Hail the Jump Fork boys, in the night they roam,
Sows and wolves with fire and cruel.
With a clash and a crash and a twist of bait,
Explosions mark the hours never leave.
Alright, well, welcome back everybody.
Let me just jump right into it.
Hi, how's Gazette? Now on Mondays.
Leaving the Isle of Sampere, Sampere,
the captain offered another stop.
They came to the island of High Hill,
a titaro settlement filled with demons,
both rich and poor.
Squish worked at a restaurant
and learned the recipe to gugum pork.
Chuckles and patches sailed to Deepwater Bar,
where they met a familiar face, Tawny,
their former intern.
Using the name Harold Sack,
the two managed to pull a prank so embarrassing
that Tawny immediately lost his job.
They then offered Tommy his old job back,
which he took with minor stipulations.
The captain then suggested they crash a party
at High House home to the governor of the island
and steal their treasure
and generally be a nuisance to the rich.
He was particularly interested in the Black Harp.
However, the three were unprepared
and had no plan at all.
The three ended up being captured individually
and taken to the kitchens to be dealt with.
That's when they met Lady High Hill,
daughter of the governor.
She seems to know something about their plan
to steal the harp, friend or foe,
who knows?
When you put it all out like that,
it sounds like we were real idiots.
It seems like you rushed in there
with no planning whatsoever,
which I think was...
To the naked eye.
We followed the red captain.
We thought he knew what he was doing,
but it turned out he didn't.
Make that...
Let that be a lesson to us all.
What lesson is that?
Don't trust the red captain.
Is he a jerk?
Hashtag red captain.
Hashtag red.
Wrong one.
I don't know why your token keeps saying patches.
Hold on.
Let me fix this.
Captain patches works.
Oh, because you have to change the prototype token
in the actor.
Oh, that might be it.
You've got to put in quotation marks.
Why?
Because it's a lie?
Better not be a fucking lie.
You know what?
No.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, so you guys were taken individually
into not the kitchens,
which is where yours is now.
Do you guys see the kitchen?
Yes.
You see the kitchen?
Yeah.
Okay, perfect.
You were taken into a small,
like a butler's cabin,
uh,
butler's entrance,
butler's,
what do they call those?
Kitchens?
Basically a very small,
uh,
cabinet,
Ralph,
this,
or cupboard of,
alongside the kitchen.
Country?
Yeah,
that thing too.
And,
uh,
you're taken there individually,
you're all sitting there,
uh,
in a chair,
you know,
in different chairs,
and you have just,
uh,
met,
uh,
the lady of the house.
Let me get her picture up here.
Lady Amoria?
Not Lady Amoria.
Although,
wasn't she fun?
I don't remember.
I feel like we threw her off of the boat we were on.
You did.
Lady High Hill.
I feel like maybe we were mean to her.
You were.
Um,
so this is Lady Highwater.
She has walked into where you guys are sitting,
and she looked at the three of you and said,
so,
you're the ones that are here to steal the Black Harp.
I repeat.
Am I right?
No,
no,
no.
I'm,
I'm here as,
uh,
no,
that's not it at all.
Yeah.
You got it all wrong.
Wait.
We are part of the band.
You're part of the band?
The three of you.
And you,
I just,
I just want to make sure that's the alibi you're going to go with here,
because,
uh,
one of you was caught,
uh,
along the roof of the second floor.
One of you was caught trying to sneak into a sewer.
And I think the other one just kind of rolled in here from behind a bush.
I,
the details are a little fuzzy.
All that could be explained.
Uh,
the one on the roof saw some roofing that needed to get done.
The guy in the bush saw some gardening that got needed to get done.
And the one by the sewer had some pooping that needed to be done.
I thought we were the band.
Oh,
we're the band.
And your instruments?
Uh,
our voices.
Oh,
yes.
Acapella.
An acapella quartet when there's only three of you and I haven't heard any singing.
Yeah.
Why would we sing?
We're in prison.
Yeah.
you better pay me.
I don't sing for free lady.
I'll sing for you.
If you are the band,
you're,
you're in a little bit of trouble.
Another group that we did hire has already shown up.
And,
uh,
I think,
uh,
you're a few hours late at this point.
Uh,
we're the encore band.
Allegedly.
Okay.
Are you trying to seriously convince her that you're the band?
No,
we're not using that dumb excuse again.
I'm just asking this.
Cause if you do,
you guys are going to need to roll some sort of persuasion.
No shit.
No character.
Do you guys,
what do you guys think?
I mean,
I just was spitballing though.
Yeah.
You spitballed for all of us.
There flashback GM flashback.
You're all sitting on the boat.
We're coming up to the Island and you're like,
Hey guys,
if we get caught,
should we go back to our old favorite word with the band?
We're the band.
Um,
the whole flashback.
No,
I forgot about flashback.
We should do the flashback.
But I'm not sure when the flashback would have been.
All I know is that,
uh,
I mean,
flashback or not,
I probably would have done that anyway.
That's a valid point.
I don't believe that you guys are with the band.
I think that you guys are with that captain character over there.
Uh,
the one who offered his services to protect our,
our black harp artifact.
Yes.
They,
that's exactly it.
We do work for that captain.
He is our,
he is our,
uh,
superior officer.
And we are actually trying to,
uh,
check out your security.
I thought that guy was,
we said we were the part of the band because that's part of the,
uh,
security cover.
Oh,
I'm glad we passed that.
Uh,
so what are you done now?
Ben we've,
we've won.
We've,
uh,
we passed with flying colors.
We can get the insurance.
What do you,
what do you think?
You think,
I don't know.
I don't think she believes us.
Don't keep going with it.
Don't,
don't talk like that.
We'll have to,
uh,
yes,
yes.
The sewer system could be,
have some more grates in there and just go with it.
Come on guys.
And the roof,
I mean,
that roof has got way too many,
um,
vantage points,
you know,
for break-ins.
And you're awfully haughty.
Yeah,
exactly.
And you're really hot.
What?
That's not what I said.
She is really sexy.
I mean,
lady,
huh?
I don't know.
She's not really,
uh,
swayed or flattered by what you've just said.
Um,
but so,
and she's very distrusting of you on her end.
The situation's already pretty confusing and she doesn't buy in any to it.
And she's like,
okay,
well,
where are your credentials?
They said you'd be like,
have some sort of credentials.
You're with the insurance agency.
Black or the red captain side.
Yeah.
He'll vouch for us.
Yeah.
Hopefully captain flits.
Cloud.
Yes.
He came to the front desk or to the house and he showed us his certificate,
his,
his credentials.
I know he's been talking to my father about wanting to enhance the security around the Black
Harp.
I know it's full of shit.
And I know the three of you are here to steal that thing.
Allegedly.
We're here to protect it.
Come on.
We're here to.
Listen,
we're all working.
Why don't a bunch of pirates want to steal your harp?
I mean,
honestly,
you got better.
Actually,
why don't we take the time?
We haven't really described.
We obviously know what the captain is wearing patches.
He's wearing his coat inside out.
The famous red frock coat is not a gray frock coat.
What are the rest of you wearing?
Are you still wearing my newspaper boys hat?
Like,
yes,
like all hobos.
Oh,
you're a pirate sound.
Hobos.
You're a hobo.
I knew you were a hobo.
I'm a pirate hobo.
Look who's talking on you.
My home is the sea.
What do you think that means?
I don't know.
Your home.
Your home isn't.
You still have a home.
Well,
next.
It's all mixed.
All right.
What do you go on?
Continue.
I want to,
I think I'm wearing the,
the exact uniform I would wear at that.
Was it the gilded truffle?
Okay.
So like a white.
Yeah.
The gilded plump.
Oh,
I was close.
I think it was golden.
Something like that.
But yeah,
the chef jacket and hat.
Okay.
The hat I wasn't wearing.
It was in my pocket.
But I pulled it out.
When we got thrown in.
To the,
the jail cell.
Pantry.
All right.
And then,
uh,
chuckles.
Are you still in your,
your onion hat?
I don't know why you guys keep calling it that.
Because there's onions in it.
There isn't in yours.
And it's white like an onion.
I feel like it's rude.
But also I don't remember what the pretense was that,
uh,
I was trying to sneak in.
Um,
I don't,
I think you were just trying to sneak in.
I don't even think you had a pretense.
You swam around the island like three times or like a whole time.
And then they caught you.
And then they asked you for your ID.
And you said,
it's in my other pants.
And then they threw you into the pool house.
I do believe you took your pants off at something.
No,
wait,
that was the last session.
I was going to say,
at least he's wearing pants this time.
I tried prowling and I,
I tried prowling and I failed miserably.
Okay.
All right.
So I tried swimming,
but yeah,
I don't really,
I'm think I'm wearing what I always wear,
which is basically a quilt of transients clothes,
basically.
Okay.
So you,
you do look like a hobo.
He's a hobo pirate.
We're proud,
lad.
I look like a thrifty hobo.
Made up of other hobos.
This is a hobo thrift.
You wouldn't understand.
Yeah,
no,
it's really in right now.
Hobo core.
Hobo.
Hobo chic.
Hobo wave.
Yeah.
So that's cool.
Right.
She looks over the three of you.
She looks over the guy with a coat.
That's clearly inside out.
She looks at squish.
Who's in a white coat with his chef hats on.
And he's looking at triples as well.
Who is just like a pile of different types of clothing.
Um,
I imagine when you move,
it's kind of like pick pen from,
uh,
from peanuts.
I don't like this.
I don't like this idea that I'm dirty.
Okay.
So it's just,
and you're,
am I clean?
No.
Oh,
am I dirty?
Yes.
But please stop bringing it up.
Well,
then stop being dirty.
Exactly.
Dude.
I mean,
I didn't develop your character.
I didn't either.
I feel like I inherited all of this from a series of jokes.
All right.
Then change things.
Change your clothes.
Okay.
I'm wearing leather.
Did you clean up your room?
Yes.
That's what happened.
All right.
I got,
I got admonished by the red captain.
Uh,
he said something like,
boy,
you better clean up your room.
And so I did.
And I,
I found a new outfit.
Uh,
it's a leather vest,
uh,
with a white shirt,
a bow tie,
and a different color.
color top hat.
It's brass colored.
I'm wearing newsboy pants.
No,
scratch that.
I'm wearing bloomers.
Do adults wear bloomers?
What the heck are bloomers?
I don't know where bloomers are.
Is that a skirt?
I do.
No,
is it?
No,
they're like,
uh,
they're like old time pants.
Cause we're in the old times,
right?
I think bloomers are underwear.
No,
that's,
that's the Australian,
um,
definition.
Victorian bloomers.
Take your underground.
It's to the next level with these pretty lacy little bloomers.
Did you,
what do you typed in?
Victorian?
Like,
yeah,
that's the first thing I typed in was Victorian bloomers.
I typed in the word bloomers.
First is booming onions.
Now it's bloomers.
These are sexy.
Uh,
are they,
is it exclusively for women bloomers?
All right.
I'm thinking of something else then.
All right.
Let's scratch this.
This is a bad idea.
Why are you talking to me?
Skip me.
Let's just say I look,
uh,
better.
That's fine.
That's great.
Fantastic.
I'm glad you spent some time.
Oh,
was that one long flashback by the way?
I'm looking in the mirror,
trying new stuff on and,
uh,
I'm growing increasingly frustrated.
Talking to myself in the mirror.
But yes,
I still like,
I still like the leather,
the leather vest.
It's like a,
yeah,
I mean,
it kind of looks like my avatar,
I guess is what I was thinking.
Except,
um,
like a vest instead of this was like a jacket.
Well,
well,
so,
uh,
lady high hill continues.
She goes,
so what was your,
what was your plan once you got in here?
Were you going to try to like blend in or what's the,
what's,
what was the game plan?
Well,
the plan was not to get discovered.
Also,
we don't have a plan.
We're not,
we don't feel anything.
Still don't know what a harp is.
Yeah.
We don't even know what a harp is.
What is it?
Is it a weapon?
The black harp.
You've never heard of the black harp.
I feel like a lot of people have been trying to tell us.
It could,
it could have been someone had tried telling you what it was earlier.
No,
several,
several times in fact,
but yeah,
I wasn't paying attention.
Also,
I forgot.
It was a famous teacher of an artifact.
it's yeah.
Yeah.
It's you know,
their legend says there's once a great King who had a beautiful daughter who
loved to sing,
yada,
yada.
You've heard this all before.
Yes.
And the harp was as beautiful as your voice,
right?
Familiar.
I thought that they made drums to,
for that.
Oh,
some versions said they say made drums.
Some versions said they made flutes,
but they made a,
that's like the originals,
the black harp.
So they,
you know,
a harp that was so beautiful.
The most beautiful harp that anyone's ever seen.
It was hand carved or Nate.
It was just beautiful.
And the minute that you struck one of the strings,
it just rang out in the most pure,
beautiful note ever was made.
And it's worth a lot of money.
You say it is worth a lot of money.
Probably because it's haunted.
Well,
that's news to me.
Oh,
yeah.
That's like,
that's like the second half of the story,
right?
So they,
they make this beautiful harp and then the King,
he plays and he goes,
Oh,
what a beautiful harp.
He says,
the neck,
the bow so sweetly.
Um,
and the craftsman said it was made from a,
from the lute.
Uh,
and the strings are so soft.
And they said,
Oh,
it was made from the drum.
And they said,
the body of this harbett glitters in gold.
And they said,
it was made from the horn.
And the voice is so fine.
The King says,
plucking away at the strings.
And they say,
Oh,
it was made from your daughter.
Oh,
like bones.
All these instruments are made of the daughter.
Well,
you know,
it's a story.
It's not real.
Well,
does it look like a daughter?
Does it look like a harp?
The front of it is,
you know how like a ship is carved into like the face of a beautiful woman.
This harp,
which is an instrument.
It's a stringed instrument is,
uh,
front of it is carved.
Yeah.
No,
not at all.
Like a ukulele.
Although I suppose they probably play similarly.
Okay.
So can we have it?
Uh,
no,
you absolutely cannot have it.
Um,
I don't even think the captain should have it.
He is clearly up to something.
He just wrote my dad and said,
Hey,
my father.
And he said,
Hey,
uh,
we'd love to improve your security around this,
this harp.
And he signed it that he was from the,
some insurance agency.
And my dad is an idiot.
And he bought into it.
That's a real terrible plan.
How about we stop him?
What will you give us?
If we kill him,
we give us the heart.
You know who?
My father.
Well,
if,
would you pay us for that?
No.
Uh,
then no.
Uh,
no,
not,
that's your father.
Of course not.
The other guy,
the red captain.
You're going to kill him.
You want him dead?
No,
I just want him to go,
leave.
And I want the heart not to be stolen.
But one of you is going to,
I think,
try to do it.
Why?
Yeah,
I feel like,
because you were speaking around.
I was just swimming.
I think.
I was just trying to look at the kitchen and see what was going on.
I was probably.
Good whole innocent probably.
I think I'm just going to leave you guys in here and call,
call the village guard and have them take care of you.
What?
Yeah.
No.
Go ahead.
Oh,
wait,
hold on.
I'll kill them too.
Relax.
Juckles,
relax.
Get the red captain in here.
He'll vouch for us.
The red captain that I believe is trying to steal this is going to
vouch for you,
who I also believe is going to steal this.
When is he going to vouch that you aren't going to steal it?
Then arrest him.
Your father.
bring us your dad.
He sounds really stupid.
He'll believe us.
She disappears.
Uh-oh.
For a moment.
Uh,
when she comes back,
she comes back with this very short,
uh,
compared to her,
she's a relatively tall,
individual woman,
uh,
a shorter demon.
Oh,
well,
hello,
sir.
I love your hat.
Well,
I love your hat.
Thank you.
It's leather.
Leather?
Out of animal skin?
Yeah.
Actually.
Guess what this is made out of?
Human?
Leather!
From a human?
Well,
yeah.
Oh,
cool.
That's,
I don't think I like it anymore.
Do you want to trade?
Yes.
Yes,
we do.
No.
He hands,
he,
it's a,
it's a costume party.
I,
you have all such wonderful costumes.
I see we have a pirate and,
and a chef and,
and a leather vagabond.
Yarr.
this isn't a,
this is who I am.
Yarr.
Leather vagabond.
I was trying this on.
I thought this was going to be my new look,
but.
You're a leather vagabond.
Just own it.
Well,
you look wonderful.
Are you,
are you all here to attend the party?
Or a lovely costume party?
We're here,
we're here to work.
Your costume party.
You must be from the H&M,
uh,
insurance house.
The brokerage house.
Yeah.
You met,
you met our boss.
Yes,
absolutely.
Clyde.
Fitz Clyde.
Yeah.
You know,
your daughter was being real uppity earlier.
She's trying to arrest us.
You may have noticed.
Oh,
I'm sure.
She's just,
she's got so much on her head,
so much on her plate.
You know how ladies are with their parties.
Yeah.
Well,
actually it's my party,
but I told her to plan it.
It's going well.
Oh,
so are you wearing a costume?
Well,
yes,
of course.
I'm going as a rich aristocrat.
Oh,
so you're not a rich aristocrat?
You're not rich?
No,
but I'm going as one too.
Huh.
I'm very confused
by your
choice of
costume.
You,
um,
as you're talking to,
uh,
Governor High Hill,
you may have,
or hopefully have noticed that.
Yeah,
this is Governor High Hill.
Uh,
he's not quite a hundred percent here or there.
He's not like completely out of it where he's like,
doesn't know where he is,
but,
uh,
his,
he's a little dumb.
That works in our favor.
And you can tell this by the way,
that lady High Hill,
his daughter is just glaring at him.
She is just fuming.
If she,
she's already red,
but if she could get redder,
she would.
So what,
what do you say?
Grandpa,
you know,
is out of here?
Well,
I don't see any reason why you have to be in here,
except,
well,
my daughter says that you guys are up to something.
No,
we're good friends with your daughter.
I have to trust her.
I'm going to have all of you roll.
Uh,
cause I get the sense you're trying to persuade him.
You're going to,
everyone's going to roll their sway.
And then depending on how that goes,
we'll go from there.
Do you know how it's going to go,
Bridget?
Not well.
Hell yeah.
Oh,
wait,
no.
Oh,
no.
We all failed.
That's not like us.
Usually we roll pretty good.
Wait,
where's,
uh,
where's booze roll?
It's up there.
You got a two.
Patches.
Patches got a two.
Oh,
for some reason,
it didn't show up.
I got a one,
two,
three,
and you got a three.
Yeah.
You did.
You all failed that one.
Uh,
she looks at the three of you and she goes,
I don't believe for a second that you guys are here to protect anything that we're doing.
You don't have to.
Your father does.
Ooh.
So we just have to persuade him.
That's true.
I like that.
Uh,
all right,
let's see.
Is it?
Uh,
I'm going to let,
I'm going to let Andy roll.
Uh,
sorry.
I'm going to let,
uh,
squish roll again.
I'm going to give you a boost for that.
Cause you are playing to his ego.
And I like that.
Come on.
Um,
partial success.
Uh,
the,
the governor just is like,
gives us a little like,
excellent.
What,
what vivacious young men that you are.
I can't wait to have you at our party.
And I expect nothing will go unglad.
And he gives you a little wink,
wink.
Um,
the house is free to do yours with as you wish,
but I do insist just,
just for my own peace of mind.
Uh,
my daughter will accompany you as you,
uh,
perform your duties as you see fit,
just to make sure you don't scuff up the walls or break any furniture or,
you know,
disturb the party too much.
We,
we want to have a good time,
but not too good of a time.
If you understand what I'm saying,
um,
she will come with you.
And then I think,
I think that's it.
You boys enjoy the party.
I'll come back with me to me with your full report.
And I can't wait to hear it.
And he,
uh,
scuttles,
uh,
away.
So,
uh,
yeah.
So lady high hill is going to join you guys on whatever you choose to do next.
Right.
She likes us a lot.
I think.
I know.
Yeah.
Awesome.
It sounds like a romantic comedy.
She's pretty soon.
She's gonna be marrying all three of us,
which reminds me squish.
Yes.
It's me.
Juggles.
Okay.
I can see you.
What if,
what if you just murder her?
She's so hot though.
I'd rather just make her my wife.
Guys,
guys,
hold on.
Hold on.
Why can't you just murder her?
Guys,
hold on.
I'm scared.
Guys,
I got one thing to say.
Dibs.
I'm murdering her?
Patches.
She will literally eat you.
Yeah,
I'm into that.
What?
Wait,
what did I say?
You're into her eating you?
Um.
Don't look at me like that,
Bridget.
Just want to hear what you want to say.
All right,
what's the plan?
Squish is going to murder her.
murder.
For what?
You should murder her.
Because it would make our lives slightly more convenient.
We're in a party in our own house.
If we murder her,
that sounds like a really bad idea.
Her dad sounds like a psycho.
Sounds like a board game.
Her dad sounds like that.
A board game.
So,
here is the first floor of the house.
All right.
Let me just get you guys in here.
Sorry about this.
Right.
So,
I'm going to move this guard.
So,
I'm going to move this guard.
If you can kind of see.
You guys are back here.
This is where you tried to,
I'm sorry,
you're back here.
This is where you tried to sneak in from the kitchens.
So,
in the upper left-hand corner of the screen,
this is the kitchen.
Through the kitchen down here,
there's this large hallway in the center with the big circle in it.
This is the ballroom.
And then over here are different,
like,
private parts of the house.
This is relatively blocked off.
I mean,
not saying you can't go in here,
but this is things like studies,
storerooms,
offices,
that sort of thing.
There is a staircase at the center of the room here where the,
this big circle thing is.
Is it a spiral staircase?
It is a spiral staircase.
And then just.
No.
Does it have nuts we can punch?
The staircase?
Why is everyone attacking me today?
Why is everybody picking on me?
And then there is an upstairs as well.
So,
we can get up there eventually.
But,
but Lady Highwater walks out of the kitchen,
of the pantry,
into the kitchen.
We can go there very quickly.
Oh,
you're there,
I guess.
This is where you guys were.
It's a full kitchen.
Lots of people bustling in and out.
There are servants.
There are cooks.
There are butlers.
Everyone is just,
it's a hub of activity because this is a party.
So,
there's lots of food and entrees going out.
There are a lot of drinks going out.
It's a real hubbub of activity.
Lady Highwater walks out and she goes,
so,
where will you examine first?
Well,
if our job is to protect
the barf barf,
then we should go see
where the room that it's in.
All right.
If you'll follow me,
she leads you
through
these kitchens.
Do,
do,
do.
It's a nice kitchen you have here.
It is very nice.
Are you hiring?
Are we hiring?
No,
I don't believe so.
I mean,
we hired a bunch of staff
for the party this evening.
There's a lot of strange
people here,
people who could just
slip in
unnoticed.
But,
right,
of course.
don't you work for an insurance company?
Isn't that what we're doing now?
you work for the insurance company.
Yeah.
And squish,
presumably.
Yeah.
But have you ever had
goo gum pork?
I've never had goo gum pork.
That sounds like something
poor people eat.
No,
no,
not the way that I make it.
I make it real fancy.
fancy.
But not for you anymore.
Yep.
So,
up the spiral staircase,
at the very top,
there's this,
like,
tower area
that allows you to kind of
look down
into the party below.
From there,
there's a hallway
out here.
Oh,
here,
out here.
There are private bedrooms
over here
and then another
staircase
up here.
she goes out
of this hallway
where you guys,
again,
you can look down below
at the party below you
and she points
to the other stairway
and she goes,
our vault is up here.
it's currently under
locked guard.
There's a lock,
there's a guard
at the bottom
of the stairs
and then there are guards
within the room
upstairs.
No,
I don't have the key.
I won't be showing you
where it is.
Well,
this,
this looks pretty good.
Mike,
yeah,
you did a good job
locking this up.
I'd say our,
our job is done.
I'm sorry,
where'd you say the key
was again?
I don't have the key.
I didn't say where.
Almost got you.
Yeah,
but where is it?
It's with my father.
It's his house.
It's his artifact.
it's his key.
I've insisted that he puts it
in a lock box in his bedroom
or,
you know,
gives it to one of our
most trusted staff.
But what he's done with it,
I'm not sure.
Knowing him,
it's probably on a necklace
around his neck.
That's smart.
That's good security.
I actually agree with your father.
I'd like to give him a hug.
I'd like to pick him up
and shake him around.
You want to talk
to my father again?
Is that what you're saying?
I,
no,
I just,
I was speaking figuratively.
Oh.
You know,
like he's a real cutie guy.
You just really want to
tussle his hair.
I would like to
throttle him sometimes.
He's,
I know you are all
playing him
and I,
I'm glad you're getting
a real big laugh
out of it,
but he really does
need like long-term care
and better solutions
than I can provide for him
and he's too stubborn
about it.
He thinks he can run
this place,
but he can barely
tie his shoes most days.
I don't think he has
to wear shoes though,
so that crisis
is a verdict.
because he's a goblin?
Because he's a goblin?
Goblins,
sir.
We're,
we're from the finest
families of
teacher-os.
I'm sorry.
You guys just
look like goblins.
I mean,
not you.
You're,
is offensive.
Well,
uh,
yeah,
but he's,
he's three feet tall
and green.
I mean,
she's red,
smoking hot,
but dad,
she might want to get
a paternity test.
I'm very much
my father's daughter.
I don't question
my paternity
or my mother's honor
in the slightest.
What is wrong with you?
Uh,
I just
said what I was thinking.
I'm sorry.
I get like that sometimes.
At the base of the stairs,
uh,
top of the stairs,
you see there are
two large portraits.
Uh,
this is clearly
Mr.
and Mrs.
High Hill,
her parents.
And yes,
as you can tell,
uh,
mom looks just like her,
you know,
smoking hot red demon.
And the dad is indeed
a slightly younger,
but still short green
demon,
potentially goblin.
Well,
goblin,
man.
Goblins.
I didn't know
that was offensive.
why would it not
be offensive?
I don't know.
You're,
you're a demon.
No,
I can't tell you.
I can't tell you guys.
We gotta talk about this later.
Wow.
What?
No good?
No,
it keeps getting worse.
You said he didn't need shoes.
Cause he's rich.
And it says,
oh,
I thought you,
I thought,
uh,
there was something else
going on.
I'm a dirt.
While I'm arguing with,
with juggles about this,
I get closer to,
to the duchess,
uh,
or whatever.
Governess.
High hill.
Oh,
she wouldn't be the governess.
Wouldn't the wife be the governess?
Oh,
I don't know how that works.
She's,
she's lady high hill.
Uh,
her father is governor high hill.
Uh,
he's mom is dead.
So there is no,
uh,
lady.
I'm sorry.
I said that thing about your mom cheating on your dad.
I didn't know she was dead.
Just shut up.
Out of character.
Do you want me to take that shovel from you?
It seems like you've dug yourself a pretty good hole there.
I'm trying.
I'm trying to get back in her good graces.
I've just,
I said,
I'm sorry.
If I knew she was dead,
I wouldn't have questioned your paternity.
I wouldn't have called your mom.
I,
I'm not surprised.
she wasn't able to resist your father's charge.
I'm not surprised.
She's dead.
He's very much trying to keep her cool.
Um,
she's pretty angry.
She was,
is there anywhere else in the house you need to see?
Yes.
In fact,
yes.
In fact,
your father's bedroom,
his bedroom.
Yes.
very well.
If he's got the key on a chain,
he's got to go to sleep sometime.
That's the perfect place for burgers to strike.
All right.
Uh,
she leads you down the hallway here.
And we're just going to say this first room with,
uh,
the three beds in it is his.
Uh,
so she opens the door,
uh,
to this very grand bedroom,
you know,
huge,
huge four poster bed,
lots of space,
uh,
lots of,
uh,
big desks and things.
Uh,
but everything in the room is really tiny.
So there's like a tiny pair of shoes and like a tiny,
like spectacles on a thing.
It looks like a small,
like a little goblin person does in fact live here,
but a very neat one,
but everything is like,
like hilariously small in comparison,
his like little clothes and his hats.
He's got like a little book and a little pen,
little toilet.
Yeah.
His bathrooms.
He's got an ensuite.
He's got a tiny toilet.
I would like to study around or survey.
Okay.
Well,
yeah.
So I'd like to survey,
see if I see any like weaknesses in the room where someone,
someone can come in and,
and steal something.
I'm,
uh,
checking out the bed.
Oh,
wait.
Oh,
sorry.
I'm finding that I fit pretty well in the,
on the toilet.
Go ahead.
So,
yeah,
I just want to look in like the bedside drawer or like,
look at the windows,
see if they're lashed securely.
see if there's like,
maybe he accidentally today due to dementia or whatever.
Hey,
you know,
older goblins get,
maybe forgot the key in the bedside table.
He's not a goblin.
We've,
how I'm saying that.
I'm saying that out loud.
Okay.
Just make sure you don't.
Why are you actually offended?
I really,
I really got admonished.
Like,
because I've grown as a person.
I've realized that goblin is not a nice word.
In three minutes?
Yes.
You guys really,
really yelled at me.
You deserved it.
So you look around the room.
And so some good things.
The window is like,
has just a standard latch on it.
There's no other really.
Like more secure provisions.
Okay.
May there's no bars on the door or anything like that.
This is a lock.
You very clearly could get into if you,
if you had to,
you don't see the key anywhere,
but you do see that his safe,
the lock box that he has under his bed is a little bit cracked open.
Can I open it?
Yeah,
you can.
It's already open.
Like someone forgot to shut the door.
Oh,
okay.
I open it.
It's empty.
Check for a false bottom.
I dock on the bottom.
Secret knock.
The secret knock on the bottom.
See if it pops open.
No,
nothing pops open.
Like this is,
there are some things in the lock box.
So it's not like it's been cleared out,
but like,
there's like pictures of like him and his wife and his kid.
There's like little like drawings that his daughter has done over time.
Like very sentimental items,
but there's nothing in there of any great value.
Okay.
All right.
Let me pull my team aside here and talk to them.
Yar.
Hey.
Yar.
Hey,
guys,
this is squish.
Yeah.
Hey,
Chuckles,
do you think you can take or something to keep the door closed?
To keep it closed?
Like if we leave and we close the door,
can you rig something up?
So it can't be open from the inside.
You mean like a lock?
Yes,
but a lock can be open from the inside.
Oh,
you want to lock them out.
Yeah.
I want to lock her in.
Why don't we just jam a chair in the door?
Or a wedge.
Great.
Yes.
Tinker it.
Can you take us a wedge?
That is up to you.
And when do you want it to blow up?
Preferably after we left.
Well,
preferably not at all.
But if it has to,
which I completely understand,
after we leave.
Can you really make an exploding door wedge?
I can make anything explode.
That might be the coolest thing you've never done.
You want me to punch your nuts too?
All right.
So,
oh,
I see.
We're going to try and try to,
trapper in here.
Yes.
Okay.
Oh my God.
It's been a long day.
I was just out swimming and I got captured.
I'm not even going to dignify that.
All right.
Yeah,
I can,
I can try something.
Okay.
All right,
cool.
But then we all have to sneak out.
Wait,
what if,
what,
hey,
wait a second.
I got a better idea.
How about you guys,
you know,
sneak out and leave me locked in here with her?
No,
because then we can't tinker the door closed.
You guys are useless.
What do you want to do?
I just want 30 or 40 seconds along with her.
Yeah,
that's all you'll need.
What are you going to do?
This is going to get dark soon.
What do you want to do?
No,
it's not like that.
It's about love.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just daydreaming.
Okay.
You just called her father a goblin.
Yeah.
But I think.
Told her to get a paternity test from her dead mother.
You really think?
You really think she's going to,
she's fallen in love with you?
But he put it all together.
Yeah,
I think she's into him.
Yeah,
see?
High Hill who is just glaring at you.
Just like arms crossed.
I wink at her.
I'm so glad you winked at her.
All right.
Okay.
Wait,
so how are we going to.
I mean,
I get what we're doing with the tinkering,
but at some point we're going to have to like rush out and like hold the door
closed or something.
She's like really watching us really close.
Right.
We're going to be really fast.
Yeah.
So.
Or should we push her down?
I'll get behind her and you push.
No,
no,
I don't think that's a good idea at all.
I think we should all go.
And I say it loudly enough for her to hear.
We have to check out that window a little bit closer.
That's a great idea.
To make sure that it is actually really secure.
And you stay up here and yell down at us.
And we'll ask you questions from down there.
Like,
can you see us?
What do you mean from down there?
No,
she should stay up here.
And we'll go down there.
It's one room.
No,
downstairs,
outside.
We're on the second floor.
So we can go down and inspect the window from the floor and she can look down and see,
you know,
how far it is or something.
Yeah.
So,
hey,
lady,
high hill,
lady,
bathwater.
we are going to go downstairs,
check,
yell up,
see,
see if there's any way we can get in through this window.
You stay here
and
tell us if you can hear us.
Stephen has to stay up here with me because I refuse to let all of three of you just leave the house without me seeing.
Okay.
All right.
You should be the insurance person.
You can have the gray cap.
Which one do you want?
Which one needs to stay up here?
The sexiest one.
You know what?
Which one do you want?
I don't want any of them.
Okay.
Give him the gray captain.
Don't give her a choice.
I'm trying to secretly figure out which one she likes the most.
I don't know.
Well,
it's me.
And if you let her say that,
then we're not going to be able to do our dastardly plan.
So don't let her choose.
I still think we should let her choose.
Okay.
All right.
Well,
it's a tiebreaker.
Yeah.
Which,
and then we all like look at her and try to make like impressive faces.
Choose who likes the best.
I suck in my gut and hold up my arms a little bit.
Which one do you choose to stay up here with you?
Three.
That's me.
All right.
You'll stay up here.
Nice.
No,
this is not what we wanted.
I told you this would happen.
I'm sorry.
This is fake.
I did not think that that would happen.
It's,
it's love,
buddy.
You know what's great?
I didn't even pick.
You just volunteered yourself.
Great.
He just assumes three with you.
Three.
Three means chuckles.
It rhymes.
Yeah,
that's how tall he is.
Three for D.
This spirited one can stay up here and the two of you can do what you need to downstairs.
All right.
Good.
Where's your bathroom?
There's a tiny little goblin man toilet.
I'm sorry.
I mean,
elderly demon man.
I don't want to use that toilet.
It makes me feel weird.
There's another bathroom down the hall,
but you guys are going downstairs.
There'll be bathrooms on the main floor.
That was the main floor.
All right.
Let's go.
All right.
Me and Junko,
or not Junko's,
Cap Patches.
Close the door.
I'll try to tinker the lock broken.
Just shove a piece of wood underneath the door.
I'll keep them in there.
I don't think that's true.
Demons have a lot of strength.
They can beat door wedges?
Yes.
Okay.
Have you seen me do it?
No.
Oh,
right.
You aren't there.
for that.
I don't care.
I do need to use the bathroom.
Can we take a quick break?
Let's take a quick break.
Okay.
So,
Chuckles,
you're in the room with Lady High Water,
or High Hell,
Patches,
Squish.
You are just outside the door.
You have just shut the door.
What are you guys doing now?
I'm going to tinker that lock.
I'm going to tinker the lock to break it.
I'm going to play a lookout.
So,
you're
breaking the lock
to,
and Chuckles will be locked inside.
Is that
correct?
Yes.
Or you,
okay.
Yes.
He can fit out the window.
I assume it's a small window,
too.
Yes,
Goblin's.
It's an average.
Goblin's.
Well,
everything else in the room,
the furniture is all normal size,
but so is the window as well.
So,
no,
he,
they both can get out the window,
conceivably.
Okay.
But yeah,
go ahead and tinker that lock.
All right.
Partial success.
You tinker the lock.
Let me,
what do you do to it?
I just take a piece of
gum or
rutabaga that I have in my pocket
and I just shove it in there
really hard.
Is there anything you can't do?
It could be broke,
like it could be fixed very easily,
but it's going to take a little while
for them to notice that it's actually
been messed with.
Does it make much of a noise?
No,
not at all.
Okay.
So you,
you're not like breaking the lock to like,
you know,
like the handle's gone now.
No,
I'm just,
just jamming it.
Okay.
Captain,
so you're able to do that successfully.
you do not draw,
uh,
Lee high waters or high health attention.
God damn.
Um,
but captain,
you do see that there are two guards down here
making patrols.
And one of them is slowly,
uh,
walking towards you.
Squish,
squish.
Guard,
guard,
guard.
So take care of that.
What do you want me to do?
Get rid of that.
Murder.
No,
don't murder them.
Deceive them.
Yeah.
How,
how,
how close are they again,
Bridget?
No,
one of the,
you know,
there's two of them because you can hear them kind of like talking a
little bit.
Uh,
but one is just starting to come down this corridor.
He's taking his time.
It's not like he sees you and he's rushing,
uh,
but he is going to probably within the next few minutes,
uh,
be able to see you and squish outside of the governor's room.
Can I use,
uh,
can I use Neelix invisibly and like half of make a noise?
Yeah.
Yeah,
you can do that.
Um,
that's going to be your,
let's see.
You can.
Should have them,
you should have them,
um,
dress up as a female guard and try to woo him.
The old bugs buddy routine can't work.
How many times have we tried that already?
At least once.
Uh,
so you can.
A cross-dressing butler?
A cross-dressing.
Actually,
no,
I think that's what I want to do.
Have them dress up and make a noise.
Like,
I want you to distract these guards and make them go down the noise.
Okay.
Uh,
go ahead and throw your,
roll your command.
Command.
Any,
uh,
any modifiers?
No,
this is Neelix.
Uh,
you guys are,
you're pretty used to this routine at this point.
Hold on.
Uh,
so what is your command to,
to Neelix?
He,
he appears out of his bottle.
Yes,
sir.
Uh,
so there's a party going downstairs,
right,
Bridget?
Yes.
So I want you to dress like,
I want you to look like a,
uh,
a sexy patron of that party and lure the guards away the opposite direction.
They'll think you're just lost looking for the bathroom.
And as soon as they come up to you,
I want you to turn on a corner and just vanish.
Uh,
uh,
sexy young lady,
sir.
Yeah.
You know,
just,
you know,
don't have to go sell over to,
don't have to sell it too hard.
Just,
you know,
a nice wig and maybe,
you know,
sleek dress.
Uh,
Neelix disappears.
And when he comes back,
it's very much clear that this is a man in a wig and a very like old fashioned dress.
Like imagine a man in like a Marie Antoinette get up with a very large wig and like the fake little beauty mark and this voluptuous dress.
Um,
but it's just Neelix.
Like you can tell he's still wearing his like butler clothes underneath the dress.
I feel like if this is something that he could have always done,
that perhaps patches would have taken advantage of it earlier.
He's very much,
uh,
outdated.
And he goes,
I'll try my best,
sir.
And he floats away.
And you hear down the hallway,
you hear Neelix go,
a teehee boys.
And the guards start running,
uh,
and they do run,
uh,
you hear them.
They run in the opposite direction,
uh,
from where you guys are sitting.
So they're going to check out Neelix in the other corner of this room,
of this hallway.
All right,
quick down the stairs.
Scarebird.
We got to find.
The governor.
Uh,
so Captain Squish,
you guys are going to start,
you're going to run and head downstairs.
Uh,
but Chuckles,
you're still in the room with Lady High,
High Hill.
Uh,
and she's just glaring.
If she is as far away physically from you in the room as possible.
So she's like standing in the corner and just like staring you down.
This is a very tall,
relatively,
uh,
intimidating,
kicking woman.
Yeah.
Let me take it.
But sexy.
Uh,
I'm going to jump on the bed.
Um,
you'd like sitting on it with my legs dangling and just,
uh,
just sort of kicking my legs.
Like,
Oh,
so come here often.
To my father's bed chambers,
uh,
less than you may think,
or more than you may think.
I don't know what appropriate answers to that question is.
You're right.
That was really weird of me.
So,
um,
how long do you think it will take them to get downstairs?
Well,
it didn't seem like they're a big rush.
No,
no.
And they're dumb as hell.
Uh,
it's probably going to take them a while.
They're going to get distracted for sure.
By something very meaningless.
I know it.
Wow.
But maybe they won't.
And,
you know,
but don't worry.
You and I have plenty of time here.
That's what I'm concerned about.
Wow.
Do you pass the bed next to you too?
I'm about to.
That's my,
how'd you know my move?
About,
you just,
you know,
take,
take a load off.
Uh,
I prefer standing.
Thank you.
In those shoes?
Yes.
In these shoes.
We don't go barefoot around here.
I wasn't looking at your feet.
I just assumed you were wearing shoes.
You.
Yeah,
she is.
She's wearing,
uh,
like high heels.
Yeah.
Why don't you take a load off?
Then I pat on the bed.
I'm going to say,
unless you're going to try to persuade her.
She's not persuaded.
Um,
no,
I,
I'm just going to save myself the embarrassment.
Uh,
she does go to the window though and opens it up.
Uh,
it's one of those that she just kind of pushes open from the bottom to the top.
Um,
and there is,
uh,
can like look over the edge.
There's no screen or anything.
And she's kind of like looking out,
trying to see if she can see captain or squish,
uh,
or patches and squish.
Can I sneak up behind her?
Yeah.
If you want to sneak,
you can sneak,
roll a sneak.
Isn't that,
is it prowlers or different sneak?
Nope.
That's prowl.
Night prowler.
You successfully sneak behind her.
Oh no.
I am considering pushing her out the window.
What's wrong with you?
You're a monster.
It would make all of our problems go away.
This is not GTA three.
Actually,
I'm kind of behind it.
I don't.
Yeah.
I'm sudden.
Surprise,
surprise.
I need some time.
My character to,
uh,
stew in this terrible thought.
Oh,
I thought you were about to say.
You think about what you're about to do.
Um,
meanwhile,
um,
you guys have made it back down to the stairs.
Um,
where would you like to go?
There are guards down here too.
Uh,
they're a little less obvious than the guards that were upstairs.
They're kind of look like they're like servants or something.
They,
they very clearly like are skate or like casing the joint or casing the joint,
like scanning the room,
keeping an eye on things,
but they're not sort of heavily armed guards that you saw upstairs.
No,
I would like to find the,
the governor.
Okay.
And ask him for the key,
basically.
Oh my God.
It's a party.
Where's the little green goblin?
Unhinged.
Hold on.
It's not loading for me,
which is weird.
We can't see it.
You guys see it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well then that's fine.
I don't want to leave it then.
Um,
let's get him out here.
Hey,
Mr.
Goblin man,
give me your key.
So you walk into this ballroom and there's just a hub of activity,
a hive of action.
There are people,
couples dancing.
There are people gathering together and like laughing and talking their seats,
their tables.
There are just,
there's musicians in the corner.
It's just a ton of activity going on.
Um,
you can see,
uh,
relatively easily.
The,
uh,
governor,
he is sitting at the very end of the room on a table on a diet.
So he's like a little bit elevated.
You can see him.
Um,
actually you can just see about the top of his head.
Cause the table kind of goes up to his chest.
Um,
you also see in this room,
he is talking very,
uh,
closely with captain Fitz Klein.
In fact,
the captain's like over him talking to him.
Um,
and they're in some sort of deep conversation.
Well,
I'm going to interrupt.
You're just going to march on up there and interrupt.
Yeah.
Awesome.
Yeah.
You're going to be like,
governor,
pardon my interruption,
boss.
Oh,
oh,
Fitz Klein.
These were the boys I was telling you about.
We found them prowling about in our,
in our sewage system.
I think I say,
maybe not the best disguises,
but,
oh,
they're just a handsome pair of trio of folks.
I was not in the sewage system.
Oh,
that's right.
You were pretending to be a chef of some sort,
right?
snuck into the kitchen.
I mean,
not really pretending,
but yeah,
sure.
Let's go with that.
There's only two of you here.
I say,
where is,
uh,
where's the little guy?
Bathroom.
is that,
did you say bathroom?
Yeah.
Well,
diarrhea.
If he needs a,
if he needs a special,
a special,
uh,
you know,
a special commode for his little legs.
I've got a special commode myself upstairs,
just for,
just for us wee folk.
Uh,
but of course,
you're all acquainted.
You,
you,
you work for him,
correct?
You work for H&M?
Yeah,
yeah,
exactly.
That's boss man right there.
Boss man.
And he kind of hits cap,
the captain,
like on his like chest,
just kind of flips a hand.
And he laughs.
Uh,
the captain smiles.
He is as pleasant as always.
Um,
he's giving you no signs that he doesn't like this guy or that there's any problems wrong.
Uh,
he kind of laughs too.
And he claps the,
the governor on the,
uh,
shoulder.
And he says,
ah,
I told you these,
but these are my best boys.
They know exactly what they're doing.
Right.
We do.
Yes,
sir.
Boss.
Yeah.
Hey,
governor.
Yes.
I was wondering,
we checked out the outside of the,
the safe and it all looks really good,
but we need to get inside.
Inside the vault.
Yes.
Well,
I,
I suppose that would make sense,
but well,
I can't just let anyone inside the vault.
The vault can only be opened,
uh,
with the express permission of the governor or my daughter.
She,
you know,
real mad queen on most of these matters.
She's the one that sent,
sent me here to get the key.
She's upstairs.
Wait,
I didn't want to make her walk in the high heels.
I told her those things are completely unfashionable.
In fact,
in my own home,
I don't even wear shoes.
Uh,
and you see that he's got just little green goblin feet kicking off the side of the table.
Oh,
cute.
He's not a goblin.
Exactly.
This is your house.
You don't need to wear shoes,
but.
I don't think I'm comfortable.
You quite understand me.
He says to the captain.
Don't think I'm quite comfortable just giving,
uh,
my key to my family's precious heirlooms to just the men I just met.
Uh,
no offense.
I trust you all,
but that's just,
I feel like that's,
if they can't get the key,
then it's not really a problem.
Right.
I mean,
we have to go in there.
We have to go in there and see if maybe like there's easy accessibility to a tunnel of some sort.
Well,
I mean,
if there was,
you wouldn't need the key,
would you?
Well,
no,
but that's why I need to get in there is to check for those kinds of things.
I just,
uh,
just talk to our boss.
Fitz Clyde,
you explain.
Uh,
Fitz Clyde's kind of got a look at the two of you.
Like,
uh,
may I have a word with,
with my two charming companions here?
Uh,
one second.
Uh,
and he pulls you guys over and he's like,
I don't think convincing him to take,
to steal his key is going to be ideal.
Also,
where's chuckles.
Don't worry about chuckles.
He's got massive diarrhea.
Well,
be that as it may,
uh,
I'm playing kind of a long con game here.
I know you guys just got here.
Where,
where were you?
Did you not just follow me in?
No,
you didn't give us invites.
Oh,
well,
I figured if you just walked in behind me,
we all could have just gone in together.
Yeah,
I think we tried that.
It didn't work.
Oh,
I'm sorry about that boys.
well,
you guys made yourself,
made your way in here anyway.
And I'm proud of you for that.
That showed real ingenuity.
What did you do?
Did you sneak in through the sewers?
Sure.
Oh,
explains the smell.
No,
that's just us.
Um,
all right.
Well,
is there like,
we need that key.
I agree,
but straight up,
just,
it's a subtle game we're playing here.
Um,
you know,
uh,
a real cat and mouse,
a real tit and tat sort of thing.
It took me a long time for them to even accept my,
my personal,
you know,
self invitation to this party.
I wrote a lot of letters.
Have you considered pushing him out the window?
You're not here.
Oh,
that's right.
I think I can convince this guy to give us the key.
Okay.
You know what?
I don't want to tell you,
no,
let's see you do it.
All right.
I know governor,
you don't want to give us the key,
but it really is imperative that we have it.
So we can get inside to look for crevices or holes that a thief.
Thieves are tricky.
They can get in.
So we really need to look for those.
Let's roll and see how you do.
All right.
I'm going to take a strain.
Okay.
To push yourself.
Yeah.
All right.
I succeeded.
He is hesitant at first and he kind of just clutches at the key.
But the captain kind of just like gives him a real good,
like nod,
like you could trust them.
I promise.
And so the captain,
the governor takes the key off of his head and he hands it to you.
And he goes,
now there are armed guards up there.
I want you to know this and no feeling.
Fooling.
If you start acting up in there,
they will shoot to kill you.
I've given them express permission.
Yeah.
No,
we're not going to act up in there.
Well,
you better not.
We're not going to.
I promise you,
sir.
By the way,
can I have your hat?
I'll trade you.
Oh,
transies.
Sure.
And he takes off his hat.
Do you have a hat?
I put on my chef hat that I had in my pocket.
You traded your chef hat?
Yeah.
I can get another one of those,
but it's a top hat made out of human flesh.
How do you know the chef hat's not made out of human flesh?
Because it's mine.
Good point.
He takes your hat and he puts it on his head.
It's a little big.
So it kind of like full,
well,
it comes down right around his ears.
And he's like,
oh,
look,
no,
the chef.
I forgot what he said.
His aristocrat.
Yes.
Now you're an aristocrat chef.
Aristocratic chef.
Because if an aristocrat would ever have to make their own dinner.
What foolishness.
It's what makes it a good costume.
And then I just walk away.
You're right.
It's a great costume.
Captain,
what have you been doing?
Patches?
I've been standing idly by.
Idly by?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Okay.
We're going to hop right back up to.
Oh,
fuck.
Upstairs.
Can I do a flashback?
Yes.
So I'm sneaking up behind Lady High Hill very successfully considering pushing her out.
But I have this attack of a memory.
And it's a scene of Juckles.
He's four years old.
He comes running home and he knocks on the door.
And Uncle Shklok opens the door.
And he says,
Oh,
Juckles,
my boy.
I don't actually remember how he talked.
No,
that's good.
Juckles,
um,
says,
Uncle Shklok,
I brought you a present.
And he says,
Oh,
Juckles,
thank you so much.
And he pulls from behind his back.
He has his hands behind his back the whole time.
It's a,
it's a dead bird.
And he said,
I brought you this,
this dead bird.
Um,
Shklok says,
Juckles,
where did you get that dead bird?
I,
I made it.
I took a live bird and I killed it.
And Uncle Shklok says,
Juckles,
murder is wrong.
You should never murder anything.
Never murder anything.
And then snaps back and he's behind.
And I say out loud,
never murder anything.
And I changed my mind and I.
Walk back.
I sneak back to the bed.
Who says you need the Bible for a moral barometer?
Dead bird.
You just need someone to tell you to never do it.
Never murder anyone.
Yeah.
So she turns around and she sees you still sitting on the,
bed and,
uh,
she's like,
this is ridiculous.
They,
they should have made it downstairs by now.
I know there's something wrong.
I just know there's something wrong.
All right.
Well,
let's,
let's go,
let's go get them.
Uh,
they go to the door and,
uh,
she tries to open it and find,
finds that it's locked or,
or jammed in some way.
And she rattles the handle and she rattles and she rattles and she goes,
what,
what is this?
And she starts banging on the door.
Wait,
my lady,
calm.
I start smelling the lock and I,
rutabagas.
And then,
uh,
can I tinker the lock?
Yeah.
Okay.
Um,
tinker.
let's see.
I think,
um,
do you,
do you want to tinker to keep it locked?
I was,
I don't know.
I was just considering maybe I should tinker to break it more.
And you,
holy crap.
Well,
you gotta pick one.
Wow.
Break it more.
Uh,
yeah.
Well,
lady,
hi,
hill.
I've got some good news and I've got some bad news.
Uh,
it's mostly bad news.
It's a very little amount of good news.
Good news is I've gotten the rutabaga out of the lock.
The rutabaga in the lock?
Yeah.
You see this sometimes.
Mice,
they build nests with rutabagas.
It's a dastardly,
dastardly vegetable.
Um,
so,
would you like some?
Yes.
Rutabaga.
You know,
rutabagas are,
she's,
she,
at this moment,
she's so amazed that you are not only,
she believes you're telling the truth because I'm imagining in your hand,
you put,
well,
there was a rutabaga on there,
ma'am.
Uh,
and you're holding the rutabaga.
I took a bite out of it.
It's rutabaga.
Yeah.
That you're telling the truth and that this is actually what's happened,
that she's actually like,
kind of like slightly now less displeased by your presence.
And she's like,
I,
I do enjoy rutabaga,
but what's the bad news?
Oh,
uh,
bad news is it's way more broken now.
Um,
yeah,
we're going to be stuck in here for a while.
Probably.
she's kind of flabbergasted.
And then she looks to the window,
which is open.
Uh,
and if you guys remember,
uh,
hold on.
Yeah,
there you go.
If you guys remember from,
uh,
earlier,
this is the outside of the house and there are like areas where you can like
get out and like onto the rooftop from the windows of the house.
Um,
and you had just remembered this chuckles as lady.
high hill,
uh,
high up her skirts and,
uh,
starts bustling towards the window.
And she's like,
I have to go warn my father.
I knew it.
I knew those men were,
were up to no good.
Wait,
are you talking about me?
I,
I don't know what to believe about you,
but will you help me?
And she,
uh,
looks at you with like all of the earnest that she can muster.
And now this woman,
no,
she's not reached out to your hair.
Cause she's got her hands on her skirts.
Just like with one leg over the ledge.
Um,
okay.
Are you great?
Are you a true man?
Oh,
I'm glad you asked.
I am.
Well,
and she slides out of the window and gets onto the rooftop.
Are you following her?
All right,
ma'am.
Yeah,
I'll be on the roof.
Okay.
Uh,
we'll come back to that in a second.
Uh,
meanwhile,
squish captain.
Captain,
what's up with you?
I would like to give the key to patches.
I'm sorry.
Go.
Take this,
go to the vault,
get in.
I am going to go make it appear that we're doing what we're going to be,
what we said we were going to be doing and scale the wall.
Distract them.
I love it.
I'm all right.
And I scan far away.
Well,
that took very little convincing.
Patches.
you in a second squish.
Where are you going from,
uh,
the bottom floor?
I'm going to go outside and then find out.
Cause I know roughly where that window is.
Well,
you are supposed to be going there to go look up at the window.
Right.
Yeah.
So I go out there and I find it.
And then I'm going to start scaling the wall.
To,
to get up.
While you're scaling the wall to get up,
uh,
Chuckles and Lady High Hill are like trying to get down.
Yeah.
And we're going to like run into each other.
Um,
I'm going to have her start coming down.
Uh,
you see now.
Yeah.
So squish,
you see Lady Highwater.
She's got like this bustle dress.
So she's pretty obviously like coming down.
Like it's,
there's no,
she's not being stealthy at all.
I can see.
I can see right up.
Right.
Yeah,
sure.
You can see right up there.
You can see her bloomers.
Yeah.
You can see her white bloomers.
Um,
and chuckles.
You are,
uh,
coming down.
I imagine it's like some sort of wall or drain pipe or something that you guys are kind
of like scaling down.
So I just want to like keep climbing up.
But I see that and go,
Hey,
I was on my way up to prove that I can get in.
What did you do to the door?
I didn't do anything to the door.
We know about you and your,
your rutabagas.
It's a delicious vegetable.
Also,
what does that have to do with me?
I know that you blocked the door that you,
you stopped me from getting out.
I don't know what you've done with the guards,
but I I'm going to tell my father about all of this and explain to them.
And I'm going to have him throw you out.
You evil,
evil man.
We're going to turn you in.
The whole time I'm,
I keep climbing up.
Can I climb it up to like get by your feet?
Uh,
yeah,
you guys are like within like touching distance at this point.
Like you can reach her.
Cause it is only a floor.
Okay.
I would like to push her off.
The wall.
Um,
Hey,
uh,
are you going to try,
you're trying to like,
never murder anyone.
That's not for me.
Never murder.
It's only a floor.
She'll survive.
I'm going to say it's a skirmish attempt.
Uh,
cause you're trying to kind of grapple with her while she's on the,
uh,
while you're on the ledge.
Oh my.
I'm going to push myself again.
Oh,
fuck.
Uh,
you go to like reach for her ankle and she just kicks you really hard right in
the head,
like right in the face.
Uh,
let's see.
You're going to take one harm,
a bloody nose.
Let me see.
Cause I think I'm,
I'm tough as nails,
so I don't actually get any damage from it.
Yes.
Yeah.
All right.
Level four is still fatal.
Yeah.
So,
uh,
yeah,
maybe just instead of like taking any serious harm,
you can just take,
I don't know one.
No,
I'll have you take like two stress instead.
How about that?
All right.
And I already added my other one.
Yeah.
So,
uh,
you managed,
she kicks you.
You managed,
maybe you're not getting a bloody nose,
but she's definitely stung your face.
Chuckles.
Uh,
she looks off at you and she goes,
you have to help me.
Yeah.
Anything.
What do you need?
What do you want me to kick?
You want me,
you want me to kick them too?
Get to here.
Uh,
I'm going to kick swish.
What the fuck?
You're tough as nails.
Uh,
okay.
I've got a plan.
I'm playing the long game.
I wink at you as I kick you.
Just like captain.
The captain.
What captain?
Oh yeah.
Right.
The real captain.
Oh yeah.
I wasn't there.
This is not the time for this discussion.
Are you trying to actually hurt him?
Are you just trying to like make it look like you're hurting him?
No,
I really have to try to hurt him.
I need her to believe that I'm trying to,
uh,
kick him in the head.
Okay.
Same thing.
Uh,
it'll be a skirmish.
I probably am not very good.
Kick him in the head.
Good.
You go to kick,
uh,
squish,
but unfortunately you kind of like lose your grip as you do.
So you kind of like kick too hard.
Uh,
and you're actually going to fall down to the first floor.
Oh no.
Me?
Am I dead?
No,
no,
you're not dead.
Uh,
but you are going to take another level of harm.
Uh,
or actually,
you know what?
just,
uh,
just take one,
one chunk of health.
You have four.
I'm going to have you take one.
Uh,
you hit the ground pretty hard.
Did you change it?
Uh,
I was,
yeah,
I think I hit it for you.
Hold on.
Yeah.
Oh,
that's harm.
Oh boy.
Yeah.
So you fall,
uh,
she knocked the wind out of you.
Uh,
lady high hill,
uh,
screams.
She's like,
you know,
she's seen you like,
she assumes that you like,
you know,
didn't mean to actually,
you know,
die or anything.
Um,
she screams squished.
You now have a screaming woman kicking you.
Oh,
I'm definitely going to pull her,
try to pull her off again.
Excuse me.
Pull her off.
Sure.
Yeah.
You want to try again?
I'm going to strain myself again.
How many strains do you have left?
You strained yourself.
This is like your fourth time streaming.
Don't.
Yes.
It was almost a two.
Tell me what you do next to her.
So you're able to grab onto her and now you can do what,
you need to,
to her.
I'm actually like,
you know,
in those old timey dresses,
they had like that wire cage around them.
Yeah.
The bustle.
Yeah.
I grab that and I tug it really hard and throw her down.
On top of squish.
On top of juckles.
Yeah.
I mean,
on top of juckles.
Right on top of juckles.
In a sexy way.
All right.
Hold on.
Let me.
Guys,
I'm really sorry.
I have to use the bathroom again.
Okay.
I'll be right back.
Nothing.
I did not want to take squish.
Hold on.
Let me try that again.
I'm going to object to this.
Okay.
It's fine.
Okay.
Yeah.
No.
Well,
if it ended up being like a success,
I'm like,
I should have taken.
No,
no,
this is,
this was meant for chuckles.
Um,
she lands fully clothed on top of you.
Um,
just right on,
right on top.
Uh,
she's pretty much not winded at this point.
Um,
let's see.
Uh,
maybe we'll just pause there for a second.
Wait for Brandon to come back,
but yeah.
Uh,
yeah.
What is he doing?
Well,
that's what we're going to find out.
Probably just standing by idly.
No,
I hope he's going to the,
the vault.
Oh,
that's where you're supposed to be.
That's right.
He ran off.
The,
the role was to see if her clothes fell off.
Oh,
he doesn't,
doesn't failure mean her clothes failed?
No,
that was for you.
Oh,
you know,
you have a more anyway.
Um,
uh,
so captain just to,
or pack is just to get you where we are.
Uh,
squish was able to pull lady high hill off of the,
uh,
off the wall.
Uh,
she landed on triples.
And now we're going to go to you.
All right.
I am casually,
very casually walking up to the vault.
Are you upstairs?
Uh,
where is the vault?
Is it upstairs?
So hold on.
Let me probably should have asked this before you ran off.
No,
she showed us.
Yeah.
She showed us where it was before.
So,
uh,
captain,
do you see where this hallway where you're at?
Yeah.
Um,
as you go down this hallway,
there is a set of stairs that lead up there.
We're going to pretend that these are the stairs right here.
Um,
and as you lead up those stairs,
there is one guard there and he stops you as you go up and he's like,
Oh,
sir.
nobody's allowed up here tonight.
Uh,
I've got the key.
I've got the,
uh,
permission from the governor.
Here's the key.
And I dangle it right in front of him.
Sorry.
I'm just checking out security,
uh,
security check.
Um,
though that uniform,
is that a regulation?
Uh,
yes,
sir.
And he like touched down his,
uh,
uniform form.
It absolutely is,
sir.
Yeah.
I see you standing at ease.
I expect you to stand a little bit more,
uh,
you know,
not at ease.
Uh,
these things can get,
uh,
out of control.
Sometimes we need to be at attention at all times.
Oh,
I absolutely agree,
sir.
And he salutes you and he goes in and what company are you with?
Uh,
uh,
Kahuna wave company.
Uh,
I've never heard of it.
Uh,
who's your acting captain for tonight?
Fitz Clyde.
Captain Fitz Clyde.
The famous.
Uh,
you know,
well,
you might have,
you might've heard of him.
Some from like,
some like backwater,
you know,
bar.
He's kind of,
kind of picking up a name.
I,
you know,
really,
you should be looking out for that new captain patches,
the new,
uh,
new pirate captain arch in the sea.
Never heard it.
Never heard of a captain patches.
Nope.
Yep.
I know.
Uh,
anyway,
I gotta go check on this harp deal.
Uh,
you stand,
you stand at a guard.
They do a walk,
talking to me so much.
You get distracted.
So easily.
he doesn't quite believe you.
Um,
and he's not going to just let you walk past.
Um,
because it's a little strange that this guy who he's never met,
uh,
suddenly has a key to this place.
and he goes,
I better check with the governor before I allow you up there.
Uh,
one second,
let me just call one of the other guards to take my place.
If you don't mind,
sir.
Um,
what do you do?
Uh,
what do you do?
Uh,
I mean,
I did get permission from the governor,
so this is just a waste of my time and his.
So how are you,
what are you going to,
you have a couple of options.
Are you going to try and like persuade him?
Are you going to command him?
Uh,
what are you going to do?
Command,
command,
command.
I'm going to raise,
I'm going to become a leader right now.
He,
this is my two character development.
listen,
son,
I am the captain of this ship right now.
And I need to get into this vault to make sure it's,
everything is safe and protected.
All right.
Roll to command him.
Roll to command.
Ooh.
Oh,
partial.
Uh,
he,
he does say,
oh,
yes,
sir.
Of course I,
I understand.
And,
uh,
right this way,
sir.
Uh,
and he points towards the,
uh,
to the vault,
allowing you to go,
past,
uh,
but he does follow up behind you.
Um,
so he is keeping an eye on you as you approach the vault.
You see something you like,
sir?
Sir,
I'm just making sure everything's in order.
That's all.
It's,
it's time for our,
our hourly guard change anyway.
So let me hold on.
These guys.
Okay.
Uh,
okay.
Do you see the vault room?
Yeah.
Okay.
Perfect.
I just want to make sure I got all that fixed.
Uh,
so captain,
you walk up these stairs into this wall and it's pretty much what you see in this,
uh,
image.
It is a,
uh,
somewhat circular room.
There are lots of chests and,
uh,
treasure up here.
Um,
but there are also a large number of guards and these are heavily armed,
very dangerous looking men.
Um,
these are also demon men too.
Um,
these are also demon men too.
Um,
so they're not exactly,
you know,
they're not anything you'd want to mess with offhand.
Um,
you can tell that they have,
uh,
guns and they have swords.
They're very strong.
There's four of them in the room.
Um,
and while there is a lot of like stuff on the walls and,
you know,
paintings and books and,
and chests full of,
uh,
whatever.
Um,
it's very,
very clear that the centerpiece is right in the middle.
And it's this very large chest,
um,
that looks like it's been inscribed with some sort of ruins that you don't,
you,
you personally can't read off.
Um,
it's some sort of like language and it's just the,
it's got a very like intense vibe.
It's very clear that this is what they're guarding.
Okay.
Can I summon Neelix again?
You can.
Can I have him do the same thing he did before?
Uh,
you want him,
you want to command him to spook these guys away?
As a sexy woman.
Yeah,
as a sexy woman.
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean,
okay.
Okay.
How about this?
Can I summon the hot men to make a fire and distract these guys to go away?
And burn the harp?
No,
I'm going to steal the harp.
I'm going to burn down the castle.
The castle is made of stone.
Never stopped fire before.
I actually don't know if it's made of stone.
I just don't want to burn the harp.
The harp is probably not made of stone.
No,
my plan is to distract them with fire.
Fire,
fire,
fire.
And then they run off to go deal with the fire.
And I casually stroll in and swap.
All right.
Well,
just don't tell him to go nuts.
Because that's what you always tell him.
Oh,
what do you think,
Bridget?
Yeah.
If you want to try and,
and call Kaboom out and have him set fire to it.
So the,
the castle is made of stone.
So I'll just need a little bit more detail on where you're starting the fire.
Um,
but yeah,
if you want to,
I want to,
you can.
Yeah.
I'll roll for that.
I want him to start a fire in the room behind me.
Like the room I just came from.
Okay.
Yeah.
You mean your escape,
your escape route?
Well,
where else am I supposed to send these people?
I don't know.
I'm just saying you don't want to start a fire.
So you're stuck in the treasure room.
No,
well,
I'll start a fire and then I'll run away.
With the heart,
right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Making sure you don't forget that vital part.
What should I roll,
huh?
Oh,
you're going to command,
uh,
Kaboom.
Sorry.
For some reason,
Kaboom's,
uh,
image is not correct,
but pretend Baz here is Kaboom.
Quick,
quick question.
Yeah.
This is like,
is this a good idea?
No,
that too.
But,
uh,
it's like a big harp,
right?
It's,
it's,
it's not like one of those little ones you see,
like the cherubs play.
No,
no,
it's a relatively large harp.
Like one person can hold the harp,
uh,
by themselves.
It's not like it's a two person instrument,
but it's not something small.
You can just like tuck into your jacket.
It's,
it's,
it's a big harp.
I can't carry,
carry and run,
right?
You would really struggle with it.
There's a reason it's in a carrying case.
All right,
cool.
So roll for power.
Roll for power.
Uh,
yeah,
you're,
so you're going to command him to blow some stuff up.
Any modifiers?
Uh,
hold on,
let's take a look.
Up too late.
Okay.
So,
so you want him to start a fire behind you,
right?
Yeah.
Okay.
what do you tell him?
Uh,
flameo.
I know I've told you to cut loose before.
I need you to cut loose just a tiny bit and distract these guards enough.
And I'm whispering really quietly.
Like I'm coughing.
Like,
flameo.
I need to go.
She's gone.
I'm like looking at the.
I mean,
it was partially.
Um,
so.
You say that as you're coughing.
Which is a little suspicious.
That's subjective.
And,
uh,
and,
uh,
as you start lighting,
uh,
flameo turns around,
hotman turns around and he's like,
yes,
sir.
And he starts like,
he appears.
As a,
as a ghostly specter of flame and starts calling fireballs down,
uh,
the,
uh,
down the alley or down the,
uh,
staircase behind you.
Uh,
they do catch,
they do start a light.
They,
they don't like engulf the room and fire,
but he does start setting things on fire.
Um,
but an alarm goes off around you.
Uh,
like,
you know,
like a fire alarm.
Uh,
these are magical alarms.
that you have now tripped the door to the vault slam shut.
Uh,
and you are now trapped in there with five other guards.
Oh,
do I still have flame?
Oh,
Nope.
Flame.
He was on the other side of the room,
setting,
setting things ablaze.
You told him to cut loose.
I,
um,
hold on.
I got it.
Did you see that?
Uh,
demon,
demon.
We all see that,
sir.
Our job is to protect the black harp until the very end.
And they all pull out their swords.
All right.
Or go into formation around the,
uh,
around the,
uh,
can I like join them in formation?
All right.
I get it.
I will protect this thing with our lives.
Yes.
You can join them in formation.
What's your cool.
Yeah.
I have a sword.
Do you have a sword?
I thought I did.
Cannon.
I don't remember you ever having.
Never used it.
Strangely enough.
A lightning hook.
You have a spirit mask.
You have some bottles.
Uh,
I do not.
Do you want to add a sword?
No,
no,
no.
If I don't have it,
I'm not going to use it.
I have a,
I have a lightning hook.
I'm just like spinning it around.
Like,
uh,
all right.
Uh,
I think we're going to stop there.
As you set a fire.
Hail the junk fort boys.
In the night they roam.
Solving wolves with fire and cruel.
With a clash and a crash and a twist of fate.
Explosions mark the hours never late.
Man,
just started the fire.
It was always the world's return.
And,
and,