little fingers too.
See.
Oh.
See.
Now yours are a little smaller though.
So.
Yeah.
Um.
Do you like it?
I think mine are meant to be this.
It's okay.
I kind of miss my friends.
And.
You know.
Playing with everybody.
I don't know where everyone's gone to.
You don't have any friends on the ship?
Well.
There used to be a lot of people on the ship.
But.
Now there's just.
Me.
And.
You guys.
And the captain.
And a monkey.
Did you know there was a monkey on the ship?
Hey.
She's pretty excited about D.
What's your name?
My.
Name?
Yeah.
Uh.
Maggie.
Let me tell you something about that monkey.
I know that monkey.
Yeah.
We're friends.
You want to meet him?
Yeah.
I want to meet the monkey.
All right.
Oh my God.
There's so many good ones.
You want to meet the monkey?
Okay.
I'll go.
Let me go get the monkey.
Um.
Okay.
Is the monkey up in his garbage nest?
Yeah.
She's up in the garbage nest.
Or a garbage nest?
All right.
Uh.
I would like to climb the ropes to, um.
Awaken.
Didi.
And bring her down to the small child.
Okay.
Uh.
Yeah.
Uh.
Just roll like a luck roll.
Let's see how well.
Didi takes being woken up.
Oh boy.
Should have been desperate.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
She hasn't had her smoke yet.
Flashback.
My pockets are full of tobacco.
All right.
How do I do luck?
Uh.
I don't know if that's one you get.
Hold on.
Let me.
Let's see.
Uh.
You can just roll anything that has a one on it.
Uh.
I don't think you have a luck.
Just roll a d6.
Yeah.
Just roll a d6.
That's good, right?
Uh.
No.
Oh no.
Uh.
She wakes up screaming at you.
Like she's in the middle of a nightmare.
Um.
And starts thrashing around in her nets.
Uh.
She's uh.
Pretty distraught.
And does not want to come down.
Can I hear D.D.
going crazy?
Yes.
From across the show.
Everyone can hear D.D.
going crazy.
Uh.
Even the captain kind of sticks his head out.
Uh.
From his office.
And he's like.
Quiet.
Get it down.
So as soon as I hear D.D.
going crazy.
I walk out.
To try to calm her down.
But you do mine.
You can do my link.
Remember.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
I didn't say I would talk to her.
Okay.
Try to calm her down.
Sorry.
Yeah.
I don't.
I'm sorry.
I thought maybe you might have forgotten.
No.
So I just look up at D.D.
And talk to her.
Talk to her via my mind.
Can I ask her what's going on?
D.D.
What are you doing?
Why are you screaming?
D.D.
doesn't speak.
But you get.
She does kind of give you some flashes.
You know.
Where like she's sleeping peacefully.
She's streaming.
And then you just get this image of like the net's just shaking.
And she like sees Chuckle looming above her.
And oddly enough.
Chuckle's is huge in her imagination.
Like she.
They're probably around the same size.
You are a monkey sized man.
But.
Yeah.
She just kind of conveys like I was just woken up abruptly.
And I'm not happy about it.
And also you feel like a pounding headache.
Like.
Oh.
She's.
You know.
She's got a headache.
Okay.
Chuckle's.
Did you wake her up?
What?
I'm in the.
I'm in the garbage nest way above.
Yeah.
Get down here.
Are you mad at me?
Yes.
Are you going to hurt me?
No.
I don't believe you.
I'm staying up here.
Where did this little child come from?
You can see him?
Can I?
No.
The child is.
No.
The child is still below deck.
Oh.
Okay.
All right.
I must have missed that part.
Was I below deck?
No.
You came.
You said.
Let me go get Dee Dee.
You went up the stairs.
Uh.
Presumably.
Oh.
And she walked away.
Well.
She's.
She's not.
Uh.
Visible.
At this point.
She cannot see her.
Why would you wait.
Get down here.
And leave.
Dee Dee alone.
Promise.
Promise you won't.
You won't be mad at me though.
Give her all the tobacco you've got in your pocket.
I was saving that for a rainy day.
Well.
This is pretty rainy.
Fine.
I'm going to give her all the tobacco in my pockets.
Uh.
She.
From somewhere.
Uh.
On her person.
Because she does have a cute little sweater.
Uh.
Pulls out.
Uh.
Some papers.
And just starts kind of making her own.
Rolling her own cigarettes.
She's very grumpy though.
And she's not as good as you.
Uh.
A shitty look.
Uh.
That's why she has a headache.
She was having a neck fit.
A neck fit.
Oh.
Okay.
All right.
Are you coming down.
Or not?
Yeah.
I'm coming down.
And then I come down.
What?
Why?
Why did you?
Why?
Listen.
There was a small child out here.
Don't know where he or she went.
But.
They were definitely here.
And I was trying to impress them.
With the monkey.
She was.
They were very.
Excited about the monkey.
Let me get this straight.
You found this child on the ship.
Well it found me.
I just noticed it.
Okay.
You discovered a child on the ship.
Yes.
That no one else has seen.
Yet.
You talked to.
To it.
Yes.
And decided.
Let me go get the monkey.
She was very excited about the monkey.
It was very excited about the monkey.
Did you do your onion trick?
You know about the onion trick?
Yeah.
You try it on me all the time.
Actually.
Anytime I need an onion.
I just come up to you.
And ask you to do the trick.
Yeah.
Well.
No more onions.
And then I blink.
Next time change up the ears though.
Getting a little predictable.
Well.
You really shouldn't fall for it.
No.
I just need an onion.
Alright.
And then I pull an onion from behind his ear.
Maybe you should clean your ears then.
Never.
I rip the onion out of his hand.
And I point to him and say.
Leave.
Dee Dee alone.
And quit believing in makeup.
Made up children.
Oh shit.
And then I walk away.
Oh great.
Now no one's going to believe me about this child.
Fool me once.
Shame on you.
Patches.
During all of this.
Where are you?
You're in your bedroom?
Yeah.
I'm like.
And I'm ranting to Neelix again.
Like.
We gotta get.
We gotta.
We gotta find a way to get.
We gotta find a way to get the land.
We gotta get to.
The lock port.
What do you think?
How do you think we can get there?
I.
I don't know sir.
You're gonna need a ship.
Hot damn.
I'm on a ship.
No.
How do we go from there?
I don't know.
You'll have to take control of the ship.
Sir.
I don't think I'm like.
The best one to tell you.
How to get this done.
Oh.
Listen.
Can I remind you?
I am a butler.
The.
Best damn butler I've ever had.
Um.
Yes.
But.
Listen.
We gotta get to lock port.
Okay.
What.
Can I do to assist you with that?
Sir.
You need to give me some.
Some guidelines here.
I know this is what you want to do.
Do you have a plan?
Uh.
I say we go along.
With whatever.
Uh.
The red captain's doing.
And.
Uh.
You know.
Eventually we try to take the ship.
What do you think?
You're gonna.
Mutiny the captain again?
I mean.
It worked once.
I mean.
It only worked for.
Time's a charm.
You know.
That famous saying.
If it doesn't work once.
Try.
Try again.
I mean.
Like.
Listen.
He won't see it coming.
I mean.
He won't.
No.
I definitely don't think.
He's gonna be on guard.
For you.
Mutineering him.
On his own ship.
I don't think it's.
All right.
I'm sorry sir.
That was a little sarcastic.
That was above my station.
No.
It's fine.
But we're gonna.
Definitely do it.
Okay.
All right.
We gotta get the other two.
On our side eventually.
Because.
I don't.
I don't know.
I don't know what's going on.
With this teacher rose.
But.
I don't like it.
Have you tried.
Ingratiating yourself.
To them sir.
I have tried.
Nothing.
And.
I'm all out of ideas.
Perhaps.
A solution.
May be.
Not to run.
To your bed.
Bedroom.
And talk.
To your butler.
But would instead.
Be to interact.
With your fellow men.
Assist them.
In their.
In their troubles.
I.
I can't.
They can't look at me.
Right now.
I'm a.
I'm not the captain.
Anymore.
They have no respect.
For me.
It's not the captain.
You need to be.
It's the patches.
It's yourself.
The patches.
This was a really.
Touching moment.
For a second sir.
I want you to know.
That I really set you up.
For this.
To have a real.
Epiphany sir.
Because my name's.
Not really patches.
You know that right.
I mean.
You're one of my dearest friends.
How far.
Does the deception go.
Oh.
It gets deep.
Well.
My recommendation.
Sir.
If you're going to mute me.
The captain.
If you're going to be.
More.
Than just yourself.
And.
Your ghost.
Butler.
By your side.
That's a good idea.
All right.
Great advice.
I'll try to.
Ingrate myself.
With the other two.
It's ingratiate sir.
I'm not going to do that.
I'm not.
Don't ingrate yourself.
That sounds gross.
It does.
All right.
Get back in your bottle.
Before the captain finds you.
I'll leave the cap.
Just a little.
A little.
Thank you sir.
For the air.
You're a good butler.
Hey.
This was a good moment.
It was.
Thank you.
Now I'm going to leave the bathroom.
Sorry.
It's in here.
All right.
Squish.
Meanwhile.
After you walk away.
From chiding chuckles.
Where do you go?
What do you do?
I'm going to try to get.
Dee Dee down.
And then we're going to go.
Fish off the back of the boat.
Okay.
Yeah.
So you.
You invite her down.
And she very grumpily.
Does come.
Come down.
But she does take your hand.
Because he does really like you.
You know.
In that cute little monkey way.
Take your hand.
And they're just like.
And she.
You guys waddle to the back of the boat.
You still are in the harbor.
But you're farming out.
That you can probably catch some fish.
If you want to give it a go.
I do.
And I just want to use a little bit.
Of the monkfish head.
Like.
An eyeball.
Perfect.
Cool.
Go for it.
I think this would be like a.
When you fished last time.
Did we do a hunt?
Or a.
I think it was one.
Yeah.
All right.
Give it a go.
Hunt for those fish.
Can I get plus one for the eyeball?
Sure.
All right.
No.
You can't have shit.
Do you want to eat or not?
Wow.
Tiger's GM.
I'll eat the eyeball.
Tiger's GM just came out.
I was holding it in for so long.
You let us get away with everything.
How dare you let us.
Yeah.
You can't let us have what we want.
Squish.
You successfully catch a fish.
What did you catch?
How did you catch it?
Oh.
Hmm.
Now I'm trying to think of a good fish.
How about monkfish?
You can't catch a monkfish with a monkfish.
I caught a really big anglerfish.
Nice.
Another ugly fish.
Yeah.
This world is not full of good looking fish.
Yeah.
So you managed to catch this pretty large anglerfish.
And you kind of wrestle it back up onto the boat.
The captain sees you there.
And he waves at you.
And he's like, oh.
You caught her.
The lamp.
The lamp lady of the sea.
We always call them.
Yeah.
This one's pretty big too.
I think it can feed us.
Hopefully.
Really ugly.
Yeah.
Well, you know, it's, you know, does it really matter when it's in your stomach?
Are looks really what we're judging people on here?
I mean, come on.
No offense.
But I'm a very large pirate.
We've got a strange little squirrely man downstairs.
A weird guy who keeps talking.
I didn't mean you.
Trekkles.
No respect.
Talking about the one that's always talking to himself in the bathroom.
Oh, he's the only one.
We're all different here.
It doesn't matter when it's in your stomach, really.
Right.
Just as long as it tastes good.
Right.
Exactly.
And that's where you come in.
And we can use the teeth as weapons.
They're pretty big.
You could use that teeth.
That's industrious.
That's thinking with your head.
Yeah.
You can scan a shot.
Oh, that's true.
You all right, Brandon?
Yeah.
The air conditioner is going crazy.
It's because we're in a storm right now.
Because you've, no, it's because you've ordered it to disobey the laws of thermodynamics.
My God, you're right.
It's out for revenge.
Well, congratulations, son.
That's a mighty good fish.
I think that'll keep us well-fed for a little bit.
You know, always enjoy anglerfish leftovers.
You like the leftovers?
Of course.
Who doesn't love leftovers?
I don't know if there's going to be any leftovers.
Well, either way, I'm glad we have it.
Me too.
This will be good.
All right.
How do you like your lantern part cooked?
My lantern part?
Well.
From the fish.
Sorry.
From the fish.
Of course.
I knew what you meant.
You know, we have a tradition in my family where whoever did the best that day gets the lamp light.
And I think maybe that's what we'll do today.
We'll have a meal together, the whole crew.
And you can pick who gets the lamp.
I get to pick?
You caught the fish?
My God.
The responsibility.
Oh my God.
I think you're up to the task.
I'll try.
I might just eat it.
Hey.
You caught it.
You bought it.
You caught it.
You bought it.
All right.
Sounds good.
All right.
As long as that Juggles guy is fake kid, don't get it.
His what?
He saw a kid that's been on the ship.
I don't know.
I think he's got a bad batch of onions or something.
I don't know.
A kid on the ship?
Yeah.
Ridiculous.
Right?
Wait.
Is there a kid on the ship?
No.
Are you lying?
Have you seen this entire ship?
Not that big.
No.
I don't know what they have.
Well, take a look sometime.
I mean, you're more than welcome to look for whoever you'd like.
There's nobody here but us chickens.
Can I try to see if he's lying?
Yeah.
He's not a lion.
He's a captain.
He's a humanoid lion.
He's humanoid, at least.
I'm going to study his face.
Okay.
Weird.
I failed.
Seems like he's telling the truth.
Can't really tell.
All right.
He interprets it as an affront.
And he punches you right in the throat.
Well, I better go talk to Chuckles about this person that he saw.
I think the lad has an overactive emotion.
I think so, too.
He's a little off his rocker lately.
Lately?
Yeah.
Can you imagine?
No, I've only met him.
I've only met him for a few days.
It seemed like his normal, I guess.
No, he was a little bit more normal, I think.
All right.
Chuckles, Captain.
Or, sorry.
Squish, Captain leads you to continue fishing, if you'd like.
He goes downstairs.
Well, Chuckles, where are you?
After you were scolded.
Oh, yeah.
I got my tail tucked between my legs.
I'm under the ship somewhere.
I'm just...
Wait, what food do we have?
Do we have no food?
We have a little bit of food, like some flour, some bread.
Rutabagas.
Very basic things, but we don't have, like...
We do have rutabagas.
Okay, I'm peeling rutabagas with a knife, you know, like in the Navy.
Chuckles, you hear the captain walking up behind you, and he sees you peeling rutabagas, and he's like,
That was my job, my first job on the ship, was the galley cook, or the galley assistant.
He had a lot of potatoes in my time.
Yeah, I don't believe you.
Okay, well...
I feel like you were born into being a captain.
Like all the officers.
Well, no, no, I'm a pirate captain.
That's a little bit different.
It comes on merit, not just birthright.
Which really is what makes pirates better than, well, I don't want to get into an anti-monitory sort of spiel here.
I'll keep myself busy all day.
But the point is, I heard that you saw a little girl on the ship.
Yeah, what of it?
Did you?
I don't know anymore.
All right.
Well, I hope you know that if you do see anything that concerns you, real or no, I feel like you can come talk to me about this.
I'll have you know, I am a ghost pirate.
So you may occasionally see a ghost, but they are of my form.
You know, large, burly man of a seafaring ghost.
Do you have children on this boat?
No, I was never blessed with children, unfortunately.
Really?
Yeah, you know, never could quite settle down.
It's a little bit hard when you run a nomadic life and you live with primarily men.
So let's say I did see a child.
Child.
Mm-hmm.
What's the deal with that?
I probably want to review the ship, tear it upside down, make sure we have no stowaways.
There's no place for a child.
And what if this child told me that it worked for you?
It worked for me.
Yeah.
And that you put them to work doing things with their little fingers.
What do you say about that?
I'd be a little disturbed by those allegations.
And I assure you, I don't make anybody do anything.
You've all willingly have been a part of this ship.
And can leave at any time if you wish.
Yeah.
You're right.
It'd be strange to have a child.
It'd be very strange to have a child.
What's a child going to do with those little fingers?
I don't really know.
But I'm going to have to think on that for a while.
I don't really know, but I am intrigued.
I'm not intrigued.
That would be creepy.
But it will be something to you.
How are the speakers going?
Ah, the speakers.
I've got wire, which I feel is very important.
So that's one part.
I trust you.
Have you seen the cannon?
I did see the cannon.
With the flames?
Yeah, it's pretty badass.
It looks like it's tearing ass, even though it's not moving.
Right.
I don't think it'll give us any sort of tactical advantage.
But, I mean, I would be pretty impressed with it.
I think it's about blowing a hole in that hole.
Isn't that what being a pirate is about?
Right?
It is.
It's all about optics.
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad we did that.
Have this conversation.
Remember, if you have any questions or concerns, my door is always open.
If the door is open.
If the door is shut, I do repeat.
Don't enter.
Okay.
Good thing to remember.
Good talk.
Indeed.
Patches, have you come out of your bedroom yet?
Yeah, I'm kind of just squirreling around, looking at things.
You know, just kind of spying on everyone.
You know, kind of like looking around corners and shit.
I'm looking at a corner, spying on, currently spying on.
Currently squirreling on whatever conversation Juggles and the captain we're having.
Okay.
So nice.
Okay.
So while you're talking, you, I don't think you notice, but you suddenly realize the captain
and Chuckles are no longer talking and the captain's no longer there.
Okay.
Where'd they go?
And as you say that, the captain appears right behind you.
Patches!
How did it go?
How did you enjoy Last Hurrah?
It was fine.
You know, a lot of merchants, you know.
Yeah, it was good.
It was good.
Good.
And how did you enjoy your stay on the ship while we were in Last Hurrah?
Oh, a little bit of this.
A little bit of that.
Caught up on my reading.
Tried to fix some holes in the ship.
Please stop leaving those, by the way.
Oh, reading.
Huh.
That's kind of interesting.
What did you read?
I've really been into romance novels lately.
It seems a little ridiculous, I know, but I'm just a romantic.
Oh, see, it's kind of interesting.
The guys I heard saw some music being played earlier.
They saw music!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some famous band I've never heard of.
But, I mean, it's interesting that they heard music and you were just here reading alone.
Well, you know, that is an interesting thing.
Because I have read a very interesting thing about music.
What's that?
Have you ever heard of the Black Harp?
The Black Harp?
Yeah.
No.
Oh, well, it's an old, it's an old, it's an old teacher-esque legend.
There was this king.
He had a beautiful daughter.
He had a beautiful singing voice.
And he asked his, like, low, you know, royal viziers to make him, you know, make him something as beautiful as his daughter's voice.
So, he commissioned, like, you know, he commissioned this beautiful instrument.
And, well, first, they made a flute, right?
And it was made from a beautiful old tree.
The nicest, sweetest flute that you've ever seen or ever heard.
It turns out when they played it, it wasn't as beautiful as the king's daughter's voice.
What do you think about that?
What?
I'm sorry.
I just told you a really quaint legend.
I'm sorry.
I zoned out there for a minute.
What about a harp?
It's the tale of the Black Harp.
The Black Harp.
Ah, sounds like a hell of a thing.
I can tell you're not quite interested in music.
Yeah, I don't take you as the sort of musical type.
You know, I guess you're right.
How about you?
Are you the musical type?
Oh, no.
Can't play a thing, unfortunately.
No?
I'm terrible at it.
Oh, okay.
I can't play a thing.
All right.
Well, you continue being terrible at music, and I'll continue just being terrible.
And I give him the finger guns.
What's on your finger?
I got a sticker.
It's a flag.
It's a white flag.
Tiny little white flag.
He surrendered, by the way.
Yeah.
On a subliminal level.
You know, Patches, I think we're going to work this way.
And he puts a hand on your shoulder and kind of gives you a nice little squeeze.
Sunburn, man.
Well, it is true.
You probably do need to be wearing a lot of sunscreen.
You seem like the sort of burning type.
It'd be terrible to see you burn.
Also, I just got this gray frock coat.
I see.
Yeah.
It's nice.
All right.
Well, go back to whatever it was that you were doing.
I will.
And I turn around and go into the bathroom.
Start spanking it.
Squish, have you finished fishing?
Yeah.
I think I started to head back to the galley with the catch or catches.
All right.
A new beautiful catch.
Yeah.
So you're in the galley.
Chuckles, you're in the galley.
What's up?
Chuckles.
Can we talk?
Yeah.
So it's just us two?
No.
We're going to go somewhere else?
It's not a similar one.
Well, Dee Dee's here too.
Oh, she don't speak English.
Does not.
No.
Is she still mad at me?
I can't really tell.
Eh.
We'll find out.
Can I give her a high five?
If you really want to, try.
I just want to, or a fist bump or something.
I just want to say I'm sorry.
Okay.
Go for it, I guess.
But whatever happens, don't blame me.
All right.
What do I roll here?
And then I mind meld with Dee Dee and say, please don't hurt him.
Wow.
Go ahead and roll two.
Just two dice.
Okay.
One for fortune.
Just a regular left one.
And then an extra one because Squish is helping you out here.
She chuckles.
She, what do you, how do you approach Dee Dee?
What do you do?
I just kind of look and I kind of like lower my head and try to get close and try to be friendly and be.
Like just give her.
She, she, she very reluctantly, but without any sort of aggression, slowly brings her hand up and kind of gives you a little tap.
A little fist bump.
Then I tussle her hair.
Okay.
You tussle her fur.
Her fur on the top of her head.
All right.
I feel, I feel better now.
All right.
I'm glad you got that out of your system.
Thank you.
So where are we going tomorrow?
Well, I feel like we should go back to the island.
Do you want to go back to the last hurrah?
Uh, yeah.
I mean, everyone keeps telling me it's dangerous there, but so far nothing bad has happened.
And also we need stuff.
Maybe you could just go.
Maybe that's a better idea.
You're not human.
I keep telling them I'm not human, but I don't think they believe me.
No, it's very hard to not believe you.
You smell like a human.
Like human?
What if we just make me smell like onions or put me in red face?
Don't do red face.
It's either that or be eaten.
Or you can stay on the boat.
Okay.
But you will get us some blooming onions, right?
No.
Okay.
But will you get us some other onion byproducts?
No.
Okay.
Well, what are we talking about then?
I think we're just going to poo-poo all my ideas.
What are we doing here?
What do you want to do?
I thought we were just leaves.
You want to?
We don't have any food.
This has been told to us time and time again.
We have no food.
We should get more food.
We have one anglerfish.
That's going to be good for one.
Slap them in the face with the anglerfish.
Ouch.
It's so scaly.
My face is scratched now.
Yeah.
Good.
Okay.
We have one anglerfish.
That's going to be one meal.
We're going to be on the high seas for...
We have other fish or other things.
Like flowers.
All right.
You just want to leave.
What's your reasoning behind that?
Well, to get to teach her as fast as possible.
Why?
I kind of want to go home.
Okay.
So you just want to go...
For, like, pilgrimage or whatever?
Yeah.
Okay.
And you need to go soon?
I don't have to, but I would like to get it done.
Is this like that Futurama episode where Zoidberg has to go back to his planet to mate?
To mate?
No.
Because I could have just made it on that island.
I'm sure you could have.
What is the question?
Why are you going to say it like that?
I'm sure.
I mean, if it weren't for me, you'd still be dancing to that weird-ass flute music.
Speaking of which, you got that CD.
I've been kind of itching to hear it.
Yeah.
Maybe not a good idea.
Why not?
Just, I don't know.
There's something off about that music.
I feel like maybe it's hypnotic.
It was, yeah, it was pretty good.
Okay.
So, yes, I do have the CD.
I still need to invent CD players.
Oh, okay.
And electricity.
Can you put that on the top of the list?
No.
On top of the list is more flames for the cannon.
And then maybe more floating abilities for the cannon.
Then bloom and onion.
Then I can make a CD player.
The bloom and onion is on my thing.
Okay.
That's a me thing.
Oh, that's right.
Because it's food.
Yeah.
But also technology.
It's not.
It's a type of technology.
It's not.
You're right.
We should catch a whale, though.
Oh, that's what you want to do?
Like a Leviathan?
No, a whale.
Oh, we need more supplies for that, too.
So, maybe not food, but maybe Leviathan hunting stuff.
Oh, that's not a bad idea.
What are we going to barter with?
I don't know.
Because we don't have any money.
We have expertise.
Well, we had a quarter of a gold piece.
What about this?
We try to find the underground fighting ring and enter me as a contestant.
And I will just low blow everyone.
All right.
And then I will bet against you.
What?
No.
Yes.
It's a win-win.
No.
I'm going to win.
I'm going to win by the low blow.
Yeah.
So, if you win, you get paid the prize money.
If you lose, I get paid the bet.
Oh, I see.
You're trying to play both sides here.
Yeah.
It's a win-win for me.
Also, you want to go into an underground fight ring with demons?
We're just spitballing here.
It's just brainstorming.
Just ideas back and forth.
It's a greenhouse here.
There's no bad ideas.
You seem pretty set on that.
I just want...
I just have a nutmeg.
You're even rubbing your fist while you're bringing up the idea.
Yes, I know.
It's really creepy.
We have not seen action in a long time.
We just fought a ball off a pirate ship.
No, we didn't.
Two episodes ago.
That didn't happen.
And you're not here.
Yeah, I was going to say...
It was a fake fight.
Well, no.
Captain...
What if Captain was spying on us and he just blurted that out loud?
Oh, the great captain?
Yeah.
Is that what happened?
Have you been saying?
Me and Juggles are just sitting there talking about it.
We just hear from the background.
We fought a pirate ship.
And we turn around.
Two days ago.
How long have you been here?
I got my head against the keyhole.
My butt's shaking.
You know.
You know the keyhole dance.
Yeah, the keyhole dance.
We can see your patch through the keyhole.
You should use the other eye.
Yeah.
Hello?
I'll continue.
Just continue.
Ted, like I'm not here.
All right.
Okay, fine.
Come in here.
All right.
I'm in here now.
And I close the door.
So, boys, how have you been?
Yar!
It's been a whirlwind.
Oh, I'll say.
I'll say.
How's the new captain treating you?
He's kind of a dick, right?
No.
No, he's interesting.
No, yeah.
He's pretty cool.
He's fair.
He's a monster.
He's tough.
He's got a lot of rules about cleaning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And all that's against the junk fort code.
Right.
junk fort, which we lost to, now that I think about it, a Leviathan.
It became metaphorical.
So, are we going back to the island?
Yeah, why not?
Because they'll eat us.
I guess it would be one reason not to.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
They won't eat you two.
They won't eat me.
They won't.
Yeah, well, that's what I was about to say.
They won't eat him.
So, we should send him back.
No, no, no.
Let's go check it out.
And then, maybe we take the ship and go somewhere else.
You know, after that.
Like, where?
Did you guys hear what I said about Lockport area?
They have great cuisine.
I try not to listen to you most of the time.
We're not going there.
Why not?
Why are you trying to send us somewhere else?
I'm just saying.
I've got a fix, okay?
They've got a really good fry, like fries.
They put barbecue sauce and garlic sauce and cheese on it.
It's really good.
None of those ingredients are onions.
I can do that.
I can do that here.
Not like that.
They serve it in a food truck in Lockport.
And we don't have potatoes.
All we have is rutabagas.
It'd be rutabaga fries.
Yeah, exactly.
With cheese sauce.
What the little one said.
And...
We also don't have cheese.
We don't have food.
All we have is fish and rutabagas.
And flour.
But I don't think it's baking flour.
And flour.
Remember last time you made us a dish and all you had was meat and flour?
It did not turn out well.
All right.
Listen, listen, listen.
We got to go along with this grumpy captain.
Am I right?
What a jerk.
You know, just for a little bit longer.
And then, you know, we'll see where things go.
You know, they might meander off.
All right.
I'll bite.
What the hell happened between you and the other captain?
Besides the mutiny.
What was precipitating the mutiny?
Nothing.
I mean, he got really upset with me about something.
And I don't really...
He's just a jerk.
He's just a jerk, you know.
He catches me in his room just hanging out, you know.
And he tried tossing me off the ship.
I think you're hiding something from us.
Well, I...
No, no, no, no.
Listen, listen.
Listen.
I wear a gray frock now.
I'm not lying to you.
I'm wearing gray frock.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
In my mind...
And you just want us to start calling you Patches.
If that is your real name.
I don't care.
Listen.
No, I want you to call me the captain.
But, you know, the other guy ruined the fucking whole thing.
And, you know, told you my real name.
So, there.
You know.
Listen.
We're still pals, right?
I don't know.
Oh, come on!
I don't feel like you're being very upfront with us.
I'm being as upfront as I can be.
Listen.
We go to Lockport.
We'll get, like...
I'll buy you a really good meal.
And I guarantee you, it'll have onions.
They'll be blooming for you, buddy.
We'll get you another blooming onion.
We can get blooming onions here.
Yeah.
I can make them.
You keep saying that.
Yeah.
I don't...
Yeah.
I don't think you can make blooming onion out of rutabaga.
But go ahead and try.
Not unless you have a real good legal representation.
Because we're about to get sued.
By Outback Steakhouse.
By Big Onion?
By Big Onion.
Big Onion.
Big Bloomin' Onion.
Yeah.
Big Bloomin' Onion.
Listen.
We'll go to Teacher Rose.
We'll see what the fuck's going on over there.
And then, you know, we'll just go from there.
After that, we might go if you guys survive.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Like I said, we'll be going south anyway.
We'll go right by Lockport.
We'll go get some cuisine.
You know, we'll check it out.
You know, get some fries.
After Teacher Rose?
Yeah.
After Teacher Rose.
I didn't know they were close.
Yeah.
It's close.
It's in the north.
I can't read the map.
So I don't know.
Me neither.
I can.
And just believe me.
Bridget, don't shake your head.
Oh, sorry.
But I can read people.
That's what Dutch Vanderlin said in Red Dead Redemption 2.
And he murdered.
Okay.
But this was before that.
Or maybe after.
It's not clear.
Or during.
Not during.
Definitely not during.
Well, what do you guys want to do?
Are you okay?
I get it.
You guys don't trust me.
And I understand that.
But we got to go.
And that guy is.
You don't want to get on his bad side.
So I'm saying we go to Teacher Rose.
See what the hell is going on there.
That he wants to go there so badly.
And then after that.
I'd say if, you know.
I'm not saying mutiny.
I'm just saying maybe.
Your way of not getting on his bad side is to mutiny?
No.
But light-tune me.
Just a light-tune.
I mean, you survived his bad side.
Yeah.
I got tossed into the ocean.
Well, afterwards.
After I tossed him into the ocean.
All right.
Then we'll go to Teacher Rose, I guess.
And not go back to the island for life-saving supplies.
Oh, did you go there?
I only started listening like halfway through.
Like only a couple seconds before you caught me.
Yeah.
It's been clear that you have terrible, terrible listening skills.
I'm sorry.
What?
What'd you say to me?
I might not be the captain, but I am Patches.
All right.
Let's go.
Take that away from you.
The lie detector has determined that that was a lie.
Wow.
Coming from you.
Wow.
So are we going to go get supplies or not?
I'm confused now.
We can go get supplies.
Game Master, help us.
Yeah.
What are you doing over there?
Help me, Jeeva.
Honestly.
You guys are having a moment.
I just wanted to see where it'd go.
You know?
I was sticking out of it.
Yeah.
So that night, you guys are invited up to the captain's quarters.
There is the angler fish there.
Everyone.
Done?
Yeah.
There we go.
Everyone is sitting around his table.
It's a very luxurious table.
There's fine china and silverware.
There's like four different types of glasses, three different types of forks.
So it's a very fancy fish.
And in the center of it is Squish's angler fish.
It just looks like the same fish as it did when you pulled it out of the ocean.
Except crispy.
And you're sitting there.
And the captain looks at all of you.
And he's like,
And it's like,
I'm glad we were all able to gather here today for a meal.
And now, bow your heads in prayer.
I'm just kidding.
Yeah.
We're not going to do that.
Ghosts exist in this world.
I don't think God does.
Squish, I said you could give, now it's a tradition in my family that everyone can get the lamplight.
Whoever, you know, performed the best in the day can get the lamplight.
Squish, I would like you to hand out the lamplight.
Who do you think, serve it up.
Who do you think deserves it today?
I want to do a survey of the room first.
Sure.
Because I would like to see, even though my survey is not good.
I'm actually looking for the little girl.
Okay.
You're intrigued by the little girl?
You do not see anything about the little girl.
All right.
Then I would like to rip off the lamplight.
Okay.
And say that I want to give it to the girl for being so sneaky and staying aboard the ship and never getting caught.
What?
To try to lure her up.
All right.
She loves them.
Oh, you really believe Juggles.
Time will tell.
So, nowhere in the ship, but you see how there's that window?
Yeah.
That looks out.
As you're making your grand announcement, I want to give this to the little girl, try to lure her out.
You just see, like, a little figure cross in front of the window.
It doesn't stop.
It doesn't look at you.
But it does cross in front of the window.
Okay.
I didn't see it.
Did you?
I don't know.
Did you see it, Brandon?
No.
Okay.
I feel like I saw it.
Yeah.
I believe that you, Juggles, you saw it.
Because you're already, like, looking out for signs that this little girl might exist.
Can I survey the red captain to see if he reacted?
Sure.
Survey or study.
Let's do survey.
Or which one are you better at?
Let's see.
I'll give you a bonus.
Probably the same.
Oh, I have one study.
I have one study.
That's pretty good.
Take your study.
Ba-ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum.
Partial success.
There's a lot of partial success.
The captain reacts, but you can't tell if it's, like, reacting to the absurdity of the situation or the little girl.
He just kind of, like, promises, and he's like,
Well, if no little girls are going to come to claim it, and he takes the lamplight and just eats it himself, just, like, pops it in his mouth real quick.
Rude.
Oh, that is not what I was going to do.
Well, since no little girl came to claim it, let's dig in and eat.
And he makes a big flourish of picking out his coat, his red frock coat, and he sits down at the table, kind of waits for the rest of you to do the same.
Are you all sitting at the table?
I try to match his florist with my gray frock coat, but it just makes me look, you know, like I'm opening my shirt.
And I try to flourish my raggedy T-shirt.
I see everyone else doing it.
I have nothing to flourish, so I just make the hand movements of doing it.
And as you sit down, Squish, he starts cutting up the fish and kind of serving it to everybody.
He's, like, passing on.
He's like, Normally, I've had my butler do this, but I'm a little butler-less, you know, right now.
Don't.
You haven't hired that position back yet.
What happened to your butler?
Oh, well, you know, with the whole mutiny thing, he just kind of disappeared.
What kind of fish is this?
This looks delicious.
What was your butler's name?
This is a delicious fish.
Squish, what kind of fish did you make here?
Angler.
Is this monkfish?
No.
Angler?
I didn't think they'd put those in salt water.
Wait, was it a ghost?
Did you have a ghost butler?
No, you can't have a ghost fish.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, it's not a ghost fish.
It's an angler fish.
He just said it.
Very delicious.
But what was your butler's name?
Do all pirates have ghost butlers?
Pirate captains?
Not every one of them, no.
No, as a pirate captain, that was something I very much prided myself on.
You're the only one that had a ghost butler?
That's weird.
Yeah, you'd think there'd be more of them.
Anyway.
The gray captain had a ghost butler.
I lost track of that a long time ago.
I don't know what happened with that.
Anyway, what kind of fish did you say you made here again, Squish?
A monkfish?
Yes.
A monkfish.
Look at this.
This is delicious.
Anyone having another bite of this?
Yum.
Hey, what's going on in that window?
So what was the name of your ghost butler?
His name was Neelix.
He was a decent butler.
A good friend.
That was the name of your ghost butler.
There so happens to be multiple names of the multiple same butlers.
What are the odds of that?
That's weird.
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
And I kind of try to invoke every last fiber of my being.
Like, if there's anything that went between us.
Guys, I lost Neelix, right?
Are you trying to sway them?
Yeah.
Right.
Roll your sway.
Oh, my God.
I'm still close to rolling insight.
Anything?
Any modifiers?
Can I add a modifier just because of friendship?
No.
Friendship is...
We do not have friendship.
Your friendship...
The trust...
You know, it's shaky right now.
Roll your sway as is.
Ugh.
Oh.
So, you guys pick up that this might not be a topic of conversation he wants to bring up.
Uh...
But the mood has soured slightly.
Uh...
Dinner is not as joyful as it was about 30 seconds ago.
And the captain's sitting there.
And he's got this, like, smile on his face.
But it's, uh...
It's pretty clear he's not super happy.
Between this and the little girl thing, um...
He invited you up to your quarters.
In fact, let me just tell you.
I invited you up to my quarters.
Lads.
I thought it'd be nice to share a meal.
And between the little girl and...
This butler business.
A little turned off.
You know what I mean?
I don't know what they're talking about.
I don't have a butler.
All right?
And I stand up.
Oh, wait.
Quick.
Flashback.
I threw Neelix's bottle into the toilet.
I don't have a butler on me at all.
All right.
Yeah.
I mean, it probably would have been smart for you not to bring Neelix to the captain's bedroom.
No.
I would never do that.
Right.
Especially not with flashbacks.
I mean, I'm still having a good time.
I start eating the fish nervous.
Yeah.
This is pretty good.
Yeah.
This is good fish.
You're right.
Great fish.
I love monkfish.
It's not monkfish.
I mean angler.
I love that too.
You should be able to tell the difference.
You're the only one here that got to try the monk.
Have you boys decided what we're doing tomorrow?
We take it off?
We stay in here?
That's a really, really good question.
We talked about it.
Squish.
We probably could get to the next island or two without too much problem.
Or maybe not.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Let's just try to go for the next island.
Yeah.
Yarr.
The Nelson Island.
Yarr.
Let's go.
No.
We'll be skipping that one.
I don't think there's anything there unless you dig a casserole.
I like that.
Did we just escape from there?
Yes.
I did notice when we sailed past it the last time.
It did seem to be smoldering.
Oh, yeah.
Guys.
Weird.
That sounds like us.
Yeah.
Actually.
That is quite a strange coincidence that it was burning.
Wow.
Just one of nature's mysteries, huh?
Was there anybody laying on the island, like, holding their crotch?
What?
You know, I was a little far away for that, but you know what?
I'm having fun rolling the fortune dice tonight.
Give this to me.
What are you doing?
Hold on.
Yeah.
I did notice people along the island.
All of them holding their crotch.
Oh.
Smoldering.
That definitely sounds like us then, guys.
Wasn't us, though.
I was at the library.
You don't even know how to read it.
There's other stuff at the library.
Microfiche, for one.
Porn.
Never.
They do offer a lot of adult services, especially for those underprivileged and underrepresented
youths.
Wow.
I am underprivileged and underrepresented youth.
You're not a youth, though.
So, okay.
Yeah.
Let's go to the next island.
I guess we'll go to T-Tro's.
Why do you want to go there so bad?
I think it's an interesting culture.
I, for one, have always been interested in it.
Are you asking me or are you asking someone?
Oh, no.
Squish.
No, I already know why Squish wants to go there.
It's his homeland or his ancestral grounds.
It's probably mating related.
But you, somewhat human?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Close.
I've heard it's very dangerous for humans to go there.
Mm-hmm.
And so, just wonder why you wanted to take that risk.
Well...
Is there booty?
For booty?
No, there's booty.
There's treasure to be found, women to be found, whatever your definition of booty, that's
in Dejeros.
Human booty?
No, demon booty.
But I have to be honest.
I've been with plentiful women.
And honestly, demon, human, it all functions the same.
Wow.
How open-minded.
How forward.
Wow, tiger.
Well, interesting.
Wonderful.
You're all wonderful dinner hosts.
I was going to recommend doing this every night, but I think I'd get spoiled if I had you
here asking such evasive questions and just generally being pests.
I'm just trying to bond.
Yar!
I raised my glass.
I raised my bottle.
I raised my glass.
I raised my bottle of whiskey that you didn't know I had the entire time.
That was in your leg.
To the red captain.
Yes, to the red captain.
Ew.
Yes.
Well, you guys, you go to bed.
I want to, wait, can I see if I can, if I can see the, um, ukulele for dummies?
Yeah.
But you don't know it's there.
That's why I said look for it.
Like, I would just, I would like, look at the, yeah, look at the, um, bookshelf.
Sure.
All right.
You see it.
You see the bright yellow book with the red spine or the black words on the spine.
How to ukulele for dummies.
And I pull it out.
And just start thumbing through it.
Really quickly.
Are you a enthusiast?
I wouldn't say that.
I'm more of a flautist enthusiast.
You like flautist?
Very, very recently.
Oh.
Wow.
A musical man.
Unfortunately, uh, do you play?
No.
Oh, what a shame.
Yeah.
I've been practicing, um, my ukulele.
And unfortunately it's not, um, not for me, not a skill.
All me.
I, I'm sure you can do it.
This book helps, helps even dummies.
Well, you know.
I say give it up.
Thank you, Patches.
I'm uninterested.
Why did you send enchiladas?
Those are flautas.
Oh.
What?
The fuck up.
Oh my god.
I can't.
Sorry.
I'll pull it on mute.
What's happening to this man?
Oh, fuck.
Okay.
You good?
Can we continue?
Okay.
Um, yeah.
No, it's just, um, well, you know, not for me.
It's a little embarrassing, you know, to be as, uh, you know, successful as one I, as I might be.
And not be able to lay the ukulele.
I don't really like talking about it too much.
I was hoping to get much better at it before anyone found out.
Oh, well, just keep practicing.
I'm sure you'll get it one day.
I'll do it.
Thank you.
That was very nice of you, Squish.
You're all.
Well, I'm going to bed.
All right.
He, uh, kind of sends all of you out, uh, into the, into the evening, uh, shuts the door
behind him.
You're all going to bed.
Yes.
Okay.
So chuckles.
You are going to your, um, you're your own.
You're the only one, I guess, who's sleeping in that room.
That's meant for the staff, uh, or meant for the crew.
And it's got a skylight and where there had been two holes for your skylight is now just
an actual skylight.
It has glass in it.
Wow.
So you can watch, uh, as you go to sleep, you can watch the stars at night.
Uh, Captain, you are curled up in the bathroom.
That was about right.
Or patches, sorry.
You're curled up in the bathroom.
Captain patches.
Uh, and Squish, you're sleeping in the galley.
Is that correct?
Yes.
I have a hammock there.
If I get too cold, I just turn on the stove.
Um, as you guys start to drift off to sleep at some point or another during the night,
you again, feel that like feeling that you're being watched.
Um, it's not enough to wake you guys from your slumber, but you definitely feel like,
you know, like somebody just like glanced in the room and walked away.
Okay.
Uh, but in the morning, it's bright and early.
Uh, you guys are ready to set sail.
Uh, the captains got you gathered up on the deck.
Whoops.
Don't look at that one.
Hold on.
Uh, that is.
What did I do?
So terrifying.
Those racist demons.
Uh, he has you up all on deck and he's saying, all right, we're going to go sail to the next island.
Uh, siempre, siempre, siempre.
You guys catch that from last night?
There you go.
Oh, siempre.
Siempre, siempre.
Always time.
I'm glad, you know, you're judo.
Well,
I thought it was Spanish.
It's, it's, it's, it's fantasy Spanish.
Ah.
Yes.
Uh, siempre, siempre.
It's, uh, it's famous for not really anything.
It's just on the map.
It's our next spot.
Probably a good place.
We get there.
We'll dock.
We'll replenish our supplies and take the next hop.
Uh, would anyone like to take control of the ship?
Sure.
All right.
No.
So what?
I just grabbed this big wheel here?
You grabbed that big wheel there.
I just, just turn it.
You turn, well, you, someone needs to set sail.
All right.
Set sail.
Who's doing that?
I don't know.
I just.
No, no, no.
Didi.
All right.
Didi set and sail.
Someone who is staying here.
Hoist the anchor.
Anyone?
I'm not listening to Chuckles.
I'm driving the boat now.
I don't care.
I'm driving the boat now.
Me.
Catches.
Raise the anchor.
All right.
I start just pulling the anchor by the chain.
This is the guy trying to curry, curry our favor.
That was out of here.
All right.
Chuckles is sailing.
Okay.
He's jelling.
I'm driving.
So patches.
I'm going to have you just roll a finesse roll.
Okay.
Put another hole in the ship.
Why don't you?
Oh, yeah.
Well, you know, you never know.
Partial success.
Okay.
Well, sorry.
Chuckles, go ahead.
Let's see you set sail.
Is that?
Same thing.
Roll a finesse.
Yep.
Okay.
Can we just take it for granted?
Can't I tinker the boat?
Okay.
No, you can't tinker the boat.
All right.
Dee's just going to roll for.
What's happening?
What?
Hold on.
Give me a second.
All right.
Dee Dee is really able to pop the sails open and it really just catches the wind.
And you guys just sail.
And you guys just sail smoothly at a last hurrah.
And the sea starts opening up in front of you.
It's a beautiful, it's a beautiful, bright, sunny day.
It's a beautiful, bright, sunny day.
Behind you is last hurrah.
And everything looks like smooth sailing.
Excellent.
It looks like everything's going to be all right.
Nothing will ever go wrong.
I think those are the famous last words.
We can't die.
Also famous last words.
Hold my beer.
I'll give you something to hold.
You're, you're, you're catching in the, you're driving the ship.
I know.
I'm having the time of my life.
Also, I'm terrified.
All right.
Perfect.
As you guys start to get further and further out in the sea, you know, the day turns into the afternoon.
Clouds start to kind of form up.
It's getting a little bit, you know, not stormy, but definitely cloudier.
You notice the sea getting a little bit choppier.
And Captain Fitzclide, who's on the mast or at the front of the ship looking out.
He goes, uh-oh.
Well, that's not good.
That's not a good time.
I can't see anything.
Well, well, we might, we might have a little bit of an issue.
Uh, you see that over there?
It's not a leviathan, is it?
Well, uh...
Maybe it's a monkfish.
Yeah.
No, it's not a leviathan, if that's any consolation.
Is it the leviathan?
Oh, good.
It's many leviaths.
Many?
There's more than one?
Uh, as you guys are, look, you see that the sea is starting to kind of, like, writhe around you, so it's getting really choppy.
And you're just seeing these, like, bodies come and press the water.
But it's not, like, one or two or three.
It's a whole flood of one.
It looks like a giant dark streak in the water.
It's just covered with these writhing bodies.
And he goes, ah, we've, uh, kind of crossed the migration path of one of these leviathans.
Migration?
Back?
Yeah, well, you know how you guys were...
Wow, Tiger, way to ruin the flow.
The balloons.
Don't you have a ghost for this?
Uh, I only see black screen.
I don't know if I need a token or whatever.
Oh, I can see it.
I can't see it.
Oh, my bad.
Hold on, guys.
Sorry.
No, sorry.
I didn't want to ruin your flow.
Like the balloons.
Oh, because we're not in it.
Yeah, hold on.
Those are a lot of fucking leviathans.
Yeah, sorry about that.
What are you, Opie Taylor?
Who's that?
Yes, uh, so you see all of these, uh, kind of eel-like bodies undulating in the water.
And the captain yells, well, the good news is, is that none of them look too awful big.
We must have just missed...
Squish runs to the side of the boat with a monkfish head.
And just throws it as far away from the ship as possible.
Oh, he's trying to catch some fucking leviathan.
We're going to eat some leviathan tonight, guys.
Oh, yeah, this is a bad idea.
I don't know.
I'm trying to lure that away.
From the boat.
As my old buddy would say, that's good eating.
Hey.
He was talking about squirrel, though.
Let's get that, let's get that, uh, that ghost butler back out here and get him to dress up as a whale again.
Oh, no, no.
I don't know where he went anymore.
I lost him along the back.
I lost him way back, uh, back in Duskval.
Uh, you know, I don't, I don't know where he went.
Uh, are we by ourselves?
Yeah.
Listen, uh, he can't know I have a butler ghost, okay?
If he does, he might.
So now you're pulling some other scam?
No, I'm not.
If he finds out, he might murder me.
Listen.
Did you steal his butler ghost?
And then you're asking us to lie about it?
I'm just asking you to keep quiet about it.
You don't have to lie about it.
Just don't say anything about it.
I mean, if he asks me if you have one, I can't lie to the captain.
Why?
He'll make us walk the plank.
He'll mutiny on me.
I know.
Listen, guys.
I think he'll mutiny upon you.
As long as you keep your voices down about it, all right?
Just don't bring it up anymore.
All right?
It's important.
I'm sorry I lied to you.
I'm sorry about everything.
I really am.
I thought I had things under control, and I didn't.
All right?
I'm sorry.
But if you let him know I have Neelix, it might be the end of us all.
Okay.
But now how are we going to sexually seduce all of these leviathans?
We'll have to think of another way.
I've tried something, and I'm already out of ideas.
You didn't see that.
You didn't see that response coming, did you?
No.
Is that monkfish head doing anything?
You threw it.
Yeah.
Did it lure any of them away?
Can't hear you, Bridget.
You can't hear you, Bridget.
Sorry.
Probably not.
It did not lure them away.
They are kind of moving in mass towards the ship.
They haven't quite reached you yet.
But maybe one will get distracted.
But it is a large pod of 15 to 20 large seats coming directly for the ship.
We barely escaped one of these things.
They are significantly smaller than the one you fought earlier.
You were right.
The one you fought earlier was the big one.
I think we can take them.
Yeah.
Why don't you jump into 15 to 20 leviathans?
Don't touch me with a good time.
It won't be too bad.
I think we'll get through this.
I mean, as long as it doesn't start storming or anything.
No, no.
Those are also famous last words.
Hail the Jump Fort boys in the night they roam.
Souls and wolves with fire and crow.
With a clash and a crash and a twist of fate.
Explosions mark the hours never late.
The Jump Fort boys in the night they roam.