Episode 3, The Work Van.
Exact change.
The crew's latest mission took them deep into Coruscant's industrial underbelly,
where they pulled off a daring heist at a heavily secured repair facility
to steal a hyper-hydro-coupling,
a critical part needed to get their van space-worthy again.
Flash-sticking and sucker-punching their way through thuds, guard dogs, and unfaithful lovers,
they nabbed the unit and escaped via public transit.
Thankfully, the bus did not have a no-shoe, no-service policy,
but now they must install it and get off-world.
With any luck, no one will miss the work van they're about to borrow.
If they can get off in one piece, they can finally head towards their rendezvous with Commander Gorak.
Gorak, wherever that is.
Who lost a shoe?
Did you lose a shoe?
I lost a shoe.
You lost a shoe.
It was taken from me by a naked man.
Yeah, he was in the throes of passion.
And he took my shoe.
This is going to become an arc.
This man stole my shoe.
I hate him.
for stealing your shoe.
You try walking around Coruscant with one shoe.
Don't they use sandals?
Who? The Jedi?
No, that's Jesus.
I'm right.
I mean, aren't they basically Jesus?
A sandal is a type of shoe.
They're space Jesuses.
g-zine
yes
g-zine
so we're on the bus
well we could go on the way back to the bus
I was gonna
you know jump ahead
fast travel to the end of the bus ride
did we want to do some bus play
anybody got some ideas for some good
bus
I imagine it's just like we're at the end of that
of the graduate
Taz still presses the button
or pulls the cord every single time
Yeah, you just hear this.
He's sitting there just pulling the cord all the time,
just pulling it because he likes the sound.
All right.
Well, eventually that bus ride ends,
and you guys get back to the stables, the Jedi stables.
I might have been banned from all Coruscant buses.
I mean, at least you got two rides in.
You had never ridden a bus before, and now you've ridden one twice.
So that's enough for you, I guess.
Of course.
Yeah.
For now.
Okay.
But as they kick you off of the bus at the stop you were trying to get to,
you guys get back to the Jedi stables.
You have the part, and what follows?
Does anyone know how to install a hydro coupling?
My mechanics is very bad, so no.
I thought it was a cup holder.
No.
You guys kept saying that, and I kept telling you it was not.
Sounds like a cup holder, though.
Okay, it's a cup holder, but you guys can't launch without it.
So whatever it is, you can't leave without it.
Does anyone want to try to install the cup holder?
All right, everyone, check your stats.
My mechanics is bad.
You've got the best mechanic stats.
I have two abilities and two difficulties.
It's not really great.
No, I've got one ability.
Oh, wow.
A lot better than me. God.
Alright, yeah, you guys head out back to where the van is parked.
There's a little landing pad.
The van is sitting in the middle of it.
And you all approach it.
You're all kind of looking at each other because you didn't think that you would get this far.
Unsure what to do next, apparently.
Well, we all are, like, looking at each other.
Well, do you know cars?
How well do you know cars?
I mean, I don't call you a lot.
So who's got the best mechanics?
What's your character's name?
Kale.
Kale, okay.
Hey, Kale, you're like my boss, right?
That means this is your responsibility.
Yeah, so you have to know someone that can fix stuff around here.
You know, I think I know a guy,
But we might need to chip in to kind of sweeten the pot for him to perform this work.
Anything you guys can chip in?
No.
Any services you can render?
Well.
Like what?
I don't know.
Don't laugh.
That makes it dirty.
Maybe an IOU for later?
I could definitely write a UI.
What is it?
I owe you.
Will he accept paninis?
I think a good panini
would get him to
do the work, yes.
Well, let's find out.
Roll for panini.
I mean, I got some cash I can chip
in, I guess. I mean, I didn't
waste all my money. Let's see if he agrees
for the panini first.
Oh, what fine negotiating skills you have.
All right.
I guess what would come first?
Are you cooking the panini?
No, it's already pre-cooked.
I got a bunch of them.
They're in his pocket.
They're in my pocket.
You're going to give him a pocket panini?
Yeah.
You're not even giving him the decency of giving him a fresh panini?
No.
All right.
Would you?
I don't know this guy.
He's not a friend.
I don't know this guy.
You only need him to do something for you.
Yeah.
And I'm giving him a panini over it.
Okay.
You can roll a negotiation, but it will be a setback for this being a body temperature panini.
Body temperature.
I guess this would be Matt Stroll rolling the negotiation because he is the one.
Kale is going to be calling.
So any adjustments to the modifier?
No, I'm not rolling.
negotiation with
some difficulty?
Yes.
I guess just two difficulties.
Fine.
He's his boss.
He's not negotiating with you.
The other guy is.
So two difficulties. Fine. Sorry.
Yeah.
Oh, wait. No, you forgot to roll the setback.
Sorry.
In the dice roll, you will have to add one setback, which is the black die.
Oh, sorry.
Okay.
Body Tempanini is not going to do it, huh?
Yeah.
So I imagine you're ringing this person up.
Hey, Cal, got a part that needs installed.
Got a panini.
Pretty good one, if I may say so.
What are you talking about, like a panini?
What am I going to do with a panini?
Well, here's the best part.
It goes in your pocket.
Take it with you.
What?
It's like a panini pocket?
A panini pocket.
It's like 1230.
Well, here's the best part.
You can save it for tomorrow.
Sounds like it's already been saved.
Nah, this is...
I guarantee you the precious,
smallest panini you've ever had.
This is some terrible negotiation.
Well, here's the thing.
Is it the best thing?
It's a good panini.
Who's that?
Hi, I'm Chaz.
Oh, I know you.
You're always making my life hard.
You're always damaging the van.
And I gotta fix it.
Me? No.
Well, here's the deal.
We'll give you a panini,
and I'll make sure Taz stays out of your hair
for the foreseeable future.
How does that sound?
For like, ever?
That would be great.
Yeah, let's...
Well, I'll try to keep him away from you
as much as possible.
Wait, why did I...
Alright.
They're just like bumps and scratches.
I don't like destroy anything.
Sometimes you do.
Well, isn't that what you get paid for?
Headaches?
Well, I mean, that's on you.
Hey, Taz, let's maybe dial it back a little bit, you know.
So, Cal, overall, let's, you know, panini, get Taz out of your hair,
a little tune-up.
alright
just as long as it's not one of those
hyperhydro couplings
uh
and what if it is
oh boy
you got two paninis
does he want another one
I'm afraid
he's gonna have to take that other panini
alright
fine
I'll take your damn paninis
I'll be over in a jiffy
do you hang up
Thank you, Cal. Appreciate it.
Yes, I hung up.
Okay, because let me tell you, he did not clarify that.
He's only getting one.
Out of character, but I'm really happy to hear my paninis are a hit.
Yeah, and they're here, like, you know, in person.
So, you know.
Oh, they really are, too.
They're not baked potatoes.
They're wrapped.
They're wrapped in, you know, foil for, you know.
You wrap baked potatoes in foil, too.
What?
You wrap baked potatoes in foil, too.
Some might say that's why it looks like a baked potato.
Yes.
A big square potato.
What's your point?
I don't have a baked potato for you.
I have a panini.
But we need two.
Does two paninis add to a baked potato?
No.
I just said it looked like a baked potato.
So, turns out we need a baked potato now.
So Clyde, if you don't want to give your extra panini away,
Is there any way you can make that other one look a little bit bigger?
I'm going to combine two paninis to make one giant panini.
How about that?
That's the opposite of what we need.
It's getting two paninis anyway.
It doesn't matter.
How about this?
How about instead of giving them two paninis, I'll put them on top of each other.
And give them one panini.
How many paninis I have.
I'm actually a little weighed down by paninis.
That can be arranged.
So give him two paninis.
I mean, he didn't really want to, he didn't really sell it to me.
That's what I'm saying.
He didn't seem like he wanted.
We're trying to sell it to him.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Who's been carrying this thing the whole time?
I imagine it's still Uli who had it in the beginning.
Yeah, yeah.
Just give him the stupid paninis.
All right, fine.
He can have two paninis combined into one mega panini.
All right.
No.
It's a mega panini.
All right.
Now I'm here.
Oh, crap.
I started making it up to the side.
How about one panini now and one panini after I put in the part?
I got one panini.
It's a mega panini.
You can have it right away.
Can I have just a bite?
No.
You have to eat it all.
You have to be enthusiastic about it.
You're bullying this man
Yeah, why are you bullying me?
You're asking me for a favor
And you are telling me how to eat my panini
I make fine paninis, sir
I don't even know why I'm here for a panini
It was quite
Quite frankly, the paninis have
Become part of my character
Very quickly
And I was a little surprised about it
So where did the paninis come in the first place?
They were from my
You might say you just made them up.
Right?
In my pocket.
Well, can't you just make up some more and just give me the panini?
It costs you nothing.
That sounds like it's someone else's fault, not mine.
Well, it costs them something.
No, it's costing all of us precious.
We're not going to get into specifics about the paninis, damn it.
The ingredients have to add up to something.
All right, all right, all right.
You can have my paninis.
all of them
no you can have two
alright that's what I asked for
that's why I came over that was the agreement
I was going to combine them but apparently that's not good enough
I'll combine them if I want to
alright bye
you should though
yeah of course go have a bite
I hold it out to you
roll for bite
well now
now Kale is going to get under the
not Kale
I do no respect
that's not confusing
that's weird we have the same name that just jumbled up uh he gets under the uh the van and
he uh he starts going to work um how do know this guy she uh uh we asked uh Taz and uh Cale
because you've had you've had more run-ins with him thanI have
Oh, don't remind me.
Hey, hey, he was talking to me, bud, not you.
Also, how do you know this guy?
What's his name?
He's the mechanic here at the stables,
repairing all the vehicles and whatnot for the animals.
What?
You talk?
Wait, wait, wait.
Where's my out of character card?
I don't have one.
Here's a piece of paper.
Now you're out of character.
You're telling me that the Jedi Temple not only doesn't have a stable,
it has a dedicated mechanic for the vehicles on those tables.
Yes.
It's a complicated endeavor.
And, yeah, no, I'm a bit of a freelancer,
and I'd appreciate it if you didn't comment.
I was out of character when I made those comments.
Oh, that's right.
I didn't hear that.
I'm just going to take that that was you, Tiger, talking with that accent at me.
All right.
So far, I have for my day minus two paninis.
A jack of all trades.
What else do you do?
I fix stuff around here.
He's a jack of something.
He's the best mechanic I know that we can get this done ASAP.
Yeah, especially since it's like the middle of the night.
As soon as possible.
I mean, he is the only mechanic here.
I work for peanuts.
No, you work for paninis.
No, paninis.
It's pronounced panini.
Cal.
What's your name?
Cal.
You work for paninis, not peanuts.
Today, I work for Panemans.
Yes.
See?
Here you got it.
Good job.
Maybe this guy's having a midlife prize.
It's like, what am I doing?
Why is he rolling so much?
It just takes a while to put these in.
You got a triumph.
That was for the carburetor.
Take care of all of it.
Yeah, but it's a triumph for him.
And his goals are not exactly aligned with yours.
Who?
Mechanic?
Cal.
He's a villain?
Well, we don't know.
Is David Cale?
No, it's the East Island.
Look, this van that we're taking,
is this meant for a long-term voyage?
How big is this thing?
I'm taking a look at it.
What?
What do you mean long-term voyage?
Like across town?
A little further than that.
If we go to space and have to be in space for a day or a week or a month or a year,
however long this campaign takes us.
Oh, God, no.
Oh, okay, great, great.
So more of a...
No, we just gotta go meet Captain Travolger.
Oh, dude.
What's his name? I can't remember.
Gorbachev.
Okay, yeah, you can probably get to space with this,
but hopefully you don't get into any, like, battles or anything.
Let me put it to you this way.
It's kind of like, you know, traversing the ocean
in a
motorboat
oh
okay
that doesn't sound too bad
no that
that actually
it's got a motor
that's fine
can it go hyperspeed
no
fuck
do you need to
I don't think so
I don't know
I'm not a map man
no we just need to go to
the
the front of
no man's land
yeah
no man's land
what he said
what
I think they mean the blood meridian.
Yes.
We need to go to the dark meridian.
Are you insane?
No.
It's not that far.
You guys don't look like soldiers to me.
There's no soldiers out there.
Absolutely aren't.
You look like a mechanic to me.
Wait, hold on.
You called me.
He's literally underneath the car right now.
Guys, quick sidebar.
Are we in character or out of character?
No, this is in character and out of character.
Taz, this guy is doing us kind of a big favor.
I got shitty mechanics, dude.
I can't fix this thing.
He said he doesn't like me, though, so...
If he doesn't like me, I don't like him.
That's such a...
That feels like...
I don't know what kind of logic that is.
I'm not going to treat him with respect.
Okay.
I hear what you're saying, and I respect your point of view.
he don't get no respect
he doesn't get none you don't get one
and not respect either but maybe
we just pretend to like him
and play nice until we get what
we want and then after that he'll go
away with two paninis
well I want him to go away
sooner
right but we gotta get him
I wasn't talking to you Cal
but we gotta get him to fix
the van
Cal fix the van
Can I say that? I never agreed to go to the Blood Meridian.
That's where you're going to go?
I thought you were about to say it.
Can I just say I never agreed to get into this game about paninis and arguing with this man over something.
Yeah, I thought we were going to be space. Space Jedi.
It turns out it was a man that was literally invented 15 seconds ago that all of a sudden I hate with a passion.
I think I sucked.
no we just need to get to the front lines of the blood meridian that's more of like an inside the
van conversation we can have um but i think did he fix the van or not hey uh it's had do you have
any animals to feed oh yeah they all probably need to be fed all right i'll also add that uh
Maybe you guys didn't pick up on this, but the three of you have never left Coruscant,
nor know how to drive.
We're optimistic.
Kale has come from me.
He's a little bit more worldly or galaxy-ly in that he's come from the Outer Rim.
So he does have some experience.
He's not like a seasoned pilot, but he is more of a pilot than any of you.
Are you talking about you, Cal, or Mac Cal?
No, I'd be doing a silly accent if it was a mechanic.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
So it turns out, I told a lie a little bit earlier.
We're not actually going to rescue animals.
What?
I mean, kind of, like in a bigger sense, if you think of all of us as animals, then yeah, I mean, we're probably rescuing some.
Now that you put it that way, I'm on board.
I didn't know you were off board. Good to know you're back on.
Well, you said you lied about saving animals.
I lied to kill.
I got off board when you said that.
But then you compared me to an animal, and it brought me right back on.
I couldn't help but overhear your conversation that's been taking a long time, and it's very animated.
You guys keep saying the blood meridian.
I assume you're talking about the dead meridian, and I'm assuming you're not actually wanting to go there.
No, we just need to get to the front lines of it.
I need to go to the car.
I need to go to the meridian.
we're not going to cross a dead meridian
we just need to get to the front
to speak to a general
Cal I don't know why you're having a problem
wrapping your head around this
jeez I hope this
mission you're talking about isn't
secret or otherwise classified
because you just did tell me a lot
about it
you were underneath the car
well I'm back up here now trying to help you
get back underneath the car
trying to help you
trying
All I can hear is you threatening us.
Cal, put in the cup holder.
Put in the cup holder.
It's in. Cal is gone.
All right. Thank you, Cal.
Go on back to your discussion.
Cal.
Okay.
First off, Blood Meridian is a book by Cormac McCarthy.
Out of character.
That's where that's from.
Never heard of her.
Never heard of it.
In character.
Yeah.
So we lied.
we're not saving animals
in animalistic
adoption sense
Taz
just so you're on board with the conversation
yes
we lied
we're definitely taking this van
and we're
we're definitely hopping off world
I've been off world
before but I was very young so
you know
anything else you haven't told me
Oh, probably a lot, but I mean, it's, you know, learn as you go sort of thing.
Something like we're working for a shady cabal of undercover Jedi people.
That's the kind of stuff I meant, like, maybe we could discuss later.
What? No. Really?
Because I kind of felt like I got sacked in that situation.
You're just hungry.
No, I am hungry.
No, Kale, you know most about me.
You're my boss, so you know most things.
As I would say that's true, these other two got an icky feeling about them.
We just met each other.
Icky.
We just met each other, like, I don't know, six hours ago, maybe?
That sounds about right.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't know why I have to be so quiet about being abducted and being sort of forced into doing this thing.
I mean, I still want to do it.
I mean, also, it's weird that the three of us were picked.
One, we don't know each other.
And two, I mean, I can see why I was picked.
I'm not sure why you two were picked.
I mean, I got talents.
You got talents?
I got talents.
Yeah.
We're waiting.
You guys don't know each other.
Ken will be pretty cool in a tight situation.
I got things that offer.
I flashed somebody.
I was about to ask some questions, Matt.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, go ahead.
We've been hammering.
Oh, no.
Well, so you guys don't know each other, and you were all kidnapped.
We were sacked.
Kid snatched.
Sacked, yes.
Kid sacked.
So what else do we need to get this mission off the ground?
A car.
We got that.
Check.
All right.
Now we need to go re-meet with Commander Gorbachev.
Okay
He's on the front lines of the dead meridian
Dark meridian
The meridian
I think it's dead meridian
I thought he said red meridian
It's definitely the dead meridian
I'll lead you guys there
But
Are we
I'm feeling a little bit underprepared
For this
Oh aren't we all
We're all getting a hundred grand for it
You want some of that
A hundred grand huh
yeah 100 grand
each
oh sorry
what
want that money
thank you thank you for calling that out
so I'm going to need a little bit
from you you and
you kind of get this
ship off the ground how does that sound
how about you just
we all go you know when we get the money
we go splitsies
yeah we don't get
the money until we get back.
That's what I'm saying. I don't know.
It's $100,000 between all of us.
I mean, it's not much more to add an extra
character to the game.
Uli pulls out her little
pocket calculator and starts doing
some math.
Math.
$25,000.
That's what I'll throw in. If you're in, you're in.
Everyone else, match it.
We're good.
We're all even.
I'll say that works.
Everyone matches that.
We got a deal.
All right, fine.
We're good, right?
Because we actually have a better world.
Whatever you say, boss.
I'll do whatever you want.
If you want to take all of Taz's money at this point, I honestly, I'm 100% percent.
If you want to take responsibility and control of Taz, you can go right ahead.
He's got a handful.
He is.
You know, once we step off this planet, Taz is no longer my responsibility.
No, no, no.
You wanted a part of this team.
This is your responsibilities, all right?
He runs in the traffic.
We're sending you after him.
I'm going to need another 10 from both of you two.
I can offer you a panini with a bite taken out of it.
Make it a mega panini.
We got it.
No, it's a mega panini with a bite taken out of it.
He didn't take the rest of it.
It was a very strange offer.
What types of proteins are we talking?
Bacon and ranch and chicken?
Ranch isn't a protein.
All right.
I think you guys came to, you know, in your roundabout way,
I think you are starting the process of bonding as a team.
I think you've all found a nice little role for yourselves.
And perhaps it's time to board the ship or van.
I was curious.
Realistically, how big is this van?
Is this something that has living space, or is it more of just like a transport?
Does it have a name?
It does have a name.
You start looking over on the side of the...
Are you back, Andy?
I don't think so for now.
Andy, we offered your whole share in order to be big for Dick to Cal to babysit you.
I don't like that idea.
Well, you'll never find out the truth unless you listen to the podcast.
All right, roll a perception check, Clyde.
failed but I got one advantage
you see
some writing on the
side of the ship
that seems to suggest a name
but it's in
symbols that you don't
quite understand
symbols
What do they say?
Pizza delivery.
That would be a strange thing to be written on the side of a zoo delivery van.
I've clearly lied to.
Here, I'll roll the deception right now if you want to.
No, no.
Okay.
But, you know, it's big enough to walk around in.
I'm trying to think of a good, I think once you get inside, you'll have a good sense of
how big the van is.
So no, you can, you can live in it, but it's not really, it's probably more like a, like
an 18 wheeler than it is like, you know, an RV.
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
All right.
You guys, you guys walk around to the back of the van.
You open up the back.
Platform comes down.
It's a ramp.
And you guys ascend the van.
You are now inside the van.
I walk into the van.
All right.
You guys have walked into the van.
Anyone calling shotgun?
no who drives who flies well clearly the only person with maybe piloting experience yeah
i forgot all about that i guys i gotta admit i forgot all about that i panicked for a second
you thought you might have to fly i mean i was willing to give it a shot but you know
oh yeah you guys get inside you see a little bit of the cargo that's in there
you know
I'd say this is probably roughly
it's a good representation of how big
the van is
yeah no I get it mostly cargo
a little bit looks like there's a bathroom
yes yeah that is
what it's called
refresher
I don't know
is there a word for
lavatory
yeah let's go with that
recycler
For the bathroom?
Poop hole?
Yeah, the great dad.
That's a different campaign.
Poop hole.
You gotta waffle stomp it.
No!
Bridget, enough.
That's what they're called in Star Wars universe.
The waffle stomp her.
Alright.
You guys get on the ship.
I imagine that...
Taz, you've been on the ship, but mostly just in the back, like loading and unloading stuff.
Yeah.
Kale, you have driven the ship through Coruscant to pick up supplies and on the occasional run to get animals, to pick up animals from orbit.
Like big ships will come in, you have to pick them up in orbit and then bring them down to the zoo.
So you two are a little bit familiar with the Hokuhana.
Good old Hokuhana.
I just want to say one bit of advice.
These red barrels, this water is not potable.
So don't try it.
Good to know.
Other than that.
I mean, we won't need that.
We can always stop by a space case.
He's on our way out.
You know, I'm sure they got water.
So, you know, guys, I'm really struggling here.
You know, you guys say we want to stop at a space case.
I thought we got a somewhat important mission.
Well, important is something that really depends on every single person.
But I get what you're saying.
Yeah, man, let's jet.
I mean, hey, I mean, if you guys want to, you know, I guess we're pretty stocked up here already.
Any last-minute requests before we head out?
I'm good
Any materials needed?
No, no, no
Well taken care of
Alright
These doors here
You can head up Matt
Scroll into the cockpit
There you go
I mean anyone can go up there
I guess the door is open unless
Matt throws the door behind him
I need, I would like to have a co-pilot to at least pass the time with.
May I suggest Taz?
Taz, get up here, buddy.
That was a sarcastic suggestion, but it is your case.
Taz, you're going to need to learn how to fly this one day, maybe.
Want to learn from the best?
And by best, I mean...
I do want to learn from the best,
but where are we going to find them on board?
Okay, Andy, you cannot just be, like,
knocking down everybody all the time.
Bez, do you want to help with maybe some of the pre-flight checks?
Ooh, I need to flip buttons?
Yeah, can you flip all these buttons, please, for me?
Yes, and I flip all of said buttons.
All right.
Almost over enthusiastically.
Something does not look right.
Taz, did you hit that button at the bottom, right?
Which button at the bottom?
Taz.
Alright, you hit the button at the bottom.
Yeah, I probably did.
Yeah, this makes your
launch a little bit
rockier. I'm going to say
all of you
suffer a strain
in liftoff.
But
does
my perfect score.
Alright.
the jets do ignite
and you head up into
into space
congrats
space
we made it
okay
because it looks like at the front of the ship
it's just like one seat
but not a lot of windows
so I'm kind of like
I'm leaning forward and pressing into
Kale's body
is like, they're just kind of staring out the windows
to see all the stars more clearly.
Taz, personal space.
Taz, come on, buddy.
What?
Let me get things set on autopilot.
Yeah, but do you see all these stars?
Yeah, yeah.
There's a lot of them, Taz.
Yes, yes.
There is a lot of them.
Can you give me just two seconds
and you can sit in the voice chair, please?
Do you think someone's visited them all?
Yeah, there's probably been at least one person.
Crazy, huh?
Yeah.
Okay, all right.
Tad just sits back in the chair.
All right.
I'm going to be the fifth.
I'm going to go take, now that we got things on autopilot here,
I'm going to go rest up a bit.
You know, we'll be there in no time.
So you're going to leave?
It's on autopilot.
Taz just needs you to not press any buttons.
And make sure that the rest of your little crew,
make sure they don't do anything stupid.
That would be appreciated.
I got to stay up here to make sure I don't press any buttons.
I don't know how I'm going to keep them.
like keep them from you know behaving themselves so they're just don't if I
have to be up here you just don't press the button what what is I client and I'm
reading my little red book that has no words in it okay you're sitting reading
I think who leads probably take took a quick look around the ship she's kind of
just taking stock of what they actually have.
Because I'm assuming this is somewhat decked out for space travel, but...
Kale's right, we did no preparation whatsoever.
But, yeah, she's just kind of walking around, looking at stuff, and then sees Clyde up there
with his book, and kind of as she walks past, she sees that...
Does that have no words in it?
What?
No, no.
I mean, it's kind of weird, right?
Yeah.
No, it's super weird.
So is it like a diary?
No, no.
So I was in the library working, and I found it, and it has no words in it.
And right after I found this, I got sacked.
You got sacked?
It's been kind of a mystery for me.
It's been in my pocket this whole time.
It's got no words in it.
It's a red book in a place that was notoriously almost all blue books, by the way.
And it's, I don't know, it's got no words in it.
I haven't been trying to figure it out.
Does it have a title?
Does it, Tiger?
No, it's just red.
Just red.
But rather unred, if you think about it.
Whoa.
that's pretty good dear
alright
roll a
either
I'm going to roll resilience
to not push any buttons
I'm going to make this game harder for me
I did not push any buttons
but I thought about it
Thought about it.
It's pretty tough.
I almost did.
I almost booked it.
Then you got a slap on the wrist.
You're kind of studying the book because you've been fascinated with it.
And roll a lore check.
I succeeded.
Okay.
You see in the paper that it's a little bit, in this type of book that you're used to seeing,
the paper is unusual.
The cover and binding are old, but the inside is kind of new,
as if someone removed all the pages and put in a bunch of blank pages.
Inside those pages, you see a bit of an impression on there.
And you notice that there's a phone number.
You can read the phone number from the impressions.
You remember that scene in The Big Lebowski when he does the...
It wasn't a phone number in that one, though.
No, no.
It was a dude with the big dick.
Yeah.
Is that what I'm saying right now?
Well, you're saying that.
Okay, so I'm like freaking out because I can finally get a chance to look at this,
and I find it on a random page, and I'm like looking at it in like the light, like, you know, like.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Lumi.
Umi.
What's your name?
Umi.
Uli.
Yeah.
Can you read this number?
I'm kind of old.
Uli take a look at it
I'm assuming she can or do you need me to roll
No you can read it
Yeah I can read that number
What's it say?
1, 2, 3, big string
I don't know
I see 773
202
Beep beep boop boop
No
773
It's a phone number.
Yeah, it's a phone number, man.
Do you have a cell phone?
Do you have a communicator?
What do they call them?
Do you have a communicator?
Yeah, hold on.
I found it.
I lost it for a little bit,
and then I found it underneath the shelf.
My cop.
This is both in and out of character.
Yeah, we all have a cop.
Tiger broke his
because he's rough with his toys.
With his fake com links.
We'll call the number.
There's no numbers on it, though, by the way.
Okay.
Are you going to call it?
Yeah, I'm going to call it.
Okay.
You call it.
It rings.
And then this is the office
of Flo Koon.
Please leave a message.
Jedi Master, please leave a message,
and I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Can I?
Wait, did I overhear?
Did I overhear that?
No, you didn't overhear.
Shut up.
I found your lost book.
You want it?
Call me back.
Bye.
Did you tell him who you were or the callback number?
No, he's got to have, like, star 69, right?
Star Wars.
This is Star Wars in the 90s, right?
Yes, he has Star Wars 69.
Believe it or not,
Hoku's not at home.
Second time voicemail is coming up.
This is going to be a great campaign.
All right.
This is going great.
Wait, so what does that mean?
What does that mean, Hoku?
Like, you just found this at your job?
and it's got Poku's number on it.
Yeah, it looks like it.
Well, that's weird.
He wants it back.
He's going to call my number.
I gave him, I told him the six star 69.
You didn't, you didn't, you didn't tell him that.
Yeah, I mean, you were here.
You heard what I said.
But anyway, yeah, hopefully I find out more about that
because this little thing's a mystery.
Do you think he planted it?
I don't know.
Maybe.
I'm going to continue.
Roll a perception check, uh, um, Kale.
Uh, you went into the back room here?
Is that accurate where you're actually at?
Yep.
Trying to get some shut-eye.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
The one keeps yelling about books and calling random numbers.
And we're just shouting, call them back!
You said, uh, what, uh, what, what, what, what, what, what roll?
Um, perception.
Uh, it's just, uh, easy.
There looks to be some denting in the vent.
Potentially something that maybe is brooding.
While things are quiet, I can hear a little...
Yeah, you do kind of hear rustling coming through the vent.
so yeah you do you do hear rustling in the back all right what what are you doing
trying to go to the bathroom
okay
this is not a door though
oh that's the mirror no wonder why it didn't work
Alright, roll a easy perception check, please.
Actually, well, yeah.
I'll see how much you notice in this room.
A lot.
You notice that the toilet bowl is empty,
Which you know from your job usually means that something is drinking out of the toilet.
Huh.
Weird.
Okay.
Alright.
I go back out.
I don't flush.
Huh.
You don't flush at all?
Do you use it?
No.
Do you use it?
I guess.
There was no water in there when you started.
Wow.
Watch.
There's water in there now.
Roll for Iggy.
I go back and I see...
Did you wash her hands?
Yes.
I see Clyde and Uli go,
Hey, I think there's something else on this ship.
Uli immediately is going to pull out her blaster.
What do you mean there's something else on the ship?
I mean, like an animal or something.
Like a mouse?
I called down.
A space mouse?
She puts her knife away and then pulls out.
I think it's a little bit bigger.
It's a little bit bigger than that.
Is that a marmot?
Pulls out her knife.
Judging by how much water they drank out of the toilet before I went in there,
it's rather sizable.
It is rather sizable.
You got out of it from a toilet water?
Yeah
Toilets hold a lot of water
Alright let's go see this toilet
No let's not go see the toilet
What do you mean there's something else on the ship
Is there like
Like a person
Is there a snake because I don't do snakes
Um I don't know
Exactly what it is
Is it a serpent
Go get Kale
He knows the ship.
Does it have, like, ganners or something?
He's sleeping.
As you guys say that, you hear something running with the zoomies from coming above you.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, so Uli definitely has her gun out, and she's, like, following it with her gun.
The noise.
Uli, stop it.
I've got my book ready.
The vents aren't big enough for, like, anything to be, like, a threat.
Nothing you have said has made me feel better about the fact that there is a loose something on the ship that's big enough to drain a toilet hole.
That you didn't flush.
Other people are on the ship.
So why would you go look at the toilet anyway?
I never told you I didn't flush.
Okay, and as you guys are bickering, you hear some munching noises from up above.
It's rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr.
And the ship stops.
Oh.
You hear a...
And the ship stops.
I'm going to...
I would like to check out the...
Like the vents.
Let's take a break there first.
Fresh.
So, where were we?
Tad, you're getting up in the...
Oh, yeah, I'm going into the vents.
Okay.
With a flashlight to look around.
All right.
What would that be?
Athletics, maybe?
Oh, yeah, there's no investigation.
No, it's just perception.
But I mean, you got to get up there, right?
They're like, hi.
Let's see.
My athletics.
Okay.
I can do athletics.
Okay.
I failed.
Somehow.
Yeah.
You're, you're, you just, you're hanging on in there.
It's not a smooth transition from the floor onto a crate and into the vents as you were hoping it would be.
So you're not getting a whole lot of look of anything up there just yet.
But you can feel the rattling.
There is something in the vents.
I guess you guys already knew that.
But it's pretty big.
You can tell that the vent is big enough for you to fit in it.
So the whatever is up there could be as big as you are.
Kale.
Oh, what now?
Is he still sleeping?
Okay.
Now we can wake him up.
All right, guys.
You can hear him yell through the vent.
Can you guys keep it down in there?
Sorry.
No.
I didn't mean to.
There is something in the vent.
The ship stopped.
The vent, there's something up there.
Clyde, can you push me into the vent?
Okay.
One simple task, Taz.
One.
And I didn't push any buttons.
All right.
So what are we dealing with here, folks?
I don't know.
Just push me to the vent.
Possibly a varmint.
It's possible a varmint.
It could be a varmint.
Taz, this is your area of expertise.
Yes, that's why I'm trying to get into the vent.
I'm just shoving him up into the vent.
All right.
I help you as well.
Get him up there.
and then I just start
kicking for no reason
I just start kicking as soon as I can
start climbing it
stop it
and you guys push him up in there
now you have
Taz in the vents
well alright
hey that's half
we know half of what's in here so we're doing better
you hear
coming around
the back
the back of you,
um,
you're kind of crammed in there.
So you can't,
you can really only go one direction.
Um,
you can't turn around in the vents.
Um,
but,
um,
sneaking up behind you,
um,
this,
uh,
the creek,
you feel a swipe at,
uh,
the back of your legs.
Oh,
then I keep kicking.
And you hear,
and,
uh,
a scurry away.
Hey,
Can I roll for something that's not in the scene?
There is definitely something else up here.
It scratched my legs and I kicked it.
Don't know what it is.
I'll report it as soon as I know.
Okay.
Wait, do you guys have communicators?
Who is this?
This is Clyde.
Oh, hey, what's up, Clyde?
I didn't have your number saved, so I didn't know.
Yeah, now we got it saved.
Now I got it saved, so I never did.
Now we can always communicate from here on out.
And I never have to ask that question again.
Yeah, we're past this point.
Yes, to you anyway.
We're exchanging phone numbers.
Everybody else has used their phone at least once at this point.
Yeah, she's next to me.
She called me to make a phone call.
We shared numbers.
Also, he's just in the vent above us.
We can hear rattling.
We can hear him.
One of those things like in stories, like do they exchange information for phone numbers at some point in time?
Like, yeah, give me your number before we go on this heist.
Is no one concerned about the rattling in the vent?
Yes, I am.
He's up there.
Don't worry.
Our best man's up there.
That was, by the way, one wound to you.
They scratched you.
Scratched your leg.
Scratched buttocks.
No, not my buttocks.
my best feature
aside from my man bun
I don't know you're pretty handsome
thank you
okay
can we just start shooting at it
no
shoot at it you might hit me
more importantly
you might hit the animal
okay
and you guys
swipe at Taz and sort of go back the other way.
So at this point, you have this thing.
It's just rumbling in the vents back and forth.
And then all of a sudden, the vent comes crashing down,
and this white mass flops on the ground and stands up tall.
It is a wampa.
Marmot!
Kill it with a fire!
What the hell is this?
it's a barbent
can I see him?
no you can't see it
because you're in the vent
yeah you decide to go up at the vent
you stay up there
but you heard the crash
so you could head towards
where you think the
vent
is it attacking us? is it coming after us?
what is it doing?
it's mad it's scared and it's mad
and it's sort of starting to stand up
and getting into an offensive posture.
All right, I got my flash stick out of my robe.
Yeah, Ulu's pulling her gun out too.
Well, flash stick, we'll stun it first,
and then we'll do something with it.
Guys, hold on, hold on, hold on.
I know these wampas.
I'm pretty skittish, man.
All right.
It's a wampa.
If I say flash, you close your eyes.
Okay, I am going to put us into combat now.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Yeah.
Alright, yeah, so
roll initiative. If you go to the combat
tab
Okay
Wait, how do you roll initiative?
It should be that little die
next to your name
Wait
Oh, oh, no, sorry
I was at the wrong spot
I'm struggling here
it's in
so what are you struggling with
I don't remember where it's at
it's on the side
it's not under combat
it's like by the swords
oh sorry
yeah that was my mistake
it's on the same tab as like the chat
just initiative right
yes
so my allergies are going crazy
I'm like fucking sneezing
maybe you're allergic to wampas
allergic to bullshit
are you waiting on me?
do I have a
yeah
the wampa has not rolled
and so if you go on the tabs
where like the chat tab is on the sidebar
on the right side
Matt
are you in there yet?
yeah
and if you click on that you can roll the initiative I guess the wampa does not have
anything against him
it's all gang up on him kick him I thought when I rolled there was a couple of
dies against
the difficulty die.
But I don't know.
Okay.
I can roll for you, Matt.
Yeah, I can't find it.
Okay.
the worst.
And the first slot,
so we'll be going through this
for the first time with you, Matt.
Solver, run up and kick him?
Okay.
So the way that it works is that
any friendly slot can be taken by any
player character
and then any enemy slot can be taken
by any enemy character. So in the first round
you can go in one order
and in the second round you can do a different
order.
It looks like Taz has already claimed the first.
You are stuck in the vents.
For your turn, you can take either two maneuvers or a maneuver and, what is it, an attack?
Action.
Action, typically.
Action.
Any action is basically something that needs to, that needs a roll.
But you can do maneuvers like move closer or move back or grab something.
Those come free, basically.
So hopefully Andy and Bridget and Boo remember enough that they can be good examples for you.
Yeah, it's gone well so far.
Yes.
All right, Taz?
I would like to crawl and find the hole that the Wampa fell out of.
Okay.
And I hope that that's close enough to the point where I can kind of stick my head down and see what's going on.
And try to convince everyone not to shoot.
He's just scared.
Or she's just scared.
Okay.
It is kind of all the way around the U, but you stick your head out of where the open vent is, and you can, so that's one maneuver, and then you yell out to everyone else, because they can see you now.
Yeah, I'd like to yell, like, don't shoot it, don't hurt it.
It's just an animal that doesn't know what's going on.
Can I flash on it? Can I wind it?
No!
Don't hurt it
It's gonna hurt us
Has it?
Okay
Next friendly slot
Who wants to go?
Uli?
You're trigger happy aren't you?
Yeah no I'll go
I
When hearing him say like
Don't shoot it
Don't kill it
I'm gonna set my
My gun
I don't know if I actually can set my gun to stun
I don't know if that's how it works.
It should say stun setting on it if it has, well, your stabber doesn't.
No, no.
Let's see.
No, I don't think it has.
I actually don't see that on there.
Yeah, I don't think it stuns.
What she's going to do, though, I am going to back away from this creature.
The wampa is relatively large, right?
It's like human size.
It's human size.
now yeah uh they get bigger um but right this is a juvenile but this is like a large incredibly
large creature that just fell out of the bed yes uh so she's gonna uh back away from it um i don't
really want to shoot this thing because i hear the earnestness and taz's voice um but can i like
pull like some boxes down as like a shield like try to topple some of the cargo yeah okay yeah i'm
just gonna take some of the boxes and kind of like pull it down so there's a barrier between me
between us me and the the wampa okay so i need to roll do you want to roll like some athletics
or something like that no i you can have okay yeah i'm gonna back up and just roll some
pull down the boxes okay uh the next friendly slot uh we'll have
I don't know what to do.
I get ready.
Can I maneuver with my flash stick to get it ready?
I mean, you could fire your flash stick if you're not moving.
All right.
I'll fire it.
Everyone, close your eyes.
Flash stick.
Flash.
I think it's a roll, right?
Yeah, I have it on the counter bit.
Okay.
check succeeded
you blind
the
the wampa
and he
he starts moving around
now he is flailing
and making
loud noises
but
it seems that he can't see now
uh that brings it up to pale why don't you try something
aren't you guys the animal wranglers he's blind now i did can you wrestle a wappa
so i'm i'm stuck in a predicament where i don't really want to get physical and get close to it
but also uh now is the time to strike um can i do maybe a perception check to find some
netting or something to potentially
hinder the wampus.
I don't have anything.
Yeah, you could do a perception check.
Okay.
Wait.
All right, succeeded.
You can see...
All right.
You can see that there is on top of, in the ship, like on the side, there is like a net.
It is a big cartoon net that is used for wrangling loose,
like an emergency wrangling loose animals.
I run over there, grab it, and try to throw it on the wampus,
who is kind of thrashing about because they're blind.
And so do a, I guess maybe athletics.
So that's a little much.
You did the perception and a maneuver, so you're over by the netting.
On your next turn, you'll be able to grab it in you.
Okay.
All right.
The wampa is flailing wildly.
And let's see.
the closest person to him, which is
Kale,
and that is going to be a
weapon
with a setback
for being blind.
Is he like
engaging?
He's just
he's in a
I don't know
like failing so he's not engaged
he's at medium distance from
but since he's so fast
and wild
he can
he can reach
the tail
but he misses
he does have an advantage
where he knocks down.
He knocks Kale down.
So his next roll would be a setback.
So it's Troward.
Kale is, yes.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
And then we're back up at the top.
Okay.
I'm going to fall down from the vents.
Okay.
And I would like to pull out, as it's been established before,
that I have treats in my pocket.
You do have treats.
We did establish that.
Yes.
So I'd like to pull them out to try to get him to smell it
to be able to come towards me.
Okay.
So I can try to calm him down a little bit.
All right.
Roll a leadership.
and the leadership will be against the Wampas.
Discipline.
So his discipline is zero.
So it'd actually be an easy check.
So one difficulty.
I've only got one ability, and I failed.
Okay, a threat.
He does, he smells the food,
and now he knows where you are,
and he wants the food, the treats.
Good, good.
But can I position myself between him, myself,
For him and Clyde and Uli, so they don't shock him even more.
Okay, so I'm going to move you this way.
Okay.
And you're over there.
Okay.
The next is a friendly slot.
Any one of you can take it.
Maybe Kale should take it since he's close to the net.
Yeah, you got the net.
Try to throw it on top of the wampa.
All right, so roll it.
It's going to be two difficulty and one setback,
and I guess it would be athletics,
unless you have a different suggestion.
I think that maybe makes the most sense.
Okay.
You said one setback and one...
It'll be two purple and one black.
Gotcha.
All right, check succeeded.
You throw the net over the wampa,
he's going to be seriously hindered for...
So I'd say that's two setbacks if he tries to attack again.
Okay.
Next friendly
You got anything Clyde?
I can flash him again
If you do that I'm in the way
I can flash him and
Taz
apparently
What do you got?
I got a gun
Oh
Can I take a look around
and see if there's any other non-lethal weapons.
Like a rabies pole or something.
Would you call it a rabies pole?
That's what they call it.
Those big ones that they use for dogs
like around their necks.
It's called a rabies pole.
Oh, that's what they're called.
Yeah, they're called rabies pole.
Oh.
Yeah, you can do a perception to see.
Okay.
Just everything normal.
Yeah.
I see nothing.
I am panicking
alright yeah you don't
you don't find anything
unfortunately there's no rabies pull on here
the net was it
alright well
you guys got this handled
she's asking for her pile of boxes
yes I do
do you want me to
flash him again? no
Tell him, give him a different suggestion.
Just stay back.
You want me to hit him?
With my stick?
I think this flash stick can work as a stick.
Stay back behind me.
And if it's absolutely necessary, if I fail my next roll, then yes, you can flash him again.
I'm going to hit him with my stick.
Yeah, can you use your stick for melee?
Yeah, stick for melee, right?
Yeah, you can use a melee.
You have to walk closer to him.
All right, well, I'm going to get ready
and walk closer like a maneuver.
Okay.
Like it's like this is a tough...
Yeah, exactly.
All right.
So then let's say it's easy.
All right, so what am I rolling?
Melee?
Melee, one purple.
Sorry, I can't remember how to get this thing.
Stop.
Threats.
Melee!
Yeah, you go to hit him, and you miss,
and as a threat, he knocks you on your bottom as well.
I didn't get a threat.
Oh, am I looking at the wrong one then?
Oh, Uli had a threat.
Oh, you succeeded.
Oh, yeah.
You popped him.
Wait, no.
I'm going to use force protection.
Okay.
In order to do that, let me look at the sheet.
Um...
You don't have force protection.
You have heal harm.
No.
What are my talents?
Let me look at your talents then.
Passive.
Perform the force protection maneuver.
Suffer one strength and commit.
White dies up two ranks of force protection.
increase soak by number
of until beginning of next turn
suffer one strain for every
alright so then you have to
roll a
roll a force dice
I didn't get it
okay
you can spend
black dice, but it's a
strain, and I think there's something else that happens
if you try to spend black dice.
Oh, it costs a light side point.
Oh, do we need to roll for light side dark side?
Yeah, we never really did that.
You should see a button, Matt, in the chat for Destiny Pool.
It says click your roll.
There you go.
Okay.
So we have six dark side points.
so can I flip a light side
flip a light side
take a strain
and
they
the
soak will increase
by one until the end of the turn
and who are you protecting the wampa okay so uh how does this how does this happen
narratively so like i see clyde going in with the stick to hit him i kind of like i hold my
hand up and i kind of like put a barrier up there so he hits the barrier instead of the wampa okay
so he misses
then
okay
really really Taz
really creature's going
crazy
yes I told you not to hurt it
well he's going crazy
he's going to hurt one of us
and I told you not to hurt it
alright too bad
alright on the wampus turn
it does have the net
so it has two setbacks but it is
since Clyde is now within
reach attack
Clyde
using its claws
two setbacks
it does
three
where did Clyde go?
He's behind me.
Oh.
He tried to hide behind me.
Okay.
That will make...
There's two soak.
Eleven.
It's three damage to Clyde.
Okay.
So Clyde takes three damage from the Wailing of the Wand.
That's like the most least successful roll I've ever rolled.
Like, I succeeded, and I'm three damaged.
Yeah.
Okay, back to the top.
I'm going to claim the top one again to try to calm him down.
Okay.
How?
Well, he smelled the food before, right?
Yeah.
All right.
When does he gain his sight back?
That's a good question.
Does it say in your weapon?
Temporarily blinding.
I'm going to say his sight is starting to come back.
All right.
So then I'm going to position myself between him and Clyde.
Oh, don't worry.
I'm backing up and I'm running away at this point.
I was just trying to be heroic for one hot second and now I've learned my lesson.
And hold the food out.
Okay.
And just use like a calming voice and just, hey, it's okay.
I know we impede it on your, not property, but on your house.
Okay.
The wampa is starting to show signs of fatigue.
It slowly starts moving towards you and the food.
Yeah, because I'm sure there's not a lot of food on this chef.
And he drank all the water.
And he drank all the toilet, at least the toilet water.
Yeah.
So, yes, I would like to hold out the food for him to try to,
for the Wampada to, like, calm down.
Okay.
Then we go to the next person.
Next round the slide.
Fantastic.
Okay, go ahead.
Yeah, you go ahead.
No, no, I was just going to grab Clyde.
So go ahead.
I try to maybe, I say, maybe confer with Taz on potentially putting this creature in a sleeper hole,
somewhere between trying to stun it so that we can, you know, pacify it for a period of time.
Well, I look at Kale.
No one knows that Kale has, like, wrangled animals before.
Like, find a cage.
Open up a container for him to go into.
Okay.
So I'll do another perception check to try to find a suitable container for the wampa.
Okay.
Yeah, you see in the back there is a cage, and the door is wide open,
almost as if the wampa had been in there originally.
Okay.
Is that for me?
I guess the perception would be your action.
You can do a maneuver.
Can I maneuver towards the cage to try to maybe guide the rest of the team?
Or maybe I call out to the rest of the team,
hey, I think there's a cage over here that we can use for this creature.
Yeah, everybody hears you.
okay all right perfect let's get him into the cage
okay okay then next friendly slot i'm gonna take it uh i'm gonna see uh clyde go down and i'm gonna
jump off of my uh my box pile and just kind of like grab i don't know how out of it he is
but I'm just going to kind of grab him around the race and like pull him back
behind the,
Oh,
I'm sure I got three damage.
Uh,
uh,
I'm going to take him and like kind of just drag him back out behind the
boxes so that there's a clear path between,
uh,
Clyde cat or I'm sorry,
kale Taz and the Wampa.
So they can just,
I bet Wampa stopped.
Oh,
yeah.
So I just want to like jump and grab him and pull him back.
Okay.
You're my hero.
No.
Thanks.
Do you need like an,
is that an athletics or anything or is that just a maneuver?
I think,
I think you can do that.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm just going to drag him back to be behind my boxes.
My safety.
And then I guess Clyde,
what do you do?
You just be dragged?
I'd be dragged.
I'm shook right now, man.
I got Wampa stomped.
Okay, you got Wampa stomped.
The Wampa is starting to relent.
I guess you're holding out food over here in this direction, right, Taz?
Yeah.
And Kale is down this way.
He's starting to, he moves towards you, and now he's, like, right on top of you.
All right.
Well, if it's my, well.
Yeah, it's your turn.
Yeah.
Okay.
I would like to kind of, like, I'm going to, like, link by the containers, which I know
it's not exactly accurate, but, like, which container is the cage?
It's in the back.
Yeah, he starts to follow you back towards the cage.
And I imagine you are also helping Kale.
Well, I tell Kale, like, get on top of the cage.
Once he's in, close it really quick.
So I let Taz kind of do most of the work,
kind of trying to stay a little bit hidden.
So he's focusing on the food.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, so you're a little bit hidden, and you're getting over by the cage.
You are ready for when the wampa gets closer and closer to the cage.
Uli and Clyde, anything interesting?
Oh, I think I'm dying.
Uli, I'm going to die.
You're not going to die.
It's just a scratch.
You're going to be fine.
I'm sure they've got some, like, stim pack or something around here.
I need a stim pack.
I'm going to die.
Can I do a perception check to see if there's any, like, first aid kit?
Yeah.
uh okay yeah you find you find a first aid kit inside is a stim pack okay can i just give that to
to clyde yeah or else he will not stop whining yeah
honestly you're you're making more noise than the wampa at this point
Yeah.
Heals five wounds.
Yeah, you're completely healed now.
All right, no more damage.
Yeah.
Okay, so I'm just going to delete this impact.
Yeah.
All right.
And that brings us to...
Does that bring us to the Wampa?
Yeah, because you guys did two.
Yeah.
I looked and I healed.
Yeah, the wampa is maneuvering towards the food and towards the cage.
Taz, you have the food.
What are you doing with it?
I'm just going to take like a big handful and throw it into the cage.
All right, he follows it.
He's in the cage now.
All right.
Kale, can you close the cage?
Shut that thing tight and secure.
All right.
Now he's in jail.
All right.
I would like to run back to where Clyde is and offer services to heal him.
I've already been healed.
A real friend.
I didn't know that.
I was coming back to offer to heal you.
Like, I saw you take the hit.
Like, that was my first thought after we got the Wampa.
Oh, your first thought.
Taking care of to come back and try to heal you.
I don't think I didn't notice that force protection thing you did right at the last second.
That really hurt.
That's not what hurt you, the Wampa is.
But I came back to try to heal you from getting hit.
Little too late.
Well, yes, I didn't know that.
I'm glad to know you're okay.
And I'm sorry that I did that.
Okay.
You don't sound very sorry.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
It's not a fake sorry I've ever heard.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Look, I'm glad we're all on the same terms,
but we've got a much bigger issue.
We've got a Wampa.
Why is there a Wampa on board?
I don't know
Must have been
Being transferred somewhere
I thought you were the zoo expert
Is this not its native habitat?
This is definitely not its native habitat
Nobody's native habitat
No creature's native habitat is a ship
That's not entirely true
What about ship rats?
Exactly
Ship wampas
You see that
Thanks god
What about shipwrites?
And you see that a plaque is on the cage.
It says Wampa, and it says, in quotes, brisket.
Brisket.
I wonder if that's what we should feed him.
Does anyone got any brisket?
Or turn him into.
No, after I tried to heal, after I found out that Clive is fine, I go back to check on the wampa.
And I see the sign saying brisket.
Say brisket.
And I can see his ears perk up.
Yeah.
Yeah, it responds to you saying brisket.
brisket is is that your name brisket is that your purpose
because did we get any food for this trip because i don't think we did
i mean besides i mean you did but you gave it all to brisket
i didn't give any no i don't i had treats in my pocket
okay
What?
Wampa is my game.
He can talk.
He doesn't smoke cigarettes, too.
Amadeus?
I can sing.
Well, no, he can't talk.
But it is clear that his name is Briskit.
I'll reach into my pocket, grab a couple more treats out,
and I called them out in my hand.
and he eats them.
Now, Taz, don't be giving it too many treats.
No, just, I just, I,
hey, I know you're my boss and everything,
but let me handle the animals, okay?
All right, I'll let you do your thing.
You wrangle them.
I don't mangle them.
That's my life motto there.
Look, I think it's great that we've got now a shipwampa,
But have you guys noticed that we've stopped moving?
How's the rest of the ship's function?
Is everything good?
No, I didn't notice that.
Yeah, let me go to the front and see kind of where we're at from a status perspective.
I kind of make my way to the front of the ship.
Yeah, and then you take a look at the speedometer, and it is reading zero.
You guys are not moving.
And you're getting a check engine light.
Oh, no.
A yellow one?
Yes, and it's flashing.
Oh, God.
Oh, that's the worst.
That's when you know it's bad.
I mean, if it's consistent, but if it's flashing, that means it's serious.
Serious.
You guys got the Wampa eight-year ship.
We just got a coolant wrapper put in there, right?
I need another hydro hyper coupling.
Is that what happened to the first one?
The wampa ate it?
How are we going to get one in the middle of space?
All we got to do is go into the vents and find out what the wampa ate and fix it, right?
Yeah.
All right, do you want to get up there?
Taz, you've been in the vents before.
It seems like your territory.
Oh, no, I'm focused on brisket now.
Oh, my God.
That animal is going to be the death of us all.
It's probably got space ratings.
It almost was the death of us all.
But she's not.
She's fine now.
It bit me.
Yeah, after being flashed twice or once.
It needed to be flashed.
It was going crazy.
It would have got to eat us.
You don't know that.
Okay.
Uli's going to kind of pop into one of the vents,
you know, try to jump up into the vents.
Okay.
Should I do athletics?
Yeah, do athletics.
Roll.
It's easy because the vents have, yeah, just, yeah, go.
It's easy because he made the vents bigger
by crawling through them already.
It's easy because.
Someone already crawled through them once.
We've been up there twice.
Taz left notes behind.
Don't go this way.
Don't go that way.
There's a big chalk, arrows, and like X's.
It's like Charlie and it's always sunny.
Yeah, you're able to find, you know, the wires he was munching on.
And to be honest, you can't blame them.
They look delicious.
I mean, they really shouldn't make them this like rainbow floss color.
Is this the second campaign we did with Tasty Wires?
Not wires, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Brisket really did a number up here, guys.
There's wires chomped all over the place.
Can you fix it?
I don't even know what I'm looking at.
I'm pretty sure they're color-coordinated, right?
Do you know what they are?
no
can you find somebody who does
me? no
I'm focused on brisket right now
you guys both have
do you have any computers? no
um you do have
no
you guys both have
nobody has computers
nobody does computers
or mechanics in the fucking space
sci-fi book
It sounds like you need a tinkerer.
Shut up.
Do you think we could get other Kale back?
Do you think we could get him out here?
Not that far.
Other Kale.
I'm sure one of you has his phone number.
We're not that far.
Kale!
Can't you guys use your fancy little comm links?
Kale!
So, I guess, so, Cale, you gave the phone number to them to call Cal?
I did.
Are you going to call him?
Guys, here's his number.
Can you guys call?
I don't have one of those com links.
He doesn't like me, so I'm not going to do it.
Don't tell him.
Do not tell him that Taz is here.
Just keep it between us three.
Actually, tell him I got eaten by a wampa.
He would love that.
He might really love that, yeah.
Actually, let's start off with that.
Yes.
All right.
I agree.
Uli sticks her hand on the vent and makes a motion to Clyde.
Give me the comment.
Here you go.
I'm going to go back to my book and my magazines.
She's going to give Cal a little ring.
Jingle, jingle.
Cal, go.
Hey, Cal, this is Uli.
I don't know if we met earlier.
I was with the Panini Queens.
Ah, yes, the Panini Queens.
Yeah, so we've had a really rough start.
You know that Panini wasn't very good.
Yeah, I know.
It's really weird.
Hey, listen, Taz died eating by a wampa,
but before he died, the wampa...
Are you kidding me?
He's dead?
Yeah, yeah.
That is the best news I've gotten all day.
Oh, I'm glad to brighten up your morning.
Look, it's...
That guy was a real problem.
He really does have some issues.
Look, but before Taz died,
unfortunately, his wampa chewed through a bunch of wires on our ship.
And I don't know what I'm looking at here.
Is there any way I could, like, have you come out here and take a look at it
or maybe FaceTime you and, you know, get your opinion on what's going on here?
Yeah, I could maybe talk you through it if you want to send me the picture or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, here.
Let me, and I'm going to take a little picture or, you know, start some sort of video chat or whatever.
All right.
And you set down the phone and I pop out as a little hologram.
And by I, I mean Cal.
We're different people.
Mm-hmm.
yeah so i see your problem your problem's right here it's the wire it's been chewed
yeah i know i know it's it's the bizarrest thing you didn't think a wampo could fit in these vents
but here you go one wampo some kind of pigmy wampo what you know what i i didn't i didn't get a good
look at it before it really tore taz to itty bitty bits arms and legs everywhere it was really really
rough to see. I really hate to laugh, but it brings me so much joy. All right, make a mechanics check,
and go ahead. It's going to be normal, so two difficulty, and go ahead and get a boost for Cal.
And for the love of God, succeed.
Fingers crossed, everybody.
Good luck.
Oh!
I end up, like, shorting myself out.
All right.
Yeah, take a strain, electricity.
Yeah, yeah, no, definitely.
Oh, that was pretty good.
Yeah, no, you got close.
You're going to have to try again.
How about you roll again?
And I have explained it better this time
To the point where you get two boost dies.
How about that?
You like that?
Listen, man, I really appreciate it.
I just feel like you will never progress.
We're really going to be stuck here.
Hey!
And with that, you put it back together.
You yell out to Kale.
you know, turn it, and it starts up again.
The pizza delivery?
Cal!
The pizza delivery.
Cal, you're an absolute genius.
I mean, really, I don't know what you're doing at the Jedi Temple,
but they're not paying you enough.
I've got a couple felonies that not a lot of people will hire me.
Cal, let me tell you something.
If I ever get back to Coruscant and I ever need a mechanic,
I'm going to recommend you to everybody I know.
Wow, that's very kind of you,
but I have a feeling you're not going to get back to Coruscant for a very long time.
Cal, do you know something I don't know?
No.
Okay.
Just a hunch.
Okay.
Well, you know what?
I hate to say it, but you've been right on the money each time.
Well, take care.
Good luck to me, I guess.
she's gonna hand the the calm link back to to uh to Clyde all right i think we're good to go
so