Hail the jump-forged boys, in the night they roam,
Sowsing wolves with fire and cruel.
With a clash and a crash and a twist of fate,
Explosions mark the hours never leave.
The Bon Voyage Bulletin.
A day at sea unravels more mysteries.
The crew spent the next day arguing about what to do for the next move.
Eventually was agreed that they would prepare to travel to Tietro,
despite their misgiving about both captains.
Squish caught a large anglerfish,
and Fitzclied declared they would eat the cabbage night.
Clotable expert Chuckles painted the cannon with some sick flames,
which did not increase its effectiveness, but did increase its coolness.
Patches, per usual, spent the time cooped up in the bathroom talking to Neelix,
who suggested that Patches might get further if he connected with his crewmates
and tried to be a bit more honest with them.
But Patches isn't the only person hiding something.
Chuckles met a mysterious girl named Maggie, who claims to work on the ship.
She quickly disappeared somewhere on the ship,
and Fitzclied claims to know nothing about her.
He tried telling the crew a story about a heart,
but as usual, they weren't listening, and instead saw something for you, Billy Lee playing.
He regrets inviting them for dinner.
But all that will have to wait, because a migrating school of Leviathan stands between the crew and their next stop,
and who knows what lies beyond.
It is canon.
He regrets inviting you to his dinner.
I thought he had a good time.
No, in fact, the title of the episode comes directly, I think, from what I said,
which is that you just ask a bunch of intrusive questions.
Especially you, Tiger.
And generally being pests.
Yeah.
I didn't know they were intrusive.
How was I to know?
Hey, well, if only Patches was more open and honest with us,
maybe I wouldn't have accidentally put my feet in my mouth.
It's cool that you got them both in there at the same time, though.
Yeah, and all that fish.
Yeah.
Well, I did learn from this newspaper, thankfully,
that we got in the middle of this Leviathan attack,
that it's a migrating school of Leviathans,
which means they are but children.
So we should be fine.
Yes.
They are not quite as large as the Leviathan you faced many, many sessions ago.
But in reality, it was probably only like a couple weeks.
Man, I'm just looking at that child.
Who is Maggie?
I think she's a figment of your imagination.
I think maybe you should listen to me more often.
You are the only person who has seen her.
I don't know.
The captain, the red captain seemed pretty pissed off about her for some reason.
He just pissed off because no one was listening to him.
What?
Sorry, I wasn't listening.
You said something about a harp?
Yeah, that happened.
It's really great when you can embody a character's feelings,
because I think I and the captain at that same moment were like,
you little shit.
Yeah, but Boo and his character also coincided because he wasn't paying attention.
I'm glad.
Let me just put it this way.
I'm glad the podcast exists.
So now that I can act like I know what the carp is all about.
I mean, it gives you, I don't know.
I like listening to the podcast because I'm much more able to imagine what's going on and picture it.
So I really pictured myself pulling an onion out of my ear.
It was fantastic.
I still love that line.
Let me tell you something about that monkey.
I know that monkey.
And I delivered.
Not really.
Well, now you're just splitting hairs.
All right, cool.
Yeah, so you guys, as the captain points, he says there's Leviathans, a school of them, migrating school.
And you do look and you see in the ocean above you these undulating masses.
Now, they are not nearly as long as the Leviathan or large as the Leviathan, as you thought earlier.
They are, you know, instead of being like 20 feet in length, they're, you know, much more significantly less.
Like five to six feet in length, which are very still pretty big.
Do they eat me?
Yes.
Probably not individually, though.
It would probably take at least two.
Okay.
You're quite a snack for a Leviathan.
Is that a compliment?
No, the captain says it's fucking real.
All right.
Well, am I still driving?
You are driving.
Oh, yeah.
To give some perspective, you are driving.
I believe, Squish, you're at the sales.
Yeah, I think I'm in the...
The crow's nest.
Right.
And I'm holding a dead anchor.
And you're holding, which is not necessary, since we are, in fact, moving.
I'm scared.
And drunk.
I need something to anchor me down.
Yeah.
I'm just taking...
Trying to take some better notes.
Chuckles is at the, uh...
Wheel.
To everyone's delight.
The whore.
All right.
Let's get this going.
Do you think it's possible we can just slide through and unnoticed?
No!
Yes.
Failure.
So, you guys didn't really see the Leviathans at first, even though the captain's been shouting
and pointing at them.
You were all bickering amongst yourselves.
And as the guys pull forward, you're out in the open sea at this point now.
You feel this big tabulterous whack against the side of the ship.
And you all kind of go tumbling to the side as those Leviathans, massive Leviathans, just
kind of slam into your ship.
Whoa!
Did anyone else feel that?
Yes, I did.
Did you hear me woeing?
I'm sorry.
I'm normally wobbling because of the, you know, the alcohol.
No.
Yep.
I felt it too.
Uh, that is a big one.
Although not as big as I've seen.
I've seen...
Somebody...
Get...
Wait.
Didn't you just fix the cannon?
I painted the cannon.
That's good enough.
Throw the cannon at them.
How about this?
Better idea.
I mean, no bad ideas.
But this is a good one too.
Let's use the cannon.
Brilliant!
Yeah.
Well, I'm driving though.
Um...
I...
Where did you park your cannon?
It's in the cannon room.
AKA my bedroom.
You moved it to your bedroom?
Um, well...
I don't know.
Yeah.
It was pretty sweet.
Seems like a really silly place to have it.
I wanted no one else to have it.
So are you gonna critique my lifestyle?
Or are we gonna start bringing this cannon out?
Alright.
I run to...
I'm gonna run to his room.
Uh, did you leave your skylight open?
It's cracked.
Alright.
No, the ghost did fix your skylight.
They put in a proper skylight for you.
No, yeah.
But she...
He left the window cracked is what I'm asking.
Oh, oh, oh.
That's what you're saying.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Alright, I'm gonna run to your skylight.
Okay.
I imagine it's right in the middle of the deck, too.
Because it's like...
The skylight?
Yeah.
I get a lot of upskirt shots in there.
If we were wearing skirts.
Yeah.
If there was any women.
As a reminder, you've all decided to sleep in the areas not designated for sleeping.
Patches, you're in the bathroom.
Squish, surprisingly, you're in the kitchen.
And the only one who's actually sleeping where they're supposed to be is, in fact, Chuckles,
who is sleeping underneath the bow of the ship.
So your skylight is literally, like, right at the front of the ship.
Nice.
Which is also now the cannon room.
So I guess I'm not supposed to sleep there anymore.
But I'm going to.
Alright.
Okay.
So, Patches, you've gone down into his room.
What does your room look like?
Yeah.
Can I take a survey of the room?
Yeah.
Take a survey of the room.
That's a good idea.
I need onions.
Oh, I can't.
You cannot tell where this cannon is because it is, I imagine, so filthy in your room.
But you tell us, Chuckles, what does your room look like?
It's awesome, for one.
So quit putting it down.
But it is filthy.
And by filthy, I mean disorganized.
Also, there's a lot of just various, you know, drawings on the wall.
Is there piles of laundry everywhere?
Yeah, piles of laundry that you've never, ever seen me wear.
Exactly.
But they are dirty.
And he's like, you've been here for three days.
Yeah.
It's just dirty laundry and what you think are children's drawings that are taped to the wall.
But you see they are of adult theme, not porno, just, you know, adult themes like violence and suggestive situations.
Any schematics?
Some schematics.
Some full frontal nudity, although tasteful.
And also there is just wires on the ground.
Good wires?
Chewed.
I would more nod than chewed.
And, well, you did say you can't find the cannon.
There is a big pile of what looks like clothes in the middle of the room.
All right.
So I'm going to start rooting around through the clothes, just like falling back.
Like, where the fuck did you put it?
I'm shouting.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
You left the window crack.
Oh, yeah.
But it catches me off guard.
Is it my pants talking again?
No.
In fact, wait, don't we have walkie talkies or it's only between you two, right?
We would never.
Oh, you have all made three walkie talkies.
Again, as I will remind you, you each have a walkie talkie.
But I hear you yelling.
Where's the cannon?
It's under my clothes.
Which one?
The dirty ones.
Oh, my God.
It's in the middle of the goddamn room.
Oh, the cannon shaped pile.
Yes, the cannon shaped pile.
Will you just roll it up here already?
How did you get it down these stairs?
It's complicated.
I had a system of pulleys.
Oh, my God.
There's no time to explain to you how they work.
You guys are arguing.
The Leviathans hit another part of the ship.
And this time you guys actually lean considerably far.
Oh, boy.
Is anyone going to do anything to try to prevent your immediate impact with this group of writhing sea creatures?
Is there a cannon hole?
A cannon hole?
In the inside of the boat?
Well, where the cannons goes out, you know, they don't-
Sometimes the cannon's on the top deck, but a lot of times they put it down underneath.
Is there a cannon hole in the floor?
There's a cannon hole.
There are cannon rooms on the floor that you are in.
However, it is not in the sleeping quarters of the crew.
Okay.
Which is where you are.
Okay, I'm moving the cannon, and I'm going to try to find a cannon hole.
Okay, I'm going to have you roll a finesse, because you've got to maneuver this heavy cannon all by yourself.
Okay, it's on wheels, though, right?
So we're good.
It is on wheels.
It is still large and cumbersome.
You're struggling.
Yeah, but it looks fast as hell.
Yeah, go ahead and struggle with that for a while.
Meanwhile, Squish patches, or sorry, Chuckles, you guys are on top of the ship.
But what are you guys doing?
Is there a captain on board?
I'm outside my britches here.
You guys, what?
I'm outside my britches.
No one would have expected you to be good at this first time, but this will be a good team-building experience for you.
But maybe since, and this is just a suggestion, there are no, I liked your suggestion, there are no bad ideas, just better ideas.
A better idea may be to start evasive actioning man who's at the exterior.
What the hell does that mean?
Stinger!
Dodge!
Move the wheel!
Just spinning on and grasping.
Just spin it like the wheel of fortune.
Yeah.
Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack.
Okay.
Let's see.
It's a tinker.
I'm going to say it's a finesse.
Again, another, you have to, you're, I mean, completely don't care.
I guess I have to roll that.
Yeah.
Finesse.
Things go badly.
Uh, yeah.
Whoops.
Well, we capsized.
Yeah, so the ship now, instead of, like, plowing forward, is just kind of, like, spitting, kind of in the middle of the water,
because you just took the wheel and just spun that sucker.
So you're, like, doing donuts.
So you're all going to take one strain for being slightly queasy.
I feel like you could say spinning or evading.
Sure.
Spinning or evading, except you're not really moving anywhere.
And this, again, very large group is coming to you.
Uh, you're kind of...
I don't have bad ideas.
You're right.
So you are spinning in the ocean, not going any direction you want to, but you are moving.
All right.
We're taking one stress.
One stress for that, because now you're all slightly nauseous from the spinning.
Oh, boy.
Squish, you're up in the, uh, the crow's nest.
How's that, how's all that spinning going for you up there?
Uh, not good.
Not good, huh?
If you just happen to find a pile of puke falling down from the top, that was Dee Dee.
Definitely not me.
Dee Dee's hanging on to the rigging, kind of like, like a tilt-a-whirl, just like, or Gravitron.
Never seen her more terrified.
Just white-knuckling it.
Uh, I think I'm just going to start taking pop shots at ones coming close to the, the ship as best as possible.
Okay, perfect.
Uh, yeah, go ahead and, uh, try to shoot one down.
That works.
You do it.
Awesome.
You do it.
Uh, so, yeah, you get a, you get a shot off.
Uh, it hits, uh, like a Leviathan straight in the, in the head.
It is only one, uh, but the blood in the water does make them kind of react a little weird.
They're kind of less, like, undulating now, and they kind of palm just slightly, uh, because now they smell blood in the water, and now they're, like, kind of in the hunting mode.
So they're starting to snip and snap at each other.
Oh, at each other.
Okay, good.
Good.
As long as it's not at us.
All right.
Patches, how's it going down in the, in the brig?
I'm still looking for the cannon hole.
I think I found one, and I'm going to initiate, uh, putting my cannon into the cannon hole.
I don't like the way you're describing it, or the motions you make when you do it.
Can I use wreck?
Yeah.
Yeah, go ahead.
Wreck.
Hooray.
You make your own cannon hole.
Can I, uh, I ram, I, um, I start running with the cannon, and I jump onto it, because the, the, the spinning has caused it to kind of roll.
And I'm holding on for dear life, and as I hit the, it goes right into the hole, and then fires.
And then comes right out of the hole.
Yeah, it fires, because it's a, it's a, it's a pull, it's a pulley system, right?
Yeah.
That's how cannons work.
No, the pulley system is to bring it up into the, down to the deck.
What did I pull to make, how did I make this thing fire then?
I just pulled something.
No, the pulley system was to move it.
I know, but there was a, something to pull that I could make the cannon fire.
I think you just light a match, don't you?
Or are you saying it's like a sparker?
Sparker.
Okay.
How is that, that's the technical term?
Sparker.
Uh, yeah, so you pull this, uh, the hole, the cannon flies out of the side of the ship.
You hear the captain fits tied from above, go, ah!
As he now has a new cannon hole on the side of his ship.
That wasn't meant to be there.
Uh, but you manage to get the cannonball to like plow straight through a group of Leviathan.
And on the top of the ship, on the deck, uh, squishes, squishes, I'm so sorry.
Chuckles and squish.
Uh, you can see that there's now kind of like a separation between like a group of Leviathan.
You managed to plow your way through.
And managed to put yet another hole in the ship.
Yes.
I think you guys are plus three for holes now?
Maybe, at least three.
Listen, if I can't be the captain, no one can.
I'm gonna bake holes.
It was the one thing we weren't supposed to do.
It was no waffle stomping, clean up after yourself, no holes.
No holes in the ship.
No poop holes.
No holes barred.
Uh, I would like to point out the path.
Yeah.
So, so.
I tell Chuck.
It's perfect because you're in the crow's list.
Yeah.
Uh, I just, uh, I'm yelling to the gray captain.
Uh, I, I'm gonna find my radio.
Let's say I found it.
Gray captain!
Hello?
Yes.
Who is it?
This is Chuck.
This is Chuckles.
I know your bit.
Anyway, I need, you need to come captain this thing.
The red captain's trying to teach me a lesson or some shit.
I don't want to learn how to drive a boat.
It's scary as hell.
I don't know what to do.
So, uh, you know, I need your help.
Is this Uncle Leo?
All right.
That's it.
I grabbed the wheel again.
I spin it in the other direction.
All right.
Let's have you throw another finesse.
Because I assume I, I have to, I have to go against the way I'm spinning into the, the opening.
That's what they tell you when you hit ice.
It's been the opposite direction.
Yeah.
They're like, they're like Leviathan.
Success.
What am I doing?
That's the tinker roll of them.
God damn it.
Oh yeah.
It almost worked.
Deception.
That's more like it.
Uh, this ship stops on a dime.
Just right where, uh, this break in the, in the hole, in the gap of Luthabia, Vincent's.
There's just a perfect stop.
All right.
Go forward.
Throttle up.
This thing isn't voice activated.
Did that work?
I don't know.
You tell me.
Are we going?
No.
Didi.
Sales.
Set sales to go.
Are you commanding Didi?
Uh, yes.
All right.
Command her.
Hopefully she knows what that means.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Nope.
Didi ignores you.
And although you don't understand what her, like, intense, like, chattering she does afterwards,
so she's like, ah, what, what?
Uh, you can, you know she's yelling at you.
And what she's saying is that I'm not your, uh, spirit animal.
I'm not your spirit guardian.
That is not the, this is not the place to be saying that's not my supervisor.
Squish.
Will you take care of this?
Make your, make the monkey do something.
Or you do it.
I don't care.
Set the sales to go.
That's not that we're on go.
No.
They're on less than go.
We need more go.
Uh, at that moment, uh, you see, you look and you look at the sales.
They're not, uh, lifted or like unfurled.
They're still tight against their, uh, casings.
So you are dealing with no wit, no flow right now.
All right.
I'll try to climb down and unfurl the sales.
Just make Dee Dee do it.
You're her boss.
You're her supervisor.
Probably just get into her brain and trick her into doing it.
All right.
Dee Dee.
Dee.
She's still yelling.
Dee Dee, let's unfurl these damn sales to go.
If there's an extra go, get that one too.
Okay.
Uh, she understands what you're saying.
Uh, cause you have that mentally.
Uh, so she starts climbing up in the sales and she starts pulling strings.
Uh, and you see the sales kind of billowing out here.
Uh, let's do a quick roll.
All right.
Anytime.
Okay.
Hmm.
How's that work?
Let's just split the difference and say it worked perfectly.
That's not what I wanted.
Slash R.
Oh yeah.
That's what I just did.
I think I had.
Yeah.
You want to do one, one D six maybe.
Yeah.
That's what it was.
Okay.
Cause you just rolled a one sided die.
One sided die.
And you won.
Ironically enough.
There we go.
Uh, still didn't work.
Uh, sorry.
Squish.
Uh, Dede is of course, as Dede starts to unfurl things, uh, she makes that mistake of looking
down and suddenly she sees one, how high up she is, which doesn't bother her so much,
but to the, uh, Leviathans kind of like snapping at each other.
Cause they were in your way before and they were bumping into you, but now they become
aggressive.
I think we just pissed them off.
That doesn't matter.
Okay.
Go.
I can only steer.
Can I run up and help, uh, help, uh, help, uh, help juggles out.
Can I climb the mass and start monkeying the sails?
You all want to climb up into the sails and let the sails out?
Oh, I want to come down at once.
Okay.
Well, I'm, I'm just going to leave.
I'm going to leave the wheel and start climbing like a little coconut boy up the, uh, up the
mass and, and just start flailing at the sails.
I mean, I kind of know how the sails work just because I did a lot of knots in the past
with my downtime.
So I have some idea how they work.
At least how to get them down.
I think.
Yeah.
Uh, go ahead and roll.
I'm going to say prowl cause well, I don't know what would be better prowler or finesse,
but let's, uh, everyone who's going up in the sails roll prowl.
So, uh, patches, are you going up in the sails?
No, I'm going to go grab the wheel.
Okay.
You go grab the real, uh, chuckles, roll your prowl as you like a little madman scurry around
undoing the knots.
All right.
Uh, prowl.
It's better for Ness and you just did for Ness.
We'll do something different.
I do it.
Well, uh, cause I'm timing down too.
So I'm going to, I'm going to roll prowl.
Okay.
And maybe we can get a critical success.
Cause we both got a six.
Awesome.
Yes.
Uh, boo, you did T slash again.
Uh, it's slash T, but if you put a space after T slash, it will still work.
You just have to put a space in there.
Well, go me.
I figured out the one way to mess it up.
I was like, I was so happy.
I was like, I'm going to put it in there so that he can use T slash instead of slash T.
And then it still didn't work.
Cause you have to put a space in there.
All right.
That's okay.
Uh, you two, as you, uh, carry around the sails, you feel this like cold breeze on your neck.
And then all of a sudden, uh, those sails billow out, they take flight.
You suddenly start lurching forward.
Now you are lurching towards the path you have created, but it is starting to close, um, as the, uh, group of leviathans kind of reforms itself.
And you now are kind of surrounded by these leviathans.
Um, all right, I'm going to climb back into the crow's nest and take shots at the ones closing in on the path to maybe get them to stay cleared.
Can I ram them?
Yeah, go ahead.
Oh, sorry.
You want to ram them?
Yeah, I want to ram them.
All right.
Uh.
Don't we have enough holes in the ship?
I have a good feeling about this ramming.
Okay.
Squish rolls his hunt.
He's doing a great job.
You're just popping them off one by one.
And just, you hear these wheels of, uh, pain.
Uh, these are like, of this leviathan.
You're just popping them off one by one.
Um, but there is blood kind of getting into the water.
And the more that you kill, the more sort of ravenous sort of like craze that the refs become.
And you see that they're starting to like fight and take tricks out of each other.
Um, as they're just kind of like, like a piranha, like swarming around this blood.
Awesome.
We don't want them to do that.
They're not attacking us.
Maybe we should just talk to them and calm them down.
With music.
Can anyone play ukulele?
That's harsh.
You know I can't.
All right.
The evasive questions.
I've heard only harsh music.
I can play ukulele.
We've tried it.
Do you want to hear me play ukulele?
Is this the time?
Is this the time or the place?
No.
All right.
Can I slide down the pole?
Yeah.
Go ahead and slide down the pole.
Okay.
I do that.
I mean, or do you, what is the, what are you trying to accomplish?
Well, to get down and then I want to go, I want to go by the cannons.
Okay.
Go ahead and roll finesse, I suppose.
Patches, you want to ram?
Yeah, I'm going to wreck him.
Okay.
Well, let him slide down the pole and then you can wreck him.
What?
Let him slide down the pole.
Congratulations.
You slide down the pole.
Really cool though.
All right.
But I went all the way down into the cannon room?
No.
So you should have stopped at the deck, but I feel like you kind of probably just fell off
halfway through and smashed through your sunroof.
Oh, I broke my new sunroof?
Mm-hmm.
So now we're back to two holes on ship.
That's what partial success means.
Captain, you want to wreck it?
I want to wreck it.
Any modifiers?
Sure.
Take plus one since the squish is cleared away for you.
All right.
Cool.
All right.
So I pass.
So I wreck it hard.
And I imagine the boat just kind of like there's a little jump in the air like I just hit a curb
on a skateboard.
Nice.
We're riding the waves.
Yeah, we're riding the waves.
And then what?
My land.
On what?
Leviathans.
They don't turn.
They don't turn like those rollers at the end of the.
Discovery zone.
Yeah.
Like hot dog rollers.
Out of character.
What the fuck, guys?
Why are you?
You've rolled so many successes.
Suck it, GM.
Goddamn.
It was like, hey, you better fucking prepare.
Yeah.
So you bounce on top of the Leviathans and you manage to kind of just like skirt past them.
Or we flirted.
Yeah.
So you kind of just hit the top of the boat, land in the water.
You take on a little bit of damage just because you are a large boat hitting a mass of water.
But you, with your sails completely full, you guys just start beelining it out of the way and away from this Leviathan board that was after you.
Wait, we did it.
We did it.
Yeah.
Okay.
We did it.
I hugged the cannon anyway.
Yar!
Do you want to shoot them anyway?
Just one more shot?
Like out the back of the ship as we drive away?
Yeah.
Well, yes.
Okay.
I mean, I just wanted to use my new cannon.
Like, I put a lot of effort into those flames and only the stupid captain got to mess with it.
The captain leans his head down into the hole and says,
Get the party shot, boy!
Let them know who they mess with.
Yes.
All right.
Wait, what am I rolling then?
Wreck.
Yeah, I'm going to wreck the piss out of these things.
These snakes.
I do it.
I'm going to wreck the piss out of these snakes.
Yeah.
So you hit the snakes.
What do you want to happen once the cannonball hits these snakes?
Well, I think we get far away.
So they're kind of in the distance.
So I had to loft it.
And it fires up and it kind of disappears into the storm.
And then it goes down all the way pretty far until you just see this small little ball hit into the ocean.
And then a gigantic mushroom cloud of water and animal parts come out of the water.
That's what I would like to happen.
Yeah.
So you exactly that.
You shoot off this cannon.
It disappears along the horizon.
And all of a sudden, mushroom cloud and bits of leviathan start kind of dropping onto the deck.
On our deck?
On our deck as well.
Oh, my God.
It was a nuclear cannon.
That's how you do it.
Oh, my God.
We're going to paint flames on everything.
We stole nuclear cannons from the other ship.
We stole flames on everything.
Turns out the painting actually really, like, picked it up a notch.
The next port put flames on the boat.
Holy shit, lads, the captain says on top of the ship.
That was amazing.
I've never seen anything quite like that.
That was completely illogical, unplanned, and entirely lucky.
You did it.
We did it, lads.
I feel like there's some skill.
We're a fine crew.
And me at the wheel.
Again.
You at the wheel.
Your can.
I thought the flames wouldn't have done anything.
But look at that.
Look at this.
We'll be eating well for a week.
What is this?
Sashimi?
This is amazing.
Holy shit.
We can eat it?
Yeah, of course.
Have you ever had Leviathan?
He's got his apron turned upside down.
And he's just loading him into the apron.
Have you ever had Leviathan caviar?
It's a delicacy.
I did.
And I was told that I shouldn't have done it.
Well, I'm glad you did.
Because it's fantastic.
I mean, look at all of this.
This was...
I mean, we've got two new holes in the ship.
That's bad.
We're going to have to patch those up before we go anywhere.
And you did break your skylight.
Well, you know, we'll munt that.
That's not so much of a concern.
But everyone has done a great job.
Even patches.
I saw you blast that first cannon.
Yeah.
And where were you?
I was supervising.
Very good excuse.
I was here.
Except the monkey.
The monkey didn't do jack shit.
Well...
The monkey unfurled the sails.
No.
The monkey refused to unfurl the sails.
And then just...
No.
Chuckles.
Chuckles unfurled the sails.
Yeah.
I know.
Did you see me climb up there like a little coconut boy?
Excuse me?
I thought we were patching up our relationship.
Then you got a...
Don't call me.
That was out of character.
It quite was out of character.
I would say.
It was my character.
It was my card.
It was very much in character for you.
Ungrateful.
You ingrate.
You ingratiate.
Yes.
That was...
That was not...
Patches didn't say that.
I'm going to use this time to go to the bathroom.
That's okay.
We should all take a break.
Because that was supposed to take you guys much longer.
Patches?
What are you, a hobo?
What did I miss?
Nothing.
You guys cleared the...
Whoops.
You guys cleared the...
The horde of Leviathans.
You're out...
Back on the open sea.
Got plenty to eat.
With plenty to eat.
But the captain is looking over your...
You know, supplies.
The one thing the Leviathan bodies did not drop was fresh water.
So he's taking a look and everything.
And he's like, well...
It's a little early to do this.
But we should probably stop at our next island.
We'll want to patch these holes.
Maybe stretch our legs out on land a little bit.
Also, we have one cannon left.
As a reminder, I have been keeping track.
Oh, one cannonball?
One cannonball.
Oh, they run out?
Well, you only had three.
And you just blew off two into the Leviathan.
One of them was our nuclear bomb.
Is that what that symbol meant?
Makes you wonder why...
What they had that on board for, you know?
Probably for blowing up Leviathans.
Probably.
And we use it to...
Send it as a send-off for something we've already completed.
Sure, that won't be a problem in the future.
Yeah, I'm sure that will come back to bite us in the ass.
There's a lot of judgment in your voice.
I mean, you're trying to teach the lesson.
I feel like we learned a lesson.
I definitely encourage you to do it.
It was pretty cool, right?
It was cool.
I feel like we learned a lot about collaboration.
That's true.
We learned about collaboration.
Yeah, just the three of us, though.
Well, TZ2.
Well, and TD.
And TD.
What?
I'm just laughing because...
What?
I can't remember what show it was.
Or maybe it's just a trope of, like, the new friend.
And you're like...
You're the one that's like...
Everybody hates the new friend.
Trying to get everyone to hate on the new friend.
Yeah.
Us three did collaboration.
And not so much...
I don't know about you.
Like a Stephen Crull.
Like a Michael Scott guy.
Yeah.
This isn't your home, Captain Fitzclyde.
And you're divorced, so you don't even have your own home.
Your own crew divorced you.
So they don't even like you.
You guys are sailing.
And one day turns into another.
Turns into another.
Okay.
As seafaring goes.
And eventually you see a little spit of land.
And the captain points it out.
He goes,
Land is...
We're gonna live in there.
Try to find some fresh water on that island.
Yeah.
Are we starting to get ragged?
Because you said it's been for, like, a long time.
It's been a few days.
And, well, I did want to make a quick meeting about personal hygiene.
Oh, this is the captain speaking.
I hope it's not Bridget.
No.
Now, I know that you've all been doing your best part to keep the place clean.
And I do appreciate that.
But what are we doing to keep ourselves clean?
Now, before you go into too much detail...
Crickets.
It's just...
One thing I'm noticing is that there's a strong...
Earthy smell.
Well, we are on Earth.
But...
Are we?
Because we really should just be smelling salt water.
And instead, I'm smelling a lot of musk.
A lot of mud.
Thank you.
Now, I didn't want to say anything.
But since you've spoken up, I...
Are you...
I took a look at your room.
I feel like that's a violation.
Apologize for violating your privacy on my ship.
I don't go in your...
I don't go in your room.
And you better fucking not.
Are you growing onions down there?
What?
No.
You're not growing any sort of...
Was that wrong?
Was I not supposed to do that?
Turn up...
Potatoes.
Because if I knew I wasn't supposed to do that, I wouldn't have done it.
Rutabaga.
But I didn't know that was a rule.
Like...
Well...
I thought we only had...
That's fair.
...two rules.
Yeah.
It was grow onions...
We did add...
...at all costs.
And something about pooping.
I don't remember what.
It was no waffle stomping.
Right.
And keep yourself clean.
Don't blow holes in the ship.
We've added that one.
I know we've collectively agreed that we should try to avoid the amount of holes that go on the ship.
I don't know if we collectively agreed.
Yeah.
I don't think we took a vote on that.
I think we're all voted here.
I feel like you were supposed to bring that to vote.
By the single majority over here.
Am I right, lads?
Yeah.
I'm still...
I'm still not quite signing up for...
Your piling on the Red Captain.
He's not subscribed to your newsletter.
You're helping out a lot, aren't you, though?
A little bit, yeah.
I'm progressing.
I bring up the hygiene simply because the next island we're stopping at, I think there's like a hot spa.
Hot spring.
Hot.
Spring.
Oh.
So there's water.
I'm just saying, make sure you're clean before you get back on the ship.
There's fresh water, but you want us to dirty it up by bathing in it?
Well, I know there's a hot spring.
I'm hoping there's a cold one because I really don't want you to collect cold water or hot water.
Well, it'll eventually cool down.
He's right.
That's how science works.
Science.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'll go in the hot spring.
I feel like...
I'm feeling really attacked right now.
I mean, I...
None of these other guys smell very good either.
I mean, Squish over there, he smells...
Hey!
He smells like all sorts of kitchen shit, like grease and rats or something.
Some kind of vermin.
Wow.
You don't have to bring me into this.
You're the smelly one.
And the great captain.
The great captain.
Yes.
Yeah.
He smells like human feces.
I mean, he sleeps in a bathroom.
And that was before I got into the bathroom.
He loves it in there.
It's better in there than out here.
Yeah.
So, I mean, I don't think...
I need to be singled out.
That's all I'm saying.
It's not good for...
You didn't have to drag us into it.
What?
You stink.
And also, one of us is a monkey.
I won't say which, but that one stinks.
Oh, my God.
I love this game.
We have a monkey.
He's cleaner than you are, Captain.
Okay.
It's not a contest.
It is.
I'm just saying...
Yeah.
There's only one captain.
I'm just saying...
Yeah.
No.
There's...
That's debatable.
Also, Fitz Clyde, if that's your real name.
It is.
I seem to remember you having quite an odor to yourself, too.
That is true.
Now that you mention it, you do stink.
So, we're hot spring together.
Oh, my God.
So, we're hot spring together is what I'm hearing.
Naked.
What?
Spidey.
He kind of, like, wraps his arms around the two, you know...
I'm back on the red captain's side.
On patches.
And along on the...
Chuckles.
And he kind of...
One of us is happier than the other.
...leads you up onto the ship, onto the dock.
You guys land at a beautiful, lush beach.
Aqua shores.
Sandy.
Golden, sandy beaches.
Further up in the shore is, like, a jungle.
Lots of dark, dense, you know...
Foliage.
Very beautiful place.
If this was a movie, there'd be some, like, twang of ukulele.
And, in fact, you see the captain's brought his ukulele with him.
He's kind of strumming it on this little beach.
Are there leis?
No, there's no leis.
But you do see the remains of, like, you know, beautiful flowers everywhere.
It does seem like a very gorgeous, lush place.
I was afraid you might say there are remains of beautiful women.
No, no.
Okay.
You're on the island, and he goes,
Well, boys, welcome to Siempre Siempre.
It's one of my favorite spots in this desolate little hell we call Earth,
or wherever this planet is.
You ever been?
No.
What else did you do on here besides the spa?
I've been here once before.
I'm not impressed.
Fair enough.
Must have been on your own adventures, because I've never been here with you.
A couple things we're going to want to check out.
Maybe get some food.
The spa.
Maybe patch up our ship.
You know, we can spend a couple days here, or longer if we want.
Wait, wait, wait.
Why do we have to patch up our own ship?
Why don't we have ghosts for that?
Well, the ghosts, uniquely enough, tied to the ship,
they need you to bring things back to the ship for them to patch.
Ah, material.
Oh, okay.
Material.
I provide the labor.
You provide the material.
Really?
Where the hell are we going to find the glass?
I don't know how we found it in the first place.
It just kind of showed up.
It's a ghost head.
Don't worry about the glass.
It's just time for us to relax, stretch our legs.
There's a hot spring up yonder we can all start heading off to.
I take my clothes off.
All right.
I just leave my clothes in a pile and just start walking naked into the,
I don't know, wherever he pointed to when he said there's a spot.
Did you shape your clothes into a cannon shape?
No, they just fell off of me.
It's actually human shaped.
You can see my outline just from the clothes.
They're just like stiff like this.
They're very stiff because they have not been cleaned in two or three years.
Are you keeping your hat on you?
Yeah.
I took my clothes off over my hat.
That's the spirit, lad.
Just 200 yards that way and find the hot spring.
You see my dirty little white boy butt as I walk into the forest towards the hot spring,
the hot spa.
All right.
I turn to Patches and go, I don't know if he's pale or just, or tanned or just really dirty.
I don't know, but don't, don't, don't look directly at it.
You'll go blind.
What the hell are we doing here?
You gotta get fresh water.
Squish, squish.
Let's go get the fresh water.
Let's get the wood.
And let's, let's see if we can get back to the boat and get out of here.
We'll get, we'll get chuckles and we'll, we'll just kind of, you know, come off.
I don't think that's a good idea.
Why?
Oh, you don't know where we're going.
I have ideas.
I have a concept of an idea.
That fills me with a lot less hope than you probably wanted it to.
Do you have a plan?
I have a concept of a plan.
I have a thought of thinking of a plan.
Oh my God.
No, I don't, I don't think that's a good idea.
Why are you putting naked people on our thing?
I just wanted you to have a visual of what I was doing, which is walking away nude.
You're just sending nudes to us now.
Yeah, they're man nudes though.
So it's okay.
Man nudes.
I'm sorry.
I broke up your flow.
You guys were role playing.
I'm not here.
No, no.
We can see that.
Well, all right.
Let's go into the woods and see what we can do.
Let's just keep this idea floating because we should definitely take that ship and shove off.
Right.
Okay.
I'll think about thinking about it.
I had the concept of keeping that thought, but.
I think we should.
What's the captain doing?
Where's he at?
The captain has made himself comfortable.
He's from like a log and he's kicked his like feet off and you see him kind of like dig
them into the sand and he's doing the complete like relaxing at the beach pose.
He's just chilling out.
Hands behind his head.
So he's not going to help us.
Oh, patches.
Give me a bottle of rum.
I don't have rum.
Give me a bottle of booze.
You got it, dude.
And I pull out one.
Your smallest bottle.
Oh, you want my smallest.
Hold on.
One second.
That's my middle one.
There you go.
I grab it and I go walk up to the captain and put it in the sand next to him.
What's this for?
To drink.
What else?
All right.
Will you be joining this?
No, no.
I got to go find water and food to make sure we survive.
That's why I like you squish.
You're actually a practical forward thinking man.
The rest of us have to work.
Patches.
Your cynicism is not welcome in this moment.
You're not here right now.
You say that right to his face.
Yeah.
And then I walk away.
You walk away.
You say that.
You just march away.
You're not here right now.
And I walk away.
Okay.
You walk into the woods.
The captain takes the whiskey or the bottle and he kind of gives you a little.
Thanks.
For that.
Oh, but I do want to ask him.
What the fuck's up with the woods?
Oh, they're really hella haunted.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I'm not going.
I'm scared of ghosts.
All right.
I sit next to him and I chug on the bottle.
Perfect.
While you're drinking.
The spring is in the woods, right?
He pointed towards the woods.
I didn't just start walking into the woods.
In a random direction.
No, no.
You're both.
The only thing on the beach is like the water in the beach.
Anything that you need are going to be within the woods.
Okay.
So you're going to go ahead and start drinking with the captain.
Now, the two of you are both walking into the forest.
You are separated.
Naked.
And after a while of walking, you realize you're not finding a path or any sort of normal walking distance.
Can you all see what just popped up?
Yeah.
Well, I can see.
Yeah.
It's a little forest hut.
Do you guys see that?
It's like a forest garbage junk fort.
Oh, my God.
It is indeed.
As you guys walk into the...
Now, separately.
You're not together.
You walk in and you see this...
What looks like your old garbarge.
It's run down.
It's vine covered.
It's empty.
But it is, in fact, your garbarge.
You know this instinctively.
You can see the carpet on the walls.
You can see the hole that you cut out in the center.
It is home.
So who wants to go first?
We can't see each other.
No.
You are independent of these woods.
But this is what you both have stumbled onto independently of yourself.
But Tiger, we'll start...
Patchett, Chuckles, we'll start with you.
All right.
I'm just whistling.
Just walking briskly towards...
This spring has got to be anywhere.
Soon, I'm going to...
He said it was in this direction.
I'm walking this direction.
I will find this.
What is that?
And I look out of the corner of my eye.
And I see...
Is that the...
No.
The...
Is that the junk fort?
And I walk towards it.
And I stick my head into the window.
And I look through.
And I was like...
Hmm.
That...
That carpet looks awfully familiar.
And...
Oh, yeah.
That's my...
That's my invention corner.
And that hole...
Oh.
I've pooped so much through that hole.
I know that hole anywhere.
And I climb through the window.
I'm still naked.
And I squat over the hole.
I'm like, nope.
This is the hole.
And...
This is the junk fort.
And I just kind of walk around and look at it.
This is weird.
What?
You hear this, like, brisk womanly voice yell at you.
And as you turn, peeking through the window at you, squatting, pooping into this hole, which
is at ground level, by the way.
There's no drop.
Is, like, this old crone woman staring at you through the window.
Wait.
I'm not pooping in the hole.
I was just squatting, like, mimicking, like, just getting a feel of it.
She was pooping in the hole?
No.
She saw you.
She's looking through the window.
She sees you.
You are naked, by the way.
Oh, yeah.
I remember.
You have not been clothed.
Ah!
No, I...
Whoa.
Oh, no.
I was just startled by your utter beauty.
What are you doing in my house?
This is your house?
Yeah.
Yes, my house.
What are you doing here?
No, I just...
Just passing through.
She kind of scurries into the house.
Like, she just kind of, like, puts her hand on either side of the windowsill and just, like,
flithers up and over onto the other side.
She's kind of glaring at you.
And she's got these gnarled fingers and just really aged face.
And she's an old, crone-looking, old, nasty-looking woman.
And she goes, did you...
Were you in fighting here?
Uh, not exactly.
Not...
In writing.
No one asked you to come.
Uh, someone...
I was told to come.
To the house.
To...
Away.
From where they were.
She kind of stares at you and she's, like, peering at you and she's like,
What's your name?
Um...
Corey.
Corey Trevor.
First name and last name.
Corey Trevor.
Just one.
No, no, no.
Just, yeah.
Corey.
First name.
Last name Trevor.
Last name Leahy.
So, Trevor actually is my middle name.
Sorry.
I know it's confusing.
Sometimes I get confused.
You can just...
Corey Trevor Leahy.
Yeah.
You can just call me...
Corey.
Well...
Corey...
Are you...
Lost?
Uh...
Well...
Actually, now that you mention it...
Yes.
I was looking for the spa.
I was told there was a spa.
In my spa clothes.
And she, like...
Discreetly, but not so much, kind of, like, takes in that you're naked.
Then just kind of politely looks slightly to the left of you.
Thank you.
She's, uh...
Well, there's a...
There's a hot spring around here somewhere, but...
I don't...
Yeah, the hot spot.
I don't know.
If it's...
She kind of, like, bewildered and, like, starting to look around.
And then...
Eyes kind of glaze out for a second.
And then...
Snaps back.
And she's like, oh...
Who are you?
I'm Corey Trevor Leahy.
Are you invited?
Uh...
Not...
In writing.
Why are you here?
Why are you in my house?
No, no, no.
I'm just...
But a humble guest.
I'm just looking for the hot spa.
The hot springs.
And...
And you can kind of see the start.
Skull is about to renew itself.
Because, like, she's starting to look for the hot springs.
And, uh...
She kind of, like, blazes out again.
And then comes to...
And then starts this whole thing.
Who are you?
All right.
Well, I'm just going to show myself out.
Uh...
And I start walking towards the window to crawl out.
Sure.
Uh...
You crawl out of the window.
No problem.
Uh...
She lets you go.
She doesn't stop you.
Uh...
You start walking through the woods.
Uh...
A little bit.
And, uh...
As you clear the next corner.
Uh...
You realize you're back.
At the, uh...
Garbarge.
You have walked in a circle, presumably.
Not one of these things again.
If only I had a map.
Additionally, if I could read a map.
We're going to switch for a second.
We're going to go up to, uh...
Chuckles.
Uh...
You stop.
And...
Not sorry, Chuckles.
I'm so sorry.
The names.
Uh...
Patches.
Yark.
Uh...
You see the, uh...
The same hut.
Wait a minute.
Is that...
My ship!
And I, like...
I start skipping over.
Oh!
Huh!
I start smacking the wall.
It's real!
Ah!
Guys!
Where is everyone?
I don't care.
I, like, leap through the window.
The open...
The open door.
It's here!
The open door or the open window.
Whatever.
You know, the...
It's kind of both the same thing.
Yeah.
It's here!
The carpet!
It juggles Dinker Shop!
Oh!
It's seen better days.
And the poop shoot!
It hasn't seen much better days.
Oh, wow!
It's all here!
Yeah!
And there's the stick!
Oh, wow.
The stick.
What?
The stick.
Yeah, that controlled...
I know.
I remember the stick.
Yeah, I forgot about the stick.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You know, it's nostalgic.
I'll stick.
Strain.
Um...
As you're looking around,
you kind of hear this, like,
quiet, timid voice from behind you
of someone else kind of peeking in the door after you.
And she's like,
Hello?
Are you...
Is anyone here?
Well, hello!
Hello!
It's a very young, lovely woman.
Quite busty.
She goes,
Who are you?
What are you doing here?
Uh...
I am, uh...
Captain Adric Fitzclyde.
Um, this is my ship.
Well, it was my ship.
I got a new one.
This is...
I'm just revisiting an old ship, you know?
Kind of like, uh...
Like an old home you used to live in.
That kind of, uh...
You outgrew.
Definitely outgrew this baby,
but man, it brings back memories.
You are.
Uh, I'm sorry.
What did you say your name was?
Captain Fitzclyde.
Of the Kahuna Wave?
Yes.
You may have heard of me.
I remember the last time you were here.
And she pulls out from the side of her, uh...
Like, dress.
A knife.
And she lunges for you.
Uh...
I dodge.
Okay.
Uh...
Oh, shoot.
Let me bring you guys in.
Sorry.
Let me...
Do, do, do.
So you're gonna try to dodge out of the way?
Yeah, what is...
What would that be?
Uh...
I'm gonna say it's a...
It's a finesse.
Or, uh...
Yeah.
Say skirmish.
Let's do skirmish.
Yeah.
Alright.
And dodge.
Partial success.
Uh, you're able to dodge her initial blow as she, like, kind of goes to stab at you.
Um, but she does kind of kick, like, corner you as she does it.
So she, you know, goes to stab for you and you grab her hands.
Oh, but she's kind of got you pinned into the corner now.
And she's, like, just straight up pissed.
Like, she's clearly trying to kill you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's going on?
I mean, what's all this about?
You promised you would never come back.
I didn't think my ship would be here.
I just came back to come, uh, to visit my ship.
Where are we exactly?
This is the island of Tienfri Tienfri, you ass.
You left me here.
I did, uh, did I, um...
What, are you sure?
There's many, there's, there's actually a couple Fitz Clydes out there, if you can believe it.
I just found this out myself.
Uh, there's a couple of us.
And we're all in the pirate business, you know?
The biz, as we all collectively call it.
Um, that might not have, I don't remember leaving you here.
Were you a blonde back then?
Clearly, I'm blonde now.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Okay, this was a redhead I left on a different island called, um, Tienfri Tienfri.
Um, that wasn't you, right?
Go ahead and roll your sway.
Let's see if this works.
I forgot about that story.
Sorry.
She doesn't 100% believe you, but she doesn't stab you anymore.
She's still on guard.
Okay, okay.
But she puts her knife away.
Okay, all right, let me calm down, calm down, listen.
I may have been lying.
My name is not actually, uh, my name's not actually Captain Fitzclyde.
My real name, my name is Patches.
Patches McKenzie.
Nice to meet you.
So.
Now, I'm not Captain Andrew Fitzclyde, but it sounds like you don't like him.
No.
All right.
He left me here.
He turns, guess what?
I actually mutinied him off his own ship.
And then he came back.
You believe this shit?
And you took his name?
Uh, at first it was a, as a case of, uh, amnesia mixed in with some, uh, you know, grandiose, uh, opinion of myself.
But, uh, I thought maybe I could just take his name and his, uh, and his ship and people wouldn't question it.
I mean, he's got a pretty nice ship.
Have you seen the thing?
It's red.
It's mahogany.
Yeah.
Well, it does.
All I know is it does a pretty mean ollie into the air.
It's got some sick moves.
Yeah.
It's got some sick moves.
All right.
So listen, here's the thing.
I'm actually with him right now.
I have to be with him because he's got the only ship in the goddamn area.
But I'm trying to get that ship.
Do you want to help me try to get it?
You should just go.
I, I don't just walk into random people's houses.
This is my house.
You can take me to Adric Fitzclad.
I wasn't lying before when I said this was my first ship.
Okay.
This was my first ship.
Uh, you know, when I tried becoming the captain the first time and then I lost it to a Leviathan and I had to jump through the poop hole.
And then we went to a cave of wonders and of magic and then, and then we ended up on the ship.
Then we got attacked and then there was a Leviathans again.
I just, I can't get rid of the Leviathans.
So yeah.
Um, wait, what did you ask?
I think it'd be best if you just left.
Wait, what's your name?
Why am I, why are you kicking me out?
I thought we were becoming a, starting a friendship.
My name is Margaret.
Margaret.
Oh my goodness.
Uh, he left you here on this, on this Island.
Yeah.
He left me here.
Well, I am going to go give him a piece of my mind.
Do you want to join me?
And you know,
yeah,
let's go find Adric Fitz Clyde.
And she really stubbornly kind of just sighs and just puts her knife back in sheath and follows you as you walk out the door.
All right, then.
Nice ship, right?
Yeah.
Nice ship.
Too bad we won't.
And as you guys are speaking, you're walking through the forest.
Uh, and the same thing, you turn the corner and just as she finishes, it's like, yeah, I'm sure we will never see it again.
You round back and you're now again at the front of the, uh, the guard barge.
You again have walked seemingly in a large circle.
Oh.
Not this again.
Oh no.
Is the woman with him when he walks away?
Sorry, I missed it.
Was the wood.
Did they walk together and then they came upon the barge again?
Yeah.
Okay.
Together.
Holding hands.
Kissing.
Gently.
Uh, Squish, you were on the, uh, you're sitting on the beach with the captain drinking.
Um, he has taken out his ukulele a little bit.
He played a few, uh, strums and it's terrible.
The guy can't figure out where to put his giant fingers on this thing.
So it's just like, if you've ever seen, you know, like someone try to like hit a cat with
a ukulele, it sounds like a cat.
I have not seen that before.
It's just, I don't think that typically happens.
Have you thought about maybe playing a bigger instrument?
You got big old sausage fingers there.
You know, it was the love of the ukulele that got me into the ocean.
That is weird, but okay.
It's also not true.
I just found this thing somewhere and I thought it'd be fun to pluck up a few strings and try
to learn a new hobby.
You know, when you're mutinied and you're on an island all alone, you get kind of lonely.
Yeah.
And so I feel like, you know, it washes up on shore.
Yeah.
Tailors all this time.
Yeah.
You know, you got something you need to do.
Right.
Uh, so maybe switch to a guitar.
Nah, I like the ukulele.
It's more of just a personal quest at this point.
It really doesn't like you.
I think that books should be better.
I mean, it would be easier if the books came with music, like a, like a CD or something,
you know, you could play along with.
It's really hard to imagine what the music looks like from a book, especially when you can't
read them.
Wait, you can't read?
No, I can.
Oh.
But I imagine for people who can't, it's hard.
Right.
But you can read and it's hard.
Have you?
Yes.
Learning music is hard from a book.
Okay.
There he is.
He's playing the ukulele.
Why is there a cat?
Why is he supposed to be playing?
Yeah, he's a cat.
I just thought, I thought there was a cat that the captain, the red captain had a cat that
I just completely missed out on.
Here's my question, Squish, for you.
Why are you running around with these guys?
What else was I supposed to do?
I don't know.
What were you doing before?
What were you doing before this?
I don't really remember.
Crime.
Yeah, but I was doing, hey, you're not here.
Oh, hey.
I don't know.
I was working in a restaurant.
Not doing anything.
It was very boring.
Now look at me.
I'm on a haunted island.
Yeah.
It's pretty haunted.
I left a woman here once.
Oh, really?
I picked her up in port a few weeks earlier.
Yeah.
You know, things didn't go so hard.
Just, when am I going to go home?
When are you going to show?
When are you going to stop collecting ghosts?
I just got tired of hearing about it.
I dumped her on this island.
They always complain about the same thing.
I don't even know how long ago that was.
Huh?
They always complain about the same thing.
You don't shower.
Yeah.
You got too many ghosts.
It's like we live in a world where ghosts are used as energy.
I'm sorry.
I'm powerful.
Right.
So, when, how long ago was this?
Oh.
I don't even know anymore.
You think she's still alive?
Or no.
I was still.
She'd be old.
Oh.
As old as you?
Some questions you don't want the answers to.
I'm not that old, by the way.
Okay.
I'm like in my 50s.
You know.
That's almost as old as Juckles looks.
He is a little squirrely man.
But you could be doing more with your life.
You don't have to be a pirate.
I can tell your heart's not really in it.
You know.
Patches.
For all of his shit.
Really, really wants to be a pirate.
He really puts his all into it.
I can tell.
I think he's a diabolical, two-faced, uncontrollable liar.
I couldn't tell the truth to save his life.
Isn't that what being a pirate's all about, though?
No.
And I don't begrudge him that.
You know.
But pirate to pirate.
It's a little bothersome to deal with.
And the mean comments.
They're mean-spirited.
Right.
Yeah.
He's never really been too nice.
And then you've got Chuckles.
Who just.
I can tell.
The boy's got a heart of gold.
I don't know what surrounds it.
Is it human?
Is it.
Is it gnome?
I think it's onion.
He has many layers.
Like his beloved onion.
He's a complex man.
But at the heart of him.
Is a heart of gold.
And I can tell.
Even if he doesn't love pirating.
He's a dedicated cabin boy.
Did you know he likes to drink out of shoes?
Does he pull that out here yet?
Yeah.
We honestly haven't gone drinking.
You're the first one.
That's ever actually come drinking with me.
Oh.
Well.
Maybe it'll happen again.
Maybe.
We gotta get off the island first.
Well.
Why did we come here.
If we can't get off?
We definitely need fresh water.
I don't know about you.
But I.
We've just been.
I've just been looking at that sea.
Being so thirsty.
And I know if I drink it.
It's gonna taste terrible.
So where's the fresh water at?
There's like a.
Grove or something.
I don't know.
Up over on that hill.
Well then why don't we go get some.
And continue talking and drinking.
Ugh.
All right.
And he.
Kind of stumbles up.
And he's a little drunk.
Now at this point.
And he's stumbling.
Are you standing as well?
Yeah.
I'd like to stand and start walking.
Behind him.
Okay.
He's starting to walk behind you.
And as he's walking behind you.
He's still kind of mumbling and grumbling.
He has hit a lot of his bottle.
At this point.
He's just like.
Ugh.
And the worst part about it.
Is that.
Everybody gives you grief.
For trying to keep the place clean.
But I just don't want to attract rats.
You know.
And gnats.
And fruit flies.
I mean.
Bugs are just disgusting.
And.
In the middle of the ocean.
How are we going to get a rat.
If we haven't had them already.
That's the thing about rats.
They just get there.
You bring in a bag of rice.
Or a bag of grain.
And you think.
Well there's surely no rats in here.
And then suddenly you got a rat problem.
Hmm.
Interesting.
And he's kind of muttering.
And talking to himself.
And as you kind of walk.
And you enter the darkness.
Of the forest.
He's getting quieter.
And quieter.
You can hear.
His footsteps kind of get softer.
And softer.
This is.
Until you turn around.
Exactly what I didn't want.
And the captain is no longer there.
No.
As you're walking.
You again.
You see this.
The garbarge.
Your dear old beloved house.
Oh no.
That's how he got rid of that thing.
Oh no.
No.
I just walked by it.
You walk by it.
And you keep on walking.
And then.
You see it again.
In the next sort of hill.
It just pops up.
There's the garbarge.
Hmm.
I don't like this.
I don't think I walked in a circle though.
I am drunk.
Are you going to keep walking?
I like how you're just like.
Figuring this out.
And like.
I don't think I did that.
Like you're like.
But I am drunk.
It is entirely possible.
You're talking it out with yourself.
Hmm.
I don't like this.
All right.
I go inside the garbarge.
Inside.
It's just how it looks.
When you left it.
Except a little grown over.
You want to take a look around.
Or you.
Yeah.
I want to look around for that pile of.
I don't think it was clothes.
But like.
Carpet or drapes.
That.
Didi turned into a bed.
And I want to just sleep on it.
Okay.
It's been in the ocean.
So have we.
Gotcha.
All right.
Fair enough.
Continue.
You lay down.
And you start taking.
A little nap.
Chuckles.
Yeah.
You and the old crone are back at it.
Wait.
Oh yeah.
Because I came up on the.
The garbarge again.
Yes.
You left.
And you came back.
And there she is.
And the woman is.
The old lady is still in the house.
Where you left her.
Not doing anything.
Just kind of.
Just staring awkwardly.
Lady.
What?
Where is the hot spot?
The hot springs?
Yeah.
That.
Whatever.
I need to go.
I don't know.
I can't remember.
I don't remember anything.
What do you mean.
You don't remember anything?
My name was Peg.
Old Peg.
They called me.
Old Peg.
Okay.
Old Peg.
Well.
Why don't we get you cleaned up?
Let's go to the hot spot.
Me and you.
We'll double.
We'll double barrel it.
Let's just.
Let's go.
It'll make you feel better.
It'll make you feel less old.
Probably.
I don't.
Know where it is.
She's kind of getting a little whimpery.
A little sad.
Why?
Oh.
All right.
How can I help you, Peg?
You need help.
Old Peg.
Clearly.
You need help.
I just.
I've been on this island for so long.
I just want to leave.
And you keep asking me where the hot spring is.
But every time I keep walking, I just run into this house over and over and over again.
I thought you said this was your house.
Well, I've been here long enough.
It might as well be my house.
That's how I felt when I was here.
Wow.
You were here before?
Well, I mean, if not this place and when it looked a lot like it.
Yeah.
It was.
It used to be a boat, you see.
But before that, it used to be just a hunk of junk way up in the sky between two buildings.
And you see three men live there and a monkey.
One was very handsome.
It was me.
A monkey?
No.
It was me.
I'm the boy in this story.
I'm the boy.
That little baby.
That little baby boy was me.
And now I am a man.
That's a lovely song.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
So, okay, old Peg.
How old are you then?
Because I've lived here for years.
My entire life.
Really?
And there's nobody else here?
You just lived here by yourself the entire time?
Yes.
Well, that sucks.
Also, that doesn't really work out temporally.
Because I was here.
It was but a week, two.
It's really unclear, but it's been less than a year.
Maybe a year tops that I lived here.
Well, I don't know what to tell you.
I got abandoned here years ago.
This guy just left me.
And this house is the only thing that's been here.
What do you eat?
Food.
Do you have any food?
Can we share a meal?
There's an endless supply of cat food?
I mean, sometimes I like to chew up the carpet if it's a nice cold night.
But here, she kind of goes behind the house and you hear her rummaging.
And she comes back and she has a basket of some assorted fruits.
You know, bananas, pineapples, coconuts.
There's a lot of fruit on this island, not much else.
The tropical mix.
Yeah.
That's what I want to call it.
I thought you could mix it all up and make it a flavor called fruit punch.
Fruit.
Now that, if you ever get out of this house, you should patent that idea and make it.
You want to try some fruit punch?
No.
But I'm sure other people will.
Peg, have you ever considered that perhaps you're a ghost?
Says that the people, honestly.
Well, I mean, the reason I say that is because you can't leave this house.
So you might have unfinished business.
You can't leave it either.
But you can't leave the house either.
Are you a ghost?
Oh, my God.
Am I a ghost?
Oh, my God.
Are we ghosts?
You're doing this all naked.
Yes, I am very naked.
Yeah, I forgot.
You're absolutely nude in this scene.
What the fuck?
Except for a hat.
Yeah, you ever seen a nude ghost?
I mean, Casper, technically.
Yeah.
No, when he doesn't, he kind of pulls on when he turns into a little boy.
Yeah, thankfully not nude.
Yeah.
Never nude.
Yeah.
So.
Casper the never nude.
So are we ghosts?
Am I a ghost?
How do we tell if we're ghosts?
Do you know anything about ghosts?
I know nothing about ghosts.
I'm suddenly very scared, Peg.
You're the one who mentioned ghosts in the beginning with.
Yeah, but it was about you, not about me.
Now that it's about me, it's terrifying.
Now I realize why you thought it was such a rude question.
Patches, we're going to jump right back to you.
So you're standing back at the barge.
I keep running and I just keep coming back and forth over and over again.
Like I'm panicking.
I don't know what this girl's doing, but I'm like, I'm almost there.
I'm almost there.
And I just keep running by the junk fort like repeatedly.
Scooby-Doo.
Yeah.
Just stop running.
There's nowhere to go.
Well, where did you go?
I didn't go anywhere.
I was hiding behind the house.
You're hiding?
What's behind the house?
Is there anything cool?
Well, yeah.
I mean, just my food storage.
Oh, what do you got?
I'm working on this concoction.
I don't have a name for it yet, but it's like a fruit mix.
Do you have any papaya?
Yeah, I have a papaya.
Like really, you should try all of it together.
Bridget, I could just tell you, she's like, I did not expect that question to come up tonight.
Let's roll for papaya.
Roll for papaya.
What is rolling?
No, you're not rolling for papaya.
You can have your chicken papaya.
There it is.
All right.
Well, what do you suggest we do?
Because I have to get back to my new ship.
You're the first person I've seen in like, oh God, I don't even know how long it's been.
I don't know how much time has passed.
I don't even.
Margaret, Margaret, Margaret.
I don't even know how.
Margaret, Margaret, Margaret.
Calm down.
We're going to get off this island.
All right.
So Captain Fitzclyde, he left you here, right?
Was there anything special about this island?
Why'd you come here?
No.
I mean, he said we'd always have a good time here.
Why would you always have a good time here?
I don't know.
I thought he meant it like, you know, it'll be our spot, like our little vacation.
We'll always have a good time on Tiempre Tiempre.
If only we spoke whatever language, Tiempre Tiempre.
I feel like that's insignificant.
I feel like it is significant.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Why would he bring you here?
Why would he tell you you'd always have a good time here?
Like, always?
Because how long have you been here?
Has it been, like, what, a week?
Two weeks?
How long will that asshole leave you here?
He's kind of an asshole.
He mutinies all the time.
I don't know.
It's just been, it's been, I don't, I, and she's starting to get kind of frustrated.
She's trying to think about how long it's been that she's been here.
She's like, how long has it been since you guys arrived?
I mean, I just came, like, today, just wandering the woods, found this, found our gun.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
I mean, I drink all the time.
Because the way the days work here, it's like, they just kind of, like, stretch on forever.
Like, it feels like he was here, like, just a couple days ago.
And then, I don't know, maybe I've been here, like, a year.
I don't know.
Listen, I drink a lot.
That sounds like what I go through every day.
And let me tell you, you just got to ground yourself, take a deep breath, and try not to fall over.
Okay.
I'm not drunk.
I know, but you're sounding drunk.
Okay.
We'll get out of here.
All right.
What's in the junk for it?
Do we have anything left in there that we could use to get out of here?
Like, you know?
No, this place was a dump when I found it.
There's just, like, carpeting and, like, tinkering stuff and, like, a pole and a really weird hole.
Yeah, don't look down that hole.
But let's look at the tinkering stuff.
It's on the ground.
What?
The ship?
The hole.
There's nowhere to hold.
The hole is just cut into the...
There's just dirt.
Well, yes.
I mean...
The blood is a bad place for a hole.
That served a very good purpose back in the day.
I won't get into it, but it saved my life.
Now, anyway, we got to think...
We got a game plan here.
Now, would you like a shot?
Yes.
All right.
I take a snipper for my bottle and I pass it off to her.
All right.
Now, let's game plan here.
I'm going to start running again and see if that helps.
Okay.
So, she just sits...
Go ahead.
Because it's kind of cool, you know?
Just keep running that direction.
I come back here.
It's kind of interesting.
Cool.
So, she just sits on some random furniture and watches as you just keep making laps around the junk fort.
Just...
And always in the same direction.
I think I got a little farther this time.
Sure.
And she's just drinking and drinking.
Meanwhile...
Squish, you are shaken awake by a small child.
Oh, that's never good.
Where am I?
Now...
You've got to wake up.
You can't stay here.
This place is haunted.
With ghosts?
Well...
The captain!
Come on!
Wake up!
If the captain is haunted in?
I don't know!
Wake up!
And she manages to wake you up.
This is a strange little girl that you see.
Her face is kind of slightly obscured by the hood she's wearing.
Who are you?
My name is Maggie.
Come on!
Wake up!
Maggie?
Wait, why does that sound so familiar?
Well, I met your friend earlier.
The strange one?
That's not fair.
You're authentic.
He was painting flames on a cannon.
It looks really cool.
Oh, that guy?
Yeah!
I wouldn't really call him a friend.
More of an acquaintance.
But you would call him really cool.
You're not here.
I would call it what?
Real cool.
The cannon, yeah.
I don't know what an acquaintance is.
I'm not...
I don't...
I'm not that old.
Wait, I thought you were on the ship.
Yeah, I saw you guys land and you snuck off and you went with the captain, which is like, why would you do that?
He's such a bad guy.
Wait, why is he a bad guy?
He kills people.
He takes their...
Captures their spirit and puts the servitude on his boat.
Well, I mean, I've killed people.
You're not encouraging a lot of faith or trust within me.
You're someone that woke me up.
Fair enough.
It's just...
I saw your friends go into the woods and you know what happens when they go into the woods, right?
Siempre?
No.
You're one of the most...
You don't get older.
You don't go age.
You just go crazy.
I don't speak Latin.
Fair enough.
All right, so what's your plan here?
My plan?
I wish...
You've got to save your friends.
If they spend more than a night here, they're going to be stuck here forever.
Like I was.
But I thought you were on the ship.
Yeah, I...
And she backs up a little bit.
Are you a ghost?
Very much a ghost.
Ah!
I don't like ghosts.
Get out of here.
Would it help you if you know that I'm a ghost of, like, a child?
No.
Ghosts are ghosts.
I know I should have followed the other one.
I just...
I couldn't catch up in time.
And then by the time I could sneak past the captain, you...
You were just in the forest.
All right, so how do we get out of here?
I don't...
No, I haven't figured it out myself.
I died here, so I don't really have a good idea.
But you're not filling me with much hope now.
Oh, fair enough.
All right.
Lead the way.
Oh, where's the hot springs?
Let's go to the hot springs.
There's no hot springs on this island.
Oh, that flying son of a bitch.
It's...
It's a...
I mean, do you see a volcano or, like, anything that would imply a geothermic spring?
Wait, you don't know what acquaintance is, but you know what geothermic spring is?
You're a very weird little girl.
Eclectic.
I don't know what that means.
He's gonna leave us here.
Wait, we're not in the same place, are we?
No, no, you are not.
Well, physically, yeah, kind of.
But, you know, but you're no, you can't overhear each other.
Unless you were to have a device to communicate with each other.
I was just thinking about trying that.
Well, I don't have a device to communicate to anybody.
I am...
You left it on the island.
You left it in his clothes.
But maybe you can build yourself a new one with your tinkering...
With your old tinkering shot behind you.
I could if that idea occurs to me.
But I'm looking for the hotspot.
You won't now.
So I pull out my communicator.
Just watch the hotspots and the poop chute.
Friends.
I mean, acquaintances.
Come in, friends.
Anybody.
Captain?
Anybody?
No.
Well, there goes that idea.
Can we hear him?
You can.
Really?
You have a walkie-talkie.
Yeah.
I forgot.
You didn't forget when I called you earlier on the boat.
No, I heard you through the roof.
Oh.
Who?
Was that my pants?
Did I...
Let's just say I took my jacket, my frock coat off and my walkie was in that?
Okay.
Why do you want to have left your walkie-talkie?
I don't get it.
I didn't.
I didn't mean to.
Oh.
Okay.
So you're flashbacking and making it harder for yourself.
As before you guys get on to this, you're like, oh, it's hot out here.
I don't need this.
And you rip off your coat, leaving your walkie-talkie in the pouch.
I mean, I'm running repeatedly.
I'm going to get hot and sweaty, dude.
I mean...
Oh.
Sorry.
I understand what you're saying.
So, Maggie, as you run...
Margaret says to you, Patches, as you run around the house for the fifth time,
your pants are calling you?
My pants?
I'm not wearing...
I'm wearing my pants.
Is that my frock?
Well, you're...
Yeah.
Whatever you call this.
Coat.
It's frock.
Why are you wearing a coat?
It's because it looks cool.
And it demands respect.
Now, which part of the jacket was talking?
Because I think it might...
I don't know.
It might be haunted.
Okay.
Because it could be...
It could be...
It could be a bottle I have in there.
And that's something else entirely.
Are you just...
Are you saying this as you're running?
Yeah.
I'm talking...
No, I'm sitting there.
But I am...
No, I'm standing in front of her grabbing my coat.
And, like, kind of, like, poking through it.
But I am, like, very much out of breath.
Like, yeah.
It could be.
That bottle I have in the pocket over here.
Pocket over here.
That's something I'm...
A little unexplained.
I won't go into it.
It could be also this thing.
It's called a walkie.
A walkie.
A talkie.
I don't know.
My friend made it.
Well, I think he's my friend.
I think he's very mad at me.
And I start pressing it.
Like, beep, beep, beep.
It's too bad he's nude.
Patches?
Juckles?
No.
The other one.
Oh.
Can you put Juckles on?
I was just having a very nice conversation about him.
No.
I am not with Juckles.
Get this, man.
I am currently...
You ever hear that old chestnut story about being locked in some kind of, like, loop and you can't escape it?
Oh, not this again.
Yeah, that's what I said, too.
I'm currently locked into this one.
I'm going to need some tech help on this.
Well, our only tech decided to run into the woods naked.
That does sound like our IT department.
So, we're going to need to workshop something here.
Where are you?
Are you with the captain?
Because I suspect he has something to do with this.
No.
Tell him he's a turd.
He left a poor way.
Well, I'm not with the captain.
No.
He left a poor, beautiful maiden here.
A maiden.
No.
He left a child here.
He left a child there, too?
Yeah.
Hey, guess what?
Get this.
You know how Juckles was talking about a kid on the boat?
Yeah.
I met her.
She's right here.
I thought he just made that up for attention.
He did, too.
I mean, I was willing to entertain him about it because, you know, he and I are going through a rough spot right now.
No, it's not just you and him.
I mean, you and I are always cool, right?
Yeah.
So?
I don't know.
Fist bump?
No.
All right.
Kisses?
No.
All right.
Maybe later.
All right.
We need to workshop how to get out of here.
You wouldn't guess where I'm at right now.
Guess what?
No, no.
Wait, wait.
You've got to guess where I'm at right now.
No, no, no.
You've got to guess where I'm at.
All right.
Where are you at?
I'm on the garbarge.
Really?
Yeah.
And I start, like, looking around?
Hold on.
I might be.
Where are you?
Are you behind it?
And I start, like, running behind it.
No, I'm inside.
Oh, you're inside.
I look inside.
You're not in here.
What are you talking about?
I'm in the garbarge.
I'm standing over the poop hole.
Dude, I'm looking into the garbarge right now, and you're not here.
No, I am.
Well, this is just a conundrum.
Have you tried running out of the garbarge?
I did not.
I immediately fell asleep.
I was a little drunk.
Wow.
Yes.
Oh, this little girl here says, if we stay here overnight, we're stuck here forever.
Something in Latin about TM Pro, CM Pod.
I don't know.
Yes, yes.
Always time.
We need to get out of here, then.
You know it.
I read a lot of books, young lady.
I mean.
Oh, do you know how to get out of here?
I've tried every, I've tried a lot of different ways of getting out of here.
I've tried a lot of different.
Was it just running in the same direction over and over?
I mean, I increased and decreased my speed.
I think that's just because you're tired.
That is also true.
You do sound out of breath.
Yeah, well, you know, I also don't really run very often.
Oh, unless it's too far.
Where do you think Chuckles is at?
He might.
I don't know, but I'm assuming he's also at the garbarge.
No, no.
There's only two garbarges.
There's only two?
Yeah.
There can't be more than two.
Oh, and also don't mean to get you down here, but there's no hot spring.
What?
Yeah, I guess that was a lie.
I'm starting to come around, though, because this little girl that says she has been left
here was left by the captain.
Yeah, so is this lady named, is a beautiful maiden.
Her name's Margaret.
Right, Margaret the maiden?
Hey, how you doing?
We are getting along famously.
Margaret?
She's not really talking to me.
The little girl's name is Maggie.
Well, that's a different name entirely.
I thought Maggie was short for Margaret.
No, no.
It's Margarity.
Margarita.
I'm not going to believe you on this one.
Oh, my God.
Well, what do we do?
Margaret?
Do you want to talk to this little girl named Peggy?
No, Maggie.
Maggie.
Maggie, talk to this grown-up version of you.
Richard, you got your work cut out for you right now.
Because we did this to Tiger once, and you're going to hate it.
That was completely different.
You were like, you figure this out to both characters.
I guess they were on the phone with each other.
That's right.
I'm going to do it again.
This time with some person.
Two people are the same person.
You're right.
Wow.
So, Margaret takes the walkie-talkie, and Maggie takes the other.
And Margaret's like, well, this is fucking weird.
Maggie doesn't say anything.
And Maggie doesn't say anything for a second.
And she's like, yeah, I guess it is.
So, we died here?
It's what Big Margaret says.
Big Margaret says.
We died here?
Little Maggie says, yeah.
Yeah.
Died.
Came back as a ghost, bounded to the captain.
Seems kind of unfair, considering he's the one who left us here to die.
But, hey.
We're here.
And then Maggie, or Margaret, says, did you try to warn them?
Like, on the ship?
Little girl says, yeah.
They're not very receptive, which is strange, because one of them does have ghost-talking
abilities and ghost-sensing abilities.
And seemed to do that.
Only talked to one ghost.
When he was told there was a strange ghost child.
Yeah, I talked to one ghost, and he stays in my pocket.
And he wonders why he has no friends.
I'm working on it.
How are you?
You seem mostly just to be running.
It's because you left the gif up.
Maybe if we all stood in a circle and jumped at the same time, we would break through reality
and meet up.
Dude, I was just about to say that, Margaret.
That is a fantastic idea.
Let's jump.
Okay.
Might as well jump.
Okay.
All right.
Do we have to hold hands?
Because I'm not touching this ghost.
Yes.
Yes, you have to hold the ghost hand.
If you hadn't have said anything, we wouldn't have to do this.
Is that Maggie or Margaret that said that?
That's me.
Both.
Not me.
You.
Oh.
They're beginning to talk in unison now.
All right.
I hold out my pinky so she can grab my pinky.
I hold Margaret's hand.
You know, she's not a bad thing.
Okay.
You're a fine, tall glass of water.
Let me tell you that, Margaret.
She takes another swig from the bottle you gave her.
All right.
Well, I guess on the count of three.
Yeah.
You count us down.
Wait.
Count on three?
Whichever.
All right.
Jump.
Nothing happens.
Thanks, Margaret, Maggie.
Get your hand off.
I guess we're going to be.
I guess we're going to be stuck here forever.
We're going to be here forever.
What if I jump into the poop hole?
Just into the poop hole?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
That's it, ladies and gentlemen.
We're going to land on a cliffhanger right there.
Will he survive the poop hole?
Is it another dimension?
Will he just land on his head?
We'll find out next week.
Is there poop in the poop hole?
Next week on The Junk Fort Boys.
Hail the Junk Fort Boys.
In the night they roam.
Solving wolves with fire and cruel.
With a clash and a crash and a twist of fate.
Explosions mark the hours never late.
Is that the one that showed?
No.
I was just...
That's what showed up for me.
I was just being a pill.
Really?
Yeah.
We just have to scroll down.
Oh, I got X out.
I said it again.
Hold on.
I don't know what I just said.
Hold on.
It was Tiger.
He just admitted it.
I admit nothing ever.